Losing a part of me

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  • Let’s Go!

    Everyone who has ever run or jogged knows that it is hard on the knees; everyone who has jogged while overweight knows that every pound extra adds more strain on the knees. That is why I do not plan to start jogging – or at least, going for long jogs – until I am under 300-pounds. It could cause long-term damage that would require surgery to repair.

    With that said, I decided today to just test my legs… and frankly, my lungs. So, for Kilometre Number Two of today’s 8km workout, on a stretch of road I knew to be straight and flat, I turned it out. My intention was to jog one and only one kilometre… and that is what I did. I did it in 8m38s, which is not terrible for a man of my size who has not jogged in two years.

    As I predicted yesterday, it is another scorcher out there, with the temperatures hovering around 31° Celsius (87° Fahrenheit). I took a bottle of water, but I also took a break at the end of my third kilometre. I do not like to do that, but I also know that the jog put more pressure on my system than just walking, and I do not want to be stupid about it. I also paused my tracker for a few seconds at around the 6.25km mark, but that was because I was at a red light, and could not safely go forward.

    As I predicted, I did not set any records on today’s walk. I said I was hoping to walk seven kilometres in under 1h15m. If we completely remove the kilometre I jogged, I missed that mark by six seconds. Of course, if we include it, then I beat the mark by 2m11s. Either way, I am extremely happy with the results… and getting hot and sweaty does not bother me!

    • Distance: 8.0 km (9.03 km)
    • Duration: 1:23:48 (1:33:28 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:28 (10:21)
    • Steps: 10.1k (10.8k)
    • Calories burned: 464 (524)
    • Elevation gain: 29.3m (34.1)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 120 (116)

    These numbers include the kilometre jogged, so technically, the Average Cadence would be a record… but I am not counting it because I should be competing against myself comparing apples to apples.

    My housekeeper is coming this afternoon, and it will be nice to have the place tidied up a bit. Other than that, the only plans I have for the rest of the day revolve around sitting my balcony, reading my book, and more than likely smoking a cigar. I am preparing a nice piece of fish and a salad for lunch… but before I do that, it is definitely time to hit the showers.

  • Day 182

    In an hour I will be going to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I am optimistic that I will be down at least one kilogram since my last weigh-in. That day – my fiftieth birthday – feels like a lifetime ago. I know that for the few days after my birthday my weight went up gradually a few pounds – birthday celebrations will have their consequences – but as of yesterday morning, my weight was two pounds lower than it was on my birthday, and I was good yesterday, so just maybe I’ll hit that.

    —

    Okay, I am back… and I did not hit that target, but I also did not miss it by much. .8kg is about 1.75 lbs, and considering the fortnight it has been, I am going to take it and run.

    Emotionally I am still a wreck, but I am staying on course. Yesterday I had a cheese omelet in the morning (I had three eggs left, and it is a shame to waste them), chicken with salad for lunch, and a meal replacement shake when I came in from Taekwondo in the evening. I only did the one Taekwondo class last night, for several reasons… not the least of which is that the dojang (gym) is not air conditioned, and the heat was oppressive. Also, I know that if I am going to get back into it, which I want to do, I have to do it smartly. It would not do to hurt myself, forcing me to take a break from exercising today and possibly tomorrow through the weekend.

    I uninstalled Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from my phone yesterday. I am truly in a rut and do not want to be social. Hopefully that will change, but for the next little while I will be ignoring all social media. Fortunately, I am starting a new teaching assignment that will last nearly an entire month starting Monday, so I will have what to keep my mind occupied with. I love teaching, and I hate that I have essentially been sitting on my butt for the last few months. Don’t get me wrong, I have been keeping myself busy… but I have not earned a pay cheque since May, and that is no way for a man to be. Yes, I have money in the bank and have been able to live off of that, but that is not how I want to live. I have always said that I want to be a productive member of society… and aside from that, even if I did not, my savings will eventually run dry. I do not want that to happen!

    When will I go back to Facebook and the other social media platforms? I don’t know. I am not planning to use them on my computer either, if that is what you were thinking. I am taking a break from them. Yesterday I posted that I am going dark for a little while. I did not wait to read responses to that, I just closed out. When I am feeling better, I will think about it… maybe.

    Today is Wednesday, July 20, and I have decided to set a new short-term goal. Because of my upcoming teaching schedule, my next doctor’s appointment and weigh-in is August 24, precisely five weeks from today. On that day, I will weigh (at least) seven kilos (about 15.5 pounds) less than I do today. How, you ask, do I plan to kick up my weight loss up so much? I started this week, and will continue to eat only one proper meal per day (instead of two), and I will replace that second meal with another meal replacement (or two). For the last six months it has been two meals (one of which was usually a salad with salmon or tuna) and two meal replacements. For the next five weeks I will eat one proper meal (which will remain largely unchanged from what my primary meal has been) and three meal replacement shakes. I also plan to exercise every evening after class – Tuesdays and Thursdays will be Taekwondo; the other nights will be a power walk. I am growing impatient with the sluggish pace of weight loss, which has been good but not great. Yes, I know it is a marathon and not a sprint… but some marathoners run faster than others. For me, it is time to hit that Turbo-Boost button and get going. If I can do that, then hopefully by November I can weigh in at under 300-pounds (136kg).

    Those are far from my ultimate goal. By my fifty-first birthday, I would like to weigh 100 lbs (45.5kg) less than I do today. Can I accomplish that? I do not know. I do know that if I set lofty goals for myself, then stick to the plan, then even if I miss them, I can be satisfied by the results. What is most important is that I do not do what I have now done twice… lost a lot of weight, and then fall of the program and gain it all back. Whether I lose 100 lbs or only 50 lbs, I have to stay vigilant to never regain that weight again.

    In the meantime: One of my favourite living authors releases a new book in his series every July. Traditionally, I buy the book on my Kobo (e-reader), and when I am done with it then my father’s widow will read it. Of course, last year was the first year that it was not my father grabbing it as soon as I was done with it, before handing it off to Esti. She will get it when I am done with it… and that usually takes a couple of days. I started it on the balcony last night, and it will keep me occupied possibly through the weekend.

    With my weigh-in behind me, I am going to finish my first cup of coffee and my meal replacement shake, and then I am going to go for a walk. I am not expecting to smash any records like I did Monday, but I would like to get at least seven kilometres in, and if I can do that in 1h15 minutes then I will be extremely happy. I know it is going to be an extremely hot day – There is a heat warning for the next few days, with the high temperatures in the mid-80s every day (29°-32° Celsius), so I will bring a lot of water. It is almost amusing that what we consider scorching hot here is almost balmy in Dallas, where the next week high temperatures are over 100° Fahrenheit every day. Well, I am here, and here’s weather is what I have to deal with.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 181

    I mentioned yesterday that I love it when the numbers on the bathroom scale are kind to me. This morning’s drop of 2.2 lbs is a result of several things that I did yesterday, including mostly good eating, a really strong walk, and drinking a lot of water. It might also be partially a correction for whatever seems to happen to my weight when I travel, whether by plane or by automobile. Either way, it was a good step in the right direction!

    It was brought to my attention recently that, with regard to my weight management program, I tend to be hard on myself… I accentuate the bad while minimizing the good. As I am currently on a journey of self-improvement, I am going to try to end that.

    I had two huge non-scale victories over the last few days, and I am quite thrilled with them. The first:

    I am a Microsoft Certified Trainer, and have been for sixteen years. After ten years, the program sends you a polo shirt every year… or at least, they did when I asked for them. After fifteen years, they send you a jacket. I know there are 20- and 25-year gifts as well, but I do not know what they are. While the polo shirts always fit well (and over the years I had XL through XXXL), the jacket (I have two) sizes are ridiculous… way too small, and for the past two years I have not been able to wear either of them.

    I was cleaning out my car this afternoon after my week-long travel debacle and I found it in the trunk. I had brought it to Leslie to wear in case she was cold at one point, and I forgot to take it out of the car. It made its way into my trunk, and has probably been there for five months. I tried it on… it is tight, but it fits, and I can zip it closed! Don’t get me wrong, it is far too warm this month to wear it… but come autumn, I will be happy to wear it… especially as I continue to lose weight so it will fit even better!

    The second non-scale victory: Yesterday I drove from Long Island, New York to Burlington, Ontario – a nine-hour drive, if you count the border and the stop for petrol – with three dozen Montreal bagel in the car. I knew they were there, and I did not eat even a bite of one! For those of you who have never eaten a Montreal bagel let me tell you… this is a huge accomplishment, and one that I did not expect to do. I knew they were there; they were in easy reach from the driver’s seat, and I did not touch them. I wanted to… but I did not.

    I should mention that I started my nine-hour journey without a cigar in the cabin, so when it was safe (Madison Avenue near 72nd Street in Manhattan) I pulled over in a bus-lane (try finding parking in Manhattan… I dare you), put my blinkers on, and ran to my trunk to grab a couple of cigars. Yes folks, rather than eating my feelings and anxiety, I smoked them away.

    (Spoiler alert: my feelings and anxiety are still with me… but I did not go off my weight management program in a big way because of them these last few days)

    As I wrote yesterday afternoon, I went for an epic walk. I also spent a lot of time thinking about things I need to do to be a better person and a better husband. Some of those things are obvious, some of them are harder for me to comprehend. That does not mean that I do not accept them, just that I have a lot of work ahead of me. I truly hope I am up to the task.

    Let’s cover what I ate… Around 9am I had a meal replacement shake, and another one after my walk (and after I wrote my article, so that puts it around 3:30pm). I had two pieces of chicken and a garden salad for dinner, followed by one Japanese biscuit and a very small amount of Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. Yes, it was left over from the trip; I ate some on my way to Long Island from Montreal, and we all ate some in the hotel. After eating a bit of it (and truly I did not overindulge) I decided that as good as it is, it is not smart for me to have it in the house. I took it to the garbage room and poured it all out into the bin. Lead me not to temptation… I know exactly where to find it!

    While cleaning out the car, I brought the rest of the bagels upstairs, and I put them all into the fridge. I had given my neighbour Sue about a dozen and a half of them… she took care of Princess Sophie, and asked for nothing. I was happy to share! The rest went into my freezer, and I told my son that I have Montreal bagels waiting for him. When he comes to get them, they will be gone. In the event that he does not take all of them, I will bring what’s left to Lyle and Dorothy because I know they appreciate them too.

    Aside from that, I do not much feel like socializing. I am in a pretty bad way, so I might just drop the bagels off at my son’s and at Lyle’s when nobody is home so that I do not have to socialize. I really am not in the mood. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • And What a Walk!

    Speaking with Leslie today (and over the last little while) I have started to fully understand that I need exercise for a few reasons. It crucial for my weight loss strategy, there is no question that exercise is a critical component to losing weight and getting back into shape. That is an obvious and direct benefit.

    There is a less obvious (if equally critical) benefit to exercising. I know that food is an addiction, and I have to break that unhealthy relationship with food. Leslie reminded me (several times) that if I have been turning to food (and mostly unhealthy foods) to deal with stress, anxiety, sadness, and depression then I need a different go-to that I can use to replace food in those moments of despair and desperation.

    I have known my friends Rick and Isolina (The Beard and The Munchkin) nearly twenty-five years. He has been for many years the most faithful and constant reader of my main blog (www.garvis.ca) and has watched trends in my life. He pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago (yet again) that he can tell when I am back at my Taekwondo training from my tone… not only when we talk, but in my writing on my blogs and on Facebook. I know that he is right… although I am going to put in one slight amendment to that statement. I am more upbeat when I am in training… whether that be walking, running, weight training, or of course my primary sport, Taekwondo.

    (Rick is going to read that and within a day I am going to get a phone call from him saying ‘You know, you are probably right… but it is even more clear when you are in Taekwondo; I know that you love it and it shows.’ I love you, Rick!)

    Okay… so if working out in general and Taekwondo in particular are activities that lift my spirits, then why shouldn’t I turn to them as a crutch? ‘Hey, I am having a really terrible day today… I’ll go for a long walk and maybe I’ll feel better.’ Or: ‘Wow, what a crappy day. Fortunately, I can go to a Taekwondo class or two this evening, and that will help me work out my aggressions.’

    It is a question of shifting my go-to from eating bad foods to making healthy choices.

    By the way, if I do that, there will be another added benefit to my general mood. I am always in a better mood when my weight is down. Yes, this morning was the exception to that rule, but sometimes things really do get that bad. Okay, so if I am in a better mood when my weight is trending down, then exercising instead of eating will prevent weight gain and usually cause weight loss. As I wrote in my article ‘One Pound Lost is Three Pounds of Progress’ (republished on my blog March 30, 2022), every pound that I lose not only means that pound, but it also represents the pound that I could have stayed the same, and the pound that I could have gained. Lower weight equals happier Mitch. It really is that simple.

    I started today, and as the title of this entry alludes to, I had one hell of a walk. I don’t know if it was because of the motivation, because I weigh less than I have in years, or if it that I spent ten hours in the car yesterday, or that I have not walked in eleven days. I do know that I am wearing a new pair of running shoes (thanks Leslie!) and that my feet were feeling fine from beginning to end, and that I have a lot of crap in my head that I am trying to sort out. I also know that today’s walk broke a few records. Here are the numbers:

    • Distance: 9.03 km (7. 5 km)
    • Duration: 1:33:28 (1:22:42 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:21 (11:01)
    • Steps: 10.8k (9.3k)
    • Calories burned: 524 (429)
    • Elevation gain: 34.1m (28m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 116 (112)

    There is a lot of bold text there because yes, each one of those is a record. I beat my previous best distance by 1.5km, which of course means that it was 16m25s longer in duration. My previous best pace was 10m37s per kilometre. Today it was a full 16s per kilometre better. In fact, each of my first seven kilometres was well faster than that, and had I stopped after five kilometres, my pace was actually 10m05s per kilometre!

    Yes, I kicked butt out there on my walk, and I am proud of it.

    I do not know if I will walk tomorrow because it is a Taekwondo day (as are all Tuesdays and Thursdays). What I might do is go for a lighter 5km walk… I won’t push myself; I will just do it to get a little more exercise than just the classes. I have to decide how I am going to do that, but we will see.

    I suppose there is another ulterior motive for an extra workout tomorrow… the following day is my fortnightly weigh-in, and it would be good to show progress. As it is, this morning I weighed 2/10ths of a pound more than I did on my previous weigh-in.

    That is another attitude I have to be cognizant of. I cannot act ‘business as usual’ for ten days, and then in the days leading up to my doctor’s visit push myself to get back on track. While weight loss is indeed a marathon and not a sprint, I do not know a lot of marathon runners who slack off for any amount of time during a race. I cannot either. Yes, there will be moments of weakness; what is most important is recognizing them and recovering from them as quickly as possible. All important lessons.

    I would love to push for a huge weight loss between now and the end of the summer, and so I am going to stay close to home. By that I mean I am going to avoid social situations where I am tempted to take peanuts or hamburgers or whatever else. Happily, I have a month-long teaching contract starting next Monday, which will also keep me focused and disciplined. It would be wonderful if Leslie were to come for a visit or if I were to go to visit her during that month, but unlike so many of my friends, Leslie encourages me to stay on track and to eat healthy. After all, I hope she wants to have me around for many years to come.

    As I write this, I realize the following:

    1. I have not showered since coming in from my walk. Yuck.
    2. I have ingested precisely one meal replacement shake today, which means that with the 524 calories that I burned on my walk, I am in a deficit of 299 calories.
    3. I have to get my butt in gear and go pick up Princess Sophie.

    Have a great afternoon folks!

  • Day 180

    For the second time since starting my weight loss journey, I was away for nearly a week, which means that I did not weigh myself during that time. I find that my daily weigh-ins are one of the best tools I have for keeping myself (mostly) on track. Because of that, I am always worried that I am going to come back from vacation and be disappointed by the numbers on the scale.

    For the second time since starting my weight loss journey, I came back from my trip and was happy with the numbers on the scale. Despite this ranking among the worst trips of my life, I have actually lost four pounds since leaving home. This, despite the stress and anxiety of my passport debacle; despite the absolute and complete mess that I have made of my life, completely of my own doing. Despite shawarma plates and pistachio ice cream, fast food hamburger and fried chicken and eating on the road and everything else, I have lost four pounds in the last six days.

    Yesterday I wrote that my life was falling apart. I have nobody to blame but myself. I will not go into any details, but I cannot remember ever feeling so low.

    I dropped Leslie and her son off at the airport in Long Island yesterday afternoon as planned. Originally, the plan was for me to stay one more night in Long Island, but I had no interest in doing that. As I sat in the Departures Lane of the airport in Islip, I tried to tell my GPS to plot a route for Home. As if my smart phone understood my existential trauma, it was reflected in the response ‘Error: Unable to find a route.’ I tried several times, but it was not having it. It was as if even my phone did not know where home was. In the end, I just plotted a course for Niagara Falls, New York. Somewhere along the way I would try again and get a more accurate reading. Anyways, I was only planning to get past Manhattan, and would stop for a few hours when I was tired – either in the Catskills or beyond. I am past the age where I will drive all night fighting fatigue and freebasing coffee to get to my destination in better time.

    Driving from Long Island to Ontario requires you to drive through Manhattan. This is never fun, but it is probably better on a Sunday afternoon than a weekday. It took nearly two hours to get over the George Washington Bridge, and I drove another hour until I stopped for gas in a little community in the Catskills. I do not know where I was, but there were several Hassidim there, both at the gas station and walking on the street. I filled my tank, I used the washroom, and I got the leftover chicken strips from lunch that were in the back seat. I hit the road, and only after I was on the highway, I realized that I had not bought a cup of coffee. Okay, I would either make another coffee stop, or I would just stop and sleep for a few hours.

    I do not know how I made it from there to the Peace Bridge without coffee and without stopping. As I waited in line, I filled out my ArriveCan form on my phone, and was through the border in about 20 minutes or so. I pulled into my parking lot at 2:00am.

    I do not know how I managed to get any sleep, but I did. Not only that, I do not remember waking up in the middle of the night to pee… which meant that when I did finally get up to do so, I was unable to get back to sleep. Too much going on in my mind. If I am so much lighter, how come my head and heart feel so heavy?

    Anyhow, I am back on track today… I had a meal replacement shake for breakfast, and sometime in the next few hours I will go to my neighbour’s to pick up Her Royal Floofness.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 179

    Another terrible day. I haven’t gone overboard on my diet, but my life is falling apart.

  • Day 178

    My passport finally arrived at 1:10pm yesterday, and after stopping for gas I was on the road by 1:18pm. As expected, I had problems at the border, but they did let me in. Yay.

    I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, then a bagel while sitting and waiting with Stephane. I did buy some peanuts (less than a dollar’s worth). I honestly do not remember eating lunch!

    Shortly after six p.m. I stopped along the road to get a sandwich from Subway. I would usually have made a different choice, but Leslie told me that is what she and her son were eating, and I wanted to eat with them. I had a chicken sandwich with onion teriyaki sauce. If I was not trying to keep moving, I would have ordered a salad… but I needed to move! As it is, I only pulled into the hotel at 10:30pm.

    Yes, I did buy a bag of Smartfoods white cheddar popcorn, but I only ate a little bit, then left the rest for Leslie and her so .

    Yes, I cheated yesterday… but not badly at all!

    This morning I had a bagel with peanut butter which was delicious! We went to a movie, and I did buy popcorn… but without butter. For lunch, we went to Wendy’s. I had a spicy classic chicken sandwich and a bowl of chili. While I could have done better, I could have done much worse too!

    We spent over an hour in the swimming pool, and that was a lot of fun. This evening we are going to the wedding, and I will just be conscious of what I eat so as to not do badly.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 177

    Yesterday was a mess. My passport did not arrive as promised (and guaranteed), so I had to spend another night in Montreal. I cheated… badly. Pistachio ice cream late at night is not a good way to diet… but maybe not a bad way to deal with extreme stress and anxiety.

  • Day 176

    Yesterday I ate relatively normal… but yes, I ate shawarma for lunch and rotisserie chicken for dinner. I avoided temptation several times, including when my friend asked me to get her a Boston Maple Cream doughnut at Tim Hortons.

    This morning I met Esti for brunch and I was mostly good… a bagel with lox and cream cheese with a couple of poached eggs. From there we went to a funeral, and after that is where I went wrong. I picked up 4.5 dozen Montreal bagels to take to various people… two of which I ate with a couple of slices of cheese. Bad Mitch!

    I have now reorganized my trunk three times this trip. I truly regret not leaving my golf clubs at home… and maybe a few other things! I think I am finally mostly satisfied with it, and as long as I can drop my suitcase off at the hotel before collecting Leslie and her son from the airport tomorrow I should be fine.

    I had to make a very difficult decision last night. I have cut two friends out of my life, which is always very difficult for me. However there are things that I can live with, and there are things I just cannot accept. One of the friends I told, but the other I am just going to fade away. It is sad, but it was necessary… for two very different reasons.

    It is 3:15pm and I am still waiting for my passport to arrive so I can head down to New York. I am really stressed, because if it does not arrive today my entire weekend will be ruined. I really need to leave tonight, and if not everything goes to crap. I am sitting, outwardly calm, smoking a cigar. Inside, I am going nuts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 175

    I was mostly good yesterday, despite extreme anxiety in the morning. Coffee with a friend and then music and cigars on the open road are a good prescription for what was ailing me.

    Unfortunately I was most of the way to Montreal when I realized I forgot my passport at home. I asked my son the elder to ship it overnight, and it should arrive tomorrow. Phew!

    I will not be weighing myself until I am back from New York which means I have to remember to be good at every turn.

    I brought shakes with me just in case… and have had a couple so far. Staying on track on the road will not be easy, and while Leslie will be with me for a couple of days, it is not her job to police me. I do appreciate her help and encouragement, but at the end of the day the man in the mirror has to stay on track.

    Have a great day!