Losing a part of me

Category: Doctor

  • Day 427

    After an extremely productive bowel movement, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and was shocked. I cannot remember the last time I saw a one-day weight drop of more than four pounds, but there it was. In a single day, completely unexpectedly, I not only dropped below the 260-pounds mark… but I blew right past my best weight from 2020 (by over 1.5 lbs.), beating the pace I had set on my comparative chart by a full three weeks. You see, on February 3 I looked at what I weighed, and realizing that I was 24.8 lbs. from my best weight of 2020, I decided to create a chart of my daily weigh-ins from that attempt. It took be sixty-nine days to lose those 24.8 lbs. back then, with a lot of hiccoughs along the way. In 2023 it took me forty-eight days. I am now solidly in best-weight-yet territory, and I am less than four pounds from achieving my best adult weight that I have any reliable record of. I am blown away, and more motivated than ever to keep going!

    According to the app that is connected to my bathroom scale, my Body Mass Index (BMI) this morning is 33.2, a tremendous one-day drop. It was a scant nineteen days ago that it dropped (for the final time) below 35. Mornings like this, when I see a huge and unexpected drop on the bathroom scale, make me look at things more finely than I usually do. Frankly, of late I know that I have spent a lot of time obsessing over my numbers and charts. I know that I have to start tempering this obsession with my weight loss, but on days like today that can be tough. After seeing the doctor, I will drive into Toronto to pick up my meal replacements, then I will come right back home, finish this entry (and publish it on my blog), and I will go about the rest of my day. For now, as I sit here at 7:45am, I am happy to take a few moments to kvell.

    There is a challenge on one of the apps I use to track my progress called You Vs. The Year 2023. The goal is to walk or run 1,023 kilometres in the calendar year. There are some pretty sweet prizes that those who complete the challenge can win (there will be a raffle). I only discovered the challenge a couple of days ago, but all of my walking and running from the beginning of the year are counted. Checking out the leaderboard I have actually run/walked nearly 200km… although that number is likely slightly higher, since only two workouts per day can be counted. I know there was a day a few weeks ago when I ran then walked then ran then walked, and that was four workouts… two of those would be discarded. So be it. I also see that of the 130,301 people currently enrolled in the challenge, I am ranked 32,700… nowhere near the top, but in the top twenty-five percent. I am quite happy with that!

    I picked Kerry up from the train station (as is the custom), so it was not until we got to my building that I stood up and she saw me. ‘How are you so thin? What happened to you? Did you leave part of yourself in Dallas?’ It felt amazing to hear her notice my weight loss. When we got upstairs, I showed her the most recent before/after photos and she was astonished. To put things in perspective, I am now fifteen pounds from having lost her body weight. That is a real trip!

    My outdoor jog yesterday was tougher than I thought it would be, but with a few short breaks to breathe I was able to complete a 10km outdoor run for the first time. There is an obvious difference between the mapping software I used to calculate the route in advance and the actual route, because what I had mapped at just short of 11km prior to setting out would have been short of 10km, and I only reached that number because there was a very long freight train that impeded my forward progress, so I circled back twice (nearly a full kilometre in total) waiting for it to pass. Most likely, the difference can be chalked up to running on the close sidewalk, rather than driving in the far lane of traffic. No matter, I did my first outdoor 10km run, and I feel great for it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1 km (8 km)
    • Duration: 1:22:34 (45:43)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m11s (5m42s)
    • pb Steps: 12,795 (6,390)
    • Calories burned: 1,243 (636)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am feeling like I can do anything… knowing that I am down so significantly since I left for Dallas just thirteen days ago (and remembering all of the cheating eating I did in that time) I have to wonder how long it might take me to get down to my ideal weight, whatever that might be. I cannot imagine that it will take me the rest of this calendar year but am going to remain cautiously optimistic. If my rate of loss were to drop to 2.8 lbs. per week then on my birthday, I would weigh less than 220 lbs. … a 115-lbs. drop from my last birthday. Before the middle of August, I would drop below 200 lbs., which I have not weighed since I was a teenager. I only have to stay focused and on track… but at a certain point, I am going to have to start listening to my body for signs that it is enough. As I have said, I do not know what I should weigh as a healthy fifty-year-old male. According to the BMI Calculator, I will not be ‘healthy’ until I drop to 194 pounds, which means I am less than sixty-five pounds away. I am 26 pounds from dropping from Obese Class I to Overweight, which will be a great accomplishment, but I still feel I am a couple of months away from hitting that goal… not quite a short-term goal yet.

    I am off to my doctor’s appointment and will find out what I weigh on his scale this morning. Last night I told Leslie how wonderful it would be to drop another 2kg from my last weigh-in. As it stands, if my bathroom scale is any indicator, that loss might be closer to an unheard of 5kg. The now very real possibility that in just over 90 minutes I will know if I have not only dropped below 120 kg, but also surpassed the 60kg lost mark simply blows my mind! If I do not make that, then I will still be down, and will have another milestone to look forward to two weeks from now.

    Shock and disbelief are words that continue to describe my reactions this morning. It is currently 11:45am. Just four hours ago I wrote that I was hoping my official weigh-in would have me down better than 2kg, although my bathroom scale was measuring me down nearly 5kg. The reality was much closer to that latter number than the former. I was floored to see I have dropped 4.7kg in two weeks. I have officially lost 60.8kg (134 lbs.) since my journey began. How can that be?

    Driving into Toronto I spoke with my wife about everything I discussed with the doctor, including my response to his question ‘what is your final goal.’ As I have written herein several times, I told him that I do not know. I did decide, however, that on June 1 I will be transitioned back onto regular food. I discussed this with Leslie, and she told me that she supports me as long as I no longer see myself as a fat man. I responded that might take a lot longer and we discussed the psychological effects of long-term obesity.

    I mentioned June 1 as my end date for a few reasons, but I do not think I had discussed it with anyone (nor written it down) before. The only reason it came to mind today was because the nurse at the clinic where I buy my meal replacements informed me that on that date the price of the products will be going up. While that is the reason I thought of it today, the price increase is not the reason I made that decision. I should mention that I will very likely buy another case of the meal replacements right before the price increase; Doing the math, and taking into consideration my next trip to Dallas, I would finish my current allotment plus one more case of the meal replacements on June 4. If I purchase one more case, that will allow me four more weeks of the full-fast program… but I am planning to use the final case to transition off of the full-fast at a measured and reasonable pace. While I have a couple of months ahead of me to think about it, my transition off of the program is something I will have to give consideration to. I will start discussing that plan with my doctor at our next appointment.

    It is a cloudy day outside, and while the temperatures are forecast to reach 7° by 6:00pm, I still think I am going to opt for a trip to the gym today. The treadmill is not as liberating as is jogging outside, but it does force me to push myself harder; I do not know why my pace on the treadmill is so much quicker than it is outside, but it is. Of course, the gym also allows me the added bonus of the post-workout sauna, which feeling my muscles today will be welcome relief. I am teaching this evening, which means I will be spending a great deal of time sitting down; a quick Google search confirms that some of the muscles I should be feeling with my increased jogging are also the ones I find myself sitting on!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 413

    I am not sure if the reason I woke up early was really in anticipation of being able to check in for tomorrow morning’s flight at the very first possible minute, but that thought was certainly what occupied my mind as I lay in bed at 5:58am. Within fifteen minutes or so I would abandon all pretext of trying to fall back asleep, and I would start my day.

    I did not check in for my flight at the very first possible minute… but it was certainly completed within the first thirty minutes. An Uber has been reserved to pick me up at the ungodly hour of 0300. I even tried to fill out my CBP for on their new app, but that it seems has to be completed at the airport, so I will do it tomorrow morning. Knowing that I will wake up tomorrow morning alone, but by 10:00am I will be with my wife… you might say that I am excited, yes. If you did not read the monumental understatement in the tone of that statement, then you understand why I so prefer verbal communication. When I am back from my doctor’s appointment (and collecting whatever pharmaceuticals I need to renew) I will pack my suitcase, much of which will be filled with treats for Leslie and her son, but which will also include my blue suit and some other clothes. Before I begin my class this evening, I will pack up Her Floofness for her eleven-day visit with Sue, including her bowls and treats and toys. She gets to start her visit a day early so that I do not need to disturb Sue in the middle of the night. At the end of my class, I will be ready to drop off to sleep for four or five hours, and then the adventure begins!

    I decided to make an exception to my normal routine this morning. Most days that have an early doctor’s appointment, I will not consume anything until I am back. There are several reasons why I decided to have my first cup of coffee before going, not the least of which is that it smells so good. As is so often the case, I brewed the coffee without thinking. Yesterday I bought two different blends of coffee, this one being a mix of Swiss Chocolate Almond and an African bean that smelled too good to resist. One cup will not be the downfall of my weigh-in, will it? I have been saying that I want to register a 3kg loss from two weeks ago, which is possible based on my bathroom scale weigh-in… but it will be close. Maybe I should have skipped the coffee, waiting instead for my triumphant return from the doctor’s office. It’s too late now… maybe if I just change into a pair of shorts and go commando, I could make up for those added grams? Wait, it’s -5° outside… that is probably not a smart idea. I’ll just go with what I got, and I will hope for the best.

    —

    I missed my goal of 3kg by 100g, which means that if I had worn a short-sleeved t-shirt instead of my long-sleeve one I likely would have achieved it. I am moving the goalposts and calling it a victory. I am not going to cry over this one… especially with the memory of last week’s plateau of frustration so fresh in my mind. To lose 2.9kg over a fortnight during which my weight stayed the same for nearly a week? Huge win, thank you!

    The good news from the doctor is that I do not have arthritis in my knee. It is more likely tendonitis, but we need more imaging to confirm that. Sometime in the next couple of weeks, the imaging centre will call me to book an appointment. They asked if it needed to be rushed, but I assured them that it did not. The doc asked about my jogging, and I told him that I am still at it. He advised me to let pain be my guide. I can live with that advice. He told me there is no degradation of the knee, so I am okay… as long as I am okay.

    We decided to change the dosage of my ADHD medication, so following the appointment, I went to the pharmacy to drop off my new prescription. Sometime later today I will walk over there to pick it up. I will not be jogging today, but the pharmacy is just over a kilometre from here and will be a reasonable walk. I might continue along my path to make it a longer walk… but I will not be suiting up for a jog. Not only did I tell Leslie that I would not do that today, but I also do not want to have to do any more laundry before my trip.

    It is a beautiful day outside despite the cold. The forecast high is 2° which is not exactly beach weather, but it will be nice enough to put on my ski jacket and walk to the pharmacy… and probably the six-kilometre path around the block. When I come in, I will pack my carry-on bag, and then my suitcase. I have been chomping at the bit to do that for a few days now, and today is the day I finally get to do it.

    My plan for the day is to stay on track with my full-fast program (the last day for the next ten days that I will do that); I will go for my walk, stopping in at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. I will pack my stuff and will prepare Princess Sophie for her trip to Susan’s. I will teach my class this evening, and then I will try to get a few hours of sleep before my 2:15am alarm to prepare before the Uber arrives at 3am. If it is not too windy, I might have a cigar in the afternoon… we will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 402

    I knew my weight was going to be up this morning before I even stepped onto the bathroom scale. I said to myself that as long as my weight remained below 275 lbs., then I would be happy. Okay, that is not entirely accurate… I said, ‘Please, at least be under 274.5 lbs.’ it was 274.6, which is exactly the same (my bathroom scale does 2/10ths and so that was as close as it would get. It is not that I was expecting to gain weight based on bad behaviour; it was a simple matter of the inaccuracies of yesterday’s weights, and that the fluctuations made me leery about the accuracy. Couple that with another day of terrible weather keeping me sequestered in the house, and an unproductive bowel movement, I end up .4 lb. heavier this morning than I was yesterday. Tomorrow will be lower – it is simply not possible to consume under 950 calories in a day and not lose weight. I just have to be patient about it.

    I noticed in the night that my hips are aching a little. These are the hips that until recently were completely insulated by layers of fat, which I can now feel. The aches are not significant, and they are not keeping me awake. I suspect they are just making me aware of some of the changes that my body has gone through… and continues to go through. There have been other aches over the last few months. Most of these I have written about in these pages but are now behind me. I am sure that if there were pains that were significant and lasting enough, I would have discussed them with my doctor. I do see him at least once every month, and I think I have been doing a good job of keeping him in the loop. When I started on this journey, I knew that medical supervision would be important, and that would not simply be about watching the numbers on the scale drop. There are side-effects of dramatic weight loss that need to be watched, and not all of them are predictable. Add to that the fact that even while I was still morbidly obese, I was doing a lot more exercise than might be prescribed, and you have a body dropping a huge amount of weight that needs to be watched closely by medical professionals. Don’t get me wrong… it is great to get the encouragement and pats on the back from the nurse whenever I dropped a significant amount of weight. That was never why I asked to see them on a regular basis. It is for these aches and pains that arise from tremendous changes. If my hips are still bothering me at my next appointment, then I will discuss it with him.

    I mentioned a couple of times that Leslie and I discussed the end game… what I will look like, how she can support me, and so on. Another big component that we discussed that is less pleasant is that I will likely need surgery to remove excess skin. Yes, as unpleasant a thought as it is, my skin has been stretched over the last twenty-five years to support between a huge amount of excess body mass. While it might once have, it is unlikely that at my age it will have the elasticity to bounce back to what it should be. When I first went through the orientation for the program in 2017, this was something that they discussed. I looked around the room and thought to myself that the people there were older, larger, and much more out of shape than I am… it would apply to them, but not to me. In 2020 I was with a woman who pointed out that what I thought was still fat was also partly loose skin. Whether it would have applied to me at the time or not, it almost certainly will now. I am not excited about that. I do not like surgery for anything, but to have excess skin removed so that my body doesn’t look like a deflated balloon… yeah, that’s certainly unsettling.

    In a couple of hours, I am going to spend time with a couple of friends smoking cigars. The original plan was for me to spend the afternoon in Cambridge with a buddy (doing precisely that), but he texted me last night to cancel. Fortunately, Sam and Eduardo are available, and I will only have to drive to Milton instead of Cambridge. The only difference is that Princess Sophie won’t come to Milton… we smoke at Sam’s business, and it is not really appropriate to bring her. She will get to relax at home, and maybe the neighbour will grab her for a playdate with Charlie. In the meantime, I am going to stick to the program. Gaining .4 lb. this morning is not going to put me off the program. The one thing I will remember is that the last time I drove up there, I picked up a coffee at Starbucks… and it was horrible. I suspect they mixed two different blends, and I did not enjoy it at all. I will decide if I am going to make coffee here or pick up a cup on the way… but make sure they give me the right blend. We’ll see… it is nice to have the change, but they have to make it right!

    Stay on track, stay focused. I only wish I had not planned better – while I can mix my shake in the blender bottle, I much prefer the consistency of it when I make it in the blender. I won’t have a choice for my second meal replacement of the day, so I will bring the proper implements to mix it at Sam’s place. It will not be the biggest compromise I have to make in this program, and I will do it gladly. I only hope that Sam has ice cubes in the freezer… they do taste better ice cold! Speaking of which, I finished the case of water that I always keep in the car. I will make a point to pick a new case up today. I also think I will need to pick up some more coffee… I am not quite out, but I am low enough that if I have to be at the supermarket anyways to pick up water, I might as well pick up coffee at the same time.

    Okay folks, I am going to get to it. I have about thirty minutes of paperwork that I want to get done before I head out, so I should stop procrastinating. Also, now that I think of it, I am not sure if I am able to pick up my shoes from the cobbler today, or if it is next Saturday that they will be ready. I only remember that I was relieved that I will have them back in time to bring them to Dallas. I’ll try to call and confirm.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 399

    I was expecting this morning to fall slightly back in the comparative number from 2020 because back then, following my return from Las Vegas, I dropped 2.2 lbs. the following morning. An unexpected massive drop of the same number from yesterday kept me on pace, and while I know that will fall off somewhat tomorrow (I had two straight days of that same pace in 2020, followed by two days of terrible gains), it will level out Friday.

    After taking HRF Princess Sophie out for thirty seconds this morning (she hates snow and freezing rain), I prepared my shake and my coffee, and I sat down at my computer as I always do. I was midway through the first sentence of the first paragraph when I realized that I had a doctor’s appointment! I locked my computer, put the remainder of my morning shake into the fridge, and headed out the door. I honestly did not know what the shake would taste like when I got home, but it was not bad. It was not as good as it usually is freshly blended, but it was drinkable.

    On Monday I wrote that I was hoping to drop at much as 4 kg from two weeks ago. I dropped 3.4 kg, and am not disappointed by that… especially when I think back on the Great Nachos and Salsa Debacle.

    Both the doctor and nurse are extremely pleased by my progress. The doctor asked me what I have been doing, and I told him about how I adjusted my program. Remember that he had not seen me since January 18, and I have lost 8 kg in that five-week period. I told him that with the exception of my trip to Dallas, I have been on the full-fast program, and that even when I was in Dallas, I was able to maintain and even lose weight. He is extremely happy to see me doing so well. We discussed BMI, and I told him that mine was currently measured at 35.4, which means that another .5 drop will have me in Obesity Class I.

    We discussed several other issues, including the difficulties of the long-distance issue. I told him that things are looking rosy in every aspect of my life right now. I also told him about one conversation that Leslie and I had just yesterday, that will need much further discussion. More on that in a minute.

    I am not stupid. I told the doctor that I have started jogging, and that I have been out four times in the past ten days. I told him that so far, the jogging has not affected my knee at all, and that my issues when lying down are the same – no better, but certainly no worse. He told me that it was more important now to do the imaging for it, and I went downstairs after we were done to finally have that done.

    He asked me why I prefer to jog over a brisk walk. I told him with a grin that I am a soldier, to which he replied, ‘Yes… but you are an older soldier with a lot more weight than you once carried.’ I then told him my real reasons, which are a lot more practical. Ten minutes earlier, his nurse had measured my resting heart rate at 62 bpm, which is even higher than what my fitness watch usually measures it at. It has always been so… even my commanding officers joked that I was truly cold-blooded. The point is that it takes a lot to get my heart rate up. A brisk walk might get my heart rate up to 140 bpm (I took a moment to look back, and my average heart rate during an 8.5 km walk in September was 125 bpm). On Monday’s jog, I see that my heart rate was 164 by the end of the first kilometre, and steadily climbed to 180 throughout the rest of my jog. The higher the heart rate, the higher the metabolism, the more fat burned. That’s why I jog. He was convinced but told me that we are going to keep an eye on my knee, and if it starts to get worse then I am going to have to cut back. I agreed.

    The conversation that Leslie and I had that I told him about was what will maintenance look like? At what point will I say to myself and to my doctor that, ‘I do not need to lose any more weight, because I am happy with where I am.’ From there, Leslie asked me to start thinking about how she can best support me when I am there. For example, was this program something that I could go back onto if I gain weight again? Could I just decide at any time to do it for 6-8 weeks? I told her that yes, I could do it any time I needed, but that I hoped that I would never let myself go to a point where I would need to do it for that long. I do not know what my ideal weight will be, but I know that whatever size clothes I fit into at that point will be the size that I want to wear the rest of my life. I doubt then that gaining more than ten pounds would be comfortable. These are conversations that Leslie and I will continue to have, but the truth is that until I am there, I do not know where there will be… and so I cannot be sure how she will best be able to support me. The fact that she is asking though means the world to me.

    —

    I honestly do not understand why some people join Facebook support groups for weight loss, unless it is just to brag about how well they are doing, and to make themselves feel better when they talk down to others. The interaction:

    Original Post: Second time around and I can’t find myself to stick to it… clip_image002…I need encouragement or a support buddy.

    Response: How do you suppose an Internet support person can change your behavior? This is your journey, your call. If you can’t do it admit it and try later when you ready.

    My response: that is extremely short-sighted and just bad advice. I have supported several people through their journeys. They cannot change your behaviours, but they can be there for you to talk you through challenges, they can help get you back on track when you falter, and they can celebrate your successes. If you think weight loss is just about doing it alone then why bother with support groups at all? Why is it that so many clinics that use <The program> require regular meetings and support sessions? Do you really believe that THEY cannot change your behaviour, so they must be useless? Come on… 95% of this journey is psychological and knowing that you are not alone is a HUGE support.

    I then reached out in a private message to the original poster and wrote:

    I am begging you to ignore the TERRIBLE and completely counter-productive advice of <Response>. diet buddies and supporters are HUGELY important and beneficial, and it is not JUST about accountability. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ignore her and find someone that you can have regular check-ins with, as well as being able to call them when you are weak.

    There is a weight loss support group in Toronto that used to advertise on the radio, and they ended all of their commercials with the tag, ‘If you could do it alone, you’d have done it already.’ How true is that? Yes, there are people out there who are going to be able to lose as much weight as they want, and they are going to do it on their own. I have tried and failed many times, and I have spoken to so many people over the years who are in the same boat as I am. In 2020 I organized a number of support groups where we would have our weekly check-in meetings and discuss our successes and our failures. We would learn from each other, and we would lean on each other when we felt weak. We would celebrate and commiserate. One of the women I met in one of those groups is my diet buddy today, and she and I are helping each other once again. We both failed in 2020, but in 2022-3 we are succeeding, and we check in with each other on a weekly basis. We also call or text each other when we feel weak. There have been several times one or the other has texted and said ‘HELP! This is what I’m facing!’ The other would always talk them down from the desire to cheat.

    —

    The weather will be getting progressively worse over the next few days. Even during the drive home from the doctor’s office, it was snowing. The temperatures were a little below freezing. We are under a freezing rain warning, which is never pleasant. While I might go to the gym today, knowing what the driving could be like this afternoon I am going to take a wait and see approach to that.

    I do have a lot of work to do today, both studying and preparation. I am trying to build my virtual environment to be able to do every demo that I want for my classes, but also so that I can have every tool that I might need to prepare myself for my own certifications. It is not easy, but I am up to the challenge. One more thing that the doctor and I discussed today was the dosage of my medications. I told him that most days I am okay, but there are still days when I cannot focus at all. I told him that if it’s okay, I would like to give this dosage two more weeks, and then re-evaluate then. He thought that was a good idea, but told me that if we need to, he is not opposed to increasing my dosage. I will see how that is in two weeks… the day before I fly back to Dallas. I am truly so excited about that trip that it has the potential to be all-consuming… but I am trying to be calm!

    My plan for today for activity will depend on the weather, but for food it is simple… stay the course. There is no reason for me to fall off when I have been doing so well! It is amazing to think that I have lost over 17 lbs. since January 27, the second day of my last trip to Dallas, which is twenty-five days ago. I know that pace will not continue as I lose more weight, but it is still encouraging.

    Tomorrow is Day 400 of my weight loss journey, and I have lost an absolutely astonishing 30% of my body weight. Yes, I have lost 119 lbs. in that time, and I am just amazed by those numbers. If I lose another 30% of my body weight then I will weigh under 195 lbs., which is a weight that I simply do not remember… ever. I do not know what I weighed during the Army, but I remember clearly standing on a scale a year prior to my conscription (when I was living on the kibbutz) and weighing 100 kg… 220 lbs. I was a completely different person with a very different body back then, so whether I could get below that is possible but another unknown. I only have to lose another 20% of my current body weight to get back to that number, and I look forward to seeing what I look like then… and then evaluating if I want to lose any more. If I get there, that will account for about a total drop of 43% of my original weight… and I will not be unhappy with that!

    Stay on track, stay mindful. Whether or not I exercise, I will not cheat. If 220 lbs is my ultimate goal, then I am just over 55 lbs. from reaching it. In the meantime, looking at my short-term goals from just a couple of days ago, I am one pound from dropping below 275 lbs. before I see my tailor next Thursday, which means that unless I fall off the wagon into a vat of Buffalo wings, then I will achieve that goal easily. I am 3.4 lbs. from dropping to my lowest weight from 2017, which at an average of .4 lb. per day I will achieve by next Thursday as well. Lastly, I am 5.8 lbs. from dropping below 270 lbs. before I fly to Dallas in fifteen days… which means that if I lose an average of .4 lb. per day, I will do it. At the rate that I have been losing weight over the past few weeks, I know that I can do it all… as long as I stay on track and stay mindful.

    Have a great day folks!

  • On Obesity, the Body Mass Index, and Really Bad Advice

    I have a friend that I have known over a decade who told me recently that her doctor told her that she was clinically obese, and that he wanted to put her on weight loss medications. She was furious, claiming that he did not understand that her muscle weighs more than fat, and that she is actually in really good shape. She asked how she could be in such good shape, and still be obese.

    I am obese. I am what is classified by Health Canada as Obese class II, which means that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is between 35.0 and 39.9. A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece called STOP THE PRESSES! I AM OBESE! I wrote this the day that I realized that I dropped out of the classification of Severely Obese (which had previously been called Morbidly Obese). I am looking forward to achieving my next huge milestone, which will be to fall into the Obesity Class I category, which will mean that my BMI is below 34.9. For perspective, today my BMI is 36.1, and on February 1 it was 37. I have lost 6.6 lbs. in that time frame. As I lose the weight, my BMI drops, and I can see my progress, as well as the health benefits from into the lower classification.

    In other words, it is a great tool for those who are overweight and need to lose weight.

    My friend is not overweight. She is extremely muscular, and from her Facebook pictures (of which there are many) she does not look overweight to me. She does not feel overweight. Yet her doctor, who is not a weight loss specialist, looks at her and says that she needs to lose weight.

    The BMI is flawed in that it takes into account two factors only: height and weight. If you are this height, and you weigh this much, then this is your BMI, and you are either obese or not. We have known for decades that muscle weighs more than fat. How then can we say that a man who is 6’2” tall and 225 lbs. of solid muscle is obese? If his twin brother was the same height and weight, but was out of shape with a paunch, then that classification would make sense. To call someone obese based on a chart that accounts height versus weight just does not work.

    When I was going to weight management clinics in the past, the specialists taught us that the BMI is a flawed system. It works for those who are truly fat, but it cannot be applied equally to those who are in good shape. Why then would a doctor look at a patient, having obviously examined them thoroughly, and tell them, ‘According to this chart you need to lose weight.’? It is going to accomplish nothing other than to give the patient a complex. When people are told by their friends that they are overweight it hurts their feelings. When a doctor says it, that means that it must be true, and it can adversely affect their psyche. I do not know what psychological effects this misdiagnosis will have on my friend, but I know that it was weighing on her mind enough that she was complaining about it to me on a Saturday night.

    Doctors know that their words are, for many patients, gospel. If they say the patient is fat then it does not matter what size jeans they wear, that’s it. As such, they should know that there are other factors to a healthy weight than just the numbers on a chart, and if they do not then they should not offer uneducated opinions or advice that will hurt their patients’ feelings for no reason.

    I am glad that my friend refused the weight loss medications that the doctor wanted to prescribe because nobody wants to lose muscle. If she wants to keep her muscular body then she should not be encouraged that ‘this or that very flawed chart says that you need to lose weight, so lose weight.’

    The Body Mass Index is very helpful to me on my weight loss journey, and my family physician who has been monitoring me for the past year has been extremely helpful and encouraging on my journey. He also recognizes that as a general practitioner, he is not a weight loss expert, so when he is not sure about something he would rather give me no advice than bad advice. Perhaps my friend’s doctor should take a lesson from him.

    In our culture, our body image is a huge factor in our self-worth, and while that is probably unhealthy, it is absolutely true. Body shaming is disgusting from our friends and loved ones, and from strangers on the street who feel it is their place to comment on someone’s size. From a medical practitioner it is absolutely unconscionable, and when the doctor is ignorant on the subject it should be left to the professionals… or at least to doctors who are smart enough to know that two factors alone cannot determine a healthy body size.

  • Day 385

    I cheated yesterday, but not on the program! At lunch I went out as planned to buy a not-really-milk product for my coffee. As I was driving to the store, I realized that my gas tank was nearly empty. I was about to pass a petrol station when I realized this, so I pulled in and filled the tank. The station is in the same plaza as a supermarket (but not the one I would usually go to), and I did not expect that store to have what I wanted… but I decided to chance it. Sure enough, they had the oat milk I wanted! The advantage of FreshCo over Fortino’s is that they do not have the huge prepared-foods and fresh bakery sections between the door and where I needed to be. I cheated temptation, and also put fewer miles on my car. It was a win-win situation. Stay tuned for more life hacks! The only downside is that I did not get to the dry cleaner which is adjacent to Fortino’s… but I had left my shirts at home, so it did not matter.

    Staying on track is not easy, but I am doing everything that I can. I am flying down to Dallas in under a month, and I know that I will not be down to my best weight ever by then, but I will certainly weigh less than I do today. Even if it is 10-15 pounds less, that will be so much better than I am now, and certainly less than when I was there last week. All I have to do to achieve that is to stay on the program, and not cheat. I might not lose fifteen pounds… but if I stay on track, at least I will not gain weight. All I can ask for day over day is to do better than the previous day… whether that means my weight is lower, or I have a better attitude, or whatever better might mean on any given day. I know that I was thrilled last week when I was losing so much weight and it felt like it was just melting off, but most weeks will not be like that. These last few days that I have hardly lost any weight are not failures, I simply have to look for other wins. For example, yesterday I went to the supermarket and did not cheat! Also, I have gotten through the first two of my 12-hour teaching days without falling… or yelling, cursing, or anything bad. Today is day three, and once I am through it then tomorrow is a shorter day… I only teach during the day (and it will be the only day this week). Now that I think of it, I am really looking forward to the weekend when I can relax a little.

    I really enjoyed putting on my suit for class yesterday. I knew that my evening class was ending after three months, and I wanted to celebrate it. I was not entirely impressed when I saw the grades on their end of class quizzes though… I truly hope that all of them will study hard for the exam before they take it. As for my daytime class, the two really boring and grueling days are done, and tomorrow we can start with some labs and hands-on stuff, instead of just eight straight hours of lecture (which for the last couple of days was then followed by 3.5 more straight hours of lecture).

    This morning I was going to put on my blue sports jacket, but instead decided to wear my vest. I decided that I really like the look, and while this vest is at the very limit of my being able to wear it (it was tailored to me 80 lbs. ago!) I can get a couple more uses out of it… and when I go to the tailor for new shirts in a few weeks, I will order at least one and probably two more!

    It is funny that I woke up this morning, did my morning rituals, got dressed, and took HRF Princess Sophie for her walk, and it was only as we were coming in from that walk that I realized that I was scheduled to go to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I panicked for the three seconds it took me to realize that I was nowhere near late, and then I took Princess Sophie upstairs (she insisted on going to see Sue) and then I got into my car and drove to the doctor’s. I told the nurse as I was preparing to step onto the scale that if the number read at or below 129 kg then I would be celebrating because I would have hit the fifty kilos lost milestone. I missed it by 200g – I weighed 129.2 kg. I was hugely disappointed… until I realized that meant that in the past three weeks since my last official weigh-in I have lost 4.6kg, and that includes a trip to Dallas where I cheated a lot. I changed my tune and called it a huge success! While that ‘official’ milestone will need to wait another couple of weeks, I look forward to smashing it, rather than just eking by.

    Yesterday afternoon I was feeling weak and hungry, and my body told me that I needed my meal replacement now. I do not remember that happening too often these last few weeks. This morning (it is now 11:55am) I am again feeling a bit hungry and a bit weak, but I am going to wait until my class breaks for lunch… unless I really feel that I need it. I am planning this because I know that it will be a very long day, and that while I have been teaching now for 2.5 hours, I have another nine hours of teaching to go. I cannot cheat because if I do, I will likely find myself with an empty tank way too early in the evening. My plan for the day is, once again, to stay on the course and not cheat. If I can get through the day, I know that tomorrow is a shorter day (which is to say that I am teaching from 9:30am until 6:00pm, rather than to 9:30pm), and I will be able to get through it with greater ease… and if the weather cooperates, I might even be able to enjoy a cigar on the balcony with my wife (over video chat). I am, however, looking forward to the weekend in a way that I have not in a very long time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 347–January 1, 2023

    Happy New Years to one and all! It is usually at the end of the year, rather than at the beginning, when we reflect on the past year. After sitting and chatting with Eduardo last night, I have been thinking back on it. 2023 was a great year and a troubling one. I married Leslie, I lost over ninety pounds. During my weight loss journey (which is ongoing, and at the current pace will take another year) I wrote in this journal every single day (although I missed a day on the blog because I forgot to press Publish). I have had some professional ups and downs, but I am still standing. Fortunately, my career as an IT Trainer is still going strong… despite some bad bumps on the road.

    All has not been sunshine and roses though. I experienced a lot of downs. Knowing now what I do, many of them were caused by outside interference, and many more by my only recently diagnosed ADHD. These were all very difficult, but I am hoping that with therapy (which resumes next week) and medications (which started last week, but which I hope to be able to increase my dosage of this week) I will be able to navigate my future in a much more positive way.

    Yesterday I spent a few hours with Lyle and Dorothy. As promised, they served a homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch which was quite tasty. We exchanged holiday gifts, which was quite sweet. They really are very thoughtful people. I am sitting at my desk with my new Montreal Canadiens mug, which was only one of the eight Chanukah presents they bought me! We sat outside and talked for a couple of hours before I went home to take care of a few things that needed to be done. I arrived home and realized that Princess Sophie had been dognapped! No, not really… her friend Charlie asked his Mommy to pick her up, and they spent the afternoon together. By the time she came home, she was wiped out!

    I enjoyed the soup, but it was not as satisfying a meal as I hoped for. By 4:00pm I was hungry, and I made my usual chicken and salad. I made an Israeli salad with tomato and onions. It was quite tasty! I am not sure why I held the lettuce; it probably has something to do with a photo I saw on my Facebook Memories. Either way, I will likely be back to my regular scheduled salad with my lunch today.

    I did some work on the computer that I have been meaning to do, and then at 6:30pm I was ready to head out to see Eduardo. Her Floofness wanted to go out first, so we went for a quick walk (which included taking care of all of her business). I was not going to deprive her, especially since it was raining in the morning, and she held it in much of the day without an accident. I spent a few hours with Eduardo, and then was home (as predicted) shortly before 10:00pm… in time to take the Princess out for one more walk. I then spent a couple of hours on the computer until a minute before midnight, when I texted Leslie that I loved her, and then shut down my systems.

    While I did have the soup and then a full meal, as well as some nuts at Eduardo’s, I do not think I went overboard. I think that for my first ‘back on track’ day, I did pretty well. My goal is to keep doing better, and that this year – 2023 – will be the last year that I will ever have to do a crazy intense diet. I know I will have to work on getting slim this year, and then work on staying slim every day for the rest of my life. I do not have the genes that some people have that lets them eat without gaining weight, so if I want to be thin and in good shape, it will have to be a constant in my life. I am not saying that I will never be able to have a cheat meal… only that I will not be able to fall back into the bad habits which plagued me for the past twenty-seven years. Also, I will have to work hard to stay in shape, which means not only from a dietary standpoint, but also from a physical activity one. I do not know if that will forever mean going to the gym, or fitness walking, or Taekwondo, or a combination of these and other activities. I just know that my obesity is only partly caused by my love for fattening foods, and it could have been held in check had I always remained active.

    I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, but for today my bathroom scale is reading all over the place. The numbers ranged from two pounds up from yesterday to two pounds down. I was able to get two consistent readings at that lower number, so I accepted it. I am, once again, half a pound from my best-weight-yet territory. Considering I did not really veer from the program yesterday, I think it is best to start the new year on a positive note. Again, I will be weighed on the doctor’s scale on Wednesday, and that will be my next official weight. For now, I can be as angry as I want with my bathroom scale… or rather, with the floor of my apartment which is absolutely terrible.

    Assuming that the bathroom scale is reasonably accurate this morning, it means I have two major milestones coming. First, I am only 3.5 lbs. from breaking under the 300-pound mark; after that, I have only another five pounds to go before I can honestly say that I have lost one hundred pounds. I confess that if it were not for life getting in my way (and myself getting in my own way) I had expected to hit both of those milestones in early December. Okay, I dealt with all of the crap I had going on, and now it is time to buckle down and lose more weight. If I am truly a creature of habit, then I can look at the past year and realize that after four months of weight loss I had lost forty-five pounds, and then plateaued for about two months. I then lost another forty-five pounds and plateaued again for a little under two months. If that is to be a pattern, then I do not mind getting down another 45-pounds between now and late April. Unfortunately, it is not so easy for me to sit on the plateau and know I will indeed follow the pattern. I also have to be careful to not aim for it, because while it would be nice to be down to that weight, I am trying to get into a healthy lifestyle, and by forgetting the pattern I could skip the next plateau altogether. We’ll see. In the meantime, I just want to press that elevator button to start going down.

    I had a very frank discussion with Lyle and Dorothy about weight loss, and especially how important it is for him and me to continue on our parallel missions to get healthy and lose weight. I told him that until his recent stroke, he and I had a very dangerous problem: we were extremely obese, but otherwise we were perfectly healthy. Of course, that is not entirely true, as is demonstrated by my gout and his stroke, but on the surface, it seemed that way. We discussed the importance of regular medical visits and checkups, including heart rate monitoring but also bloodwork and more. I am glad that I have been checking in with my doctor every month (and occasionally more frequently than that), and for my American readers who may believe the Republican propaganda bemoaning the condition of the Canadian healthcare system, I can vouch that it is both extremely efficient, and completely free.

    I suspect that stores are closed today, but that matters little as I have everything I need in the house. I took Princess Sophie out this morning, and of course I will do so again later in the afternoon. Between now and then I will likely have a lazy holiday Sunday. The only actual chore I have to do is to shine my boots, which needs to be done quite regularly during the snowy months. Aside from that, I will relax, watch some TV, maybe read a little bit, and possibly study some Torah. We’ll see what the day brings. I am sure that at some point there will be a cigar or two in the mix.

    Have a great day folks, and happy new year!

  • Day 319

    I was almost perfect on my program yesterday, and yet my weight is up nearly a pound from yesterday. It is so frustrating, but I also know that weight loss is about the trend, and not the individual dots on the chart. I will keep at it today. I am going to be out for a lot of the day, to Milton for the first match, then Cambridge for the afternoon… where I hope they will allow me to watch the second match on one of the several televisions in the cigar lounge. Other than that? I just have to stay on track and keep my eyes on the prize.

    Aside from my weight this morning, yesterday was a resounding success. I went to the walk-in clinic, where they prescribed the same meds that had my knee feeling better a couple of weeks ago. After three pills so far, the pain is gone! That does not mean that I will stop the course of treatment… I want to keep the pain away. I went to the lab to have my blood sucked by the vampire, and while I waited, I went out to the pharmacy in the lobby to fill my prescription, telling them I would collect it after my appointment. I was halfway home by the time I realized I had not done so and would have to double back. No matter, I continued into Burlington, where I filled my gas tank, filled my empty propane tank, and stopped in to Sleep Country to redeem my warranty claim on my mattress. The new one will be delivered next Monday.

    From there I doubled back to the pharmacy to collect my pills. As it turned out, the doubling back was not out of the way. While I was in Burlington, Sam called me to invite me to his cousin’s place to watch the match and to smoke cigars. It was truly a great afternoon; the cousin (Tony) and I got along very well, and I doubt this will be a one-off visit.

    Off to start my day all! There’s football to be watched.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 318

    My psychological and emotional pains continue to haunt me. I have to find a way to peacefully get past my hurdles. I said months ago that there would be a point where I need help, and I think I have reached that place. I have reached out to a therapist I used to work with, and hope that she can help me to continue to get better and to grow. I do not think these issues are what are stopping me from doing better on my weight loss program, although I am sure they are a contributing factor. I do know that five years ago, when I first lost all of my weight, she was able to help me.

    Yesterday did not go terrible, but I could have done better. For example, I could have eaten part of a challah roll… instead of two of them with peanut butter. I think that was my only transgression. I finally relented and let Eduardo give me a bowl of Thai chicken curry soup. While the nutritional values were not listed (which I thought very strange), the ingredients did not seem overly dangerous. There was a lot of chicken in it, which is not a bad thing.

    My plans for today are waiting confirmation from a friend of Eduardo’s. Either we three are going to spend the afternoon at Sam’s cousin’s house, or Eduardo and I will watch the afternoon match at his apartment. Before that, I plan to go to the walk-in clinic. My knee has gotten bad again, and I need to have it looked at. Assuming it is the same issue I had before (gout), the temporary solution will be another round of anti-inflammatory meds. With that said, I am hoping the lab is open today, so I can also get my blood work done. If it is not, then that will be my plan for Monday morning. While I will have to miss one of the football matches, my health is more important. I also suspect that I will not be watching tomorrow’s matches, as I am visiting with Ryan and his crew… and while they consider themselves sports fans, that really only means they watch American football.

    Unless things go bad at the walk-in clinic (which is to say, if I have a five hour wait) then I will also go to Sleep Country to arrange for my new mattress to be delivered. My warranty claim was finally approved last night (I received it at nearly 8:00pm), and while I have been sleeping comfortably on this defective mattress for over a year, I do not know how long it will take for them to deliver my new mattress… I want the new mattress to be here in time for Leslie’s next visit (25 days from today).

    Okay, I just spoke with Eduardo, and I am going to hit the road. First stop: Walk-in clinic. After that? That will depend on a lot of things, including timing and the next call I get from Eduardo.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 308

    Today’s was an expectedly disappointing weigh-in at the doctor’s office. I know these last two weeks I have been taking a much laxer and cheat-friendly approach to my weight loss, and that is partially because of the utter agony I was in for ten days, and partly for other reasons which I will not rehash here. I know that in two weeks time – at my next weigh-in – I will be back on track.

    My knee is still bothering me, but much less that it was just two days ago. This morning I took Princess Sophie for her walk, and we did the long walk around the park for the first time in a couple of weeks, just because it was the first time that I could walk the 2,000 steps without being in utter agony. Also, I would think, because Her Floofness has been completely unimpressed by the onset of the cold weather and snow, and this morning the snow had melted (it was warmer yesterday), and though it was chilly, the wind has died down and the sun was shining.

    Yesterday’s dinner was homemade chicken soup with matzoh balls. I am so happy with how the soup came out, although my matzah ball technique needs some work. They tasted great, but I want to work on the size and consistency. That will come with practice. I am just glad that I had not disgraced the name of my ancestors by making lousy chicken soup. There are some things that every Jew should know!

    This afternoon we will drive to Cambridge to spend a few hours at Ryan’s cigar lounge and man cave (the heated garage). I am looking forward to seeing my friend who I know has been suffering from a few issues and can use a friend to talk to. The cigars will be a secondary benefit… although a real one!

    Team Canada squares off against the Belgian squad today, in our first World Cup match since 1986. I remember watching that last match (I was laid up in bed with a broken leg and watched it in the comfort of Donnie and Iris Hersh’s condo). We did not score a goal in that (or any other) match. Our Mitch’s-adult-life World Cup debut has us facing the top ranked team in the world, but I am still hopeful. After all, if Saudi Arabia (ranked 51st) can upset Argentina (ranked 3rd), then hopefully Canada (ranked 41st) can upset Belgium (ranked 1st). I will not be watching the match. Not only is Leslie trying to avoid the World Cup, I know that everyone at Ryan’s hates soccer. It should not be an issue today.

    My plans for today are to not go off track too badly today. I will limit my snack intake and will be good. After all, I seldom overeat when I am smoking cigars! Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving, and while it not a holiday here, Leslie has the day off, so she and I will go to Lyle and Dorothy’s for dinner. We have been looking forward to that – they are absolute magicians in the kitchen, and we know that dinner with them will always be our best meal of the week. We are also looking forward to catching up with our friends.

    Have a great day folks!