Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 235

    The numbers on the scale were absolutely terrible today. I am glad I am home… and back on track.

  • Day 234

    I slept in this morning, which means that I will be late getting going. I am still going to try to get a walk in, but it will not be as adventurous as I was hoping. That might also have to do with the fact that my legs are a bit stiff from yesterday.

  • My Second Ten

    I was not pushing myself for speed today, as my first kilometre demonstrated way too clearly, with an abysmal 11m02s pace. I picked it up after that, with only one of the next nine kilometres paced over 10m10s.

    It felt good to record my second ten-kilometre walk knowing that I could have gone longer. I did not want to push myself too hard, or at least not further than I actually did.

    • Distance: 10km (8.21km)
    • Duration: 1:41:33 (1:24:56)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:08 (10:20)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m44s (10m02s)
    • Steps: 12.6k (10.3k)
    • Calories burned: 1,188 (971)
    • Elevation gain: 62.7 (53)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 124 (122)

    I was disappointed to look back to look back to July 25th, my first 10-km walk, and see that I actually did not break my time for that distance. I missed it by only six seconds, which means that my disastrous first kilometre made the difference. I am not going to lose any sleep over that; it was an excellent walk, and my elevation gain was much higher today than then. Of course, I need to remember that for the first 1500m of my walk, my knee was bothering me. I am going to see about picking up an ace bandage to wrap it for tomorrow’s walk.

    One thing that I thought for a minute might have made a difference was that I was wearing long training pants. Normally I am wearing shorts, which are not only lighter, they are much less constricting on my legs. That could have been a factor, but knowing how well I was able to pick up the pace after that first kilometre, I suspect it was not as much a factor as I thought at the time.

    King Charles III just finished his first public speech as the monarch, and he spoke well. I am not sure what to think of him, knowing that there have been so many negative stories around him throughout his life. I do know that aside from being our new King, he is a son who lost his mother and is mourning. I hope that he does well as our monarch, but today I wish him my condolences as a mourner.

    I am going to head out to lunch, and then to the cemetery. On reflection, I do not think that I will be heading to a cigar lounge this evening, but will stay close to home. After all, there will be less temptation to drink with my cigars here.

    Have a great day folks… and G-d save the King.

  • Day 233

    Okay, so I did not write about my walk yesterday. That is in no way meant as commentary that I did not walk, or did not have a good walk. I got back and realized that if I did not get ready and leave immediately, I would be late for my lunch engagement.

    I did not break any records on my walk yesterday, but it was a good and respectable outing. I did not break the ten-minute mark for any kilometre, let alone my average. I was walking on a knee that I was worried about, and did not want to aggravate it.

    • Distance: 8.21km (8.5km)
    • Duration: 1:24:56 (1:24:24)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:20 (9:55)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 10m02s (9m45s)
    • Steps: 10.3k (10.3k)
    • Calories burned: 971 (1,033)
    • Elevation gain: 53 (56)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 122 (120)

    Hearing at lunch that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II passed away was devastating for me. Many people do not realize that she was the Queen of Canada, as well as of the United Kingdom. She has been a constant presence in my life, with her face on the coins that I played with as a very young child. While I am sure it was not unanimous, I believe that her style and class made her universally loved and respected around the world. Long live King Charles III, but his mother will be missed.

    I have no plans for today. Yes, I will go for my walk shortly, after which I will come back to the house, shower, and then I will drive to the cemetery, where I will spend a couple of hours talking with my father. I will probably take a cigar to smoke with him, but we will see. I will probably have Lebanese food for lunch, which I think he would appreciate. Of course, he would be calling it Israeli food, which is just fine by me.

    In the evening, I might go to one of the cigar lounges I used to hang out at here… either Dreamcatcher (on the Kahnawake native territory), or Stogies downtown. More likely, I will sit on the patio here, reading my book, and quietly smoking a cigar alone. I am sure there are more friends in Montreal that I would like to see, but I cannot think of anyone right now.

    Tomorrow, as long as my knee is still cooperating, I plan to go for a walk on Mount Royal in the morning. At the end of my walk, I will go back to Esti’s house, shower, and then buy her lunch. She had laser eye surgery yesterday, otherwise I might have done all of that today. There is a difference between getting into the car all sweaty and driving five minutes to her house versus driving nearly an hour to get here. I suspect that if I do that too often, my car will begin to smell like a gym locker… and we cannot have that, especially not ahead of my five-plus hour drive back to Burlington.

    As I sit here writing, I decided to be somewhat luxuriant. I poured myself a second cup of coffee, which is absolutely normal (as indeed would be the third cup) back home, but has not been my habit since arriving in Quebec. I think it has been mainly the timing issue that has prevented it, and I am wondering if that might be one of the reasons I have been having trouble sticking to the parameters of my weight management program since Tuesday. I know that some people think coffee is only coffee, but it is actually a drug that affects your body and attitude throughout the day. I know that yesterday afternoon I met my friend Jess for coffee (at a very nice café in the Plateau de Montreal area), and I had a pastry with it. I do not blame the pastry on my coffee imbalance, rather on my mourning the passing of the monarch. With that said, I have made a few wrong decisions these last few days, and I wonder… and I hope that my daily walks will at least keep my weight from slipping too badly on this trip.

    I should mention that while I was not great on my weight management plan yesterday, I could have done worse. My father’s friend Arnie and I met for lunch at the Snowdon Delicatessen; rather than ordering the large Montreal smoked meat platter with fries, I ordered a bowl of chicken soup with a matza ball and a salmon salad sandwich. Arnie ordered a plate of French fries which he encouraged me to share, so I had a few… and I only did that because he doused them with vinegar. Really good fries with vinegar are one of my kryptonites! Even so, I ate much better there than I could have… and normally would have.

    Okay, I have used my writing to procrastinate enough. I just sipped the last sip of my coffee, and I should hit the pavement. I will grab my sunglasses and my water bottle, and I will turn on my music. As is my habit, I will first listen to the CBC news, but I think I can guess what that broadcast will be focused on. I miss her too.

    See you soon folks!

  • Day 232

    I had a nice day yesterday after my walk, even though a lot of things got turned around. I had a very decent lunch at a Lebanese restaurant, after which I went to see my friends Caryl and Lawrence. They have a fourteen-week-old puppy named Miss Lucy who is absolutely adorable, and filled with all of the puppy energy and love that puppies of that age will have. She and I got along just fine!

    I was on my way to Stephane’s house for the evening when he texted and suggested I come over at 9:00pm – it was currently 6:00pm. I rerouted and came back to my friends’ house, where I had a meal replacement soup (which I have not done in a long time), and had a great conversation with my wife before heading over there.

    The plan for today involves a meal that I have to be careful with. I am meeting my late father’s best friend for lunch at Snowdon Delicatessen, which has Potential For Weight Management Disaster written all over the menu. I will not be ordering a large smoked meat platter with French fries. While I do not know what my options are there, I do know that they do have healthier choices on the menu. They may not be healthy, but they are healthier.

    After that, I am meeting my friend Jess on Mount Royal Avenue for a coffee. It will be nice to see her, save for two things: She is going to give me grief for not bringing Princess Sophie, and she is going to try to press me to tell her why I went dark over the summer. She will not be the first to do that, and I hope I am able to gently convince her that I am not discussing it.

    My evening plans are up in the air, but one of the cigar boys from last night suggested he might invite me over for a coffee. We will see. I understand he makes a truly world class cup of coffee, and I am looking forward to trying it… but doing so in the evening may prove counterproductive to my ability to sleep tonight.

    Everyone in my local cigar clique is excited about the herf this weekend, which is the original reason I planned this trip to Montreal. It will be nice to see everyone, but when Mark asked me yesterday if I was excited about it, my honest answer was that I am not. I know I will enjoy it, but excited? No. I am excited that in two weeks I will be with my wife. This is just another gathering of friends (and several people I do not know) to smoke cigars and enjoy a barbecue. As I cannot really partake in the food part of the festivities, that leaves the friends and the cigars. Most of the people who will be there that I am actually friends with (and not just people that I know) were at Stephane’s house last night… and we smoked cigars. Yes, I will go. Yes, I know I will have a great time when I am there. Excited? No.

    I am kitted out to go for my walk. I am going to pay attention to my right knee, which I noticed last night has what feels like a bruise right in the middle of it. As I do not remember smashing it on anything, I have to assume that it is something else. Knees are funny things, and I do not want to mess around with this. I will remember the two things that I forgot yesterday though… I will take my water and my sunglasses, which will combine for a more comfortable walk than yesterday’s.

    I will write about it upon my return!

  • Island Walking

    It is funny what we do not pay attention to when we are driving. Of course, I am always aware of pedestrians and bicycles; I have probably spent more than one hundred nights at my friends’ house in Notre-Dame-de-l’Île-Perrot (just off the island of Montreal), and it never occurred to me, as I tried to think where to walk around here, that there is a walking path right outside the house. This quaint town is actually replete with them, and I will be exploring them more as my stay progresses.

    My walk this morning ended at 8.5 km, and I could have done more if I felt like it. If I am feeling this good tomorrow, I will try for ten kilometres. However, I will do it without forgetting one important item… Despite having prepared it, I left my water bottle at home, and so I did not drink until I got home (at which point I drained my bottle, and another). It was a sunny day, and the temperature was around 22° Celsius, which is not prohibitive by any measure. If I had been uncomfortably thirsty, I would have stopped to buy a bottle at any of the convenience stores that I passed along the way.

    • Distance: 8.5km (9.2 km)
    • Duration: 1:24:24 (1:27:44)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:55 (9:29)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m45s (9m10s)
    • Steps: 10.3k (11.4k)
    • Calories burned: 1,033 (1,127)
    • Elevation gain: 56 (27.8)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 120 (128)

    I only broke the record for elevation today because most of the time I am walking around Burlington or Dallas, two very flat cities. In contrast, Montreal and the surrounding areas are anything but. Because of that, I am thinking that tomorrow or Friday I might end up at Mount Royal, and go for a walk on the mountain trails. That would be a nice walk, and one that I used to do quite a bit when I was living here, and when I was living in Toronto but visiting here a lot.

    I am going to get my lunch, and then go visit my friends Caryl and Lawrence. They adopted a new puppy, and I am looking forward to meeting her. This evening I will spend a few hours smoking cigars with Stephane, which is always a good time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 231

    Wow did I fall off the wagon yesterday. Driving days are usually hard for me, but yesterday went off the rails when my buddy called and told me that his wife was sick and that I should not come over in the evening. It was sitting with my friends who offered me all sorts of delicacies that things went south. I have to do better today. I will do better today.

    I slept really well last night. The drive was long, and by the time bedtime came around I was out like a light. This I still woke up to pee a couple of times, but that was not the worst thing in the world. When I finally checked my watch, it was 9:00am, which is nearly unheard of for me… especially when there is a floof who wants to go for a walk at a reasonable hour.

    I got dressed in my walking kit this morning, and that is what I am going to do. I do not know what the route will be, but if I get somewhere between five and eight kilometres in then I will consider it a successful walk. I did not bring as many workout kits as I thought, so I will have to do laundry if I plan to work out more than 2-3 times. I’m okay with that… as are my friends with whom I am staying.

    In the afternoon, I will see Stephane for a cigar, and then I will visit with Caryl and Lawrence for a couple of hours. After that, who knows? I only know I have to avoid bad foods. I will likely have Lebanese food for dinner, which is not very healthy, but is reasonably safe.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 230

    As I gushed with Leslie yesterday about the massive weight loss I achieved over the previous day, I did tell her that I was resigned to the fact that I knew that I would be giving some of that back today. Nonetheless, I ate well yesterday. I did not veer from my normal weight management program, enjoying three meal replacements and one meal throughout the day. I also went for a great record-breaking walk. All this to say that as I lay in bed last night, I was still holding out home in my secret heart that I might actually hold my weight. After stepping onto my scale this morning, I realized I had not held it. Indeed, I was down… nearly another full pound.

    Dropping below the 315 lbs threshold was an amazing way to start my day, but again I am not going to hold my breath that it will hold. Fortunately, I will not be weighing myself again until Monday, when I am back from Montreal. My hope is that I will maintain my current weight over the five-day trip; hoping to actually lose weight is more than I will hope for.

    I chatted for a few moments yesterday with one of the organizers of a party that I am going to on Saturday. I asked what foods would be served, mostly because I do not want to be at a party that only serves non-kosher foods, but also because I suspected there might not be any healthy options for me. I was okay on the first, but from what I can tell, there will not be a lot of diet-friendly foods available. I will do my best to stick to my meal replacements, but I also know that if I have a little bit of bad foods in moderation then it will not be the end of the world. It will give me incentive to try to be good the rest of the week… and even if I am, I cannot hope to succeed if I go overboard. My goal is to not go overboard.

    We are less than a month from the Yom Kippur holiday. It is a day when we spend the day in synagogue praying and asking G-d’s forgiveness. Last year, I attended services online. I just do not have a connection to the Jewish community where I live, whereas I have a very close one to the community in California, where I used to live. That is where I was two years ago, and that is where I will be for Yom Kippur this year. I was thinking this morning how nice it would be if I could attend services weighing 305 lbs. Two years ago, I weighed 260 lbs when I attended. I know that was a fateful and terrible day for my diet – it was the day that my steady weight loss came to an abrupt halt, and my fall into failure began. It started with a cookie and a shot of tequila. That will not happen this year.

    I doubt that I will be able to comfortably attend services wearing the same suit I wore then, but I do plan to wear that suit just a few weeks later. There is a picture of me from 2020, coincidentally at the synagogue, wearing that suit for the first time in three years. I remember clearly weighing 298 lbs and being thrilled that I was able to wear it. If all goes well, Leslie is coming to Canada for American Thanksgiving, and I would like to take her out to dinner wearing that suit. I love looking good for her, and I happen to know that she has a bit of a thing for a well-dressed man. For the first time in a couple of years I feel that I am within reach of being able to be that. I always did it for myself – I quite enjoy putting on a suit and tie – but this time I want to do it for her. She deserves me looking my absolute best.

    It is about time for me to pack up and drive to Montreal. I will be there several days, and again I have to remember that my fitness walking must be a regular part of my daily routine. I am packing several sets of workout clothes, and because it is September in Canada, I recognize that this will require several permutations, including shorts and long training pants, and long sleeve shirts as well as short sleeves. What a pain. At least the drive will be mostly relaxing… I have no deadlines to hit, so I can stop and smell the roses as it were. After an hour on the phone with the Quebec Ministry of Justice, I think I have submitted my request for my divorce certificate properly, but again, it is Quebec… so who knows? I am taking my passport and birth certificate, just in case I get a notice that I am missing a … I don’t know what.

    If all goes well with that, the next few days will be a lot more relaxing and enjoyable than I originally suspected they might be, and I will be able to just chill, walk, and enjoy the company of friends.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Break Em Again!

    The weather has to play a big factor in my walking performance. Frankly, so does how well rested I am between walks. I have had eight days of rest since my last outing, and with a very light drizzle, the temperature was hovering around 20° Celsius… and I broke the record for the three most important stats that I track: Best overall average pace, best split-pace kilometre, and best overall average cadence. I happen to know, from having looked down at my watch at exactly the right moment, that my best per-mile was also shattered, at 14m49s.

    • Distance: 9.2 km (7 km)
    • Duration: 1:27:44 (1:09:46)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:29 (9:58)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m10s (9m40s)
    • Steps: 11.4k (8.5k)
    • Calories burned: 1,127 (832)
    • Elevation gain: 27.8 (31)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 128 (122)

    I was noticing a few things about myself as I walked. My belly does not appear to be jiggling like it did. While I know it is slightly smaller, I suspect that I am holding it firmer than I used to. As well, when I am walking, I keep my jaw very clenched. I am going to have to figure out what to do about that… although I suspect it is not the worst thing in the world.

    My first eight kilometres all registered under 10m00… and while my best (and record-breaking) split-pace kilometre was actually kilometre six, I actually broke my previous best on four of them and tied it on one more.

    I was really pushing myself today, to be sure… but there is another factor that I cannot discount the importance of. I am simply carrying less weight than I was. The more weight that I lose, the less weight that I am carrying, the better walking performances I register. It is as simple as that, so I expect that over the next eight weeks or so – before the first snows come – I will be breaking even more records.

    This morning Leslie was talking to me about the pace of my weight loss. She is truly amazed by my progress, and that I have stuck with it. She noted that if I keep it up, I should be under the 300-pound mark by New Years Eve. I told her that if I keep up my current pace, I will hit that mark sometime in the next nine weeks. My logic: From July 6 to August 24, a seven-week period, I lost 13lbs on the doctor’s scale. I am less than sixteen pounds from that mark now, so nine weeks is a fair estimate. If it is ten weeks, then that’s life… but I would like to do it by November 22nd if I can… and I would really like to be able to wear my blue suit on that day, for reasons I will discuss later.

    As long as I do not fall off the wagon, it looks like I will be able to call the year 2022 The Year I Lost 100-Pounds. Wouldn’t that be something?

    As I mentioned earlier, I am going to Montreal for a few days tomorrow. It has been a few years since I have done this, but I have to remember to schedule fitness walking into my daily routine there. I will bring the appropriate outfits (including training pants, a windbreaker, and a hat of some sort), but I have to force myself to do it. Whether that is around the outskirts of the city where I am staying, or if I drive up to Mount Royal, park my car there, and walk on the mountain… I have to keep exercising. It is bad enough that this trip will interfere with my Taekwondo plans, I cannot let it break my fitness regimen, which has already been broken these last couple of weeks. I am not going to push myself to my limits, but I do want to get my walking in… especially since I will likely have a couple of not-entirely-healthy meals while I am there.

    It is time to hit the showers, and then make myself a meal replacement. The weather is not the greatest, but it is still nice enough that I can put on a sweatshirt and sit out on the balcony with a cigar. That is how I will spend my evening. Make sure you enjoy yours!

  • Day 229

    Happy Labour Day to all! It is ironic that on the Canadian civil holiday in August, I was teaching for an American company, so I did not get the day off. Today is an international holiday, but I am not on a contract so my day is no different than any other day, other than that the stores are closed, and I cannot go shopping… which is a good thing, I suppose.

    Yesterday in the late afternoon I had a panic/stress/anxiety episode. I wanted to cheat. I texted my wife that my defenses were failing me, and that I wanted to go out to eat, splurge, and indulge. Within minutes, my phone rang, and she talked me down from it. Actually, she reminded me that I had homemade baba ghanoush in the fridge, as well as a container of cherry tomatoes. I sat talking with her as I dipped my tomatoes into the eggplant, and when the tomatoes were finished, so was my desire to jump off the weight loss wagon.

    Later in the evening, Leslie asked me how my cravings were. I told her that I intentionally smoked a second cigar in the evening to help distract me from them, and my plan must have worked because not only did I not eat as I smoked (which I seldom do), I also did not have another meal replacement. My food intake for the day consisted of my morning meal replacement shake, my regular chicken and salad for lunch, a handful of peanuts, and a small box of cherry tomatoes with baba ghanoush. All in all, a reasonably health day’s food intake for a man on a weight loss regimen.

    I should mention that it really paid off, putting a huge smile on my face when I stepped onto the scale this morning. I mentioned yesterday that I was not surprised to have gained a pound following Saturday’s intake. This morning, I had not only recovered that pound, but was an incredible 2.4-pound drop from yesterday morning, taking me into lowest-weight territory once again. I assure you that this morning I did not try to step off the scale, and then re-weigh myself hoping for a better result!

    I have not been for a fitness walk since I am back from Dallas, owing partly to the weather, but mostly to a turned ankle. I am going to give it a go today, right after lunch. The forecast calls for cloudy and a high of 20° Celsius (68° Fahrenheit), which will be comfortable enough to wear shorts, even though I wore jeans and a long sleeve shirt to take Her Floofness on her walk this morning.

    Speaking of Princess Sophie, this evening I am going to take her to my neighbour’s for a few days. Tomorrow I am going to drive to Montreal for a few days, and while I would normally drop her off in the morning, Sue is leaving for her office early tomorrow, so it is just easier for me to drop her off tonight. I am going to miss her, but I know she will be in good hands… and will get plenty of walks, and treats, and love… and lots of play time with her best friend Charlie!

    I had thought for a bit that I would not be sticking to my meal replacement program while I am in Montreal. I thought that it would be a good opportunity to cheat. I do not know what made me think that, but I will not be indulging in Montreal bagels, smoked meat, and other local delicacies while I am there. I do not even know what made me think about it, but I know that it would be a terrible idea.

    I sometimes feel like I really do have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, like you see in old movies. For a couple of days, the devil was whispering how nice it would be to have those foods that I love so much, and that I will only be in Montreal for a few days, so what’s the harm? Look how well I have been doing! Don’t I deserve it?

    On my other shoulder, the harp-playing angel is saying ‘Yes, exactly! Look how well I have been doing! Why would I want to spoil it by indulging in so many of those foods that made me fat in the first place? Don’t I deserve to feel healthy, to fit into smaller and nicer clothes, to look better? Don’t I deserve to feel better, to be healthier, and to probably live longer? What’s more, doesn’t Leslie deserve all of those things mentioned of me?

    I do not know if this is the first time ever that my better angels are shouting down the devils… and winning. I also do not know how long that will last… but I am going to do my best to always nurture those angels and muting the devils. It will not always work, but I am going to try to continue to succeed, and I can only succeed by listening to those angels.

    I realized just now that I have been all excited to get back to Taekwondo this week, and then remembered that I am going to be in Montreal from tomorrow through Sunday. I completely forgot that I need to extend my trip so that I can take care of a couple of errands. I do not relish the idea of having to visit the courthouse, but I need a document from there, and expect there will be bureaucratic delays in getting it, and so I will leave tomorrow and not Thursday or Friday. Oh well.

    I have to be cognizant of the fact that five days in Montreal would give me a lot more opportunity to cheat on my diet, and that doing so would hurt nobody but me. I have to be as good as I can be and stay as strong as possible. I recognize that I will be having a few meals with others and will be as diligent as I can be to eat well… or as well as I can. I will pack extra meal replacements, just to be safe.

    Have a great day folks!