Losing a part of me

Category: Meal Replacements

  • Day 930

    Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.

    My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.

    I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 910

    I did yesterday what I should be doing every day. I had breakfast and lunch, and then for my dinner I had a meal replacement shake. It may have taken me four hours to fall asleep after getting into bed exhausted, but at no point did I feel hungry. That is a huge victory! It is a much smaller victory that the bathroom scale reflected a drop of 3.2 lbs. from yesterday morning, dropping me below 290 once more. I will not consider any numeric losses to be huge victories until they are in the 250s or lower… and until they stay there.

    As I wrote yesterday, I was off kilter with my meds. I did not take them on Tuesday, and I was not able to pick up my refilled prescription from the pharmacy until later in the day yesterday; rather than wait, I took one of the remaining lower-dose pills that I still had. I think it did me okay, but I was still a bit out of sorts after 9:30pm. This morning, I took my full dosage and am hoping for great things. We’ll see.

    If I can follow the same food intake today as yesterday, then I think I will do okay. That is the plan folks.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 883

    It was late in the morning yesterday that I first realized that I not only had frequent diarrhea, but I was also experiencing bouts of stomach pains that were more than just a bit uncomfortable. These would increase and decrease throughout the day, but at no point yesterday was I just feeling fine. In fact, I did something yesterday that I have never done before. I have been using the meal replacement shakes on and off since the end of March 2017. In those seven years I have never discarded half a shake because I just could not stomach it. I was in bed by 6:30, and while I did not really sleep until 2:00am, I did my best to stay put.

    I felt bad that I had not taken Princess Sophie out for a second walk yesterday, so when she asked me to at 1:00am I got dressed and took her outside. This was not going to be a long walk because I did not have the energy, but it is not fair to make her pay for my illness. As we walked out of the building, we saw about thirty feet to our left a skunk, so we paid special attention to give her a lot of space. If I hardly had the energy to walk her, I doubt I would have had the strength to de-skunk her. From a distance, skunks are actually very cute animals. I will always make a point to observe them only from a good distance.

    I wrote yesterday that these digestive tract issues were related to my taking too much fibre the previous days. I no longer believe that, and I have Leslie to thank for helping me to realize it. She suggested that it might be due to illness (such as norovirus), or withdrawal. Last week I stopped taking my antidepressants. Among the possible symptoms of withdrawal from Escitalopram are chills (had those), Digestive issues (incl. nausea, cramps, diarrhea, and appetite loss – yep), and sleep problems (definitely). Before you say, ‘but you stopped taking the pills over a week ago!’ I would also point to one article which reads: ‘…withdrawal symptoms typically begin one to three days after the last dose. Although, rarely they can start sooner (within hours) or later (more than a week).’

    Knowing that these issues are not because of something I ate, and that despite not eating any solid food in two days I am still having terrible diarrhea, there were several times during the day yesterday (and into the night) that I thought to myself that by not eating solid food, I was making things harder on my bowels. It would have been easy to say ‘I need to eat for a day or two or three to have something in my system so that my system can expel something’ but so far, I have not. I did replace my evening meal replacement shake with a protein bar (which I ate much later than I should have), so I guess there is at least something solid in my system to expel.

    I also suspected yesterday that despite all of the water I was drinking, I might be getting dehydrated (which is not uncommon with diarrhea). As such, I ran to the supermarket and picked up a couple of six-packs of Gatorade Zero. I was happy that they had my favourite flavour (grape). I had three of them before the night was over, and I had another one this morning. I may have been imagining it, but I might have seen a slight purple coloration in the toilet before I flushed… or that could have been my mind playing tricks on me (in turn, a common symptom of severe dehydration).

    I admit that we the extreme pooping I did yesterday, I was slightly disappointed to see a drop in my weight of only 1.4 lbs. from yesterday. Given what I endured, I thought it might have been more extreme, but alas it was not. I still was able to, for the third time in as many days, cross off another number on the chart on my fridge. I restarted the program on May 22, when I was 53.2 lbs. higher than my best weight ever. There have been several stops in the last month but despite all of them I have lost 20.2 lbs. in that time, and I am extremely happy with that. I am now 33 lbs. from my best weight ever, and I will get back there by the fall.

    According to my fitness watch, my sleep score was an abysmal 33. Despite being in bed from 6:30pm until 7:30am, it measured less than five hours of actual sleep (and even that I feel is optimistic). My body battery recharged to a laughable 13. Needless to say I am going to take today very easy, although I will absolutely be taking her Floofness out for another walk so that I do not have to do so in the middle of the night.

    I woke up this morning thinking that I was feeling much better than yesterday… despite another very loose experience on the toilet, my head seemed clearer, and I was not chilled. By the time Princess Sophie and I were on the last leg of our morning walk, all of those symptoms were back… albeit not (yet) as severe as they were yesterday. I am hoping that I am getting better, and that these issues will be behind me by the time I have to teach this evening.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 882

    Wow. I wrote to Leslie late last night (after we were usually both in bed and asleep) that I would not be adding fibre into my shakes today. The way things have gone since then, I am going to hold off a couple of days before resuming with a single teaspoon of the powder. I honestly lost track of how many times I had to run to the toilet between yesterday morning and this morning, but it is certainly over ten. I am relieved that I did not need to do so either while I was out walking or during my class. With that said, just between the time I climbed into bed and the time I finally fell asleep I made four or five trips… plus one at 5:15am; yes, I have also had two movements this morning. While in moderation fibre will indeed help keep your bowels regular, in excess it can cause days where you are better off just camping out in the loo.

    I joked with Leslie this morning (prior to my weighing myself) that with all of those trips to the bathroom, combined with my actually staying true to the program yesterday (with no additions or substitutions) it was likely I would have dropped between 7-10 pounds. In fact, my weight dropped another 2.2 lbs., bringing my weight drop since Saturday morning to 8.8 lbs.! I gleefully crossed off another number on the fridge chart for the second day in a row. The last time I weighed less than I did this morning was March 5. I am only 6.4 lbs. from my weight on January 1, and thirteen pounds from my best weight of 2024 (January 22).

    Excuse me while I run back to the toilet…

    Okay I am back… and this is getting a wee bit ridiculous. It is a good thing that I am drinking as much water as I am, because otherwise I would have to start worrying about dehydration. As it is, I might head to the supermarket to pick up some Gatorade Zero to ensure my electrolytes don’t drop below acceptable levels.

    When I was a kid, I had a friend named Mark Nadler who I remember had to drink a glass of Metamucil every day (in addition to taking Flintstones Vitamins… it’s amazing the things I remember from before I turned ten). I never understood why, nor why I did not need to. I assume it was because whatever else I might say about her (and I can say plenty), my mother made sure we ate well balanced meals… or else!

    As I spoke with Leslie last night, I was reminded of my last visit to my Hong Kong tailor who commented that I had gained quite a bit of weight since my last fitting. It was only a seven-pound difference, but it was noticeable… and I can certainly notice it, as some of the clothes that I ordered in September do not currently fit… or I should say that they did not fit a week ago, but they seem to all (except for one vest) fit now. Yay! I suppose there is something to be said for the fibre cleaning out my colon! Nevertheless, I am this morning 7.2 lbs. heavier than I was when I visited the tailor at the end of February, and about 15 lbs. heavier than I was on the previous trip in September. My goal is now to make sure I lose at least those 20 lbs. more before they return in September, and that not only will all of my current wardrobe fit, but I will also be able to order new clothes with a smaller cut than I ever have. That will take some work, but it is certainly a short-term goal to strive for… assuming the end of September counts as short-term?

    I kept my promise to myself yesterday and walked but did not jog. It was hot! For the first time in recent memory, not only did I finish the water bottle that I brought with me from home, but toward the end of the walk I also stopped off and bought another bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade Zero. I walked 7.35km with an average pace of 9m44s/km. Not bad, considering the mercury was pushing 33° Celsius, and there was almost no cloud cover to speak of.

    We have another heat warning in effect for today, but the high temperature is forecast to hit 30°C and no higher. With that said, I might take another break from exercising because of my current bowel issues… I do not think it wise to stray too far from the toilet, and my Lodge brethren who are coming over will understand completely.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 879

    As I said I would, I took my sons to Lone Star Texas Grill for lunch yesterday. Now I remember clearly that the low-calorie meal that I usually order is the Fajita Bowl with grilled chicken, minus the cheese and the poblano crema. While the nutritional value lists this item as 810 calories with 1210mg of sodium, 18g of fat (5g saturated), 35g of carbohydrates, and 32g of protein, from what I can tell by removing the cheese and the poblano crema that would drop to 690 calories with 900mg of sodium, 6g of fat (0g saturated), 32g of carbohydrates, and 25g of protein. Overall, I think I did a decent job on that meal. Nevertheless, I decided to cut out two meal replacements yesterday, just in case…

    As I was chatting with Leslie last night, we discussed how difficult the first day back on the program can be. We were both hungry, and possibly even a little hangry… although not with each other. I told her that it was likely more difficult for her yesterday, if only for the fact that I had an actual lunch. I hope we will both make it through the next few days without too much difficulty.

    I told Leslie that I decided that when I weighed myself this morning, I would have lost a pound from yesterday. When I stepped onto the scale today (after a pretty decent bowel movement) I realized that I was not one pound down. In fact, I had dropped 3.8 lbs., my best weight since the day I put the program aside for the sake of being able to get through my classes. That was fifteen days ago. I am now only 1.4 lbs. from matching my best weight from this diet go-around… and two pounds from being able to cross off another mini milestone on my fridge chart! I am truly stoked about the progress. In fact, as I was writing this journal entry, I felt the urge and had another very productive bowel movement. I might have lost even more!

    I have a lot of work to do today but am still planning on going out for a jog after my midday meal replacement. This morning, I had a lovely video date with my wife on the balcony, and we again discussed our weight loss progress. She did well this morning as well, so we were both happy with our progress. As I have said in the past, she and I joke that on the first days of the program I only need to look at a shake to begin losing weight again, so even with the meal that I had, we had both expected I would do much better. Yay!

    I have been hungry these last couple of hours. I told Leslie that I did not want to enjoy my midday meal replacement until 12:30, and now that is only ten minutes away. I have also had a lot to drink… in addition to my three cups of coffee, I also finished two large bottles (750ml each) of water, which is very good to help my weight loss. It also means that I have spent a lot of time running to the loo, but that is to be expected.

    Okay, I am going to publish this article, drink my shake, and go for my jog/walk. I am going to try to do ten kilometres total (I will jog at least 3km, but possibly more), and I will walk the rest. My last outdoor jog/walk was 90 minutes, and I should be able to do that easily despite the heat (it is now 30°C and sunny), but I will listen to my body. I think the Army trained me to keep going despite any level of fatigue I may be feeling, but I know that I am no longer 22 years old and have to think of the aftereffects as well as what I may be feeling at the time. I will take my large bottle with me but will not hesitate to stop into a convenience store to replenish should I finish it.

    Speaking of the Army, I chatted with an uncle in Israel this morning. I need to get a copy of my service record to submit with my US Immigration papers, and the consulate informed me that I have to get that directly from the Army… and the Army finally responded to my email and told me that I need to call them for it. What a royal pain… without a contact in Israel it would be an expensive series of overseas calls to get it, so he will make the call and try to get it for me. I am crossing my fingers that they do not rebuff him… I suspect his rank should get through at least some of that bureaucracy though.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 876

    I did not exercise yesterday. I also made a critical planning error when I headed out to my Lodge meeting without even having my third meal replacement of the day, let alone bringing my fourth with me. I ended up eating at the Lodge dinner – brisket sandwiches, but I threw most of the bun away. After the Lodge was ice cream and strawberries, but by the time I got there (I had stopped to talk) there were no berries left. I decided to ignore the ice cream, opting instead to take some of the beef that was still available. I did not even take the bread this time.

    My weight was not up this morning as I expected it would be. In fact, it dropped .2 lb. to 280 even. If I can stay true today then… yeah, tomorrow I’ll be down.

    I slept 9.5 hours last night! When have I said that in the last few years? It felt luxuriant.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 866

    Following my first day on the modified program, my weight was up… but only very slightly. .2 lb. is within the margin of error of no actual change, but that does not change the fact that I was hoping to see at least a slight drop. It is, of course, difficult to lose weight when one sits at one’s desk for thirteen hours in a day. I am actually surprised to see that I managed to log nearly 7,500 steps! Walking my dog saved the day on that front.

    My plan for today is to do exactly as I did yesterday with regard to food intake. The only change I will make is that I will try to have my second (last) meal replacement at least an hour earlier than I did yesterday. I was lecturing until 9:15pm, and that is really too late to eat.

    With the fact that these last few days have been mostly negative, let me share at least one bit of positivity: I am wearing my sports jackets. I would not fit into all of them, but at least I am able to wear a few of them. Yesterday I wore the purple one, and today I am wearing the blue one. I am looking forward to being able to wear any of the clothes in my closet again… but that will take some time.

    The meal replacements that I ordered arrived yesterday, and they are the new formula. A lot of the people on my Facebook group had a lot of bad things to say about them, and so I was a little worried. While I still think I prefer the old formula, the new one is not bad. I know I will be able to get used to them.

    Despite my adding fibre to both meal replacements yesterday, I was still not satisfied with my bowel movement this morning. It was not completely zero… but it was not very satisfactory. I know I could have done better, and that if I continue to add fibre then I will.

    It is time for me to get to work… have a great day folks!

  • Day 865

    I fell off the rails yesterday and I paid the price. I gained a full two pounds this morning. Ouch.

    As I spoke with my wife last night, she helped me to remember that I have really been pushing myself way past my limits since I started, and my body really needed a break. She was more concerned that I might not get back onto the program, but I assured her that I would.

    Because of how weak I felt Saturday evening and all day yesterday, I decided that to make sure I was able to get through this extremely grueling work week I would switch to my modified program. Yesterday may have been a cheat day, but today I have done exactly as planned: I had an omelette for breakfast, chicken and salad for lunch, and before my evening class I prepared a meal replacement shake. I received my delivery from the company today, and they were the new formula. I was worried about it, but they are actually pretty good. I will be able to continue with them. In the meantime, this week will be the modified program.

    If I can just get through to the weekend then I can reevaluate my position. I am hoping that I will be able to shed these three pounds that I gained over the last two days, but I do not expect to lose much more than that this week. I am working all day (and three nights) so I will not be doing a lot of movement. Getting back to where I was Saturday would be a victory.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 864

    I was not impressed when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning to find that I had actually gained weight… and not just an ounce, but 1.2 lbs.! Grrr. This is going to happen sometimes, but I did not expect it to happen so early in my program. Had I fallen off track yesterday then I would have felt that it was at least warranted, but I did not. I did change the program a little, but not badly… and certainly not ‘gain over a pound in a day’ badly!

    Firstly, my change to the program: I had my morning and midday meal replacements at around the normal times. I came in from walking Her Royal Floofness at 9:30am and had Shake #1, and then at around 1:30pm I had Shake #2. Eduardo came over for a cigar at 2:00pm, and when he left, I went out for a jog/walk (at 3:30pm). When I came back, I had a shower and then instead of a shake, I had a protein bar. I was still very hungry, so I decided to go to the store to buy almonds. I bought 90g of unsalted almonds, and that was the extent of my cheat. I drank my final shake of the evening after a cigar – around 9:00pm.

    <Warning> The following paragraph contains a tasteless joke that may be considered offensive by some readers.

    Yes, I went over my 900 calories by about 500 calories, but I was still under 1500 calories on the day… and while there is a lot of (healthy) fat in those almonds, the 5g of carbs that I added to my day should not have accounted for this blip. Who knows, maybe it’s my time of the month?

    </Warning>

    I am now 100% convinced that the calibration of my treadmill and fitness watch (with respect to the Treadmill activity) are completely wrong. It was a beautiful day, and I decided to do my first outdoors run/walk. I jogged two kilometres and walked 8.5km. On the basis of what my treadmill measures, that would be roughly 18 minutes of jogging (with the pace set to 4.3mph) and 2 hours of walking (at 3.5mph) … yet I completed the jogging in 14m10s (about 5.25mph), and the walking in 1h16.5m (around 4mph). I did not feel like I was walking or jogging harder on the street than I do on the treadmill. I will have to remember this if I ever do decide to train for a marathon!

    Following my exercise, I took Floof for her walk. We walked our usual turn which took us through the park and the playground. Because we were out at a different time than our norm, where we encountered a different crowd of children with their mothers. There was a group of five mothers speaking Arabic with a Palestinian accent, three of whom were wearing pendants shaped like the entire State of Israel (including Judea, Samaria, and Gaza). It was only five years ago that I discovered that this pendant, in the shape of a map that I have been familiar with since grade school, is their symbol calling for ‘From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free.’ Normally I would not warrant a second glance from any of them, but it so happens that I was wearing an IDF t-shirt (I was fresh from my exercise and had not yet changed when we went out), and so the group of them stopped talking, and glared at me with a hatred in their eyes that I seldom feel in Canada. We did not stop or even slow our pace. A few blocks out of the park, we encountered an SUV flying a large Palestinian flag. They were stopped at a stop sign, and we were stopped because Princess was sniffing around. They stopped for longer than they needed to, the eyes of the driver and passenger glaring at me. I smiled and pointed at the logo on my chest. I had never realized how many Palestinians live within a six-block radius of me. I will be paying closer attention. I will not stop wearing my t-shirts (when I jog) and my pins… but I will be more cognizant of those watching me. It is sad that in Canada I have to be aware of these things… but that has always been the lot of my people.

    I have been having trouble with the program I am on… as is demonstrated by the fact that I have had to supplement it with almonds almost every day of it. Combine that with my activity (which has been exceedingly high these last ten days) and I find my body completely out of energy in the afternoons and evenings. Because of this I told Leslie that I am thinking about transitioning back to what I used to call my partial program – breakfast and lunch, and then two shakes in the afternoon and evening. She recommended that I wait either until I hit the 270 lbs. mark (from which I am now more than a pound farther than I was yesterday), or until at least next Wednesday (when she picks up her son, and so goes off the program). I thanked her for her encouragement… without it, I would have gone shopping this morning. As it is, I am still thinking about it. It is 11:00am – I had my first meal replacement less than two hours ago, and I am already hungry and light-headed. I will not make any decisions yet… but if I am feeling this way still after my second meal replacement then I am seriously going to consider it. I have a very long week of teaching ahead of me, and I cannot afford to faint on camera.

    It has been rainy all morning, although that is set to abate by 1:00pm. I have not decided what I am going to do about exercising today… with my goal-streak at 13 days, and knowing there is no way to extend it beyond 14 days, I can either push myself to hit the 16,400 steps my watch is challenging me to hit today, or I can take it easy and rest my body (which I have overtaxed these last ten days). I have a number of decisions to make today. I will not rush into any of them.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 861

    Yesterday’s run was the best I have done in a while. I successfully jogged five kilometres at 4.3mph (which still is registering at between 8m56s and 9m12s per kilometre) and then a last kilometre walking at 3.5mph. All told it was 6km in 59m40s according to my fitness watch. I do not know if I will be able to beat that today, but my next workout goal is to be able to register 6km jogging.

    I still find myself relying on almonds to supplement my meal replacements. I have been way too informal about how I eat them and am going to start measuring them out. One ounce of almonds contains 170 calories, 5g of carbohydrates, 6g of protein, and 15g of fat. That is a reasonable portion. What I have been eating in a day is probably closer to four portions (having finally taken the time to do the calculations), and I am done with that. The problem is that I do not think I would consider one ounce of almonds to be a satisfying portion. What I will do instead, considering the mental side of things, is I will start eating up to a single protein bar when I need it, and hopefully not every day. The nutritional value of the bars that I have (and really like) are: 190 calories, 14g of carbohydrates, 15g of protein, and 8g of fat. While they are higher in carbs than I would like, I feel that they are quite satisfying as a single portion. They are also properly portioned, so I do not have to worry about that.

    One day I will have the mental fortitude and discipline to eat only what I am supposed to eat. When that day comes, I will be able to freely buy large bags of almonds and keep them in the house without fear of overindulging. At least I am self-aware enough to know that day is not here yet… and the packaged protein bars are what I am allowed to eat.

    I had a bit of a fight with the bathroom scale this morning. I stepped onto it and saw that my weight was up by .4 lb. Hmph. I then went to the washroom and tried to pee, but only a couple of drops came. Oh well. I then stepped back onto the bathroom scale and found that my weight was down .4 lb. from yesterday, or .8 lb. from thirty seconds and six drops of pee ago. I cleared the scale and stepped back onto the scale, and that same weight registered. Okay, I’ll take it. I would not have been terribly upset if, after seven straight days of weight loss (including a single day of no loss), my weight had gone up a little; after all, how many times have I written in this journal that success is not about individual plots on a graph, but rather on the overall downward trend?

    I am thrilled and grateful that I was actually able to order more shakes from the company. For whatever reason, they can only be purchased with a code from a doctor. That is one of the reasons I have been buying my shakes ‘on the black market’ so to speak. The person I bought shakes from last week stopped the program because she is pregnant, and she offered to share her code with me. I did not know if it would work but I decided to try it anyways. Lo and behold, I now have a month’s worth of shakes coming tomorrow! I am quite thrilled by that… yes, it is the little things that bring us joy.

    Okay, it is time to get my day going. I am going to chat with my wife for a while, and then I am going to get onto the treadmill. Later in the afternoon I have a buddy coming over for a chat.

    Have a great day folks!