Losing a part of me

Category: Meal Replacements

  • Day 586

    Yesterday was the first day in I don’t know how many that I got through the day without my wife being here that I did not cheat at all. It is not easy to get through these days, but I am finding inspiration in my wife. She is an amazing woman who has been through so much; if she is willing to put up with me then I owe it to her to look and to feel as good as I can, and to stay as healthy as I can so as to not make her a widow – or worse, a nursemaid to an infirm husband. I am back on track, and I will keep at it so that I can be the best me that I can be. When I pick her up at the airport in California in just over three weeks, she will see the slimmest Mitch that she has ever seen… I make that promise not to her but to myself.

    By staying true to the program I was rewarded on the bathroom scale this morning, this time by a drop of .6 lbs. Doing as I have done these last few days, there are now twelve days that I registered at or lower than my current weight. There was one day in mid-April, and then from May 20 (when my weight was the same as it is this morning) through May 31st. If I drop another .4 lb tomorrow morning, then that number will drop to nine. With a lot of mindfulness and discipline then within the week that scale should be behind me, and looking forward I will only see uncharted weight territory. How exciting… as long as I can stay true to the program.

    I have two obstacles today that I have to overcome with regard to my goal of staying on track. The first is a couple of errands I have to run in the afternoon. Before I go to see my barber, I have to stop off at an office to sign a few papers, but that is of no concern. I seem to have a pattern of going to Bulk Barn to buy peanuts after getting my hair cut. I have to be mindful that I come straight home after that. The second obstacle is that I am meeting someone to buy more meal replacements; he is someone I was advising on the program but who decided it is not for him, and we are meeting for a cup of coffee. There is no harm in the coffee; what else might be tempting at the café is quite another story. I will gird myself to stay disciplined and will not succumb to any temptations. It is so easy to say or write that at 9:45am, an hour after I finished my breakfast omelette, and in the comfort and safety of my apartment. It is quite another to say it in the face of the temptations. I can only do my very best to stay focused and remember why I am depriving myself of all of those foods that I love… so that I will eventually look and feel better than I have in decades.

    Okay, following the conclusion of that paragraph I should mention that I do now already look and feel much better than I have in decades… it is simply that I want to keep improving upon what I have achieved… looking and feeling even better than I do now. That will only come with discipline, and I know it.

    Last night following my class I had my first meeting in a month with my diet buddy. She has moved to Yukon for the year and so our meetings will all be virtual, but it was great to catch up with her. She told me about some of the challenges that she is facing in her new environment. We can talk about small towns in southern Ontario and joke about it, but they are nothing like the sheer isolation of the great white north. She is a schoolteacher, and the stories of her indigenous students tear at your heart. I remember the expression that ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I.’ Yes, I have experienced a hard and challenging life, but it pales in comparison to how some of those children are growing up. Nearly two months after the move she is still adjusting to her new reality, and I hope that when she does get acclimated she will resume with her weight loss success.

    In speaking with Leslie the other day I realized something horrible. She told me she was tempted by a particular food – I do not remember what – and I told her about a weight loss mantra that I have heard many times over the years: Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. When she told me that it was a mantra for anorexics I was horrified. I did not know that the people who said this suffer from a mental condition that is so unhealthy as to lead to hospitalization and even death. I will never forget that lesson and will tell it to the next person who says it to me.

    I am putting off buying a new hard drive. One of my external storage devices failed yesterday, and it will need to be replaced. Fortunately there was nothing critical on it, but I do need the device. I am thinking of purchasing a network attached storage (NAS) device to replace it, but I do not feel like spending the money just now. I have other priorities, and I will hold off a while. I think before I buy that, I should probably buy my server… which I have put off buying because I just do not feel like spending the money right now. There is no connection between that and the meal replacements I am buying today (which will set me back over $500 for what I am buying, and which cannot be put on a credit card); I need to eat, and while my storage will be a little tighter now than it was previously, I am sure I will be able to make do for a couple of months.

    Okay, I suppose it is time for me to get on with it. I am going to see if my wife is available, and if not then I will get a couple of hours of studying in before heading out for my first set of errands.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 581

    While yesterday did not go as well as planned (there were a number of impediments to my well planned timing of my meal replacements), the bathroom scale did once again show a lower number than yesterday. It was not a severe drop, but it was a drop. Speaking of drops, I am now on my third day of not moving my bowels on the current streak. Sigh.

    It is so wonderful to have my wife here; she is only here for a short visit, but I am so thrilled to see her. As soon as she texted me that she was through Customs I left the Cell Phone Waiting Lot and zipped over to the terminal… and twenty minutes later she was in the car. It is truly amazing how badly people drive at and around the airport. We then hit the highway and were on a beeline to get home quickly when we the highway, clear as one would expect at 11:30pm, came to a stop. We are not 100% certain of what the incident on the road was, but we sat there for at least half an hour before we were turned around and forced to get onto the toll road. If I think of it I will try to figure out what happened… when they close a 400-series highway in Toronto/Mississauga there must be something on the news about it.

    Over the last few days I have realized that I want to start wearing my pants differently. In 1998 I acted in a play, and I remember a conversation with the costumer who told me, as I secured my belt beneath my stomach, that normal people secure their belt right around their bellybutton while fat people wore it under their fat. That is where I have worn my belt for decades; yesterday and today I realized that I was having trouble with that, but I still cannot secure it properly higher up… at least, not consistently. I am able to do it for a bit, then find myself having to pull my pants up.

    I stand corrected. During my class’s morning break I was able to take care of business in the restroom… and very productively and to great relief. I feel much better! I only wish I had been able to do it prior to weighing myself this morning. Oh well… that’s life!

    I will be in class all day but that in the afternoon there will be a section that I need to pay less attention to so that Leslie and I can enjoy a cigar together on the balcony. I do not mind listening to the class with half an ear, but I do not get nearly enough time with my wife as I would like, so hopefully we will be able to bask in each others’ company for a few extra hours. While the wind will be picking up this afternoon, there is no rain in the forecast until the middle of the night. Hopefully the wind is not too bad…

    It is great to have my wife here, and that makes my day better! It also gives me a much better chance of being successful with my modified weight loss program. I am extremely unlikely to cheat on my program while my wife is here; she is not responsible for keeping me accountable… but as she is on a similar program to mine (the American program, unmodified) then the least I can do is to not try to not entice her by breaking my stride. Yes, I made my omelette this morning… but that is my modified program, and I will not be eating anything else other than my meal replacements.

    I decided that with the minor slide that I had these last few days I am going to re-cross and re-date the 258 lbs. threshold on my sheet again when I drop below it, which will almost certainly be tomorrow morning. I did not do the same when I dropped back below 260 lbs., but I was only above that threshold for two days. I spent over a week above that last best threshold that I had previously reached, and I am happy to re-date it to show my progress forward from here, and not from last week.

    Okay, I am going to start focusing on my class.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 571

    Today will be better than yesterday.

    I wrote last night that I was having a very difficult time of it. I was down and depressed with no motivation to do anything other than binge-watch reruns of old television programs. It was weird though; I was not completely out of sorts, I was just… blah. I enjoyed my cigars, but I was just not enjoying life. I thought perhaps it was because I was angry with myself over my failures of the previous day.

    They say that therapists need therapy and that attorneys should never represent themselves. I spend so much time writing about positive attitudes and stratagem that it might make one think that I am some sort of fifties television father who never gets cross, or at least never too much and never for too long. I try to be as positive and upbeat as I can be, even in the face of sadness, disappointment, and failure. Most of the time it works. There are also days like yesterday when it really does not.

    There is a quote from one of my favourite TV shows: “Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you. Put it another way, fake it till you make it.” I sometimes put on a brave and happy face even when I am not feeling brave or happy. I do so in the hope that if I do it enough, the maskirovka will become reality. Last night during our chat Leslie wrote: “If only it was as easy as you giving me some patience and me giving you some of my self discipline…” The funny thing about that is that while I do my best to demonstrate the greatest patience at all times, it is not my normal state. My inner nature is one of instant gratification. That impatience has never served me well and I do my best to suppress it, but I do my best to always maintain that outer calmness… even when my interiors are bursting with ‘I want it now!’

    I think of all of this, and I think of how I fell completely off the wagon on Saturday, and how rather than letting myself go I forced myself to be better yesterday. I think of how it is when I am alone and down when food would really make me feel better… if only for a little while. I think of days like yesterday and how, despite being emotionally miserable, I stayed true to the program. It is because I was able to do this, because I was able to tell myself that my depression was rooted in the higher numbers on the bathroom scale that were caused by the cheating of the previous day that I was able to say to myself: ‘It does not matter that food will make me feel better now… I want to feel better tomorrow, which is exactly why I cannot eat now. Leslie reminded me that however the food might make me feel in the present, it is only a temporary high. In that way it is exactly like an addiction to narcotics, which is a comparison I have often made… although I am not sure I have ever framed it in the context of a food-high. It is nevertheless quite apt a comparison. Foods – and especially unhealthy foods – give us an emotional high that makes us feel better now… even while it is making us fat and unhealthy. I suppose I do not need a twelve-step program; I only need to chat with my wife and then think about what she said as I write in my journal. Wisdom achieved.

    While I did not do so on purpose, I woke up and got ready earlier today than I usually do. I needed a shower – I just felt dingy – and then I took the Floof for her walk. I had my omelette, and as I sit here typing the end of today’s journal entry it is not yet 9:30am. Having had too many days when, knowing I am not working, I might procrastinate and check Facebook and whatever else until I realize that it is time for my midday meal replacement, and then wonder where the day went. Not today. By 9:45am I will be outside on the balcony with my coffee and cigar with my computer in front of me, noise-cancelling earplugs in to block out the distractions, and I will be studying until it actually is time for my midday meal replacement. In the afternoon I am getting together with friends (either one or two, depending on who shows up), and at 5:00pm I will send them on their merry way so that I can enjoy my late-afternoon meal replacement before I begin my class. Following my class I hope my wife will be free to talk, but I understand that when her son (my stepson) is with her she is not always able to do so. I might enjoy another cigar on the patio and, if Leslie is not available, I might watch television for an hour, comfortable in the knowledge that it is a short distraction after a full and productive day. I will try to be asleep at a reasonable hour.

    Okay, so right there was my first distraction. I went to check my calendar to see if I had forgotten anything I need to do today and ended up also checking a few other things. I lost maybe fifteen minutes on it and will still be out and getting things done in the next twenty minutes or so. I would give my ADHD meds credit for my not getting so easily distracted, and for not going down the rabbit hole for quite so long… but then why did I do so several days over the last week? No, I think this morning I am just focused and determined to be productive.

    Before I close, I do want to write a bit about the timing of my meal replacements. I mentioned last week that I suspected one of the reasons I failed a couple of times was that I was pushing my meal replacements too far, and in so doing I was letting my hunger get past the point of being satisfied by a 225-calorie meal replacement. Yesterday I realized at a certain point that I was due (or overdue) for my midday meal replacement, but I wanted to finish my cigar, so I waited even longer. I decided then to be cognizant of that and fight any urges that I might feel. I did feel somewhat peckish in the afternoon, but not so bad that I needed to cheat. The excellent cigar I was smoking (and the glass of iced tea) might have helped. I then forced myself to have my second meal replacement at 5:30pm, even though it was only three hours since my previous one. That way I was well positioned to prepare my final meal replacement at 8:45pm… at the tail end of the worst of my glumness, and early enough that I would feel accomplished in not eating any later in the evening (which is never good on any weight loss program).

    The timing of meal replacements on a program as extreme as this is so important to plan. Begin too early in the day and you can find yourself near the end of the day with no more allotment of calories, but still hungry. Begin too late in the day and you might find yourself eating or drinking the last one way too late to promote good sleep and healthy weight loss. When I was on the extreme program – remember, I am having my morning omelette so it is a modified program – I remember each time I began doing the math to see how far apart I should space them, as well as what time I should have the first one. There are other factors at play here… if you are commuting or taking care of a child or in meetings then it might be necessary to plan around those. That is why each person’s program will look a little bit different… but the stratagem are equally important to all of us.

    After an extremely good one yesterday I was hoping that I would be able to successfully move my bowels again today, but despite adding fibre to at least one and often two shakes every day, it seems the dry spell was only briefly interrupted by one good storm, and my efforts today have again thus far been to no avail. I would have thought that following the cheat day I would have at least gotten a couple of days of crap out of it, but so far that is not to be. The weird things we think of when dieting and trying to change our bodies. In any event, while my efforts in the W.C. provided none, I did get good news from the bathroom scale: I dropped the weight I had gained from Saturday’s cheat and my weight is once again below 260 lbs.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 569

    Yesterday was the third day that I stuck to the plan, and this morning was the second day in a row that I dropped 1.4 lbs. from the previous day. For the second time in just three days I have been able to walk to my fridge and cross a number off my list. I am quite elated by that!

    It took a few days, but I suspect I am now used to having breakfast, and then three meal replacements spaced out properly throughout the day. I would not say that I am not a bit peckish when it comes time for the next shake, but I have also not been so ravenous that I have waited eagerly watching the clock, and I have not once felt the need to move my shake up an hour because of hunger. In fact, yesterday Leslie and I were having a video cigar date and I was happy to put off my meal replacement until I was finished with my cigar, which meant it was probably 30 minutes later than usual.

    I am back on track. I am on a mission to lose enough weight by the High Holidays that I will need to get my suit altered in order to wear it comfortably to synagogue. Rosh Hashana starts in 35 days, but I do not have a shul to go to in Canada. Yom Kippur starts in 43 days, and if I can lose 30 pounds in that time then I will be absolutely over the moon. It is an ambitious goal, but if I try my best then what would be the result? I will have tried to lose 30 pounds and only lost 22 pounds; I can live with that as a failure! As they say, shoot for the stars… if you miss then you will hit the moon.

    There is a flash storm going through Burlington right now with thunder and lightning as the rain pours down. It is predicted to last less than an hour, after which the sky will clear up for the rest of the day (save a 50% chance of rain for another 30-60 minutes later in the afternoon). As such I am going to bide my time and stay inside, and when the rain abates, I will go out for a cigar. This evening I am invited to a cigar party in Georgetown which should be fun. I am amused that it is a pool party only because of what I see happening outside my window right now but knowing that it is forecast to clear up shortly I am excited to see the gang of friends.

    My plan for the day is to stay on track! The event this evening is including a barbecue and I told the host that I will not be eating. I am planning to time my meal replacements very strategically: I am going to delay my midday shake to about 1:00 or even 1:30pm, which means I would then be ready for my next one at 5:30pm, and I will literally drink it right before going into the event. I will stay for 3-4 hours maximum and will be ready to have my last shake either on my way home, or at worst when I arrive home… hopefully before 10:00pm. I am going to make sure that I have what I need to make my last shake in the car so that if it turns out that I am having so good a time that I want to stay later then I will just excuse myself to the car for a few minutes and then return to the festivities, cigar in hand.

    I know… today’s plan will require tremendous willpower on my part. I have to remind myself that I had been on a break from weight loss for 2.5 months, and to quote the pilot episode of The West Wing: Break’s over. No, today is not going to be just another excuse to cheat. If I want to come close to my goal of losing 30 lbs. by Yom Kippur, then I cannot falter… today or tomorrow or next week. I have to be mindful, and I need to stay on the program. That’s my goal for today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 568

    My bathroom dry spell continues. I am really hoping that sometime during the day today I will finally feel the urge, but as I advised someone just the other day, there should be nothing to worry about as long as I am not in any discomfort from it. I will continue as I have been doing, realizing that it is possible that my psychological concerns over my failure to move my bowels is just that… in my head. As I mentioned just a couple of days ago, I feel I am in a much better head space than I was at the end of last year and am sure I have the capacity to deal with this right now.

    I miscalculated my plans yesterday and thus found myself out of the house (and without a meal replacement) when it was time to partake. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that if my failures earlier this week were indeed caused by waiting too long then it would not be a good idea to force the wait. I would have been able to make it I am sure, but I did not want my hunger to get too far gone to be sated by a meal replacement. I decided to stop and pick up a handful of peanuts. I ate these instead of (rather than in addition to) one of my meal replacements. I feel that I did well with that compromise, especially knowing that I really was careful with how many peanuts I purchased. The whole purchase cost me $0.87, tax included.

    Despite my inability to flush solid waste of late, the bathroom scale was quite kind to me today. I dropped an amazing 1.4 lbs.! That puts me 40.6 lbs. from winning my bet with Leslie! Okay, I am not really doing this to win a bet, but I am using that as an excuse to keep going and to stay on track. I believe yesterday was the second day that I was able to stay on the program (the peanut substitution notwithstanding). I did not go to bed hungry, and I am happy with my weight loss. I would love to be able to stay true to it until I see Leslie again, which is forty days from today in California.

    I just had an interesting thought. We are meeting in California for Yom Kippur. It was following the Yom Kippur services in 2020 that I fell off the wagon and never quite recovered, leading to my gradually gaining back every pound I had lost and then some. That will not happen this year. In 2020 I drank the tequila and ate the cake, and then went home alone… stopping off at Von’s to purchase a fried chicken which was the beginning of the end. I have said a few times jokingly that it was my rabbi’s fault, but it never was. It was my solitude that led to my failure. This time I have the support of my loving wife, and I will not slip and fall this time… and if I do have a cheat meal to break the fast then I will recover the following day knowing that I have someone who loves me and who supports me… and who I do not want to disappoint.

    How wonderful would it be if by then I might have lost enough weight that my current suits will not fit me!?

    I met with both people who were selling me meal replacements yesterday and now have a good supply to last two months on my partial program. It was a costly day only when viewed as an up-front expense; knowing that I would have bought them anyways, and that I saved 30% off the full price, I am quite satisfied that it was a smart purchase and a prudent one… as long as I do not fall off the program again. Maybe my thrift can be another motivating factor to reach my goals!

    Okay, it is time to get on with my day. I have some studying to do and I hope to have a chat with my wife between her meetings. My cigar and ashtray are ready for those two occasions, as I hope to do my studying outside today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 567

    I did it. Yesterday was a success. I was able to stick to the plan I laid out in yesterday’s entry. Following breakfast I had my midday shake, then one at 5:00pm, then one directly following my class (well, and after I walked the Floof). That was it. I sat on the balcony with a cigar, plugged my ears in to watch a movie, and then shut off the world. I did not really want to speak with anyone, which worked out because Leslie’s son had come home after a week with his father, so she was with him. The other phone calls were ignored. I was able to just relax, unwind, and decompress.

    The result? Despite my inability to move my bowels again this morning (despite adding fibre to my shakes these last two days) my weight dropped a little over half a pound, allowing me to circle (if not quite cross off) the first number on my fridge… I have lost .8 lb. since I printed that sheet a few days ago. .8 down, 42 lbs. to go!

    I have some errands to run today. I have two different people who are selling me their meal replacement shakes at discounted prices. The only problem is that they are both about 30 minutes away from here, and aside from not being in the same direction (well… a little) their schedules do not line up, so I am going to meet the first around noon and the second in the late afternoon/early evening. Oh well. I might reach out to Eduardo and see if he wants to smoke because the second one is in the same town he lives in, and it would be nice to see him again… and maybe Sam.

    I am not teaching today, but I am going to keep the same schedule as I did yesterday. Mindfulness leads to success, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 566

    I guess I am back to not having consistent daily bowel movements and that is going to annoy me every day that my weight does not drop. Fortunately this morning it did drop… I lost a full pound over yesterday which puts me back on track. I told Leslie yesterday that I was worried that I might not lose weight this morning because I did cheat yesterday… I made a tuna salad for myself in the mid-afternoon.

    I think part of what I did wrong yesterday was waiting so long to prepare my first meal replacement. I probably finished breakfast around 8:30am, and then did not prepare it until after 2:00pm. By that time it is possible that my hunger was too far gone, and the 225 calories of liquid did not sate me. It could have been worse; a can of tuna is about 155 calories, plus maybe 100 more from the mayonnaise and onion. That is not the point. I am trying to get back on track with my partial program, and part of that is eating only breakfast. I have to prove to myself that I have the self-control to do that. I will endeavour to do better today. So far, I am on track – it is now 12:40pm; following my normal breakfast I worked for a few hours and then prepared my lunchtime meal replacement at 12:15… that is to say, around lunchtime! If I can stay disciplined, then I will have another meal replacement before I start my class at 5:30pm, and then another one as soon as my class is over.

    I mentioned that I am back on a partial program. I spoke the other day about getting back onto the full program. I am not sure how well that is going to go; I am going to spend a week or two on the partial program (an omelette for breakfast, then meal replacements only) and see how that goes. If I can continue to lose weight like that then I do not think I will need the extreme program. If I cannot continue to lose weight then I will have to reexamine that decision in a week or two, and I might have to do it.

    I had my final appointment with my therapist yesterday. That is not to say that I am never going to go back into therapy, only that I think I have accomplished the goals that I set out for myself at the outset. Whether that is because of the medications or effort or a combination of both, I am happy with the progress that I have made. My therapist agreed, and our last session was spent mostly reviewing my progress. At the end of the session I felt even more confident that I made the right decision.

    I don’t have the time to walk or jog today, but I do consider it a productive day. I am teaching this evening so I will start preparing after my next meeting. It is a beautiful day out so I might do that preparation on the balcony with a cigar. We’ll see! As long as I am able to stick to the meal program and not fall off (as I have every day so far) then I will consider it a successful day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 565

    I cheated yesterday. In the afternoon I had a second omelette, followed by two meatless hamburger patties that I had left in the freezer. This was before I had two glasses of whisky during my final cigar sommelier class. I regret it and will try to do better today. You might ask, dear reader, if I have any food left in the house with which I could cheat without actually going shopping. The answer is yes, there is. While the refrigerator is empty, there is canned salmon and tuna in the pantry, as well as pasta with bottles of sauce. I will ignore them… but there is the option of cheating should my willpower falter again. That is to say nothing of the reality that I can so easily go to the supermarket should I so choose.

    I must stay strong.

    Possibly as a way to remind me what happens when I do not stay vigilant, I was extremely displeased to see my weight up nearly a pound from yesterday on the bathroom scale. This despite having finally being able to move my bowels yesterday afternoon. Yes, I know… eating too much does not get erased because of a good poop. If it did then I would never have gained all the weight in the first place! I should also remember that over three days I lost a lot of weight, and it is not unusual for there to be a slight adjustment from time to time. That it was as much as it was is my reminder that overeating, and then adding alcohol to the mix, is not a good strategy for weight loss. I will do better today.

    My presentation went well l last night, and I am now officially a Habanos Sommelier. What will I do with that credential? I do not know. For the time being I am just happy to have it . I just posted it to my LinkedIn profile. Will it ever result in my getting gigs? Probably the occasional one. Am I ever going to rely on my cigar knowledge to earn a living? No. It is nice to have though… for someone who is so passionate about cigars.

    Okay, I have procrastinated enough. I am going to post this article and then make a few phone calls. I have had too many interruptions, and somehow it is already noon! I am going to try to wait until 1:00pm to have my meal replacement, after which I might try to go for a jog. We’ll see. I do have a few minor errands to run today, but nothing too stressful or taxing. I do have to do some studying for a class I am teaching next month. I do not know if there will be a lot of new material in it, but I do need to go through it because of the different way this material is likely to be structured and communicated.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 564

    My streak of checking my food intake and eating smart continues, and my weight loss streak continues, albeit with a lower drop than I have enjoyed these last few days. I am satisfied that down is better than up… and even better than staying the same. I am encouraged that I am able to get back on the horse… at least for these last few days. I will do everything I can to continue that streak into today… and into the rest of the week!

    Another unfortunate streak that is also continuing is my inability to have a bowel movement. I do not recall if today is Day 2 or Day 3, but I am hoping that whatever the number, it goes no further. It would be nice to feel the urge, and to go before the day is out. We will see. If not, then tomorrow morning at the latest. I can only hope! Well, that is not entirely true… I also added a teaspoon of fibre in one of my meal replacement shakes yesterday and will do the same today. Hope is not a strategy, and when there Is action that can be taken then one would be foolish to not do so.

    After Eduardo left yesterday afternoon I went for a walk. I suspect I broke a couple of personal records during the 12.3km outing. I was extremely pleased with my pace throughout, and while I did feel like my legs were made of jelly when I got up in the night, I am satisfied that when I suit up and go out, I am not wasting my time. Even better, when I came back in, I had a meal replacement shake (after I got out of the shower), and that was it for the evening. The combination of sticking to the plan with regard to food and ramping up my exercise… the results are going to come.

    I mentioned that my wife decided to start the American version of the meal replacement program that I have used (not always religiously) to get to where I am. She is certainly competitive but at the same time realistic. With that said, I am suspicious that when she challenged me that she could drop forty pounds before I could, she might have been doing it with the ulterior motive of encouraging me to get back onto the program religiously, and to blast out of the plateau in which I have been. My wife is no dummy! She knows that while I might not be as competitive as she, I am not one to back down from a challenge. We discussed last night some stratagem she could use to monitor and celebrate her progress, which gave me an idea that I had not tried before. I printed out a table with today’s weight and date at the top of it, and under it numbers descending in increments of two. Every time I drop below the weight on the chart, I will cross it off and write the date on the line next to it. The last is printed in red and has the stakes of the bet at the end of it. I do not know which of us will reach our goal first; I do know that this is a very good way to motivate me to get back on track.

    This evening is my final presentation for my Habanos Sommelier class, and I am going to spend some time today working on it. I have translated it into Spanish so it will not be nearly as easy for me to get through as it would be in English, so not only am I going to edit it down some, but I also plan to practice to make sure I am not going to trip over any of the harder words. I am excited about it but also nervous. Once it is behind me, I will be a Habanos Sommelier! I had a dream last night that I had a phone call with the Master and told him that I wanted to start delivering the classes in English. This is likely because someone over the last few days asked me if I might do that someday, and I told them my Spanish was not good enough. It is something I will think about.

    The only necessary aberration from my food plan for today is what I will pair with my cigars during my presentation. I will have a sip of each of the whiskies, and I might or might not open the bottle of wine… but it is unlikely, as the presentation is about ten minutes, and were I doing the actual pairing I would not be going to the wine before forty-five minutes into the cigar. Because of that I will not need to indulge in the dark chocolate either… which is probably a good thing, even though I would love it!

    Yesterday I finished the last of the lettuce that I had in the house, and starting today I am dropping to one solid meal per day (breakfast). I have eggs left for three more days which means that Thursday afternoon I will either go shopping, or I will decide to drop down to the full meal replacement program for however long I decide to do it. I have not thought that far ahead, but I know that if I go back to the full program, I will have an advantage in my bet with Leslie. It is not that she is not sticking to the program, but it is a known fact that men lose weight faster than women. So who knows how much closer I could be to my ultimate goal when Leslie and I meet in California in September if I do that? How amazing would it be if I could drop 25 lbs. between now and the end of September? It is absolutely doable… as long as I stay focused, mindful, and redouble my efforts to succeed.

    Alright, I have some work to get to so I will close today’s entry here. I have to work on my presentation, which is easier to do in English than it is in English and Spanish.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 561

    I was horrified last night when, before getting into bed, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I was three pounds heavier than I had been in the morning. It is not uncommon for me to be a bit over my morning weight late at night. It is usually a safe bet that by morning I will weigh 2-3 pounds less than my nighttime weight. Unless something drastic happened, I would weigh over (or near) 270 pounds in the morning. It was not fair! I had a normal breakfast and lunch, but I finished the day with a meal replacement shake around 5pm, and then another one around 10:30. How could I actually gain weight after a day like that?

    What I had not taken into account was that the water I had drunk, combined with the fact that I suspect the shakes are a diuretic. I was up to pee three times before my morning rituals; combined with the very successful bowel movement, I ended up down from last night an incredible 5.4 lbs., and 2.4 lbs. from yesterday morning. All is well, I did not have to get disheartened that when I work at it I really can continue to lose weight.

    My wife has decided to use the meal replacement program to lose weight. While I do not care if she loses weight or not, I am happy to support her through it. Over the last few days we have discussed it a great deal. Today is her second full day on the program, and she is experiencing a lot of the side effects that are so normal for anyone who has started the program as often as I have. She seems relieved that I am able to reassure her that the headache, the weakness, the thirst, and all are all perfectly normal. I will continue to be her support system, and her biggest cheerleader.

    I had actually thought to start the full program with her but realized that I had quite a few dollars worth of perishable groceries in the refrigerator and did not want to throw it all out. I have, however, decided to go back onto the partial program. Today I had my breakfast, and after my jog/walk I will prepare my lunch. In the late afternoon/evening I will have a meal replacement shake (or two). The chicken I have in the fridge will then be done, and I will go down to one meal (breakfast) in the morning, and then three meal replacements. I will do that for another week or so, and then I will decide if I want to stick with that program, or if I might be ready to try another month or so on the full program.

    I am not making this decision solely to do it with my wife. I know that I might never get back down below 200 lbs., I know that I still have a substantial amount of weight I would like to lose. In my post-Army life I have never weighed less than 250 pounds. When I reached that milestone on May 27, I was thrilled… and then I started to lose ground. I know I can get back there, and then I can go further. If I can get down to 220 lbs., for example, then I will be completely clear of the Obese Class I category, and I can think about being normal. As I wrote sometime over the last few days, if I can get to a good place then I can make sure that I stay within a range… and not letting myself go again. If I realize that 250 is as good as I can do, then maybe that’s where I will be… but I am not giving up on getting lower unless I really try. If I have done everything I can but still cannot get below that then I will accept it. I will not settle unless I know that I have tried my best.

    This morning Leslie and I had a lovely cigar date on the balcony. I lost track of time, so here I sit writing my daily entry at 12:30pm. It is time for me to suit up and head out. Realizing I was hungry (and that jogging hungry is not the smartest thing to do) I had a yogurt. I should be showered and ready for lunch by 2:15pm or so. That is, unless I keep procrastinating… which I will not do.

    Have a great day folks!