Losing a part of me

Category: Meal Replacements

  • The Case of the Missing Package

    As I drove into the east side of Toronto yesterday afternoon, I got a notification that Canada Post had delivered a package. Actually, I got the notification from the US Postal Service, through which the package was sent. I was excited, knowing that Leslie had shipped me a few things that I needed… including meal replacement bars!

    I arrived at the front door to my building, and there was an envelope for me, but no box. Hmph. I took my bags upstairs, and indeed there was a box for me on my doorstep! It was an Amazon box, and not a USPS one. Okay, still not right, but at least the new lighting for my humidor arrived.

    It has happened a couple of times that the Amazon delivery guy would leave a package for me at the next building over, so before doing anything else, I took a walk over there to check. Nothing. I went upstairs and knocked on the door of the condo association president and asked if he could check the video footage for the past couple of hours. He went to look, discovering that the monitor was broken so he could not check. I started to think that there was a problem but hoped that the mailman pressed ‘Delivered’ when she meant to press ‘Held at Post Office’ which meant I would get a notification.

    It was at this point that I started to think the box was lost. Speaking with Leslie last night, we lamented that it was fortuitous that she had listened to me and not included the very expensive box of sexy cigars that she bought me for Valentine’s Day, opting to hold on to them until our next visit together.

    IMG_2005This morning, I got a cautious text from Leslie. ‘Okay are you ready for the f-up of the century? What is your address?’ When I told her last night that the package was marked as delivered, but was not here, she decided to go back and check… it seems she fat-fingered my address and typed a 3 when it should have been a 6.

    I was in the middle of my morning shake but told her that as soon as I was done with it, I would bundle up and take a walk across the street. I did just that, and sure enough the package was in front of the door of the apartment with the same number as mine. Interestingly, there was no security to get into the building… I could have walked up, taken the package, and been on my merry way. As I did not want to appear to be a mail thief, I rang the bell, and had a quick chat with the resident (who I had quite obviously roused out of bed). Once he understood me (English was not his first language) he wished me well.

    As I rode the elevator back down to street level, I took a picture of the package and sent it to Leslie. I did not open the box until we were on a video call together, and she could see my reactions.

    Not only did I receive my meal replacements (which had the cutest Valentine’s Day stickers all over them!), I received a great little drawing of a cartoon dog and a kiss (not drawn!). I also got a shirt that I ordered to her from Amazon in October, and which was reported delivered October 30. It had not arrived, and a couple of weeks later Amazon refunded my money (saying that if I did receive it eventually, to keep it). The shirt arrived earlier this month (February, so over three months later) with no explanation. It has now gotten lost in the mail twice; to avoid a potential third time, I will wear it tomorrow.

    Interestingly enough, this was not the only package to be marked as ‘delivered’ yesterday, that was not. A delivery for Princess Sophie (that had also been feared lost in transit) was reported as delivered… but is nowhere to be found. I hope that it turns up, but I am not holding my breath. While there are a couple of extras in it, the most important contents have been replaced. We’ll see what happens today… and I will ask the mailman if I see her.

  • Day 24 (Montreal)

    Success… mostly. Yesterday’s consumption consisted of four shakes… and one bag of almonds. As I had mentioned, I was driving to Montreal, and when I stopped for my first bio-break, I bought a small bag of almonds, with a marked value of 360 calories. I ate half of them between my first and second shakes, and the balance between my second and third shakes. I only had one shake on the road, and I pulled off into a Service Area to mix it up. I was a little nervous about that… When I was on the program five years ago, I mixed a shake on the same drive (from Burlington to Montreal) and discovered too late that the shaker-cup was not properly secured. I also discovered (shortly thereafter) that the shake material stains the leather (or whatever material the inside of my door was made of). I did not try to prepare the shake on the move, I took extra precautions to secure the bottle, and there were no accidents.

    On the same topic, that was the first time I had prepared the shake by hand since I don’t know when… I have a Ninja blender at home that does a much better job (it crushes an ice cube into the shake and gives it a creamier consistency, as well as keeping it cold), and when I was on the go (when I was previously on the program in the US) I simply took meal replacement bars with me. I am out of the bars and knowing that I will be away for three days, I simply took a box of fourteen shakes with me.

    I did not drink quite as much water as I usually do yesterday, owing to the fact that I did not want to have to stop along the road every 30 minutes. As it was, I made three stops, but one of them was also to gas up the car and to buy cigars (there is a good cigar shop on the Tyendinaga Reservation, in addition to much cheaper gasoline). Had I drank all the water I normally do, I suspect I would have arrived an hour later than I did.

    This afternoon, I will have lunch with my father’s widow, and we will share some rotisserie chicken. I suspect that will be the only food I eat this weekend, and it is not really a cheat… at least, it is not a cheat beyond the hybrid program I have been following. As such, I would love to step onto the bathroom scale Tuesday morning to discover that I have dropped a good amount of weight! There are no guarantees of course… but there is a simple equation: If I follow the program, if I consume only my meal replacements and healthy foods in moderation, then I will lose weight. It really is that simple. If my pre-diet intake was more than 3,000 calories per day (including a lot of carbohydrates and starches), then there is no way that I can consume less than 1,100 calories per day and not lose weight.

    I miss Princess Sophie. Last night was the first night since October 1st that she was not with me, and I worry about her… even though the woman who is taking care of her sent me a picture of her having a wonderful time. I still miss her and can hardly wait to see her again!

    When I arrived last night, my friends asked me to not smoke in the house anymore. For years I have been coming here and they always invited me to smoke, so this was a bit of a change. They are expecting their first grandchild soon, so I am not surprised. I gave them a little grief over it, but in truth it did not bother me. I will have plenty of opportunities to smoke cigars this weekend, and even if I would not, I would not really be put out. I still love them!

    I have spoken about my routine and being out of town it is necessarily disturbed. I had to remind myself after I finished my shake to pull my computer out to write. I did not take Princess Sophie for a walk, I did not make sure my dishes were clean, and I did not have to feed a puppy. Fortunately, I remembered to at least spend a few minutes writing. I suppose it is easier to want to sit down to write coming off a successful day, rather than one when I would be beating myself up.

    I have been watching the craziest period of ice hockey I have seen in years. In the last seven minutes the score has gone from 3-2 for Czech Republic to tied at 4, to ROC (Russia) up 5-4, and now it is tied. There is a reason that watching hockey is so much more interesting than just reading the scores! I do not watch often – I don’t even have a cable subscription at home – but I enjoy it when I do. After the game I am going to hit the road and pick up a chicken to take to Esti’s.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 22

    I did not think to take my measurements this morning. I don’t think that has to be a weekly occurrence, but I will do it from time to time.

    Yesterday was a gluttonous day, mostly within the parameters of my hybrid program. For my lunch I had a bowl of soup and a salad. With my dinner I had two bowls of salad instead of one… and because I had run out of many of my vegetables, I decided to put a little bit of cheese onto it… and then I had another piece of cheese. It is amazing to think that I am kicking myself over a 1300 calorie day where no starch or excessive carbs were consumed.

    Still and all, I did not gain weight from yesterday to today, I just did not lose any either. I suppose my hybrid approach is what slowed my weight loss (as compared to my previous attempts at the program, where I was over 30 lbs down each time by now). I am going to stay the course though. I believe that this hybrid approach is the healthier way to increase my chances of long-term success.

    I decided as I got dressed this morning to don the button-down shirt that I bought to wear to the service for my father. As I expected, it fits fine (and might even be a little loose, which is likely how I bought it). I also decided to wear a tie with it, for two reasons. Firstly, I always feel a little better when I am dressed nicely. For the last few months, I have only been able to wear pull-over shirts, and even the one button-down shirt that almost fit was not the sort to wear a tie with. The second reason is that I know how much Leslie enjoys when I dress up. She has a thing for me in a tie, and I like making her happy… even though we have about 1,400 miles between us.

    The weather today is not too bad… a little windy, but I think I can take it I’ll have a cigar on the balcony after my lunch, and I will relax before I have to teach this evening. I also have to make a quick trip to the supermarket; I am not only low on chicken, but I am also completely out of vegetables for my salad. I also have a box to ship to Leslie, which I have been delinquent in taking care of.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 18

    The nearly one-pound that I was heavier on the bathroom scale this morning can easily be attributed to the unevenness of the floor, or that I did not weigh myself at the same time this morning, or simply to the fact that weigh-ins are not meant to be every day, and there are occasional blips on an otherwise downward trend. Or, maybe it is because I ate more than I should have. The chicken quarters were much smaller than usual, so I prepared two of them. The salad was larger than the day before. Nonetheless, I cannot imagine that even if I ate 1,500 calories instead of the 1,000 that I had estimated a couple of days ago that I should have gained any weight from it. No, I think it is just a blip on the chart, and tomorrow will be back on track.

    My son (the younger) wanted pizza and wings for dinner, and that is what he got… munching happily on them as I sat and observed. We then watched a movie, and the popcorn he was enjoying smelled just lovely. I took a handful of almonds to cover my hunger. Later in the evening I had a shake, knowing that I am down to three apple cinnamon bars, and that even when they do arrive at Leslie’s, they will take as much as a week to ten days to arrive. I have to ration them!

    While I still have a couple of boxes of both of the soups, I opened the last box of American chocolate shake meal replacements yesterday. That is not a big deal – I have several boxes of the Canadian shakes for when they are done. In a few days’ time I will be making the switch from the American shakes (160 calories) to the Canadian shakes (225 calories), which means I will have to make some adjustments to my routine. Something like:

    9:00am: Morning shake (225)

    1:00pm Lunch soup (160)

    5:00pm Evening meal (450)

    9:30pm Evening snack (160)

    That will bring me to 995 calories per day, certainly a reasonable diet/hybrid program plan. I will try it for a few days, and if I have to make any adjustments then I will.

    The forecast for the week is lovely, for those of us looking to sit outside in a heated balcony smoking cigars. Starting today, the high temperatures will be between -1°C and 3°C every day through Sunday (when it drops again) which means that as long as I am bundled up and have the heater going, I will be able to smoke all week. Remember, cigar smoking may not be an addiction, but it is certainly a distraction that has, on many occasions, prevented me from snacking. Of course, if I were not trying to maintain ketosis, I would be inclined to enjoy a scotch or some other fine spirit as I indulged… but for me that is not a requirement (or even a strong temptation) and pairing a cigar with a good cup of coffee is just as appetizing to me. I’ve a very good selection of both Cubans and non-Cubans to keep me satisfied for the week (I could smoke a cigar every day for the next year and still have plenty left over), but today a friend is coming over, and we told me that he wants to bring me a cigar. The gracious host never says no to a gifted cigar! The coffee will be brewed, and should he desire a dram then he is welcome to one. I will stick to my coffee.

    As a mental note, I should remember to have my meal replacement before he arrives. While I am not hiding it, I do not particularly want to discuss my diet plans with anyone. He is set to arrive between 1:30-2:00pm, which is perfect. Have a great day!

  • Day 16

    I certainly ate more almonds yesterday than I should have. I am to the point where I am thinking the smart move would be to throw them out, so they are not in the house.

    There are some things that are not temptations. When Leslie was here in December, I bought a bag of white chocolate chips to make hot chocolate. I have not once said to myself ‘You know what? I can just take a measured amount of chocolate chips, and all will be fine.’ I know that chocolate is bad for the diet, and that is the end of it. Almonds, on the other hand, are specifically called out as acceptable cheats. “If you find yourself between meal replacements and you are hungry and you do not think you are going to make it, take a small handful of almonds.” This was advice from the staff when I went through the bariatric medical program a few years ago. Knowing that they are in the pantry, I am tempted by them… and while the occasional handful (one in any day) might be fine, yesterday I had two… larger than usual hands full.

    My girlfriend loves to spoil me. I certainly appreciate everything that she does, but sometimes she goes a step above, and I have to find some way to spoil her back. It is much easier to do when she is here, and trust me that when she comes to visit, I do my best to treat her right. Yesterday she sent me a picture of my Valentines Day gift, and my jaw dropped. I know there is not much that I can do to really compete (she knows of my passion for cigars and feeds that passion… let’s leave it at that), but what I can do is to show her thoughtful gestures. I went to the supermarket. I needed three things for myself at the supermarket (milk, coffee, and distilled water). Before I collected those items, I went to the sweets section and picked out a number of items that I know she will love. I will have to ship them today or tomorrow (we had another impressive snowfall last night, and I might not leave the house today), hoping they will arrive on her doorstep in time for that day.

    I did not mention this because I want to toot my horn. I bring it up because I now have chips, cookies, and other treats (all things she cannot get in the USA, before you ask) in a box on my counter. As with the chocolate chips, none of these are tempting me. Why? Because they will be bad for my diet… and I am happy with the progress I have made, and hope that I can continue to make progress without those back-slips that so often result in the complete implosion of one’s weight loss program.

    I did make a decision though, and it is going to be a serious change to my diet. I defrosted a chicken quarter and will have it for dinner. I am still on the fence about whether to make a salad or not, but I think that I might. It will not be an Israeli salad – there is too much sugar in that – but maybe I’ll buy some romaine lettuce, an onion, and a couple of other vegetables. I would still have tomato in it, but I know that both the onion and the tomato will have sugar in them, so I will keep those to a minimum (unlike the Israeli salad, which consists primarily of these).

    If today goes well, I am going to transition from meal replacements only to a hybrid program that consists of one meal and the rest products. I have to be careful, as it can be a slippery slope if I let myself falter. I do not want that. I do know, however, that I have had to reach for the almonds nearly every day this week, and most days more than once. If I am going to be on a hybrid program anyways, I would rather do it with a proper meal than with a handful of nuts (which I am not enjoying as much as I did).

    It is actually a pretty day outside, and I might go run those errands. If I do, then salad can be an option. Have a great day!

  • Distractions

    I enjoyed my meal-replacement soup exactly on schedule, and then picked a fine cigar to enjoy on the balcony… and after that, another. I was supposed to have a meeting at 5:30, but he canceled early, so I was able to finish that second cigar without rushing it. I came back into the house, took care of a couple of things, and then I realized that I was a bit hungry… not terribly, but I was ready for my next meal replacement. It was only once I made that decision that I realized that I was an hour late for it.

    While it is important to spread my nutrition out throughout the day, I was pleased to see that while I was enjoying my cigars I was not thinking about food. That is something important to remember – like so many other things, hunger (and eating) is sometimes more about what is in my head than what is in my stomach. How often have I eaten because I was bored, rather than actually hungry?

    There is an old saying that idle hands are the devil’s playground. I will have to remember that an idle mind is a glutton’s nightmare. The idle hands thing might play into it too… after all, throughout the time I was outside, I had a cigar in one hand and my phone in the other. Keeping just might be an important part of my weight management strategy… both while I am losing the weight, and when it comes time to maintaining it.

  • Day 14

    I almost made it through yesterday, but between two meal replacements I needed energy to continue my class, and I took fifteen almonds. That was my only cheat on the day. I was also happy with my water intake throughout the day. I will try to continue that.

    In my previous journal I mentioned how I am having an easier time walking than I had two weeks before, and I am definitely experiencing that now. Princess Sophie and I did not go for a long walk this morning, but I am definitely having an easier time of it. That is a huge improvement. I am probably ten kilos lighter than I was two weeks ago, and that is a lot of weight to be rid of. It is not enough… but it is certainly a good amount for two weeks. I wish I thought I could maintain this pace, but that is not possible. The initial weight loss can be massive, but then it slows. By the end of the first month, I should be happy to lose five pounds per week.

    Speaking of which, tomorrow is my weigh-in day. Knowing that I cannot trust the numbers on the scale (I will register them, but I will not put too much trust in them), I am going to focus on measurements. On Day 1 I measured my chest, my belly, and under my belly. Tomorrow morning, I will measure those three again, and I will register my satisfaction with my progress based on that.

    I ate the last of the chocolate bars yesterday, and I opened the last box of the apple cinnamon bars. I have been going back and forth in my mind about whether to order more or not. I have discussed it with Leslie, who is more than happy to receive them and then cross-ship them, saving at least some of the import charges that a business shipping across the border would have to pay.

    My biggest concern was should I, upon completion of my stock of American product, simply make the clean transition to the Canadian program (and its 900 calories in four products, over the American 800 calories in five products), or do I want to cross-pollenate the two programs, possibly having three (Canadian) shakes, and either one or two (American) bars. That would bring my daily intake to either 835 calories, or 995 calories. Neither one of these totals would necessarily slow my weight loss. My current thinking is that whenever I crave solid foods (of which the Canadian program is devoid) I can reach for a meal replacement bar. The two that I have been having every day have made my transition to the program a lot less of a shock than it might otherwise have been.

    In the end, I decided to order a six-week supply of both the chocolate and the apple cinnamon. While it feels like a shock to the pocketbook to pay it all up front, having the product will make it easier for me to lose weight, and that is the goal. Additionally, before we factor in the cost of shipping them to Canada, the American product (per serving) is about $0.70 cheaper than the Canadian. As you also do not have to go through the hassle of getting a doctor’s prescription from an affiliated clinic, it is also much more convenient.

    Although I have ordered the products, I will not have them before I eat my last apple cinnamon bar. There will be at least a week when I am on shakes and soups only, a completely liquid diet. I suspect that there will be some almonds in there as needed.

    When I was on the program in California, I did well for a while on a hybrid program for a while. I don’t remember when I started it, but instead of having the five meal replacements per day, I would have either three or four meal replacements, a piece of chicken (quarter dark), and a salad (with a little oil and balsamic vinegar). I would have to comb through the 200 pages of writing more thoroughly than I did to figure out when I started, and how well I did on that plan. I tried for about fifteen minutes and did not find it. I do know that as tempting as the idea sounds to me, I am going to wait… a while still. Maybe when I am completely out of the soups I can consider it, but I still have a few weeks’ worth of soup before that happens. With that said, I did a few calculations… two Canadian shakes (450 calories), plus one American bar (160 calories), one chicken leg quarter (330 calories), plus one salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomatoes with a dash of oil and balsamic vinegar (160 calories). That would be an 1,100-calorie day, which is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I am reasonably sure that when I discuss this with my doctor, he will say that it is healthier, as well as a better plan for long-term sustainability than the meal-replacements-only plan. I don’t think that is a terrible goal to shoot for… say, by the end of the month (today is February 2).

    The last two days have been beautiful cigar weather, and today should be little different… as long as the balcony is covered. The current temperature is 3°C, with light rain. The rain is set to turn to snow by 7pm, but I will be teaching by then, so it is of no concern. Princess Sophie has an appointment with the vet at noon (her vaccines are due, and she should meet her new Canadian doctor), but we should be home by 1:30pm. A buddy might come to join me for a cigar, but whether he does or does not, I plan to spend a couple of hours fumigating my balcony, watching the world go by. And then teaching, and then bed.

    One thing that is missing from my planned schedule for the day is napping. I find myself with more energy than I had just two weeks ago, when I would regularly take naps in the middle of the day to get through it. That is not to say that I do not take them – I am up every day before 7:30am and I am teaching most nights until 11:30pm, so it is not unreasonable to do so. With that said, I do not feel the same need to sleep in the middle of the day (almost every day) that I did when I was at my heaviest. I am pleased to have more energy than I did, and look forward to that getting even better.

  • Day 13

    At 11:55pm I posted on my weight loss blog that I had cheated. Over the course of the day, I ate two or three (measured) handfuls of almonds, and that I felt bad about it. Not because I was worried that 30 almonds were going to ruin my diet, rather that the break in the routine – and breaking the disciplined regimen of not veering from the plan – might. I promised myself that I would not cheat today… at all.

    There are not many things that I really dislike about my apartment in Burlington. Yes, it is smaller than I would like; were I going into an office to work every day it would be fine, but working from home, I do wish I had a second closed-off room to make an office of. That is one of the reasons why my apartment in California truly was perfect. My bedroom was at one end of the apartment, my office was at the other (adjacent to the living room, which was even further from my bedroom). These were separated by the bathroom and the kitchen, and the way the building was laid out made it so that each room had a window to one side or the other of the building. The leasing agent told me I was lucky, that it was the only layout in the entire complex that had two rooms that did not share a wall. That mattered less to me because I lived alone with Princess Sophie but would have made a big difference to a family with children. I miss that apartment.

    The number one feature of my current apartment that irks me is the floors. Both the realtor and later the owner of the apartment told me at the beginning that there are issues with the floor, and when walking barefoot you can tell that there are some places where it is uneven. I don’t much care about that. What really bothers me is that in the bathroom, I can place the bathroom scale in one spot and get what I thought was an accurate reading… and then I can move it six inches, and the reading is a full 4 lbs different. Yes, throughout the course of the day, your body weight will fluctuate… but not in 2-3 minutes. That is caused by an unsteadiness in the floor. I suppose that for the time being, my actual weight from day-to-day and week-to-week matters less than the downward trend of it. If we can assume that from spot to spot may be inconsistent, but the same spot will be consistent, then what I am going to have to do is to figure out a way to place the scale in the exact same spot every day. What I might do is paint two lines – one from each wall – that I can align the sides to. I don’t know… I’ll figure something out.

    Aside from the almonds, yesterday was mostly a good day. Earlier in the day I was not good about drinking water, although by the time I went to bed I had finished two of my 74 oz bottles worth. Rather than drink it all starting in the late afternoon, I really should make sure to start earlier in the day and spread the positive effects of it out over the course of the day.

    (Directly after writing that last paragraph I went to the kitchen, got my water bottle, and took a giant gulp from it. It is not my first water of the day but having the bottle at my desk will be a constant reminder to drink… and I will!)

    Previously, I have been a patient of two bariatric clinics in Ontario, Canada. The first in Hamilton, the second in Ottawa. Yesterday I called both of them to see if I could get a prescription for the medically supervised meal-replacements that I want to use, and both said no. It has been too long, and I would need to see a doctor. Additionally, because the Province of Ontario will not cover someone going through the program twice, I would have to do it with a private clinic. I am not sure if I want to go that route, or if I want to continue to buy the product on the second-hand market. After all, they are not drugs, so it makes very little sense that one would need a prescription to buy them. In the meantime, I have made an appointment to see my doctor for next week. I don’t suppose it would hurt to get a referral to the clinic, if that is the way I do decide to go.

    When I was at my friends’ house over the weekend, I noticed next to the sink a bottle of keto-strips, and I was curious. I did not know that there was a product that you could buy that would let you know if your body was in ketosis or not. I briefly considered buying some – I even looked at them on Amazon when I got home. I then decided against it, simply because as long as I am losing weight, I am on track… aside from it not mattering if I am in ketosis or not, I think my energy levels (and consistent weight loss) are proof enough that I am where I need to be. If I was on the program for specific health reasons (other than morbid obesity), then it would be a different story. For the time being, I have decided that I do not need to pee on a stick to know what’s going on.

    I have just a little bit of work to do during the day, and then in the afternoon a friend is coming over for a cigar. I am teaching in the evening, but that does not get started until 6:00pm. It is good to have a schedule, and I am not meandering through the day aimlessly, giving myself more opportunity to cheat. Today will be a good diet day!

  • Day 12

    In my previous journal I wrote that on Day 12 I was starting to feel a real difference in how I walk. Yes, it is less than two weeks into the diet, and I have shed nearly twenty pounds. I feel the difference in my pace, and the ease with which I am able to get there and back (wherever there might be). When I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning the mercury read -12°C, which believe it or not is a lot nicer than it has been. We walked to the park and back, meeting a golden retriever friend who was a lot of fun.

    There is a rather unpleasant task that doggie daddies do that has become easier these last two weeks, and I am not sure if it is solely because of the weight, or possibly also because my ankle and knee have healed better. Kneeling down to collect her poop is much easier than it was. I am sure it will get easier still, as the amount of weight my knees have to support drops.

    Something else that I discussed in my previous journal was that I did not want people to know about my weight loss program, and that I was furious that after I confided in a friend about it, he then told his seventeen-year-old daughter… who then tried to grill me about it. He proved to me a few months later that he was not at all a friend, or at least not in the way that I need my friends to be. Days 11 & 12 were both foreshadowing the ends of relationships, but neither had anything to do with my weight loss. It is so difficult to make friends in Southern California, because so many of the people there are fake and will use you for what they need, and then throw you away. I was blessed, after I moved from Glendale to Westlake Village, to meet a group of friends who have proven time and again their sincerity. They will always be my true friends.

    Yesterday turned into a very productive day, even though I had originally said it was going to be a lazy day at home. The at-home part was true, but I got through a major task that I have discussed before. I never realized just how many clothes I own, and I am a little embarrassed by it. With Leslie on video chat, I folded and sorted all of my clothes. Yes, the other day I did that with my pants. One plastic storage container worth of them. Big deal. I was utterly amazed by how many shirts I own… and with only two exceptions, the two large containers worth were all golf shirts and t-shirts. In the end, I decided to change the system. I now have five storage bins in the corner of my bedroom with the following labels:

    • XXL Shirts & T-Shirts
    • Pants Sizes 40-42
    • XL Shirts & T-Shirts, Pants Sizes 36-40
    • Suits, etc…
    • Taekwondo – doboks & non-current belts

    That last container is large, filled to the hilt, and much more accurately labeled than that. Having been, over the years, affiliated with three different clubs (in the GTA, in Ottawa, and in California), I have several uniforms with different branding, plus my two pre-Black Belt uniforms. I also have a number of pair of training pants that I would wear under the more-important uniform top and belt. I am hoping that when I drop another 30 lbs I will be comfortable enough to start training again. While I live less than 2 km from the club I used to be affiliated with, owing to the change in management (GrandMaster retired) I will likely reach out to friends who opened a club in the same style. We’ll see.

    Considering that I am not a fashion guy, the fact that I have four storage containers filled with clothes, not having actually touched my closet, is amazing to me. It is not that I need this vast array of clothes; it is simply that over the years there have been three distinct sizes of Mitch, ranging from extra-fat (where I am now), to slimmest-ever (where I have been twice, once in August-October 2017, and again from July-November 2020). Judging from the volume of shirts, I guess most of that time was spent in the middle – the XXL shirts and t-shirts piles were far larger than the other two. This is good in the short term, because in a month I hope to fall into that bracket and will spend a couple of months there.

    While I wish I had not benefitted from doing so, I wish I had not kept all of my fattest clothes. It was not my intention to. In August 2020 I emptied my closet and drawers of everything that was ‘fat Mitch’ – the XXL and XXXL shirts and the Size 42-46 pants – and put them into a bag to donate. That bag sat in the trunk of my car for a couple of months behind my golf clubs and was only taken out (into my apartment) because I was driving a couple of friends to the golf course, and we needed room for their clubs. The bag then sat in a closet for months, until my friends who were emptying my apartment in California and shipping all of my stuff to me shipped the fattest clothes. Had they not, I would have had to buy a lot newer clothes than I did. I have no problem spending money on thinner-me clothes. I loathe wasting money on clothes that I want to shrink out of and never fit into again.

    I my first weight loss program cheat yesterday… albeit a minor one. In the early evening I prepared a bowl of soup, and while I was putting it on the table, my hand slipped, and I spilled half the bowl. I decided to replace the lost protein and calories with a handful of almonds. While I did not gorge myself on them, I do think that the handful that I took was much more than what I had spilled and would likely have been the equivalent of an entire meal replacement, if not a touch more. I was glad as I prepared for bed hours later that I was not overly hungry and made the conscious decision to skip my last meal replacement bar of the day.

    I want to mention that as I sit here typing I can feel my knees. They are not in pain; they just feel like I have been exercising. In other words, they feel like they carry around far too much weight and will be much better off once I am at my goal weight. That might be many months away, but every pound that I shed is a pound that they do not have to carry. I expect that they will continue to feel better as I succeed with my weight loss.

  • Day 11

    The contrast between my plans for Saturday (yesterday) and Sunday (today) could hardly be vaster. Yesterday, Princess Sophie and I drove to Strathroy (two hours away) to spend a few hours with my friends and godson and goddaughter (and their dog), then to Cambridge (about halfway home) to spend a few hours enjoying cigars and the company of other friends, and then home by just past midnight. The plan for today consists chiefly of writing, taking Princess Sophie for a few walks, watching some TV, and… yeah, that’s about it. In short, today shall be a relaxing day. Oh, I also plan to re-season my humidor, as well as continue sorting my clothes by size. Neither of these is exactly taxing.

    When we last visited with our hero, he was concerned that there would be a lot of opportunity for him (me) to veer from the program. (Switching from the third person NOW) I thought about it… several times. At one point, I even decided to do it… and did not.

    My first thought to cheat (and only real opportunity) came an hour into the drive, when we pulled into a truck stop for a bio break. As we walked into the store, the lady behind the counter told me that she cannot allow dogs inside. As I apologetically explained that Princess Sophie is a registered Emotional Support Animal, she pooped on the doormat. I was more than a little embarrassed! I promptly cleaned it all up, and then promised to hold her in my arms while we were on the premises. After peeing (which was an extreme need by this point), I prepared a cup of coffee for myself, and for a flash I thought to look for a beef or turkey (or any non-pork) sausage. Truck stops are famous for their dried meats. I felt bad about Sophie’s accident and wanted to buy more than a cup of coffee. In the end, I opted to simply buy the coffee, and let the cashier keep the change (which will benefit her directly instead of the store). I was not truly hungry, and within 45 minutes I would be due my second meal replacement of the day… it was just a question of buying something to make up for the poop.

    As I pulled away from my friends’ house in Strathroy, I ate my third meal replacement of the day. It was overdue, and quite welcome. However, as you likely know, it can take your brain twenty minutes to get the message from your stomach that you are no longer hungry. As I merged from the 402 onto the 401, I was tempted to stop and pick up either a sausage or a bag of almonds. The conversation with my girlfriend distracted me, and I did not.

    As I pulled off the highway in Cambridge, I decided I was hungry, and I was going to stop and get one of those snacks. I saw the Tim Hortons sign (they are ubiquitous in Canada) and pulled into their drive thru. It was not until I was driving away with my coffee that I realized that a) I had not purchased a snack, and b) It was not an unreasonable time to have my fourth meal replacement of the day. I enjoyed the bar, and when I arrived at my friend’s house, was sated. So much so that the bags of chips and bowls of (sugared) peanuts did not lure me away from the safety of my diet. I had the coffee… but that was it! Of course, I also had three Cuban cigars over the next five hours, so maybe I would have been distracted anyways!

    We left later than planned, owing to the fact that one of my friends’ girlfriends challenged me to darts. The last time she and I played (probably five years ago) I beat her soundly. I am never one to deny someone a rematch. While it was not stated in advance, I originally planned to plan a best-of-nine match, and that is how it worked out… with my coming out on top four games to three.

    It was nearly 11:30pm when we said our goodbyes and hit the road. It was now nearly six hours since my last meal replacement, and I once again started thinking about cheating. I was also thinking how tired I was, and how the sooner we got home, the better off we would be. No stops were made along the way. Arriving home shortly after midnight, I was hungry. I had my fifth and final meal replacement bar of the day, and then we went to bed.

    I should mention that while I likely did consume ‘enough’ water, I did not drink nearly as much as I have done over the last few days. Before I left for Strathroy, I drank a full bottle (74 ounces), and I took a cup with me (another sixteen ounces). That was all through by 1:00pm. I had a cup of coffee at Cam and Amanda’s, but no water. At Ryan’s I had a commercial bottle (probably 20 ounces), and when I got home, I drank another cup or so. All in all, probably 110 ounces. When I have been mostly sequestered at home, I am drinking over 200 ounces in a day. While I am not disappointed by 110 ounces of water (which is over 3 litres), I wonder if spreading that intake out better over the course of the day might be a better strategy. After all, nearly three quarters of that intake was before noon.

    I am proud of myself that I was able to make it through the day without a single cheat. I did drink more coffee than I normally would (five cups, rather than my usual 2.5), but that does not seem to have bothered my weight loss. The bathroom scale this morning has me down another 2.5 lbs from yesterday morning! I just wish I trusted it.

    I met my diet buddy yesterday! She came by early to pick up her share of the meal replacements that I had purchased for us the previous day. She is very nice, and while we were both in a rush (not only did we both have things to do, it was also 28°C below zero, so we did not want to linger out in the cold), I am sure we will at some point sit down for a coffee, or a glass of water, to discuss our progress. Our phone calls are helpful, but human contact might be more so… especially in these strange times when so many of us are working from home and not socializing much.

    Day 11 in my previous weight loss attempt made for an interesting read. It was the first time I ever documented that I was not optimistic about a future with Liza, despite the fact that I had moved from Ottawa, Canada to Los Angeles, California to be close with her, and it was that day that I was officially moving into her house. The relationship would last another seven months, but I was not really happy with her. In truth, I should have ended things with her much sooner than I did.

    On that day (Day 11), I had a conversation with someone on a Facebook support group about ketosis, and how not all calories are created equal. She had indulged in what she thought to be a 480-calorie indulgence at a particular fast-food restaurant. I had to explain to her that those calories not only contained a lot of sugars and chemicals that were unhealthy, but they were also nutritionally devoid of the nutrients her body needed, and that they were likely to affect (if not destroy) her ketosis, which meant the body would once again fight back against the process.

    On that day, I enumerated the benefits of doing the program while living alone over living with others who were not on the program. I have already called that out, so I won’t revisit it.

    It is interesting to see how many similarities there are in my thoughts and feelings at every point along the way. I think that is why I write… because if my three attempts at extreme weight loss have produced three similar experiences and thoughts and emotions, then it is likely that others will be having similar experiences, thoughts, and emotions… and it is nice to know that you are neither alone nor all that different from so many others.