Losing a part of me

Welcome to Dallas! After three restful hours of sleep, I kicked out of bed at 2:05am to get ready so that fifty minutes later I would alight the back seat of an Uber to take me to the airport. It had not occurred to me that March Break is starting, and that the airport would be a madhouse. No matter, I got through – despite much longer lines than usual at every step – and was safely ensconced in a restaurant in Terminal 3 ordering breakfast at 5:05am. This was my first meal of my cheat day, and I ordered a breakfast wrap (which I had to specify no meat) and a cup of coffee. As the only dairy option for the coffee was cream I drank it black; I realized as I drank it that the coffee that I did not like at Starbucks had not been bad, so much as now that I am drinking it without any sugar, and often black, I am just more discriminating. On my way to the gate I did stop at Starbucks where I was able to grab a coffee with oat milk to take onto the airplane; this blend (True North) was much more pleasant than the Pike Place blend that I did not like the other day. It could also be that after the diner coffee it was just that much better in comparison.

I cheated on the airplane, but I knew well in advance that I would. I bought a bag of salt and vinegar flavoured Pop Chips, as well as a tin of Lays (of the same flavour). I had some of each, but when I had my fill, I threw both of the containers out. I was not sure if I would be doing that but am glad that I did.

My weight on the bathroom scale was up slightly from yesterday, but that was expected; I usually weigh myself around 8:15am, a full ten or eleven hours after my last meal replacement. At 2:30am I was scarcely five hours past my last shake. Last night I told Leslie that I knew that this morning’s weigh-in would be meaningless. Even so, I still expect tomorrow I will be up a full two pounds from this morning. Today is a real cheat day! Leslie and I are dressing up and going for our sushi indulgence this evening, which is fast becoming a tradition for my first night in town. I will settle down tomorrow and will be much better over the next few days. Yes, I am off the full-fast program, but that does not mean that I plan to let myself go on this trip. I will be having two meal replacements every day, a very reasonable lunch (as I did today with my Thai tofu salad from Salad and Go), and a proper evening meal. I will be planning almost every meal in advance, whether we are cooking at home or eating out. Starting tomorrow I will also be working out every day, whether that be in the gym or out for a jog. My goal for this trip has always been to gain no more than two pounds, and I know that I can do that if I am smart… and ever mindful.

I am tired today, but that is to be expected. Even after a proper night’s sleep I am always tired from traveling, so with the short sleep and long lines at the airport I would not expect otherwise. Still, I am thrilled to be here. Leslie and I are finally together again, and whatever fatigue I might be experiencing it counterbalanced by the excitement of that. We belong together, and we will make the most of this week.

Today is the first day in a while that my plan is not to stick to the program, but I am not sorry for it. I have been planning for today and have been so regimented these last few weeks. The key is to not go overboard… and to get back on track tomorrow.

Leslie was shocked when she put her arms around me today. We were snuggling and she was amazed by how well I have been doing. She saw me a scant five weeks ago and is amazed at the progress since then, to say nothing of how much smaller I feel to her from when I was at my heaviest. While she is not the only reason I am on this journey, she is certainly among the top three reasons. I want to look better for her – she deserves that. She also deserves to have a husband and lover who can… well, do better with less than I could ever do with more. In June I told her that as I lost weight I would be much more into certain activities that I will not discuss here. On my last visit I reminded her of that conversation; she told me she was not sure at the time that she believed me but was pleasantly surprised that I was right. It will just keep getting better babe… I promise!

Have a great day folks!