Losing a part of me

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  • Day 54

    Happy Pi Day! As there is not a pie known to me that would be acceptable to eat within the parameters of my diet, I am going to stick to the mathematical formula.

    I did not do as well food-wise yesterday as I might have, but I certainly had the opportunity to do worse, and so I will declare victory.

    I took my sons to my usual breakfast spot in Burlington. The younger son had an Oreo concoction that looked absolutely sinful. The older son had a corned beef hash which looked a lot more up my alley, and he allowed me to take a taste. I had an omelet with cheese and onions, eschewing both the hash browns and the toast for sliced tomato. To compare my plate with theirs was akin to comparing Charles Atlas to the 98-pound weakling. I was comforted by constantly reminding myself that this is what I need to do in order to achieve my goals. I did add some hot sauce to spice it up a little…

    We returned to my apartment and watched the video of my father’s speech. Gilad was tired, and a little saddened by the video of his grandfather and went to sleep in my arms. It was one of the most heartwarming things I can remember. Aaron was glad to hear the stories and wondered aloud to me why Zaide never shared some of them while he was alive. I told him that I had heard most (but not all) of the stories… and what he did not share, he probably just thought he would have more time.

    When the video was over, Gilad was still an immoveable object. Aaron and I went onto the patio for a cigar, and we had a conversation about many things… some of which were painful for him. I will not go into details. It was still not a warm day, and after half a cigar we decided to go back inside. By this point we were able to roust Gilad, and they went home. I made a salad with a can of salmon. It did not satisfy me. I then decided (maybe 90 minutes later) to prepare my dinner (it was 4:30pm) and so I had another salad with a fresh salmon tail. I was still not satisfied. Over the course of the evening, I had one meal replacement shake and one meal replacement bar. All in all, I ate more than I should have, but not terribly so.

    I mentioned that the restaurant is one that I often frequent. I found it heartwarming that one of the waitresses told me she had planned to email me this week to see if I was okay. I told them I was, but that my weight-loss plans did not include breakfasting out. She congratulated me on my efforts, although there was no ‘Well you look great…’ I suppose despite losing 35 pounds so far (approximately) I have a very long way to go.

    In the evening, Leslie and I were discussing our upcoming trip, and we got on-line to order my beach shirts. I have a tradition of wearing very floral, Hawaiian-looking shirts when I am in Cuba. We found seven that we loved, but one of them will not ship until May, and so we ordered six of them. I also tried on my bathing suits, disappointed that neither of them will likely fit yet by the time we go, and so we found a couple of bathing suits that should do me well. It is much cheaper to buy these things in the US, and so I ordered them to Leslie’s place. The added benefit of this is that she will be here in a few weeks and will bring them all. Anything that does not fit, I will send back and order the right size.

    I then decided to try again. You may remember that I have one pair of pants in Size 44 that did not fit me yet. They are the same brand as a couple of the other pair that I have been wearing but are a smaller cut. I tried them on last night. Lo and behold, they are tight… but they fit! These non-scale victories are so much more rewarding than the numbers on an unreliable scale.

    Speaking of the scale, this morning my weight was down once again… almost half a pound from yesterday. There were a couple of bad weeks, but I am back on track and hope to stay that way. I am going to the tailor the end of next week, and I hope to be in a good place. I have decided, however, that I will likely buy fewer clothes than I originally had planned. I do not want to spend too much money on clothes that I hope to no longer be able to wear in a couple of months. We’ll see… I have ten days to make up my mind. I will definitely be buying some shirts, but suits? We’ll see.

    The weather is warming up. Today’s high should reach 8°c, dropping to 3°c tomorrow… then up to 10°c and 16°c for Wednesday and Thursday. In fact, the ten-day forecast only has one number below zero, the -3°c that is today’s low, which is what it was when I took HRF out for her walk this morning. Being mid-March, it is not unheard of that the below-zero weather is officially behind us for the season, which means that cigars on the balcony will become even more commonplace than they have been over the winter.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 53

    Saturday was another good day, if not a great diet day. When Ryan called and asked if I wanted to drive out to Cambridge for a cigar, I packed Her Floofness into the car and we drove out there. Three cigars were no problem; the peanuts were not a good choice, but I forgot to bring meal replacements. Glen (Ryan’s dad) insisted I stay for dinner, and as they were having a chicken Caesar salad, I did not see the harm. There was way more dressing on the salad than was strictly necessary, and I was surprised that the lettuce maintained its structural integrity. I also could not resist the homemade garlic bread. All in all, not the worst cheat day… but I have to remember to bring my meal replacements with me when I go out for more than a couple of hours.

    The bathroom scale was once again generous this morning; if it can be trusted, I have lost ten pounds since last Saturday… although how accurate that is I do not know. Still and all, I am feeling a little better than I was. There is one last pair of pants that I have not fit into yet; I think I will try them on this afternoon to see if I am any closer to success with them. They are the last pair in Size 44 that did not fit; once they do, my next goal will be the Size 42 bin! Both of those will be tremendous non-scale victories.

    My sons asked me to take them for brunch today, and so in a few minutes they will arrive here, and we will head out to the restaurant. They generally like a particular chain that is originally from Quebec, but I have grown tired of it over the years. I recommended my regular (pre-diet) breakfast establishment, and after they perused the menu, they both agreed that it would do. I only hope the wait is not too long. The weather is supposed to warm up today, but as we are now (10:00am Sunday morning) my face felt like it was freezing off on the last few minutes of the walk with HRF. Because of the pandemic, when you arrive at the restaurant you give your name, and then you wait outside for them to call you. We would obviously wait in the car, but I am hoping we don’t have to that for too long.

    Leslie and I had another conversation about Cuba last night. She told me originally that she was not going to get too excited about the trip; I suspect she is losing that fight with herself. It probably does not hurt that I keep talking to her about how relaxing the trip will be!

    I am hoping that the weather will warm up enough so that this afternoon I will be able to comfortably sit outside with a cigar, and if it is I have some reading to do to prepare for a conversation I have to have this week. If not, then I will sit inside and do the same reading… it just won’t be quite as enjoyable.

    The kids just walked in so we are heading out. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 52

    Yesterday was a day of positives all around. As expected, I worked for a few hours before starting my weekend a bit early. I had a nice salad, and then I went to pick up a couple of boxes of shakes from someone in Hamilton who was selling them off. I then stopped into Costco to pick up some cans of salmon… and ended up with $200 worth of stuff that I mostly need but some that I do not… I am not sure, for example, what I will ever do with 1000 packets of sweetener. I did buy chicken thighs, and when I returned home, I immediately separated the 27 thighs into Ziplock bags (3 per bag) and put them into the freezer. I bought some vegetables (onions, cucumbers, and tomatoes… and yes, I know they are actually a fruit but shaddup), and a few other things. While the quantities are a bit silly, I won’t have to worry about not being able to sweeten my coffee through the year 2025.

    When I got home, I realized that the two boxes of shakes that I bought (at a slightly inflated price) were actually four boxes of shakes. I texted the woman I bought them from and told her it was an honest mistake, and that I would transfer her the money immediately. She thanked me and refused and told me they were a gift. That was very sweet of her! We had a great conversation while I was there, and it was never my intention to short her. What was originally an inflated price turned out to be a bargain! Suddenly the drive was really worth it, despite the stupid price of gasoline.

    It was a beautiful afternoon. While it snowed all day, it was still reasonably mild. I sat out on the patio and enjoyed two cigars – one in the afternoon (a Partagas Serie D No. 4 from 2019) which was fabulous, and one later in the evening (a Davidoff Robusto Supremo that Leslie brought me in November). I do not remember the order, but during that time I had great video conversations with a couple of friends, with my girlfriend, and with my cousins in Florida. It was mostly positive, except to find out that my buddy and his wife will not be joining Leslie and me on vacation in May.

    Speaking of which, the trip is booked! We are flying out of Toronto the afternoon of May 10, and under four hours later we will be in sunny Varadero, Cuba. Leslie has never been on a truly relaxing, no-obligations, no-stress vacation before, and as I told her last night, I am on a mission from G-d to ensure that she has the greatest week of her life. We will take a daytrip into Habana to see friends and whatnot, but aside from that we will have no obligations beyond relaxation, enjoyment, and fun in the sun. fifty-nine days and counting!

    I got to speak with a buddy in Havana last night, which was also very nice. We will spend a day with him and his girlfriend. He told me that we can send the girlfriends off to shop while we go hunting for cigars. I laughed and told him that if he thinks that then he does not know my girlfriend, who will be every bit as excited hunting cigars as I will be; more, in fact… I’ve done the rounds of Habana cigar shops myriad times, and this will be her first time! You never forget your first time…

    The weather today is not as nice as yesterday, so I do not expect to spend much time on the patio. I might see if a friend wants to smoke in his garage, just to give me something to do today. Otherwise, I will be sitting at home and watching TV on my iPad, which still does not sound like a bad way to spend a lazy day!

    On the weight loss front, I am down a couple of pounds from yesterday! I am excited about that. A buddy asked if I wanted to drive to Niagara for Brazilian Rodizio or Buffalo wings, and I told him that they are both against my diet, and that I need to preserve my figure to fit into my bikini in Cuba. Good for a laugh, but in all seriousness, be mentioned two of my favourite food groups and I turned him down flat. I must be serious about this weight loss thing.

    Tomorrow I am taking my kids for brunch, and I will be eating. I plan to be good – breakfast and brunch are very dangerous meals because of all of the carbs and starches… I will have something good (maybe an omelet or a salad) while my kids eat their hearts out. It is not often that my older son calls me and wants to get together, so I am excited about that.

    There isn’t much else to say… I’m going to take it easy, catch up on my TV, and enjoy the day. I hope you enjoy it too!

  • Day 51

    Despite whatever fears I might have had last night, the bathroom scale was friendly this morning. If I had just weighed myself the once, I had lost four pounds from yesterday. However, knowing that I do not trust my bathroom, I got onto the scale three more times before getting a steady reading of just about half a pound down, which is certainly more reasonable.

    I always feel better after a haircut, but the next morning, after I have washed and shampooed, I feel even better. I know she prefers my hair slightly longer, but Leslie was quite taken by this haircut. Perhaps it was because the barber trimmed and tidied my beard as well… I do it on my own when needed, but I know I am not very good at it. When he does it, I know that the beard looks nice and even.

    I am going to work toward a reasonably easy and relaxing day today. I have a client meeting this morning and will likely have 2-3 hours of work from that. By midday the temperature will be around 0°c, which is about where it is now. The snow is expected to last all day, but that has never stopped me from sitting on my covered balcony with a cigar… or two. I might try to get together with friends over the weekend, but for today I want to just stay home and stay put. I know that Princess Sophie will be delighted if I take a nap with her at some point. It is just going to be one of those days.

    With regard to food, I am defrosting chicken for dinner. I have had a lot of fish over the last few days (including a lovely salmon steak last night, prepared with a dash of salt, a bit too much pepper, and fresh dill), and for the Sabbath meal I will switch back to my old favourite.

    If I can get a definitive answer from my friend T, I will also be booking our trip today. I am crossing my fingers that he takes his fingers out and makes up his mind!

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 50 (Part 2)

    I cheated again today, within the confines of the diet program. Actually, that may not be entirely true. You see, I usually have a salad (with a can of salmon or something) for lunch, and then a piece of fish or chicken for dinner. As a friend was coming over, and I had several errands and appointments today, I skipped the lunchtime salad and had a meal replacement bar. For dinner I had a piece of fish. I was still hungry during my class break, so I made a salad with canned salmon. I did have an extra meal replacement, but that is not the worst cheat.

    Somehow, I get to the end of the day, and I feel like I have failed. I ate too much. I cheated. Yes, I had an extra meal replacement… but I am still under 1500 calories today. I might be up half a pound or even a pound tomorrow morning, but that is only because of the substantial drop I registered today, and not because I cheated.

    I have to get out of this mindset that if I have more than 900 calories in a day then I am a failure.

    I just dismissed my class, and next week I start a new class, with mostly the same group. This coming class is way more in my comfort zone… I’ll be teaching Microsoft stuff, which is where I live and breathe. With the last few weeks there were portions of the classes I was less comfortable with. That will not be the case with a Windows 10 class. In the meantime, I have a weekend to look forward to. I have a meeting tomorrow morning, but I should be on my cigar perch by noon.

    Time for bed.

  • Day 50

    I woke up this morning unsure of how I was feeling. As is customary, I sat on “the throne” for near on an hour, which is not unusual; it is where I check my email, Facebook, and I complete any games that I might play on my phone (I only really play two games – Words With Friends and Trivia Crack). I then brushed my teeth and stepped onto the scale. When I saw the number, I stepped off, zeroed the scale, and checked again. I am down significantly from yesterday morning’s weigh-in. I grinned with satisfaction as I began to go about my regular routine… which, for the first time, now includes taking a colchicine tablet.

    After taking the first double-dose yesterday afternoon, I felt no pain in my foot whatsoever. I knew this was likely my brain tricking me because of the excitement of the medicine. While colchicine is supposed to act pretty quickly, it would not be a matter of hours, rather a couple of days before the real relief came. After my walk with HRF Princess Sophie this morning, I can honestly say that there is still pain in my feet… but not nearly as much as there has been over the last few weeks. I imagine that by Sunday it will be gone, and I will be in much better spirits overall. I just hope that the pain that I have been feeling in my knees should disappear as quickly and conveniently.

    I have a few errands to run today, including picking up another batch of contraband meal replacements. After that, I have another dentist appointment, and then a haircut. I am teaching this evening but hope that between the haircut and class I will have time for a cigar on the balcony. Also, if all goes well, Leslie and I will finally be booking our vacation today.

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 49 Part 2

    I am up from two weeks ago. Only one pound, but I have to get back on track. I hope I have my head on straight now, and I can refocus my energy on the weight loss plan.

    My doctor asked me what exercises I have been doing, and I told him that because of my feet and my knees I have not been doing anything. He prescribed the colchicine, and hopefully over the next day or two things will start feeling better. As directed, I took two pills immediately, and will start taking one pill every evening before bed. The scrip reads twice daily, but I am going to start slow and see if I actually need two. I will say that it has been only a few hours, and my feet are already feeling much better. Hopefully that is just what the doctor ordered… no pun intended.

    I miss my Leslie, but we were able to chat for an hour as I sat on the patio with a cigar (okay, two of them). My doctor told me that smoking can be bad for your health, but I told him that they save lives. He asked what I meant, and I told him there are several people who I have not punched in the face because of cigars. He laughed, and agrees that if I am not inhaling, and if I need them to stay on track losing weight, then I should not stop. He also suggested that swimming is good exercise… I asked him where he would recommend going with all the pools closed. I think the simple answer to that has been staring me in the face… and tomorrow morning I am going to finally book our trip to Cuba!

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 49 Part 1

    In a few minutes I am off to the doctor’s appointment to get weighed, and hopefully get meds for my gout. I am disappointed that I have not lost more weight; in fact, I suspect that my weight will register the same today as it did two weeks ago. That’s what happens when you fall off a cliff. Fortunately, I do not expect to weigh more than I did then… after the crap that went on in my head this past weekend, it could have been much worse than status quo.

    My diet buddy moved up our meeting from tomorrow (our regular Thursday meeting) to today. She is a teacher, and she is going away tomorrow for Spring Break. Originally, her plan was to go to Florida, and she wanted to lose as much weight as possible so that she might not be the fattest person on the beach (her words, not mine). She changed her mind and is going to Yukon. She assures me that it is to see her ex-wife, and not commentary on her weight-loss failures.

    Okay, I’m off to see the doctor. Wish me luck!

  • Day 48

    “The problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have its protection.” -Truman Capote

    This quote came to me as I was pondering what to write about yesterday. There are two ways to look at yesterday:

    1. It was a total failure… insofar as I ate more than I should.
    2. It was a complete success… I did not eat anything that would be considered verboten.

    Which one is accurate? I don’t know. When I was originally doing the program religiously in Canada, you were allowed to buy enough shakes for the week… and not one more. While there was nothing stopping you from eating other foods off the program, you could have four shakes per day, and that was it. In the US when I was doing the program religiously, I had the option to buy as many products as I wanted… but the cost kept me in line. Now that I am doing a hybrid program, I can allocate X number of meal replacements per day, but I have to self-police with regard to foods not on the program… my salads, my proteins, and so on. I had a day last week when I probably had two more meal replacements than I should have, on top of the salads and proteins.

    Where yesterday was a resounding success is in comparison to the weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday were terrible cheat days – I drove the program right off a cliff, eating chips and fast foods and deep-fried Chinese food smothered in sugary batter. Yesterday I had a shake for breakfast, a salad with a can of salmon on it for lunch, two large pieces of chicken and a salad for dinner, and another shake in the evening. Did I stick to the script? No. Did I drive off a cliff? No. In contrast, I will call yesterday a success.

    There are days when we will fall down. The trick is to get back up again before the ref counts to ten.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 47

    I did not have a good day yesterday either, but I vowed that today would be better. So far, it has been. I know that there was a terrible hit to my mood over the weekend, and I am hoping that it is over. I really want to be back on track, and to be a happy person in general.

    Leslie got her confirmed start date at her new job! I am thrilled about this. She was worried that two discrepancies on her background check might be an issue. I assured her that the two issues were not going to be factors, and the confirmation came today. Unfortunately, the new start date interferes with her next trip here, and the countdown jumps from 14 days to 30 days. We are both up disappointed by that, but the job is a good opportunity, and I do not want her to do anything to jeopardize it.

    It is nearly 1pm, and I have had only my coffee and my morning shake. When I finish writing I will make a salad for lunch, and I should be good for the day – chicken is defrosting for dinner, and I went shopping for more vegetables. No more cheating, as I did so badly over the weekend.

    Yes, I know the weekend was horrible. I promised Leslie yesterday afternoon – and I promised myself – that I would be back on track today. Yes, I slipped. Now it is time to get back to business.

    Have a great day!