Losing a part of me

Category: Choices

  • Day 61

    Welcome to a brand-new week! It is going to be a lovely day today, and so when I am not working (and I do have some work to do during the day) I plan to be sitting outside enjoying the sunshine. I heard good news from the wife of my dad’s friend yesterday that he is recovering nicely, and we are all thankful for that.

    Yesterday was another good-food, questionable quantities day. I had more chicken than I should have, but otherwise I ate well. After dinner, I was still a bit peckish; I thought about having a meal replacement bar, but I decided instead to have a glass of water and a cigar on the balcony. One thing I need to always remember – not only during my weight loss, but forever – is that the message from our stomach that we are full can take 20 minutes to reach our brain, and so we might still think we are hungry long after we are satisfied. Remembering that last night worked. I had a meal replacement shake in the mid-evening, and I finished the day well. Oh, I should also mention that I went to Bulk Barn to pick up a few things, and I added a small handful of red-skinned peanuts (unsalted) to my order to nibble in the car. Some of the other things that I bought or could have bought were much worse than that, and I did not feel bad picking up the 20-or-so peanuts.

    Any day that my bathroom scale registers a steep drop (as it did yesterday morning) I expect that it will even out the following day. This morning I stepped onto the scale expecting to see a slight gain, despite being mostly good yesterday. The fact is that yesterday morning I was down nearly 1.5 pounds, and 4 pounds since Thursday. I was extremely happy that I did not give back any of it this morning… I did not lose any more, but I did not gain either. I’ll take it! If I can keep it up, within the next week to ten days I should be able to weigh myself on the doctor’s scale… even with my clothes on!

    I do quite a bit of shopping on Facebook Marketplace, and yesterday I made what many (including myself) would consider the oddest purchase I have ever made online. I bought a clarinet. If you are wondering, the answer is no, I do not play the clarinet. I do, however, have a girlfriend who plays… but I think she has one. Amanda, on the other hand, does not. A couple of weeks ago when I was at their place for dinner, Amanda was lamenting that Cam did not take the hint to buy her one for Christmas… and so I bought her one for her birthday (which was Friday). Yes, I had sent her flowers, but I thought that she would appreciate it… and the jab at my buddy Cam would be a bit of fun.

    My plans for the day are to stick to the program and try to make it through to the end of the day with no cheats. I bought a beautiful cut of salmon for dinner; I usually buy the tail (which is much cheaper), but the middle cut was on sale, so I decided to splurge. I will marinate it in lemon juice with some salt and black pepper, and when it comes out of the air fryer, I will sprinkle it liberally with fresh dill. It should make for a delicious meal, with a generous salad to accompany it.

    Have a great day folks, and enjoy the weather!

  • Day 59

    I have not looked back on my previous journal for a few weeks. I do not know why I stopped; maybe it is because the program that I am doing now bears some resemblance to the strict cheatless meal-replacements-only program that I was following the last couple of times. Perhaps it is because I saw how much weight I had lost (I was averaging one pound per day over the first couple of months) and decided that it was disheartening, knowing that as we approach the two-month mark of my journey, I am nearly 35-pounds down, and not the 60-pounds I would have been last time.

    Yesterday was a day of very reasonable cheating. I was meaning to drive to Brantford and then straight home, but as I prepared to return, I got a message from Lyle asking me to come to his house instead of meeting me here. Okay, no problem. Well… one problem. I would have to eat. Not wanting to put out Lyle and Dorothy, I stopped at a convenience store and got an all-beef pepperoni stick. When I arrived, this being the day after St. Patrick’s Day, Lyle offered me a plate of homemade corned beef. I took two slices with some mustard. We went outside for our first of two cigars, and I did not feel at all bad smoking his high-end cigars, as I usually force my high-end cigars on him!

    Between cigars, he offered me one of Dorothy’s cookies. How could I resist? It was wonderful, and I do not feel guilty about it. Okay, I might feel a little guilty about it, but I ate it and enjoyed it. Dorothy is an exceptional baker, and the mix of dark chocolate, dates, figs, and nuts made it worth the cheat. I enjoyed a second exceptional cigar, and then stopped in at the supermarket before coming home for the evening.

    I had my regular dinner of chicken and salad when I got home, and I took HRF Princess Sophie out for a couple more walks before the evening was done. For the first time since before I broke my ankle (in November), I am now over 6,000 steps per day. This is likely due to four factors:

    · I broke my ankle and could not walk for nearly two months.

    · My gout has been bothering me a lot.

    · It has been cold (often bitterly so); and

    · I was heavier than I have ever been, and walking was harder than ever on my feet, knees, and the rest of me.

    My doctor has told me that I need to be exercising, and frankly I did not need him to point that out to me. Of course I need to exercise! He also pointed out that simply walking my dog would not be enough, because most dogs (especially smaller dogs) do not walk at the undisturbed pace that I would need to consider it beneficial. I think that next weekend I am going to start. Why wait? While both my feet and my knees are better than they were, I still feel a little tinge in my left knee, and I want to give it a few more days to heal. What I will say is that for the 6,000 steps that I am taking in a day now, I am doing them at a more comfortable pace than I was even a week ago (because of the gout), and certainly more so than a few weeks ago, when the gout, the knee, and the weight were huge factors. I know that as I lose more weight, the pace will get easier still.

    The plan for today is to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan and the gang. I finally remembered to bring my darts, and Cara is in for a lesson… I always beat her with the random darts I pick up there… let’s see how I do with my own set! They asked if I would stay for dinner, and that is always an uncomfortable question for me. I do not like having to say, ‘I’m sorry, your food is incompatible with my diet program.’ When they told me they are serving pork chops, the refusal was easy! I will bring a couple of meal replacements, and when we get home later this evening, I will make a salad with some chicken.

    The forecast for the next seven days shows rain (or flurries) five of them, but at least the temperatures are warming up. I know that early spring is always going to be rainy, but that’s the price we pay for green summers. I’ll enjoy it… especially with the knowledge that my balcony is covered.

  • Day 55

    A demonstration of willpower: Last week, I went to Costco. I picked up several items for myself, and knowing how much she loves them, I bought a bag of dried mangos for Leslie. That was Friday. Today is Tuesday, and I have still not opened the bag. Three months ago, the bag would not only be open, but it would also be nearly finished.

    I was able to get through Monday mostly according to plan. Breakfast shake, canned salmon on a salad for lunch, chicken and salad for dinner, and an evening meal replacement bar. I am trying to think if I had another shake in there somewhere, but I do not think so. It was, overall, a good diet day. Despite all this, the bathroom scale still registered my weight higher than the previous day.

    I am not going to get discouraged by the numbers on the scale – not when I am nearly eleven pounds down in the last ten days. Weight loss success must be judged based on trends, not individual registers on a chart. I will stay the course today, changing nothing from yesterday.

    My foot is still in pain, but it is a different pain. I am not sure if it is independent of the gout, or if it was never gout to begin with. I doubt that, as the colchicine really did make a difference. I will keep track of it now through my next doctor’s appointment and will make a point to discuss it with him.

    I have a few errands to run today, including a dental appointment to get a chipped filling fixed. He (the dentist) told me it shouldn’t be too long, which gives me hope that it will not be too painful either. I hope to have time for a cigar in the afternoon, but I am not sure. We’ll see how the day goes. While it is not as warm as it was yesterday, and it is supposed to snow throughout the day, it might still be an agreeable day for it. As I said… we’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 47

    I did not have a good day yesterday either, but I vowed that today would be better. So far, it has been. I know that there was a terrible hit to my mood over the weekend, and I am hoping that it is over. I really want to be back on track, and to be a happy person in general.

    Leslie got her confirmed start date at her new job! I am thrilled about this. She was worried that two discrepancies on her background check might be an issue. I assured her that the two issues were not going to be factors, and the confirmation came today. Unfortunately, the new start date interferes with her next trip here, and the countdown jumps from 14 days to 30 days. We are both up disappointed by that, but the job is a good opportunity, and I do not want her to do anything to jeopardize it.

    It is nearly 1pm, and I have had only my coffee and my morning shake. When I finish writing I will make a salad for lunch, and I should be good for the day – chicken is defrosting for dinner, and I went shopping for more vegetables. No more cheating, as I did so badly over the weekend.

    Yes, I know the weekend was horrible. I promised Leslie yesterday afternoon – and I promised myself – that I would be back on track today. Yes, I slipped. Now it is time to get back to business.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 40

    Today is the fortieth day of my diet. I am feeling better, my clothes are fitting better. I do not feel like a new person, but I do seem to have more energy than I did at my heaviest. I have a long way to go.

    Yesterday was not a good day for my diet. While I passed the greatest challenge (not eating any of my son’s pizza or cheesy bread), I did have a lot of chicken for dinner, and a bag of popcorn. I do not know if it was simply because I miss Leslie (who I drove to the airport yesterday afternoon), or if I just slipped. It is likely the former. Today I have to do better.

    Someone responded to a post of mine on Facebook telling me not to diet, that moderation is the key. She wrote:

    “Don’t diet. I always eat pizza fries ice cream chocolate etc. It’s the portion that matters not the food. A diet isn’t sustainable and why people gain everything back and some. Eat enjoy move on. Now that’s self-love and life.”

    I wanted to say something much harsher, but opted for the following response:

    “The preceding message works fine for people who are 10-15lbs overweight. If (as I am) you are morbidly obese, please consult medical professionals (as I have), and not people who do not understand what REAL weight issues are.”

    Believe me, the first three responses that I typed were much ruder.

    I cannot stand people trying to give me weight loss advice. Everyone seems to think they know the secret. Let me let you in on a little secret: If there was one magic bullet to lose a lot of weight and keep it off, the entire world would be slim. Hey friend, I know your heart is in the right place, but kindly keep your extremely unwelcome unsolicited advice to yourself.

    That, incidentally, is good advice for anyone who is tempted to give weight-loss advice to anyone who is overweight, and who did not ask for it. If we wanted your advice, we would have asked for it. Yes, there is the extremely small percentage of people who do not know how to ask for help, and there might even be people who will be grateful for it… although I doubt it. To help you understand, this is the conversation:

    You: “Oh, I see you are having trouble losing weight. What you should do is this. I promise it will just melt off!”

    Fat Guy/Girl: “Thank you. I will consider that.”

    But here’s the thing: What Fat Guy/Girl is thinking is: “You know what, you sanctimonious prick? I did not ask for your advice, I do not want your advice, and any implication that there is a simple way to lose this much weight implies you think that I am weak and a failure, and without your help I cannot succeed. Do you think I like being morbidly obese? Do you think I do it because it is fun, or because of how attractive it makes me to the opposite sex? You asshole, I am fat because of either psychological or physiological reasons that are none of your damned business… and if they were, I would have shared them with you long since. Also, Ass: Do you think you are the first person to tell me the secret to weight loss? You are not in the top 20. Guess what? Most of you are giving me different advice. You know what the only thing all of you have in common? I did not ask for your advice, I do not want your advice, and it is a shame that it is illegal for me to punch you in the face for giving me your advice.

    Let me make this clear. While there may be others, these are the most obvious categories of overweight people:

    1. People who are happy being overweight. While this is probably the rarest of them, it is a thing.

    2. People who are unhappy being overweight but have not started trying to lose weight.

    3. People who are unhappy being overweight and who have tried and failed to lose weight.

    4. People who are unhappy being overweight and who have lost the weight then regained the weight, often several times.

    There are others, I am sure. Unless someone from any of these categories says to you “Hey, friend… I know you are slim, and I am not, and I would like your advice on how I can become more like you” then they do not want your advice.

    As a bonus, talking about their weight issues is always counterproductive. Guess what? They will know… and it will discourage them more. Your gossiping about their weight problems is just mean and makes you sound like you are still in high school.

    You might know what the psychological trauma they faced is, you may not. Yes, everyone knows I was in the Army, and some people know (or have an idea of) what I went through. Fewer people know about my childhood. You might know it all, you might know none of it. It doesn’t matter. Unless I ask you for your advice, mind your own damned business.

    For the record: Every time you tell an overweight person that the key to life is moderation and portion control, most of them want to reach for a large all-dressed pizza, a double-cheeseburger with a side of fries, or a large plate of deep-fried breaded wings dripping with sauce. If we don’t do that, it is not because of you… any more than if we do that it is because of you. Our weight gain may have many causes, but as adults, we are responsible for it; nobody forced me to make a huge plate of extra-creamy pasta with meats and cheeses and a large plate of garlic bread. I am fat because of me.

    Now please understand the corollary of that: If we eat healthy, successfully practice the self-control that we all need, and we do lose weight, we get the credit… not you.

    Have a great day. I’m going to have my lunch, and then I need a cigar before class starts.

  • Day 34

    I am going to the doctor’s office to get weighed today. I do not think that it will be a successful attempt, as I still think my weight is over the upper limit of the scale. However, knowing that my bathroom floor will not allow me to take an accurate reading (and that it might be up or down fifteen pounds!) I decided to go anyways and see.

    My evening class is going well, and with the exception of IPv6 I am extremely comfortable with the material I am teaching now. DHCP and DNS are two topics that I have been lecturing on for over fifteen years, and frankly the changes to them over the years have been minor.

    I was mostly good on the program yesterday… I had a salad with canned salmon for lunch, but for the evening meal I bought and prepared salmon tails for Leslie and I (as well as making a large salad). I put them into the air fryer with lemon juice, a little salt, pepper, oregano, and dill. I air-fried them at 400°F for 11 minutes and plated them alone (opting to serve the salad in separate bowls. I brought the lemon juice to the table to allow for extra flavours, and the result was fabulous. I daresay, I seldom choose to prepare fish for dinner, but it really is an easy dish to prepare. The only cheat that I had yesterday was a slice of all-beef salami.

    For this evening Leslie is marinating chicken, and I know that if she is making it then I will love it. She is a really good cook. She asked me last night over dinner where I had learned to cook, and I gave her a bit of a rundown… yes, the genesis was in my mother’s house, but I cooked for myself ever since the Army, and on several occasions have even cooked for others. My repertoire is not too extensive, but I have a base that I can go to pretty easily. She told me that she asked because her ex was none too handy in the kitchen, and she does not want her son to get to the age of thirty without knowing how to make a sandwich. I told her about my grandfather, who after my grandmother went into the home would eat cans of anchovies for dinner because he did not know how to make anything else. I told her about my father, who I was certain would never leave my mother because he did not know how to make toast. I told her that I do not want to be that guy, and that I want to be able to eat well without having to eat out or order in every meal. I may not be able to make a lot of things, and what I do make is not complicated… but everything tastes good, and there is enough that I could make a different meal for every day of the week if I had to.

    —

    I am back from the doctor, and I am still several pounds above what their primary scale can measure… but they have a secondary scale that measured me at about what my bathroom scale has me at, if we take into account the weight of my clothes. I am unhappy to be this heavy, and I am certainly unhappy with the slower rate of progress (over my two previous attempts at this program); with that said, it is firstly possible that because of the floor/scale issues at the apartment I started out heavier that I recorded, and secondly, I need to remember that I have not been as religious with the program as I was the first two times. I might have already lost 40 lbs, who knows?

    I have a few hours to kill before I teach this evening, and I am going to spend most of that time on the balcony smoking cigars. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 33–Monday, February 21, 2022

    I have made no progress in a week… but with all the crap that has happened, I am just glad that I did not lose any ground either.

    Leslie and I went shopping yesterday and we bought two gorgeous dress shirts for me to wear for the next couple of months, until my nicer dress shirts start to fit. I spent more than I was planning to on the second shirt, but Leslie is so good to me, how could I deny her? Also, I thought it was a gorgeous shirt too!

    Yesterday I was good until I was not. Lyle made a fabulous dinner of boeuf bourguignon, which he prepared for me without noodles. I also ended up having a few of Leslie’s noodles when she was done, which means that not only did I go overboard on the portions, I also had the carbs which I have to work so hard to avoid. I will not have any more this week!

    It was a very nice weekend. Leslie and I spend at least an hour on the phone every day, but there are some things that are just easier to talk about (or at least to go into detail about) in person. It has gone both ways, and we have both had things to talk about. We also spent an hour on the patio yesterday smoking a very fine cigar, and I read her my favourite Rudyard Kipling poem from a book of his that I purchased a couple of weeks ago… printed in 1899. The book is delicate, but how much more romantic can it be than to read poetry to your beloved… even if it is a poem about having to choose between a woman and cigars.

    I am working this evening, and Leslie is working during the day. She plans to audit my class tonight, which will be fun. She has heard me present to an audience before, but she has never actually seen me teach. Also, it has been a year since I last had an in-person audience! While she works, I will be sitting on the balcony smoking – it is a beautiful day, the first in a series of days that will be unseasonably warm. Tomorrow afternoon Lyle will come for a cigar or two, which will be nice. Of course, Dorothy is always invited, but she works during the days, so that won’t work out. Hopefully Leslie will have enough of a break between meetings to join us for a bit.

    My goddaughter’s birthday party was supposed to be next Saturday, but her mom messaged me yesterday telling me it is postponed by a week. She (the mom) tested positive for Covid-19 and is isolating for two weeks. I am sending her positive vibes for a full and speedy recovery.

    After a couple of hours of distractions, I am on my way to finish my day. My friend the cleaning lady is here, Leslie is working, I have had a salmon salad for lunch. I do not have to teach for another five hours, and I am going to choose a fine cigar and sit out on the balcony for a few hours.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 31

    As Princess Sophie and I stepped out of the front doors this morning, she was in a way. There was a pile of snow, and she did her business. It took her five seconds. I am unsure if this is because she had been holding it in, or because she realized that this morning might have been the blusteriest morning we have had since she arrived in Canada. For a girl who had spent her first four-plus years living in Southern California… the worst ever. Really, it was not too bad, with the temperatures hovering around -8°c, but with the wind chill it was ten degrees colder than that, and the wind was howling indeed. While the temperatures won’t bother me, I do hope the wind will die down over the next few hours.

    Yesterday was not a good day on the diet. A mix of anxiety and sadness, tinged with the happiness of knowing that today Leslie will be arriving. I just got off the phone with her. She is at the airport waiting to board her plane. I have a few things to do today, but at about 2:30pm I will be in the cell phone waiting lot for her to call me and tell me she has her bag and is meeting me outside. We are both jumping out of our skin! I wish she was coming to better weather; maybe she will bring it with her from Texas.

    I drank more water yesterday, which is important. I have to pay attention to that today, although I will balance it with the fact that from the time I leave home until the time I return will probably be three hours, and I do not want to be looking for a public washroom if I can avoid it. I will take a cup of coffee in the car, which I know will be rather small (I know how big my travel coffee cups are). Before parking in the cell phone lot, I will stop at the nearby Tim Hortons to refill it and will use the washroom there. Hopefully that will be fine until I get home with Leslie.

    Oh, right… I also have to replace one of my propane tanks! I’ll do that before heading to the airport.

    My goal for today is to not cheat on the diet. Yesterday was another bad day, and the only good thing I can say about it is that I have now finished the aged cheddar that was in the house and will not be tempted to buy more. I will be preparing food for Leslie – I love making her breakfast, and I found out recently how meaningful it is to her. She keeps telling me that she does not want me to do anything for her food-wise that I would not be doing for myself, but I am going to do it anyways. Besides… if I take a bite of her omelet, it will not harm my diet.

    For a while this morning, I thought I was coming down with a cold. I realized a while ago that my eyes are dry and itchy, which is usually a symptom of allergies, and not of a cold. I do not know if that is better or worse, but I have taken an allergy pill, and will try to pay attention throughout the day to see if they helped. I know that I will be rather preoccupied later in the day… Leslie’s presence (after nearly two months) will be quite distracting, and I might not pay attention to things like itchy eyes!

    My goal for today: do not break my diet. I want to stay the course, and to get back on track. I know that Leslie’s support will be a big help for me!

    Have a great day folks! Enjoy your weekend!

  • Day 29–February 17, 2022

    Weight: Down 1.4 lbs, 28.4lbs overall

    The last few days have not been great on the diet, but I daresay that yesterday was at least a little bit better than the three previous days. I woke up and had my breakfast shake, and then did not actually have a second meal replacement midday. Instead, I went shopping (which I will need to do again either today or tomorrow), and when I arrived home I prepared my evening meal, which was really a mid-afternoon meal. Two pieces of chicken and a large salad. I suspect that in a few weeks I am going to want to cut down to a single piece of chicken, but for now it is working, I am still losing weight, and am seldom feeling deprived. In the evening, rather than preparing another shake, I made a big salad… and added a half tin of canned salmon to it. It was very tasty… and while it was not strictly speaking part of my diet, it was not the worst possible cheat.

    My weight loss this past week was abysmal if we take out the dire psychological factors, not to mention the trip to Montreal. If we take all of those factors into consideration, the fact that I lost any weight at all is a success. While I would like to be down 40 lbs by now, I’ll satisfy myself with just under 30 lbs in four weeks I know that had I stuck with the program religiously I would be down much more, but I also know that this program is hard, and the lenience is making it just a little bit easier.

    I got several pieces of excellent news yesterday, all from my girlfriend. She knows that I have been extremely down this past week, with all of the emotional baggage that have opened up in me. She asked has asked me every day since the revelation what she could do to support me, and I have not had a real answer, other than ‘just be there for me.’ That’s how I am. She asked Monday if she should come to visit me this weekend, and I told her that it was an expensive trip, and that I would be okay. When I realized that she is really trying to support me, and that however brave a face I might be putting on, the diet cheat of the last few days has been proof that maybe I am not coping as well as I might. Yesterday when we were speaking in the afternoon, I told her that I would like for her to come if it was not too expensive. Within the hour she sent me confirmation of her flight, and I will pick her up from the airport Saturday afternoon. YAY!

    Leslie likes to bring me cigars when she comes to visit. It is not only that she knows how much I enjoy cigars… she loves enjoying them with me, possibly to the point of being a fetish! She already has two boxes of cigars that she was planning to bring to me, but her plan was to visit the Cigars International Superstore near her house to top up her allotment of what she is allowed to bring into Canada. We will get back to that in a moment.

    My girlfriend knows that I start teaching at 6:30pm, so it was a bit of a surprise to see my phone ringing at 6:32pm, with her name on the call display. Fortunately, I was waiting for the last stragglers to come into the class, so I muted my mic to answer the phone. “I GOT THE JOB!” She had applied for a full-time position with Microsoft, and has been pretty down on herself, figuring she did not get it. I kept telling her that she was absolutely the best candidate for the job (I know a lot of the other probably candidates), and that they would be crazy to not offer it to her. They did!

    Now, instead of picking up some okay cigars, she wanted to get celebratory sticks. She went a bit overboard, but I completely understand – she has something to celebrate, and she wants to celebrate with me, and she wants to celebrate with me smoking very high-end cigars. Saturday afternoon will see several new and wonderful vitolas added to my humidor, none of which I currently own, and only two of which I have ever smoked. Two of them are limited-edition cigars too… very collectible, but I do not collect cigars, I smoke them!

    Leslie also loves HRF Princess Sophie, which does not surprise me, as she (HRF) is absolutely adorable. Someone asked me the other day what HRF is short for, so here it is: Her Royal Floofness.

    Another thing that I am thrilled with is that Leslie has made it clear that she is going to continue to support me on my diet, which means that she does not want me ‘taking a break’ while she is here and does not want me taking her to restaurants and the like. Considering that there was a time when I felt that the best social experience between a couple was to sit together at a restaurant, this is a big change. The first time I was on the program (back in 2017) I remember going on a date with a woman the first week (or possibly second) that I was on it, and she had her lunch while I… watched her eat her lunch. There was no second date. I get that… it is uncomfortable to sit at a table eating while the other person just watches you. Fortunately, Leslie and I enjoy each other’s company quite a lot, and we are very familiar with each other. We can be just as happy sitting on the couch or at the table and not saying a word, or sitting on the balcony, sharing a cigar, and solving all of the world’s problems. I am so excited that she is coming in two days!!

    I have a dentist appointment this afternoon (I lost a crown), and after that Lyle might come over for a cigar. He is still unsure, due to the potential for the weather to change for the worse sometime this afternoon. If he feels the driving will be treacherous, he will likely stay home. I hope he comes… I have a nice birthday gift for him, plus a lot to talk about. After that, class… Thursday is my last teaching day of the week, and I’m looking forward to it… as much as I am looking forward to the weekend!

    Have a great day folks! I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • A Cause to Die For

    I have had a number of causes in my life that I have been (and am) passionate about. I have protested, I have been an activist, and I have been a soldier. I have written articles in support of the causes I believe in and against those things that I oppose. I hope that I have done that well, and I know that in some cases I have changed some minds.

    I hope I have never made my case to someone, and then, being told that it is not their fight, gotten angry with them that they would not take up my cause.

    In case you are not paying attention, there are a number of protests going on in Canada, most specifically in Ottawa and at the Detroit-Windsor border crossing. The protests are around vaccine mandates and passports, and the terrible effects that the two years of pandemic have had, and how bad the government’s response has been. “IT’S ABOUT FREEDOM!” Maybe it is, maybe it is not. I am not taking a hardline position on this. I have told several of my friends that this is not a cause that I am willing to take on as my own. It is not that I oppose their position… I am just not going to be passionately supporting them.

    I have three friends – none of whom are only Facebook friends – who are extremely passionate about the cause. Each of them has tried to convince me, in their way, that this cause is the most important thing in the world. Each of them has equated the Canadian government of 2022 to Nazi Germany, and each of them has told me that if I am not willing to stand up and fight for this then I am as bad as the people who stood idly by as Jewish businesses were being shut down, leading eventually to the deportation of the Jewish population to the death camps at Treblinka, Sobibor, Chelmno, Belzec, Majdanek, and Auschwitz-Birkenau. Each of them has told me that if I served in the Israeli Defense Forces and am not willing to stand up for their cause then it is obvious that the IDF does not stand for freedom.

    Each one of them is infuriating.

    Firstly, and I cannot stress this enough, I served 2.5 years in the IDF and rose to the rank of Staff Sergeant. While there is an official position and mission of the IDF, it is not set by Staff Sergeants… certainly not by one who did his conscription service and was discharged twenty-five years ago. On top of that, if you have ever tried to get ten Israelis to agree on anything, from the peace talks to the lunch order, then you will know that it is a futile task at which kings and deities have failed.

    I have tried to tell each of them that I am not taking a strong position on this movement. Each of them has tried to guilt me into it. Each has tried to convince me that I am letting another Holocaust happen and standing by passively.

    I respect that some people are against getting the Covid-19 vaccine. I do not agree with them, but hey, it is their choice. To equate them to Jews in Nazi Germany is absurd. Jews did not have a choice. It was not only Jews who wore the black hats and shtreimels and wore side locks who were sent to the gas chambers; if you had one Jewish grandparent, you were considers tiersch untermenschen and would be cleansed from the face of the earth. That was Nazi Germany. In Canada, if you want to be able to eat in restaurants, if you want to be able to travel to the United States (a mandate from the US, by the way), then get the vaccine. It’s as simple as that.

    Two of these friends have told me that for the people not getting the vaccine it is like trying to tell a Jew to be Christian. I’m sorry, but for me that is a ridiculous comparison. We are dealing with a global pandemic, and the only way out is through a combination of science (by doctors and scientists), and the cooperation of the rest of the population. If you are unable to get the vaccine (and there are people who have legitimate medical reasons) then that is one thing. If you just do not believe in the vaccine and do not want to get it, well that is also legitimate… but it can be helped.

    I have a friend whose son was laid off from Canada Post because he is unvaccinated, and he accepts that. When we take a stance and are willing to accept the consequences for that stance, then it is commendable. Mohammed Ali refused the draft; he was stripped of his title and went to jail for his principles. He did not flee the country or hide in some underground, he stood up and said ‘I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.’ You may or may not agree with his position on the war (which is much easier to look at as black and white in 2022 than it was in the heat of 1966), but you have to respect his actions.

    In the middle of a global pandemic, anyone who refuses to get vaccinated (simply because they do not believe in the science) but expects to be treated like everyone who did get vaccinated, is taking a stance but is unwilling to accept the consequences. ‘You must be vaccinated to cross the border.’ That is (a very simplistic wording of) the law right now. Will it change? Maybe yes, maybe no. If your job requires you to cross the border but you refuse to get the vaccine, then you cannot break the law. Can you protest the law? Absolutely. Is it a just and fair law? I don’t know. Do you have the right to require me to protest the law? No. Do you have the right to take over an entire city, or blockade international border crossings? To make your point, I suppose you do… but do it for a weekend and then go home. When protesting the government, you have a better chance of winning widespread public support if you do not inconvenience the people who you think you are fighting for… at least, not beyond the time it takes to make your point.

    I am not saying that ‘I do not work in the auto industry, and so my livelihood does not rely on the Ambassador Bridge traffic, and so I am not protesting.’ I am not saying that ‘I do not live in Ottawa, therefore I have not been inconvenienced by the protests, and so I am not protesting.’ I am saying that while I understand why people are protesting, I am not going to get worked up about it, and I am certainly not taking a strong position either way. Trying to force me to do so will not change that, and that position does not make me ‘just like those who stood by and let the Holocaust happen.’ That, my friends, will raise my hackles, but not in favour of your cause, rather against you for having the nerve to equate pandemic measures to the worst crime in human history.