Losing a part of me

I am ashamed to admit it, but I ate a bunch of crap last night. I had my dinner earlier than I should have, so my last shake of the night at about 7:30pm. I was not satisfied, so I added a meal replacement bar to the evening. I was still emotional, so I broke down and had a bag of popcorn.

I won’t go into the details, but sometimes we get emotional, sad, or whatever… and we veer from the program. I only hope it does not happen too often. I really have to get a handle on my emotions and exercise self-control.

I am fighting with Air Canada. I have a flight credit that dates to August of last year; they assured me that I would have an e-mail confirmation with the code in ten days. Six weeks later I had not received it, but I needed to use part of it, and after spending several hours on the phone with them, I was able to… and they assured me that within ten days I would receive an e-mail with the code for the balance. That was September 20, more or less. That is 209 days… slightly more than ten days, once again. I spent an hour on the phone with one of their agents who assured me (after nearly an hour) that within ten days I would receive an email about it. I told him that his company was lying, as they have historically lied about this issue. Try as I might, he would not let me speak with a supervisor or manager. I am absolutely furious.

My stress- and emotion-eating could have been worse. I was really tempted, especially after drafting my complaint letter to Air Canada, to go out and pick up… something. I don’t know if it would have been wings or a steak or whatever… it couldn’t be a pizza because of Passover, but it could have been a lot of things. I do not know what stopped me… other than knowing that I am going to the doctor’s office later this week, and I want to be able to reward myself after hitting that very important milestone; as bad as the crap that I ate was, it would only get worse if I didn’t stop.

I do not know how it happened, but despite all that I ate over and above what I should be eating, my weight was down this morning. While it is still .4 lb higher than my best weight (last Tuesday), I was happy to be down nearly one full pound this morning. If I am able to maintain my rate of progress, then later this week I will be rewarding myself… with a steak.

Yes, I said it. I have not had a steak since January. I told myself nearly a month ago that the day that I reach that milestone – losing enough to be able to weigh in on the doctor’s scale – that I would have a cheat day with a steak. I thought briefly about Buffalo wings or pizza or Chinese food… but all of those would have been too extreme. Yes, there are nearly 600 calories in an 10oz ribeye steak, which is more than I would eat in a meal on the program. It is a one-time reward… and I will enjoy it. I might wait until the weekend to enjoy it, but I will enjoy it nonetheless!

I have some work to do today on the course I am writing for the end of next week, and this evening I have class. Somewhere between this and that I have to go shopping… I am out of vegetables, but that’s about it. Maybe I will take the opportunity to go for a good walk, which I have not done since my first 10,000 step day a few weeks ago.

Have a great day!