Losing a part of me

Category: Wife

  • Day 310

    My diet buddy had to cancel yesterday’s meeting for professional reasons. She is a teacher in a school and was acting principal yesterday. There was an accident with the school bus, and she had a lot of reports that had to be written. That is a perfectly understandable reason for canceling!

    Leslie and I spent a few hours with Lyle yesterday, and he shared with us his holiday slide show. It is amazing how people go on vacation differently, and how different their telling of a trip can be. Lyle, for example, is a master chef, and a genius of the culinary arts. As such, there were scores of pictures of food, and he gave us a detailed explanation of every dish that they ate during their ten days in Italy. If it was me, expert in many things but not in foods, I might have had a picture or two of a couple of dishes, but I would have simply raved about how wonderful the food was.

    One possible unexpected consequence of the telling was that after seeing so many pictures (and hearing the explanations) of unkosher meats, I got queasy in my gut. Queasy might even be the wrong word; I was in pain – so much so in fact that I ended up in the washroom twice while we were there, and then after an uncomfortable drive home, once when we were here. It was a weird sensation, knowing that I was having those sharp pains, but also, not having eaten since morning, I was hungry. If ever two diametrically opposed pains there were!

    I had a small bite to eat when I was finished in the washroom, and then Leslie and I relaxed for a couple of hours. One unsurprising consequence of the slideshow was that both of us were in the mood for Italian food, and I made reservations at a restaurant in Oakville that I have loved for years and have not been to in quite some time. Leslie took one look at the menu and knew that she would be having the mushroom risotto – she is an absolute fiend for mushrooms! As I am eating differently than I did that last time I ate there, I also picked a mushroom pasta dish. Not only am I eating much less meat than I used to, I am also reticent to eat meat in restaurants that might serve pork. Also, the mixing of meat with cheese is forbidden. As such, the vegetarian options are simpler. It was truly tasty! For dessert, I had a chocolate tartufo (which is an Italian ice cream) while Leslie enjoyed her cannoli siciliano, which were both out of this world!

    With all of my cheats yesterday, I expected my weight to be up a pound or even more this morning. I stepped onto the scale and was shocked to see that it was down; not only was it down, it was down nearly six pounds! It was down to what I weighed two weeks ago, right before my knee started to hurt, and before my weight loss slide started! In disbelief, I stepped off the scale, moved it a few inches, and tried again, and then once more. While all three measurements were slightly different, they were all within the margin of error. Is it possible that my bowel issues yesterday afternoon cleared out some sort of blockage that has been causing my weight gain this past fortnight? I do not know, but I am really hoping that it is not an anomaly. I will continue as I have been these last few days and will once again resume my strict regimen once Leslie flies home. If I am back to where I was, then I will be thrilled. I have been thinking these last couple of days that when I got back to the routine, I would have nearly ten pounds to lose to get back into best-weight-yet territory. If this is the truth, then it is really only 2-3 lbs.

    We do not have a lot planned for the day. I know we have to do some shopping for groceries – we have to buy challah for the Sabbath, and Leslie wants to make chicken salad, so we need the fixings for that – but aside from that, I think we are going to spend a quiet day close to home. It is nice out, but extremely windy, and unless the wind dies down throughout the course of the afternoon, I do not see us sitting outside on the patio and smoking. The forecast does predict that the wind abates by about 3pm, so that might be a possibility, but we will play it by ear. One of the great parts about a lazy day – and a day when neither of us has to work – is that we can do that. No plans, we will just do what we want to do.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 307

    This morning I did something that I have not been able to do for over a week. I went about my morning routine, took my pills, but did not include pain killers. Yes, my knee is actually starting to feel semi-normal again! I am very happy about that. After making a scrumptious breakfast of French toast for my wife (of which I only had a few small bites), I had a meal replacement shake. If there is any better sign of my commitment to eating but not overdoing it this week, I do not know what that might be! For lunch, I am going to pick up one of Leslie’s favourites… and one of mine too. Shawarma is a huge delicacy in parts of the world where I have spent a great deal of time, and I have always considered it to be part of my culture. Strictly speaking, it should not be too much of an aberrance from my weight loss program… as long as I do not do it too often.

    It seems to be turning into a lovely day outside, and I suspect that Leslie and I will take advantage of that by sitting on the balcony and enjoying a cigar. Even if I have to turn the heater on, it will be lovely for us to be able to do that. Last night we went to Eduardo’s for a couple of cigars, and that was truly nice… but we also enjoy smoking when it is just the two of us. Today will be such a day. I know that tomorrow we are going to Cambridge, where we will smoke with Ryan et al, and Thursday we are going to Hamilton to have Thanksgiving dinner with Lyle and Dorothy (as well as with Rob and Pippa), so being able to spend a day where it is just the two of us will be a delight.

    While my weight yesterday morning was up above the 310-pound mark, today it is down nearly half a pound, at 310 pounds even. I am okay with that, knowing that I only have a few days left of ‘vacation with my wife,’ after which I will go back to my boring routine. I am truly hoping that by the end of the week my knee will be back to normal. While I doubt I will be back in the gym before she leaves, I would like to resume that next Monday. Knowing (or at least now strongly suspecting) that the injury to my knee was not an injury at all, but was in fact just gout, I will be able to hit the ground running. Even so, I suspect that I will be skittish about my lower body and will spend a lot of focus on my upper body strength for a bit. The treadmill will be my go-to lower-body routine for a bit.

    Today should be a relaxing day with my wife… a bit of shopping, a lovely lunch, and soaking up all of the love that a married couple should have.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 306

    The doctor at the clinic suspects my knee injury is actually an inflammation of gout. While I did not know that gout could manifest off the foot, this is amazing news. It means that with the right meds, I’ll be right as rain in a couple of days. I already woke up this morning in significantly less pain than the last week! I do confess though that I think it is part of getting old… I am hurting, and for no good reason.

    I am eating regularly this week, although I will be very careful. I want to enjoy my week with Leslie, and once she is gone I will go back to starving myself and the gruelling exercise routine. I deserve a break… but I will not go nuts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 305

    After a long day not being able to do anything, we drove my son the younger home, and I took Leslie for a scrumptious Greek dinner. Here’s a tip: it hardly matters how good you are on your diet. If you finish dinner with a Chocolate and Almond Baklava with a scoop of ice cream, you are unlikely to lose weight that day. I was only up a fifth of a pound, which I’ll call a success.

    Leslie and I ran errands today after sharing an omelette for breakfast. I made chicken with a Buffalo sauce for lunch. Now we are sitting at the walk-in clinic hoping the doctor will magically fix my knee.

    Dinner will be leftovers – both Greek from last night and chicken from lunch. I am hoping my knee will not be in so much pain, and I can resume some sort of physical activity.

    I did not sleep badly last night. Tonight might be better… we bought new pillows!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 304

    Yesterday was a very divided day. It was always going to end wonderfully, as I picked Leslie up from the airport. It is so wonderful having her back in the Rectangle-Free Zone! Her plane landed early, and she was in my arms by 11:00pm. That is where she belongs!

    Unfortunately I got some bad news yesterday midday. My ex-wife called me and told me that our son the elder had a seizure and was in the hospital. We still have no word on why, but we are praying for the best. The fact that I was able to deliver the remainder of my class in a semi-competent and coherent manner speaks to… something, I don’t know what. I will say that it was exhausting, trying to stay focused on IT security while my mind was entirely elsewhere. Hopefully my students were satisfied by the delivery, but I know I could have done a better job.

    After class, I waited for Leslie to get to the airport in Dallas, and we lit the candles and said the prayers over WhatsApp. I hoped that they would bring me calmness but was obviously praying for my son. I think I was crying as I read the benedictions that I have recited thousands of times without a thought. When it was over, I devoured the challah with peanut butter. That, and a couple of biscotti-thins at Eduardo’s later in the evening, accounted for the sum total of my cheating… and must be the reason I once again gained nearly a pound this morning.

    I am wondering if my knee inflammation – which is huge, and excruciating – might have something to do with my weight gain this week. Yes, it is preventing me from exercising… but it is also extremely inflamed. I do not know how that works and am going to assume it is not, but it might be partially to blame. Who knows? Not I.

    Once again, the pain disturbed my sleep last night – worse than ever. I decided yesterday morning to wear a knee brace for a couple of hours to see if it helped. I know from past experience that wearing one all day increases the pain. By the time I removed it midnight was in the rear-view mirror, and there was no comfortable way to lie down. I did fall asleep for a couple of hours, but once I got up to pee, there was no position that worked. I finally got out of bed, knowing that sitting up is less painful than lying down. This is something else I do not understand. I sat at the kitchen table for an hour before realizing I have a perfectly good couch, and I did manage to get another 30-40 minutes of sleep before having to wake up to pick up my son the younger.

    Theresa called me when she got home from the hospital last night and asked me to pick him up at 7:30am so she could return. The original plan was for Leslie and I to pick him up and take him for breakfast. When I came in from walking Her Royal Floofness, Theresa called and told me he had not slept well and wanted to come to my apartment to sleep. That is exactly what happened, and he is fast asleep in my bed. The Princess goes into the room every few minutes to see that he is okay, but he has not moved in over an hour. I do not know how long he will sleep, but Leslie and I are content to be together and keep our voices down. We never had plans to go out today (we might have, but nothing was planned), and neither of us takes issue with a quiet and lazy day at home… especially knowing it is Holy Crap Degrees Below Zero outside. To wit, when I came in from the walk with HRF, I touched her face to kiss her with a hand that was never out of my leather glove, and she freaked out from how cold it was. Yes ladies and gentlemen, winter has arrived in Southern Ontario.

    When my son wakes up I assume he will be hungry, and we will all go out for lunch. We will let him decide where, but I am not driving to Buffalo Wild Wings… he can pick any restaurant he wants, as long as it is in Burlington. As it happens, if he was not here today, I would likely be sitting in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic, because after last night it is now clear to me that I need to have a doctor look at my knee. Spending an hour with my foot on the gas pedal is not going to happen. Wherever he decides to eat, I will be good. I want my weight to be slightly lower tomorrow morning, and not slightly higher.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 303

    Up nearly a pound today. Yuck. Yes, the weather has had me down, and my bum knee has prevented any serious activity. Neither of those were reasons to cheat yesterday. I decided to buy popcorn for when Leslie is here… and I indulged in a bag. This, after munching on some peanuts and dried apricots on my way home from the grocery store. BAD MITCH.

    What matters more than anything is that Leslie arrives tonight! I am so excited! I am really looking forward to finally having her back in my arms, and not in the Rectangle Zone where we have spent the last month on video chats. In preparation, I did laundry – my bed sheets needed to be changed, and there was a load of laundry already sitting in the dryer that I took the opportunity to fold. I bought only the provisions required to make her breakfast tomorrow, as I know that we love grocery shopping together. I finally got around to wrapping the Channukah presents that she will take back to Texas with her, and I included with that pile a Chanukkiah (candelabra) so that she and her son (my stepson!) can light the candles with me from Dallas. I have to remember to point out that the best way that I have found to clean the leftover wax out from the previous evening is with a flathead screwdriver… and I did my best to clean it out for her. I am ready for my wife to arrive!

    I thought I was going to have to get up at a ridiculously early hour this morning, but late in the afternoon yesterday Eduardo called and cancelled. He had been worried that his smaller car would not be big enough to hold all of his estranged wife’s luggage for the drive to the airport, but his son was able to get all of it in without too much trouble. While I was happy to help (even though it would have made today a very long and difficult day for me), I was relieved when he told me I did not have to wake up at 3:30am to start my day. Not to confuse sleeping until 6:15am with sleeping in, I was nevertheless able to start my day at a reasonable (and pre-planned) hour to go through my morning routines, including taking Her Royal Floofness for a walk to the park. Well, for me it is still a stumble/limp to the park, but my knee is a bit better than it was yesterday, and my girl was able to play with some friends, romp in the fresh snow, and do all of her business. She will likely have a playdate with Charlie today, but Sue will confirm that in the next hour.

    With the returned normalcy to my day, I will go to Eduardo’s after class this evening (after lighting the Sabbath candles). We will smoke a couple of cigars, and we will commiserate. His original thought last week was that he would be celebrating his estranged wife’s departure, which effectively ends their marriage. I told him that as Jews we do not celebrate the death of an enemy in war, we take the time to think on what that other person (even our most hated enemies are people too) have given up. It should be the same with the ending of an unhappy marriage. While they may not have been happy together, they did once care about each other to get married. He agreed, and so tonight we will not celebrate, but we will look back… and look forward.

    From Eduardo’s I will drive to the airport! I will pick up my beautiful wife and for the first time in just over a month I will be able to hold her in my arms. I miss that so much, and it feels like much longer than a month since she dropped me off at the airport in Dallas. Our physical separations cause me physical pain, and I know she feels the same. Each separation – whether a few days or a few weeks – is harder and harder, but the reunifications are so sweet! The anticipation may well kill me though… I still have fifteen hours to wait before I get to see her.

    This evening, right after class, I will call her, and once again we will light the Sabbath candles. We will say the benedictions over the candles, the wine, and the challah. Once again, I will say my prayers sincerely asking G-d to deliver peace and joy to all of my loved ones. I think this week, more than many, my loved ones are in need of it. I think maybe I am too.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 302

    I lost 1.6 lbs. from yesterday, which is a good bit of progress. These last two days I am down 2.4 lbs. It is still only about a third of the more than 7 lbs. that I gained in this recent slide, but positive progress is better than the alternative. I have written before that you can claw your way to losing five pounds over the course of a week, and then ruin it with one good (really bad) meal. Positive progress is slow, but regression can come too quick.

    My knee is still aching terribly, but if I am not mistaken there might be a bit of improvement over yesterday. It is still stiff and painful, but it might be less so than yesterday. I am hoping that trend continues. I have been giving a lot of thought as I lie awake at night thinking about the workout that probably did me in. I knew as I was doing them that the knee extensions were hurting me on that leg, but I did not want to back down. I will be very careful about anything around my knees going forward. Hopefully it is getting better, but I will continue to ice it and take the anti-inflammatories. If it is still bothering me on the weekend, I will go to the clinic.

    I got a call from Eduardo earlier today asking me to drive his estranged wife to the airport tomorrow. She needs to be at the airport for 5:00am, which means that I set an alarm for 3:30am. I will be going to sleep very early this evening. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day! I am picking Leslie up at the airport at 11:00pm, which means that I will not be in bed before 1:00am. A 22-hour day would have been common a few years ago, but not anymore. Fortunately I will be able to sleep from 6:00pm to 10:00pm after my class (and after walking Princess Sophie). Otherwise, I am not sure I would be able to manage it.

    It is mid-afternoon, and I have not cheat-eaten yet. I had my chicken and salad for lunch, and after my class, I will have a meal replacement. It would be nice if tomorrow morning I am down another two pounds, but that is reaching. I only hope to keep inching my way back to my best-weight-yet territory, but I am more than four pounds away from that, so hopefully by Monday.

    Today’s entry is late, and tomorrow’s is going to be extremely tired. I strongly suspect that tomorrow will be a two-pots-of-coffee day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 297

    It is frustrating that I do so well throughout a day, and then ruin it at the end. I do not think that the challah and peanut putter I had last night was worth a 1.2 lbs. gain this morning, especially after a good workout. I am glad though that after my workout, the scale at the gym read 9 lbs. lower than this morning’s weigh-in.

    My trainer and I worked out again yesterday, and yes, I am feeling it in my muscles today. I am not sure when our next session will be, owing to the fact that I am teaching every day next week. It is likely that a couple of them will be while Leslie is here, and then the remaining sessions will be after Kezi is back from her vacation.

    Speaking of Leslie, we are now inside one week from her visit. I am so excited that I will finally see her again! Yes, it has been too long.

    Eduardo is coming over for a cigar this afternoon, but I think I will head to the gym now for a bit. I will not do a full workout, I will just get onto the treadmill for half an hour or so. I find my pace on the treadmill is much faster than my pace when walking on the street… even though I do not enjoy it nearly as much.

    Okay, here’s the plan: I am going to be at the gym from 10-12 (which will include shower and sauna and stuff). I will come home and make my lunch, and then cigars with Eduardo. I know he is going through some difficult things right now, and I will always be a compassionate ear to listen when friends are in need.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 292

    I am back from the doctor’s office, where I was pleased to be down 1kg. Oddly, the same scale that converts from kilos to pounds had me down much more in the imperial system… oh well.

    My doctor is extremely pleased with my weight loss progress over the last 10 months and told me as much. He is also impressed by my blood pressure (97/67). I am at no risk of hypertension. He said that the last time we did a blood screen I was okay, so there is no need to do that again ahead of schedule… sometime early next year I would think.

    Something else the doctor discussed with me is a new medication that is a once per week injection that suppresses the appetite and helps with weight loss. He asked if I have medical benefits and I told him I do not. Aside from it being quite pricey, he agrees that I do not currently need it, and that when my progress abated then we can discuss it again. Maybe when I move to the US I could get it… but I am hoping that by then, I will no longer be obese.

    I cheated yesterday. I am embarrassed to say that I gorged on crackers, but I did. I have to do better today!

    Eduardo is feeling better, and will come over later in the afternoon for a cigar and a chat. I was worried about him, and am glad that he is better.

    I really miss my wife. I am counting the days until she comes to see me, which is now eleven days away. Will I meet my goal of weighing under 300 lbs. by then? The potential is there… as long as I do not continue to cheat on a regular basis! I want to put on a suit and take her out on the town all dolled up. That is my current goal!

    After the doctor, I had my winter tyres put onto my car, as well as an oil change. While oil changes will never go away, this should be my last season of winter tyres… unless the US State Department drags their feet. I am crossing my fingers that does not happen, and that a year from now I am living with Leslie. I miss her too much for this to drag on!

    The weather has not quite turned, but under the sunny skies, it is a much cooler day today than it was Saturday. Even yesterday was warmer, but the wind negated that. I can definitely feel the winter coming. In Canada, that means warm weather clothes, turning the heat on (at home and in the car), and switching out trainers for winter boots. Ahh, the joys of Canadian winters are plentiful…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 291

    While I did take small bits of snacks at Ryan’s place yesterday, it was not nearly on the same level as last weekend. I did, however, forget my meal replacement bars – or at least, I thought I did – which meant that I accepted the proffered dinner of a steak sandwich, which I shared with Princess Sophie. It turns out that the meal replacements were in the car, and I could have avoided all of it had I realized that. Sigh.

    My weight this morning is .2lbs up from yesterday, which is really within the margin of error. I am going to the doctor’s office tomorrow and am praying that I am at least 1kg down from two weeks ago, but if I cheat today, that is unlikely. We all know what that means of course… I cannot cheat today! I forgot that I finished the last of my chicken yesterday, which means that I have to go to the supermarket to pick some up today. While I am there, I also need onions and tomatoes. Lord knows, I have enough carrots and celery to sink a ship… owing to my miscalculation regarding the requirements for my chicken soup.

    Speaking of which, I did what I could to remove the schmaltz from the chicken soup, which is now in a jar in my fridge. All seven containers of chicken soup are now in the freezer, and I am somewhat reminded of my mother’s kitchen. Miriam z”l did not have a lot of fine qualities, but she did make fabulous chicken soup. Seldom could you open one of our freezers without finding frozen containers of chicken soup. I can assure you that her soup was much better than mine… and likely any other that I have ever tasted. Of course, those freezers (yes, there was always a second freezer in the house) were replete with everything you can imagine; the Tetris game that I play with my cigars in the humidors is amateur hour compared to how she would pack a freezer. Of course, anyone who disturbed her methods would feel her wrath, but then I did not ever have to work hard to feel that.

    I was speaking with Leslie about how much we miss one another last night. It really is hard to live separately. We are really looking forward to seeing each other in twelve days time, but we both truly long for the day when we can live together forever. Our generation was instilled with the mantra of ‘Good things come to those who wait.’ This is a concept chiefly foreign to the younger generation, who have been raised with the concept of immediate rewards. I know we both have to wait, and eventually the State Department will issue my visa… but the time predicted for that to happen seems so long to us both. At least we have the means and the ability to visit so that we can spend time together every month… but we both feel that each time we part it is harder and harder on us. I pray for a quick response and a positive outcome!

    My plan for the day: I have to go to the supermarket to pick up some chicken and veggies for lunch (for today and the next few days). After that, I am going to Georgetown to a herf with some of the boys up there. I have to be prepared to hear a lot of racist jokes and far-right opinions. I have not yet decided if I am going to keep my opinions to myself or not; this might be a good opportunity for me to practice my reasonable voice. We’ll see… sometimes it is just less stressful to hold my tongue. If there is food at the herf, I will abstain. That is one of the reasons my lunch is so important! I thought about defrosting a steak, but after having the steak sandwich yesterday, I think that would be ill-advised. My gout has not been bothering me since I started taking the preventative meds daily, but why tempt fate, right?

    Have a great day folks!