Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 125

    I went to the doctor’s office this morning without first checking what I weighed three weeks ago, and so it took nearly an hour for me to get home (after running some errands) and to determine that I actually gained an entire kilogram since my last weigh-in. The usual nurse (Mel) was not there either, it was the small Indian girl whose name I do not know, and who does not seem to have much personality beyond doing her job, which she does quite capably from what I have seen. It would have been nice though to have some perspective… Mel would have gone back and said ‘Oh, so you have gained a kilogram from the last weigh-in. That’s probably because of your vacation, but is there anything else going on? Also, did she say yes??’

    Yes Leslie, the doctor and nurse were in on it too.

    I should be happy that after a week on an all-inclusive resort I was not up more than a kilogram, but I also know that it has been a lot of factors here that affected it, not the least of which was the large breakfast with my kids on Sunday, and the late-night meal replacements. Also, I am eating far too many peanuts. I have to cut down on them.

    I miss Leslie and I wish she could be here… or that I could be there. I think we are both done with this long-distance thing and want to be living together already. I did not claim that patience was one of our virtues… although I do try.

    It is a lovely day outside, and I do not have a lot to do today. I should do some studying form an exam I want to take in the next month, but I can do that on the rainy days. Today I am going to relax.

    I should mention that this morning I did not have a meal replacement shake, as I was going to the doctor. On my way home, after stopping in at Pet Smart to pick up treats for the princess, I also stopped at Bulk Barn and bought peanuts. While I bought a larger bag than I needed to, I have not finished them. I snacked on the way home, and I made that my breakfast, rather than eating those and then having a meal replacement when I got in. I will prepare a nice chicken lunch, and will go about the rest of my day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 124

    I cheated yesterday, and I paid for it on the scale this morning. Yesterday morning, after a breakfast shake, I went to see my ex-wife and my kids. She had some things to tell me about Gilad’s development issues and tests, and I had to tell her that I was getting married again. Not to be outdone, she mentioned that her boyfriend will likely be moving into their house to live with them at some point soon, and the only reason they are not getting married is because he would then have to start filing tax returns in the US.

    Needless to say, when they then put food down in front of me, I ate. I do not think I overate terribly. I ate two slices of sourdough bread (with chocolate chips – a collaborative creation of my son the elder and his mother) with margarine, and a bowl of oatmeal with nuts, and some freshly sliced fruit. Oh, and they also made eggs… and had I known at the outset that there would be scrambled eggs, I might have stuck to that… except for the information exchanged between my ex-wife and myself, which caused no small amount of stress.

    I should mention as well that while my son the elder knew about my engagement, and has in fact met my fiancée, my son the younger did not, and I had to tell him as well. Fortunately, everyone seemed to take the news well, and it is possible that the stress and anxiety with which I spent the last week might have been for naught.

    Tomorrow morning, I am going to the doctor’s office to get weighed and will then take Gilad for breakfast. He and I like to spend time alone once every couple of weeks, so even though I did see him yesterday, I will see him tomorrow as well… unless Theresa tells me that Thursday or Friday would work better. We shall see.

    Yes, I am writing later than usual today. I had a class to teach, and now that it is behind me, I have some leisure time to write. Have a great evening everyone!

  • Day 123

    Mornings like this are why dieting is so frustrating. Aside from my peanuts (which were not excessive), the only straying I did from the program yesterday was that I made my final meal replacement shake very late at night. Normally, I would like to be done with it by 9:00pm; last night I came in from smoking cigars at 11:30pm. I should have skipped it, but I did not. The results? A full 2.4 lbs increase on the scale this morning.

    My plans for today: While I do have a lot of preparation to do for tomorrow’s class that I am teaching, I first have to go visit my son the younger. That sounds wrong. I love visiting with him and would be thrilled to be taking him for breakfast. That is not what will be happening. His mother (my ex-wife) told me that she has information about an assessment for him, which we need to discuss. She suggested I just come over, and we have breakfast there. Really, the timing could not have worked out better, as I have spent much of this week trying to figure out how to tell her that I am getting remarried. This will be that opportunity.

    Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous and glorious day… if you can discount the one hour when the winds picked up to 100 km/h and the heavens opened up as if expecting me to build an ark. The morning was hot and sunny, the afternoon was hot and sunny… and from about 12:30pm to 1:30pm, Hurricane WTF came through Burlington. I had gone to visit with Lyle, and Ryan, Josh, and Dean were there too. We were sitting out on the patio (basking in the sun) when Ryan said they should hit the road because of the weather. I figured I would do the same – I stopped off to do a couple of errands, and I parked the car in front of my building in time for the rains to start… and my hat and yarmulke both flew off immediately; lucky for me they were caught in the tree in front of the house, else they both would have been long gone. I got into the building with just a few drops of wet… I turned around and saw that I escaped the deluge by three seconds. It was raining sideways.

    Needless to say, I made no further plans to venture out of the apartment yesterday.

    HRF had gone for her walk but was begging to go out again. I smiled inwardly… I showed her what the weather was like outside, and she immediately decided that she did not want to go out, but that a treat was in order. She got one, and we stayed inside and dry until the weather front passed.

    I was shocked when, at 4:00pm or so, I looked outside. Not only was it sunny, but there was no wind. It stayed like that until 9:00pm, and shortly thereafter it started raining again… sans wind.

    Knowing that I am going to the doctor’s office for my official weigh-in this week, I am hoping that my weight loss hiccough of this morning was just that… nothing more than a reminder that A) I should never eat late at night, and that B) Weight loss is neither linear nor predictable… at least, not the points on a graph. Over time, the trend should be predictable, based on honest weight management techniques. It is not abnormal to starve yourself on a particular day, only to discover that you gained a pound the following morning.

    My friend Rabbi Barclay is a very difficult man to reach, except in case of emergency, at which point he is always there immediately. While I had very important need to speak with him these last few weeks, it was not an emergency. We finally connected last night, and had a great conversation about the wedding, including the requirements and possibilities. Yes, Leslie (who lives in Texas) and I (currently living outside Toronto) are going to fly to Westlake Village, California to get married. This is partly because I want him to perform the ceremony, but also because I have a lot of people in that part of the world. I have a few people here, and Leslie has a couple of people there… in SoCal we will have a lot of people who will be thrilled to be able to witness the nuptials. Of course, I might have to fly a couple of people into town… but we’ll see. All in all, I am thrilled that my good friend will marry me to the love of my life. Stay tuned for details… there will be no invitations, but you are welcome to join us in our celebration!

    Have a great day folks! I’m off to see my sons… and my ex-wife.

  • Day 122

    Another day, another 1.6 lbs down. I definitely have no complaints about the bathroom scale this morning! I still have a couple of pounds left to get back to my lowest weight from May 5, but I am making good progress. I am still relieved that the week of vacation did not set me back much further than it did… which is to say, it kept me where I was!

    Yesterday was a stressful day. Those will happen, and I accept them. I did, at one point, decide to completely fall off the program. I was quite that upset with things. It was only Leslie who talked me down from that ledge. I was nearly out the door ready to go pick up Chinese food… and not the healthy stuff. Yes, I have bad days. In the end, I did veer from the program: I had peanuts (which I seem to be doing every day), and I had a second meal of chicken for dinner, rather than the tuna salad I was going to have. While I will not make a habit of it, I guess doing it the once did me no harm, with the numbers on the scale agreeing with me.

    I will say that I had a tremendously satisfying bowel movement this morning. While that is not something I generally discuss, there are days when you finish on the toilet and say ‘Wow, I must have lost weight there!’ It was a healthy BM, just a large one.

    The plan for today is to stick to the plan, and yes, I will have my peanuts. I am off to Lyle’s to enjoy a cigar with him and Ryan – it is a fabulous day out, and I cannot imagine not being outside enjoying it. Princess Sophie and I went for our walk earlier, and I’ll head out to Hamilton now.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 121

    I really have to start reining in my peanuts buying. I did not go terribly overboard yesterday, but I did buy more than I should have… unless I was going to spread them across a couple of days, which I did not.

    Other than the peanuts I stuck to the plan, and I am happy to be nearly one pound down from yesterday’s weight. My plan for today is to stay the course… make my chicken for lunch (with some steamed vegetables), and a tuna salad for dinner… which will be bracketed by the morning and evening meal replacement shakes.

    A friend might be coming over for a cigar during the day, but he has been historically unreliable, so I am not holding my breath. I also have to prepare for my Monday class, which is a Fundamentals (beginners) class, but that does not mean that I do not want to be prepared for it. I also want to look into the fiancé visa for the US. Leslie has been doing a lot of the work so far (as she is sponsoring me, she has to fill out most of the paperwork), but I still want to review it and see if there are any questions that I can think of that we should ask our legal counsel. We want to do things right, and I feel bad that right now she is doing all of the work. Yes, I know that is because she has to initiate it. I just wish there was something that I could do. As I used to live in Los Angeles, I am a member of multiple Facebook groups for Canadians living in the USA, and I reached out to the groups to see if anyone has any advice or guidance. While I have already received multiple congratulations from members, so far, the helpful advice has not been forthcoming. Grrr.

    Einstein described relativity thusly: “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it’s longer than any hour. That’s relativity.” I looked at the forecast for this afternoon and my initial reaction was: “Wow… 24°C… it’s going to be a real scorcher!” Then I realized that every day in Cuba was within a degree above or below 30°C… and that in Dallas today’s projected high is 34°C. It is true then… everything is relative. With the low temperatures around or below 10°C at night, and knowing I needed to wear a hoodie to take HRF for her walk this morning, 24°C seems pretty hot. It’s really mild… and either way, I have no complaints. Tomorrow will be the same (but with rainstorms in the forecast), and Sunday will be cooler (also rainy). Monday (a holiday in Canada) will be cloudy and 14°C. I guess I should not complain about the weather today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 120

    Today is the day that I get back on track. I dropped Leslie at the airport yesterday morning, but before I did, I took her to Stacked for breakfast. While I had the healthy option, I did take a few bites of her French toast. The drive to the airport and dropping her off is always very difficult and sad for both of us, and there were a lot of tears. When she finally made her way to the terminal, I drove home to pick up Her Royal Floofness, who was in serious need of a haircut. I dropped her off at the spa at noon, and went home to have lunch, which was leftover Lebanese food. Folks, I love Shawarma, and while it is healthier than most other fast foods (and healthier still with the salad in place of the rice and potatoes) it is still a bit fattening. This is one of the reasons I knew that this meal was to be my last indulgence… at least, mostly.

    After a short nap, I picked up Princess Sophie… and some peanuts. Let me tell you, she looks so absolutely gorgeous! If you don’t believe me, check out her Instagram posting, where she is showing off her new necklace! Wed came home, and we rested for a bit again. Yes, the late night/early morning return from Cuba took a toll on my nearly fifty-year-old body, and I took two naps yesterday.

    When we woke up (of course, HRF naps with me too) I prepared dinner – my usual chicken with salad. Of course, it was later than I like to eat my dinner, especially knowing that I had been doing so well making my big meal the lunchtime meal. I was still hungry, and I had another helping of peanuts… and eventually I had a meal replacement shake as well. All in all, yesterday was not a good day on the diet. I am ashamed to admit that I also went searching for a couple of other snacks throughout the day. Fortunately I did not find them, otherwise the result on the scale this morning could have been even worse.

    Leslie (my fiancée! I love saying that!) is extremely supportive of my diet. She will love me no matter what I look like (as was proven in December) but knows that I want to make serious changes for me and for my health. She confirmed with me last night that this morning I was going to be getting back on my diet, and I promised her that I would be… and so far, I have done just that. I had my shake when we got back from our walk, along with my coffee. My plan is to make chicken for lunch, then a salad with tuna for dinner, and another shake in the evening. I am hoping that gets me back on the right track.

    Speaking of that track, yes… my weight was up again this morning. It is not terribly up, but it is enough to give me a strong reminder that the vacation is over, and it is time to start eating right again!

    By the way, we did bring sugar home from Cuba. We did not go into a grocery store to buy it, but we did empty a few containers that were on the table with coffee into a Ziplock bag. If you don’t know, Cuba was once one of the world’s leading sugar producers, and they still make a fine product… all natural, no chemicals or refining. Just pure cane sugar. It is amazing, and I now have a pound of it in my kitchen. It will go well with the Cuban coffee that we brought home… which we did buy from a store!

    I will spend a couple of hours at Lyle and Dorothy’s house today, and then will come straight home. It is always good seeing friends! Lyle asked me to bring him something from Cuba, so it will be a good opportunity to deliver that as well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 119

    There are several reasons why, over the past few days, I have missed blogging. Yesterday, Leslie and I landed at Pearson International Airport shortly after 3:00am; by the time we were through Customs and Immigration and collected our luggage, then drove home to Burlington, we poured ourselves into bed at 4:42am. If it was not for the annoying Covid screening test that she had to take within 24-hours of her flight home to Dallas, we could have stayed in bed and relaxed until we had sufficient rest. As it was, we got four hours of sleep, and while we made it through the day (and through today), we did so quite tiredly.

    There are people who say ‘I need a vacation to recover from my vacation.’ This was not the case for us. Indeed, we got quite a lot of relaxing done over our six days in Cuba. It was a late night flight that was delayed (no surprise) that caused our state.

    No matter. After the screening test, we picked up Leslie’s favourite Lebanese food for lunch, which she truly enjoyed… and which I enjoyed as well, both yesterday and today as leftovers. Yum! We had twenty-four hours left together, and we were going to make the most of them. We picked up HRF Princess Sophie after a quick trip to the grocery store, and we came home and enjoyed a lovely dinner together. It is sad that she had to go home… and that it will be another twenty-nine days before we are reunited.

    All of this time, and no mention of weights. Let’s clear that up. I stepped onto the scale yesterday morning, and I had lost two pounds in the last week. That is a resounding success when on holiday! It is also likely a mostly meaningless number. Travel messes with my system, and I knew that todays and tomorrow’s numbers would be a better reflection of reality. Nonetheless, down is better than up. I was worried that vacation indulgences would see my body weight creep over the 350 lbs mark again. It did not. This morning, I was up from yesterday… but not up to the weight that I was at the day we left. I am about .4 lbs down from then, which is, as I said, a huge success that I will celebrate.

    I should mention that last night I indulged. It was all emotional eating – I knew that Leslie was leaving today, and I was extremely sad. I was also stressed knowing how upset she is every time she has to go home. Let’s assume that the dinner that we shared – chicken gyoza and vegetarian spring rolls from the frozen food section at Fortinos, air fried to perfection, was a necessary meal. The handful of dried mangos that I ate was possibly excusable… fruit may have a lot of sugar, but it is still healthy. The chocolate covered marshmallow with M&Ms was a complete diet aberrance with no redeeming qualities other than taste. It was good, but the sugar rush made me sluggish and almost immediately sleepy. For someone who is not always good at seeing the immediate cause and effects of food, I am happy to see this. Lots of sugar equals no energy a few minutes later.

    We slept well, and this morning, after Leslie took HRF for a walk, we carried her luggage to the car, then went out for breakfast. Yes, I ordered the Healthy Start meal, or whatever they call it. I did not indulge… beyond having two mouthfuls of Leslie’s French toast. Lunch was leftovers, and I am now back on my plan… I hope.

    It was a great week, but now I have to get back to the serious business of losing weight.

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 118

    This is a placeholder post, in case I am unable to connect to the Internet from Cuba on Tuesday!

  • Day 117

    I guess the last few days I have let my journal fall by the wayside. The trip has been a rollercoaster of mostly good and a couple of hard moments, but it is hard to avoid those. As I sit here on the last morning in Cuba, I think back to what I have eaten, and if I will have gained or lost weight, or stayed the same. The simple answer is that I will know tomorrow.


    I have not eaten great these last few days… but I don’t think I have eaten terrible either. I have not eaten anything with sauce, and have mostly had roasted (or grilled?) chicken as my main meal. Yes, I have had deserts with my meals… but I have also walked over 10,000 steps every day. I have had bread with my breakfast a couple of days, and have had mid-afternoon snacks of sandwiches and French fries. I have not been gluttonous about it though. I have had a few drinks, but have not drunk to excess. I have had a lot of coffee beverages, and drank a lot of water.


    The end result is that I don’t feel worse (fatter) than I did a week ago, but I also don’t feel better (slimmer) either. I will easily call a status quo a win after a week on an all inclusive resort.


    It has been hot and humid… about what you would expect from Cuba in May. I did not expect the rainstorms, but we had two of those (Friday evening and Sunday mid-afternoon). The first one was a real storm… Leslie and I were at the fancy restaurant (you can reserve one such meal per visit) when the heavens opened up. We had a coffee and chatted – I love that we have so much in common and can talk so easily – and waited, not for the storm to end, but until it relaxed a little. Yesterday afternoon, we came back to the room as well. There is something to be said about air conditioning when the temperature is in the low 30s, and the humidity is in the 90s!


    Friday and Saturday we spent at the pool, owing mostly to a towel mix-up. Don’t ask. Sunday morning we finished breakfast, then collected our towels and walked down to the beach. Sitting with my fiancée watching the ocean was just amazing. At one point I walked over to the bar and picked up a couple of piña coladas, which for some reason were blue. We then went into the water, and we spent an hour frolicking in the waves. I highly recommend it!


    After breakfast today we will have to pack our stuff and check out of the room by noon, although we will have another six hours on the resort. It is sad that we have to return to reality, but it was a wonderful week, and we will get more wonderful weeks together in the future. I am really looking forward to being able to start our life together as a married couple!


    I should mention that I probably smoked fewer cigars this trip than I usually would have, but that is not because of Leslie, rather because of the box that I decided to smoke. It is a stronger cigar than I could have chosen, and because of that my usual 6-7 cigars per day in Cuba was dialled back to 3-4 cigars per day. I enjoyed every one of them… and so did Leslie.


    Tomorrow we return to reality but we have a few more hours in paradise. We will make the most of them!

  • Day 116

    This is a placeholder post, in case I am unable to connect to the Internet from Cuba on Sunday!