Losing a part of me

Category: Wife

  • Day 285

    Based on my cheating yesterday at Ryan’s house (which proves, once again, that I have not yet broken my relationship with food) I suspected I would be writing a very different entry for today’s journal. Instead, here is what I have to say.

    In March 2021 my best weight was 305.6lbs. It was on March 1 that Leslie and I both started training on a team where we would work together… and fall in love. It was March 3 that I weighed my best. By the day that she confessed her feelings for me, some four months later, I had gained 40lbs. By January the next year, I would gain another fifty pounds. Leslie did not fall in love with me because of my body; I have never once doubted the sincerity of her love for who I am. While our relationship has also experienced some highs and lows over the past year, our love for one another has never been a question.

    Several weeks ago, I realized that at some point my weight would drop below what I weighed last March… and that going forward, every best-weight-ever recorded would also be the lowest weight at which my wife has ever known me. I know she loved me (and was attracted to me) at my heaviest weight, although she was as frustrated as I was by my limitations based on my enormous size. It was during her last visit to see me in 2021 when I decided that I was going to start my weight loss program again in January.clip_image002 It took a few weeks longer than I had hoped – I originally planned (as everyone does) to start January 1 – but I did eventually get going. Through the best of times and worst of them, Leslie has supported me, has encouraged me, has loved me. I have felt that every failure was not only me failing, but it was also me disappointing her. Maybe that is why after a bad fight in July, I decided to redouble my efforts to lose the weight.

    As you can see from the graph that I included, my weight loss has not been a straight downward line. Rather, it has a lot of peaks and valleys. It goes up a bit, it goes down a bit. The important thing, as Leslie consistently reminds me, is that the overall trend is significantly downward. What has no ups and downs is Leslie’s love for me. Yes, there have been times when she has been furious with me… she has never stopped loving me. That is one of the reasons I keep going… not only on my weight loss program, but in general.

    Today, for the first time since the week we met, I weigh less than I weighed that fateful week. I am officially the lowest weight I have ever been since the gorgeous woman who is my wife has known me. I see that as a huge milestone, possibly moreso than the upcoming milestone of dropping below 300lbs (for the first time since February 2021). I have been looking forward to this more than that for the simple reason that the 300lbs milestone is just a number; it is a meaningful one to be sure, but it is only that to me. The weight I was when I met Leslie is a shared comparative milestone which symbolizes my willingness to continue improving myself for her, because her love is worth it.

    —

    I spent yesterday at Ryan’s house watching football and smoking cigars. That was expected. I cheated on my weight management program; I cheated way too much. I had peanuts (which are not the worst thing in the world, although these were salted). I also had some bar nuts (which were coated in some sugary something), as well as some pretzels that had peanut butter in them. I was ashamed of myself, and I remember thinking that eating like this will destroy any progress I have made. What I should have been thinking about was my suit. Leslie reminded me yesterday before I went to Ryan’s that I want to fit into my suits… so that I can impress her. Yes, that is what I should have been thinking. I have to get past the not thinking when I put food into my mouth. I have to remember why it is that I am trying to lose weight. I also have to remember how hard it has been to lose this weight… now 90lbs. I never want to have to go through this again, so I cannot slide back into my old ways.

    Some might think that there is a subliminal connection between my punishing myself for cheating and the trip to the emergency room I had to take last night after I sliced open my finger. In truth, that is unlikely. I was distracted by something for a moment while cutting vegetable for my salad and ended up needing five stitches in the middle finger of my right hand. I was not punishing myself but there is no doubt I reminded myself to focus while wielding sharp knives. The upside of the whole debacle is that I did not end up eating my meal (I asked my neighbour, who was also looking after Her Royal Floofness, to take the chicken from the air fryer, as well as the vegetables on my counter, and put them in the fridge). I got home from the hospital around 11:30pm, and I was not going to eat a whole meal that late at night. Instead, I made sure everything was put away properly, and I had a meal replacement bar. Had I eaten the meal, I would not have achieved the two milestones I did this morning (I also dropped below 305lbs).

    My plans for today are to visit with Lyle for a couple of hours. We will have a cigar on the patio, and he wants help moving something to the kerb. When I agreed to help, I had all ten fingers, but I suspect I should still be able to manage with nine and a half. I love my friends, and anything I can do to help is usually my pleasure to do.

    I do not know if my weight will jump tomorrow, but I suspect it will. I do not know if it will go above 305lbs, but I really hope it does not peak above the 305.6lbs mark, which is the Leslie-mark. I know that she won’t be upset about… but I would be. In other words: I have to stay on track today!

    Next stop: the 300-pounds milestone!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 282

    I actually followed the program pretty well yesterday, save for a handful of peanuts. I cannot complain, knowing the stress and anxiety I am living with right now. I did not sleep very well, but none of my troubles are because of my weight management, which the bathroom scale showed me down .6lbs, putting me squarely back into the Best-Weight-Ever category. A few more days of this would be nice. Of course, knowing that I am taking my son the younger for dinner this evening might be a bump in the road, but I will do what I can.

    I am looking forward to saying the Sabbath prayers this evening. I am hoping that the request I usually make – to bring peace and joy into the hearts and minds of my loved ones – will extend to me this time. I certainly do not feel peace or joy in my mind this week.

    Three weeks from today, I will be anxiously preparing to drive to the airport to pick Leslie up. It truly does suck being apart. We are newlyweds after all, and we are supposed to be together. Don’t get me wrong, the time that we do spend together is magical… but the time apart is very difficult for both of us. It is harder on Leslie I suspect, for so many reasons… but it is very hard on me as well. I love her and I miss her, and I truly do count the hours until we are together.

    Plans have just changed a bit. I will be taking my son the younger for lunch instead of dinner. His schedule is very confusing… he slept all day yesterday so I could not take him for dinner last night, but he is… forget it; I do not understand what is going on, so I cannot explain it. Suffice it to say, I am going to take him for lunch. I do not know yet where he is going to want to eat, but I am betting it will be somewhere quite diet unfriendly. I will happily suffer to spend time with my son, not eating if I have to. I will take a meal replacement bar with me in case his choice makes it impossible for me to eat anything reasonable, and when I come home, I will make my meal. In the event we go somewhere I can only have a salad, then I will still come home and make my chicken.

    Leslie got a huge accolade from her company today, congratulating her for five years of employment. I am so proud that in the face of all that she went through, she was able to come out the other side, be accepted back at the company as a full-time employee again, thrive. It is hard for any woman to succeed in the technology field; how much harder for a woman who has been kept down at home too. I will never do that to her. I will boost her up and celebrate her successes and laud her accolades. She deserves each one because she works so hard for them!

    I bought a shirt on Facebook Marketplace yesterday. It is a long sleeve cold-weather workout shirt that is from the same company as one that I used to have, but the colour is much nicer… not to mention it does not have a giant black ink stain on it. Fashion aside, it is a size XL (the old one was a XXL) … and I bought it without trying it on, knowing that it might be tight. It fits perfectly. Even three months ago I would have never bought a shirt without trying it on… especially not in a size that I had not fit into at all recently! In other words, another non-scale victory!

    I did have my meeting with my diet buddy last night. She is so excited and so scared about her upcoming surgery. I am not sure if I am more worried about the major surgery, or about the fact that she is flying to Mexico (and Tijuana of all places) to have it done. I have considered having a dental crown done in Cuba, but that’s a tooth… not invasive surgery. I am going to say a few extra prayers for her. We have one more meeting before she flies, and I am glad that I can be an outlet for her anxiety. She referred to it last night as ‘buyer’s remorse’ but I do not think that is what it is. She is scared, and that is understandable.

    Okay, I want to do my daily Torah studies before I head out and pick up my son. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 275

    I did slightly better yesterday than the previous couple of days, but I am still not happy with my cheating. I have to get off that merry-go-round. Leslie had a good talk with me about it, and I told her that I have just been out of sorts this week… in my head. I assured her that it is nobody’s fault but my own. I am hoping that with the coming of the weekend, and the nicer weather, I will be able to get back on track. While it might be windy, it should be warm enough for me to enjoy a cigar on the balcony after lighting the Shabbat candles this evening. I do not know if I am cheating because I have not smoked a cigar since Saturday, but they do help.

    This morning I got onto the scale before I showered and was a pound down from yesterday. I then got onto the same scale after I showered and weighed .2lbs more than yesterday. I am sticking with the first weigh-in… I don’t know how 20 minutes can make the difference of 1.2lbs, but I also know that weight loss can be maddeningly frustrating. Again, it is not the points on the graph that matter, it is the overall (hopefully downward) trend.

    If you ever wonder if people can really change for a person, I am sitting at my desk at 8:30am listening to the new Taylor Swift album, which dropped last night. It is pretty good! I am also enjoying a cup of coffee, waiting for my students to come into the room. I took Her Floofness for a walk, then came home and said my prayers before making my coffee and shake. Leslie is a huge fan of Ms. Swift, and while I will not automatically like anything for anyone, I am happy to give it a shot. She has a pretty good sound… so far, I think my favourite song on the album is called Vigilante Shit. I’m not sure why, but I like it!

    Today is going to be a tough day of teaching. It is the last day of class, and I am way behind in the material, so I will have to zip through a lot of it. Normally, I lecture for a bit, and then give the students lab work to do. I am likely going to leave all of the labs for the end of the day (and the weekend) because I have to get through all of the lectures. I am rarely in this spot, but I have been in worse spots… the students should be happy in the end!

    My goal for the day is to not cheat. I will have my chicken and salad for lunch, and the only carbs I will have are in the challah and wine I have for the Shabbat blessings. If I can make it through to the end of class, then I will be able to have a nice bit of challah, and that should satisfy my out-of-band hungers for the day. All I have to do is get to 5:00pm… and the peace and blessings of the Sabbath, which along with challah and wine will also bring a cigar.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 272

    I have to stop cheating! Get back into the habit of sticking to the program… not a little, not mostly, but completely. I can do it; I have to do it! I lost weight on the scale this morning, taking me back to my best weight ever… tied for last Wednesday. That is a success despite failing. I am hoping that today I will be able to succeed completely, and tomorrow my weight on the scale will be lower.

    I went shopping yesterday evening, picking up the right chicken for today. I am not sure why I did not think to buy lettuce, which means another trip to the supermarket this evening after class. That’s okay, I do not seem to get as tempted at the store as I used to. If I go today, my next trip will be Friday afternoon, when I can pick up more vegetables, probably more chicken, and a challah roll and small bottle of wine for Shabbat. In my efforts to be truer to my faith, I made that commitment, and Leslie has been very supportive. She and I have been lighting the Sabbath candles together every week for nearly a year. She understands that getting more in touch with my faith is important to me and has concerns that it might become all-encompassing. I assured her that while my faith will always be a part of me, it will never be a very time-consuming part of me. For example, I just put on my tefillin and said my morning prayers, and it took me about ten minutes. I do not think that she would consider that an unreasonable amount of time to reconnect with G-d once per day! However, as she has no previous experience with Jews, it is a fair concern.

    I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning, and the temperatures are certainly cooler than I have gotten used to over the summer! Today’s forecast high is 8° Celsius, with rain predicted throughout the day. Fortunately, it was not raining when we were out, and she was very cooperative. It is much easier to walk one dog than two. I say that because my neighbour asked me yesterday to take care of Charlie during the day, and he will be with us all week. I could hardly say no after all she and our other neighbour do for me when I am away! I expect he will be coming over soon, and if they can keep their voices down, they mostly entertain each other during the day. Of course, Charlie tries to convince me that his Mommy never feeds him and that he is a poor, starving, neglected puppy. I can assure you, he is not! He will get a couple of treats though… because he is a very good boy!

    I have another day of teaching ahead of me, which is good. I am enjoying it as always, although I think a few of my stories yesterday put us a bit behind schedule. I will hit the gas today and make sure I can catch us up. This is not the first time I have had to do that for a class. I do, however, have to be more cognizant of which screen I am sharing. Yesterday, for about five minutes at the end of the day, I was sharing the wrong screen. I do not think there was anything overly inappropriate on it, but I hate doing it anyways!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 270

    I am sitting at the airport, drinking a cup of coffee, waiting to board my flight to Canada. It is getting harder and harder to say that I am going home, when my wife drops me off at the airport, and I am leaving her… She is my home. I know that until the US State Department says I can, I cannot really call Dallas home. That does not change where my heart lies… it is here, with my beautiful wife. I should be going to bed with her, waking up with her, eating with her… every day. We should be getting into each other’s way and getting annoyed and making up. We should be able to look at each other across the room… we should be able to touch each other. We should be able to do all of this without smartphones. When will that be? I think the best optimistic guess is that the coming winter might be my last one in Canada… but there is a good chance that this one will not be my last autumn in the country of my birth.

    I know what you are probably thinking. You have to ask, ‘Mitch, how can you be looking forward to living far from your children?’ The simple answer is that they live with their mother, and I get to see my son the younger for a few hours every couple of weeks, and my son the elder… at his whim and convenience. It was hard to live so far from them during Covid, when I was living in California and not able to visit Canada. It was hard, but I endured. They can come to visit anytime they want, and I will be able to come to see them as well… and I will, on a fairly regular basis. I will be able to chat with them and keep up with them every week, but that is again at their whim… which seems to not be very often. My wife, on the other hand, wants to be with me… and if I talk to my kids and don’t hug them it is hard, but to not be able to touch to hold to kiss my wife is not what either of us signed up for.

    My weight bumped up this morning, but only by .2lbs… what pollsters would refer to as within the margin of error. I was good yesterday, save for dinner – and a late dinner at that. We went for sushi, which meant a lot of rice. I also had mochi ice cream for dessert, which I know I should not have done. The fact that my weight essentially stayed the same is not really a surprise. Today is a travel day, so I might eat properly all day and still gain two pounds tomorrow… or eat like a chazer and lose a pound. I am going to do my best to eat properly, and whatever the scale says tomorrow morning I will take with a grain of salt.

    My son the elder is picking me up from the airport, and it will be great to see him. I am sure he will ask, and I will gladly pay for his gas. I will pay him what I would pay for an Uber, and I will get to spend some time with my son. Depending on the timing, I might ask him to take me to the store to buy food for dinner, but that is a big if. We will see how it goes. I am scheduled to land at 4:30pm, which means that between Customs and Immigration and waiting on my suitcase, I can optimistically hope to be in his car by 6:00pm, and home at 6:45pm. If we stop along the way, then we add 15 minutes to that. If we do not, then I still have to go shopping, as I have been gone nearly a month, and have nothing to eat in the house.

    I did do something smart when packing my kit this time. I have two meal replacement bars that I will have access to in my carry-on bag. Actually, I have several dozen of them, if we count both bags… but two is the maximum that I will need. That means that I will not need to ask for the extra cookies when the flight attendant comes around. The plane will board in 45 minutes, and I expect that I should be okay until then. I might have a meal replacement at the beginning of the flight, and another at the end… but that should tide me over. If all goes well, dinner will be late, but it will be my regular homemade chicken with a side salad.

    I am working this week! I have a week-long class that I am delivering, which I did not expect… and which will provide much needed income. I do not mean to say that I am going broke, but I am glad to be earning money. I also have a contract that starts in December, for a training centre that I worked with over the summer. It is always a good sign when companies ask for me by name. I love knowing that they were happy enough with my delivery the last time to ask me back. There are far too many trainers out there who can deliver the courses that I do, and I know that a lot of them will work for a lot less money than I do. The only way to keep working is to keep reminding them that I really am pretty good at what I do.

    Leslie laughed at me last night as I was packing. I came down to Dallas nearly a month ago, with a suitcase that was overflowing with groceries – treats for Leslie and her son. Between that, and the clothes that I planned to leave at her house (the summer is over, and I doubt there will be many days in mid-October when I can comfortably wear shorts in Canada), I expected to leave Dallas with a half-empty suitcase. What I neglected to consider was that I was bringing home a lot of meal replacements (which take up a lot more room in my suitcase than you might think), two boxes and two bags of cigars, my sports jacket and shirts and pants (which I am hoping will not fit my lithe frame by my next visit in January), and a bunch of other stuff that I picked up… both here and in California. Had I been flying back to Canada with the same luggage that I came with, I would have been overstuffed, and would have had to borrow a suitcase from Leslie. Fortunately, I had loaned her my large carry-on bag a few months ago, which needed to be fixed (which I took care of at the beginning of this trip, and which was now ready to fly). It is full, nearly completely with meal replacements. To quote the Bard: all’s well that ends well.

    While I do not enjoy it, I am always less stressed leaving the USA than entering it. The USA might one day refuse me entry. The worst that Canada can do is charge me duties for whatever I bring back, and I do not think I have anything to interest them – I am ten cigars over my limit, and they are not expensive cigars. Even so, it is always a relief to get through airport security without secondary screening. To be sitting in the terminal, even when I have a long wait, is a lot less stressful when I know I am going back to the country of my birth.

    It was raining this morning in Dallas. Yesterday was gorgeous and hot, but it is also the last such day I will experience until… well, I don’t know when. It is easy to think that Texas is warm or hot all year round, but I know that is not the case. The ten-day forecast for Burlington, Ontario shows two days with high temperatures at or over 65° Fahrenheit, with four days at or below 50° Fahrenheit. It will only be getting cooler and then colder. I am not sure what walking is going to be like this week, but it is almost time for me to join a gym if I plan to keep my exercise routine going… and I do!

    It is almost time to board, so I am going to walk over to the gate. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 255

    Saturday, October 1, 2022. The beginning of the tenth month of the Gregorian calendar, and the sixth day of the Jewish year 5783. The forecast shows a sunny day, and while it is currently 60° outside, we are looking at a high of 82°. It should be a nice day in Dallas.

    I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night, but when I finally did, I was happy to get eight hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep (interrupted only by a couple of trips to the latrine). I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day… and ready for an unhappy trip to the bathroom scale, which I anticipated because of how yesterday went.

    Not to keep you in suspense, not only was I pleased by the numbers on the scale, I was really pleased. I am back in ‘best ever’ territory again! It has been over three weeks since I was last under 315lbs, but the last time I weighed what I weigh today was March 11, 2021. That was the week I met my wife! Looking at that week, and looking at the numbers today, I am probably about three pounds from dropping below a BMI of 40. This morning, my BMI (Body Mass Index) is 40.2, and falling. I am still in the morbidly obese category, but I am only a couple of pounds from dropping from Obese Class III to Obese Class II. That will be a big psychological improvement.

    Yesterday did not end up going the way I expected, but it went better than planned. Leslie and I went to get new eyeglasses, which will only be available in a few weeks. Mine will be a new look for me, which is exciting and scary. We then decided to have a salad for lunch from a drive thru restaurant called Salad and Go. I had a Thai Chicken Salad, worth 360 calories. Leslie had a Cobb Salad with tofu and no bacon. Both of us really enjoyed our lunch. I did not end up walking in the afternoon, instead opting to spend it relaxing with my wife. Knowing that we were going to have to spend the entire weekend entertaining a rambunctious seven-year-old boy, it would likely be our last relaxing time together until we are back from California.

    For dinner we had nachos and tamales. The nachos were made with Impossible Meat, so I was able to have them with cheese… not the healthiest meal of course, but we make sacrifices for children sometimes. Also, while I did not end up going for a fitness walk, I did walk to the store (nearly two miles round-trip) to pick up wine for the kiddush. I decided that I am going to try in this new year to not only light the Shabbat candles, but also say kiddush and hamotzi (the prayers on the wine and the bread). Last night we did all of those, and it really made me feel better… and closer to my ancestors, starting with my father.

    Today’s plan involves an arcade, and whatever else may come our way. Leslie and the boy discussed going out for breakfast as I was getting up, and decided that they should just eat here. That is a relief for my weight management, as I love eating breakfast out, but should be eating a meal replacement for all but one meal. Yesterday’s salad was a perfectly acceptable replacement… just about anything I might have eaten at an American breakfast restaurant would not be. We will likely eat lunch out today, and I will be as sensible as I can be, based on where we eat. In the worst-case scenario, I will only eat a salad. We’ll see.

    What else is planned for the day? I don’t know, but it will be a great day whatever we do… and if we end up back home early enough, I might go for a fitness walk to kick off October. I fell 16,000 steps short of the September Step Month challenge; I do not plan to fall short this month. I am going to make October a month of successes, remembering how two years ago it was the beginning of my slide into weight loss failure. I started October, 2020 at 263lbs… and gained 24lbs that month. This October will be different… October 2020 was a month of failure; October 2022 will be a month of success. Will this actually be the month that sees me drop below the 300lbs milestone? I do not know… but if it is not, then it will get me close to it. I only dropped six pounds in September this year, mostly because of cheats and stuff. My goal for October is to avoid as many obstacles as I can, in a month that will have me in the USA for half of it, in California for a week of it, and at Disneyland for a day of it. Disneyland will be a challenge, but fortunately that will only be one day. Everything else I am hoping I can handle.

    My wife is absolutely gorgeous today in her lovely frock; her beauty reminds me of just some of the reasons why I should continue to lose weight and get back into shape. A beautiful and sexy woman deserves her man to keep up… or in our case, catch up! I also want to be healthy to spend as many years as possible with her.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 247

    The bad news: I fell completely off the wagon yesterday, from the time I got to the airport until the time my flight landed. My weight this morning is back above 320lbs… although not by as much as I expected it would be.

    The good news: I am in Dallas with my baby, and all is right in the world. We went for Shawarma last night for dinner, and then we sat by the pool smoking cigars. It is so good to be back with her. Life is just better when we are together.

    After running some errands, I made us lunch today. The base was a salmon salad with light mayo and onions. For Leslie, I made a salmon melt on a challah roll with aged sharp cheddar. For me, I mixed it with vegetables and poured olive oil and balsamic vinegar on it. Not my best work, only because I was lazy. Had I done it properly, I would have made and dressed the veggie salad separately, and then put the salmon salad on top. Oh well, it still wasn’t bad.

    This evening, we are heading to the Cigars International lounge for an event. Of the three events that we are planning to go to there in the next month, tonight’s is the one I am least excited about. It will be a great event for sure, but the other two are really exciting. After the event, we will grab dinner, and then come home to light the Shabbat candles. All in all, it should be a good day. Why? Because I am back with my baby!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Support of Friends and Family

    There are differences between nagging and encouraging. Having been exposed to both, I am familiar with many of them.

    Encouraging someone comes from a place of love, caring, and concern. It is done when someone is open to your input, and when you try to convey it in a way that will be accepted and is meant to help.

    Nagging might also come from caring, but it is usually done in a way that will discourage the person. It is done with a tone that can be hurtful or belittling, it might even be accusatory. While it might be intended to help, it can beat the person down and discourage them, having the exact opposite effect.

    A couple of months ago, Leslie and I were speaking about my weight loss regimen, and she told me that she was sorry for several things that she had said. I did not understand why and told her so. She reminded me that within the last few days she had:

    · Called me when I told her I might be too tired to walk and told me ‘Get dressed and go for a walk, Mister!’

    · Encouraged me to not have an extra salad one evening, calling it a ‘gateway salad,’ essentially that if I thought that having the salad with just vegetables was okay, I would not only make it a habit, but would then start adding canned salmon and seeds to it.

    · Reminded me on a number of occasions that I was doing well, and to stay strong so that I could accomplish what I wanted to with this diet.

    Over the years, I have told several people – not only individually, but I went so far as to write articles on it – that I did not want their input on my weight loss. That was not only about unsolicited advice, but even comments about my progress. When it comes to weight loss, everyone seems to have opinions and advice. It is all meant to be encouraging, but so often has the opposite effect.

    I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me something like: ‘You are doing great on your diet! You should try…’ and then shared their advice with me. Folks, if I am doing well, then let me continue doing what I am doing. For that matter, if I falter then the best way for me to get back on track is with the familiar, not with something new.

    I have a friend who weighs more than I do and has also over the last few months lost a lot of weight. He is doing incremental fasting, and the results are incredible. We have discussed his methods several times… and he knows mine. What he has not done was told me that I have to try this.

    When you are losing weight, it could feel good to hear people tell you how great you look. That is not always the case though, and because of that, sometimes I just do not want to hear it. I like to think that I have a pretty thick skin, but when someone tells me that I am doing good on my diet it is a judgement, and oftentimes I do not want to be judged.

    The last few days, as I have written, I have faltered quite a bit. While I walked quite a bit while I was in Montreal, I ate badly. On my second day back from Montreal, I went on an amazing, longest-walk-ever. That was Monday. Since then, I have not exercised, nor have I stuck to my weight loss regimen.

    Yesterday evening, my wife asked me if she needed to show me tough love… knowing that I have not been doing well. I told her that I did, and so she told me that if I did not get out for at least two really good walks before coming to Dallas, she would not pick me up from the airport. It’s rather a longer walk than I am comfortable committing to, so I figured that I had better set out today for my first of at least two good walks before Thursday.

    • Distance: 9.35km (10.45km)
    • Duration: 1:31:03 (1:44:12)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:44 (9:58)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m17 (9m36)
    • Steps: 11.2k (12.8k)
    • Calories burned: 1,147 (1,242)
    • Elevation gain: 46.2 (37)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 124 (122)

    Do I think that my wife would have left me stranded at the airport? Of course she would not. She knows me though, and she asked if I wanted her to be tough on me. She knows that she has leave to use the carrot and the stick. I actively seek her encouragement, support, and when warranted, her berating. While most of the people who try to give me advice and encouragement are equally well-meaning, their input is not welcome. Leslie’s is welcomed and actively sought. I do not expect her to lock me out of the house if I don’t walk X number of kilometres this week… but I also do not want her blowing sunshine and roses up my rear what I am having a bad time of it.

    I did not break records today, but I had a really good walk, and a really good sweat. I am going to take my shower, and then start preparing my lunch. After that, I will go shopping, and will try to pick up enough provisions to take me through my flight on Thursday. I am usually pretty good, but every single trip to the supermarket is another opportunity for me to falter. I will not! I will, however, buy milk for my coffee, a couple more packages of chicken, and lettuce. I will check, I might also need an onion. I do not think there is anything else that I need, and today’s can be my last trip to the supermarket until I am home from Texas in a month.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 222

    I did not lose any weight from yesterday, but I also did not gain any. Considering some of what I ate, I will be happy with that.

    Yes, I took an amazing walk in the morning, and got a lot of exercise. I burned calories as I pushed myself in the heat.

    We ate a delicious dim sum meal for lunch, which is truly a treat. I did something that I cannot remember ever doing with dim sum… I left some over. Leslie did not order too much, and when I saw it all when it arrived my first thought was ‘That’s it?’ but of course my eyes are still the same gluttonous eyes that helped me achieve the ridiculously obese form that I carried around so long. Could I have finished it all? Absolutely. Was I sated? Yes, I was. We put the rest away for today.

    Leslie has a great tactic she uses. When she believes I have stopped eating for nourishment, and am now eating out of habit, or because the food is there, she will ask me ‘Why are you eating that?’ If my answer is ‘Because I am still hungry,’ she lets it go. Otherwise, she asks ‘Do you need that dumpling, or onion, or whatever else?’ She reminds me that I am trying to break my unhealthy relationship with food. Yesterday she did not need to do that… with dim sum, one of my favourite meals, I suspect we were both pleasantly surprised.

    For dinner, we had a frozen meal of breaded cauliflower that was a Buffalo wings replacement. They were very tasty, but I suspect the breading is the reason my weight was not down this morning. However, it is a great starting point. I can take the idea of cauliflower wings and replicate it, either with no breading, else with much less breading, and add my signature (hic) sauce to them. That, good reader, will be a healthy and appetizing meal sometime in the future!

    Lunch today was the leftover Chinese foods… what little there was left from Saturday evening and from Sunday’s dim sum. It was tasty, but likely not very healthy. At least by enjoying them at lunch, I will be able to burn off the calories (and especially the carbohydrates and starches) by the time bedtime rolls around.

    After more than five weeks, my teaching contract will come to an end today. I had a really great time with these students, and this morning I received high praise from the school for which I am teaching, as well as from several of my students who are sorry to see me go. Alas, tomorrow they start learning subject matters that are outside of my expertise, and while I could fake it… I hate doing that. I wrote them all a very nice thank you note on our shared Slack channel… and tomorrow I start looking for my next contract. In the meantime, I will take the opportunity to enjoy my downtime, and will relax a little. One of the first things I did this morning was to disable my wake-up alarm!

    Last night I sat on the balcony reading. I am absolutely loving my new e-book reader that Leslie bought for me. I have always been able to read my e-books on my tablet, but when the sun is shining, the glare is insurmountable. The e-book reader solves that issue, and is a wonderful and thoughtful gift which will get a lot more use than just on airplanes!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Better Together

    This morning, for the first time ever, I set out on a fitness walk with another person. Leslie and I started out from home, and did a strong 6.5 km walk in the heat. I was expecting to have to slow my pace for her, but that was absolutely not the case. Leslie is in better shape than I thought, and while we did not try to beat any records (I was wearing a new pair of shoes, on top of a slightly painful foot), we had a great time of it. I know that when she participates in her company’s 5km walk next month she will absolutely knock ‘em all dead!

    We are going to split the leftover Lebanese food for lunch, and then for dinner we will find something in The Colony, around the Cigars International Superstore (where we will end up for a cigar and a beverage at the end of the evening). It is so wonderful to have a partner with whom I share so many interests!

    When we came in from the walk, as we were cooling down, hydrating, and regulating our body temperatures before showering, we had a great conversation, during which Leslie told me something that I can never know for myself, but which is a huge non-scale victory. She told me that I am not snoring anymore. I know that I am sleeping slightly better and definitely more comfortably than when I was at my heaviest, but the snoring is something that I have always been aware of, either because of partners, or when I shared a hotel with a friend or co-worker. When I am heavier, I snore; when I am lighter I do not. While I do not know exactly where the line of demarcation is; I know that the last time Leslie and I spent the night together I was twenty pounds heavier, and I assume I was still snoring then. So I have a pretty good idea where the line is.

    Time for lunch. Have a great day!