Losing a part of me

I completely fell off the wagon yesterday. Am still down a couple of ounces. It is a Boxing Day miracle!

I pulled the meal replacement bars out of the pantry, because I had planned to eat one on the way to Strathroy, so that I would not be tempted by the spread of finger foods that Cam and Amanda always put out. Pulling them out of the pantry is not the same as taking them with me. You see where this is going, right?

What saved me was the fact that all of the desserts had dairy, which I cannot eat after meat (or in this case, fowl). While it all looked wonderful, I decided that if I could not be true to my diet, I should at least be true to my religious beliefs. While everyone enjoyed Cool Whip pie and shortbreads and other yummies, I took a handful of cashews and pistachio nuts, which I enjoyed with my after-dinner coffee.

Today I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and I know what I have to do. I will stay on track today, and lunch will be a salad. If he opts for a restaurant where that is not an option, then I will abstain. I have plenty of leftover turkey that came home with me last night, so I don’t even have to cook. I will prepare a salad to go with it, and that will be that.

By this afternoon the weather should reach today’s forecast high of -2°, which means that it might be comfortable enough to enjoy a cigar on the balcony. We will see. Cam and Amanda gifted me a bottle of 14-year-old single malt whisky (they always know my size!) but I think I will abstain. I am still in the first week of taking medications that are designed to affect my mind, and I do not think that drinking alcohol is a good idea… at least not until I have seen the doctor after the second week. No, I will stick to coffee and tea, which considering the fact that it will be -2° and I will be sitting outside is probably not a bad idea anyways.

I have to acknowledge a couple of non-scale victories… or at least, changes in my behaviour this week:

First of all, as I sit at my desk typing, there is a pile of wrapped presents next to me… along with a large box of dark chocolate Chanukah gelt coins. Some of those coins are for my sons, some for friends who I will see later in the week. The old me – no, that is not right… I have not changed; Had I behaved the way I used to behave, I would have thought to open a bag (or two) of the gelt for a snack. These coins have been in the house since mid-November, but they have been on my desk for a week. I have not taken a single coin.

Second: I mentioned that I went to visit Eduardo Sunday evening. He had received from his family a fancy package of dried fruits and nuts, which he opened and put out for us to snack on while we enjoyed our cigars. At a certain point we were both done with them, and I decided to put them away. I know myself, and when there are finger foods (especially wonderful things like nuts and dried fruits) easily accessible, it does not matter that I have had enough… I will take more. Putting them away and out of reach (and out of sight) made it easier for me. When Eduardo told me I should take them home, I politely declined. He insisted, telling me that he would not eat them. I told him: ‘My friend, I thank you for your kindness. You know that I am on a diet, and I have a track record for not having great self control around food. If I take them home, I will eat them all in one sitting, as I have nobody watching. If you keep them here, you can offer them to me again the next time I visit, and I will eat some of them… because you are here, and I will be conscious of someone watching me so I will not gorge. That way, they may be here for two or three more visits. If I take them home, they will be finished before I go to sleep tonight.’

These two acts are things that I would not have done had I not been focusing on awareness. Focus and Awareness are two of my themes that I have called out these last few days as things that I have to work with. Whether the ADHD meds are helping with that or not, I do not know… but I am working on them, which is what I need to do.

Okay, I am off to the UPS Store. My godson loved the Lego set that I bought him for Christmas. Unfortunately, grandma and grandpa brought him the same set a couple of hours later; I gave him the option (which he took) of my taking it back and ordering him another set. This was done in consultation with his father (who is more obsessed with Lego than any adult I have ever met), so this time it should work out. I find it hilarious that when you return an item on Amazon (Canada) they ask you why you are returning it. Some of the options require you to pay return shipping costs, others do not. If you select an option that requires it, you can go back and select another. Also, I found it weird that they offer you the option to exchange, but the exchange items are from a limited list… none of which had anything to do with the original gift. No matter, the return is in progress, and the new kit will be delivered to Douglas at his home on Thursday.

Have a great day folks!