Losing a part of me

Category: Travel

  • Day 639

    I was shocked to see a nearly two-pound gain from yesterday morning! How could that happen? Answer: I was not mindful. I let myself go on a lot of different small fronts that added up to a 1.8 lbs. gain.

    Okay, I had peanuts… no big deal, right? Okay, I know I bought and ate more peanuts than I usually would, but it was not a huge deal, right? Oh… and I did not want to leave one piece of chicken over which would have to go in the garbage because I was spending the afternoon away from the house on Saturday and flying out Sunday morning; it only made sense for me to prepare it as a third meal… which of course needed a salad to go with it. Then the woman I met in the jewelry store was so excited to meet another Jew in Burlington that she insisted on giving me a fresh-baked cookie from her store for the Sabbath… and of course I had to eat it.

    Small little bottles equal one big bottle.

    Alright, I am back above the 240 lbs. mark which I have been flirting with. I will do my best to get back below it before Leslie and I drive to Houston on Wednesday. I will have to be very careful.

    I will be spending the rest of the day with buddies in Cambridge which will include dinner. I hope the dinner is early enough that I can be done eating by 6:30pm or so. In anticipation of the steak that I will be enjoying there, my lunch will be a meal replacement – my first in probably a week. I will be good today. Tomorrow morning I wake up at 3:00am to catch a very early flight, and travel days are never good for the weight loss program.

    More important than all the petty stuff: I am checked in for my flight; my suitcase is packed (although my carry-on will be later); my Uber is booked. I am ready to fly. In twenty-three hours I will be with my wife again. WOOHOO!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 615

    Mission accomplished. In the lead-up to my weeklong trip to California I stated at different times that I was hoping to return to Canada having gained less than five pounds, and that I was hoping that my first weigh-in after returning to Canada I would still weigh under 250 pounds. This morning, after a long day of travel followed by a very bad night of tossing and turning in bed, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and weighed 246.4 lbs., a scant two pounds heavier than my last weigh-in the morning I left! (It is also worth noting that I had always said weigh-in did not really count, as it was done at 3:20am; in fact I am only one pound heavier than I was the previous day)

    I did not sleep well at all last night. If I did not have such a busy morning, I would likely have gone right back to bed following my morning rituals and then Her Royal Floofness’ walk. That is not possible as I have a 9:00am appointment with my doctor, followed by an 11:00am appointment with my tailor. Between those two I will return home to prepare my breakfast (the only meal I will have today as I return to my weight loss program). After the second appointment I will likely come home and try to sleep for a couple of hours. I will be teaching from 6-9pm this evening and I do not want to fall asleep in class.

    I will be back in a little under two hours (although for you the reader it will seem much quicker!) to report my official doctor’s weigh-in. I am 6.2 lbs. down on my bathroom scale from the morning of my last weigh-in; hopefully the scale at the doctor’s office will reflect a similar drop!

    —

    I am not in the least disappointed to have only dropped 3.1 kg since my last weigh-in at the doctor’s office. Had I not taken the break from my regimen during the last week it likely would have been closer to 5kg, but I have no regrets. I said in advance that I would not, and I am not going back on my word. Two of the nurses told me how fabulous I look!

    I came home for a quick breakfast before heading into Hamilton to meet my clothier. I picked out four shirts and one sports jacket, and when he asked me if I my measurements would be the same as they were in March, I was very happy to say that they were not. I am a full four inches smaller around the chest and around my waist… from March! That feels amazing. I would love to be able to see another similar drop over the next six months… if not even more.

    I decided to spend a couple of hours chatting with my buddy on his patio before coming home. My intention was to come home and take a two-hour nap. What I ended up doing was going out for a (nearly) two-hour walk… and seven of the 11.25kms were under 9 min/km! My average pace was an amazing 8m47s per kilometre, making this the second outing that I can claim that in the last few. It felt great… even though I probably should have been resting. Yes, I started my class a few minutes ago (we started with a lab activity) and I am tired… but I am not sleepy. I know I will get a good night sleep tonight, but today was essentially a ‘recover from travel, a week of vacation… and all the bad habits I tried to not fall fully back into’ day.

    Will my weight on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning be back in the best weight ever territory? I do not know. What I am pretty sure of is that the next time I go to see the doctor I want to weigh under 110kg. I have to remember to call to make an appointment though, which I forgot to do when I was leaving. I will call tomorrow before I head to my dentist appointment.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 614

    As Leslie and I filed out of synagogue at the end of Sunday evening services the Rabbi told us that we, as newlyweds, are not permitted to fast for the first year of our marriage. That was certainly enlightening, and something we would keep in our back pockets. What it meant more than anything was that we could shower and brush our teeth the next morning. There are some prohibitions in my religion that I am not quite fond of; I have no problem fasting for twenty-six hours, and I do not mind the prohibition against smoking cigars. I really do not enjoy going through the day without brushing my teeth. Thank you, Rabbi! What about next year? We will jump off that bridge when we come to it. I have fasted on Yom Kippur for many years, and I will have no problem fasting again next year. Whether I will commit the forgivable sin of brushing my teeth is the question… but if history tells us anything it is that I will indeed.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale yesterday morning and was relieved to see that my weight was down over a pound. This was less because I was really good on Sunday, and more because I had been really bad on Saturday, and my body was simply righting itself. I stepped back onto the scale this morning and was down another .2 lb., which means that as of this morning I have gained three pounds on this trip. This bodes well for my hopes to stay under 250 lbs. for tomorrow morning (when I will be back in Canada). I am extremely pleased with that for many reasons, some of which I will go into later on when I continue writing (I expect to shut my laptop down in a few moments and will resume writing from the airplane).

    It is always sad to leave Westlake Village, but it is even sadder to be parting with my wife for the next few weeks. It had been my intention to sit down at the airport and book that next flight, but airport aggravation prevented that. I was finally seated comfortably in the terminal when the airline announced a gate change… to a completely different terminal. The downside was that I had to pack everything up and get from the original terminal to the changed terminal. The upside was that Leslie was in that terminal so I got to spend another half hour with her.

    I am now on the airplane and the masses are boarding. It feels like every second person passing my seat goes out of their way to smash their carryon luggage into my shoulder. Grrr.

    I mentioned several hours (and two paragraphs) ago that I wanted to arrive back in Canada weighing under 250 lbs. and I was going to enumerate the reasons. Firstly and foremost I did not want to lose control during the trip – a very real possibility when I travel. The other two reasons were:

    · I am seeing my doctor tomorrow which means an official weigh-in. I would love to see a drop from last month – even if it is just a small one. If today goes well then I will probably remain under 248 lbs. tomorrow morning which will mean about a 5 lbs. drop from last month. I will be very happy with that!

    · After my doctor’s appointment I have my appointment with my tailor, and I will be measured for shirts and a sports jacket. The smaller I am the better I will look in new clothes… even though I will not have them for another two months.

    I had thought about cheating at the airport in Los Angeles but then decided against it… even before I realized I had to change terminals and would be with my wife. I am hoping that at least one of these flights has snacks for sale because although I do have some almonds that Leslie gave me, I forgot to bring a shake with me. If I am in the terminal in Dallas, then I do not think there is anything smart to eat there… especially with my short layover.

    Okay, it is time for me to get on with it. The doors are about to close so it is time for me to turn off.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 612

    The vacation continues and my plans to stay good have not gone well. Leslie and I will have dinner this evening and then the fast begins. We will spend 26 hours reflecting and disconnecting. We will break the fast tomorrow evening and I suspect that with that my hopes to stay under 250 lbs. on this trip will be realized. Wish me luck!

    For those of you who are of the faith, may you have an easy fast and be inscribed in the Book of Life.

  • Day 610

    It has been a wonderful day but not one conducive to writing. See you all tomorrow!

  • Day 607

    I cannot decide if it means anything or not. After all, I know that when I weigh myself at 3:15am the readout will be completely different from when I weigh myself when I normally wake up. I was absolutely not planning to even step onto the bathroom scale this morning… I packed my suitcase last night and the scale was in it. As fate would have it I packed all of my golf shirts, so I needed to take one out to wear today. I opened it up and decided to see what the dreaded machine would say… even though I was sure to be disappointed.

    244.4 lbs.

    Two hundred and forty-four pounds.

    I did not see any chance that it would happen after the crap I had gone through these last ten days or so, but I achieved that goal. This morning, in time to fly to California, I have lost 150 lbs. 150.6, to be specific.

    For the first time since I set the goal in that app that came with my bathroom scale, I have less than fifty pounds to go to to my ultimate (and unrealistic) weight goal!

    I am currently on the plane on the first leg of my flight to LAX. I drove to the airport (a first – when the trip is short enough it is cheaper to pay for off-airport parking than it is to pay for the Uber to and from), I got through Security and Customs and I had my breakfast wrap (minus the bacon). As I promised myself I would, I swapped out the potatoes for slices of tomato. All in all I am not disappointed by what I ate. I did not bring snacks for the airplane but I will likely try to buy some nuts at the connecting airport. I do not want to be stuck on the second airplane hungry.

    Speaking of food and planning: I brought two meal replacements for every day I will be in California. I will still be eating smart, but I am not going to go completely off the program… just a little off the program. I will not be disappointed if I come back to Canada 2-3 lbs. heavier than I was this morning. I will be extremely upset with myself if it is worse than that. I brought the bathroom scale with me to try to keep me honest… to remind me every morning that I am not going to let myself go.

    It was a brisk morning in the Greater Toronto Area but the forecast for Los Angeles is sunny and mid-70s. It will be a lovely week, and I am looking forward to seeing my wife tomorrow… and all of my friends while I am there.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 606

    I wrote yesterday that it had taken nine days from crossing off 250 lbs. to crossing off the next number (248.0) on the sheet on my fridge. Even with the amazing exercise I did yesterday I did not expect that I would be taking another triumphant walk to that sheet again before I returned from California. Knowing that I did not stick to the program yesterday I was doubtful I would see any progress on the bathroom scale… although thanks to the exercise I did not expect to lose any ground either. How thrilled was I then to step onto that appliance with which I have a longstanding love/hate relationship and see a drop? It was no minor drop either… I weigh 2.2 lbs. less this morning than I did yesterday! While it will be impossible to know for sure, another half-decent (and not even extreme) drop from today to tomorrow will mean that I am actually going to fly to California below 245 lbs… and I will have officially lost one hundred and fifty pounds.

    Why impossible, you might ask? With my flight scheduled for 7:00am I will be leaving the house at 3:30am to drive to the airport. Even if I was not planning to pack the bathroom scale to take with me, a 3:00am weigh-in is meaningless. I will step onto the scale Wednesday morning in the hotel room when I know my weight will be up a pound or two because of the travel day, but I will still be in good stead compared to where I was a week ago. During the trip to California having the scale there will help me (as I have discussed), but I do not expect to return from the trip weighing less than I did this morning. My goal is to not weigh over 250 lbs.

    I went for my longest walk in months yesterday and I felt amazing for it. I will go for another outing this afternoon, although I will consciously not exert myself to the extent that I did yesterday. The 15km that I walked yesterday was amazing and it felt great, but I did not have to spend the following day on airplanes. I will plan for a 10-12 kilometre walk today, and no more.

    The timing of yesterday’s walk screwed with my meal replacements. I had intended to prepare a meal replacement before going out, but something distracted me. When I returned it was after 4:00pm. While this was not my plan at the time what I ended up doing was this: I had a meal replacement immediately after my shower, and then at 9:30pm (way too late, I know!) I made an omelette. The omelette was not only an aberration from the program, but it was also way too late, which is why I was fully expecting to not lose weight today. I should mention that while both of these facts are true, I was still allowed (according to my modified program) 450 calories on the day; the omelette I prepared accounts for about 350 calories, with 27g of protein and only 14g of carbohydrates. As far as cheating goes, this was not much of one!

    I have to pack my suitcase today! I am very excited about that. No, I do not enjoy packing. When packing means that I will be seeing my wife shortly then it is a happy chore indeed! Speaking of my wife, I am going to take a bit of time this morning to have a video cigar date with her. After today our next cigar date will be together. Yay!

    The next journal entry I write will be from the airport tomorrow morning. I know that I will be eating my breakfast in the airport, and I will be careful to not indulge. I must not allow myself those breakfast potatoes which I do not love but never seem able to resist. I will do so tomorrow. Wish me luck!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 600!

    Holy wow! If you told me on January 20, 2022, that I would still be working at this nearly twenty months later I do not know if I would have believed you. If you had told me that twenty months later I would be at my best weight ever – nearly 150 lbs. down – then I would have been thrilled. Had you told me that it would take me 20 months to drop that weight, and that I would still be on the program… well, I do not know what I would have said. This has been a very challenging journey replete with struggles, hardships, and myriad ups and downs… not only with my weight but also my emotions.

    With that said, I was disappointed to see a huge jump on the bathroom scale this morning. I was disappointed to be back to (but not above) 250.0 lbs. after two days below it. Maybe I do need to exercise every single day in order to stay below that. It is also possible that the one cheat that I have been allowing myself during my two weeks of no cheating (a couple of ounces of the shredded cheese that is always on hand to put into my omelette can find their way into my mouth if I am truly struggling later in the day) is something that I can only allow myself when I have exercised.

    One thing that I should mention is that I have once again not moved my bowels for a couple of days, and that is probably a factor as well. I am not saying that if I had been successful this morning that my weight would not have been slightly up from yesterday, but it is possible that instead of a .8 lb. jump it might have been half of that. I have been adding fibre to my meal replacements sparingly because I remember what happened a few months ago; I am going to bite the bullet on that and will add a couple of teaspoons of it every day to try to induce some semblance of regularity. Last night I was feeling that I might have been able to poop successfully, but I was in bed, and I felt that if I might be able to then, I would definitely be able to the next morning. Wrong. Lesson learned: Going forward, go when the urge strikes.

    I mentioned to Leslie a couple of nights ago that I might consider taking my bathroom scale with me to California. Initially the idea was to help her, but as I struggle around these two major milestones (one of which I am still hoping to achieve by the time I get onto the plane a week from today) I am thinking that it would be a good idea for me as well. I have been saying that while we are in SoCal I will be more lax on my program than I have been these last few weeks; if I see the numbers up from the previous day I could adjust my eating accordingly. I have never in my life taken a bathroom scale with me on vacation (although I did take one with me when I moved to Japan, for all the good it did me). I have always been of the mindset that ‘I’m on vacation’ means that you can let yourself go and get back on track when you get home. I know now that I have used my mulligans; sure, I could do that… and then take two weeks to recover from whatever weight I might gain during the week. It would be a smarter plan to try to stay on track. I am not saying that I will stick to the program religiously, but I will also not be using the trip as an excuse to dive into large plates of deep-fried anything. I also know that Leslie does not want to stop her program, and it would be unfair to go nuts in front of her… or for that matter, even behind her back. It is settled then… as long as it can fit into my luggage, I will pack the bathroom scale and take it with me to California.

    The weather this morning was wet but not entirely miserable. It was raining a little but not terribly… not enough that Her Floofness would not go out for a bit of a walk at least. She spent the afternoon yesterday with her friend Charlie at the neighbour’s house, so she likely went out for a couple of extra walks. I am afraid that the neighbour is not working from home today so that will not be an option. In addition to this morning’s abridged walk, I am reasonably sure that we will be stepping out during my lunch hour. That is not a bad thing… it will be good to get some steps in on this, my second of five straight days when exercising will be impossible to fit in.

    My plan for the day is to not cheat at all. There will be no cheese. There was my omelette this morning, and there will be three meal replacements… as well as a pot of coffee and a lot of water. I do not mind running to the bathroom twelve times throughout the day; what I do mind is the thought that I might not drop back to my best weight ever over the next couple of days. At least I will have a relaxed evening on the balcony where I can video chat with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 557

    I was distressed that my travel day took such a bad toll on my weight this morning. I am back above 270 lbs. and to blame it all on the airplane is wrong. I let myself go last night, and I paid for it this morning. The worst part of it is that I had an appointment to see my doctor today which I forgot about until my phone reminded me fifteen minutes prior to the appointment. I called to say that I would be late, but I actually made it on time, and it was the doctor who made me wait.

    My blood pressure was up (but not unhealthy), and when the nurse neglected to weigh me, I did not object. I deserved the lecture that I avoided, but I know what she would have told me. I have to get back on track. Fortunately I know that with regard to exercise I have… with all of the walking that I did last week, as long as I can stay on track with that then bringing my food intake back into line would be what I need to do to get back on track.

    I came home and suited up to exercise. The temperature was nowhere near as hot as it was in Dallas (despite three people stopping me during my walk with Her Floofness this morning to comment on the heat), and I had a feeling I would be able to give it my all. I jogged three kilometres and then walked another 9km… a respectable outing by any measure. I walked into the apartment dripping with sweat, but feeling great about what I did. I have started another week off on the right foot. I even wore my new running shoes which arrived the day I flew to Dallas, and they felt great.

    I came in and put a couple of pieces of chicken on to cook before I got into the shower. I thought I had vegetables for a salad, but when I realized I only had onion I decided to put some frozen French fries into the air fryer as well. It was an unhealthy touch, but not the worst thing I could have eaten. My plan for this evening is to only have a couple of meal replacement shakes – one before my class, and one afterwards. If I am able to stick to that then I will have no reason to feel bad about what I ate today… and should expect to see at least a slight decrease on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning.

    It started to rain shortly after I got in from my exercise, but I do not think it is too bad. My plan is to enjoy a cigar on the balcony before class, and then likely one after class as well. We’ll see how I am feeling later tonight.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 556

    We had a delightful last day together, going bowling and playing various video games and claw machines at an entertainment centre we frequent (and which Leslie and her son frequent much more frequent than my infrequent visits allow). They decided we would eat there, so I made do with one more day of fattening foods. We spent a few hours there, and then went home to rest for a few more hours before heading out for dinner. We ended up at a Portuguese chicken restaurant that we enjoy… although I suspect that the boy enjoys it less than he lets on. The ever so simple and highly indecipherable mind of an eight year old boy is still incomprehensible to me. It has been far too long since I was one to remember my thought processes of the age, but I do remember trying to enjoy things that would help me to fit in. I also remember being staunchly opposed to other foods, despite the fact that when I would eventually try them, I would often love them … and then forgetting that, a few weeks later I would staunchly object to those same foods. Maybe I understand him better than I thought.

    I did not go for a walk in the morning, waking up later than planned. I did not think I would get my steps in, but after a disagreement with Leslie I ended up going out for a walk in the evening. I did not suit up as I usually do as I really only thought I would walk to the druggist, but I ended up walking around 5km. I did not start an activity on my fitness watch, but I know how to read a map. I came home and showered, and we talked things out to make things right. We had a cigar on the balcony, and then I packed my suitcases. I hate packing to leave her, but it is what it is until my visa is approved.

    I was livid when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning. I did not expect to be over two pounds heavier than yesterday. I suppose part of the reason is that I had not successfully moved my bowels in a couple of days. After my breakfast I finally did, and I suspect that had I stepped onto the scale again I would have been pleased. That will have to wait a day though… I do not weigh myself after I eat.

    And now… I am sitting in the Admiral’s Club at the airport waiting for my flight. Leslie and the boy dropped me off around 10:00am, and it only took a few minutes to check my bags and then get through security. My flight is scheduled to board in an hour, and it should land in Toronto at 4:40pm (local time). Unless there are delays – or long lines at Canada Customs – I should be home by 6:30pm. I will make a light dinner, and then I will take the Floofness for a walk. I know she misses me so much when I am away, and the only consolation I can give her is that it was so hot in Dallas this trip that she likely would not have enjoyed it at all.

    I should mention that while I was extremely displeased by this morning’s weight, it was still slightly less than what I weighed my first morning of this trip. For a trip with so much food, I still kept my weight within a five-pound range… as high as 269.6 and as low as 264.8. While I wish I could have lost more, that range shows a level of consistency that the heavier me could never have hoped for. I suppose I should chalk that up as another win.

    Have a great day folks!