Losing a part of me

Category: Jogging

  • Day 429

    After serious thinking and discussion with the woman I love I decided this afternoon that I was going to defrost and prepare a steak. I told Leslie that I wanted to do a really good jog first, but I have been tempted too much these last few days, and I was going to eat smart. I tried to do a 10km jog, but that proved too much. I jogged 7.25km and walked the remaining 3km to get home, which did give me the 10km that I was hoping to achieve. Before I even showered, I jumped into the car to go to the supermarket to pick up some vegetables to make a salad. I came home, showered, got dressed, and prepared my meal. It was delicious! My housekeeper had unearthed a bag of pop chips, and I devoured those as well. That was a terrible decision, but much better to do it with pop chips than with potato chips. Knowing that I had the remaining vegetables in the fridge, I weighed the options of having another cheat day today, or just making another salad in the evening. I opted for the second choice, which I prepared with the last package of smoked salmon that Leslie had given me for my birthday. It was delicious! I hope now that the temptations of fast-food restaurants and deep-fried chicken wings will be behind me. In other words: sorry, not sorry.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 7.25 km (6.02 km)
    • Duration: 57:03 (33:05)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m53s (5m29s)
    • Steps: 8,850 (5,065)
    • Calories burned: 754 (720)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am back on track today, but I am starting to realign my thinking. With the tremendous progress that I have made, especially in these last two months of being on the full-fast program (excepting for my trips to Dallas), it might be time for me to start looking at an endgame… a time to start weening myself off the full-fast program, and in fact working toward being off any programs. I have said recently that my intention is to get through two more months on the full-fast (excepting, of course, another trip to Dallas), and then to begin transitioning off the program. That transition might take many forms, and it would not be a quick process, but it is something to start thinking about. I am also thinking, after yesterday’s multi-meal indulgence, that over my last couple of months – that is, between now and when I start transitioning – it might not be so horrible to have a healthy planned cheat meal every two weeks, or every week, or whatever that might end up looking like. I will give it some thought over the next few days.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale with the full expectation that I would have gained two pounds, taking me back over the 260 lbs. mark. In fact, I gained only .6 lb. which was a much more reasonable result from the decisions I made yesterday. In truth, had I stopped with the steak and salad, I likely would have lost an ounce or two this morning; also, I know the evils of eating late at night, and preparing my fish and salad at 9:30pm was counterintuitive. I am back on track today, and I will recover what little ground I lost in my journey over the next couple of days.

    Today is Friday, March 24th. I am planning to go to the gym today, seeing as the weather will be cloudy and cool. In fact, looking at the ten-day forecast, there will not be too many days that promise enjoyable outdoor running conditions, so I will likely be spending quite a bit of time on the treadmill. As long as I go today, I will be continuing my streak – I have jogged every day since Monday, for a total of 31km jogging. Today will be Day 5 of that streak, and I am planning for at least 10km today. There is a Garmin Connect badge that I would collect if I can do one fifteen-kilometre jog during the month of March, and I might try for that… but I also will not push myself too hard. I have to listen to my body and let pain be my guide.

    I find it hilarious that my gluteus maximus muscles are aching these last couple of weeks; Until a few months ago, my posterior would hurt most often from sitting on it for long stretches of time. Knowing that it is aching because of the tremendous amount of jogging I have been doing makes me want to make them ache more! That is not to say that I have not thought about finding a decent massage place that might be able to make those muscles (and the rest of them) ache less, but that is not my number one priority right now. I am a strange bird in a lot of respects. I consider the aches that I am feeling my body’s penance for neglecting it for so long. While there are days when I take a couple of aspirin (I think I did that one day this week), that has been the extent of my need to deal with any discomfort. Well… that and readjusting how I am sitting a few times!

    There is a song that I remember learning from a buddy who was a sergeant on a base that I served on for a couple of months. Funny, I do not remember his name, but I remember him walking up to where I was standing post and singing ‘Today is Friday… and tomorrow is the Sabbath, the Sabbath for us to rest.’ The thing was that he was singing it to me on a Tuesday, and I kept yelling (in jest) ‘LIAR!’ Well, today really is Friday, and while I do have to teach this evening, tomorrow really is the Sabbath. I will remember the Sabbath as holy as I always do… observing the Fourth Commandment (as it is written in Exodus 20:8. I am afraid that I do not observe the Sabbath Day as holy as the Commandment decrees in Deuteronomy 5:12) by lighting the candles this evening and reciting the blessings and praying for the health of my family and friends. The list of my friends for whom I pray continues to grow, which is sad. I do not mean prayers for general well-being, of course. I mean the list of my friends who are sick. A number of them have cancer and are undergoing treatment for that. Two were in terrible automobile accidents and continue to recover. So many others are going through so many different health-related issues that I sometimes feel guilty that I am, for the most part, in perfect health. I am still obese, but I am not morbidly so as I was. My gout has not bothered me in months (thanks to a pill that I remember to take every morning). My ADHD is under control (thanks to the other pill that I remember to take every morning). When I pray for Sophie and Marty and Sean and so many other friends who are hopefully going to get better I also thank Hashem that I am not in their place. I am truly blessed to be in good health, and I hope going forward to never take that for granted… as I did for so many years by ignoring the importance of a healthy body weight.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to stay focused. A ten (or more) kilometre jog on the treadmill will be nice, but it will not be an excuse to have a second consecutive cheat day. I do have some work to do on my teaching workstation today – I noticed a lot of slowdowns on it recently and decided that refreshing the operating system was just what the doctor ordered. Of course, that also means that I have to reinstall a lot of my applications, and that I have to log on to my class a few minutes earlier than I normally would, just to make sure that all of the tools I need to teach have been reinstalled. While I am on the treadmill I might try to calibrate my fitness watch because I am pretty sure that while it does great when running on the street (it has a great GPS in it), it is not properly calibrated for my pace on the treadmill. I will set a lower pace on the machine, and then try to get it properly calibrated so that my future measurements – as I get more into shape and more into running – will be more accurate. While I do plan to finish my pot of coffee today (and hopefully I will remember to buy more fake milk), I have no plans to consume anything else beyond my meal replacements. If needed, I will also pop a throat lozenge during class. I do not know if the bathroom scale will reflect it tomorrow morning or the next, but my weight loss progress will resume, and I know that what I have been doing is working. I will keep that up!

    I have reached out to my diet buddy who will likely be coming over tomorrow or Sunday for a cup of coffee. Once she confirms which day works better for her I will reach out to my son the younger and I will take him out for lunch the other day of the weekend. I will not be eating with him though… and if he insists on going back to Lone Star Texas Grill then I am going to use it as an opportunity to prove that my resolve is stronger than my desires, and that I do not have to succumb to every temptation. I hope he picks somewhere else though… but I have not seen him in a month, and ultimately it will be his choice. Feigning a stomach virus so that I do not have to order food is not a bad idea, but not eating those chips is more important. I am going to start thinking about that now and will go into whatever restaurant he chooses with the resolve to stay on track.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 428

    I was prepared from the moment I opened my eyes to open today’s journal entry with words like: ‘The scale giveth, the scale taketh away.’ After a huge drop yesterday, I was certain that I would be giving some of it back this morning. I did have a good bowel movement, and I was hoping that the increase would not be too bad. I knew that if I was back above the 260 lbs. mark I would be upset. In fact, my weight dropped again! It was not a significant drop – only .2 lb. – but down is better than up.

    After coming in with Her Floofness I made my coffee and morning shake, and then was prepared to sit down at my desk and to enter my morning weight into the comparative chart from 2020… and then I realized that I do not need to do that anymore! I have surpassed that goal, and that spreadsheet is no longer relevant. I might maintain it for the next few weeks just to see how much better I do… I might even expand it to using it for the long term to see how while in 2020 I lost ground, this time I am going all the way to the top. It is probably because it is another numbers thing that I can use – I am comforted by numbers – but the truth is that whether I continue with that spreadsheet or not, I have beaten it.

    My next short-term goal is absolutely unbelievable… as so many of them have been. My previous two milestones were comparing my weight loss to that of three and six years ago… both reasonably recent, since my second divorce. I had kids, a career, all of that. My next milestone is a lot harder to conceive. I am now less than four pounds from achieving my best ever weight. When I drop below 255 lbs., I will weigh less than I did at any point in the millennium. When I last achieved that weight, I was married to my first wife, although it was the last week of our marriage. Facebook existed, but it was still only available to high school and university students. While I had passed two Microsoft certification exams, I would not earn my first senior certification until later in the year (the end of May), and it would be another year and a half before I would achieve the Microsoft Certified Trainer credential that has been the lifeblood of so much of my success. Paul Martin was Prime Minister of Canada, and George W. Bush had been sworn in for his second term the previous month. If it is not this month (today is March 23rd) then it will be very early in April when I will surpass this weight goal.

    …and then what? I am going to have to figure out another way to mark my accomplishments. I have written so often of the importance of short-term goals for weight loss success, but until now I have always had these comparisons to myself to beat. Will I simply revert to striving for decades? The 250 and 240 marks and so on are great. I am going to have to give this all some thought.

    My first next goal should be my Size-36 pants. I have seven pair of them that still do not fit, and I would like to be able to wear them comfortably. I am not going to even entertain the notion of Size-34 yet, as that is not a realistic short-term goal. I do not own a pair of them. However, it’s look at what I can realistically achieve in the next thirty days:

    • Best-Weight-Ever (255 lbs.)
    • 250 lbs. Milestone
    • Size-36 pants (all of them)
    • Jog 15km
    • 240 lbs. Milestone

    I have shortened the definition of short-term goals for this list only. Usually I have it at 45-days. On February 27 (Day 404) I set out six goals, three of which I have accomplished. Of the remaining three, two are on this list… but the third one – drop out of the Obese Class I classification into the Overweight category is still most likely outside the 30-day boundary. I will get there, and I will likely do it before the end of May (I am approximately 28 lbs. away), but to expect that kind of weight loss in thirty days is simply unrealistic.

    I did go to the gym yesterday, and I found a treadmill that seems to be more cooperative than the other ones. That is to say, it did not arbitrarily end my workout because I refuse to hold on to the sensors. My Garmin Connect app is telling me that I set a new personal record with the fasted 5k I have run yet. I strongly suspect that if I were to take the time to properly calibrate the watch to the treadmill that a lot of my paces would be wrong, this one included. I will try to remember to do that today… or at least, I will do it the next time I go to the gym, which will be today or tomorrow.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 6.02 km (10.1 km)
    • Duration: 33:05 (1:22:34)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m29s (8m11s)
    • Steps: 5,065 (12,795)
    • Calories burned: 720 (1,243)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    I did wake up this morning with some achiness in my knee, but that is completely gone now. I rubbed some Voltaren into it, but I suspect the pain was just my normal ‘I’ve been lying down too long and my knee hurts because of it’ issues. I will make a mental note to remember if it continues throughout the next few days. For the moment, I will continue to try to jog… and if it starts to hurt, I will listen to my body and slow down or take breaks or stop… whatever I have to do.

    I am off to the dentist now, and I have a meeting as soon as I am back. Hopefully I will be able to get some studying in, as well as a jog. It would be nice to run outside, so if the rain is not too bad then I will. Otherwise, I will go to the gym, with the ever-luxuriant post-run sauna. We’ll see.

    Once again, my plan is to stay on track. Last night some of my students were discussing McDonald’s and I was tempted to go out and have a meal… or to just defrost the steak that I have in my freezer to enjoy today. I am not going to give in to these urges and temptations just yet… but once I am below the 250 lbs. point, I might consider introducing the occasional meal. We’ll see… but not today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 427

    After an extremely productive bowel movement, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and was shocked. I cannot remember the last time I saw a one-day weight drop of more than four pounds, but there it was. In a single day, completely unexpectedly, I not only dropped below the 260-pounds mark… but I blew right past my best weight from 2020 (by over 1.5 lbs.), beating the pace I had set on my comparative chart by a full three weeks. You see, on February 3 I looked at what I weighed, and realizing that I was 24.8 lbs. from my best weight of 2020, I decided to create a chart of my daily weigh-ins from that attempt. It took be sixty-nine days to lose those 24.8 lbs. back then, with a lot of hiccoughs along the way. In 2023 it took me forty-eight days. I am now solidly in best-weight-yet territory, and I am less than four pounds from achieving my best adult weight that I have any reliable record of. I am blown away, and more motivated than ever to keep going!

    According to the app that is connected to my bathroom scale, my Body Mass Index (BMI) this morning is 33.2, a tremendous one-day drop. It was a scant nineteen days ago that it dropped (for the final time) below 35. Mornings like this, when I see a huge and unexpected drop on the bathroom scale, make me look at things more finely than I usually do. Frankly, of late I know that I have spent a lot of time obsessing over my numbers and charts. I know that I have to start tempering this obsession with my weight loss, but on days like today that can be tough. After seeing the doctor, I will drive into Toronto to pick up my meal replacements, then I will come right back home, finish this entry (and publish it on my blog), and I will go about the rest of my day. For now, as I sit here at 7:45am, I am happy to take a few moments to kvell.

    There is a challenge on one of the apps I use to track my progress called You Vs. The Year 2023. The goal is to walk or run 1,023 kilometres in the calendar year. There are some pretty sweet prizes that those who complete the challenge can win (there will be a raffle). I only discovered the challenge a couple of days ago, but all of my walking and running from the beginning of the year are counted. Checking out the leaderboard I have actually run/walked nearly 200km… although that number is likely slightly higher, since only two workouts per day can be counted. I know there was a day a few weeks ago when I ran then walked then ran then walked, and that was four workouts… two of those would be discarded. So be it. I also see that of the 130,301 people currently enrolled in the challenge, I am ranked 32,700… nowhere near the top, but in the top twenty-five percent. I am quite happy with that!

    I picked Kerry up from the train station (as is the custom), so it was not until we got to my building that I stood up and she saw me. ‘How are you so thin? What happened to you? Did you leave part of yourself in Dallas?’ It felt amazing to hear her notice my weight loss. When we got upstairs, I showed her the most recent before/after photos and she was astonished. To put things in perspective, I am now fifteen pounds from having lost her body weight. That is a real trip!

    My outdoor jog yesterday was tougher than I thought it would be, but with a few short breaks to breathe I was able to complete a 10km outdoor run for the first time. There is an obvious difference between the mapping software I used to calculate the route in advance and the actual route, because what I had mapped at just short of 11km prior to setting out would have been short of 10km, and I only reached that number because there was a very long freight train that impeded my forward progress, so I circled back twice (nearly a full kilometre in total) waiting for it to pass. Most likely, the difference can be chalked up to running on the close sidewalk, rather than driving in the far lane of traffic. No matter, I did my first outdoor 10km run, and I feel great for it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1 km (8 km)
    • Duration: 1:22:34 (45:43)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m11s (5m42s)
    • pb Steps: 12,795 (6,390)
    • Calories burned: 1,243 (636)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am feeling like I can do anything… knowing that I am down so significantly since I left for Dallas just thirteen days ago (and remembering all of the cheating eating I did in that time) I have to wonder how long it might take me to get down to my ideal weight, whatever that might be. I cannot imagine that it will take me the rest of this calendar year but am going to remain cautiously optimistic. If my rate of loss were to drop to 2.8 lbs. per week then on my birthday, I would weigh less than 220 lbs. … a 115-lbs. drop from my last birthday. Before the middle of August, I would drop below 200 lbs., which I have not weighed since I was a teenager. I only have to stay focused and on track… but at a certain point, I am going to have to start listening to my body for signs that it is enough. As I have said, I do not know what I should weigh as a healthy fifty-year-old male. According to the BMI Calculator, I will not be ‘healthy’ until I drop to 194 pounds, which means I am less than sixty-five pounds away. I am 26 pounds from dropping from Obese Class I to Overweight, which will be a great accomplishment, but I still feel I am a couple of months away from hitting that goal… not quite a short-term goal yet.

    I am off to my doctor’s appointment and will find out what I weigh on his scale this morning. Last night I told Leslie how wonderful it would be to drop another 2kg from my last weigh-in. As it stands, if my bathroom scale is any indicator, that loss might be closer to an unheard of 5kg. The now very real possibility that in just over 90 minutes I will know if I have not only dropped below 120 kg, but also surpassed the 60kg lost mark simply blows my mind! If I do not make that, then I will still be down, and will have another milestone to look forward to two weeks from now.

    Shock and disbelief are words that continue to describe my reactions this morning. It is currently 11:45am. Just four hours ago I wrote that I was hoping my official weigh-in would have me down better than 2kg, although my bathroom scale was measuring me down nearly 5kg. The reality was much closer to that latter number than the former. I was floored to see I have dropped 4.7kg in two weeks. I have officially lost 60.8kg (134 lbs.) since my journey began. How can that be?

    Driving into Toronto I spoke with my wife about everything I discussed with the doctor, including my response to his question ‘what is your final goal.’ As I have written herein several times, I told him that I do not know. I did decide, however, that on June 1 I will be transitioned back onto regular food. I discussed this with Leslie, and she told me that she supports me as long as I no longer see myself as a fat man. I responded that might take a lot longer and we discussed the psychological effects of long-term obesity.

    I mentioned June 1 as my end date for a few reasons, but I do not think I had discussed it with anyone (nor written it down) before. The only reason it came to mind today was because the nurse at the clinic where I buy my meal replacements informed me that on that date the price of the products will be going up. While that is the reason I thought of it today, the price increase is not the reason I made that decision. I should mention that I will very likely buy another case of the meal replacements right before the price increase; Doing the math, and taking into consideration my next trip to Dallas, I would finish my current allotment plus one more case of the meal replacements on June 4. If I purchase one more case, that will allow me four more weeks of the full-fast program… but I am planning to use the final case to transition off of the full-fast at a measured and reasonable pace. While I have a couple of months ahead of me to think about it, my transition off of the program is something I will have to give consideration to. I will start discussing that plan with my doctor at our next appointment.

    It is a cloudy day outside, and while the temperatures are forecast to reach 7° by 6:00pm, I still think I am going to opt for a trip to the gym today. The treadmill is not as liberating as is jogging outside, but it does force me to push myself harder; I do not know why my pace on the treadmill is so much quicker than it is outside, but it is. Of course, the gym also allows me the added bonus of the post-workout sauna, which feeling my muscles today will be welcome relief. I am teaching this evening, which means I will be spending a great deal of time sitting down; a quick Google search confirms that some of the muscles I should be feeling with my increased jogging are also the ones I find myself sitting on!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 426

    I have mentioned before that one of my fitness tracking apps (Garmin Connect) awards badges for many different accomplishments, including your first activity of any distance. I was scrolling through my collection of badges yesterday and came across the 10K Run badge, which I assumed would have been earned last week. Not so… it seems that I earned it in August of 2012. I had almost forgotten that for a few weeks in that month I had a Garmin watch, and that I used it a few times before losing it (I believe it was left behind in a hotel room in Miami, although the hotel denied it at the time). Looking back at that activity I cannot help but assume that this was not a jog at all, rather a walk… but that I had not properly configured the watch. Knowing what my average pace is today for both walking and jogging, it is impossible to imagine that I was jogging at a pace of 10m54s per kilometre… even at whatever my weight would have been around then (looking at my records I see that it was between 300-310 lbs.). My average walking pace now is under 10m per kilometre, and for jogging that drops to between 7m30s and 8m15s, depending on whether I am on the streets or on a treadmill. I see that the device was a Garmin Forerunner 410 (an early predecessor to my new Forerunner 255). Looking at the image of it, I do not recognize it. Of course, that was a different life; I was a month past my fortieth birthday and had no idea how many failures I would encounter before finally finding success with my weight loss journey. Is this the ultimate success, where I will actually be slim forever? I hope so. I do find it amusing that according to the same app, I only earned the 5K Run badge last month.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 8 km (5 km)
    • Duration: 45:43 (41:43)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m42s (7m29s)
    • Steps: 6,390 (6,350)
    • Calories burned: 636 (551)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (157)

    Yesterday I did end up at the gym and got extremely frustrated with the treadmills. If you do not keep your hands on the sensors, they stop after a few minutes. That is extremely frustrating as I enjoy moving my arms as I would exactly if I were running on the streets or on a trail. Hopefully today and the rest of this week I will be able to jog outside, although the forecast from Wednesday through Saturday is for rain and snow. Hopefully during the day, I will be able to get it done.

    While it was a little chilly and windy for my liking, I still decided to sit on the balcony with a cigar in the afternoon. After my jog I did take my hydro massage, followed by a quick shower, then fifteen minutes in the sauna, and then another more thorough shower. I stepped onto the scale at the gym (which I do not consider authoritative) and was thrilled to see that I weigh much less than the last time I stepped onto the same scale – by about forty pounds. I have not been taking full advantage of my gym membership, but that does not mean that I have not been exercising and working out. I have certainly lost a good amount of weight since my last visit there, and I only wish that my personal trainer had been there to see the difference from the last time she saw me!

    I do not think my mood was so bad yesterday. Today might be a better indicator, although I am also hoping that my increased exercising will give me endorphins that will help to counterbalance the crabbiness that might come with the first days of the full fast. I will try to get out again today, but if things hold up then I will be running outside rather than at the gym. The forecast is for a mostly sunny day with high temperatures around 8°, which would be perfect weather for a jog as long as I remember to suit up in warm layers. The shorts and t-shirt that I was able to get away with in Dallas would be less than ideal. Fortunately, Leslie and I picked out a couple of pair of sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirts at the outlet mall; combined with a jacket (and gloves should they be necessary) and I will be perfectly prepared for the great outdoors.

    I got a message from the clinic in Toronto last night that their shipment of my meal replacements is only arriving today, so my drive into town will be delayed by twenty-four hours. As I have plenty of product left, that will not be an inconvenience at all… especially since my cleaning lady is coming today, so if I was going to drive into Toronto, I would have to be back in time for that, which would greatly impact the window I have open to jog outside in the good weather. Tomorrow the weather will be slightly cooler and cloudy, but that does not mean that I will not be able to jog outside… only that I will have to plan my jog smarter. The forecast for Thursday is warmer but wet… I do not really mind jogging when it is warm and drizzling, but unless the temperature prediction is off by fifteen degrees, Thursday I will be back on the treadmill.

    It felt amazing last week when I put on one of my casual dress shirts that had not fit just a few months ago, only to realize that it was too big to wear. That shirt, along with another from the same era, went into the ‘donate to charity’ bag at Leslie’s. What I was not thinking about at the time was that I am now down to only two long-sleeve shirts in that category. I am not planning on buying more… we are only a few short weeks away from my being able to switch to golf shirts for the season, and for the days that I teach I will be wearing dress shirts anyways. When I got back to Canada, I optimistically tried on some of my Size-36 pants, but they are still a few pounds away from fitting. That is frustrating not so much because I am overeager, but because my Size-38 pants (especially the jeans) are now quite loose on me. There is no in-between!

    When I spoke with my wife last night, I told her that I was thrilled with my weight drop from the previous day, but I knew that it was a travel day, and that I expected I was going to give back a bit of it this morning. Far from it! According to the bathroom scale, this morning I dropped another two pounds. That puts me a full 6.4 lbs. ahead of my 2020 pace. Looking at the chart from 2020, I see that I drop nearly two pounds over the next two days before gaining back nearly three pounds. I also see that on that chart I vacillate over the next 2.5 weeks between a low of 266.6 and a high of 271.6, which I would hit for the last time seventeen days from now. In 2023 I am hoping that in six or seven days I am down three more pounds, which will push me below my best weight from 2020… which would have me beating my 2020 pace by a full seventeen days. Unlike in 2020, I do not plan to stop there. I plan to keep losing weight until my Army uniform fits perfectly… and probably beyond that.

    As I have mentioned before, I do not know how much weight I want to lose because it has been so long since I was slim… and when I was, I was a lot more muscular than I expect I will be now. Until I modified it a couple of days ago, I had one app on my phone configured to a goal of 210 lbs. I changed that to 195 lbs., for no good reason that I can think of. I do not know at what point I will have the body that I want. I do know that I do not want to be forever obsessed with my body and weight loss. Just yesterday, Leslie pointed out to me how front-of-mind it is for me, and she is right. It is not enough that I write about it daily (and at great length), but I also talk about it a lot. I have to stop doing that. While it is fine that I still want to lose the rest of the excess weight, but I have to stop being obsessed with it. Focus is good, mindful is great; obsession to the point of mania is probably not a good thing. I will start to pay closer attention to that and remember that the fact that I am doing so well does not mean that I should be so single-minded about it. One of my better qualities (I have always thought) was my eclectic nature, and ability to discuss myriad topics. I would not be surprised if someone listening in on any conversation I had when I was in Dallas would have heard ‘bla bla Cigars bla bla Jogging bla bla Weight Loss.’ It is time to go back to being ME. I will continue taking time out of my morning to write in my journal, and I will continue to jog and exercise, and I will continue to stick to my program… but I will try to get back to being a more well-rounded and less boring and repetitive me.

    While it is still cold (2°) now, it looks to be warming up by several degrees over the next hour, so I will plan to head out around 10:30am. I just mapped out a route that looks to be just under 11 kms which suits me fine, although I would like to try to complete a fifteen-kilometre jog by the end of this month. I know that my pace will not come close to what I am able to achieve on the treadmill and that is okay by me. If I can average under 8.5 minutes per kilometre then I will be a very happy man. I only wish the provincial parks did not charge such high fees, or I would drive out to either Bronte Creek or Rattlesnake Point for a more nature-inspired jog. Perhaps once the weather is a bit warmer, I will start doing that, but for now I think I will stick to the roads.

    I stuck to the program yesterday; I plan to stick to the program today. I am loving my progress, and I do not want to falter. Focus and mindfulness will get me through to my ultimate success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 423

    I broke another record on the treadmill yesterday. Knowing that my plan was to only run 5km, I set the pace at 4.5mph and was able to keep that pace for the entire workout. In fact, I did 5.5km because I wanted to make sure I did the 3mi as well, whether or not I was breaking records or personal bests. I also earned that 5km weekend running badge that I thought was for last weekend.

    I have walked or jogged either on the treadmill, in the streets, or at the mall every day this week except for one, and I am shocked by what I have been able to accomplish. It was only five weeks ago that I set out on my first jog, which did not amount to a full 2.5km. It was only two weeks ago that I did a combined 11km jogging and walking, but the jogging was in two ‘sets’ of 3km, each followed by walking. I never thought that just a couple of weeks later I would be jogging more than I am walking. Tuesday’s 8.2km jog was a real shock for me, and Thursday’s 11km run blew my mind. I knew that if I was going to jog Friday, I would have to set limits for myself… not because I do not want to push myself, but because I have obligations and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Leslie.

    These last fourteen months (it will be fourteen months on Monday!) have been a challenge, but I think I have finally hit my tipping point. Whatever weightlifting or other exercise I have done, and even walking (and I did a lot of walking throughout last spring and summer), I know it has always been jogging that has caused me to shed the pounds best. When combined with proper eating habits, I know that when I run I am going to have an easier time, with a steadier weight loss pace. If I can keep it up throughout the spring and summer, whether outdoors or at the gym, then I know that I will be able to achieve those short-term goals that I have been trying for. If I average a weekly loss of 3.5 lbs. then I will beat my 2020 best by March 30 (less than two weeks away), and my best adult weight on April 10. Those are milestones worth celebrating! For now, I am just happy that this visit to Dallas has been a successful one in almost every way, but with regard to my weight loss, going home weighing less than I did when I arrived is a huge victory for me.

    I should mention that I am very close to being able to claim a 130-pound weight loss. That blows my mind! This morning the bathroom scale reads 265.8 lbs., which is absolutely blowing my mind. I am 5.4 lbs. from my best weight in 2020, and I am 10.8 lbs. from my best adult weight. More important for the very short-term is that I am 3 lbs. down from my best weight before my trip, and 3.6 lbs. down from the morning I flew down to Dallas. That drop in one week would be acceptable in any circumstances, but knowing how much I have eaten this past week… I am just amazed, once again, that I can lose weight while eating. That gives me hope that when it is time to wean myself off the program I will be able to maintain my weight, as long as I am mindful about it.

    Last night after class Leslie prepared the leftover Chinese food along with some wonderful chicken and lamb skewers that we both enjoy. Because it was the Sabbath, we also shared a bottle of sparkling wine. Normally I can take it or leave it, but the bottle she chose for yesterday was very tasty, and I enjoyed my fair share of it. I had been worried the previous evening because I had some of the rice with my dinner, but I did the same last night without worrying about the consequences. As it turns out, there were none! I will say that yesterday I ate more than I usually do throughout the day – we had a salad for lunch, but I also had two handfuls of almonds and another meal replacement shake throughout the day. I am learning that I have to listen to my body when it tells me that I need calories, especially on the days that I exercise. It is great to have a caloric deficit resulting in weight loss; it is not wonderful when you are lightheaded and almost collapse midday from that caloric deficit.

    Today is, sadly, my last full day in Dallas. It is the last day that I will both wake up with and go to sleep next to my wife until the end of April, which always makes us both sad. Fortunately I have booked my next trip down, but there is only so much that we can do. Will the State Department get off their heinies and let me live with my wife please? We will make the most of the day though… we have things to do, but we will start with our now traditional weekend latté and cigar on the balcony, and we will end it with a lovely dinner out for which we will get dressed to the nines. We are hoping that her new dress arrives today, but if it does not then I still know that she will look fabulous in whatever she wears. As for me, the uniform of the evening will be my blue suit, which is the only one I brought with me.

    I went to the optometrist yesterday and picked out a new pair of sunglasses. I was really hoping they would be able to switch the lenses from my current pair (which are falling apart) with the previous pair (which are in perfect shape, just the wrong prescription). The lenses are almost identical in shape, but only different enough to prevent them from doing that. I will wear the decrepit pair for the next five weeks, and then will switch to the new pair… which is radically different (but not at all radical). They are also a fancy brand name (which I confess I had never heard of), which will be a change from my previous several pair. Leslie likes me in them, and I confess I like the new look too.

    The weather today is not great, but there is no precipitation forecast the next few days. We will probably need sweaters to sit on the balcony, but we are both fine with that. After that, we will head out to run our errands and enjoy the day… and we will try to forget that I have to leave tomorrow. That is a sword hanging over our heads that always makes both of us sad. I will stay mindful today and will be good and true to my modified program, especially knowing that Monday morning I am back on the full-fast for the next five months.

    I have given some thought to how long I plan to stay on the full-fast program, as well as the modified program. If I lose an average of .4 lb. per day (2.8 lbs. per week) consistently for the next four months, then on my birthday I will weigh about 222 lbs., which is absolutely incredible to me. If I lose an average of 3.5 lbs. per week (.5 lb. per day) then I will be at 210 lbs. Either way, as long as I do not have a terrible period of stagnation, I will be off the program by then – probably by July 1, a few days before that. As amazing that it is to me that I lost 100 lbs. in the first year of the program, it is absolutely inconceivable to me that from my birthday last year – by which point I had already lost sixty pounds – to my birthday this year, if I stay on this track then I will lose between 110-120 lbs. in the 365 days. If that is not something to strive for then I don’t know what is. To put that in perspective of the lulls and plateaus in my journey, one year ago today I weighed exactly ninety pounds less than I did this morning. All sorts of wow.

    I have picked up the latté and I am going to sit on the balcony relaxing. Today will be a day devoid of any stresses or obligations. The only thing that I (quite unfortunately) have to do today is pack… which makes me terribly sad. In an hour or so I am going to get a notice that it is time to check in for my flight, and I will do so sadly. I do not want to go… despite all of the obligations back in Canada.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 422

    I absolutely killed it yesterday! Knowing the weather was going to be less than agreeable, I took advantage of the opportunity to try the treadmill in the gym in the apartment complex. They may not have every piece of equipment that a commercial gym has, but what they have is extremely high quality. I have always disliked running on treadmills because at my heavier weight, the belt tends to slip under my feet, causing me to lose my footing… or at least to feel like I am losing my footing. Here’s the thing… I am no longer 300+ pounds, am I? It is still hard for me to register that I am actually at the high end of a reasonable weight range, and that better equipment such as the treadmills in this gym are more than capable of supporting my weight.

    I did not slip, I did not slide, I did not fall. I set the pace of the machine at what I thought might be a reasonable pace, I pressed play on my audiobook, and I started my trackers. While I did take a couple of 3-minute intermissions (I needed to hydrate, plus I needed to stretch out my hip) it was nearly ninety minutes before I called it a day. I jogged eleven kilometres, although the exact distance might not be quite accurate. I am going to have to calibrate my stride length properly on the treadmill, but there is no doubt that I jogged well over 10km, which is only one of several personal bests that I achieved today. I know that I had the pace set faster than I usually jog in the streets; as a result of that, according to the Garmin Connect portal I set my personal records for fastest 5km and fastest 10km, as well as my longest run. I will not be trying to repeat that today.

    After coming in from the gym I hit the shower quickly. Due to the faster pace of my running, combined with the fact that there is no cool breeze when jogging indoors, I really needed it. I have not been that sweaty from working out in a long time! I was then finally able to move my bowels. Even so, I decided to buy a large jar of fibre that I started taking yesterday afternoon, and continued this morning, adding it to my meal replacement shake. I was hoping that by switching to eating regular foods – including plenty of leafy vegetables – I would not need the fibre while I was here, and for a couple of days I did not… but then I realized that it is a small price to pay for regularity.

    I stepped onto the scale after my jog and loved seeing that the numbers drop below 265 lbs., but of course I know that my post-workout numbers are a fantasy, and the next morning is what really matters. I did lose weight from yesterday, but only .4 lb., putting me at 266.6 lbs. on the bathroom scale. That means I am 6.2 lbs. from matching my best weight from 2020, and 11.6 lbs. from matching my best adult weight ever. If ever there was incentive to keep doing what I am doing, there you have it.

    Lunch was another salad from our favourite drive-thru salad place. Seriously, had you asked me a decade ago if I would ever have a favourite drive-thru salad place I would have asked you if those really existed… and then followed up with something like ‘why do they exist?’ Well, here I am, aged fifty, and not only do I have one… but I discovered it on my own by accident. I decided to change things up a bit these last couple of days. Wednesday I had the autumn salad, and yesterday I opted for the Greek salad (no olives, thank you very much). Later in the afternoon I had a handful of almonds, but that was all I ate before dinner. We ended up going out for Chinese food; aside from a few bites of brown rice, I stuck to exactly the same menu as what I planned out and ordered the last time we went, which means that while it was a treat meal, it was not an extravagant or unthinking one.

    Leslie and I have some work that we want to do together – we have a project we want to work on which will benefit both of us professionally. The forecast is partly cloudy with a predicted high of 56°, so it is not as if either of us would be playing hooky to go sit by the pool. Tomorrow’s high is only slightly higher than today’s, but it is our last complete day together, so unless there is another Tornado Watch, my wife and I will be getting dressed up and going out for a nice dinner. Leslie has one work meeting during the day, which will be my cue to go to the gym. I do not want to break any records today, but if I can do a 5km jog I will be happy with it.

    I am teaching this evening, so while we will light the Shabbat candles during my evening break, we will be sitting down for dinner around 8:15pm. The plan for this evening’s meal is going to be dim sum and skewers, with the leftover rice from last night’s dinner. I think we both hate the fact that we have only two evenings left together on this trip, but we will make the most of them. Tomorrow during the day we have a couple of errands to run, including going to Costco. I do not know what else we will do, but we will be together the entire day… and longing for it to not come to an end. I really do long for the day when we live together, rather than monthly visits that come to an end with a teary goodbye at an airport.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 420

    The day I landed in Dallas I told Leslie I wanted to do another before and after picture. It is great to see the numbers on the scale drop; it is amazing to fit into smaller (and more stylish) clothing; it is spectacular to see what I can do when I work out. With all that said, there is nothing so incredible as to see the sheer transformation of my body, side by side, from when I started until now. We took a few moments this morning to recreate that photo. Unlike the last time we did it, I decided to leave out the interim pictures. One next to the other is all I need to see the results of my hard work!

    420 Days_use

    To look at this image is to look at two different people. I do not remember the exact moment, but I am certain that when my friend took my picture on Day 0 he told me to smile. This morning as Leslie snapped my picture I know she did. Just look at the difference in the smile! I suppose it is the difference between someone embarking on a challenge, and someone who is well into the challenge and who has seen tremendous results. I still have a ways to go… but there is no denying that I deserve that smile this morning!

    I absolutely killed it yesterday on my jog! I remember setting out shortly after I wrote my article in which I said that I am hoping to do a combined walk/jog of ten kilometres before I left Dallas, but I did not think it would be yesterday. Even more exciting is the fact that I jogged 8.2km… without stopping! I absolutely smashed my previous bests for distance and duration. I decided on 8.2km because that is slightly over five miles. Of course, I did not set out expecting to come close to that… but at each kilometre I evaluated my legs (especially my right knee) and my lungs. It was not until I hit the fifth kilometre that I thought I might be able to do it, and I still reevaluated every kilometre. In truth I probably could have jogged the full 10km and am really not sure why I pulled up. Tomorrow is another day, and I guess I wanted to leave myself another attainable goal for the rest of the week.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 8.22km (5 km)
    • pb Duration: 1:06:03 (39:40)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m01s (7m55s)
    • pb Steps: 10,170 (6,200)
    • pb Calories burned: 866
    • Elevation gain: 35.6m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (157)

    Walking

    • Distance: 2 km
    • Duration: 21:37
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m48s
    • Steps: 2,460
    • Calories burned: 194
    • Elevation gain: 6.4m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 114

    The weather was perfect for it too. It was sunny, but not too sunny. It was cool, but not cold. It was a little breezy but not windy. In short, the conditions for a strong showing were all there, as long as my knee and my lungs held up. I finally followed my doctor’s advice and rubbed some Voltaren on my knee before setting out, and I was off to the races.

    According to the stats in the app that I use to track my workouts, this was my fastest five-mile run… which makes sense because I do not think that I have jogged five miles since I started using it. My fastest five-kilometre was Friday, but I will try to pick up the pace over the next few days to see if I can beat it. It does not really matter though… I am not trying to race; I am trying to get out and get into shape. I want to burn calories, not win prizes.

    I was thrilled when I stepped onto the scale when I came in yesterday though… while I won’t count it because it was not first thing in the morning, I still registered my lowest weight yet! I hoped that if I could maintain just some of that weight loss into this morning then I would be happy. I was not expecting what I saw when I stepped onto the scale this morning and saw that I had absolutely killed it! Not only did I lose the couple of pounds I had gained from when I got to Dallas, and not only did I get back under the 270 lbs. mark, but with a full 3.6 lbs. loss from yesterday, I am more than a full pound into best weight yet territory! I ran out of the bathroom to show Leslie the numbers (which register on my phone as well… it would have looked silly had I picked up the bathroom scale to bring it to her). She was as amazed as I was. Wowee!!

    It is not only jogging that contributed to this morning’s loss. I have been eating but doing it smartly. Yes, I had a half-chicken at the restaurant yesterday, but I was working on 450 calories on the day, having burned over 1,000 calories exercising. I took a few pieces of Leslie’s fried casavas (which were really tasty!) but I counted them, and when I reached my limit I told her I am done… and never reached for another one. I even made myself a cocktail last night (gin and bitter) which was lovely, but I did not go overboard… I had one ounce of gin with four ounces of Schweppes Bitter Lemon. All in all, I think I had a great day.

    Leslie and I were speaking last night about the 12-step program that my therapist recommended I look into for overeaters. It has been six weeks since we discussed it, and I had told her I was going to table the idea until this week. At the time, I did not realize that I would be in Dallas this week, so when we met last week, I told her I was delaying until I got home. Over these last few days, Leslie has now seen me shut down on eating things that were available twice… last night with the fried casavas, and Saturday evening with the nacho chips and salsa. She asked me if I still felt that I needed the program. I told her that I do not know. It is easy to be good when she is watching because I want her to see me succeed. The next real test will be how I do the next time I am faced with that sort of temptation and she is not there… likely the next time Gilad and I go to that same restaurant where I faltered in February. I am not sure that I like the idea of a 12-step program for myself, but if I really cannot control myself then it is something I will strongly consider.

    I just told Leslie a few moments ago that I am not going to jog today. My knee is absolutely fine, but I am feeling some aches in my hips. These are not pains, these are the aches of ‘this part of your body has not worked that hard in a long time, and it is reminding you that it needs to recover.’ I have no problem with taking the day off. I will hit the trails again tomorrow, although based on the forecast I might have to plan around rain. As of now, my safest bet will be to wake up and hit the road early; maybe I will set an alarm for 6:30am and see if I can get out and back before the precipitation starts. If not, I could always go to the indoor gym and jog on the treadmill… but that is my fallback, and only if it is unavoidable.

    It is a beautiful day in Dallas, and I am looking forward to having lunch with my wife (between her meetings). After lunch I will head out to my cigar lounge and will try to get some work done. I want to skim the material I will be teaching this evening, just as a quick reminder to myself. I have taught the class many times before, but it never hurts to refresh. I might also do some studying, but I might just open my book and do some reading. Leslie recommended a book on the anthropology of human sexuality that I started the other day, and I am quite enjoying. While the thought of our parents having a sex life might be repugnant to some, learning about how sexuality evolved with our ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago is quite fascinating.

    My plans for the day are simple. Stay on track and stay mindful, especially with the knowledge that I will not be jogging today. I might take a brisk walk… but we’ll see. Before I return home from the cigar lounge, I will stop in at the supermarket to pick up a nice piece of fish to make for dinner. The tuna I made the other night was not exactly a resounding success, but I do know how to prepare salmon or trout, and that is likely what I will look for. Also, either a broccoli or cauliflower as a side dish would not be completely out of the question.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 416

    Yesterday’s jog was definitely solid, with several personal bests including fastest kilometre. I thought I had to have best pace overall, but it seems like last Monday’s 3km jog was faster. Oh well, no big deal. I am still happy to have done the 5km. There is a caveat to that: I stopped at the 3km mark, but not because I was tired or winded. I received an important phone call that I needed to stop and take. It was an 8-minute call, and I paused my devices, rather than stopping them. I truly felt that had I not stopped I would have been able to continue on. I will try again today or Sunday.

    Jogging

    · Distance: 5 km (3 km)

    · Duration: 39:40 (23:08)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m55s (7m42s)

    · Steps: 6,200 (3,600)

    · Calories burned: 596

    · Elevation gain: 13.99m

    · pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 157 (156)

    Walking

    · Distance: 3 km

    · Duration: 31:43

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 10m34s

    · Steps: 3,700

    · Calories burned: 351

    · Elevation gain: 40m

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 117

    I feel silly… there is a Garmin Challenge (on my fitness watch app) that awards a badge for a 5km run this weekend. Yesterday’s run would have earned it, except for some reason I did not restart the run on my watch when I resumed. By the time I realized it I had lost nearly 7/10ths of a kilometre. Of course, the badge is meaningless… except it is another badge that reminds me of the amazing progress I have been making. I have a few friends that I am in challenges with, but this one is a self-challenge. I need never win a race against anyone else… I just need to beat myself… specifically, my old self. I want to be better today than I was yesterday; I want the me of next week to make the me of today look fat and slow. The collection of badges in an app are meaningless but they encourage me to get out and push myself just a little bit farther and harder than I might have otherwise. Knowing that it is available, I will get out tomorrow (or Sunday) and I will push myself to the 5km mark… or who knows, maybe past it!

    My modified program yesterday, combined with a lot of exercise, resulted in the expected slight drop in my weight this morning. I am down nearly half a pound from yesterday, which is exactly where I was hoping to be. This week I am not going to worry about the little things… minor improvements will be welcomed, and I am not going to get upset about not losing more.

    As we lay in bed this morning, Leslie once again showed herself to be a huge support for my weight loss. I offered to take her out for breakfast. She was softly pushing back, reminding me that it might not be a good idea. When I told her that I have proven before that I can eat a healthy breakfast out, she pushed back a little firmer, reminding me that we will be eating dinner out for sure, and possibly lunch. She was not forcing me, but she did everything to encourage me to make the right decision, which I finally did. In the end, I enjoyed my meal replacement shake for breakfast. In an hour or so I am going to go to Starbucks to pick up café lattés for us. This alone will be an indulgence for me, but it will not be anywhere near the indulgence that any restaurant breakfast might have been. I already had my airport breakfast this week, and I will be having plenty of other meals out while I am in Dallas. I set my goals for this trip over a week ago, or rather, my plans for how to achieve those goals. Restaurant breakfasts were never part of that plan. I have done so well sticking to my plans so far; this morning I have my wife to thank for keeping me on track.

    Last night we shared a challah roll to welcome in the Sabbath. It was delicious! For dinner I prepared a chopped salad with a little sesame oil and balsamic vinegar to accompany the main dish of chicken breasts breaded with Corn Flakes breadcrumbs. It was all quite delicious, and very healthy. This, after a lunch from Salad and Go. Overall, while I did not stick as religiously to my plan as I could have, I will put the day in the ‘success’ column.

    Speaking of columns, I am losing ground on my comparative chart to 2020. I am still half a pound ahead of the pace, but that is down from just a few days ago. Looking ahead, for the next seven days I fluctuated in a three-pound range just above 270 lbs. and would not finally drop below that number for another two weeks. If my weight stays where it is for the rest of my trip, I will still be well on my way to beating the pace from that year. This is not going to be my primary focus, but I do like to keep track of this.

    Have a great day folks… it is time for me to spend the day with my beautiful wife!

  • Day 412

    I continued my streak yesterday, running for three kilometres and then walking six. My jogging pace is picking up a little bit which is good. I am looking forward to seeing how well I will be able to do when the roads and sidewalks are all dry, and I can wear my nicer running shoes.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 3 km (3.04km)
    • Duration: 23:08 (24:51)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 7m42s (8m10s)
    • Steps: 3,600 (3,800)
    • Calories burned: 355*
    • Elevation gain: 0 (29m) *
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (154)

    * I suspect there was an issue with my devices, as I am reasonably sure that the walk was not completely flat… and jogging the same distance as I did Sunday, it is unlikely that I burned less than half the calories.

    Walking

    • Distance: 6.05 km
    • Duration: 1:06:14
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m56s
    • Steps: 7,500
    • Calories burned: 689
    • Elevation gain: 37m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 112

    I am not sure why it is that a couple of hours after I came in, I started feeling nauseous and light-headed. It might have to do with the weather, or I might just be pushing myself a bit. The fact that my apps are telling me that I am burning more calories per day than I am consuming is not necessarily a bad thing… but yesterday I set out a little after noon, and unlike all of my previous outings I decided to wait until I got back home before drinking my second meal replacement. That might have been ill-advised. I will make sure, going forward, that I am not straddling the line of when I should be eating… I will make sure to set out after having one.

    The result of my not feeling well was that I lay down for a nap. Knowing I had to be awake to teach my class, I set an alarm. I felt a little better in time for class, but by the end of it I was ready to get back into bed. I will be keeping an eye on my body these next two days… There is no way that I am going to push myself so hard that I fly to Dallas under the weather. We will see how I am feeling tomorrow, but I know that I have an appointment in the middle of the day, and that might get in the way of when I would usually want to head out. If I have to put the brakes on jogging for a couple of days, then I will… if I have to.

    My weight was up this morning, but only by .2 lb. It is frustrating when you do everything right for so long, and then you see the regression… but I know that over the last four days I lost nearly four pounds, and it is not unreasonable for there to be that slight adjustment. I will live with it. I got a frantic text from my weight loss buddy this morning who was upset that on the four-month anniversary of her surgery, she found herself up .7 lb., which she was quite distraught over. I called her and reminded her that she is not .7 lb. up from four months ago, only from yesterday… and she is really severely slimmer (and lighter) than she was four months ago. I reminded her of the importance of the downward trend, and not the individual plots on the graph. This calmed her down significantly; she thanked me for calling and told me that she needed to hear that. She also told me about two encounters over the past few days where people have commented on how fabulous she looks. In one of those encounters she blew it off and attributed it to her new haircut and outfit, but the other was an old friend and she brought her into the circle of people who know. She knows that I advise people to keep that circle as small as possible; it is nobody’s business a) That she is losing weight, b) How she is losing weight, and c) How much weight she has lost. She agrees, but this was an old friend that she trusts.

    I realized this morning that I was out of my gourmet coffee, and I had to grind some of my Cuban coffee to make the pot. I will definitely go shopping today. It is not that I do not like the Cuban coffee, but it is not quite as tasty as what I usually make for myself. I only have one more whole pot of coffee to make before I fly to Dallas, but I should have it in the house for when I get back to Canada. I have a number of other errands to run today, and while I would usually go to a particular supermarket to pick up the coffee that I really like, there are a few things I need to pick up at Fortino’s (including my shoes, but also certain treats that I will be bringing to Dallas to surprise my wife), so I will just get coffee there… despite their having discontinued the particular blend that I used to favour. I will do that before my therapy appointment, which for the first time will be in-person. Until now our sessions have all been on the phone, but due to my being unavailable for our usual Thursday session, she had this appointment available. It will force me to get out of the house, which will, in turn, force (or at least encourage) me to go to pick up my shoes, along with the treats and the coffee. While I am out, I might also pop up to Milton to see Ryan, who has been encouraging me to change my windshield wipers at his shop. If I had computer advice for him, I would expect him to follow it. He knows cars and especially windshields (which is his business), so I have been planning to do that since he told me to… but my schedule has not allowed for it. This afternoon I can do it.

    Sometimes the universe puts things in place that just make sense. For the first time in several days, the sun is out but temperatures are -4°, and the wind is blowing cold… and picking up significantly in the afternoon. Today would not be a good day to be jogging, or at least it would be quite uncomfortable. I could easily plan to go to the gym for a couple of hours, but I have really been pushing myself these last few days so if I do, I will take it easy. Maybe a few weight machines, twenty minutes on the treadmill, and then a hydro massage followed by a good shvitz. I probably will not do any of that, but I will also not be suiting up for a jog outside… which I enjoy so much more than the gym. I suspect that my next several workouts – outdoors or otherwise – will take place in Dallas. Leslie and I talked about going to the gym in her apartment complex together, which sounds like a wonderful activity that we can share.

    I suppose, looking at it, I have quite a few items on my calendar for today, even though it looks bare. I have my therapist at 1:30pm, but I also have to run several errands. All of that will keep me busy, which is not a bad thing. I much prefer being busy than not being busy. I might try to do some studying today, but I might also just relax with my book. I downloaded a book onto my e-reader before I flew to Dallas last time, and I had not picked it up in several weeks until just a few nights ago. It is a crime drama from before the time when cops had cellular phones, and aside from the pure kitschy predictability of their stereotypical behaviour (bad-ass LAPD cop on the outs with his chain of command is paired up with the female FBI agent for a case that nobody thinks is a real case, and not only do they find evidence but they also end up sleeping together), it is funny when he says something like, ‘My pager started beeping, so I pulled off the road alongside the first payphone I saw.’ Kids today would not believe how different the world they know is from the one I grew up in. Still and all, it takes place in Los Angeles, and it is interesting to see how different my reading of that city is now that I have lived there. I wonder what it would be like to go back and read the Decker/Lazarus novels that I read for so many years, never having known where the Foothills, or Van Nuys or Tarzana or any of the other geographic references that they made were. All this to say that it would be nice to sit on the couch with my book and take just one day away from my cybersecurity and networking studies and teaching. I make no delusions that I might sit outside with a cigar though… the winds were unpleasant this morning and they are forecast to get worse as the day progresses.

    Until I started on the full-fast program, and not even at first, but really since I returned from Dallas just five weeks ago and resumed it, the predictability of my body schedule has gone out the window. For years I have reliably sat on the throne in the morning and produced. I have alternately referred to my morning routine and morning ritual, which has always meant heading to the washroom, taking my pills, brushing my teeth, and sitting on the throne (often for longer than necessary while checking e-mail, Facebook, and whatever else). I would then shower, shave, and then walk to the bedroom to weigh myself on the (no longer appropriately named) bathroom scale before getting dressed, and then taking HRF Princess Sophie out for her walk. Over these last few weeks, including today, I have sat unproductive on the toilet for long enough to realize that nothing was coming, and then I would continue with the routine. Were this something I kept an active record of, I would be able to count on one hand (maybe two) the number of times over the past two years that I have had not had a successful bowel movement, or when I have had one after 9:00am. That is, until this past month. It really has been weird, but I have to accept that my body is changing in so many ways… most of them positive, but I did like the predictability.

    Speaking of changes, I noticed something today that is hard to describe but impossible to miss. Looking at my naked body in the mirror, the shape of my stomach has changed. On the sides there are these massive… indents? I don’t know how to describe them… but I do know that there was a time not too long ago that my belly extended from one side of my body to the other. Now it seems to be pushed in on the sides… except that is not right, because if it was pushed in, then it would extend out further. Imagine taking a balloon in your hands and squeezing it. The volume of the balloon does not change, only the distribution of it, right? That is not what is happening with my belly. It is pushed in on the side, but it is not pushing out. That has to be a huge non-scale victory, as well as an indicator of a couple of things: the first is that I am absolutely losing weight at a tremendous rate… and really, I have now lost over 125 pounds, so there is no denying that. The second is that I am beginning to see the sagging skin that I wrote about last week. When all this is over I will need to have surgery to have excess skin removed, or else I will look like… what? I don’t know, but I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life with all of that excess skin hanging down. I know! I would look like a child wearing an adult costume… or more accurately, a slim man wearing a fat man’s suit. Only, the suit would be made of skin and not wool or silk. There will be more than one consequence to my years of obesity. One of the prices I will pay for that, and for no longer being that, is that I will have to go under the knife to have that excess skin removed. Once I do that, I cannot imagine I would ever want to gain weight again. The thought of it just disgusts me.

    A couple of days ago Leslie mentioned that she did not like the idea of my having weight loss surgery, be it Roux-en-Y, or any of the other options… but that she would support me if I felt I needed it. I told her that I do not want that… but I appreciate her willingness to support me. I also told her that when I am there, I will explain to her why I do not want to have the surgery, which is not a fear of going under the knife, but much more than that… and more than I want to explain over a video chat or by text. I have given a lot of thought to it, especially since I was originally scheduled to have it in 2015 and was ultimately rejected from the program for reasons I will explain to her in person. I had not given it much thought of late, until October, when my diet buddy told me that she was going to do it. I do not know how much of it I have ever really discussed with anyone, so I am glad that I have had a few days to think about how to explain myself to Leslie. She is, after all, my wife. She is the one person from whom I do not want to keep any secrets, much less my thinking on weight loss, of which she has been so supportive over the past thirteen months.

    My plan for today is to stay on track. I am getting up to head to the airport in 42-hours, and this is just not the time to fall off the program. Thursday evening Leslie and I will get dressed up and we will go out for our sushi dinner, and I will have my first meal since the great nachos and salsa incident. If I can wait until then, I can enjoy that meal without guilt, indulging in the deliciously prepared raw fish on rice. If I were to break down now, then there would be little special about the meal itself, although being with Leslie would be enough special to make up for it. No, I should be sharing my first meal in nearly a month with her, and not on any tempting cheats that might present themselves between now and then. Stay on track, stay mindful, stay focused; if I do that, it is entirely possible that when I arrive in Dallas, I will weigh a full twenty pounds less than when I left.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 411

    I wrote yesterday morning that I was ‘…on the fence between going out for a jog for the next hour or getting back into bed for that hour.’ I decided to suit up and head out. I knew stepping out the door that I was not going to try for another 11km+ foray, but I figured that if I wanted to try to minimize the possibility of this morning’s weigh-in being up from yesterday’s, there was a better chance if I got at least some exercise in before the drive to Cambridge. I did set a couple of personal bests, but that was not the point of the outing.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 3.04km (6.3 km)
    • Duration: 24:51 (51:52)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 8m10s (8.14s)
    • Steps: 3,800 (7,900)
    • Calories burned: 800
    • Elevation gain: 29m (84m)
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (153)

    Walking

    • Distance: 4 km
    • Duration: 42:14
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m32s
    • Steps: 4,900
    • Calories burned: 526
    • Elevation gain: 12m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 116

    It was nice to get out, especially knowing that it is the second day in a row that I was able to do it. Hopefully I’ll be able to do it again today. The weather will not be as nice as today, but we will see. When I took Her Floofness out, she did not want to go beyond the front lawn, where she did her business, and then politely but adamantly insisted we go back into the building. In a few weeks we will be beyond the cold and snow and salt on the pavement, and dogs will be happier because those signs of winter hurt their paws. As for myself, I would like to get out for another jog… even if it is a short one.

    I wrote yesterday as well that I was fully expecting that after the tremendous drop from the previous day that my weight would either stay the same, or more likely it would sneak up a couple of ounces. In fact, it dropped .4 lb. which might be my body trying to make things right for the frustrating plateau that was last week… or it could be reminding me that sticking to the program, as well as getting out and exercising, are the combination that will lead to my ultimate success.

    As planned, Princess Sophie and I spent the afternoon with our friends in Cambridge, which was really nice. I see one of them a lot more often, but a couple of them I had not seen since December. It was great to catch up with them… even though a lot of the time we just spend watching TV and talking about nothing in particular. Even though they (they are a couple) got engaged since the last time we caught up, beyond a quick ‘congratulations!’ to them, most of the talk was about pets and stuff.

    I am chomping at the bit to start packing my suitcase. We talk about ‘counting down the hours…’ well in sixty-six hours I will be getting into an Uber that will take me to the airport. I might get five hours of sleep, but likely will not because of the excitement and anticipation… and because I have to teach until 9:30 Wednesday evening. I am holding back because every Israeli is taught that you never pack a suitcase and leave it unattended. I do not care how secure my apartment might be… but I might just take my suit and a few shirts and put them into a garment bag

    I woke up this morning and lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. It was only when I moved to kick out that I realized that my leg muscles – particularly my quadriceps – are really feeling the effects of my jogging. While some might call it pain, I realized as I lay there analyzing it that it is not actually that… it is just a bit of an ache that is reminding me that I need to stretch before heading out. I know, I should not be neglecting that. As a martial artist I know how important it is, and the fact that I neglect it so often is absolutely on me. I promise I will spend a few minutes stretching before heading out this afternoon. I promise myself!

    I have a few thoughts that I plan to share today in a separate article, so I will sign off now. The plan for today: 1) Stay on track with the program. 2) Try to get out for a jog. 3) Do some studying for my next exam. 4) Stay focused and stay mindful!

    Have a great day folks!