Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 135

    This morning I stepped out of the shower, I shaved, and then I went to the bathroom scale. Knowing that yesterday morning I had lost over a pound and a half, I was not expecting anything of significance today. I was not only pleasantly surprised, but also thrilled to be at a new low on this diet! With the 1.2 lbs drop from yesterday, I finally dropped below the lowest weight that I had achieved a week ago. With any luck, this downward trend can continue for the next couple of weeks (until I fly to Dallas to see my baby).

    I confess that I did cheat yesterday. I ate 100g of peanuts from Bulk Barn. I did not do so out of weakness, rather out of necessity. I left the house without a meal replacement and did not think I would make it through an entire round of golf without something. Yes, that is a ridiculous 564 calories… with 7g of saturated fat. It is also 25g of protein and 7g of dietary fibre. It gave me the energy to get through the round of golf.

    Speaking of golf… even though I did not play very well, I can say that the peanuts helped because I improved over the last six holes. On Monday, when I had not eaten anything past my morning shake, I was really dragging the last few holes, and just wanted it to be over so I could go home to eat. I played a course called King’s Forest, which is a very challenging course. Also, because of who I was playing with, I played from the white tees, which is something I have not done in a couple of years. Still and all, I shot a 103… a terrible score for me. Mike and I were talking about it, and it is true… golf is a game that if you do not play often, you cannot play well. This was my second game after a ten-month hiatus, and I cannot possibly expect to be shooting in the 80s like I was a year ago… when I played five rounds most weeks.

    My new dual-zone air fryer arrived yesterday, and I made dinner in it. On the left side I prepared my regular chicken. Once that was cooking (for 25 minutes), I prepared (for the first time in the air fryer) roasted vegetables. I chopped up some cauliflower, carrots, and onions. I drizzled them with sesame oil, and then sprinkled a vegetable seasoning on them. I mixed them up, and then popped them into the right side of the air fryer. It was convenient to have both sides available to me, and while the individual baskets are smaller than I am used to working with, they were both more than sufficient for what I was preparing. I expect I will be very happy with this new appliance… much more than I was with the other air fryer, which I did drop off yesterday as I planned.

    I have to do some shopping today. I have no lettuce in the house, no balsamic vinegar, and I am almost out of olive oil. I have extended an invitation to my son the elder, and if he accepts then I will go to Costco. If not, then I will just go to Fortinos. I also have to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy, which is in the same building as my doctor’s office. Okay, the idea to try that pharmacy rather than the one near me was convenient at the time (because I was in the building already) … but for renewing prescriptions I have to go a bit out of my way to pick them up. To be fair, it is probably still easier than the place near me, because for them I would have had to drive there, drop off the prescription, and then either wait around for 45 minutes or come back later to pick it up. On second thought, I guess I don’t mind driving to Oakville today.

    Good news! My son the elder just responded that he eagerly wants to go to Costco with me. I am thrilled that I will be able to spend a couple of hours with him. We haven’t spoken since last week when he told me some very important information, and I am relieved that I can spend some stress-free time with him… or at least as stress-free as any trip to Costco can ever be.

    It’s a beautiful day outside, and while there is a 50% chance of rain between 2-3pm, the rest of the day is either sunny or partly cloudy. I’ll take it!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 134

    This should be easy math: Yesterday I did not (really) cheat, and therefore my weight this morning was down. While it is certainly the case today, it frustrates me that it does not always work this way. Yes, my measurement on the bathroom scale was a good one (not quite my lowest weigh-in, but close). I am not unhappy with my progress. I simply wish that every day that I do not cheat, my weight would be down. Such is not the case. Oh well.

    On April 9 I was thrilled to drop below 350 lbs. It is nearly two months on, and I have not dropped below 344 lbs. I am sick of that, and hope that last week’s revelation about peanuts will allow that to change… and no, this past weekend’s terrible cheating did not help one bit, but if I can stay the course for the next few days then hopefully I will drop below 340 lbs. I know that in two weeks I am flying to Dallas, and after that will be my birthday, and after that a quick jaunt to Long Island to celebrate a friend’s wedding. I know that I will likely be back to the 340s for most of those… I just want to get below them to prove to myself that doing things the right way will show results.

    It might seem strange to many that I speak in pounds, and yet my official weigh-ins are in kilograms. Of course, if you are following along on my blog then you will not see that… I do not post my weights there. Yes, I grew up in a household where we were taught pounds and ounces; the 2.5 years I spent in California did not hurt that. Fortunately, my physician’s office is Canadian, and they work in the metric system. While I cannot convert pounds to kilos as seamlessly as I can do miles to kilometres, I do understand both systems. I should eschew the antiquated and senseless imperial system in favour of the completely logical metric. Old habits do die hard though, so I still do both.

    Leslie finally received the right birthday gift yesterday, and I decided to pull the trigger and buy myself the same Ninja dual-zone air fryer that I bought for her. Before I did, I made sure that I was able to return the essentially no-name one that I had bought previously. I still had a few days left to return it, so all is good. I am glad that I saved the box for it… I will pack it up and drop it off at UPS on my way to the golf course later this morning. Amazon asks you to select the reason you are returning something. This, dear reader, is an IQ test. If you answer, “I do not want it anymore,” or something similar, the return shipping cost was $65. If you go back and change your answer to, “It did not perform the way I had hoped,” then the return shipping is free. What can you do, right? The new machine will cost a lot more than the old one… but I really did not like the old one.

    As I alluded to briefly in the last paragraph, I am golfing again today. I must be a sucker for punishment, right? Hopefully today’s round will be slightly better than my last one, which was abysmal. If I had any brains on the subject, I would sign up for golf lessons… or at least spend some time on the driving range before heading out on the course again. At least the weather forecast for the day is not nearly as extreme as it was Monday, with a predicted high temperature of 21°c. I will not be as hot as I was… although heat had never bothered me.

    I was paid for two separate and unrelated payments for work done yesterday, which was a bit of a relief. It is not that I am running out of money, it is simply that I do not like having to chase the companies that I contract to. There are still a couple of outstanding payments owed, but the oldest of those is less than 60 days old, and so I am not entirely concerned. That is also owed to me by a company that a) loves me and wants me to continue to work for them; and b) paid another invoice yesterday. Again, not worried. It is just nice to see money going into my bank account… especially knowing that my actual day job has been stagnant for the past two months. I exchanged emails with them about that yesterday, and there is progress on the horizon… I just wish it was quicker!

    Two weeks from today I am flying down to Dallas to see my baby, and I could not be more excited. Monday afternoon I took delivery of my new threads that I ordered in March. Unfortunately, they all still fit perfectly. Yes, that sounds weird… but I do wish that by now I would have lost enough weight that they would already be loose. No such luck. I am hoping that by the time we get married in November, I will fit into my older suits and shirts. Here’s hoping and praying!

    Have a great day folks… I’ve got a couple of errands to run before hitting the golf course, but that’s what I have planned for the day. Whatever you have going on, try to enjoy it!

  • Day 133

    Yes, I cheated yesterday. In the evening I had a bag of popcorn and an extra meal replacement bar. I do not know why I was so hungry, but I was. I will do better today. The result is a very slight gain from yesterday. Today I will do better.

    I realized last night that I was out of balsamic vinegar so I will have to stop in at the supermarket. I also have an appointment to have a 3D image of my mouth taken as the preliminary step to getting a dental implant. Not an issue for now, but when it does come time to get the implant, I will have to be off cigars for something like three months. I am not looking forward to that. If I am still in Canada, then I will have the implant done in December, so that I will miss the worst of the winter months. What will happen if I am in Dallas by then? Well, I will have to figure that out. Time will tell.

    While I have no other plans for today, I have a golf game scheduled for tomorrow at a reasonable hour, and another for Saturday at a completely unreasonable hour. Really, Ryan… who thought that 7:21am was a good time to tee off, knowing that a) I have to take HRF out for her walk, and b) the course is an hour’s drive from my place? Gee, thanks!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 132

    As predicted, I was not going to win any prizes on the golf course yesterday. I hit a few good shots, I hit a lot of bad shots. It was a beautiful day to be outside, and I am happy I did it. What I should do is go to a driving range somewhere today. We will see about that. I have a game with a friend on Thursday, and wouldn’t it be nice to not suck up the course? We’ll see. I do have to do some shopping this morning. Maybe after I am done, I will go to the range.

    I did not cheat at all yesterday… although my schedule was off. My morning shake was normal, but then I did not have anything else to eat until after golf. I came home and almost immediately took the Princess for a walk, but not before I put the chicken into the air fryer. When we came home, I steamed the vegetables, and everything came out great. A couple of hours later I was still hungry, so I had a meal replacement bar… I am going to have to order more this week. At around 7:30pm I made a salad with a can of tuna, and around 9:30pm I had another shake. I ate within my program, only the times were off. Yes, I know I should not be eating at 9:30pm. I was 1.4 lbs down on the scale this morning, which is a huge yay!

    A trip to the supermarket is urgent because I am out of all of the provisions that I would need for a normal day on my diet program. I will buy vegetables, chicken (and probably a couple of pieces of fish), as well as some of the seasoning that I bought last time. Oh, and I think there is a vegetable seasoning that I might like for my steamed vegetables. I have enough milk for coffee, and I still have at least a half dozen cans of tuna. Chicken, fish, and vegetables, and some seasoning is all I will need. Oh, and I will look in the treats section to see if there is anything fun to bring to Dallas!

    Today is HRF Princess’ birthday! So yes, I will be spoiling her rotten. I might forego PetSmart and head to a gourmet doggie bakery to pick up some treats for her. While PetSmart is great, they can always be relied upon to have the same old stuff. I think if I head to Bark & Fitz there will be plenty of new options, which she will love. Yes, I plan to spoil my girl today… I will be mixing some chicken in with her evening meal for sure! I thought of just giving her chicken, but knowing her, she would expect that forever, and would never taste kibble again. No, I cannot do that.

    The high temperatures today is predicted at 31°c, which is about 88°F. It will be a good day to relax. I might call Lyle and see if he wants to smoke on his patio, which has a nice breeze. We’ll see.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 131

    Yes, I had popcorn at the movie theatre yesterday, with a large Coke Zero. Yes, I know that I should avoid treats like movie theatre popcorn at all costs. Yes, I know that aside from the 600 calories, it contains 31g of fats and 67g of carbohydrates. I made the conscious decision, knowing all of that, and knowing that it also has 10g of protein, and I used it as a meal replacement. I did not add butter, only some of the salt and vinegar flavouring that they give you… which probably added a million grams of sodium to my cheat, but very little else.

    Despite the popcorn, the bathroom scale was still better than yesterday. I did not lose tremendously, but I lost .4lb, which is better than staying where I was… or gaining.

    I have a tee time booked for this morning! As soon as I finish this entry, I am heading to the Tyendaga Golf Course to play my first round of golf in ten months. I am really excited… although I do not expect to do very well. I do not want my first round with Mike to be the first time I swing a club in a year. Wish me luck!

    I should also mention that Environment Canada has issued its first heat warning of the year. We are looking at a high of 29°c… which to put into perspective for my American friends is just under 85°f. Yes, Canada can be pretty wimpy when it comes to weather. I know I will be sweating out there, but I don’t mind. All I want is to enjoy myself… and to not embarrass myself too badly on the course.

    When I come home, I will prepare chicken for dinner, with a side of steamed vegetables. It should be a lovely meal… and yes, a perfectly predictable one, as I eat that nearly every day!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 130

    I was terrible yesterday, and the numbers on the scale reflected it. Normally, when I go to Ryan’s house for cigars, I can withstand the temptations. For some reason, yesterday was an exception. I had nuts; I stayed for dinner (hamburger patties, not terrible); I had cookies for dessert (terrible). I even had one (yes, only one) gummy worm… which in contrast to the cookies, which do have some nutritional benefit, has absolutely none. As I walked into the apartment last night, I felt the shame and disappointment that I failed… but would do better tomorrow. I will.

    There are reasons I will not go into why I was down. I was not depressed nor disappointed by news that I received Friday, but I would lie if I said I was not distracted by it. It was the distractions that caused me to veer.

    As a former soldier and hopefully a good friend to some, I know the importance of keeping confidences. There are things that people have shared with me that I will not share with others. Just as I do not like having my confidences betrayed, I try to not betray that of others. Where this complicates issues is that there are times when someone shares something with me that I could really benefit from the advice and input of others… but I am not really allowed to seek it. On the other hand, there are people who I would trust with my life, so if I discuss someone’s confidence with Leslie, for example, I know that the secret is safe… but it does not make me feel less guilty for sharing.

    Speaking of Leslie, she went to the beauty salon yesterday, and OH MY G-D does she look gorgeous! Combine her hair do with the makeup she did when she got home… yes, she is MINE, and I will never forget how lucky I am to be able to say that. She shared with me an interesting quotation yesterday. It was something like this: “When you get the woman that everyone wants, never forget that she is still the woman that everyone wants.” I have to remember to treat her like a queen every day… to treat her like I know how wonderful she is… because I do.

    My plans for today include trying to do better on my diet, but they might also involve going to see a movie. My fiancée does not like Tom Cruise, so I am free to see the new Top Gun movie on my own… I might just catch the early showing. After that? I will likely sit on the balcony with a cigar or three.

    Oh, and how happy am I? I have my first golf game of the year booked for Thursday! A cigar buddy and I have an 11:40am tee time, and I am thrilled. So that I do not go out there and look stupid, I might just go to a driving range either today or tomorrow… and who knows? Once my golf clubs are in the trunk, I might just book another round or two

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 129

    It is no surprise that the bathroom scale was up this morning. Yes, I had a glass of rum with my son… but it was more because it just did not make sense that I had lost five pounds in five days. Yes, I am down this week… but just over three pounds, which makes a lot more sense.

    I should also mention that my dinner, while very healthy, was extremely high in calories. I made a salmon steak with a side of steamed vegetables. The vegetables were fine, but it looks like the salmon might have had as much as 1,400 calories in it. I have to make a point to not do that one too often.

    Other than that, I was pretty good. I should not have had the rum but knowing that my son the elder wanted to talk to me about something, I felt it would put his mind at ease if I drank with him.

    Plans for today: Stay on the path. I’ll head over to Ryan’s for a cigar or three, and will avoid all of the temptations they put on the table (there are always nuts and chips and popcorn and such around).

    Have a great day!

  • Day 128

    I hate bathroom scales. I think I am going to move into my doctor’s office so that I can get an accurate read every morning. I got onto the scale, and it was flip-flopping between two numbers that look very similar to yesterday’s number. I stepped off, nudged it closer to the wall, and when I got back on, it read that I am 2.4 lbs down from yesterday. I got back on twice more to confirm, and that’s where it stands. Unstable floors suck.

    So yes, I still hate the floor in my apartment. That is the biggest reason my bathroom (sic) scale is unreliable. I hope that in the bedroom it is more accurate, and some days it is… and then there are days like today, when I get this crap. My cleaning lady was here Wednesday and quipped to me that the landlord is going to have to replace the floors when I move out. Funny you should mention it Kerry, but I just told the landlady the other day that very same thing. I also said that if they (the owners) try to deduct it from my security deposit, I would ask her to testify to my lifestyle, which is mostly clean and orderly, and certainly not destructive. She can also testify that HRF Princess Sophie has not once ever had an accident in the apartment. I do not think it would ever come to that though… I informed the owners in the first month or two of my lease that the floors were literally coming apart in places, and when they were showing me the apartment before I moved in, even they pointed out some places in the floor that were weak and uneven.

    Yesterday was my first peanut-free day. That is not to say that I did not cheat. Thanks Gilly. No, I am not blaming my son the younger for my cheating… it only sounds that way. He wanted to go to Lone Star Grill for dinner, and so we did. He ordered a plate of Buffalo wings and an order of chips with queso… which from what I can tell is a sort of Velveeta dip that while similar to cheese is actually mostly a liquid. I stole as many as a dozen chips from him throughout the course of the meal, which for me was a chicken Caesar salad, which I had to send back once because even if it was just for show (which it is not), I cannot in good conscience sit in a restaurant wearing a kippa (yarmulke, Jewish head covering that resembles and is sometimes referred to as a beanie) while eating a salad with bacon bits. Yes, it was a pretty decent salad… and what with me asking them to go light on the dressing and without the bacon, it was much less even than the 560 calories listed on their menu.

    The menu also listed a Buffalo cauliflower option, but that was 720 calories, and the reviews online were not great. With that said, I am thinking of trying to make it in the next few days… We’ll see.

    This morning I promised Leslie I would look at something for her (really for us), and then I will make a reasonable lunch. Eduardo might come over later in the day for a cigar, and it would be great to see him. However other than that I have no real plans of straying far from home today… and certainly not to Bulk Barn!

    Oh, also I am hoping that my diet buddy reschedules our meeting for later today. I was with my son when we were supposed to meet, so I missed our regular time slot.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 127

    My Bulk Barn experiment failed, but only marginally… and only because my ability to convert grams to ounces is weak. I should also mention that while the experiment did not go as planned, I did nonetheless learn a great deal from it which will help with my weight loss going forward.

    I went in and measured out a much smaller portion than I usually do. I weighed it, and it came to precisely 100g. That looked to be about a reasonable portion, right? For the fun of it, I then measured out a portion the size that I usually would have taken and weighed it. That weighed nearly 350g. Alright, the first bag it is (of course). Little did I realize that the 100g of peanuts contains 643 calories, and the portion that I had thought was a reasonable serving size was actually 3.5oz. For the fun of it, yes… I now realized that the serving I was buying previously was actually over 2,000 calories… more than I want to be consuming in a day, let alone in a sitting. It is time to seriously rethink my snacking… which is to say I am done with peanuts for a while.

    To put things into perspective… if I was going to knowingly add 2,000 calories to my daily food intake, here are some of the things I could have gone in for:

    • Sixteen Double-Dusted Chicken Wings at Montana’s… if we add the Starter Caesar salad, that takes us to 1,890 calories. If we add ranch dressing to the wings, that should tip the scale.
    • A whole medium hand-tossed pizza with extra cheese from Domino’s would be 1,840 calories… but I could add a salad to that to get over 2,000 calories.
    • A 16-ounce rib steak is only 1,480 calories, so if I were to add a medium baked potato for nearly 200 calories, I would still have room left over for dessert.
    • At P.F. Chang’s (not my favourite, but easy to get honest nutritional information for) I could have a cup of Hot & Sour soup, two vegetable spring rolls, an order of Sesame Chicken, a side order of fried rice, and four fortune cookies for 1,990 calories.

    Are you getting my point? This is likely a major reason why my weight loss has been more or less stagnant over the last couple of months. The peanuts are out.

    What I will be doing though is ordering more meal replacement bars for when I get to Leslie’s place in Dallas. I have been nursing the last two boxes that I have but decided over the last couple of nights to have one instead of the regular meal replacement shake… they have fewer calories, so when I am eating later in the evening it just makes sense. They still satisfy my cravings and sate my hunger, while doing so with significantly fewer calories. I see no reason why I cannot start replacing the peanuts in the middle of the day with the meal replacement bars.

    It is this sort of thinking that I will have to use going forward. I do not mean just now, rather for the rest of my life. If I want to lose weight and keep it off, I need to start thinking like this always. As I have said every time I have started this program, while it is important to stick to the program to lose the weight, what is most important is that I change my relationship with food.

    Sometimes it takes an outside voice to show you that you are going astray. That voice can be berating or demeaning, but that just makes you feel lousy. When the voice is encouraging and trying to help, it can make you think about what you have been doing and make you evaluate your choices… and how to go forward. I am so grateful to my loving fiancée for pointing out that I was eating a lot of peanuts.

    This morning the bathroom scale had me up from yesterday, but only by a little. Having lost over two pounds yesterday morning, it is not surprising that I gave back a little less than half a pound, despite a tremendous bowel movement. Yes, that is gross… but it is something that people trying to lose weight have to be cognizant of.

    Today I am planning another relaxing day. My allergies are kicking my butt this morning, so I took my pills and sprayed my spray, and they are much less debilitating than they were an hour ago. I am hoping that by noon I will not feel them at all. I suspect it helped not at all that HRF Princess Sophie decided to go traipsing through a field of dandelions this morning on our walk. At least we got some steps in. I have invited Eduardo to come for a cigar, but he is not sure if he can because he is waiting for a repairman. If he does, great; if he does not, he will come tomorrow. Either way, it will be good to see my friend.

    This evening, I will spend a few hours with my son the younger. He will want to get dinner, and I hope he picks somewhere that I can make reasonable choices, rather than somewhere that I cannot eat, and just sit watching him enjoy his (whatever he orders). Either way, I love spending time with him… and I will do my best to stick to the program.

    I just realized that dinner with my son will interfere with my diet program support meeting. I will ask my diet buddy if she can reschedule.

    After that, depending on what time he wants to go home, I have been invited to a cigar event at Alec Bradley’s, so if I have time I will show up. If not, then my son is and always will be more important.

    My son the elder said that he will come over tomorrow evening for a dram. I originally invited him to come celebrate finishing his exams, but it seems he has one last exam in a couple of weeks. He suggested he come over to celebrate my engagement. I’ll take it!

    The weather is a cloudy but warm, with a forecast high of 23°C. While it felt like we were going to get rain when we were out, precipitation is not in the forecast for today. Welcome to Canada… we’ll see!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 126

    The biggest inconvenience to having relocated my bathroom scale into the bedroom is that I very often forget to weigh myself. I get out of the shower, shave, and then head into the bedroom. In a perfect world, I would hop onto the scale immediately. In the real (and more perfect) world, I am immediately distracted by a gorgeous doggie who has been waiting patiently for me to finish in the bathroom so that we can go out for our morning walk. Some days I remember, and others I do not.

    Today fell into the latter category, and it was not until we were nearly home from the park that I remembered. We got home and I gave her a treat. I then put on the coffee before heading into the bedroom, disrobing, and stepping onto the scale.

    I do not know what difference an hour might make, or if the walk makes a difference. I do know that I was extremely pleased by the numbers on the scale this morning after the walk. I was down 2.6 lbs, and in line with my numbers the first morning back from Cuba, when I was shocked that I had actually lost weight. From there, over the next few days I would gain 3.4 lbs. I am now down to where I was eight days ago. Good. Now it’s time to get back on track!

    Leslie made a good point yesterday. I want to be clear that she is my most wonderful advocate and has not chastised me during my journey. She encourages me every day. She asked me yesterday why I continue to stop at Bulk Barn for peanuts, if I know that they are my kryptonite. I have given this a lot of thought. Firstly, peanuts are not my kryptonite. They are something that I really enjoy, that in moderation are not the worst indulgence in the world for my diet. My Achilles heel is that I do not seem to have the ability to leave any behind. If I buy ten peanuts, I eat ten peanuts that day. If I buy a thousand peanuts, I eat the thousand peanuts the same day. Buying for a few days is obviously not a good idea for me. Today I am going to go to Bulk Barn, and I am going to measure out my peanuts. I will not spend more than one dollar on nuts (taxes included). I do not know what the cost is per peanut (I know, they charge by weight. Go with it.) but I will verify that, and rather than filling a scoop to put into the bag, I will get a reasonable number. According to my research, one ounce of peanuts contains 160 calories. It also contains seven grams of protein, six grams of carbohydrates, and thirteen grams of fat. That is not a bad snack. I will bet you that when I measure that out at the store today, I will be unpleasantly shocked by how many servings I have been eating when I buy a scoop. I will report back.

    (For the record, I’m not sure what my actual kryptonite is, nor if it is only one single food. With that said, a plate of Buffalo wings would certainly be high up on that list!)

    My friend the cleaning lady is coming this afternoon, which means that the apartment will be in order again. It also means that, weather permitting, I will stay out of her way by sitting on the balcony with a cigar or two. What can I say? I am pretty predictable in a lot of ways.

    Have a great day folks!