Losing a part of me

Category: Doctor

  • Day 292

    I am back from the doctor’s office, where I was pleased to be down 1kg. Oddly, the same scale that converts from kilos to pounds had me down much more in the imperial system… oh well.

    My doctor is extremely pleased with my weight loss progress over the last 10 months and told me as much. He is also impressed by my blood pressure (97/67). I am at no risk of hypertension. He said that the last time we did a blood screen I was okay, so there is no need to do that again ahead of schedule… sometime early next year I would think.

    Something else the doctor discussed with me is a new medication that is a once per week injection that suppresses the appetite and helps with weight loss. He asked if I have medical benefits and I told him I do not. Aside from it being quite pricey, he agrees that I do not currently need it, and that when my progress abated then we can discuss it again. Maybe when I move to the US I could get it… but I am hoping that by then, I will no longer be obese.

    I cheated yesterday. I am embarrassed to say that I gorged on crackers, but I did. I have to do better today!

    Eduardo is feeling better, and will come over later in the afternoon for a cigar and a chat. I was worried about him, and am glad that he is better.

    I really miss my wife. I am counting the days until she comes to see me, which is now eleven days away. Will I meet my goal of weighing under 300 lbs. by then? The potential is there… as long as I do not continue to cheat on a regular basis! I want to put on a suit and take her out on the town all dolled up. That is my current goal!

    After the doctor, I had my winter tyres put onto my car, as well as an oil change. While oil changes will never go away, this should be my last season of winter tyres… unless the US State Department drags their feet. I am crossing my fingers that does not happen, and that a year from now I am living with Leslie. I miss her too much for this to drag on!

    The weather has not quite turned, but under the sunny skies, it is a much cooler day today than it was Saturday. Even yesterday was warmer, but the wind negated that. I can definitely feel the winter coming. In Canada, that means warm weather clothes, turning the heat on (at home and in the car), and switching out trainers for winter boots. Ahh, the joys of Canadian winters are plentiful…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 254

    Day 254

    Yesterday I registered my first twenty thousand steps day. I am extremely happy with that, even though I strongly suspect that my attempts to get that Garmin badge will still fall short. I am 21,500 steps shy, and I have fifteen hours to do it. I think I need to hit fifteen kilometres on my walk today to clinch it… and that is not likely to happen, especially since my legs this morning were feeling jelly-like following yesterday’s push. That is not to say that it cannot happen, just that it is not likely. In the month of September, there were seventeen days that I did not go for a fitness walk. The fact that I made a major push this last week does not make up for that.

    My weight this morning was the same as it was yesterday. I joked with Leslie that it is too bad that I only count my early morning weight, because when I came in from my walk yesterday, I registered my lowest weight of the year. Nothing doing, because water loss from exercise does not count. Unless, of course, I wanted to get up at 5am and walk before my 7:00am weigh-in! (The fact that we had dim sum for dinner might also contribute to the non-loss…)

    I can talk about the dim sum and sushi all day long, but the truth is that I am happy with how I have been managing my eating these last few days. Rosh Hashana was a disaster, but today is the third day in a row that I will only have a single meal, plus my meal replacements. Add to that the fitness walking, and I have a lot to be proud of. No, I am not on the extreme, no-cheating program I was on a couple of years ago… I want to lose weight safely, but more important, I want to be able to maintain my weight loss once I revert to eating normal foods and eschew the meal replacements.

    My diet-buddy and I spoke last night (as planned). Her announcement is that she decided to have gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico, which will reduce the size of her stomach, and help her to lose the weight. I am not sure how I feel about this, and it is not my place to judge. I know that when someone has tried over and over again to lose weight, and nothing they have done has succeeded, then they may feel that there is no other choice but the surgical route. The fact that I do not think it is for me does not mean that I do not think there are people who will benefit from it, or for whom there is no other reasonably alternative. My biggest concern is the medical tourism issue. I do not know what the conditions of the hospital are, nor the qualifications of the surgeon. She tells me that the hospital is American owned and that the doctors are American. That scares me even more… the better trained American doctors usually work in the USA. I would probably feel better knowing that the hospital was American owned, but the doctor is a really respected Mexican. None of this is my place to say, of course. Her father is a retired physician and has already told her what he thinks. His credentials far exceed mine, but she has made up her mind. I will support her as a friend, but I will still worry.

    My other concern with her decision is whether we are still suited to support each other. While she knows what I am going through, I will have no idea whatsoever how to support her, other than to listen to what she says. Right now, when she tells me about her issues, I can relate to them. I can advise her on how to handle things. If she fails, I can advise her how to try to succeed in the future. Once she has the surgery, I don’t know anything about that. Will I be able to continue to advise and support her? I don’t know, but I will give her that insight, and let her decide. She might just appreciate having someone who can listen to her.

    Today I do not have much planned. Leslie and I are going to run an errand at lunch, after which I will probably go for my last walk of the month. I will not do it to break records or to get challenge badges, I will do it because fitness walking is good for me and is helping me to lose weight and to get into shape. I also do not know what the weekend has in store, and if I will be able to get out to walk or not. I will try, but with Leslie’s son here, I know I will be at the mercy of his schedule, and that is fine. Leslie is making tamales for dinner, and I will stick to my meal replacements aside from that. I confess that I did not know what a tamale was until I looked them up. They look tasty!

    Not only did I order my shaker bottle to take to California yesterday, I also ordered meal replacement shakes and bars. The shakes are the same ones that I have been used to. The bars are not. There are usually three flavours of bars available, and I like to alternate between the apple-cinnamon and the chocolate bars. While the apple cinnamon bars are available on eBay, the chocolate bars have not been available for some time. However, there is another company that makes bars with similar nutritional values, which come in many different flavours. I ordered three boxes each of s’mores and chocolate-almond. Either I will like them, and I will stick with them, or I will not, and I will revert to the tried-and-true original brand. Either way, by the time I am ready to go back to Canada, I will need plenty of stock. This should hold me over for a while.

    The weather today is similar to yesterday. It is sunny and pleasant, with a projected high of 82° Fahrenheit. I can definitely work with that on my walk this afternoon! Tonight the sabbath begins, and I will light the candles, say the prayers, and remember the day as holy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • A Pleasant Surprise A-Weights…

    Boy did I get that one wrong somehow. I lost a lot more than a half kilo in the past three weeks. In fact, I lost 2.6kg, which makes me quite happy. The procedure went well, and I am home. The chicken is in the air fryer, the salad is made, and in a few minutes, I will have my lunch as planned. In fact, it looks like my entire day will go as planned.

    The doctor told me that the nurse was extremely pleased with my overall progress, in addition to my incremental progress. I won’t lie… I’m pretty pleased with it too!

    My next appointment with the doctor is scheduled for a month from now, right on the heels of my three-week trip to Dallas and California. As long as I remember every minute of every day that my weight loss is more satisfying than the often-indulgent foods that will be offered to me, there is hope that in that time I can lose another 3-4kg in that time. I will work hard to make that happen. 4kg in a month should be not just doable, but very doable.

  • Day 238

    I have to start remembering that on days when I have a meal with my son, I am going to be eating at a restaurant. Why then would I have the full lunch, and full supper? It is probably because I do not want to break my routine of eating at lunch time. He and I went to Lone Star Grill, where I ordered a grilled chicken fajita bowl (without the cheese). Unfortunately, they also put out a plate of nachos and salsa, which I indulged in. I consider that a failure. My son ordered an appetizer of queso and chips which I did not touch. I chalked that up as a success. Of course, my avoidance of the dip was not only a weight issue; I do not mix dairy with meat… or chicken.

    At the end of the meal, Gilad asked to take most of his dinner home with him. This is not unusual – he fills up on the dip, and then has one or two chicken wings. He asked if I wanted to share an order of churros for dessert, and I told him I did not. I asked him if he would like to get an order of churros to take home with him, and he was happy with that. Sitting and watching him eat (or mostly neglect) the plate of chicken wings was more than enough for me.

    In a few minutes I will drive to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I am not expecting any great progress from two weeks ago. If I am down even half a kilo then I will consider it a win, after the disastrous week I had in Montreal… and even yesterday with the chips. On the bathroom scale this morning I did not gain weight, but I did not lose any either. After the weigh-in, I am having a minor surgical procedure to remove a couple of skin tags that have been bothering me for years. All told, I should be home by noon.

    For the first time since mid-July, I am having my apartment cleaned today. I do not live like a slob, and so it is not nearly as bad as it could be. I do so like having everything cleaned though. She does not do a great job, but she does well enough. When she is done (at 5:00pm) I will go for a long walk, having skipped yesterday.

    It is a lovely day out, and by the time I am ready for my walk, it should still be 22° Celsius out. That should make for great conditions for a comfortable walk, whether it be for 8km or longer. I will make that decision likely around the halfway point of my outing, based on what my body is saying to me.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 207

    I did not walk yesterday. I went to Lyle’s in the afternoon (after taking some clothes to a tailor to be altered), stopping at Bulk Barn for a handful of peanuts. To offset those, I did not have my final meal replacement shake in the evening, so the calories will more or less balance properly. It is not a habit I will be falling back into, but an occasional necessity when the timing of my day works badly. Normally I would be eating my meal around 12:30pm, so when I am out until 3:00pm (and need another half hour to cook) I need something to tide myself over, lest my hunger grow too great and tempt me to cheat worse.

    The numbers on the bathroom scale were once again good ones this morning, down nearly half a pound. I am almost back to hoping that I might way as little as 315lbs when I fly to Dallas in ten days. Something else that happens on that day is my weigh-in at the doctor’s office, and I am excited for that too. As of this morning, I am 5.5kg down from my last weigh-in, which will be my best showing between appointments… even averaged out (knowing there will have been five weeks between weigh-ins) I will be happy with that drop… and that is not accounting for the fact that I still have ten more days to try to drop even more weight.

    I am not going to lie… it feels good when the nurse looks at me in awe of my success, but it feels even better when the doctor (who I have known more than fifteen years) looks at my chart and says ‘Is this right? According to the nurse, you lost this much weight since your last visit.’ After my wife, it is their response that I am always eager for. Yes, I should not be looking for external validation. According to psychologists you need to be happy with yourself, and you should not be trying to impress anyone but you. Thanks Doctor Whoever, the reality is that external validation is important for all of us, but maybe that much more so for those of us who had parents who never gave it to them. Good enough was never good enough, it was only perfect that was rewarded. While it did not happen often, if I would bring home an exam with a 95% grade, I would be asked ‘what happened to the other 5%?’ Thanks Mother… and frankly, thanks Dad too. Forty years later I am looking for validation from my family physician.

    These epiphanies are among the reasons I write this journal. I likely would never have put into words – if I even thought about it at all – why I get so much satisfaction from my doctor’s feedback if I was not writing. I do not know how many people read everything that I write (I know of only one person who does, even though the stats on my blog tell me there are more), but these insights are not only for you, they are for me. Being able to understand the root cause of an issue is a very good way to start learning to deal with that issue.

    Let’s be honest… we all seek external validation for something. ‘Do I look fat in this dress’ is never asking for negativity, rather the asker is seeking a compliment, knowing the response better be positive. As a teacher, I love giving my students validation… and plenty of opportunity to get it. I ask review questions about what we are learning to make sure the students understand what I just taught, but it also gives them an opportunity for me to give them positive reinforcement. Things that I never got as a child. When I would do something right, more often than not the feedback would be akin to, ‘Why can’t you do it like that every time?’ Thanks Mother… and again, thanks Dad.

    I am not losing weight for anyone but myself. There are simply no benefits to being morbidly obese that I am aware of, and myriad benefits to being slim and in shape. Yes, I want to lose weight for my wife, not only for our longevity and so that I do not fall ill with any of countless obesity-related illnesses that would require her to care for me (which she would do I know, but I would rather not have to burden her thusly), but also for our immediate happiness, including our intimate life (which improves with every pound I lose). If Leslie and I were not together, would I still be on this journey? I think so. I hope so. Like most people, I like to look good, and it is simply easier to do that when you are slimmer than fatter. I feel better in the clothes I wear, and I feel better out of them. So yes, I want to lose weight for my wife… but I want to lose weight for me as well.

    With all of that said, who does not like getting compliments? As I have written before, not all compliments are welcome… but the sincere ones from people who care about you feel good. I was walking with Princess Sophie a few days ago and a neighbour who moved away but was in the neighbourhood saw me and was shocked by my progress. That feels good.

    I am changing my schedule for today. Usually, I would walk later in the afternoon, but because I did not walk yesterday, and because the weather is conducive to it – at present, it is 66° and cloudy. The high temperature is only forecast at 74°F, and the sun will be peaking from behind clouds from 1pm onwards. The weather will be decent all day, but if I go now, then I will have the whole afternoon to do what I want to do. Maybe I will go to a movie after lunch. Who knows?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 168

    Today is my fiftieth birthday. A lot of water under the bridge. I have been through a lot, and I have survived it all. I am grateful for what I have and for who I am, and for where I am. Could it be better? In some respects, yes. Could it be worse? In many respects, absolutely.

    I started the morning at the doctor’s office, with some amazing news. I had said yesterday that I was hoping to have lost at least four kilos. I lost nearly five kilos since my last weigh in! Over 10.5lbs in the month which included so many opportunities to cheat and to fall off the program. Yay!

    The doctor also gave me other good news, most of which I will not share. Suffice it to say that I came back from the appointment happy, and I even brought the love of my life a pink drink from Starbucks, which cost me nothing because they give you a drink for free on your birthday!

    It was one year ago today that I was asked if I was daft. A year later I am married. Hopefully I am less daft than I was, but I know I will still do stupid things.

    So many people rue birthdays. Getting older is not fun, but it is better than the alternative. In my original chosen career path, I had a few friends who did not get to grow old, and I think it would be an insult to their memory for me to treat my birthday as anything but a celebration… and a memorial to them. This evening, Leslie and I will go for a lovely steak dinner. I will have a piece of birthday cake because… yes, I can. Afterwards we will come home and sit on the patio, and I will smoke an absolutely incredible cigar from my Unicorns Collection… the cigars that are over twenty years old, and each one is extra special not only because of its age, but because of the story behind it.

    I am so blessed to have my wife here to celebrate with me, and this evening will be just us. Saturday afternoon some of my friends are throwing a bit of a party for me, and that will be delightful. For today, Leslie and I will celebrate quietly… if indulgently!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 167

    I got onto the bathroom scale this morning and got a huge shock. After my 2.4lbs drop yesterday, this morning I was down another 3.8lbs from yesterday. I still say that every small increment helps, but these occasional huge drops are always nice too! The real tell will be tomorrow morning. I will be seeing the doctor for my official weigh-in. I have not been to his office for an official weigh-in since Day 139, so it is nearly a month. Unless something goes very wrong between now and then, I am expecting to see a huge drop – at least four kilos down from my last weigh-in, conservatively. I am crossing my fingers. At the same time, I know that hope is not a strategy, and so I will also be eating well today.

    Speaking of that, we started with a very nice omelet this morning. I sautéed some mushrooms and onions on one burner, while preparing the six-egg omelet in the other. I have been playing with blending the eggs rather than beating them by hand; yesterday it was too… something. I had them in the blender for seven seconds. This morning I kept it to three seconds, and according to my lovely wife, I got the consistency perfect today. Yay! Of course, I also added some cheese and dill to the mix, and it was quite lovely. Add to that my morning coffee, which is quite important. For nearly three weeks in Dallas, I made do with an inferior coffee blend (which was nobody’s fault but my own). It is wonderful to be home to my Pane Fresca blend of French Roast mixed with Belgian Chocolate.

    It was raining this morning when I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk. Not a big deal, but we did get wet. Fortunately, I have hats to keep me partially protected. We did not go as far as we often do, but she was able to accomplish what she needed to, and that was the important part.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 165

    Leslie and I are at the airport on our way home to Toronto. Getting through checking in and Security was a breeze… even though the TSA agent at Security was a bit of a prick.

    One of the advantages of flying business class is that when all of that rigamarole is behind us, we can relax in the business class lounge – in the case of American Airlines, the Admiral Club. It is the first time in year I’ve flown American, but the lounge is similar to the ones I am used to. I have a cup of coffee, Leslie has a sofa, and we have ninety minutes before boarding starts.

    This morning my weight was down another pound, which puts me exactly where I was before I got onto the airplane nearly three weeks ago. To be on vacation and not gain weight is a success, even though I was way down for a few days. Damn those tasty treats!

    One thing I am happy about is that my weight stayed stable, but I did not deprive myself. For example, yesterday for lunch we had a wonderful hamburger and fries. I only had beef twice during my stay here… well, three times if you count the pho.

    I will see the doctor on Wednesday, and I am hoping to be at least one but maybe as much as two kilos down. I am crossing my fingers. I have not walked since Thursday, but tomorrow is a holiday for Leslie (and the entire USA) so we will probably go down to Niagara Falls for the day. Tuesday morning I will resume my walking routine.

    Have a great day folks… and I’ll see you in Toronto!

  • Day 161

    I did not lose any weight this morning. I did not gain any either, so I am happy… especially knowing that not only did I have fried chicken nuggets with lunch, but also had a couple of (small) cookies, and then at 10:15pm Leslie and I shared a bag of microwave popcorn. Every day that I do not gain anything back after cheating the day before is a success.

    On my walk today I expanded my radius, as I have done every walk so far. While the distance I walked today is exactly what it was Monday, I did a bigger square. The difference is that when I arrived back at the apartment complex, on Monday I still had another half-kilometre to walk, while today I got to the door of our apartment at exactly seven kilometres. I am going to try for an extra kilometre tomorrow, but I need to look at a map to see how I am going to do that. It would not be hard to say ‘Oh, I’ll walk one more block’ only to find out it adds an extra three kilometres to the walk. I am sure I could walk 10km… but no at a respectable pace. Here are today’s stats:

    • Distance: 7.00 km (7.00 km)
    • Duration: 1:19:42 (1:21:17 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 11:23 (11:36)
    • Steps: 8.7k (8.7k)
    • Calories burned: 396 (287)
    • Elevation gain: 31m (28m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 110 (106)

    If you have not yet figured it out, the numbers in brackets are the statistics from my previous walk, and not an average or whatever. I am happy with the progress that I am making, but I am especially happy with the increased frequency of my walks. From my first walk (April 2) to my last walk in Canada (May 5) I walked four times, for a total of twenty-one kilometres. Since arriving in Dallas (and recovering from Covid) my first walk was on June 23; as of today (June 29) I have walked four times as well… for a total of twenty-three kilometres. My goal is to keep the cadence up, and gradually improving the distance. I am curious to see what effect the cooler Canadian weather will have on my pace and endurance when I arrive back next week. I am excited to keep going. As well, when I am back in Canada I will get back to my Taekwondo. I expect that between the walking and the martial arts, I will start to see significant victories… both on the scale and off.

    Today has been a good day for me with regard to food… so far. I had cereal for breakfast, which is not really a good start but is also not terrible. For lunch I had a piece of leftover fish with some cauliflower, and some macaroni and cheese (a very small amount). For dinner I made a delicious arctic char that I marinated in lemon juice all day, and Leslie prepared some rice. I suspect that between the food and the exercise, I should be happy with the number on the scale in the morning.

    Speaking of scales, I made an appointment for next Wednesday to see the doctor. He will weigh me, but I also have a couple of other things to discuss with him. Say what you want about the Canadian national health system, when I want to see my doctor it is never a long wait… and I have never gotten a bill from him!

    I joined a cigar lounge today. I spent the afternoon there chatting with some of the members and staff, and of course smoking cigars. I have always said that cigars are a great way to get to know people. When I first moved to California, my then-girlfriend was shocked by how quickly I was able to meet people. Three or four of the people I met my first month in California are still friends to this day. Today I met a couple of great people that I look forward to getting to know. Tomorrow I will head down there for a couple of hours again, but I am going to a movie with a friend of ours in the early evening, so it will only be a quick cigar.

    Have a great day folks, and stay positive!

  • Day 105

    Okay, my weight is down from my last doctor’s visit… but not a lot. I have to focus. Maybe I have to eat fewer peanuts.

    Today will not be overly an overly taxing day. I will spend a couple of hours putting together my slide deck for tomorrow evening’s presentation, but that is about all I need to work on. I am tired, so I might take a nap. I am really looking forward to the weekend in Montreal and seeing my friends there.

    I did speak with my doctor about my allergies, and he prescribed a new medication that he said might work better than the over-the-counter stuff I have been using. I took the first pill today. We’ll see.

    I don’t really feel very talkative today, so rather than blathering on, I will keep today’s short and to the point. Have a great day!