Losing a part of me

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  • A Cause to Die For

    I have had a number of causes in my life that I have been (and am) passionate about. I have protested, I have been an activist, and I have been a soldier. I have written articles in support of the causes I believe in and against those things that I oppose. I hope that I have done that well, and I know that in some cases I have changed some minds.

    I hope I have never made my case to someone, and then, being told that it is not their fight, gotten angry with them that they would not take up my cause.

    In case you are not paying attention, there are a number of protests going on in Canada, most specifically in Ottawa and at the Detroit-Windsor border crossing. The protests are around vaccine mandates and passports, and the terrible effects that the two years of pandemic have had, and how bad the government’s response has been. “IT’S ABOUT FREEDOM!” Maybe it is, maybe it is not. I am not taking a hardline position on this. I have told several of my friends that this is not a cause that I am willing to take on as my own. It is not that I oppose their position… I am just not going to be passionately supporting them.

    I have three friends – none of whom are only Facebook friends – who are extremely passionate about the cause. Each of them has tried to convince me, in their way, that this cause is the most important thing in the world. Each of them has equated the Canadian government of 2022 to Nazi Germany, and each of them has told me that if I am not willing to stand up and fight for this then I am as bad as the people who stood idly by as Jewish businesses were being shut down, leading eventually to the deportation of the Jewish population to the death camps at Treblinka, Sobibor, Chelmno, Belzec, Majdanek, and Auschwitz-Birkenau. Each of them has told me that if I served in the Israeli Defense Forces and am not willing to stand up for their cause then it is obvious that the IDF does not stand for freedom.

    Each one of them is infuriating.

    Firstly, and I cannot stress this enough, I served 2.5 years in the IDF and rose to the rank of Staff Sergeant. While there is an official position and mission of the IDF, it is not set by Staff Sergeants… certainly not by one who did his conscription service and was discharged twenty-five years ago. On top of that, if you have ever tried to get ten Israelis to agree on anything, from the peace talks to the lunch order, then you will know that it is a futile task at which kings and deities have failed.

    I have tried to tell each of them that I am not taking a strong position on this movement. Each of them has tried to guilt me into it. Each has tried to convince me that I am letting another Holocaust happen and standing by passively.

    I respect that some people are against getting the Covid-19 vaccine. I do not agree with them, but hey, it is their choice. To equate them to Jews in Nazi Germany is absurd. Jews did not have a choice. It was not only Jews who wore the black hats and shtreimels and wore side locks who were sent to the gas chambers; if you had one Jewish grandparent, you were considers tiersch untermenschen and would be cleansed from the face of the earth. That was Nazi Germany. In Canada, if you want to be able to eat in restaurants, if you want to be able to travel to the United States (a mandate from the US, by the way), then get the vaccine. It’s as simple as that.

    Two of these friends have told me that for the people not getting the vaccine it is like trying to tell a Jew to be Christian. I’m sorry, but for me that is a ridiculous comparison. We are dealing with a global pandemic, and the only way out is through a combination of science (by doctors and scientists), and the cooperation of the rest of the population. If you are unable to get the vaccine (and there are people who have legitimate medical reasons) then that is one thing. If you just do not believe in the vaccine and do not want to get it, well that is also legitimate… but it can be helped.

    I have a friend whose son was laid off from Canada Post because he is unvaccinated, and he accepts that. When we take a stance and are willing to accept the consequences for that stance, then it is commendable. Mohammed Ali refused the draft; he was stripped of his title and went to jail for his principles. He did not flee the country or hide in some underground, he stood up and said ‘I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.’ You may or may not agree with his position on the war (which is much easier to look at as black and white in 2022 than it was in the heat of 1966), but you have to respect his actions.

    In the middle of a global pandemic, anyone who refuses to get vaccinated (simply because they do not believe in the science) but expects to be treated like everyone who did get vaccinated, is taking a stance but is unwilling to accept the consequences. ‘You must be vaccinated to cross the border.’ That is (a very simplistic wording of) the law right now. Will it change? Maybe yes, maybe no. If your job requires you to cross the border but you refuse to get the vaccine, then you cannot break the law. Can you protest the law? Absolutely. Is it a just and fair law? I don’t know. Do you have the right to require me to protest the law? No. Do you have the right to take over an entire city, or blockade international border crossings? To make your point, I suppose you do… but do it for a weekend and then go home. When protesting the government, you have a better chance of winning widespread public support if you do not inconvenience the people who you think you are fighting for… at least, not beyond the time it takes to make your point.

    I am not saying that ‘I do not work in the auto industry, and so my livelihood does not rely on the Ambassador Bridge traffic, and so I am not protesting.’ I am not saying that ‘I do not live in Ottawa, therefore I have not been inconvenienced by the protests, and so I am not protesting.’ I am saying that while I understand why people are protesting, I am not going to get worked up about it, and I am certainly not taking a strong position either way. Trying to force me to do so will not change that, and that position does not make me ‘just like those who stood by and let the Holocaust happen.’ That, my friends, will raise my hackles, but not in favour of your cause, rather against you for having the nerve to equate pandemic measures to the worst crime in human history.

  • Day 28

    For the first time since I started this journal, this is not the first entry that I am writing today. I started by writing the 1200-word essay I call “A Cause to Die For” which I will publish today as well. I am sick of people equating the current situation in Canada with Nazi Germany, and I had to say something.

    My emotions are not getting a whole lot better, and my food intake yesterday shows it. I had two pieces of chicken, a couple of pieces of cheese, and a couple of extra meal replacements. I am not proud of myself for it, and I hope that I will be able to rein my eating in a bit today and going forward. I have been lacking discipline, and the only good thing that I can say about it is that I did not completely go nuts and order a pizza (or something equally bad for my diet.

    Leslie is being a big help, although she thinks she is failing me. She wants to be here for me, and in truth I wish she was here… but we are in a long-distance relationship, and her next visit is not for 33 days from now. Yes, I would love for her to be here to hug me and hold me. Her caring for me, even from Texas, means everything to me. She keeps asking how she can help or support me, not realizing that just being there for me means the world.

    I woke up this morning angry with how I ate yesterday, and hopeful that today I can do better. I do have to go shopping though… I am out of chicken and tomatoes, and while I do have half an onion left, it is not the sweet onion I usually buy (it was a Spanish onion that was mislabeled). The weather is unseasonably warm (although I suspect rather windy), and Lyle will come over in the afternoon for a cigar. In the meantime, I’ll do my shopping, and I want to go through the labs that I will be working on with my students this evening. They are all Linux-based, which means that they are not really in my comfort zone, as would be Windows-based labs. Not a problem, but I like to stay ahead of them as we go through the class. (It is not the first time I have taught the class, but CompTIA released a new version of the class in January, and the labs are mostly brand new). So: class-prep, shopping, and cigars… and then teaching in the evening. It sounds like a pretty normal day!

    I am wearing the shirt that finally arrived in the missing package yesterday. Wouldn’t you know it? It is the first of the shirts that I ordered to Leslie’s house that actually fits now… none of my stomach is showing! That does not mean that I’ve lost weight, rather that the shirt that I ordered in October is the only one that I ordered in the correct size.

    Have a great day folks!

  • The Case of the Missing Package

    As I drove into the east side of Toronto yesterday afternoon, I got a notification that Canada Post had delivered a package. Actually, I got the notification from the US Postal Service, through which the package was sent. I was excited, knowing that Leslie had shipped me a few things that I needed… including meal replacement bars!

    I arrived at the front door to my building, and there was an envelope for me, but no box. Hmph. I took my bags upstairs, and indeed there was a box for me on my doorstep! It was an Amazon box, and not a USPS one. Okay, still not right, but at least the new lighting for my humidor arrived.

    It has happened a couple of times that the Amazon delivery guy would leave a package for me at the next building over, so before doing anything else, I took a walk over there to check. Nothing. I went upstairs and knocked on the door of the condo association president and asked if he could check the video footage for the past couple of hours. He went to look, discovering that the monitor was broken so he could not check. I started to think that there was a problem but hoped that the mailman pressed ‘Delivered’ when she meant to press ‘Held at Post Office’ which meant I would get a notification.

    It was at this point that I started to think the box was lost. Speaking with Leslie last night, we lamented that it was fortuitous that she had listened to me and not included the very expensive box of sexy cigars that she bought me for Valentine’s Day, opting to hold on to them until our next visit together.

    IMG_2005This morning, I got a cautious text from Leslie. ‘Okay are you ready for the f-up of the century? What is your address?’ When I told her last night that the package was marked as delivered, but was not here, she decided to go back and check… it seems she fat-fingered my address and typed a 3 when it should have been a 6.

    I was in the middle of my morning shake but told her that as soon as I was done with it, I would bundle up and take a walk across the street. I did just that, and sure enough the package was in front of the door of the apartment with the same number as mine. Interestingly, there was no security to get into the building… I could have walked up, taken the package, and been on my merry way. As I did not want to appear to be a mail thief, I rang the bell, and had a quick chat with the resident (who I had quite obviously roused out of bed). Once he understood me (English was not his first language) he wished me well.

    As I rode the elevator back down to street level, I took a picture of the package and sent it to Leslie. I did not open the box until we were on a video call together, and she could see my reactions.

    Not only did I receive my meal replacements (which had the cutest Valentine’s Day stickers all over them!), I received a great little drawing of a cartoon dog and a kiss (not drawn!). I also got a shirt that I ordered to her from Amazon in October, and which was reported delivered October 30. It had not arrived, and a couple of weeks later Amazon refunded my money (saying that if I did receive it eventually, to keep it). The shirt arrived earlier this month (February, so over three months later) with no explanation. It has now gotten lost in the mail twice; to avoid a potential third time, I will wear it tomorrow.

    Interestingly enough, this was not the only package to be marked as ‘delivered’ yesterday, that was not. A delivery for Princess Sophie (that had also been feared lost in transit) was reported as delivered… but is nowhere to be found. I hope that it turns up, but I am not holding my breath. While there are a couple of extras in it, the most important contents have been replaced. We’ll see what happens today… and I will ask the mailman if I see her.

  • Day 27

    Either the weekend’s cheating was too much and prevented any weight loss whatsoever, or the bathroom scale (on the uneven bathroom floor) is not reporting properly. I know that I cheated in Montreal, but I did not think it would be so bad that I would not be at all down from Friday morning. A week from today I will drive to the doctor’s office to get weighed, and we will see if I have made any progress whatsoever. In the meantime, I plan to stay the course. If, however, by next Tuesday my weight has not dropped below 350 lbs, I am abandoning the hybrid approach and going back to the regimented plan.

    On the drive home from Montreal, I did buy an all-beef pepperoni stick. I am not even sure that I was that hungry, and I do not know why I did it. The emotional turmoil from the last few days, matched with the anticipation of my evening meal of chicken and salad. I broke down, and I shouldn’t have. I should have just lit another cigar and waited until I arrived home to eat. I wonder how much of my weight-stasis is owing to the high salt content of that treat. I know that I should not be touching any processed foods, but I did, and now I have to move forward.

    I am not sure how I will be able to move past the emotional and psychological realizations I made this weekend. They were hard and painful, and I do not know what I am going to do. I know that there are people who are concerned about me, but I do not know if I can overcome them. My parents, my sister… when I went off to the Army I should never have come back. I should have changed my name and disappeared from their lives, and screw them all for whatever hurt it might have caused them. Lord knows that my mother and my sister never gave a damn about causing me hurt, and my father’s failure to protect me… I would not have wanted to intentionally hurt him, but I should have protected myself whatever the consequences to him and to them.

  • Day 26–Monday, February 14, 2022

    Happy Valentines Day. My Valentine is 1600 miles away, but at least I will be able to speak with her. I sent her and her son a couple of gifts which they received and enjoyed over the weekend, but I really need to remember to ship her box to her this week!

    Yesterday was not a good day. I started out by visiting my father’s grave, and while it was -28° with the wind chill, I had some things I needed to say to him. It was cold but I said my peace. I did not rush it. I lit up a cigar, and by the time I was done, my cigar was nearly finished too.

    As I prepared to leave the house, I made sure to take my shake pouch with me. What I neglected to take was my shaker bottle, which meant that I could not actually make it. As I left Stephane’s house (where I smoked my second cigar, while chatting with a few friends), I took a handful of mixed nuts. As I sat with Caryl and Lawrence, I had a few slices of cheese. Either of these (or even both of them) would have been fine. It was the breaded foods and egg rolls that I had during the Super Bowl that were the killers. I did not overly pig out, but I did have a couple of egg rolls, a couple of chicken strips, and six wings. While the chicken was breaded, I take at least some comfort in knowing that they were baked and not fried, which would have been so much worse.

    Today has to be a better day for my diet. I have to get through it without cheating. I will be driving much of the day – I only sat down at my computer so that I could write and maintain my routine. Once I finish, I will pack up my kit (most of my stuff is already packed, and I am somewhat relieved that I am leaving Montreal with fewer bags than I came with) and hit the road. I will stop in Brockville to top up my fuel… or at least, fuel up enough to get to Tyendinaga, where gas was $0.16/litre cheaper than it is anywhere else along the road in Ontario (which is another $0.10/litre cheaper than it is in the Province of Quebec). Fuel prices have skyrocketed these last few weeks. I do not know if they are at an all-time-high (which is possible), but they are certainly higher than I have ever seen them.

    The drive will look like this: Brockville for gas, Tyendinaga for gas and a chat with a friend and potential business partner, and then probably one more stop to pee. I just finished my morning shake (it is 9:10am) so I will pull over somewhere around 1:00pm to prepare Shake #2. That should already be past Tyendinaga, but I do not need to map out everything with military precision. Taking a leisurely pace and the planned stops, I would like to be home by 3:30pm or so. There are advantages to not needing to stop to eat!

    I do have to pick up Princess Sophie from Nathalie’s house. I really have missed her this weekend, and especially knowing all of the crap that I have been going through it would have been very nice to have her here. If the timing works as planned, and if nothing else comes up, then when we get home we can take a nap before I have to start teaching at 6:00pm. Oh, and I should make sure I have lozenges and lip balm.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 25

    Yesterday was an emotionally difficult day. I came to a realization that was extremely difficult, and it is a wonder that I did not do worse on my diet than I did. I had always planned to have the rotisserie chicken for lunch (although I should have had a smaller portion); the salad that went with it was very tasty, but it had what I suspect was not a low-cal dressing. In the evening I got back to my friends’ house, and she made me have a bowl of chicken soup (with tomato? What heathen puts tomato into chicken soup?). All of this was in addition to three shakes, so it really wasn’t too bad… but I will try to do better today. I still believe that accountability is the key to my potential success, and so I am not going to blow smoke up my own ass and make excuses for myself. Yes, I had a crappy day. No, I should not have gone straight for the food.

    Wonder of wonders, I smoked a few cigars yesterday. It was not my entire day, but it was a portion of it. I started by visiting with my father’s widow… that’s where the emotionally draining revelations came to me. After that, I met with an old friend and her husband for a coffee. It is always good to see them. Once I was through there, I drove over to my buddy Stephane’s house, where we smoked cigars in the garage. He is an amazing woodworker, with a passion for ‘turning wood’. I never knew that was a thing until I involved myself with a broad community of cigar smokers. I now have several pens, ashtrays, and cigar stands that were made by him over the course of the last five years. During the course of the day, I bought a pen stand that he made, and he made me a pen. The pen that he made for me is gorgeous, but it is an everyday pen, as opposed to some of the other pens I have from him, one of which is a $200 work of art. So yes, the day was not cheap for me, but it was worth every penny.

    I came in from his place at about 9:00pm, and Rick and Isolina listened to my issues for a few minutes. She made me a bowl of soup (she was quite insistent about it, so I stopped arguing). We then watched the UFC fights, which I also rather enjoy. I lit a very good cigar (I know that she is not fond of my cigars, and I smoke cigars that I know she will enjoy more than the cheaper ones), and by the second fight I had forgotten most of my issues. Fortunately, I was able to remember most of them as I was trying to fall asleep later on.

    Today is a new day. I am going to visit my father’s grave, and then have a few other friends to visit with before I return to Stephane’s for another cigar. I’ll be back here in time to watch the Super Bowl with my friends, especially knowing that Stephane is not a sports lover. (He also does not have a television in the garage, which means that we wouldn’t be able to smoke cigars during the game anyways).

    It is bone-chillingly cold out today; yesterday morning when I left Rick’s place it was 5° Celsius outside. By the time I left Stephane’s it was -14°, and this morning the wind chill is reading -29°. In short, it will be a relatively brief visit with my father. Standing outside in an unsheltered field when it feels like nearly -30° is not my definition of fun… but I cannot think of an enjoyable reason to visit a cemetery, even in the nicest climes. I need to speak to my Dad about the realizations I came to yesterday… and even if I did not, it is a son’s duty to say a prayer at his father’s grave. (If anyone is wondering, I have not once visited my mother’s grave since the day of her funeral, and while I know the cemetery she is in, I would not easily be able to find her grave. She caused me more that enough pain and discomfort while she was alive; I will not suffer the cold for a minute to go looking for her now. Maybe in the summer I will find her grave and say a prayer over it.

    One thing that can be said for extremely cold days in Canada, they are usually sunny and clear. It will at least be a pretty day to be driving about. Wherever you are, enjoy it! I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 24 (Montreal)

    Success… mostly. Yesterday’s consumption consisted of four shakes… and one bag of almonds. As I had mentioned, I was driving to Montreal, and when I stopped for my first bio-break, I bought a small bag of almonds, with a marked value of 360 calories. I ate half of them between my first and second shakes, and the balance between my second and third shakes. I only had one shake on the road, and I pulled off into a Service Area to mix it up. I was a little nervous about that… When I was on the program five years ago, I mixed a shake on the same drive (from Burlington to Montreal) and discovered too late that the shaker-cup was not properly secured. I also discovered (shortly thereafter) that the shake material stains the leather (or whatever material the inside of my door was made of). I did not try to prepare the shake on the move, I took extra precautions to secure the bottle, and there were no accidents.

    On the same topic, that was the first time I had prepared the shake by hand since I don’t know when… I have a Ninja blender at home that does a much better job (it crushes an ice cube into the shake and gives it a creamier consistency, as well as keeping it cold), and when I was on the go (when I was previously on the program in the US) I simply took meal replacement bars with me. I am out of the bars and knowing that I will be away for three days, I simply took a box of fourteen shakes with me.

    I did not drink quite as much water as I usually do yesterday, owing to the fact that I did not want to have to stop along the road every 30 minutes. As it was, I made three stops, but one of them was also to gas up the car and to buy cigars (there is a good cigar shop on the Tyendinaga Reservation, in addition to much cheaper gasoline). Had I drank all the water I normally do, I suspect I would have arrived an hour later than I did.

    This afternoon, I will have lunch with my father’s widow, and we will share some rotisserie chicken. I suspect that will be the only food I eat this weekend, and it is not really a cheat… at least, it is not a cheat beyond the hybrid program I have been following. As such, I would love to step onto the bathroom scale Tuesday morning to discover that I have dropped a good amount of weight! There are no guarantees of course… but there is a simple equation: If I follow the program, if I consume only my meal replacements and healthy foods in moderation, then I will lose weight. It really is that simple. If my pre-diet intake was more than 3,000 calories per day (including a lot of carbohydrates and starches), then there is no way that I can consume less than 1,100 calories per day and not lose weight.

    I miss Princess Sophie. Last night was the first night since October 1st that she was not with me, and I worry about her… even though the woman who is taking care of her sent me a picture of her having a wonderful time. I still miss her and can hardly wait to see her again!

    When I arrived last night, my friends asked me to not smoke in the house anymore. For years I have been coming here and they always invited me to smoke, so this was a bit of a change. They are expecting their first grandchild soon, so I am not surprised. I gave them a little grief over it, but in truth it did not bother me. I will have plenty of opportunities to smoke cigars this weekend, and even if I would not, I would not really be put out. I still love them!

    I have spoken about my routine and being out of town it is necessarily disturbed. I had to remind myself after I finished my shake to pull my computer out to write. I did not take Princess Sophie for a walk, I did not make sure my dishes were clean, and I did not have to feed a puppy. Fortunately, I remembered to at least spend a few minutes writing. I suppose it is easier to want to sit down to write coming off a successful day, rather than one when I would be beating myself up.

    I have been watching the craziest period of ice hockey I have seen in years. In the last seven minutes the score has gone from 3-2 for Czech Republic to tied at 4, to ROC (Russia) up 5-4, and now it is tied. There is a reason that watching hockey is so much more interesting than just reading the scores! I do not watch often – I don’t even have a cable subscription at home – but I enjoy it when I do. After the game I am going to hit the road and pick up a chicken to take to Esti’s.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 23

    Yesterday would have been a good day… had I not had pumpkin seeds to put on my salad. I do not think the seeds on the salad were the problem, but the fact that I devoured the rest during my evening break was. I must have added 300 calories to my daily total… not to mention that I had two pieces of chicken rather than one. While I still don’t trust the scale, it was up 1.6 lbs from yesterday morning. That is not good.

    This morning, after her daily walk, I drove Princess Sophie to Nathalie’s house. Nathalie answered my ad when I was looking for a dog walker (after I broke my ankle), and my little girl likes her. I am off to Montreal for the weekend, and it seems that she intimidated Isolina’s cat on our last visit, and thus is not welcome there. The thought of Princess Sophie intimidating anyone is pure comedy, but my choices were either to bring her to Montreal and stay somewhere else (I could not easily find anyone willing this close to the weekend), not go to Montreal, or put her up with Nathalie. Tonight will be the first night since we were reunited that she is not sleeping in my bed… at least for a few minutes. I’m not going to lie; I am a bit emotional having left her. It will only be for a few days though, and we will be back together Monday.

    Speaking of Montreal, this will be a challenging weekend for the weight loss program. I will take my shakes with me, and I will do my best to not veer from the program. It is easier to maintain a hybrid program when I am home alone; staying with friends (and visiting with others) I would be relying on their cooperation with the dietary needs, and I am not going to put anyone through that. Rather than trying to explain to them what I need, I will simply stick to the meal replacements. Esti (my father’s widow) and I might order chicken for lunch, but I will have the rotisserie chicken only – no side dishes.

    Last night I was speaking with my diet buddy, and I told her I was going to Montreal, and she started to talk very fondly about some of the foods that city has to offer. If you were unaware, it is a truly culinary gem, with some of the best restaurants in North America (including the midrange ones). The deli, the bagels… I shut her down and asked her to not remind me. I told her that upon my return, we can discuss them… before the trip it was a bad idea. I did not want to be reminded ahead of time of all the easily accessed foods that I could cheat with. It will be hard enough to stay on track as it is.

    My goal for the weekend: Stay the course. Don’t eat anything that is not planned; stick to my shakes when possible and drink a lot of water. I will also be smoking a few cigars with my friends, which will be a nice distraction. I also plan to visit my father’s gravesite. That is always an emotional time for me, but it is also a son’s obligation. It has been nearly ten months since I got that terrible phone call, and I still miss him terribly.

    Okay… time to pack up (computer, clothes, and cigars) and hit the road. Had I been better organized, I would have been ready to hit the road as soon as I dropped Princess Sophie off, but I had a choice… I decided to relax and not stress, and not delay her morning ritual of going out as soon as I’m dressed. My morning ritual has evolved into coming home from her walk, making my coffee and my shake, and writing in my journal. If accountability is going to be such a large part of my success, then I wanted to write about yesterday’s failures… before I hit the road.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Day 22

    I did not think to take my measurements this morning. I don’t think that has to be a weekly occurrence, but I will do it from time to time.

    Yesterday was a gluttonous day, mostly within the parameters of my hybrid program. For my lunch I had a bowl of soup and a salad. With my dinner I had two bowls of salad instead of one… and because I had run out of many of my vegetables, I decided to put a little bit of cheese onto it… and then I had another piece of cheese. It is amazing to think that I am kicking myself over a 1300 calorie day where no starch or excessive carbs were consumed.

    Still and all, I did not gain weight from yesterday to today, I just did not lose any either. I suppose my hybrid approach is what slowed my weight loss (as compared to my previous attempts at the program, where I was over 30 lbs down each time by now). I am going to stay the course though. I believe that this hybrid approach is the healthier way to increase my chances of long-term success.

    I decided as I got dressed this morning to don the button-down shirt that I bought to wear to the service for my father. As I expected, it fits fine (and might even be a little loose, which is likely how I bought it). I also decided to wear a tie with it, for two reasons. Firstly, I always feel a little better when I am dressed nicely. For the last few months, I have only been able to wear pull-over shirts, and even the one button-down shirt that almost fit was not the sort to wear a tie with. The second reason is that I know how much Leslie enjoys when I dress up. She has a thing for me in a tie, and I like making her happy… even though we have about 1,400 miles between us.

    The weather today is not too bad… a little windy, but I think I can take it I’ll have a cigar on the balcony after my lunch, and I will relax before I have to teach this evening. I also have to make a quick trip to the supermarket; I am not only low on chicken, but I am also completely out of vegetables for my salad. I also have a box to ship to Leslie, which I have been delinquent in taking care of.

    Have a great day folks!

  • STOP DOING THAT!

    I fell off the diet wagon today, and I am ashamed of myself. The only good news of it is that most of what I fell off with was not too bad, and all stuff I have in the house – which means that I did not get a bag of chips or candy or fast food. The biggest guilt of it was cheese, but I also had a couple more salads throughout the day than I usually should.

    I think the reason I fell was that I did not drink water today. I had a small bottle this morning, and that was it. I am downing the water now, and I will make a point of reminding myself in the morning how important it it.

    Fall down seven times… get back up eight. Tomorrow is another day.