Losing a part of me

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  • Day 16

    I certainly ate more almonds yesterday than I should have. I am to the point where I am thinking the smart move would be to throw them out, so they are not in the house.

    There are some things that are not temptations. When Leslie was here in December, I bought a bag of white chocolate chips to make hot chocolate. I have not once said to myself ‘You know what? I can just take a measured amount of chocolate chips, and all will be fine.’ I know that chocolate is bad for the diet, and that is the end of it. Almonds, on the other hand, are specifically called out as acceptable cheats. “If you find yourself between meal replacements and you are hungry and you do not think you are going to make it, take a small handful of almonds.” This was advice from the staff when I went through the bariatric medical program a few years ago. Knowing that they are in the pantry, I am tempted by them… and while the occasional handful (one in any day) might be fine, yesterday I had two… larger than usual hands full.

    My girlfriend loves to spoil me. I certainly appreciate everything that she does, but sometimes she goes a step above, and I have to find some way to spoil her back. It is much easier to do when she is here, and trust me that when she comes to visit, I do my best to treat her right. Yesterday she sent me a picture of my Valentines Day gift, and my jaw dropped. I know there is not much that I can do to really compete (she knows of my passion for cigars and feeds that passion… let’s leave it at that), but what I can do is to show her thoughtful gestures. I went to the supermarket. I needed three things for myself at the supermarket (milk, coffee, and distilled water). Before I collected those items, I went to the sweets section and picked out a number of items that I know she will love. I will have to ship them today or tomorrow (we had another impressive snowfall last night, and I might not leave the house today), hoping they will arrive on her doorstep in time for that day.

    I did not mention this because I want to toot my horn. I bring it up because I now have chips, cookies, and other treats (all things she cannot get in the USA, before you ask) in a box on my counter. As with the chocolate chips, none of these are tempting me. Why? Because they will be bad for my diet… and I am happy with the progress I have made, and hope that I can continue to make progress without those back-slips that so often result in the complete implosion of one’s weight loss program.

    I did make a decision though, and it is going to be a serious change to my diet. I defrosted a chicken quarter and will have it for dinner. I am still on the fence about whether to make a salad or not, but I think that I might. It will not be an Israeli salad – there is too much sugar in that – but maybe I’ll buy some romaine lettuce, an onion, and a couple of other vegetables. I would still have tomato in it, but I know that both the onion and the tomato will have sugar in them, so I will keep those to a minimum (unlike the Israeli salad, which consists primarily of these).

    If today goes well, I am going to transition from meal replacements only to a hybrid program that consists of one meal and the rest products. I have to be careful, as it can be a slippery slope if I let myself falter. I do not want that. I do know, however, that I have had to reach for the almonds nearly every day this week, and most days more than once. If I am going to be on a hybrid program anyways, I would rather do it with a proper meal than with a handful of nuts (which I am not enjoying as much as I did).

    It is actually a pretty day outside, and I might go run those errands. If I do, then salad can be an option. Have a great day!

  • Day 15

    I have completed two whole weeks, and aside from some almonds, I have stuck to it. Yay me!

    I have to start by saying that I am in a really bad mood, and it has nothing to do with my weight loss or my body. It is about people from my past, and regrets. I was in one case a bad judge of character and helped someone who later betrayed me. I recently discovered that they are succeeding with something that I helped them with, and possibly with people that I introduced them to. I regret helping him, I regret introducing him to the other person, and despite myself I find myself hoping that he fails. On the other hand, the other person is a great guy, and just announced on Facebook the launch of a new venture in a new country. I truly hope he succeeds… I just hope the other person has nothing to do with it.

    “Resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.”

    While the source of that quote is unclear, the truth of it is not. That my eyes shot open well before my alarm because the possible connection between these two people came to mind is not healthy. I have to let go of it, and I will. It does not seem that as of this morning I have achieved that, but I will continue to work on it.

    In short: I couldn’t fall asleep; I finally did (around 2:00am), only to be awakened by Princess Sophie asking to go out at 5:00am. I was back asleep by 5:30am and awake again by 6:15am. Today is not starting out on a great note.

    Although I am reasonably happy with this morning’s weigh-in, the measurements are bothering me. It could just be that my fatigue and overall blah is preventing me from getting it right; it is also possible that for the last few weeks I measured wrong. Either way, my belly is about an inch smaller than it was last week… and my chest is two inches bigger. I’m not noting it down… something is just wrong, and I don’t much care right now.

    Yes, I am in a mood. No, I do not plan to throw my diet down the drain to make myself feel better… because it won’t. Yes, the food would comfort me in the immediate, but the diet progress is what makes me feel better every day. I have to keep focusing on that.

    By the way, what a lousy day to find out that the milk that I keep for my coffee turned. Before you ask, the expiry date was February 23 (nearly three weeks from now). Two sips into my first cup of coffee and it (along with a nearly full carton of milk) went down the drain.

    If there was ever a morning when I should say ‘Screw all this, I’m going back to bed!’ then it’s today… and that is exactly what I am going to do… after I get a couple of things taken care of. Who wants to place a wager whether Princess Sophie will want to curl up next to me for a couple of hours?

  • Distractions

    I enjoyed my meal-replacement soup exactly on schedule, and then picked a fine cigar to enjoy on the balcony… and after that, another. I was supposed to have a meeting at 5:30, but he canceled early, so I was able to finish that second cigar without rushing it. I came back into the house, took care of a couple of things, and then I realized that I was a bit hungry… not terribly, but I was ready for my next meal replacement. It was only once I made that decision that I realized that I was an hour late for it.

    While it is important to spread my nutrition out throughout the day, I was pleased to see that while I was enjoying my cigars I was not thinking about food. That is something important to remember – like so many other things, hunger (and eating) is sometimes more about what is in my head than what is in my stomach. How often have I eaten because I was bored, rather than actually hungry?

    There is an old saying that idle hands are the devil’s playground. I will have to remember that an idle mind is a glutton’s nightmare. The idle hands thing might play into it too… after all, throughout the time I was outside, I had a cigar in one hand and my phone in the other. Keeping just might be an important part of my weight management strategy… both while I am losing the weight, and when it comes time to maintaining it.

  • Memories Of A Friend

    A couple of weeks ago I got a reminder from Princess Sophie’s vet in California that she was due for some of her vaccines. After confirming the name with my son (the elder), I made an appointment for her with the vet that my family has used since before I met them. At 11:15 my girl was sitting happily in the passenger seat of my car, and we headed out there. We were only a few blocks away when I realized the reality of the last time I had been there.

    It was May of 2016 when Jacob-Pup went in. He was in pain, having suffered from a degenerative illness that essentially fused his spine. I had a difficult decision to make – either pay for a $12,000 surgery which had a less-than-50% success rate, or say goodbye. I held my best friend in my arms as the pain (and his life) drained out of his eyes. He was so brave, and even then he was trying to comfort me, reassuring me that I had made the right decision.

    It is nearly six years later, and as we approached the clinic I started to weep, just thinking about it.

    There are not many positives to the restrictions that the Covid pandemic have forced upon us, but had I been able to walk through the front doors of the clinic I might have lost it. As it was, handing Princess Sophie off the the technician at the door, then sitting in my car in front was not easy.

    The doctor called and we had our quasi-tele-vet appointment. As she kvelled about how wonderful my little girl is (beauty, temperament, and health), I was proud… but holding back tears, remembering the last conversation I had with her.

    While I never needed an excuse, I have always been an emotional eater. As we drove down Trafalgar toward the highway, I tried to avert my eyes. There is a pub along the road that makes among my favourite buffalo wings in the city, and how easy would it have been to stop in to pick up a pound or two? Who would have blamed me if reliving the death of my best buddy was the impetus for a cheat meal? I doubt it would have been one meal. It would have been the first step at jumping off a very dangerous slope, and I could not do that to myself. As Leslie said this morning, hate the diet, love the results. It would have been so easy, and so easily explained, had I just fallen off right there… but there are 365 days in a year, and if you live long enough, every day is another memory of something that would be another great excuse to fall off the plan.

    I drove right past the pub, speaking with Leslie for much of the drive. She is a great support when I need it. I had an errand to run (which involved walking through a supermarket full of tempting food), and then we were home… and I had not veered from the program. I did not even, as I said I might, go straight for my meal replacement, a little earlier than normal. I put my things away and sat down to write.

    After I press Send I will have that meal replacement, and then I will sit on the balcony with a cigar. Princess Sophie might join me, and if she does, we will honour the memory of my Jacob Doggie, taken from me way too soon.

  • Day 14

    I almost made it through yesterday, but between two meal replacements I needed energy to continue my class, and I took fifteen almonds. That was my only cheat on the day. I was also happy with my water intake throughout the day. I will try to continue that.

    In my previous journal I mentioned how I am having an easier time walking than I had two weeks before, and I am definitely experiencing that now. Princess Sophie and I did not go for a long walk this morning, but I am definitely having an easier time of it. That is a huge improvement. I am probably ten kilos lighter than I was two weeks ago, and that is a lot of weight to be rid of. It is not enough… but it is certainly a good amount for two weeks. I wish I thought I could maintain this pace, but that is not possible. The initial weight loss can be massive, but then it slows. By the end of the first month, I should be happy to lose five pounds per week.

    Speaking of which, tomorrow is my weigh-in day. Knowing that I cannot trust the numbers on the scale (I will register them, but I will not put too much trust in them), I am going to focus on measurements. On Day 1 I measured my chest, my belly, and under my belly. Tomorrow morning, I will measure those three again, and I will register my satisfaction with my progress based on that.

    I ate the last of the chocolate bars yesterday, and I opened the last box of the apple cinnamon bars. I have been going back and forth in my mind about whether to order more or not. I have discussed it with Leslie, who is more than happy to receive them and then cross-ship them, saving at least some of the import charges that a business shipping across the border would have to pay.

    My biggest concern was should I, upon completion of my stock of American product, simply make the clean transition to the Canadian program (and its 900 calories in four products, over the American 800 calories in five products), or do I want to cross-pollenate the two programs, possibly having three (Canadian) shakes, and either one or two (American) bars. That would bring my daily intake to either 835 calories, or 995 calories. Neither one of these totals would necessarily slow my weight loss. My current thinking is that whenever I crave solid foods (of which the Canadian program is devoid) I can reach for a meal replacement bar. The two that I have been having every day have made my transition to the program a lot less of a shock than it might otherwise have been.

    In the end, I decided to order a six-week supply of both the chocolate and the apple cinnamon. While it feels like a shock to the pocketbook to pay it all up front, having the product will make it easier for me to lose weight, and that is the goal. Additionally, before we factor in the cost of shipping them to Canada, the American product (per serving) is about $0.70 cheaper than the Canadian. As you also do not have to go through the hassle of getting a doctor’s prescription from an affiliated clinic, it is also much more convenient.

    Although I have ordered the products, I will not have them before I eat my last apple cinnamon bar. There will be at least a week when I am on shakes and soups only, a completely liquid diet. I suspect that there will be some almonds in there as needed.

    When I was on the program in California, I did well for a while on a hybrid program for a while. I don’t remember when I started it, but instead of having the five meal replacements per day, I would have either three or four meal replacements, a piece of chicken (quarter dark), and a salad (with a little oil and balsamic vinegar). I would have to comb through the 200 pages of writing more thoroughly than I did to figure out when I started, and how well I did on that plan. I tried for about fifteen minutes and did not find it. I do know that as tempting as the idea sounds to me, I am going to wait… a while still. Maybe when I am completely out of the soups I can consider it, but I still have a few weeks’ worth of soup before that happens. With that said, I did a few calculations… two Canadian shakes (450 calories), plus one American bar (160 calories), one chicken leg quarter (330 calories), plus one salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomatoes with a dash of oil and balsamic vinegar (160 calories). That would be an 1,100-calorie day, which is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I am reasonably sure that when I discuss this with my doctor, he will say that it is healthier, as well as a better plan for long-term sustainability than the meal-replacements-only plan. I don’t think that is a terrible goal to shoot for… say, by the end of the month (today is February 2).

    The last two days have been beautiful cigar weather, and today should be little different… as long as the balcony is covered. The current temperature is 3°C, with light rain. The rain is set to turn to snow by 7pm, but I will be teaching by then, so it is of no concern. Princess Sophie has an appointment with the vet at noon (her vaccines are due, and she should meet her new Canadian doctor), but we should be home by 1:30pm. A buddy might come to join me for a cigar, but whether he does or does not, I plan to spend a couple of hours fumigating my balcony, watching the world go by. And then teaching, and then bed.

    One thing that is missing from my planned schedule for the day is napping. I find myself with more energy than I had just two weeks ago, when I would regularly take naps in the middle of the day to get through it. That is not to say that I do not take them – I am up every day before 7:30am and I am teaching most nights until 11:30pm, so it is not unreasonable to do so. With that said, I do not feel the same need to sleep in the middle of the day (almost every day) that I did when I was at my heaviest. I am pleased to have more energy than I did, and look forward to that getting even better.

  • Trying… really trying.

    It is 3:35pm. I am 2.5 hours past my second meal replacement, and an hour from my next one. I am hungry… but I promised myself that I would not cheat at all today. In a few minutes a buddy is coming over to have a cigar, and that will hopefully take my mind off my hunger. There are days when I just hate dieting. Today is one of them.

  • Day 13

    At 11:55pm I posted on my weight loss blog that I had cheated. Over the course of the day, I ate two or three (measured) handfuls of almonds, and that I felt bad about it. Not because I was worried that 30 almonds were going to ruin my diet, rather that the break in the routine – and breaking the disciplined regimen of not veering from the plan – might. I promised myself that I would not cheat today… at all.

    There are not many things that I really dislike about my apartment in Burlington. Yes, it is smaller than I would like; were I going into an office to work every day it would be fine, but working from home, I do wish I had a second closed-off room to make an office of. That is one of the reasons why my apartment in California truly was perfect. My bedroom was at one end of the apartment, my office was at the other (adjacent to the living room, which was even further from my bedroom). These were separated by the bathroom and the kitchen, and the way the building was laid out made it so that each room had a window to one side or the other of the building. The leasing agent told me I was lucky, that it was the only layout in the entire complex that had two rooms that did not share a wall. That mattered less to me because I lived alone with Princess Sophie but would have made a big difference to a family with children. I miss that apartment.

    The number one feature of my current apartment that irks me is the floors. Both the realtor and later the owner of the apartment told me at the beginning that there are issues with the floor, and when walking barefoot you can tell that there are some places where it is uneven. I don’t much care about that. What really bothers me is that in the bathroom, I can place the bathroom scale in one spot and get what I thought was an accurate reading… and then I can move it six inches, and the reading is a full 4 lbs different. Yes, throughout the course of the day, your body weight will fluctuate… but not in 2-3 minutes. That is caused by an unsteadiness in the floor. I suppose that for the time being, my actual weight from day-to-day and week-to-week matters less than the downward trend of it. If we can assume that from spot to spot may be inconsistent, but the same spot will be consistent, then what I am going to have to do is to figure out a way to place the scale in the exact same spot every day. What I might do is paint two lines – one from each wall – that I can align the sides to. I don’t know… I’ll figure something out.

    Aside from the almonds, yesterday was mostly a good day. Earlier in the day I was not good about drinking water, although by the time I went to bed I had finished two of my 74 oz bottles worth. Rather than drink it all starting in the late afternoon, I really should make sure to start earlier in the day and spread the positive effects of it out over the course of the day.

    (Directly after writing that last paragraph I went to the kitchen, got my water bottle, and took a giant gulp from it. It is not my first water of the day but having the bottle at my desk will be a constant reminder to drink… and I will!)

    Previously, I have been a patient of two bariatric clinics in Ontario, Canada. The first in Hamilton, the second in Ottawa. Yesterday I called both of them to see if I could get a prescription for the medically supervised meal-replacements that I want to use, and both said no. It has been too long, and I would need to see a doctor. Additionally, because the Province of Ontario will not cover someone going through the program twice, I would have to do it with a private clinic. I am not sure if I want to go that route, or if I want to continue to buy the product on the second-hand market. After all, they are not drugs, so it makes very little sense that one would need a prescription to buy them. In the meantime, I have made an appointment to see my doctor for next week. I don’t suppose it would hurt to get a referral to the clinic, if that is the way I do decide to go.

    When I was at my friends’ house over the weekend, I noticed next to the sink a bottle of keto-strips, and I was curious. I did not know that there was a product that you could buy that would let you know if your body was in ketosis or not. I briefly considered buying some – I even looked at them on Amazon when I got home. I then decided against it, simply because as long as I am losing weight, I am on track… aside from it not mattering if I am in ketosis or not, I think my energy levels (and consistent weight loss) are proof enough that I am where I need to be. If I was on the program for specific health reasons (other than morbid obesity), then it would be a different story. For the time being, I have decided that I do not need to pee on a stick to know what’s going on.

    I have just a little bit of work to do during the day, and then in the afternoon a friend is coming over for a cigar. I am teaching in the evening, but that does not get started until 6:00pm. It is good to have a schedule, and I am not meandering through the day aimlessly, giving myself more opportunity to cheat. Today will be a good diet day!

  • Not The Best Day

    It is nearly midnight, and I am disappointed in myself. Today I did not drink enough water throughout the day (although I did get through 100 oz), and I had two (measured) handfuls of almonds. I am sure it won’t kill me, but I am hoping to be stronger tomorrow. NO CHEATING ON TUESDAY!

  • Day 12

    In my previous journal I wrote that on Day 12 I was starting to feel a real difference in how I walk. Yes, it is less than two weeks into the diet, and I have shed nearly twenty pounds. I feel the difference in my pace, and the ease with which I am able to get there and back (wherever there might be). When I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning the mercury read -12°C, which believe it or not is a lot nicer than it has been. We walked to the park and back, meeting a golden retriever friend who was a lot of fun.

    There is a rather unpleasant task that doggie daddies do that has become easier these last two weeks, and I am not sure if it is solely because of the weight, or possibly also because my ankle and knee have healed better. Kneeling down to collect her poop is much easier than it was. I am sure it will get easier still, as the amount of weight my knees have to support drops.

    Something else that I discussed in my previous journal was that I did not want people to know about my weight loss program, and that I was furious that after I confided in a friend about it, he then told his seventeen-year-old daughter… who then tried to grill me about it. He proved to me a few months later that he was not at all a friend, or at least not in the way that I need my friends to be. Days 11 & 12 were both foreshadowing the ends of relationships, but neither had anything to do with my weight loss. It is so difficult to make friends in Southern California, because so many of the people there are fake and will use you for what they need, and then throw you away. I was blessed, after I moved from Glendale to Westlake Village, to meet a group of friends who have proven time and again their sincerity. They will always be my true friends.

    Yesterday turned into a very productive day, even though I had originally said it was going to be a lazy day at home. The at-home part was true, but I got through a major task that I have discussed before. I never realized just how many clothes I own, and I am a little embarrassed by it. With Leslie on video chat, I folded and sorted all of my clothes. Yes, the other day I did that with my pants. One plastic storage container worth of them. Big deal. I was utterly amazed by how many shirts I own… and with only two exceptions, the two large containers worth were all golf shirts and t-shirts. In the end, I decided to change the system. I now have five storage bins in the corner of my bedroom with the following labels:

    • XXL Shirts & T-Shirts
    • Pants Sizes 40-42
    • XL Shirts & T-Shirts, Pants Sizes 36-40
    • Suits, etc…
    • Taekwondo – doboks & non-current belts

    That last container is large, filled to the hilt, and much more accurately labeled than that. Having been, over the years, affiliated with three different clubs (in the GTA, in Ottawa, and in California), I have several uniforms with different branding, plus my two pre-Black Belt uniforms. I also have a number of pair of training pants that I would wear under the more-important uniform top and belt. I am hoping that when I drop another 30 lbs I will be comfortable enough to start training again. While I live less than 2 km from the club I used to be affiliated with, owing to the change in management (GrandMaster retired) I will likely reach out to friends who opened a club in the same style. We’ll see.

    Considering that I am not a fashion guy, the fact that I have four storage containers filled with clothes, not having actually touched my closet, is amazing to me. It is not that I need this vast array of clothes; it is simply that over the years there have been three distinct sizes of Mitch, ranging from extra-fat (where I am now), to slimmest-ever (where I have been twice, once in August-October 2017, and again from July-November 2020). Judging from the volume of shirts, I guess most of that time was spent in the middle – the XXL shirts and t-shirts piles were far larger than the other two. This is good in the short term, because in a month I hope to fall into that bracket and will spend a couple of months there.

    While I wish I had not benefitted from doing so, I wish I had not kept all of my fattest clothes. It was not my intention to. In August 2020 I emptied my closet and drawers of everything that was ‘fat Mitch’ – the XXL and XXXL shirts and the Size 42-46 pants – and put them into a bag to donate. That bag sat in the trunk of my car for a couple of months behind my golf clubs and was only taken out (into my apartment) because I was driving a couple of friends to the golf course, and we needed room for their clubs. The bag then sat in a closet for months, until my friends who were emptying my apartment in California and shipping all of my stuff to me shipped the fattest clothes. Had they not, I would have had to buy a lot newer clothes than I did. I have no problem spending money on thinner-me clothes. I loathe wasting money on clothes that I want to shrink out of and never fit into again.

    I my first weight loss program cheat yesterday… albeit a minor one. In the early evening I prepared a bowl of soup, and while I was putting it on the table, my hand slipped, and I spilled half the bowl. I decided to replace the lost protein and calories with a handful of almonds. While I did not gorge myself on them, I do think that the handful that I took was much more than what I had spilled and would likely have been the equivalent of an entire meal replacement, if not a touch more. I was glad as I prepared for bed hours later that I was not overly hungry and made the conscious decision to skip my last meal replacement bar of the day.

    I want to mention that as I sit here typing I can feel my knees. They are not in pain; they just feel like I have been exercising. In other words, they feel like they carry around far too much weight and will be much better off once I am at my goal weight. That might be many months away, but every pound that I shed is a pound that they do not have to carry. I expect that they will continue to feel better as I succeed with my weight loss.

  • Day 11

    The contrast between my plans for Saturday (yesterday) and Sunday (today) could hardly be vaster. Yesterday, Princess Sophie and I drove to Strathroy (two hours away) to spend a few hours with my friends and godson and goddaughter (and their dog), then to Cambridge (about halfway home) to spend a few hours enjoying cigars and the company of other friends, and then home by just past midnight. The plan for today consists chiefly of writing, taking Princess Sophie for a few walks, watching some TV, and… yeah, that’s about it. In short, today shall be a relaxing day. Oh, I also plan to re-season my humidor, as well as continue sorting my clothes by size. Neither of these is exactly taxing.

    When we last visited with our hero, he was concerned that there would be a lot of opportunity for him (me) to veer from the program. (Switching from the third person NOW) I thought about it… several times. At one point, I even decided to do it… and did not.

    My first thought to cheat (and only real opportunity) came an hour into the drive, when we pulled into a truck stop for a bio break. As we walked into the store, the lady behind the counter told me that she cannot allow dogs inside. As I apologetically explained that Princess Sophie is a registered Emotional Support Animal, she pooped on the doormat. I was more than a little embarrassed! I promptly cleaned it all up, and then promised to hold her in my arms while we were on the premises. After peeing (which was an extreme need by this point), I prepared a cup of coffee for myself, and for a flash I thought to look for a beef or turkey (or any non-pork) sausage. Truck stops are famous for their dried meats. I felt bad about Sophie’s accident and wanted to buy more than a cup of coffee. In the end, I opted to simply buy the coffee, and let the cashier keep the change (which will benefit her directly instead of the store). I was not truly hungry, and within 45 minutes I would be due my second meal replacement of the day… it was just a question of buying something to make up for the poop.

    As I pulled away from my friends’ house in Strathroy, I ate my third meal replacement of the day. It was overdue, and quite welcome. However, as you likely know, it can take your brain twenty minutes to get the message from your stomach that you are no longer hungry. As I merged from the 402 onto the 401, I was tempted to stop and pick up either a sausage or a bag of almonds. The conversation with my girlfriend distracted me, and I did not.

    As I pulled off the highway in Cambridge, I decided I was hungry, and I was going to stop and get one of those snacks. I saw the Tim Hortons sign (they are ubiquitous in Canada) and pulled into their drive thru. It was not until I was driving away with my coffee that I realized that a) I had not purchased a snack, and b) It was not an unreasonable time to have my fourth meal replacement of the day. I enjoyed the bar, and when I arrived at my friend’s house, was sated. So much so that the bags of chips and bowls of (sugared) peanuts did not lure me away from the safety of my diet. I had the coffee… but that was it! Of course, I also had three Cuban cigars over the next five hours, so maybe I would have been distracted anyways!

    We left later than planned, owing to the fact that one of my friends’ girlfriends challenged me to darts. The last time she and I played (probably five years ago) I beat her soundly. I am never one to deny someone a rematch. While it was not stated in advance, I originally planned to plan a best-of-nine match, and that is how it worked out… with my coming out on top four games to three.

    It was nearly 11:30pm when we said our goodbyes and hit the road. It was now nearly six hours since my last meal replacement, and I once again started thinking about cheating. I was also thinking how tired I was, and how the sooner we got home, the better off we would be. No stops were made along the way. Arriving home shortly after midnight, I was hungry. I had my fifth and final meal replacement bar of the day, and then we went to bed.

    I should mention that while I likely did consume ‘enough’ water, I did not drink nearly as much as I have done over the last few days. Before I left for Strathroy, I drank a full bottle (74 ounces), and I took a cup with me (another sixteen ounces). That was all through by 1:00pm. I had a cup of coffee at Cam and Amanda’s, but no water. At Ryan’s I had a commercial bottle (probably 20 ounces), and when I got home, I drank another cup or so. All in all, probably 110 ounces. When I have been mostly sequestered at home, I am drinking over 200 ounces in a day. While I am not disappointed by 110 ounces of water (which is over 3 litres), I wonder if spreading that intake out better over the course of the day might be a better strategy. After all, nearly three quarters of that intake was before noon.

    I am proud of myself that I was able to make it through the day without a single cheat. I did drink more coffee than I normally would (five cups, rather than my usual 2.5), but that does not seem to have bothered my weight loss. The bathroom scale this morning has me down another 2.5 lbs from yesterday morning! I just wish I trusted it.

    I met my diet buddy yesterday! She came by early to pick up her share of the meal replacements that I had purchased for us the previous day. She is very nice, and while we were both in a rush (not only did we both have things to do, it was also 28°C below zero, so we did not want to linger out in the cold), I am sure we will at some point sit down for a coffee, or a glass of water, to discuss our progress. Our phone calls are helpful, but human contact might be more so… especially in these strange times when so many of us are working from home and not socializing much.

    Day 11 in my previous weight loss attempt made for an interesting read. It was the first time I ever documented that I was not optimistic about a future with Liza, despite the fact that I had moved from Ottawa, Canada to Los Angeles, California to be close with her, and it was that day that I was officially moving into her house. The relationship would last another seven months, but I was not really happy with her. In truth, I should have ended things with her much sooner than I did.

    On that day (Day 11), I had a conversation with someone on a Facebook support group about ketosis, and how not all calories are created equal. She had indulged in what she thought to be a 480-calorie indulgence at a particular fast-food restaurant. I had to explain to her that those calories not only contained a lot of sugars and chemicals that were unhealthy, but they were also nutritionally devoid of the nutrients her body needed, and that they were likely to affect (if not destroy) her ketosis, which meant the body would once again fight back against the process.

    On that day, I enumerated the benefits of doing the program while living alone over living with others who were not on the program. I have already called that out, so I won’t revisit it.

    It is interesting to see how many similarities there are in my thoughts and feelings at every point along the way. I think that is why I write… because if my three attempts at extreme weight loss have produced three similar experiences and thoughts and emotions, then it is likely that others will be having similar experiences, thoughts, and emotions… and it is nice to know that you are neither alone nor all that different from so many others.