Losing a part of me

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  • Day 252

    I said something in a meeting on Friday last week that was haunting me yesterday. Fortunately, I got a good response from the head of the team I am working with. We were meant to have a meeting scheduled for today, and I had not heard back from them, so I started to worry that they took offense. When I got a meeting request from them this morning, it lightened my load somewhat. Yes, we are all good, and yes, I remember my French-Canadian slang. There are a few words in the dialect that can be used both gutturally, and to describe something in business as a disaster. I used one of those words to describe part of their systems, and it bothered me for a bit that I might have stepped over a line. The good news is that the people who implemented the systems are no longer with the company, so there should have been no personal insult. It all worked out.

    I mentioned in yesterday’s article that I had toast for breakfast, and then after my walk, I had a sandwich for lunch. After that, I only had meal replacements. I hope that as of today I can be completely back on track. My last two weigh-ins were bad, but this morning I was back in the right direction. I am not quite back down to 315lbs, but I am close to it. With any luck, I will be able to stay on track today. No, luck has nothing to do with it. I have to stay on track, and blaming or crediting luck is silly, and possibly counterproductive.

    This morning I walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I almost went for the last of the raisin challah from Rosh Hashana, which would have been delicious with some peanut butter. I picked it up… and I put it down. I prepared my meal replacement shake and a cup of coffee. There is no luck involved in weight loss, and there is no raisin challah either. I have said it before; however tasty and satisfying it would be, the satisfaction of weighing less tomorrow morning outweighs the tasty challah treat. I also know that this evening, Leslie and I are going to take her son for dinner this evening, and that will be my only meal. I said at the beginning of the holiday that I wanted to be back on track today. I meant it!

    We have a meeting at the bank this morning, and then in the early afternoon I have a meeting with my customer. If that meeting ends when I expect it to, I will go for my walk in the afternoon. If it goes longer, I might have to forego the walking today, which I do not want to do. It may not be an addiction, but I still enjoy it. I also enjoy knowing that I am getting closer to my goals.

    While walking yesterday, I was thinking about addictions. Why is it that it is so much easier to become addicted to food, booze, drugs, whatever than it is to get addicted to exercise and physical activity? Yes, the former are easier, but the latter is actually good for you, literally something that we need. It should be easier to get addicted to things that are good for you. After all, have you ever heard of anyone with a salad addiction? Of course not. I freely admit though that I am addicted to foods… and not the good foods. I am addicted to foods with little to no nutritional value whatsoever. That just sucks.

    I understand the science behind the addiction. Sugar and salt are both substances that our bodies crave, and carbohydrates give us energy. That energy can be used for good – yesterday, after eating my toast with margarine, I hit the road and did a ten-kilometre walk. That energy can also be wasted, at which point the carbohydrates simply convert to fat, rather than burning off. The fact that I understand the science does not mean I am any less thrilled with the fact that salads and exercise are not easy addictions to come into, and that I would happily fight someone for a plate of Buffalo wings. Life is not fair.

    Okay, so here’s the plan for the day: I had my meal replacement and am drinking my coffee. While preparing for my early afternoon meeting, I will have my second meal replacement. After that meeting, I will go for a walk – not as long as yesterday’s, especially knowing that it will be quite warm out, but a walk, nonetheless. I will come home, cool down, take a shower, and likely have a third meal replacement. When Leslie and the boy come home, we will decide what to do for dinner; it will most likely be sushi, but that will be their decision. I will go along with whatever they decide, and I will just try to make good decisions when we are at the restaurant. We will come home, and while Leslie spends some time with her son, I will either participate, or I will give them space. That will be based on how things go. By the time I get into bed, I will have ingested under 1,200 calories, and as few carbohydrates as possible. Sound good? If that works, then tomorrow morning I should once again be happy with the numbers on the bathroom scale.

    Of course, if it were that easy, I would be slim already. That is why we say ‘One day at a time.’

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 251

    On this, the second day of Rosh Hashana, I woke up and told my wife, ‘I am going to walk ten kilometres today.’ I have not come close on any walk in Dallas so far, but the temperatures were not too bad – it was in the high seventies when I started, and probably up to 85° Fahrenheit by the time I was done. I looked at Leslie and told her that if I was going to go, now was the right time to head out, before it got too hot.

    The only record that I broke today was my distance walked in Dallas, not really a measurement I track religiously. Leslie joked with me that my average pace was over 10:00/km, so what’s the use. We had a good laugh about that.

    • Distance: 10km (7.5km)
    • Duration: 1:40:51 (1:13:40)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:03 (9:49)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m40 (9m28s)
    • Steps: 12.7k (9.2k)
    • Calories burned: 1,203 (941)
    • Elevation gain: 47.5 (34)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 126 (126)

    There’s no question that I was a bit slower today than usual, and I am not sure why that was. I know that I did a couple of double-backs to wait for red lights, but that should not affect my pace that badly. I was wearing Asics and not Adidas, which definitely have a different feel to them. I also know that I felt a bit of a bump in my foot for the first kilometre, but I do not think that was anything other than a bunched up sock that fixed itself in the first little while.

    I did eat bread for breakfast and had a sandwich for lunch. I am hoping that the carbs this morning helped with the walk, but I am done with bread for the next few days. Tomorrow I will be back to meal replacements for most of my food intake… plus probably one meal per day. For that meal, I might have to bite the bullet and make it the evening meal, because starting tomorrow we will be with Leslie’s son, and I do not want him to think that I am not participating as part of the family. I am okay with that… he’s worth it, and so is Leslie.

    I do not know what our plans are for the evening, but Leslie understands and supports my meal plan, so we might get something for her, and I will have a meal replacement. We’ll see… the holiday ends this evening, and I am not going to make any more excuses. The next few days are weight loss days, baby! I am going to get on that plane to California next Monday as lean and mean as I can!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Push It!

    I was thinking, as I approached the last quarter-kilometre of my fitness walk today, that it was less than three months ago that I passed the exact same spot where I was today, and said ‘Wow, I can’t believe that I was able to finish five kilometres in such good time, with a pace of 10m54s per kilometre. I remember thinking to myself ‘I had better put on the brakes right here, stop my timer, and just take a relaxed pace back to the apartment. I really pushed myself today!’

    If I were to register a pace of 10m54s per kilometre today, I would consider it a terrible fail.

    I did push myself today, although I am still not hitting 8km, which in Canada is my bare minimum. I do not know if it is the heat (which today was nowhere near as prohibitive as it has been) or the humidity, or simply the fact that I do not know the area as well, and the routes I take are safer, but shorter. I do know that I am still proud of what I achieved today, and only wish I was carrying more water. Yes, I am worried that if I run out of water on a stretch of road where there is nowhere to buy another bottle of it, then I will end up panting my way back home. I finished my bottle as I came into the apartment today, 7.5km into the walk.

    • Distance: 7.5km (7km)
    • Duration: 1:13:40 (1:11:22)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:49 (10:11)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m28s (9m33s)
    • Steps: 9.2k (8.7k)
    • Calories burned: 941 (857)
    • Elevation gain: 34 (27)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 126 (120)

    Today’s was the first walk in Dallas on which I have a total average pace under ten minutes. I am happy about that, and remembered along the way of one walk in mid-July when I was just hoping to finish seven kilometres in under 1h15m. While there is still the occasional walk when I do not achieve that pace, today was not one of them. These days, I try to keep ahead of 10 minutes per kilometre pace, which means that I will always be under 1h10m on the seven. Today I did it in 1h8m19s… not my record, but certainly a very respectable pace for me!

    I am glad that I am keeping active, and hope that I will be able to stay on track with my weight loss regimen. The holiday aside, I can definitely get back on track starting tomorrow. If I keep up my walking, there is no reason I should not be able to get back down below 315lbs by the weekend!

  • Day 250

    Shana Tova uMevurechet! A Blessed Happy New Year to all my Jewish friends and readers!

    As expected, my weight rebounded this morning. I am not going to worry about it – the holidays are the holidays. I am not going to go overboard, but I am not going to deprive myself. I will, however, try to go for a walk this afternoon.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 249

    For those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time, you will know that I have days when I expect to be down, and days when I expect to be up. There are days when I expect to be down, but disappointingly I am not, and there are days when I expect to be up, but I am pleasantly surprised that I am not. While I did not go terribly overboard yesterday, I did not follow the plan, and I expected my weight to be up… but was hoping that I might get lucky and either stay the same, or maybe even lose a couple of ounces.

    When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was so pleasantly shocked by a three-pound weight loss from yesterday morning! I was overjoyed, and even if it regulates back a little bit tomorrow, I feel that I got a reprieve for some bad behaviour. Who knows, maybe I was right, and that being in Leslie’s presence is conducive to weight loss!

    Yesterday’s cheating was not completely terrible, but there were a few things I did wrong. The first of which is that I ate far too much dim sum at lunch. It is not something that I do often, but dim sum is one of my favourites. Of course, I had just come in from an extremely good workout walk, so my metabolism would have taken care of the calories much better than if I had not walked.

    After a glorious early-afternoon nap, Leslie and I decided to spend a couple of hours in the pool. It was glorious to be able to sit in the water under the hot sun with my beautiful wife, smoking cigars and just being in love. It was not until we started discussing dinner ideas that I realized that it was our three-month anniversary! A date night was indeed in order, and the restaurant we decided on was called Whiskey Cake. She had told me about it before, and that she wanted to take me there for at least a scotch… to thank me for something I did a long time ago. We got dressed up and went.

    Our reservations were for 8:45pm, and we walked in perfectly on time, thanks to her skillful driving. We sat on the patio, and the waiter brought us the whiskey menu, which included American, Canadian, Scottish, Irish, and Japanese whiskies. I opted for a flight of four Japanese expressions called the Kampai Flight. It included the Yamazaki 12, the Hakushu 12, the Nikka Coffey, and the Nikka Barrel. Each one was quite delicious… and from the first named to the last, the got better in that order.

    We shared an appetizer of hummus with vegetables and a few pieces of pita, which was quite delicious. It is rare that a restaurant in North America has a dish seasoned with za’atar, and it tasted delicious. For our main course, Leslie ordered a mushroom meatball sandwich, which was simply out of this world. The waitress told us later that it was a staff member who opted to become vegetarian who was playing around with ideas at home and landed on the recipe. Kudos to that staff member! Knowing what I was drinking, I was tempted by the rib eye steak, but decided to be good and ordered the salmon. I decided to be bad and ordered the French fries with it. While that was a monumentally silly decision for someone on a diet, I decided to splurge. My wife and I were celebrating, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

    The celebration continued when we got home, with a bottle of champagne – one of my wife’s favourites – which we enjoyed in her new and very lovely painted champagne flutes. The evening was a lot of fun… and the weight loss program could start anew on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, Monday morning (after our festive Erev Rosh Hashana meal on Sunday evening.

    You can see from this how I was expecting my weight to be up this morning. Not only was it down, but it is also back at the 315lbs mark… for the first time in nearly three weeks. I have only registered one day below that weight, and I am looking forward to continuing down… hopefully tomorrow, but not likely. As I mentioned, dramatic one- and two-day weight drops tend to adjust up on the third day; I am down six-pounds since Friday, which we can all agree falls into the dramatic range. Who knows? Tonight is Rosh Hashana… maybe the Lord will be merciful and grant me another drop tomorrow! I know, it does not work that way. Does it?

    This afternoon we are going to see the Immersive Van Gogh Experience. It should be interesting. I have heard from several friends who have seen it in other cities that it is fabulous. I have never been the art museum type, but this looks like something completely different. I am going into it excited and with an open mind. It will also be only the second time that I am going into Dallas proper, despite this being my third trip here. Dallas is a huge city, and Leslie lives in a suburb. Suburban life is so rich that truly, one scarcely needs to go into the city itself. If you need any more proof, I do not think I have been in downtown Toronto since moving back to the Greater Toronto Area thirteen months ago!

    I usually close my daily piece with the simple phrase, ‘Have a great day folks!’ Tonight, Jews around the world celebrate the New Year, and so I feel I should close by wishing all of my Jewish readers a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year, le’Shana Tova uMetukah. May the coming year (5783) bring blessings, health, and joy to you and to your family.

  • Don’t Lose Your Head!

    It is important, whatever one’s state of mind, to be prepared. When one is not prepared, bad things can happen. Fortunately, sometimes those bad things can be mitigated, and no harm is actually done.

    I was not in a great frame of mind when I left the house this morning to go for my walk. A misunderstanding led to a miscommunication, which led to my mind being elsewhere as I prepared to embark on my fitness walk. The consequences were that I left the house wearing my wedding band (my fingers swell when I walk, making it extremely tight) and my chain (no big deal) … and I left without water. Even if the thermometer was not tipping over 90° Fahrenheit, that is never a smart move.

    In fact, I left without my satchel, which is strange because I seldom go on a fitness walk without it. I even went looking for it (and found it) before going out… and then left it right where it was. When I say my mid was elsewhere, you can believe it truly was.

    I never walk with my wallet. I keep a few dollars in both Canadian and American in a pocket of my satchel, in case I need to buy a drink along the way. Without the satchel, I did not even have that. Fortunately, I do have a payment method set up on my phone, so halfway through my 7km trek I was able to stop at a convenience store and pick up a bottle of Gatorade.

    • Distance: 7km (10.5km)
    • Duration: 1:11:22 (1:42:06)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:11 (9:43)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m33s (9m26s)
    • Steps: 8.7k (13k)
    • Calories burned: 857 (1,261)
    • Elevation gain: 27 (31.7)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 120 (126)

    I broke no records today. Well, I think it is my longest walk in Texas thus far, but that is not really important. It was a good walk. Not only did I get a lot of exercise, I had the opportunity to clear my head and to think. Unlike the last several walks (during which I have been listening to audio books), today I listened to my music. I did not have to focus on anything other than putting one foot in front of the other, and to not walking into traffic. I was able to think about things and come back home with a clear head.

    I suspect that after lunch, Leslie and I might grab a couple of cigars and head down to the pool. It is a mighty hot day out there, and Leslie found a new cigar that she loves at the event last night. I will be happy taking a couple of decent sticks (also most likely purchased at the event last night) and spending a lovely few hours soaking and smoking with my gorgeous bride.

    Leslie is preparing chicken dim sum for lunch. I am excited about that, and think that I earned it, what with my foray into the heat this morning.

  • Day 248

    It was a relief this morning to see that I dropped back under the 320lbs threshold. The number on the scale yesterday really freaked me out. I am glad to be back under that mark. It is all thanks to Leslie – her aura is conducive to weight loss. Yes, that is an inside joke! Seriously though, I had a couple of opportunities to go off track, and she helped me to stay the course.

    We had a lovely day yesterday. We had some errands to run in the morning, and when we came home, I made Leslie her salmon melt (as I wrote about yesterday). When Leslie finished work, we got ready for our fun evening at the cigar event. On the way, we stopped to have passport photos taken. We need that for some paperwork we are filing.

    For dinner, we decided on Portuguese chicken. Leslie loves a particular place, and I can see why – the food was fabulous! While we ate later than I normally would, the meal itself fit right into my regular meal plan – chicken with vegetables. It was absolutely delicious, and I look forward to going back there soon.

    Despite the late dinner, it turned into an early night. We were both tired, and I had no problem being in bed by 10pm. I obviously needed the sleep, as despite a couple of pitstops, I did sleep through to morning.

    Today we have very little planned, but we will have a great day together I am sure. I might go for a walk, we might spend some time at the pool. Who knows? It is a beautiful day in Dallas, and we will enjoy it together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 247

    The bad news: I fell completely off the wagon yesterday, from the time I got to the airport until the time my flight landed. My weight this morning is back above 320lbs… although not by as much as I expected it would be.

    The good news: I am in Dallas with my baby, and all is right in the world. We went for Shawarma last night for dinner, and then we sat by the pool smoking cigars. It is so good to be back with her. Life is just better when we are together.

    After running some errands, I made us lunch today. The base was a salmon salad with light mayo and onions. For Leslie, I made a salmon melt on a challah roll with aged sharp cheddar. For me, I mixed it with vegetables and poured olive oil and balsamic vinegar on it. Not my best work, only because I was lazy. Had I done it properly, I would have made and dressed the veggie salad separately, and then put the salmon salad on top. Oh well, it still wasn’t bad.

    This evening, we are heading to the Cigars International lounge for an event. Of the three events that we are planning to go to there in the next month, tonight’s is the one I am least excited about. It will be a great event for sure, but the other two are really exciting. After the event, we will grab dinner, and then come home to light the Shabbat candles. All in all, it should be a good day. Why? Because I am back with my baby!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 246

    Princess Sophie has gone to spend the next few weeks with her friend Susan, who will take very good care of her. My bags have been packed and near the door since yesterday, although each of them has made at least one trip back to the bedroom for repacking. I decided to alter my plans somewhat and am heading to the airport in 20 minutes.

    The Uber is ordered for 9:30, I am going to publish and then wash out my coffee cup and then go downstairs.

    Have a great day folks!

  • The Weight Loss Success / Failure Star

    A couple of years ago, while I was doing very well on my program (and before my total collapse and backward slide into total failure) I came up with this logo – the Weight Loss Success/Failure Star. Please believe me that I did not design it to look like the Star of David with the Palestinian colours, but yes, that is what it looks like. Ooops.

    I still think the message behind the star is correct. There are many ways to fail, but three main keys to success are solid: Caloric/Nutritional Intake, Water Intake, and Physical Activity. Without these three, success is unlikely.

    The three ways to fail that I enumerated are absolutely true, with Attitude, Stress/Lifestyle, and Work being three big factors to failure. Of course, there are plenty others… but these three are key.

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    As I looked at the star today, with its two interlocking triangles, I had a bit of an epiphany. By inverting the red triangle, we would be left with only a triangle. If that sounds simplistic and obvious, let me explain why I felt this important:

    Attitude: The wrong attitude is a surefire way to fail, in weight loss as in so many aspects of life. By flipping our attitude, we can turn it to green, and make it a success factor. Attitude.

    Stress/Lifestyle: There are so many different ways to deal with stress. Most people who have obesity issues often deal with stress by turning to food, and bad foods at that. When we look at the habits of myriad people who stay in shape, we learn that a lot of them deal with stress by integrating physical activity into their life. I have met many people who look at exercise as a way to destress. In fact, any medical professional will tell you that exercise is an antidepressant. By changing our habit of turning to food into turning to exercise, we can turn our stresses and lifestyles into another success factor. Stress/Lifestyle.

    Work: It is easier for people with jobs requiring physical labour to be healthy, but those of us who work in office environments – sitting at desks staring at computer screens – are prone to the ill-effects of eight to ten hours of sitting on our bums. Every company is different, every office. If you go into an office or you work from home, or if you are on the road visiting different sites, every work environment and schedule will have different requirements. With that said, if you are able to find a time – either during your lunch or during your breaks, or whenever it will be, it is possible to integrate physical activity into your routine. I have worked at companies with great gym facilities, which allowed employees to work out during their breaks, and even shower before returning to their desks. Others have simply had staircases that employees could use to exercise – up three floors, down three floors, repeat. Some have nothing but leaving the building during the day to go for a walk is always an option.

    A lot of companies provide snacks to their employees, and these can be a real stopper. Yes, many of the unhealthy snacks are a good way to test your willpower, but you only have to falter occasionally to fail at your diet. A friend on a similar journey as mine cried to me this week that one of her coworkers has been bringing in cookies from Tim Hortons every day. I told her how proud I was that she did not succumb to the temptation, but on one of these days she might. The good side of this is that a lot of companies recognize the value of healthy snacks, ranging from fresh fruit and granola bars to yogurts and salads. Even if you only make the decision to stick to water in lieu of diet soda (which is deceivingly un-weight-loss-friendly, you have chosen positive over negative. There are choices that we can all make to turn the negative work experience green and make it a success factor. Work.

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    All of a sudden, we see that all of our points are green, and failure, while still present, is a lot lighter than our success factors. If we are able to flip our downward (red) triangle, our star (upward and downward) now looks more like two forward-facing arrows. If we are able to take control over all of these points, then we can move in that direction (forward) to losing weight, and to better health.

    These are simple concepts that are not easy to implement. If they were, all of us would be slim and in great shape. The psychology behind all of this is far beyond my basic understanding, but I know that every time I have failed at losing weight and keeping it off, it has always come down to psychological factors. With that said, we can all benefit from getting help. I don’t mean speaking to a psychologist on a regular basis, but a weight loss buddy – either someone who has gone through the sort of weight loss you are working toward, or someone who is currently on the same journey.

    The advantages of someone who has been there before are that they know the pitfalls, they know what you are going through, and they have been there… and succeeded. The advantage of someone who is on the same journey is that there is no judgement, only encouragement. Of course, the downside is that if they fall off, you are left alone.

    Asking for help is hard, but the benefits of the help are tremendous. If you think you don’t know anyone, then let me assure you that social media is replete with support groups for anyone who looks. You may have to look, but you likely won’t have to look too far.

    Do not rush it, but do not dawdle. If you follow the arrows, pretty soon you will be the star of your new, slimmer life.