Day 402

I knew my weight was going to be up this morning before I even stepped onto the bathroom scale. I said to myself that as long as my weight remained below 275 lbs., then I would be happy. Okay, that is not entirely accurate… I said, ‘Please, at least be under 274.5 lbs.’ it was 274.6, which is exactly the same (my bathroom scale does 2/10ths and so that was as close as it would get. It is not that I was expecting to gain weight based on bad behaviour; it was a simple matter of the inaccuracies of yesterday’s weights, and that the fluctuations made me leery about the accuracy. Couple that with another day of terrible weather keeping me sequestered in the house, and an unproductive bowel movement, I end up .4 lb. heavier this morning than I was yesterday. Tomorrow will be lower – it is simply not possible to consume under 950 calories in a day and not lose weight. I just have to be patient about it.

I noticed in the night that my hips are aching a little. These are the hips that until recently were completely insulated by layers of fat, which I can now feel. The aches are not significant, and they are not keeping me awake. I suspect they are just making me aware of some of the changes that my body has gone through… and continues to go through. There have been other aches over the last few months. Most of these I have written about in these pages but are now behind me. I am sure that if there were pains that were significant and lasting enough, I would have discussed them with my doctor. I do see him at least once every month, and I think I have been doing a good job of keeping him in the loop. When I started on this journey, I knew that medical supervision would be important, and that would not simply be about watching the numbers on the scale drop. There are side-effects of dramatic weight loss that need to be watched, and not all of them are predictable. Add to that the fact that even while I was still morbidly obese, I was doing a lot more exercise than might be prescribed, and you have a body dropping a huge amount of weight that needs to be watched closely by medical professionals. Don’t get me wrong… it is great to get the encouragement and pats on the back from the nurse whenever I dropped a significant amount of weight. That was never why I asked to see them on a regular basis. It is for these aches and pains that arise from tremendous changes. If my hips are still bothering me at my next appointment, then I will discuss it with him.

I mentioned a couple of times that Leslie and I discussed the end game… what I will look like, how she can support me, and so on. Another big component that we discussed that is less pleasant is that I will likely need surgery to remove excess skin. Yes, as unpleasant a thought as it is, my skin has been stretched over the last twenty-five years to support between a huge amount of excess body mass. While it might once have, it is unlikely that at my age it will have the elasticity to bounce back to what it should be. When I first went through the orientation for the program in 2017, this was something that they discussed. I looked around the room and thought to myself that the people there were older, larger, and much more out of shape than I am… it would apply to them, but not to me. In 2020 I was with a woman who pointed out that what I thought was still fat was also partly loose skin. Whether it would have applied to me at the time or not, it almost certainly will now. I am not excited about that. I do not like surgery for anything, but to have excess skin removed so that my body doesn’t look like a deflated balloon… yeah, that’s certainly unsettling.

In a couple of hours, I am going to spend time with a couple of friends smoking cigars. The original plan was for me to spend the afternoon in Cambridge with a buddy (doing precisely that), but he texted me last night to cancel. Fortunately, Sam and Eduardo are available, and I will only have to drive to Milton instead of Cambridge. The only difference is that Princess Sophie won’t come to Milton… we smoke at Sam’s business, and it is not really appropriate to bring her. She will get to relax at home, and maybe the neighbour will grab her for a playdate with Charlie. In the meantime, I am going to stick to the program. Gaining .4 lb. this morning is not going to put me off the program. The one thing I will remember is that the last time I drove up there, I picked up a coffee at Starbucks… and it was horrible. I suspect they mixed two different blends, and I did not enjoy it at all. I will decide if I am going to make coffee here or pick up a cup on the way… but make sure they give me the right blend. We’ll see… it is nice to have the change, but they have to make it right!

Stay on track, stay focused. I only wish I had not planned better – while I can mix my shake in the blender bottle, I much prefer the consistency of it when I make it in the blender. I won’t have a choice for my second meal replacement of the day, so I will bring the proper implements to mix it at Sam’s place. It will not be the biggest compromise I have to make in this program, and I will do it gladly. I only hope that Sam has ice cubes in the freezer… they do taste better ice cold! Speaking of which, I finished the case of water that I always keep in the car. I will make a point to pick a new case up today. I also think I will need to pick up some more coffee… I am not quite out, but I am low enough that if I have to be at the supermarket anyways to pick up water, I might as well pick up coffee at the same time.

Okay folks, I am going to get to it. I have about thirty minutes of paperwork that I want to get done before I head out, so I should stop procrastinating. Also, now that I think of it, I am not sure if I am able to pick up my shoes from the cobbler today, or if it is next Saturday that they will be ready. I only remember that I was relieved that I will have them back in time to bring them to Dallas. I’ll try to call and confirm.

Have a great day folks!

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