Losing a part of me

I said something in a meeting on Friday last week that was haunting me yesterday. Fortunately, I got a good response from the head of the team I am working with. We were meant to have a meeting scheduled for today, and I had not heard back from them, so I started to worry that they took offense. When I got a meeting request from them this morning, it lightened my load somewhat. Yes, we are all good, and yes, I remember my French-Canadian slang. There are a few words in the dialect that can be used both gutturally, and to describe something in business as a disaster. I used one of those words to describe part of their systems, and it bothered me for a bit that I might have stepped over a line. The good news is that the people who implemented the systems are no longer with the company, so there should have been no personal insult. It all worked out.

I mentioned in yesterday’s article that I had toast for breakfast, and then after my walk, I had a sandwich for lunch. After that, I only had meal replacements. I hope that as of today I can be completely back on track. My last two weigh-ins were bad, but this morning I was back in the right direction. I am not quite back down to 315lbs, but I am close to it. With any luck, I will be able to stay on track today. No, luck has nothing to do with it. I have to stay on track, and blaming or crediting luck is silly, and possibly counterproductive.

This morning I walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I almost went for the last of the raisin challah from Rosh Hashana, which would have been delicious with some peanut butter. I picked it up… and I put it down. I prepared my meal replacement shake and a cup of coffee. There is no luck involved in weight loss, and there is no raisin challah either. I have said it before; however tasty and satisfying it would be, the satisfaction of weighing less tomorrow morning outweighs the tasty challah treat. I also know that this evening, Leslie and I are going to take her son for dinner this evening, and that will be my only meal. I said at the beginning of the holiday that I wanted to be back on track today. I meant it!

We have a meeting at the bank this morning, and then in the early afternoon I have a meeting with my customer. If that meeting ends when I expect it to, I will go for my walk in the afternoon. If it goes longer, I might have to forego the walking today, which I do not want to do. It may not be an addiction, but I still enjoy it. I also enjoy knowing that I am getting closer to my goals.

While walking yesterday, I was thinking about addictions. Why is it that it is so much easier to become addicted to food, booze, drugs, whatever than it is to get addicted to exercise and physical activity? Yes, the former are easier, but the latter is actually good for you, literally something that we need. It should be easier to get addicted to things that are good for you. After all, have you ever heard of anyone with a salad addiction? Of course not. I freely admit though that I am addicted to foods… and not the good foods. I am addicted to foods with little to no nutritional value whatsoever. That just sucks.

I understand the science behind the addiction. Sugar and salt are both substances that our bodies crave, and carbohydrates give us energy. That energy can be used for good – yesterday, after eating my toast with margarine, I hit the road and did a ten-kilometre walk. That energy can also be wasted, at which point the carbohydrates simply convert to fat, rather than burning off. The fact that I understand the science does not mean I am any less thrilled with the fact that salads and exercise are not easy addictions to come into, and that I would happily fight someone for a plate of Buffalo wings. Life is not fair.

Okay, so here’s the plan for the day: I had my meal replacement and am drinking my coffee. While preparing for my early afternoon meeting, I will have my second meal replacement. After that meeting, I will go for a walk – not as long as yesterday’s, especially knowing that it will be quite warm out, but a walk, nonetheless. I will come home, cool down, take a shower, and likely have a third meal replacement. When Leslie and the boy come home, we will decide what to do for dinner; it will most likely be sushi, but that will be their decision. I will go along with whatever they decide, and I will just try to make good decisions when we are at the restaurant. We will come home, and while Leslie spends some time with her son, I will either participate, or I will give them space. That will be based on how things go. By the time I get into bed, I will have ingested under 1,200 calories, and as few carbohydrates as possible. Sound good? If that works, then tomorrow morning I should once again be happy with the numbers on the bathroom scale.

Of course, if it were that easy, I would be slim already. That is why we say ‘One day at a time.’

Have a great day folks!