Losing a part of me

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  • Day 267

    Yesterday went almost exactly as I predicted. After breakfast and coffee, I took another cup of coffee and spent the day at the cigar lounge, this time sitting on the patio most of the day. The mistake that I made was that I neglected to pack a couple of meal replacement bars into my kit, so I got there with nothing to eat. My options were to order food in, or eat nothing. Surprisingly, I opted for the second option.

    When Leslie came to pick me up, we headed right home, and I had my second meal replacement of the day. She was hungry too, having spent the day at the office. Rather than eating another meal replacement bar (which was already in my hands), we decided to go for an early dinner. We opted for Mexican food. What we ate was mostly healthy and program-friendly, with the exception of the nacho chips. Those chips with salsa, sitting on the table in front of two very hungry people who hardly ate all day, were too tempting for both of us.

    I weigh more this morning than I did yesterday, but that is more likely an adjustment, and not because I ate nacho chips at the restaurant. Aside from the fact that I was sedentary all day yesterday, I had also dropped nearly six pounds in two days. That is a lot of weight, and it makes sense that it adjusted back… I am glad it was only .6 of a pound, and not more.

    My foot is still hurting today, but it is more of an ache than an agony. Even last night it was feeling like someone dropped a bowling ball on it. Now it feels… like it’s in a bit of pain. It is still enflamed, and looking at my two big toes side by side there is a noticeable difference. I continue to take Ibuprofen for it, but will probably add Naproxen to that for a couple of days to reduce the swelling. In the meantime, I will not fitness-walk today, but I will walk to the UPS Store to drop off packages… and maybe I will walk around the block to make it a 3-4km walk. We’ll see.

    Leslie and I both bought new laptops yesterday. She gets an employee discount on Microsoft Surface devices, and I have been using Surface for a decade now. I am looking forward to my new laptop… but I likely won’t receive it until Leslie comes to visit me next month, because I am going back to Canada on Sunday. Oh well, I can wait.

    My plans for the day are… none. I have no plans for the day. I have errands to run, which won’t take an hour. I have leftover Mexican food for lunch. In the afternoon I will likely do some reading. In the evening, Leslie and I will spend another magnificent evening together on the patio… just as we did last night. It was our first day without her son in two weeks, and it was quite quiet and relaxing. We were able to have a lot of great conversations about a lot of things that we cannot discuss in front of the child. Tonight, we might shift our location from the balcony to the pool area, but that is a decision we can make anytime between now and then. I do not know what we will do for dinner, but it will be healthy. Maybe I will make chicken… we will see.

    Oh, we also picked up her new eyeglasses yesterday. I point this out only because we were not able to pick up my new eyeglasses yesterday. We ordered them from the same store that uses the same lab at the same time, but hers came in last week, and mine will come in next week… after I am back in Canada. Yes, Leslie will be able to collect them and mail them to me… but it would have been nice to get them before I left.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 266

    Best-Weight-Zone is a great place to be. I am back to what I weighed at the end of February, 2021. My best weight of that year would be three days later, the day that I started my contract with Microsoft. I weighed 305.6lbs that day (March 3). By March 31, I weighed 325.2lbs. I had not quite given up… but I was close to it. My actual give-ups were probably the day that my father passed away (April 19), and then the day I returned to Canada (July 16). That will not happen this time.

    I worded that in a way that made it sound like something happened to me. No, it was me doing it, and so a better way to say it would be I will not do that this time. My goal is to get slim and to stay slim… no matter what external forces push me. That is a great goal of course… but the reality is that it is an extremely difficult course that I am on, and I have to remember to persevere, no matter what. If I falter one day, I have to get back on track the next day.

    The psychology of weight loss is complex. Anyone who says otherwise does not understand the forces at work. It is simple to say ‘I will not eat anything bad. I will not eat excessively. I will continue to exercise.’ It is not nearly as easy to maintain that attitude long-term. That is what I have to do… and if I fall off the wagon on any given day, I need to pick myself right back up the following day and continue. Alcoholics use the mantra ‘One day at a time.’ I have to keep going. I have to remember what I discussed months ago in this very journal, about how overeating is an addiction just like alcohol. To treat it otherwise is to belittle the difficulties in losing weight, at least for someone who has been obese their entire life (or in my case, my entire post-Army life).

    Several months ago, I wrote an entry called Temptations and Cravings in which I discussed the allure of a particular fried chicken restaurant… I discussed how after the last time I ate it I felt nauseous. I knew that I should not be tempted by it, but I was. That was on Day 9. You would think that by today, 257 days later, I would be over that craving. Yet just three days ago, as I was driving toward the salad place which was closed, I saw this chicken place and was sooo tempted. I know it made me sick! And yet there I was, so tempted to pull in to take home a bucket of extra crispy. Whoever said that food is not addictive was completely out to lunch… pun intended.

    My foot is hurting again today (and has been since last night). Perhaps the six kilometre walk yesterday was not my best idea. I’ll get over it, but if tomorrow I feel like heading out, I will first decide if the pain is worth it. I am perfectly ready to say that it is… but Leslie might have another position, as she does not enjoy seeing me in pain.

    The plan for today is to spend it at the cigar lounge. Leslie is going into her office for an event, and so I could either sit at home pining for her (which I will do anyways), or I could sit at the cigar lounge enjoying a stick or two. I quite think I prefer that second option. For the first time in a fortnight, we will be alone this evening – her son went back to his father’s house. As such, this evening will be a date night, with a nice dinner, and then drinks and cigars on the patio. While we love spending time with the boy, we also love spending time alone. Also, after her week with him at Disneyland, I know she needs a bit of a break from him, and a bit of adult time will do her well.

    It is another beautiful day in Dallas, and we are going to enjoy it. I will probably sit outside at the lounge today, depending on a few different factors.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Change Of Plans

    I was planning on taking another day or two off from fitness walking, but decided to head out anyways. It was my intention to take a shorter walk than my last few, and if I needed to, then I would take it easy. I set out on a path that would be just over 6km, and if I felt I was hurting, there were plenty of opportunities to shorten that.

    • Distance: 6.23km (15.56km)
    • Duration: 59:59 (2:40:02)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:37 (10:17)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m23s (9m34)
    • Steps: 7.6k (19.3k)
    • Calories burned: 774 (1,871)
    • Elevation gain: 31 (76.5)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 128 (120)

    I am not at all disappointed by what I was able to accomplish today. I set out hoping to not be in too much agony, and any actual exercise I was able to get was a bonus. In the end, each of my split-pace kilometres was under 10m (except the first), with all but the first and last also under 9m40s. It was an excellent pace, and I did not feel pain, nor did I feel extreme fatigue. It is my first fitness walk in ten days, and I felt good about it. I will try go farther Thursday though.

    I thought about hopping onto the scale after my shower to see how my walking affected it, but I got distracted. It doesn’t matter, whatever my weight is, it is. I only count my first weigh-in of the morning, and today’s was pretty good. If tomorrow I lose another pound, I will be in best-weight territory again, which is where I always want to be!

    Time for me to relax the rest of the day. Enjoy the afternoon folks!

  • Day 265

    Yesterday went mostly well, and then I had a Wendy’s hamburger for dinner. I did not expect good results on the scale this morning, although I did expect that some of the water weight (from the excessive salt intake the previous day) would drop off. As I prepared to step onto the bathroom scale this morning, I was saying to myself ‘Please, just be under 315lbs.’ I stepped up, and when the numbers stabilized, I was actually just under 312lbs! I was happy with that indeed, and while I will not celebrate with a cheat meal, I am happy that my cheat last night did not affect me.

    For the record, I did eat the hamburger with only half the bun. I have never been big on open-faced sandwiches, especially burgers. However, in this case I decided to reduce my starch intake by half. I felt the burger itself was bad enough, and while some bread was bad, more bread was worse.

    Aside from the burger, yesterday went exactly as planned. I was very comfortable hanging at the cigar lounge, and I did pick up my salad from Salad to Go. I also had a couple meal replacement bars for eating throughout the day – I only ended up eating one of them – so the day was relaxing and satisfactory. I was not hungry, and I lost weight. Yes, I know… the weight that I lost was a combination of the travel weight and the salt weight. I am okay with that… I just wanted to lose any weight that I gained in California. I was 311lbs the morning I got onto the plane, and am now 311.8lbs. In another day or two I will be back to where I was, and that is a success. I have too many times gone on vacation and taken three weeks or longer (if ever) to lose the holiday weight.

    My plans for today are similar to yesterday in most facets except location. I will hang around the house while my wife works. I will go to Salad to Go to pick up lunch for us (I introduced her to them before we left for California, and she loved it), and will probably smoke cigars on the balcony while watching TV and reading. In the evening, we will have dinner with her son (likely tamales or chicken nuggets), but I do not think that will be a disaster for me. As I said, if I can lose that last .8lbs in a couple days, I’ll be satisfied. If I can get down to 309lbs before flying back to Canada in five days, well that would be an absolute home run! The day I came to Dallas, I weighed 319.4lbs. A ten-pound loss in just under a month would be excellent!

    My foot is still in pain. It is less pain, and hardly feels like gout. It is just like someone dropped a bowling ball on my foot a week ago… which to be clear, nobody did. I am starting to suspect it is muscle fatigue from a lot of driving on California freeways (and in California traffic) … although just three days ago, it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. It is improving every day… but there’s still a day or two to go before I fitness walk again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 264

    Yesterday did not go well for me. I fell off the wagon. I do not know what happened to me, but it was bad. It was not a cheat day; it was a failure. Today I have to get back on the wagon. I am starting it right, with a meal replacement and a cup of coffee.

    What is the difference between a cheat and a failure? Intent and enjoyment. A cheat meal would be if I were to say: ‘You know what? I deserve a bowl of pasta. I have been good this week, and while it is not on my program, I can afford one bad meal.’ A cheat is something I will enjoy, that is planned. When coming home from the lounge at nearly 9:00pm, I realized I was hungry. Trying to be good, I drove up to Salad To Go at 9:00pm exactly, and had just missed them by one minute. A success would have been to go home and have a meal replacement. What I did was I drove across the street to Panda Express. I do not even like Panda Express. That was a failure, pure and simple.

    My foot is still in pain. It is not as bad as it was… not nearly. I suspect it was a bout of gout, probably because of the carne asada from Friday night. Whatever it was, I was stupid for not just picking up some painkillers Saturday morning. When I walked into the apartment yesterday, among the first things that I did was to take a couple of Ibuprofen. All that to say, I am hoping to resume my fitness walking tomorrow. I think I need one more day though.

    My plan for the day is to spend a good deal of it at the cigar lounge doing some reading. Around 4:00pm I will come home to shower and change my clothes, and at 5:30pm I will be at the airport to pick up Leslie and her son. I saw them Saturday but have missed them! I am really looking forward to hugging my wife. I will stop by Salad to Go to pick up a salad for lunch, and will not leave the lounge until it is time. Today should be an easy day to control my food intake.

    By the way: I wrote yesterday that I hoped to be below 315lbs this morning. I was not – I am 316.2lbs, which means I gained five pounds on the trip… but I honestly expect that much of that is from yesterday, with all the crap… much of it was salty. NOT GONNA DO IT TODAY!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 263

    The Day of Disney was enjoyable, and while I did not stick to the plan, it could have been much worse. I had avocado toast for breakfast on my way there, then mid-afternoon Leslie’s son wanted pizza. My options were either non-kosher, or cheese pizza. Yes, I ate lousy pizza. Leslie (my biggest supporter) and I agreed that there were no better options.

    On my way home from the park, I decided to pick up chicken from El Pollo Loco. I seem to recall my ex-girlfriend loved the food there. I don’t understand it, but to each their own. It is not that it is bad, just… well, having eaten at Zankou this week, I know there are much better options.

    My step count was exceptional. I do not remember the final tally, and because I am in the air I cannot check. Aside from the park (which is a lot of walking to begin with), I decided to return my rental car last night, and then walked back to my hotel. Yes, for a regular fitness walker, the extra mile (quite literally) should not be a problem. However, when you are walking around on a foot that is in agony, it was a challenge.

    I confess, I also had a bag of chips last night. Bad Mitch! After doing so well at the park, the chips was not the worst thing in the world… but it was not good.

    At the park, I did have a bite of Leslie’s churro, and I also had three spoonfuls of the milkshake monstrosity they shared. By the way, four of us could have shared the thing and still been over our daily calories limit. I am glad I was able to restrain myself. The boy was hugely excited about the thing, but that’s why they sell them.

    My breakfast options at the airport were not great. Again, I opted to eat kosher-style, so a turkey avocado sandwich was my only option. That and a cup of coffee satisfied me nicely. In flight, I did have the cookies with my coffee, but only one (I usually ask for a second).

    Leslie was worried that I would not be eating the chicken legs & thighs that I have in the freezer today, but I gotta say that after nearly a week on the road, I am really looking forward to cooking my own food. I am probably meeting friends this evening, so when I am back from the airport it will be my midday meal.

    Oh, and I have a new friend. For the first time in a while, I brought a second carry-on bag with me, so my new R2 unit could comfortably fly with me. I’ll post pictures to Facebook when I am home.

    I expect I’ll have gained a couple of pounds this week, but it should not be disastrous. I am crossing my fingers though… if I stayed under 315lbs I’ll be happy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 262

    I did not sleep as long as I would have liked, but I did sleep very soundly. I really liked the bed I suppose. In a couple of hours I am heading to Anaheim to see my wife and her son at Disneyland, which will be a lot of fun. I just hope that I do not fall off the weight management program too badly. Tomorrow I am heading back to Dallas, which will be a relief for the simplicity of following the program. Even with the travel day, I am not nearly as worried about the airport and airplanes as I am of Disneyland.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 261

    I do not usually write at the end of the day, but it has been a very busy and packed day. Last night I did not get to bed until 2:15am, after a long and great day. I did start the shake with a meal replacement shake and a cup of coffee, and then I headed out.

    I started at my rabbi’s house, where his wife made me a plate of food (rabbi, wife, you get it, right?) that was tasty and healthy. It consisted mostly of eggs and avocado, and it was delicious. While it was my intention to be there for an hour or so, we ended up chatting until 1:30pm, at which point I drove to Beverly Hills.

    The Grand Havana Room is an exclusive private club that has many members whose names you will know. I sat down with two very good friends, and before long there were nine of us around the table, many of whom I knew from previous visits to the club, plus a couple of new guys who were equally great to chat with. I ordered a scotch (which I later realized was a $40 dram), and later a café latté. When those friends left, I joined another friend’s table (which was planned weeks ago), and we sat around discussing and solving the ills of the world, all the while enjoying fine cigars, plus another cup of coffee.

    It was 8:30pm by the time I walked out, and I realized I had not eaten since 10:00am. I was meeting other friends in Glendale, and I had the choice of an amazing khachapuri (an Armenian and Georgian delicacy that is essentially a personal pizza with lots of bread and cheese, plus an egg in the middle) … or I could go to Zankou, an Armenian rotisserie chicken restaurant that was always a favourite of mine. While I can get chicken anywhere, and khachapuri is hard to find in the parts of the world I usually frequent, I also knew that the chicken was a much more weight management friendly option (although still not perfect). I opted for the chicken.

    After dinner I went to the cigar lounge where I used to hang out when I lived in Glendale, where a bunch of guys (all of whom I know pretty well) were playing poker. The plan was for me to wait there and smoke, waiting for my buddy (with whom I was staying) to finish playing. They wrapped at 12:15pm, and he and I headed back to his place. I knew I had an early morning, so I decided to pack my suitcase before going to sleep. All I had to do in the morning was wake up, shower, get dressed, put my sundries into the suitcase, and head out.

    I indeed started early, arriving at the breakfast restaurant by 8:15am. I had an incredible avocado toast with an egg, plus a couple cups of coffee. I saw a friend for a bit, and then headed back to the rabbi’s house. Today is the day when the community is invited to finish building and decorating the succah (for the upcoming holiday Succoth). I knew they were expecting people to start coming in the afternoon, but I was meeting two friends – one for lunch at 11:45am, and then one for a cigar at 1:15pm), and I wanted to sit with him to talk one last time before I leave. Also, while I love his wife, I am glad she was not home, lest she feed me again!

    While I did meet Orrin and his son for lunch, I did not eat, having finished my breakfast only a couple of hours earlier. We sat outside and I smoked a cigar while they ate (it is a cigar-friendly terrace). While I wanted to keep the chat going, I had to then drive to Woodland Hills, where I was meeting Bob.

    The owner of the cigar lounge (do you see a pattern to this trip?) recognized me, and asked why I never showed up. You see, right before I left for Canada, I met him at the lounge where I was a member, and I promised to come by and see his new lounge. I had been there, but not since before he took it over. I promised I would, right after I got back from my ten-day trip. That ten-day trip turned into I never ended up coming back to California, and so he thought I left him hanging for sixteen months. We sat and discussed many things about the cigar industry. Yes, Bob came by for a while and we caught up, but what was supposed to be a 90-minute stay at the lounge ended up taking up my day… and evening.

    As we were halfway through our third cigar, the owner invited me to join him and several of his members at one of their houses for a barbecue. I went, and it was a great evening. They barbecued carne asada (essentially steaks), and because most of them are Jewish, they invited me to say the prayers over the wine and challah. We sat for a couple of hours, then Johnny and I had to head out. He drove me back to the lounge (where I had my car), and we parted ways. I drove to my hotel, and am happy to be in my room. It was a long and wonderful day.

    I had two meals today, both of which had more bread than I would normally eat, but were mostly good nonetheless. Aside from the challah, dinner was mostly protein and salad. I do not expect that I will pay too dearly for it.

    Tomorrow, I am driving to Disneyland, where I will spend the day with my wife and her son. While I have very little interest in theme parks, it will be a great day… and at the end of the day, we are building a droid, which will be fun. Mostly I am looking forward to hugging my wife, which I have not been able to do since she drove me to the airport on Monday. I will try to eat well during the day, but I am scared of what options there will be at the Disneyland park. I am crossing my fingers.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 260

    The fast went well (after the salt incident Tuesday evening was resolved), and I broke the fast with friends. There are two issues here: 1) Breaking the fast is often a salty meal, as this was; and 2) It is not reasonable to expect someone to make good food choices after 25 hours of fasting. All this to say that I did not lose the water-retention weight, but that will come after a few days. I am just happy to have spent a wonderful couple of days with my congregation and with friends.

    Today I will be at my favourite private cigar lounge in Beverly Hills for the afternoon and evening. I will be able to make good choices there.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 259

    Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. We fast from sundown yesterday to sundown today, which means there will be neither meals nor meal replacements until dinner. It is a day when we ask G-d for forgiveness. I have a lot to ask, and will be in synagogue all day. Actually, I will be at the Canyon Club, which is a hall my synagogue rents for the High Holidays every year… but it’s the same thing.

    I did eat out yesterday… breakfast (a piece of avocado toast with tomato and a poached egg), and lunch (a half turkey sandwich from Von’s). Neither was over the top, although it would have been smarter to eat less bread.

    For dinner, my friend Kareene offered to cook for me, which was very nice of her. It gave me the chance to see her children (and her dogs). She prepared seasoned chicken brochettes with rice and grilled vegetables. On the surface, that sounds like a healthy meal that is completely friendly to my program. It should, by all accounts, have been a good meal to start my fast with.

    It may sound good, but in fact it was disastrous for both my fast and for my diet… although only temporarily. Here’s how:

    1. The brochettes were store-bought, and while they were very tasty, they were so salty that within 30 minutes my mouth and throat were crying out for water.

    2. The salt content caused me to retain water, and the numbers on the bathroom scale were extremely unfriendly this morning.

    I assume they over the next couple of days, the numbers on the scale will stabilize back to where they were yesterday. However, by the time I got home to my buddy’s house, I needed water. There was no way I could have made it through the night without.

    There are Jews who do not fast on Yom Kippur. There are some who will drink water only, or coffee, or whatever. I try to eat and drink nothing at all. This year I failed in that. I own it. With that said, I woke up this morning and did not have coffee, and I did not take a drink of water. I did brush my teeth and took my pills, but until we break the fast this evening, there will be nothing else. I hope that it is not too hard.

    It is great to see all of my friends down here. I don’t miss everything about California… but I do miss them.

    Have a great day, and an easy fast, and the best for a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year.