Losing a part of me

Category: Jogging

  • Day 449

    I cheated again yesterday. After a 5km jog I came home, showered, and headed out to my dentist appointment. As I was preparing to leave, I noticed it was 12:45pm, so I still had thirty minutes before I would be ready for my second meal replacement of the day. What I did not take into consideration is that I would likely not be home before 3:00pm. I bought a handful of peanuts at Bulk Barn to tide me over. Aside from that, I was true to the program; I was hungry in the afternoon (despite the handful of peanuts and my (late) midday meal replacement), but instead of eating more, I sat outside with a cigar. There are a lot of temptations in this world, and it would be so easy for me to just walk to the corner to pick up a snack. I am staying the course because I am on a mission to be slim!

    My intention from the outset was to take it easier than I have been these last couple of days. I had a short timeframe in which to run, and I did not want to be late for my dentist appointment. As well, I woke up with jelly legs yesterday morning. I know that I can only push myself so hard before I risk hurting myself, and I do not want that. I felt that a 5km run would do just fine… and I stopped off at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 502km (12.02km)
    • Duration: 39:00 (1:36:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m45s (8m00s)
    • Steps: 6,100 (14,350)
    • Calories burned: 653 (1,534)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (149)

    I admit I am a bit relieved that my doctor told me that I can continue on the full program for a couple more months. I suspect that if I had to, I could start eating proper foods again, and still lose weight gradually. I think I have learned the lessons I need to learn, and bags of chips on airplanes notwithstanding, I think that for the first time in my life I now have the skills to diet. With that said, I would love to get as close to my next few goals as possible before returning to that path. I suspect that the next few months will look like this:

    • I will stay on the full-fast for the next two weeks until I fly to Dallas. I will go off the program almost entirely for the first half of my trip, which will include one day in Dallas and four days in California, during which Leslie and I are celebrating our Jewish wedding together… not a good time to be dieting. If I can drop to 245 lbs. by April 27, I will be quite thrilled. Anything below 250 lbs. will still be a success.
    • Upon my return to Canada (Sunday, May 7) I will resume the full-fast program the following morning and will stay true to it throughout the month of May.
    • That first week that I am back in Canada I will drive into Scarborough one last time to pick up one last case of the meal replacements.
    • Starting the beginning of June, I will begin my transition off the program and onto regular (but mindful) foods. Throughout the month of June, I will follow a partial program. I should mention that there is a good chance that my wife will be visiting me in Canada some time that month, which would be a very good time to not be on the full-fast program anyways.
    • It is my hope that on or around July 1st, I will be off the program. I might, if I have meal replacements left, continue to use them for breakfast. However, by my birthday I would like to be completely done with the program. (Leslie and I discussed today that it might be nice to spend my birthday with her in Dallas, and I am giving serious thought to that)

    How much will I weigh by then? I don’t know. July 1 is a little over 2.5 months from now, and it would not be unheard of for me to lose nearly thirty pounds in that time… especially if I keep up my jogging. As of this morning, I am about 23 lbs. from dropping out of Obesity Class I and into the Overweight classification. If I can accomplish that by then, I will be declaring victory. That is not to say that I will not try to continue losing weight and getting back into shape, but once I am there, then I will not be using meal replacements, only traditional healthy eating.

    Today is the third day in a row without a successful bowel movement, at least in the morning. I am hoping that at some point during the day I will finally feel the need. In the meantime, I was thrilled to see that while I am still just shy of my best weight ever from Day 436, the bathroom scale reported my weight at my previous best weight ever this morning. It took me ten days to gain nine pounds; it has taken only four days to shed 8.8 pounds. As I discussed with Leslie yesterday, I truly feel that had I eaten exactly as I had eaten in Dallas but had not completely stopped jogging, then I would not have gained nearly as much as I did. Lesson learned. Whether it will be 5km or 15km, we agree that I should try to jog daily going forward, especially when I do start the transition off of the program. In the meantime, while it is unlikely that I will maintain this rate of loss, if I were to lose 3.5 lbs. per week, by my birthday I would weigh just under 214 lbs.… a number that I am reasonably certain I did not weigh even in the Army. It is important to realize that I was a lot more muscular then than I am now, and I doubt I would ever be that buff again. In fact, I am not even trying for buff… I am trying for slim.

    Today is Thursday, and if I stay focused and mindful, and if I get in a good jog, then there is a very good chance that tomorrow morning I will achieve a new best weight ever. As the Hebrew folk song says, if it is not tomorrow, then the following day. Trust me, it is more melodic in Hebrew. You can listen to it at this link if you feel like it.

    I have some important phone calls to make today, and I also have to finish putting together my slides and script for tomorrow’s webinar on cybersecurity threat detection. As much as I was looking forward to my session last week, this week’s session does not hold the same allure for me. No matter, it has to get done. I have a focus group at 1:00pm which I need to attend, and later in the afternoon a buddy is tentatively coming over to smoke cigars. It will be nice to see him – it has been too long. If all goes well, the first part of the evening I will be at Taekwondo, followed by another lovely cigar date with my wife. We are now two weeks from my next trip down there, and we are both eager… and it is nice that this time we do not have to wait quite so long between visits. Admittedly, the wait between the end of my previous visit and the last one was shorter, but that was an unplanned and unexpected bonus. This time, when she and her son dropped me at the airport on Sunday, we knew that the goodbye was for fewer than twenty days. It is easier than some of our partings have been, especially the ones when we did not know how long it would be… or when we knew it was 6-8 weeks.

    My plan for the day is to stay the course. I have been doing so well, and with my doctor’s blessing yesterday I see no reason to change anything. I will try to avoid the need to stop off for peanuts today (as I have done now two days in a row), but if I do need to snack then I will do so mindfully (as I did yesterday, with my total bill from Bulk Bark coming to $0.83, taxes included). When I finish this journal entry, I will go for a jog. Once again, I am not going to try to push myself too hard or too far, but I will probably shoot for 8-10km. —

    My hopes were answered! When I finished writing that last paragraph, I was able to move my bowels, and am feeling much better for it. I will not step back onto the scale, but it might have made a difference. That difference will wait for tomorrow morning’s daily encounter with the bathroom scale! In the meantime, my previous thoughts about taking fibre can be shelved for the time being.

    Okay, let’s get moving. Today will be a busy day; following a couple of phone calls, it will start with a jog, then a few hours of work.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 448

    On Monday, I jogged 5.6km and then walked 7.3km. Yesterday I ran the same route… except I jogged 12km, literally crushing it! Yes, I pulled up with under 1km to go, and I walked the rest of the way. It felt absolutely amazing! Five of those kilometres were under 7m42s, with three more under 8 minutes even. I know that there are two factors (aside from fatigue) that slow me down: jogging uphill and jogging into the wind. Because of that, my sixth kilometre was my slowest, at 8m43s. While I heard my app read that into my ear, I was a little disheartened, but I kept going anyways. While I would slow down afterwards, my best kilometre was actually my eighth. Yes, I was extremely pleased by my progress. I might take a break today because of a hectic schedule, but if I keep this up, I will finally earn that 15km badge in the next couple of weeks.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 12.02km (5.6km)
    • Duration: 1:36:17 (41:34)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m00s (7m25s)
    • Steps: 14,350 (6,435)
    • Calories burned: 1,534 (576)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 149 (155)

    I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that there is a challenge on one of my apps to run or walk 1,023 kilometres in this calendar year. Following yesterday’s workout, I am now 29% done (with 299.77km tracked as activities). I am also ranked in the top 18.6% of participants. While that only has me ranked 26,222, as of this morning there are over 141,000 people signed up for the challenge. That means that I am actually ahead of over 114,500 people. Of course, there is no prize for finishing first. The prizes are a lottery drawn of the people who finish the full 1,023km in the year. If I continue at this pace, I am well on my way to accomplishing that. I do not care if I win one of the prizes or not. Accomplishing that goal will be amazing enough.

    I did cheat a little yesterday. I bought a small bag of peanuts, which I ate in the car. I was stuck in traffic getting out of Toronto for over two hours, and I needed something. After all, having burned over 1,500 calories on my jog, I knew that I might get away with it. Yes, that will slightly affect my weight loss when I step onto the scale at the doctor’s office, but I needed it. I also drank a lot of water!

    Yesterday was also my best steps day in years, clocking over 21,500 steps. I may not be down from my last weigh-in… but I am certainly doing what I need to do in order to get back on track. Considering that between March 31 and April 10 I actually gained nine pounds, I am really happy that I am well on my way to losing all of that in less than a week.

    When I was speaking with Leslie last night, she mentioned that she thought that I ate pretty well while I was in Dallas. I reminded her that the day before I flew down, I broke my diet because I was not feeling well (accounting for a two-pounds gain recorded before I flew on April 1). Additionally, when I was there, aside from eating late at night a few times, I also ate a lot of matzah (with quite a bit of peanut butter), not to mention the entire bag of chips I ate on the airplane coming home. My weight gain is nobody’s fault but my own.

    In any event, according to the bathroom scale this morning I am down another 3.4 lbs. from yesterday. I have dropped all of the weight that I gained in Dallas plus nearly half a pound and am 1.6 lbs. from again reaching my best weight ever. It feels great to know that in contrast to how things usually work, it took me just two days to shed the weight that I gained over eight days. I have so often lamented that it would usually take a few days to lose the weight gained from a single cheat day. I am energized by this success and will continue to stay on track today. Unlike most mornings when I am off to the doctor’s office, I did not even brew my pot of coffee when I came in from walking the Princess. I will do that upon my triumphant return. What would I consider a triumphant weigh-in? Just yesterday I would have said that if my weight is stable from three weeks ago, or even if I am only a few ounces heavier, then I would be happy. Based on my bathroom scale weigh-in, I might be as much as 1kg down. That will be huge for me indeed, considering the last couple of weeks.

    I am off to the doctor’s office, hoping for good news (which would be little or no gain from my last visit three weeks ago). I am also looking forward to discussing my gastro issues with him, and whether or not I should start weening myself off the full-fast program now, or if I could continue through June. I also have to discuss my ADHD medication, and whether I need to increase (or lower) the dosage, or if we should be trying a different medication. There are some days when I feel fine, but there are others when I am just not as focused as I should be… and when I seem to talk a lot more than I did a month ago. I’ll see you all in a jiffy!

    —

    I have developed a great rapport with the nurse who weighs me at the doctor’s office, and she is always amazed by how well I am doing. This morning she looked at me even before I stepped onto the scale and told me that she thought I have lost even more weight. I was not sure, but in fact my weight was down 1.3kg from three weeks ago. No, it is not the same pace I have been losing the last few weigh-ins (as much as 4.7kg lost from three weeks ago), but it is still a loss. Considering the realities of the last few weeks, that is a huge win for me!

    The other issues that I discussed with the doctor were all good news. He feels I should stick with my current medication (and dosage) for another month to see if external factors may have played a part in my changes, and he feels that I can safely stay on the full fast program for another month or two without concern. I asked him about blood work, and he told me that even though I have lost 50 lbs. since he last tested me, there was nothing of concern then (December) so he does not think we need to retest now. In a few months we will revisit that. He also told me that the ultrasound of my knee was clean, so I can continue jogging, and as we have discussed before, I should let pain be my guide… if I have to slow down or shorten my jogs, then do so.

    Speaking of which, if I do not get out now then I will not be able to do it at all today. I just finished a great meeting with a training broker who wants to work with me, but it went longer than it was supposed to, so I have to hurry up. I was not planning on jogging as long today as I did yesterday, but I know that I have to be home at 11:30 so that I can shower before heading out to the dentist.

    My plan for today remains the same… I will stay mindful and focused, and I will keep crushing it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 447

    I am not sure why I was not able to jog farther than I did yesterday. I pulled up at a little over 5.5km, opting to powerwalk the rest of the way. The two workouts combined for 12.9km, respectable by any measure. I just do not know why I stopped running. My legs were not bothering me, nor were my lungs. There was just an overall feeling of… something. While the walking did not break any records for me, it was certainly much faster paced than it had been since I started jogging, with my last complete kilometre clocking at 9m16s, which is not too shabby! My jogging pace was quite respectable as well, with three of my 5.6km clocked at 7.16s or faster. This morning I will hit the trails once more and see how much farther I can jog than I did yesterday. I might try to run the same path, only hopefully I will get farther before slowing my pace.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.6km (4.09km)
    • Duration: 41:34 (34:22)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m25s (8m24s)
    • Steps: 6,435 (5,200)
    • Calories burned: 576 (450)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (151)

    Walking

    • Distance: 7.3km
    • Duration: 1:11:06
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9m44s
    • Steps: 9,950
    • Calories burned: 689
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 140

    Leslie and I had a conversation about my running shoes last week. Most experts say that running shoes have a life expectancy, and a quick glance at the studies online shows me that most of my shoes are ready to be retired. There is one pair that is an exception to that, but most of my running shoes are approaching what looks like their golden years. That is before we even consider the fact that every pair of running shoes that I own knew my feet when I was well over 300 lbs., which would be a big factor in further reducing the life expectancy of them. All this to say that I think it is about time I look into ordering a new pair or two… especially if I am going to do a lot of running over the spring and summer.

    I have to drive into Toronto this afternoon for a meeting, which will be a bit of a schmooze-fest, but it is with someone who knows a lot of people in my industry and is going to try to get me interviews with a few companies. Knowing my current situation, I am not sure how I feel about taking a job in Canada… but contracts are always good, and it never hurts to know more people. This person was introduced to me by a former colleague who I respect, and who respects me; he would not knowingly be wasting my time. The only complication with that is the driving to and from the city… mostly from, based on the timing. I will likely stay put until the worst of the rush hour traffic is past, and then drive back to Burlington. To be safe, I will take my Taekwondo kit with me, because I would really like to get to class this evening.

    Okay, so I ran yesterday… and I walked. I also got back on the full-fast program and did not have any issues on that front. I did notice I was a little peckish as I lay in bed, but I am sure that was more mental than physical; I did not lie awake with hunger pangs; it was more of a quick ‘I think I’m a bit hungry’ as I spoke with Leslie… who reminded me that I was probably not hungry at all. She was right! I told her during our conversation that I was expecting my weight to drop dramatically from yesterday (when it rose dramatically). She reminded me that I had been off my program for ten days, and I should not expect to lose it all in one day. I assured her that I expected it would take at least a week to shed all the weight I had gained. After all, I was a whopping nine pounds heavier than my best weight (March 31, eleven days ago). The bathroom scale was very kind to me this morning, giving me back an incredible four pounds of progress, and dropping me, once again, below that dreaded 260 lbs. mark. While I am still five pounds from my best weight ever, I am only three pounds heavier than I was the morning I flew to Dallas eleven days ago… which was the morning after I had a pretty big cheat meal because of the scare with my bowels. I am feeling good, and while my hemorrhoids are still bothering me, the other bowel issues (which came with stomach cramps) seem to be gone. Nonetheless, I will still be speaking with my doctor about the issues tomorrow, and we will discuss if it is safe for me to continue on the full fast program… at least for another six weeks or so.

    Another issue I plan to discuss with my doctor tomorrow is my ADHD medications. The first couple of months on them I felt like a new man, with a renewed energy and focus, while being able to sit still without interrupting people all the time. These last few weeks – possibly since the last dosage increase – I have not felt quite so focused; at first, I thought it was just me, but when Leslie asked about it, I realized that it is real, and that I had better speak with the doctor. That meeting is tomorrow morning, which works out perfectly because tomorrow I will take the last pill in my previous prescription. I had called the pharmacy to renew, but if I do not collect the pills, and I get a new prescription from my doctor tomorrow, then they will simply cancel the old one and give me the new dosage… or new medication, as the case may be. That is not a subject that I am expert in and will listen to what the doctor has to say about it.

    Over the next two hours the temperatures should be jumping from the current 8° to 14° at 10:00am and peaking at 19° from 2-6pm. It is partly cloudy out, and while there was a bit of a breeze as I walked Her Floofness this morning, it was no worse than that. From 2:00pm the forecast calls for high winds, which seem to die down by 7:00pm. It looks like if all goes well, by the time I get home from Taekwondo this evening, the weather will be perfect to enjoy a cigar on the balcony. I finished my book yesterday afternoon, which means I should be giving some thought to my next read. I think I am going to continue with the current trend – I am listening to an audiobook that is fiction and will look for something in non-fiction to read on my e-book reader. An old friend of mine has written several books on cybersecurity, including one on the Dark Web that I have been meaning to read for a couple of years. <ten minutes later> I just reached out to him to ask if he thinks it is still relevant. Hopefully I will get an answer before it is time to read!

    My plans for today, with regard to my weight management program, are to stay on track and stay mindful. I will be going for my jog around 10:00am, after which I will come home, shower, answer any e-mails I may get, and then have my second meal replacement before heading out to Toronto. I will be taking my third meal replacement with me so that I can have it in the car before Taekwondo and will then have my fourth shake after Taekwondo (and before my cigar, should I be able to enjoy one). Staying on track and staying mindful are the best way to guarantee that I get back on track this week. I know that unless I have another tremendous weight drop tomorrow, I will not have lost weight between doctors’ visits for the first time since January. It’s okay though. I made the conscious decision to go off the program for good reason, and I stand by it. The fact that it coincided with a week of not being able to exercise did hurt a little, but I am back on track, and the weight will continue to come off. Mindfulness and focus are how I will ultimately succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 440

    My next appointment with my doctor is one week from today, and I have a couple of things that I need to discuss with him before I continue on the program; rather, whatever I end up deciding with regard to the program, I need to discuss them with them. I am not concerned that my weight is likely to be up from my last visit – rather, it is likely going to be the same, as I had lost a few pounds before regaining the few pounds. There is a reason I made the decision at the beginning of this journey to be monitored regularly by my physician; most of our meetings have been progress reports, but I know that it is impossible to lose this much weight without changes to the body, and while most of those changes are positive, there was bound to be one or two negatives in there. Welcome to Negative #1.

    (I am also interested in the results of my ultrasound, but that has been an issue for months, and is not nearly as urgent as the other things.)

    When I sat down to write this entry, I was feeling a bit dejected because I did stick to the plan yesterday – I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a piece of fish with cauliflower for dinner – and I still gained a tiny bit of weight. I would have mentioned that I did enjoy a gin and tonic with my cigar last night, but that was the only change. I had even had a bit of a bowel movement in the morning, which has been the case almost every day. I had eaten my cereal and was in the middle of my coffee when the urge hit… I went to the toilet and had the first really substantial BM that I have had since the hemorrhoids started. I would normally never get onto the bathroom scale after having my breakfast, but I made the exception. Even having eaten, the weight that I had gained from yesterday was reversed. It is a relief to know that if I eat like I ate yesterday I might not lose weight, but I will not gain weight either. If that is what my maintenance will look like going forward, then I will be able to keep the weight off when I am where I eventually want to be.

    I met a really interesting man yesterday. He is a member of the Facebook group that I run for cigar lovers, and since he lives in this city I decided to reach out and connect with him. We sat at the lounge for three hours enjoying cigars and conversation. What makes him so interesting is that he is a Southerner who is quite right wing (I am a political moderate) and a devout Christian (I am Jewish)… and we sat and had long, respectful discussions about issues on which we do not agree, but we did it respectfully. It is so wonderful to know that with all of the extremists in this country (and in my own) who refuse to listen to the viewpoint of the other side, two people who do not agree can have respectful discourse and enjoy each other’s company. He and I will definitely be staying in touch.

    I hope to get back into running today, or at least walking. I have a few things that I do need to get done before that happens, but if I can head out for an hour this afternoon, I will be quite pleased with it. I know that had I been able to do so the last few days I would not have gained nearly as much weight as I have. The blister on the bottom of my foot is still… there; while I feel it, it is not painful as it was the last couple of days. I will make a gametime decision on that; if I decide not to go today, then tomorrow I will absolutely be hitting the trails (so to speak).

    My plan for today is to eat reasonably. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and will have a salad for lunch. Dinner is still up in the air, but Leslie and I will have something nice. This evening is the last night that I can eat chametz before Passover starts. While the holiday only starts tomorrow evening, it is customary to stop eating anything not ‘kosher for Passover’ around noon tomorrow… and knowing how bad the breakfast cereals I have been enjoying are for my weight, I will cut that out as well and make an omelet or something. I have always loved breakfast cereals, but I will be better off when they are an occasional indulgence and not a regular part of my diet. There are many aspects to the weight loss journey, and one of them is changing my habits and how I see different foods.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 436–Best Weight Ever!

    I honestly did not think that it would happen today. I expected to step onto the bathroom scale to see that I had lost .2 or .4, or even stayed the same as yesterday. Of course, I have been on the watch for it for the last few days. When I looked down at the numbers transmitted from the device to my smartphone and saw that I was not at, but actually just under my best weight from 2005… I do not know how to describe the emotions that went through my head, my heart, my whole body. I do not know when it was that my weight first crept above that number, but as it is only about 40-45 lbs. more than I likely weighed when I finished my Army service, and knowing how terribly I ate for those first three years (not to mention the last six months of my service) and it is easy to assume that it was well before Y2K. I know that in 2004-5 it dropped from 295 to 255, only to start climbing again when my first wife left me. I am, as of this morning, the lowest weight I have ever weighed in this millennium. I am trying to remain calm and composed as I am jumping out of my skin.

    Until just five days ago I was talking about the comparative chart from my weight loss journey in 2020. While I first beat that number on Wednesday of last week, I decided to keep charting it… especially after this weekend, when I faltered, and my weight jumped, popping above that number for one day. On the race from 285.2 lbs. (I weighed the same the day after I returned from my previous trip to Dallas on February 3 as I did on July 21, 2020) to the best weight of 2020 (September 27, 2020), it took me 48 days to reach and 53 days to stay below that milestone. On each of those days I was 9 and 6.4 lbs. below the corresponding day’s weight from 2020. In 2020 I know I only stayed at that weight for one single day, and then started a gradual (and eventually not-so-gradual) climb back up. New Years Day 2021 I weighed 305.4. Over the next few months, I was still putting in some effort… I see that there was a week in January of that year when my weight was fluctuating between 2-3-285 lbs. In mid-February of 2021 my weight jumped above the 300 lbs. mark for the last time, staying there for twenty-three months. Since January 12 (when it dropped to 299 lbs.) I have lost 44.2 lbs., and I plan to keep going.

    My efforts on the treadmill yesterday were not spectacular, but I was still out there doing it. I jogged the first bit, then walked another 2km before calling it a day.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 4.09km (8.4km)
    • Duration: 34:22 (1:02:42)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m24s (7m27s)
    • Steps: 5,200 (9,475)
    • Calories burned: 450 (1,117)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (151)

    I mentioned over the last couple of days that I was having issues with my bowels. It was at the gym yesterday that I started to feel some discomfort, which would eventually get worse and even interfere with my sleep. No, it was not intestinal, rather an issue that I have experienced a couple of times before, usually after a few days of intestinal issues. Hemorrhoids are itchy and painful, and I am glad that I had cream at home that would start to treat it. Such are the joys of weight loss and aging, folks.

    My afternoon went pretty much as planned yesterday, except that I needed to take care of a number of logistical items for the wedding. Upon returning from the gym, I had my second meal replacement before taking Her Floofness to see Eduardo and his wife. We had a cigar on the balcony and chatted, which was nice. After that, Princess Sophie and I dropped in to see another friend at his work before coming home. While enjoying my third meal replacement of the day, I took care of yet more wedding planning things before heading out to Taekwondo. While the first half of the class was great, the second was interrupted by a call I had scheduled… also wedding-related, and with someone whose time I need to respect. She told me that this was when she was available, so at 7:59pm I stepped out of class and called her. I returned to class in time for the end. Taekwondo is important… our wedding is more important. I came home and enjoyed my final meal replacement of the day while speaking with Leslie, and taking care of yet more wedding logistics issues.

    I know that I will not get a lot of sleep tonight. I teach until 9:30pm, and my alarm is set to wake me up at 2:15am. Hopefully I will get some sleep on the airplane, but even if I do not, I will be fine. Tomorrow morning, I will restart my modified program, so after I am checked in at the airport, I will have breakfast and coffee. I bought my snacks for the plane – almonds and mini crisp chips – and I will not be tempted to cheat with anything else. Tomorrow should be a good day overall.

    Knowing that I won’t be sleeping much does not change my plans for the day. I have been dealing with things all morning, so it is almost noon. I have one more call to make for the wedding, after which I will head to the gym for my last run in Canada for the next week or so, after which I will return home and prepare for my class. While the forecast is for the temperatures to rise to 7° by the late afternoon, the rain is predicted to continue non-stop until I get onto the airplane tomorrow morning, so running outside is not an option. When I get home from the gym, I will also be packing my suitcase, which is extremely exciting for me! I will teach until the end of class, and then I will have my final meal replacement and speak with Leslie before going to bed as early as I can. Hopefully throughout the day my bum will feel a bit better, and the swelling will be much less (or even gone completely) by tomorrow.

    I will stay mindful and on-track today and will not veer from my path. Just because I hit such a monumental milestone this morning does not give me leave to splurge… especially knowing that tomorrow is a travel day. I did not say that I want to hit my best weight ever before Saturday, I said that I want to get onto the airplane on Saturday at my best weight ever. Staying on track is the way to do that. I will, of course, light the Shabbat candles with my wife during my evening break, but I am not going to buy challah. I might pour a k’zayt of wine, but that’s it. Because it will be so early I do not know what I will weigh tomorrow morning, but if I am back above 255 it will not be because I veered from the path today. I am going to run, and I am going to get it all done. This is a major milestone, but it is not the end of the journey.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 435

    I was so excited that I was going to break all of my distance records yesterday on the treadmill. I was nearly 2km into my jog when I realized I had not pressed the start button on my fitness tracker. Of course, this should make absolutely no difference to my workout; I am not running primarily to track my run, but to get fit. For some reason, that logic did not help me, and I just never got into the run. I will try again today, but not with the intention of setting records, only to get back up on the horse. My schedule is pretty packed, so I am not going to be able to spend hours at the gym. I will go, I will run for an hour, then I’ll pick up Her Floofness and we will go to Eduardo’s for a couple of hours. It would be slightly easier if my ultrasound appointment was at 10:00am, and not 11:00am.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    · Distance: 8.4km (5.6km)

    · Duration: 1:02:42 (39:09)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m27s (7m01s)

    · Steps: 9,475 (6,075)

    · Calories burned: 1,117 (767)

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (155)

    I should remember that I should not be pushing myself at the gym today, knowing that I have my Taekwondo class this evening. I did spend ten minutes on the mat stretching before I jogged yesterday, and I will do the same today. In six months, I will be ready to test for my next belt… and I will be in the best shape of my (adult) martial arts life!

    My bowel movement this morning was solid, and there were slight indicators from my body that it is safe and prudent to resume my fibre additive in the mornings. I suppose it was simply something that I ate over the weekend that caused me issues, and that is behind me now. Phew! **Written later and before publishing the entry: No, I am still having loose bowel issues. Hold the fibre once again, thank you!

    I am so close. With two days left before I get up early to head to the airport, the reading on the bathroom scale this morning has me at 255.6 pounds. I am less than one pound away from achieving my best post-Army weight ever. As I woke up this morning, I started thinking that it might be today. That would have been a stretch, as it would literally mean I would have lost four pounds in two days. I also knew that it was possible that I would give back some weight this morning, but that did not happen. I was thrilled to see that I am inside one pound, and also know realistically that I might fall outside of that range tomorrow… but staying on track, staying mindful, and staying focused are how I will figure out how to get there. Over the next few days, I will be on the watch for it though. A few months ago, I would have expected that when I do get there, I would let out a loud ‘whoop!’ but now I expect a big smile, a quiet fist pump, and then I will go about my day. I will not be rewarding myself with a big cheat meal… that would defeat the purpose. I will be going off the full-fast program Saturday for the week that I am away, but I will not be starting out with the same wild cheat night that I usually have when I go to Dallas. When I leave town on Saturday I might or might not be at or under my best weight ever; I promise you, dear reader, that when I return to Canada the following Sunday I will be.

    Yesterday’s extreme winds brought a drop in the temperature (along with a couple of hours of wild snow). When Her Floofness and I went out this morning the thermometer read -8°, which in February is pretty seasonal but the last few days of March might be considered less so. As such, I will not even be thinking about running outside today; I will go to the gym where I can be comfortable. When I am out of town next week, I will likely spend a lot more time jogging outside and exploring my environs as I do. Hopefully by the time I get back to Canada we will be done with the below-zero temperatures, and spring (which supposedly started a week ago) will really be ready to kick in.

    Leslie and I made a very exciting decision on Tuesday; I followed that decision up with a long phone call with my rabbi yesterday afternoon. With that, the path is clear, and the date is set. My wife and I are getting married! That might sound weird, so let me explain. We were married by a judge in the State of Texas. There were no witnesses – there were three people in the courtroom – the bride, the groom, the judge. We have set the date for our religious ceremony, which will be at the synagogue. When I fly to Dallas at the end of the month, she and I will then board a flight to California, and that weekend we will be married under the eyes of G-d… and a few friends who will be gathered to witness our happiness. There are so many things that we have to do between now and then, and I am glad that the rabbi (who is also a friend) is guiding us through it. Last night I ordered the ketubah (the marriage contract, a hand-drawn and calligraphed document that will be signed prior to the ceremony, and then framed and mounted on our wall forever). This morning, I decided to order customized kippot (yarmulkas) – the skullcaps that Jewish men wear, which is so often a tradition that a couple shares with their guests. This afternoon, I will have to speak with a couple of people in California regarding the logistics, food, setup, and everything else. It is a frenzy, and it is exciting! The countdown is officially on.

    Wednesday evening (six days from now) is the beginning of Passover. Not realizing that I would be traveling next week, when I was last in Dallas, I purchased a box of Matzahs. That box will be getting onto yet another international flight, making it a very well-traveled box of unleavened bread! With the expectation that by then I will be safely into best-weight-ever territory, I plan to make a very minor feast, including some of the traditional foods that have always made Pesach one of my favourite Jewish festivals. I will prepare the Pesach plate, I will fill a cup of wine for Elijah the Prophet, and with very few people around the table, I will tell the story of our flight from the bonds of slavery into the dessert, where we wandered for forty years before the descendants of the slaves crossed the Jordan River into Eretz Yisrael. While Matzah is completely not good for my weight loss regimen, I am going to celebrate my holiday… and I will do it weighing less than I have in this millennium.

    Over the last few days, I have been fitting things into my schedule for today, and every time I did, I kept trying to remember what it was that I have scheduled for the evening. I have long said that if it is not in my Outlook, it will not be remembered. This morning, I finally created a recurring event for Tuesdays and Thursdays… my Taekwondo classes! I have a lot of learning to do, or rather relearning. Before I am ready to test for my next belt, I have to relearn every pattern that I had to learn for all of my previous belts… or at least, all of the official patterns. That means I need to relearn eight Taeguk patterns, Koryo, Keumgang, and Taebek. I will also have to learn a pattern called Pyongwon, which I have seen but have never learned. Of course, the patterns are one thing… I also want to vastly improve my form. The major takeaway from my first class on Tuesday is that my kicks are garbage, and I have to work on them… a lot.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to try to stay focused. I have a lot of things I need to get done, starting with my ultrasound. I’ll pack my gym kit so that I can go straight there from the clinic. After that, I will come home, have my meal replacement, and then Princess Sophie and I will head up to see Eduardo and Gladys. I hope to also stop into see Ryan at his job before coming home to teach this evening. Staying on track means that my Saturday I might be there… but I must stay on track!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 434

    I found my belt! I cannot believe how relieved I am by this. I do not know if people who are not martial artists can understand the emotional attachment that we have to our belts, which were in many cases not only awarded to us, but actually wrapped around our waists by Masters and Grandmasters for whom we have such love and respect. While searching high and low for it, I went through every square inch of my apartment, but I also carefully went through the bin that contains all of my old uniforms and belts (back to my white belt), and was reminded that I have a couple of ‘doubles’ – I was working with an organization as a Second Dan Black Belt that wanted me to have a belt with their school name on it – so I am still happy to have ordered a new belt and uniform with the name of the school where I will be training for my next belt. That does not make my original belt any less special. When the new belt and uniform arrive (within the next ten days) I will happily start wearing them, and my original ones will go into the bin. With that said, I will always keep every belt and every uniform from my Taekwondo journey and will always treasure them.

    The islands are calling! This weekend will be so exciting, I can hardly wait! I finally got to the gym yesterday, and knowing how much I enjoy pushing myself, I realized it best that I set an alarm so that I do not do that. I had a 1:30pm appointment that I had to get to, and had I run longer I would have been late. I weighed the benefits of a longer jog versus fifteen minutes in the sauna. Knowing that I was also going to Taekwondo, I opted for the sauna. I hopped into my car after my shower and parked in front of my doctor’s office at 1:29pm.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.6km (7.4km)
    • Duration: 39:09 (53:41)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m01s (7m16s)
    • Steps: 6,075 (8,165)
    • Calories burned: 767 (1,000)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (152)

    I really screwed up when I left the house yesterday. I even wrote in my article that my plan was to: ‘…. take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment).’ Well, guess what? I forgot. I tried to pick up a handful of almonds, but it turns out that this is the week that Bulk Barn is moving, so their old store has closed down and the new store has not opened yet. I could have gone into a convenience store to get a bag, but decided I did not want the temptation of more than 25 almonds. I went to my doctor’s, then after that appointment I drove back to my barber (which is a few blocks from the gym, demonstrating unfortunate planning), and then came home; my second meal replacement of the day, scheduled for 1:00pm, was finally enjoyed a little after 4:00pm. The fact that I did not cheat was a testament to the advancement of my willpower.

    My diet buddy came by for a catch up and we had a shake together. While my second meal replacement was much later than usual, the third was much earlier – rather, it was exactly on time, but only a little over an hour after my second one. I will not make a habit of this. What is important is that I stay on track; moving the times when I have my meal replacements is not a problem (unless, of course, I make it too late at night). Eating more than my meal replacements could be. In any event, it was great to catch up with her. We were both surprised by how good the other looked after only what… three weeks of not meeting? Short-term goals really do lead to long-term success!

    My stomach and bowels have been giving me slight issues these last few days. I do not know if it is because of the food that I had on Saturday and then again on Sunday, or if the teaspoon of fibre that I am adding to my morning shake is doing it to me. I have had a lot of stomach cramps and gas these last few days. Yesterday afternoon I had a second bowel movement in the day (which is unusual but not unheard of for me), and then in the evening I had a third one (which is nearly unheard of). They were both loose and made me think that over the next few days I will pay closer attention to that. I do not know if it is a simple issue of ‘cleansing’ after a couple of cheat meals, or if there is something I should be focused on. For the moment I am going to just keep an eye on it, taking a wait-and-see approach. I opted to not add the usual teaspoon of fibre to my shake this morning.

    Taekwondo was interesting. I was pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to stretch! I am going to have to work on that, as well as my push-ups. That will be something I spend a little bit of time on every day. I was really disappointed by my kicking, but what was I expecting? I had not thrown a kick of any sort in eight months. I will spend a few weeks working on stretching and kicking before I try to dive into my patterns… I want to relearn them the right way, which is going to be slightly and infinitely different from how I learned them when I was seventy-five pounds heavier. It is amazing to think that I am fifty pounds lighter than I was when I tested for my Second Dan Black Belt!

    I was going to bring Princess Sophie to Eduardo’s to meet his wife today, but because of a few other things I need to do, that might put a damper on my schedule. Instead, we will go tomorrow afternoon (and I have already put that into my calendar). I am less concerned with how the wife (who loves dogs) will take to her than I am with how Evita (his cat) will. Brace yourself, it might be a very short visit.

    While it looks sunny and calm outside now, today’s weather does not look promising, with high winds predicted until 3pm, when the rain should be starting. I will not try to chance it by running outside… I will go to the gym, where I can spend much more time on the treadmill than I did yesterday (without the time restraints) … after I spend some time stretching! While I am teaching this evening, I do not have to prepare for class. There will be a few classes in the next few weeks for which I will have to prepare, but tonight’s is not one of them.

    It was only yesterday that I wrote that, ‘…I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning.’ I went on to say that I was 4 lbs. from achieving that. Following a tremendous drop this morning, I am now only 1.4 lbs. from that goal! I am thrilled! How amazing is it that the next time my wife sees me I will almost certainly weigh less than any of my three wives have ever seen me at. In fact, I cannot think of any woman I have been in a serious relationship with since Shani (who I dated when I was in the Army) who has seen me at that weight. I am less than 1.5 lbs. from achieving that, and while it is possible that I will not get there by Saturday morning, it will certainly be within the next few days. That is really so exciting for me! I am jumping out of my skin, knowing that within a few days I will have no more comparative short-term goals… I will no longer be competing with my previous attempts to lose weight, rather I will just be striving to get back into better shape while losing weight.

    I keep looking at the goals that I wrote into this journal on Day 2. I wrote that I would be jogging again, at least 5 miles per day, at least 4 times per week. It took me much longer to start that than I had hoped – I had written it under ‘When I have lost 80lbs.’ – but I am certainly able to run that and am jogging nearly every day. The days when I do not hit 5 miles is usually based on time, but I can certainly do it. I also wrote that, ‘When I have lost 120lbs I will start preparing to run a marathon.’ Yes, one day I would like to run a marathon… but I have too many other things to think about before I do that. If I can keep increasing how far I can jog in a day, then I will eventually get there. It was less than a month ago that I was only able to jog 3km without stopping to walk. I am up to 11.5km now, and that will only keep improving. I wrote that, ‘When I have lost 140lbs I will resume teaching Taekwondo… hopefully in a Size 6 dobok (uniform).’ I am going to make a slight change to this one, because I do not have an organization that requires a teacher. As I approach that milestone, I am officially back at Taekwondo… and preparing for my next belt test. That preparation will take me another six months or so, but I am back at it. I am not in a Size 6 dobok, but my Size 7 dobok fits much better than it ever has before! I guess what I am saying is that the only long-term goals that are left (from my original goals) are to run a marathon, and to take a picture in my Army uniform. I am probably forty pounds from that last one… and if I do not do it, then I will move the goalposts and declare victory.

    My plans for today are to head to the gym for a good stretch, workout, then sauna. I have to try to speak with my rabbi this afternoon and am hoping that I will be able to be home from the gym in time for that. I will stay mindful, and I will remain focused, and I will keep my eyes on the prize. As is often the case after I have had bowel issues, my stomach feels a bit delicate today. I will pay attention to it just in case, but I suspect the issues are behind me… whatever might have caused them. I will do some paperwork, then I will head to the gym. In the afternoon, weather permitting, I will have a video cigar date with my wife before class time. I hope to get a good night’s sleep because I know how important that is to general well-being, not to mention weight loss. With less than 1.5 lbs. to go to that last comparative goal, I will not veer from my meal replacement program. I know that success is within reach, and failure is just one misstep toward that slippery slope.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 433

    A good buddy of mine has lost a great deal of weight in the past year, and posted a picture of himself online showing how his old belt no longer fits. I am so happy for him, and many of us commented positive feedback. He replied to me privately that he knows that I do not like to share my progress publicly, but that he and his wife are also extremely proud of me. It is ironic that people feel that I am not public about my weight loss… I post an article about my progress and successes (and struggles and failures) every single day). I just do not want to share it to my public Facebook feed, where I am going to be bombarded by questions about how I did it… and suggestions on what I should be doing. The questions about how do not bother me, but geez folks, do you really think that telling a man who has lost the equivalent of a whole person’s weight what he should be doing to lose weight? Those comments just piss me off, are the reason I do not post my progress.

    My day went well. Firstly, the car ended up taking half an hour and cost me $40. My transmission is fine, but there was a garbage bag melted onto the bottom of my car, which accounted for the burning smell. While we still have no idea what caused the gearshift issue Sunday, we suspect it was likely a freak anomaly of some sort. When I take my car back in to have the tyres changed mid-April, I will have them flush the transmission fuel, but in the meantime, he suggested I keep driving as I would without worrying. All of this was a tremendous relief… I suspected the issue might end up cost me thousands of dollars!

    From there, I went to the gym… following a text conversation with an old Army buddy. It is always great to catch up with old friends. Hopefully we will have more time to talk soon. While I would have liked to do more, as I was walking into the gym, I got a call asking me for a meeting at 4:00pm. Okay, then I kept it short, taking the opportunity to calibrate my new fitness watch. As it happened, I could have spent another 90 minutes on the treadmill because the 4:00pm appointment was pushed to 5:30pm… and even with that, he was 20 minutes late, which meant that I had seven minutes to talk to the guy before I had to go teach my class. All in all, that is probably not the way to impress them… but then again, they have now four times proven to me that they have no respect for my time, so I don’t know that I’m that disappointed.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 7.4km (11km)
    • Duration: 53:41 (1:27:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m16s (7m57s)
    • Steps: 8,165 (13,750)
    • Calories burned: 1,000 (1,400)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 152 (155)

    My class went well, and then I got a text that was so tempting that I could not resist doing something completely spontaneous. More details on that next week! Yes, I know… that absolutely negates the point of spontaneity… live with your disappointment for the sake of discretion. I have to make some changes to a few things, but next week there will be some excitement!

    Okay, so I have decided to set a new timed short-term goal. I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning. I am four pounds from achieving it, and I have four days to do it. I am going to jog every day, in addition to returning to Taekwondo (Tuesday and Thursday evenings, starting tonight). I am going to stick strictly to my full-fast program, and I am going to do it!

    Next week is the start of Passover, and I have already bought my matzoh (which will be very well-traveled by the time I crack the box open). I will be celebrating the holiday of course and observing it to the best of my ability. It is one of my favourite holidays… and not just for the food! The LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, and he did bring plagues onto those who did enslave them. It sounds to me like a good story for a good Israeli soldier. With that said, I am going to prepare a traditional charoset for some of my people to try. I have never made it before, but as I have gotten a bit more comfortable in the kitchen (and with all of the people who would previously have prepared some of my favourite Jewish dishes gone from this mortal coil) I figure I should give it a try… if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can do it! Oh, and there is the minor coincidence that it is (and always has been) one of my most beloved treats that you only get for two days out of the year!

    Once I finish this journal entry, I have a few tasks to do, and then I will go to the gym. In the afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, followed by my haircut. The company I interviewed with today asked me my availability for the rest of the week so that might change… but knowing how they have scheduled and rescheduled and delayed the last two interviews I strongly suspect that my plans for the day will not be interrupted. We shall see though, right? One never knows. In the evening, my diet buddy is coming by around 5:30pm, and we will share our first meal replacement together ever. It will be too late for coffee (unless I don’t want to get any sleep), so a chocolate shake will be the order of the day. I was told today in no uncertain terms that I had better get my rest in preparation for the spontaneity. Late-night coffee is not in the cards this week! Of course, after that I will go to my first Taekwondo class since the summer… it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to jogging in the morning and then doing martial arts in the evening… and at a lower weight than I have been in over twenty years!

    Leslie mentioned today that she missed our Saturday morning cigars and latté dates. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… we are going to coordinate so that we each pick up our lattés from our local Starbucks and we can make it work… even if it is in the Rectangle Zone. I am literally counting down the days until we can be together again, and the number is always too high. I really miss her and hate that we have to be apart. Hopefully, the next time we are together I will be at my lowest weight ever… I really love that every time she sees me, I am so much lighter than the previous time. I want to keep succeeding for her… and of course for myself.

    My morning got away from me. I had a lot of small issues to take care of, but a couple of them took much longer than expected. I am almost ready to go, but I do not know that I will be able to go to the gym… at least, not for as long as I would have liked. I have packed everything that I need for the gym (as well as my Taekwondo kit) to take to the car, and I will head out. I should remember to take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment). As long as I keep my eye on the clock, I should be okay, but I should head out now.

    What are my plans for the day? Stay focused, stay mindful, stay on track. There is no way that I will get onto the plane Saturday morning at my best weight ever if I veer even a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 430

    I went to the gym as expected yesterday. I beat my distance record, although I know that my calibration is off, so I honestly do not know how far I jogged. I will try to try to calibrate it properly tomorrow… or whenever I am next on the treadmill. I am now putting a double asterisk next to my treadmill distances because I honestly do not know. When I jogged in the street the other day, at least I know that was an honest 10km. I did calibrate one kilometre of my jog to the treadmill (thinking that would fix everything – it did not) and I saw that my pace on the treadmill is no different from what I jog outside. That is a good thing.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • pb Distance: 13.45 km (7.25 km)
    • Duration: 1:18:45 (57:03)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 6m00s (7m53s)**
    • Steps: 11,350 (8,850)
    • pb Calories burned: 1,626 (754)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    Following the gym, I decided to take a giant plunge. I stopped at the Taekwondo school owned and operated by an old instructor of mine – the one where I took a few classes back in the summer – and had a great chat with him. I told him that I am ready to start training, and he welcomed me back. We discussed the issues that had made me uncomfortable in the summer, and he felt terrible about them. I told him not to worry, and he told me I can start coming in for the adult classes which are Tuesday and Thursday evenings… which works out perfectly, as I am teaching Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings!

    I was surprised, after I came home, that I was hungry. I then looked at the clock and realized that it was 3:15pm, and I had only had one meal replacement so far. I prepared and drank my second shake, and then sat out on the balcony with a cigar. Okay, that is not entirely accurate. First, I went to get changed for my evening class… which gave me the opportunity to try on my Taekwondo kit. It fits perfectly… it might be a little big, but probably not big enough to need to order a new one. I will ask the Master if I can try on the smaller size, but I suspect that for the next few months I will stick with what I have. Anyhow, I did squeeze my three shakes in throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, spacing them out appropriately.

    My weight was up again this morning despite my being true to the program yesterday… and the excellent workout. I know that my cheat day on Thursday (and by cheat I am referring more to the pop chips and the late eating than to the steak and salad I had mid-afternoon) was going to have consequences, and I am not going to be upset by this. I know that as I continue to do the right thing, the weight will continue to come off. I am not going to let that stop me from living. Yes, it would have been nice to see a significant drop in my weight this morning, but it did not come, and I will see it tomorrow or Monday. We move on. I am in a place where I am not going to beat myself up over a series of conscious decisions that led to two days of slight gains… and even with them did not bring me back above the 260 lbs. mark (although it was close).

    I know I kicked butt this week on my exercising, and I think I am going to take the weekend off… or at least, I am going to take today off. Tomorrow I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and I will follow my plan, but if I cannot then I will come home and lace up the running shoes. I think I can resist the temptations to be bad though; if he does want to go to Lone Star then I will have my salad but will not touch the chips. Frankly, whichever of his regular haunts he wants to go to I will follow that same plan. Eat… but not overeat and eat smart. I expect that had I been able to follow that throughout my 20s-40s then I would not be where I am today. That’s life, we learn, we move on. My diet buddy is coming over for coffee tomorrow afternoon and we will catch up after our trips. I hope she has made the same kind of progress that I have.

    My plans for today… if I am not going to the gym (and it is rainy and cold outside) then I don’t know… I will reach out to some of the boys and see if they want to connect for a cigar. Maybe I will crack my Taekwondo book (which I did dig out) and spend a couple of hours reviewing the patterns that I will need to re-learn. I am also going to spend a little bit of time trying to track down my belt, which seems to have gone missing. I will see if I accidentally put it into my storage locker, or if it is just in my gym bag and I did not see it. It might also be in my car… but wherever it might be, I have to track it down. Aside from the expense of replacing it, there is also an emotional connection to it. I might also spend an hour or two doing some studying for my next exam. We will see. Looking out the window, it is one of those days where you want to just crawl back into bed and stay there… but I want to try to be productive in at least some way. Maybe I will go to the gym… after all, my schedule for tomorrow will not comfortably allow it, so I have a built-in day off right there. Hey! Maybe I’ll go to the gym and use one of the private rooms to work on my patterns. Hmm, there’s an idea! Maybe I’ll do that. I should download the videos for the first ten patterns to my iPad and head over there.

    All in all, I have to stay mindful and remember that I am so much closer to my ultimate goal than I have been in… well… ever, really. I am five pounds from my best adult weight ever, and I see no reason to stop doing what I have been doing. I might start introducing small meals every couple of weeks, but I don’t think that is going to hurt me terribly.

    Have a great day folks!