Losing a part of me

Category: Travel

  • Day 472

    It is Sunday morning. I am packed, I have a cup of coffee and I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Leslie is across the table from me enjoying her breakfast, and her son is on the floor watching his tablet. In less than an hour we will pack into the car for the dreaded trip to the airport. The countdown until she comes to Canada is thirty-one very long and lonely days. I hate leaving here. I hate packing my suitcase here. I hate getting out of the car at DFW knowing that I will walk into the terminal while Leslie drives home.

    Yesterday I cheated (as I knew I would), and I paid the price for it, but not terribly. We took the boy to our favourite sushi restaurant (which we would normally have done together on my first night here, but that won’t be happening anymore). The boy and I went shopping for his mom’s birthday present, after which we went to an amazing Japanese ice cream and taiyaki shop, where I indulged in a soft serve ice cream with a pastry fish stuffed with red bean paste. Assuming everything else I ate yesterday was perfect (it was not), I was going to gain weight based solely on that. For dinner we had tamales that Leslie’s grandmother in Guatemala made (and that Leslie smuggled back into the US) with a Mexican rice dish. Everything was delicious. Despite not having dessert or drinks after dinner, My weight this morning was up 1.8 lbs., which means my grand total for the trip (since the morning I left Canada) is a loss of 1.2 lbs. While I always cheat on travel days, tomorrow I will be back on track, and hopefully by the time I go to see the doctor Wednesday afternoon I will be no more than 1-2 lbs. up from where I was my last visit. I am nearly six pounds heavier today than I was when I last weighed in nearly a month ago. Yes, there has been a lot of mitigating stress; I still know that I need to get back on track. My goal is to now lose at least fifteen pounds between now and Leslie’s visit, which is ambitious but doable. That would take me under the 250 lbs. milestone which I have no recollection of being since the Army.

    The thunderstorms last night were gorgeous and calming. Leslie and I sat on the balcony as I smoked and we had a great conversation. I am going to miss being able to do that this next month. We’ll be back in the Rectangle Zone this evening, which really sucks. In the meantime I will be back on track, and I will focus on teaching… and next week on the course that I am starting to take Monday nights.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 471

    Wow was it hot yesterday! My weather app said that it would be in the mid-70s when I was jogging, It was 81° when I walked downstairs, and closer to 86° when I pulled up after just past the 5km point to walk the rest of the way. Still and all, I was happy that I got out, and while I did pause a couple of times, I finished the full 5km and then some.

    Jogging

    · Distance: 5.10km (10.29km)

    · Duration: 36:01 (1:13:33)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m03s (7m08s)

    · Steps: 5,800 (11,768)

    · Calories burned: 600 (1,300)

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 159 (160)

    While I did not break any records, I got back into the swing of things easy enough. As I predicted, I likely will not jog today or tomorrow, but will resume in Canada on Monday, where the forecast for the week is much cooler than it is for Dallas, while still dry until next Sunday. Of course, that could change in a heartbeat, at which point I will end up on the treadmill.

    My eating yesterday was better than the previous day, but still not perfect. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and one with dinner because I had eaten a couple slices of pizza and was still hungry but did not want to eat more pizza. For lunch I had leftover chicken, which was quite good, and not at all a cheat. The pizza and the cereal did me though, so even with the jogging I gained .2 lb. … a statistical nothing. I did not drink at all yesterday, but I did have a big glass of iced tea in the evening (which is also replete with sugar) that kept me up a couple of hours later than I would have liked. I have to remember that as much as I love caffeinated drinks, drinking them at night when I have been having trouble sleeping is just a bad idea. For today, I had my coffee this morning, and I will try to abstain from caffeine after noon.

    Today is my last full day in Dallas and I am going to spend it with my wife and stepson. I hate knowing that I have to check in for my flight in a few hours, which means that I am leaving her once again. The next trip will see her coming to Canada to visit me for a couple of weeks, and when the countdown clock begins (when I get to the airport tomorrow) it will be set at just over thirty-one days. That is a very long time to spend in the rectangle zone, and neither of us is looking forward to it. I thought about planning a trip in between, but with the cost of the wedding, as well as my hectic teaching schedule the next month, it is just not a reasonable idea. We will endure, but man are these separations difficult for both of us.

    I have a couple of calls to make for work, and then I am going to spend the rest of the day with the family. I will stay mindful, but I will also remember that I do not get to spend nearly as much time with them as I would like. If I fall off because the boy wants ice cream, then that’s what we are going to do. If he wants fried chicken for dinner, then I suppose that is what we will eat. I will just try to keep my portions in check. I know that Monday morning I am going to try to get back onto my full-fast program, but if I cannot then I will at least be on my modified program… and I will be jogging.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 468

    What an amazing weekend this was! I was completely off my diet, and did not care. I told Leslie that I expected to go back to Canada on Sunday around 270 lbs., a little over 16 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever. I truly expected that with all of the eating and drinking that I did, coupled with the fact that I did not do any exercising whatsoever, I would step onto the bathroom scale this morning (we returned to Dallas last night) ten pounds heavier than when I left Canada. In fact, I was in for the shock of the day when I saw that I had actually lost 4 lbs. since the day we flew to California, which is absolutely a small wonder… if not really a victory. I should mention that in the week leading up to that day last Friday I was on edge, eating much more than I should have. I would even go so far as to say that I fell off the wagon completely, binging on the airplane ride from Canada to Texas. As such, my weight from that Friday was somewhat artificially inflated. With that said, I am extremely happy with this morning’s weight.

    When I showed Leslie my weight this morning she was shocked. The only meal that we did not enjoy together in California was breakfast Monday, and other than that she saw what (and how much) I ate. She is and has been my biggest supporter on my weight loss journey and has been very aware of my mental ups and downs caused by some of my transgressions, plateaus, and roller coasters. I had told her before we even left for California that I fully expected to gain ten pounds this weekend. For me to have lost four pounds blew her mind as much as it did my own. All of my friends commented on how amazing I looked with my weight loss (I have lost sixty pounds since I was there in October). One of them joked that brides and grooms do not actually gain weight during their wedding weekend, and I told him that I so wish that were true. Who knew that it actually is!?

    We sat on the airplane yesterday and I could not help but notice that the man sitting in the row in front of us had his fat hanging over the armrest. I thought back to not too long ago when that was how I was, and how much happier I am now. Eighteen months ago I would never have been comfortable in a seat that did not have armrests that could be raised… not to mention how embarrassing it was to have to ask for a seatbelt extender. We took our seats in the exit row (which afforded us much more leg room, but rigid armrests), and I was perfectly comfortable in my seat. I only wish I had taken the middle seat to let Leslie sit in the window… and what an amazing victory that is, knowing how miserable I would have been in the middle seat at my heaviest weight. Yay!

    So let’s talk about the weekend. Firstly, we woke up Friday to find out that our flight was delayed by four hours, and when we finally got onto the plane, we waited nearly two more hours while they dealt with a mechanical issue. Arriving in Southern California at 3:30pm instead of 9:15am completely wrecked our plans to meet a friend for cigars in Beverly Hills, but that’s part of life. We checked into our magnificent hotel room and went for dinner. We both had pasta which was out of this world, and which is of course completely forbidden on my diet program. Following dinner we attended the Sabbath evening services at the shul which was lovely. Not only was it great to see so many of the people I have not seen in two years and to experience my first such service in that time, but it was also Leslie’s first ever Sabbath service. Despite being a bit overwhelmed (by both the experience and some of the people), she really enjoyed it. Following services, we adjourned to the hotel where we enjoyed a cigar on the patio before turning in.

    The plan for Saturday was to run the last couple of errands that were outstanding – and there were not many of them – and to then meet with the rabbi and his family in the afternoon to discuss the wedding. We ate both breakfast and lunch at The Stonehaus (where I have spent countless hours, and where she and I would spend a lot of time during this trip). We then had dinner at a posh waterfront terrace where the sushi was some of the best we have ever eaten, and despite the lousy service (and the cold which came on fast when the sun went down) we had a lovely time. As is our norm, we then returned to the hotel for a cigar and then bed.

    Sunday was the big day! I was stressed because I was still waiting for confirmation that some of the final details (some of which were quite significant) had not been confirmed. I find it much easier to rely on other people when they communicate better with me, so not having heard anything from the bakery in a week I was stressed that the challah and wedding cake might not be delivered. It was not until 1:15pm (the wedding was starting at 3:00pm) that I received confirmation that they had been delivered. That was the last of it… we were ready to go! My bride was absolutely ravishing in her dress, and my new shirt and tie fit perfectly under my suit. I had a very minor scare that my belt might not fit, but I realized the problem and then there was no problem. We arrived at the temple exactly when we were meant to, and just before our first guests began to arrive.

    A Jewish wedding consists of three pillars: the ketubah, the chupah, and the yichud.

    The first pillar, the ketubah, is literally a contract. Before the actual ceremony the rabbi must read the contract aloud to us and have it confirmed by two witnesses that he read it correctly. While he reads it, we had to hold onto two ends of a handkerchief. Had one of us dropped our end, the wedding would not have happened. Fortunately that did not happen. It was a bit amusing that it turned out the two witnesses that I selected did not even know how to write their names in Hebrew, but this was not the rabbi’s first day on the job, and he knew to help them beforehand. Still and all, their signatures in English look much smarter than their Hebrew ones!

    The second pillar is the chupah, which is a wedding canopy that symbolizes the home. It is traditionally the groom’s tallit (prayer shawl) attached to posts held up by four men, and the ceremony takes place under that. Our rabbi did such a marvelous job of explaining all of the traditions and symbols to both us and to the attendees. I am glad that one of my friends recorded it, as so much of it was a blur to me. The important thing is that Leslie and I were married, and after we kissed I stepped on the glass to break it… an old Jewish tradition.

    The third pillar is the yichud, where the bride and groom spend time alone. While historically this was when the bride and groom would… consummate the marriage, this tradition is mostly an anachronism today… which is good, because the room to which we were led was separated from the hall by a curtain. Today the tradition is for them to spend a few moments together alone, feeding each other, and enjoying our first minutes as a married couple alone before greeting the guests. Leslie and I went into the library and shared a plate of food for ten minutes before we ventured out to the bridal table, on which was placed the largest challah bread I have ever seen. It was not only huge, but it was also delicious! We said the blessing over the bread, and I was asked to rip off pieces to throw at the attendees. It was a lot of fun, and this was a tradition that was new to me!

    When the wedding cake came out we shared a piece, and Leslie did manage to smoosh a piece into my face. The pictures of that are amazing! The cake, one of the last pieces I was worried about, was indeed perfect… as was the rest of the wedding.

    We finally drove to The Stonehaus, where most of the guests joined us for cigars. I think one of the guests bought a bottle of champagne as well, but at this point I remember very little The cigars were amazing, but the best part of the after-party was that I had nothing left to worry about. I had actually planned a wedding that went off perfectly, and at The Stonehaus it was all about chatting with friends. I did give a speech in which I hope I did not forget to thank everyone who needed to be thanked.

    Between all of the meals (aside from pasta, we shared several pizzas and French fries, breakfasts, a shabu shabu (Japanese hot pot) meal with desserts, plus so much more), snacks (don’t even get me started!) and drinks (I drank more wine this weekend than I have in the past year), it is a wonder that I did not gain fifteen pounds! I was certain that I had lost a lot of ground with my progress. I knew that I would need to return to my disciplined program; on our return to Dallas I would start with a modified program, and then when I return to Canada next Sunday, I will be back on the full-fast program. Despite the fact that I did not lose any ground this weekend, I plan to stick to that plan. I do not know for how much longer I will stay on the full-fast program, but I am going to try for at least six weeks more. We will see how well I do in the next month… and how well I feel doing it. One way or another though I am going to be transitioned to at least semi-normal (rather, my new normal, as my old normal was how I kept gaining weight in the first place) by the beginning of July and my birthday.

    Cigars… wow, did we smoke a lot of good cigars this weekend! Of course I brought a couple of very good boxes of Cuban cigars to share with our guests, and many of them gave us cigars and booze as presents. I also brought three special Davidoff Royal cigars – one for Leslie, one for me, and one for the rabbi. Any cigar smoker who has looked will know that while the Royal is not the most expensive of their offerings, it is in the top two. When Leslie first got into Davidoff cigars last year she saw them and bought two – one for me to smoke on the night of our civil wedding, and one for me to smoke on the night of our religious wedding. That was before she realized how much she really enjoyed cigars, and so I made sure that there were enough for the three of us. We took more than fifty cigars to California with us, and we came home with about the same number… having received many as gifts, and we also found a couple of unexpected treasures in my favourite Westlake Village cigar shop!

    Friends… everyone wanted to spend time with us, and while I love all of my friends, they had to understand that this trip was a short one with one purpose, and that we did not have a lot of bandwidth for extra socializing. One concession to that was Monday evening when we went to my old cigar lounge to meet some of the boys. It was a lot of fun, but Leslie and I were both already drained before we went there. It might be the only time I have been there when I only smoked a single cigar. One bonus that came from that evening was that one of the boys told me that one of our old members is now working at a cigar shop in Dallas! I plan to surprise him today by just popping in. I can hardly wait to see the look on his face!

    I have not been sleeping very well these last few nights, and last night was no exception. It is no wonder with the time change – we were in bed by 11:30, but where we woke up it was only 9:30pm. I hope tonight I will be able to get some rest. If I can, I will try to take a nap before I teach. Fortunately, I know that my class (the second to last one after three months with the same group) will be entirely review, so I really do not have a lot of preparation to do. That does not mean that I do not have to stay awake during class, so if I do not nap then I will have a coffee before class starts.

    Tomorrow I will try to get out for my first jog in over a week, but I need at least one more day to recover. While my fitness watch is showing my Body Battery at 69/100, I have no faith in that this morning, just based on the fatigue (both mental and physical) that I feel. It was a most wonderful weekend, but it was a stressful and exhausting one. My body may be in much better shape than it was in several months ago, but it is still nearly fifty-one years old and cannot get by on four hours of sleep like I did in the Army. No, I did not only sleep four hours last night… according to my watch it was 6.5 hours. It could have been ten hours, I still feel drained and I doubt there is anyone who watched me go these last two weeks who would question why that is. Tomorrow I shall jog. Today is one last day of decompression.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 465

    The last few days have been stressful indeed, but we have arrived safe in California. As yesterday’s journal entry said, there were several delays that affected our plans, but we were checked into the hotel in time to have a lovely dinner before going to services at the temple. The next few days will be tremendous… exciting and stressful at the same time. It looks like everything is falling into place, and whatever does not will be fine too.

    After a very good night sleep we woke up this morning and showered before going for breakfast. This is sunny and the forecast high is 81°. Yes, I am back in the USA so I am back to Fahrenheit. It will be a lovely day indeed!

    With all of my failures these past couple of weeks, it is important to recognize my victories. This morning I realized a huge non-scale victory. For the first time in twenty years I am able to comfortably fit into a hotel bathrobe. Yay! It is also really comfortable… something you would expect from a luxury resort in a rich part of Southern California. Of course I will not steal one, but I am definitely encouraged that I can now go into a store and buy one for myself… without worrying that it would be tent sized.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 463

    As the Airbus 319 hurls me toward Dallas I feel bad about how bad I have cheated these last two days. I have not been out of control, but I have been stressed and anxious and I fell off the path. It was not terrible, but it was not good. I do know that I was heavier this morning than I wanted to be for this trip. It will be easier to manage my anxiety and temptations when I am with Leslie. Her support is always wonderful. When we are together I feel stronger. These last two days I have felt a lot of things, but strong is not one of them.

    In just a couple of hours we will be together and things will be right again. Tomorrow morning we are flying to California for a few days. I continue to work to make sure that our wedding is the perfect memory for her. She deserves it!

    —

    It is now 1:30pm and after a wonderful reunion and a lunch of our favourite salad place, Leslie had to work the rest of the afternoon and so I drove out to my cigar lounge where I am enjoying a nice cigar and relaxing. I have time for one stick, and then I’ll drive back home to spend a wonderful evening with my wife. It is a grey and dreary day so I do not feel bad that I am not smoking on the balcony, but I am sure that after dinner we will enjoy a drink and another cigar together out there. The next few days will be a whirlwind for us, but this evening we get to relax together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 462

    I am checked in for tomorrow’s flight! I am stoked. It was a massive technological pain in the rear, but it is done. I have my boarding pass, I have reserved my Uber pickup, and I am ready… in twenty-four hours I will be with my wife!

    My new clothes arrived on Monday, and yesterday I was able to collect both my alterations and my dry cleaning. The next few days will be a whirlwind of activity, but it will be completely worth it! We have the ketubah and the kippot, I have ordered the food, the wedding cake, and the wine. The food is being handled by the absolute Chassid who works for the community, and I will be making a generous donation into his pocket as well. The cake is being delivered Sunday morning from the kosher bakery in (or right near) Beverly Hills. The kosher wine has been ordered and paid for, and a friend is picking it up today or tomorrow from the winery in Oxnard. All of the honorifics have been assigned and agreed to. The rental car is booked and paid for, and the hotel is reserved. Tomorrow I will spend a few hours at the cigar lounge in Dallas, where they have put aside a number of special cigars that will be for Leslie, the Rabbi, and for me. In addition to that, I am bringing two boxes of Cuban cigars with us to share with our guests, which are already in Dallas. My ring is the same ring we exchanged at the courthouse in Dallas, but Leslie is getting a new ring (for religious reasons), which I already have. If there is anything that I am missing, then I do not know what it is.

    For those of you who think that this preparedness has somehow lessened my current levels of anxiety, I assure you that is not the case. With that said, at least I can maintain an outward calmness with the knowledge that everything that can be planned for has been taken care of.

    Unfortunately, none of that has curbed my emotional stress-snacking these last couple of days, and it is only the tremendous physical activity that I am pushing myself to continue that has stopped me gaining ten pounds this week.

    Speaking of physical activity, I did jog outside yesterday, and it was a great one. I am certain that it was my best-paced outdoor run since I was a soldier, with my slowest kilometre (the 2nd) coming in at 7m17s, and my best an incredible 6m56s. Even jogging into the wind (which blew from west to east) I was killing it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.29km (8.12km)
    • Duration: 1:13:33 (54:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m08s (6m41s)
    • Steps: 11,768 (8,400)
    • Calories burned: 1,300 (1,034)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 160 (154)

    On the MapMyFitness challenge I briefly broke into the top-19,000 yesterday but was pushed slightly above that mark by people who registered their exercise after I did. I am still in the top 13% though – an impressive feat indeed, especially knowing that I did not do any serious walking or running until February, and it was not until March that I was getting out almost daily. As I have said before, I am not going to come close to the top of the leaderboard… but I will complete the challenge, and I will continue to compete with myself to be better than I was last week and last month… and certainly better than I was last year! The fact that I have run 90km in April amazes me (especially since I did not record my first run of the month until April 10). I will keep going until I win… not against anyone else but me.

    I came home and prepared my lunch, then jumped into the shower to clean myself off. When I emerged, I had enough time to get dressed and then prepare a salad before the chicken was ready. Had I just stopped there, yesterday would have been a success. I did not. Enough said. I weigh exactly what I weighed a month ago, even though I have been up and down a lot in that time. As long as thiis a plateau rather than my falling off the wagon then I am okay with that. I have made such incredible progress – I am nearly fifty pounds down since January 1 – that I cannot really fault myself for the occasional slide… as long as that is all that it is.

    While it is completely out of character for me, my suitcase is packed… or at least, it is as packed as it can be in advance, which is to say that my toothbrush and assorted sundries will go in this evening. I have enough socks, underwear, shoes, and t-shirts in Dallas so as to not need to worry about those, but my suit, sports jacket, vest, and shirts had to be packed. I am also taking a couple of ties, even though Leslie has bought me some gorgeous ones! There is one in particular that I will wear with my vest and burgundy shirt that matches perfectly. My carry-on bag is also packed – including several religious objects that are needed for the wedding. This evening before my class starts, I will give it all a once-over to make sure I have not forgotten anything, and then I will close them and be ready. Until then, I will just try to stay calm.

    I was supposed to go to the doctor’s office to get weighed this morning, but after a terrible night’s sleep I had a big balagan with checking in for my flight, and by the time it was resolved I had missed the appointment. I called and scheduled a new appointment for the week I get back from the trip. Unfortunately, that will have to be an afternoon appointment as I am teaching in the morning.

    Today I break my streak. My steps goal streak, currently sitting at 16 days, will not be extended. I know that jogging is good for so many things, but it has also been causing me to feel muscle aches in my glutes – the joys of getting back into shape – which can, the day of and the day after a good workout, cause discomfort while sitting for long spells. Knowing that I will be spending 4 hours on a plane tomorrow as well as the following day, I decided that caution is the order of the day. I also saw that my daily step goal has increased once more, now at 12,610 steps (up from 8,560 on Saturday). That number will continue to increase as long as I smash it every day (yesterday my goal was 11,490, and I hit 17,045 steps). I suspect that taking a day off from time to time is probably prudent. Additionally, after a lousy night’s sleep, my Body Battery peaked at 72/100 when I woke up this morning and is already down to 65. With my Uber scheduled to collect me at 3:30am, I know I will not get much more sleep this evening. I am going to take it easy and give my body time to recuperate.

    My plans for the day are to relax. I will be mindful and will do my best to not snack. I will have a single midday meal of a piece of salmon and salad and maybe some rice, but aside from that I will try to behave. If I do that, then tomorrow morning I will get onto the plane knowing that even though I did not do well the last ten days or so, at least I have not fallen completely off the wagon. I am teaching this evening, and as has been the case the last few times that I took early morning flights the next day I will try to get to bed and to sleep as quickly after finishing class as I can.

    Princess Sophie will have a fun eleven-day visit with her friends. She will go to Sue’s apartment later in the afternoon because we do not want to disturb her at 3:00am. I will not see her again until I am back the evening of May 7, which is sad but cannot be avoided. Right now, she has her best friend Charlie over for a play date, and they will have plenty of those during my absence. In the meantime, I am going to pack her toys and treats and food and dishes to make sure she has everything she needs while I am away. In the meantime, I am sure she and I will head out for another walk at some point during the day!

    I have this nagging feeling that I am forgetting something, but for the life of me I cannot think of what. Aside from my class this evening I have nothing planned, and only one errand (to go pick up Smarties for my stepson). A friend was going to come over for a cigar in the afternoon, but I asked him not to because if I do realize that I forgot something then I want to be able to deal with it without inconveniencing anyone else. I am going to prepare my lunch, and then try to relax. I still have a number of phone calls to make, but unless there is an aha moment, I am going to take today very easy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 457

    I got back on track yesterday… mostly. I did have some peanuts after my workout. However, I ate them instead of my meal replacement. While I am still making excuses for myself, I did better yesterday than I did in five of the previous six days, and the results paid off. I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see a three-pound drop from yesterday. It was a relief to see my weight drop below 260 lbs. once again.

    As I mentioned, the weather yesterday was not conducive to running outside. I headed to the gym, where I had a frustrating experience. Another member mistook my biometric padlock for his own, and when his fingerprint would not open it, he assumed the battery had died, so he asked the staff to cut it open. When I got out of the shower to discover my lock was open (with my cell phone right there) I was appalled that I had neglected to lock it… but then, that is as unlike me as praying to Jesus would be. I got dressed, made sure that nothing was missing, and then went to the front desk to ask if anyone had turned in the lock. The staff told me what happened and were very apologetic. I want to smack the other member for not manning up and saying ‘Oops, this was not my lock… boy do I feel silly.’ But he did not, and so my locker was unsecured for however long I was gone. The world is filled with irresponsible pricks… here’s one more.

    I did take the opportunity to recalibrate my fitness walk on the treadmill. I would have thought the first time would have been enough, but over my last couple of runs I realized the discrepancy between the treadmill and the tracker over a 5km jog was almost 10%, so I made sure to jog exactly 3.11 miles (5km) so that I could calibrate it properly. I felt great and might have kept going, but I knew I had a lot of things to take care of in the afternoon, so I stopped there.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.00km (10.08km)
    • Duration: 38:30 (1:18:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m41 (7m46s)
    • Steps: 5,900 (12,150)
    • Calories burned: 525 (1,200)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    Wedding planning update: I spent the afternoon on the phone (or playing phone tag with) the bakery for the cake, the synagogue director for the logistics and catering, and the hotel VP of sales for the suite. If this sounds like it is just three simple phone calls then you have never planned and organized a wedding, and you have definitely never done it for a wedding that is being held 4,000 kilometres away. By the time all of that was taken care of, my mind was more than a little frazzled, and I was glad the weather was nice enough to sit outside with a cigar. We were not yet done of course… Leslie and I still had our meeting with the rabbi yesterday evening, which was delayed for unavoidable reasons, and which prevented me from getting to Taekwondo class as I had hoped. Following that call (which some might consider exciting, while others will see it as a trigger for extreme anxiety and panic) I realized I had a few more calls that I needed to make, including calling a buddy to act as photographer. I also had to make decisions about who to give certain honorifics to, and then call them to make sure they were willing. Yes, this is an exciting event… but never tell me that there is not a lot of work that goes into it!

    My plan for today is to stay the course. I am going to jog outside today as the temperatures are going up (it is currently 8° and cloudy and going up to 20° by mid-afternoon). My Body Battery is currently reporting at 90/100 which is down from the incredible 98 when I woke up but is still higher than I have ever seen it. I mentioned in the last few days that while I had not thought anything of this measurement at first, when I had zero energy to continue running last week, I realized that it was real. I confirmed that this morning when I was out with Her Royal Floofness; she wanted to stop and smell the roses (really the grass), and I wanted to run! She won out of course… her walk, her rules. When I am finished with this article I will suit up and go out, at which point it will be my jog, my rules! I feel like I might get a 10km run in, but I am just happy to be able to get out and go… for the twelfth day in a row, which extends my record steps-goal streak which I set yesterday. Woohoo!

    I am teaching this afternoon so when I get home I will remember to shave after I shower. I know I need it when my wife notices that I haven’t shaved in a couple of days. At 2:00pm I have a couple of friends coming over for a cigar, and it will be nice to see them both. Of course, I have seen both of them in the last week, but I always appreciate being able to spend time with my friends. How exciting is it that a week from today Leslie and I will be sitting with some of my California friends in the afternoon?

    While I am thrilled that I dropped slightly more than three pounds from yesterday, my weight this morning is still just under five pounds up from my best weight ever which I recorded a week ago. I would love to be able to stay on track for the next week and lose that weight so that I can land in Dallas at my new best weight, but as long as I do my best then I will be satisfied with that. Leslie and I had a long chat last night about my cheating, and how she can help me… and when she should be worried. It gave me a lot to think about. I think the most important thing is for me to meet my daily goals – when I say in the morning that this is what I want to do today then I should do my best to do that. Almost every day for the last week I have said I am going to stay on my full-fast program, and then promptly fell off it… even if just a little. My goal for today is to not do that. Stay true to the program and see another weight loss tomorrow morning. I do not know at this point if it is even possible for me to achieve my previously stated short-term goal of dropping below 250 lbs. before our wedding, but I am going to do my absolute best to get as close to that as possible. How? Mindfulness and focus.

    Have a great day folks, and Shabbat Shalom!

  • Day 446

    Okay, let’s get back on track. Starting right now, I am on track again. The numbers on the bathroom scale this morning scared me straight, and I am back on the full fast program… at least, for now. I do not know how much longer I will do it, and I might transition to a partial program sometime soon… but I weigh nine pounds more than I did at my best weight ever, and I am going to shed that off in a hurry. Also, I know that in less than three weeks I am getting married to my wife (yes, we are already married, and yes, this is the ceremony we are looking forward to, not just the two of us in the courthouse), so I want to look as good as I can!

    Why, you may ask, did I gain so much weight from yesterday to today? It is easy to chalk it up to air travel, but I am the first to admit that I cheated… a lot. At the airport, I sat down for a meal of a veggie omelet, which is not at all bad. While I am sure they fry it in too much oil, and to make it tastier they add more cheese than necessary, I still know that three eggs at dinnertime was not my downfall. Nor, I should mention, was the remaining half-handful of almonds that I still had in my knapsack from the flight down. It was the bag of chips that I bought at the airport, knowing that the only snacks available to me on the plane would not be kosher for Passover. Also, it was the meal replacement that I had after midnight when I came home, not wanting to go to bed hungry. Two really stupid moves. It was already going to take me at least a few days to get back down to my best weight ever… now I am just that much farther from it. The journey starts now, and it starts with me back on the program, and it continues with me getting out to jog today.

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington, but I miss Leslie already. It is always wonderful when we are together, and so much more difficult each time we are apart. I know that this will change eventually, but not soon enough for us.

    The forecast for today is sunny until 3:00pm, at which point it clouds over. By noon (in an hour) the temperatures should be around 13°, going up to 17° over the following two hours. That should be the sweet spot for my first outdoor jog in a couple of weeks. When I get home, after I shower, I will have my second meal replacement of the day, and then I will probably sit outside on the balcony with a cigar. I am teaching this evening, and tomorrow during the day I have to work on my cybersecurity presentation that I am doing on Friday. I have already created the outline for it, now I just have to fill in all of the slides, and then write a script for it. This should be fun, but as with my last one, it will be a lot of work!

    I am not treating today as another Day 1 on the program; It is simply the day that I return to it from holiday. While I am reasonably sure the meal replacements are not strictly kosher for Passover, they will do me fine, and Hashem will understand. In 2020 I fell off the wagon hard after Yom Kippur. That will not happen this time around. I went over some bumps, but I am righting the ship… starting right now.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 439

    I am having a wonderful time, and I am not apologetic in the least (to anyone, but least of all to myself) that the bathroom scale has my weight slightly up again, on top of the tremendous jump from yesterday. It is not that I am overeating terribly, nor that I am making particularly bad food choices. For the second night in a row we came in very late and ate very late. I will get back on track today… I did have a bowl of cereal for breakfast (not a great choice), but lunch will be a salad, and for dinner I will prepare a nice piece of fish with a side vegetable – probably cauliflower.

    I did make sure to get all of my steps in yesterday. I am not running for a couple of reasons (and will not run today) but I did get a lot of walking in. While my body is feeling mostly fine, I do still have that niggling blister on the bottom of my foot that is making me hold back for another day. According to my fitness watch I have hit my steps target eight days in a row; I would like to keep that going, even though I will still hold back from running. If I do not then that is not the end of the world – I have a lot of things going on today, including a meeting this afternoon and teaching this evening. Come to think of it, unless a miracle happens, I suspect my streak will end today. Not the end of the world.

    My plan for today is to get back on track. My daily cheat was a bowl of breakfast cereal, which is not the worst thing in the world. I have already mentioned what else I will be eating. There will be cigars in the afternoon, and possibly in the evening as well. The main thing I have to remember is that after dinner (which will be later than usual because of my class, but not late) I will not eat anything else. If I stick to this plan, tomorrow morning the numbers on the bathroom scale should be a little forgiving of the last three days of transgressions.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 438

    My weight this morning was terrible. I know there are several factors involved, and I also know that I probably overdid it for a few weeks, so this blip (and it will be only a blip) is not going to bother me. I had little sleep, I had a reasonably unhealthy breakfast at the airport, I had a decent lunch, but between this and that, with the snacks I bought for the airplane (and which I had more of with a cigar later), and with the food I ate when I got home (in addition to a bowl of cereal, I also had several slices of dried fruit – and all of that very late at night), it is no wonder that the scale this morning was trying to scare me. Today I will be more mindful, and while I am not going back onto my full-fast, I will be more careful of what (and when) I eat. I am still taking a few days before going back onto my modified program, hoping that a couple of my issues do right themselves. I hope that by the time I get back to Canada they will all be a distant memory, and I can get back to losing weight.

    I did not jog yesterday, but I did decide to walk back to where I am staying from the cigar lounge. It was a 6.5 km walk which is absolutely nothing that would be a problem for me, but I was wearing sandals; even had I not slipped and stepped into a mud puddle reminiscent of the La Brea Tar Pits, I would still have had blisters. As it was, when I got back, I spent ten minutes spraying mud off the sandal… and my foot. I was planning to take a break from jogging for a couple of days, but I still wanted to reach my daily steps goal. I crushed it!

    Today I will not be jogging again, but I am going somewhere later in the day that will, once again, involve a lot of walking… and standing around. I will wear much more sensible shoes today and will take better care. The blisters on my feet are more a nuisance than they are a pain, but if I do not take care of them then I may be taking a longer break from jogging than originally planned.

    My goal is to return to Canada a week from today no more than ten pounds heavier than when I left. As long as I am mindful, I will be fine. If that sounds like a lot, you are right… but when you go from eating no carbs or starches to eating a lot of them, the weight can jump back quickly. Yesterday was a bad day for that, but the rest of the week I will be much more careful.

    Yesterday morning I posted on my Facebook wall before and after pictures, with the following message:

    I want to thank those of you who have offered words of support over my journey. Fourteen months ago I made the decision to stop being fat. I have been overweight since shortly after the Army, and I decided I did not want to be overweight anymore. To all of you with whom I was short when asked about it or offered advice, I am sorry… not sorry. Too many people have offered too many opinions and advice, and none of them are doctors or weight loss professionals.

    To those who want to know how much weight I have lost, the simple answer is that I have lost a healthy buxom supermodel… maybe a little more.

    To those who want to know how I did it, the simple answer is cigars and the flesh of those who thought their unsolicited advice was so necessary to foist on me.

    To those who have been supportive and offered words of encouragement, who have not tried to get me to eat or drink just this once, I thank you.

    To all of you, I love you all. While I have maintained a weight loss blog (that was always openly accessible, but never publicly discussed on open forums, this is the first time I am publicly discussing it and sharing my before and current photos. I say current and not after because I am not done… but it is time.

    I will never offer unsolicited advice, and I know what works for me might not be right for you. But if you want positive support and encouragement from someone who has been there, reach out.

    Picture 1 was taken on January 19, 2022. Picture 2 was taken on March 30, 2023.

    The response from friends and colleagues has been amazing. Now I have to stay like this… or keep getting better.

    Have a great day folks!