Losing a part of me

Category: Exercise

  • Day 421

    Yesterday was a day off from exercising. I had a relaxing morning at home, and after Leslie and I had lunch I headed to the cigar lounge where shortly after lighting my cigar, I got a wonderful surprise. My son the elder, with whom I have not spoken in several months, reached out and we had a thirty-minute video call. It was wonderful to see his face and catch up with him about so many things. The odd thing is that while we discussed so many things about our lives (including my recent diagnosis of ADHD, and the progress I have made on the medications), one of the most important, relevant, and front-and-centre topics of my life did not come up. I did not say to him that since he last saw me (probably in October) I have lost fifty pounds, or that my total weight loss is 128 lbs.… and I don’t know why. I was going to send him the before and after picture which I posted just yesterday, but I think I’ll just let him see for himself. He told me that at some point in the near future he will try to make time for us to sit together to share a dram and a cigar. It is amazing to realize that the little boy that I met when he was nine years old and adopted shortly thereafter is turning twenty-five on Sunday. How time flies! The grains of sand in the hourglass flow one way only, and they flow at their steady pace no matter our attempts to retard them.

    The response I received to that before and after picture is amazing. Hundreds of people liked and commented on it on the two Facebook support groups that I am in, and it drove over eighty hits on my weight loss blog. To put that in perspective, the previous week had sixty hits… not per day, rather a total of sixty hits! When my professional blog was in its prime, and I was posting on a regular basis, there was a day when I was sitting in a conference room in Phoenix, Arizona when I got a notification that my blog stats were blowing up. It had been given an award that had been published in a magazine, but the magazine had forgotten to notify me about it. This was the same level of ‘blow-up.’ My professional blog went from 200-250 hits on an average day to over a thousand hits on that day in Phoenix. The difference is that with my weight loss blog, today the stats will go back to normal… which is okay, I don’t mind! I reach certain people daily, some people occasionally, and others once or once in a while. I write for me, to keep myself accountable to myself.

    From the cigar lounge I went to Whole Foods because they were having a special on sockeye salmon marinated in a mango glaze which both Leslie and I thought sounded very tasty. I also picked up a head of cauliflower, which I prepared before my class started. I cut a quarter of it up, drizzled some olive oil on it, then Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning (a favourite of Leslie’s and mine), and a little bit of shredded cheese. I put the mixing bowl into the fridge until my class break, at which point I put the fish into one tray of the air fryer, and the cauliflower into the other. With ten minutes left in class (and while my students were all completing their in-class assignments) I turned both sides of the machine on so that as soon as class was over we could eat. This fish was much tastier than my recent attempt at ahi tuna, and the cauliflower was tasty as well… although I suspect most of the cheese melted to the bottom of the pan and ended up not getting to our plates. Still and all, it was very tasty!

    Unlike the previous evening, I opted to stick with my non-alcoholic iced tea to accompany my cigars, and it paired better with the second cigar than the first. I did not make this decision because I had not exercised, I just did not feel I needed the alcohol. Once again, Leslie and I spent a very lovely evening on the balcony enjoying each other’s company. We both know that until I get my visa, these nights together are precious and too few to waste. We both hope that it will not be too much longer to wait.

    I mentioned to Leslie yesterday that I expected, after yesterday’s tremendous drop, the bathroom scale would likely take a couple of ounces back this morning. It did not. In fact, it gave me another drop, and I am again in best-weight-yet territory. I am now under 7 lbs. from beating my best weight from 2020, and if I continue to lose at an average of .4 lb. per day, I will achieve that by April 2… a full ten days ahead of the time it took me nearly three years ago. This morning the comparative pace to that time was 6 lbs. better now. I do not plan to slow down.

    Speaking of weight loss (this is, after all, a journal primarily about losing weight, right?), I am thrilled that after the initial ‘shock’ from travel and from the first-night cheat meal I have recovered all of the weight that I had gained, and I weigh 2.5 lbs. less than I did on the morning I flew to Dallas. While my stated goal was to gain no more than two pounds during my trip, I also knew that on my last trip I had lost over three pounds. I was hoping to repeat that trend, even though I knew I would be eating (comparatively) indulgently during the trip. At this rate, even if my weight stays the same from now until Sunday, I will have bested my stated goal, and actually lost weight again. Leslie told me that she is relieved that being with her does not cause me to gain weight. I am too, especially knowing that I have had partners in the past who were less than encouraging with my weight loss efforts. When I told her yesterday that I was expecting a weight gain this morning she told me that she just hoped that it was not significant, and that I stayed below the 270 lbs. mark, which she knows for me is a psychological trigger. The difference between gaining one pound and going from 268 to 269 does not have nearly the same psychological impact that would gaining .2 lb. and going from 269.8 to 270. At the rate I am going, it is not impossible that I might actually drop to 265 by the time I leave… but that would be a lot to hope for.

    It is a rainy and blustery day in Dallas, not at all conducive to jogging outside. As such I am going to make my first trip to the gym in the apartment complex. I do not know all of the equipment that they have, but Leslie tells me that it is all nice and modern. I will decide when I am there what I will do, but my first attempt at a ten-kilometre jog will likely have to wait another day or two. I can run on a treadmill, but I do not know if I would jog that long on it. We’ll see. In the afternoon we are going to do some work on a system that we both want to learn a bit more about, and which I will probably write a blog article about for my professional blog before we are done. I know we both love that we are in the same profession and can talk shop, but the fact that we can occasionally work together to figure something out that will benefit both of us… that’s really cool to me!

    We will be going out for dinner. I do not know where yet, but we will pick something that will suit both our tastebuds as well as my dietary needs. Tuesday evening we were planning to go for Indian food, until we realized that the restaurant she had in mind likely did not have anything suitable for my dietary needs. Everything that she would have recommended to me would have had meats prepared with dairy, which is a no-no for my religious beliefs. She told me this restaurant did not have a great vegetarian selection, and that the dishes that would have been suitable would likely have been too spicy for me. If that sounds strange for a man who enjoys spicy foods (and who used to win hot-pepper-eating contests in the Army against Moroccan and Yemeni soldiers), I answer that Indian food has always been my nemesis. I was essentially force-fed spicy chicken curry by my mother as a very young boy and hated it from the beginning. As an adult I went to India but came home with dysentery. All this to say that if Leslie is going to re-introduce me to Indian food so that I will enjoy it, we should do it carefully. I love her for understanding me!

    Mindfulness is the order of the day… and exercise. I am heading out now and will do my best to get in a good workout, and then after my shower I will pick up salads for lunch. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 419

    It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood… albeit still a bit chilly. I stayed close to home yesterday. While I did go out to pick up salads for our lunch, I was not feeling up to going out for a jog. I felt that my knee was asking for another day’s rest. After lunch Leslie and I took a much-needed nap after I woke up so early, and it was a relief. I am not sure I would have made it through my class last night without it. I did not sleep much, but I did spend an hour with my eyes closed, and I felt much more refreshed once I did.

    All of my Amazon orders arrived yesterday, including my new belt and shoes – which are truly gorgeous, and different from anything I’ve ever worn before. Even though I was not leaving the house, I did wear them last night to teach. The shoes are extremely comfortable, but also very stylish. My wife (who picked them from a selection of five that I showed her) has impeccable taste!

    After two successful bowel movements these last two days my weight was down .6 lb. this morning, which is a relief. I am not really worrying about it this week, other than to keep an eye to make sure it does not get out of hand. With this morning’s drop I am back within that two-pounds guideline that I set for myself for the trip. I am also ever so slightly further away from the Obesity Class II category that I was so happy to be out of – yesterday morning my BMI was back up to 34.9 which is the outer limit for Class I. This morning it is back to 34.8. Phew!

    I prepared a lovely piece of ahi tuna last night, but I am afraid I did not do a wonderful job of it. It did not taste bad, but I think it was a little overcooked. I marinated it in lemon juice all day, which might have been a mistake. I coated it with sesame seeds and air fried if for ten minutes. I suspect six minutes would have been perfect. Leslie made the rice which we both mixed with furikake. It was a reasonable meal, although I suspect a smaller piece of fish would be the order of the day next time… along with looking up cooking suggestions. I have to remember that ‘fish’ is not a food, and that different cuts of fish will cook differently. I certainly know how to prepare a nice piece of salmon, but tuna will be a try-again… but try harder.

    Once I press the ‘publish’ button on this article, I am going to head out for a jog. I am not going to push my knee, so at any point when I feel it is straining I will slow to a brisk walk. I would like to reach ten kilometres (combined walk/jog) while I am in Dallas, but I will not consider it a failure if I do not. I know that Friday and Saturday I did 8km and 7.5km respectively, so I am really not that far off the goal. It is much cooler today than it was Saturday, so that will not be a factor (as it absolutely was then). It will all come down to my legs and my lungs.

    When I am back from my jog, I will take a shower and then head to the cigar lounge for a couple of hours. I do not have to work tonight but I do have some paperwork that I need to do, as well as some reading. It won’t be too taxing, and it will be nice to see the boys there. I have not decided if I will have meal replacements, or if I will pick up a salad for lunch. We will see after my exercise outing. This evening I will take Leslie out for dinner, but I will definitely take it easy on the starches… the rice last night was so tasty, but I know it was an indulgence, and not one I should be doing on a regular basis.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 417

    The correction continues! After the initial gain Friday morning of 2.2 lbs., I am once again down .4 lb. this morning, the same as yesterday morning. I am quite content with that. I jogged yesterday, but I also ate a quite a bit, including a very tasty roll (brought from Canada) with our lunchtime (non)chicken burgers, and also some of the chips that the Mexican restaurant brought to our table last night. I tempered both of these though. While I was always going to eat two patties for lunch, when Leslie asked me I told her I would only have one roll for both of them. While eating the chips with salsa, after a few (maybe twenty chips but probably fewer) I said no more… and I did not take a single other chip. That second one is a huge victory for me, considering the last time I cheated was in a very similar situation, with very similar (though inferior) nacho chips. We came home and enjoyed a couple of cigars on the balcony, which was also always in the plan.

    In the morning, after Leslie successfully talked me out of going out to eat, we did pick up our café lattés from Starbucks to enjoy with our first cigar of the day. We have a cigar that just pairs perfectly with the drink, and while it is too soft for an evening cigar (for our tastes) it is a perfect breakfast cigar. I know that the latté is not strictly a good choice, but I am in Dallas with my wife, and I want to share things with her… like this. We have some traditions that we are starting that I hope that we can continue long beyond the time when we are only visiting with each other. A weekend morning on the balcony with a good coffee and a delicious cigar is one of them.

    Thinking I had to earn that running badge from Garmin, I set out for a jog after lunch. The weather here has been strange, and while we were sitting on the balcony with jackets on at 10:30am, at 2:30pm it was hot. I was determined to earn that badge, so even after 3km (at which point it was 85° without a cloud in the sky) I left the jogging activity tracking… even though I switched to a brisk walk. I finished out with 3km jogging and 4.5km walking, a very respectable outing by any means. Of course, it was not until I got home that I realized that the challenge is for next weekend. Grrr. No matter, I got out and I stayed active. I plan to do the same thing every day this week… and I am relieved in that regard that yesterday was an anomaly… the forecast high for today is 66°, and with two exceptions, the long-range forecast does not show it going above 60° for the rest of my trip.

    This evening Leslie and I are having dim sum for dinner, which will be a special treat. In anticipation of that, after our coffee and cigar we are going to a mall where we have a couple of things we actually need to buy, but we are also going to do a lot of walking together. It will be a nice Sunday activity.

    I will mention that I am definitely sleeping better these last few nights than the previous few weeks. I have not taken melatonin or anything else, I am simply sleeping with my wife in my arms, which makes everything better. This morning we both opened our eyes around the same time, and when I asked her what time it was she gasped – it was 10:20am! It took us a few seconds to realize that the clocks had sprung forward for Daylight Savings Time. That does not change the fact that we both got more than ten hours of sleep last night. I cannot remember the last time I was able to do that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 398 (The Real One)

    Somehow, I did it again. I noticed yesterday that I had missed a day. I went back and fixed it in the journal, and later today I will take care of it in the online blog. I have no idea how tired I must have been to just skip a number. Sure enough, both my on-line and off-line entries skipped from Day 385 to Day 387. I’ll fix it today, I promise. Sheesh!

    When I set out for my jog yesterday, I was not sure if I would be able to push myself farther than I did last week. After the previous Sunday’s outing when I was able to jog the first 3km of my route, I was hoping to improve upon that two days later. I could not. I set out on much the same path as I had that day, hoping. After the first kilometre I was unsure if I would even make it to three kilometres.

    If there is one thing they teach you in the Army, it is a drive to push yourself. When I hit the 3km mark I decided to try to make it just a little bit farther… maybe 3.2km, maybe 3.5. I was shocked when I made the turn off of Appleby Line onto Upper Middle, still jogging. The pace for the last two kilometres was as unimpressive as they come, but I logged 4km at a trot, and I am taking that as a win. I stretched the remaining route home into a 3km walk and felt good when I got into the shower a few minutes later.

    One of the women I am trying to support through her journey and I spoke after I got home, and she asked if I felt that jogging sped up the weight loss process. I told her that I do not know, and that it certainly did not prevent a nearly two-pound gain after my run-in with the nachos and salsa last weekend, but other than that, I know that even if it does not help, it certainly does not hurt! It is unfortunate that this morning, after a very good jog and not a bit of cheat, my weight was still up more than half a pound. It is frustrating, but I know it is the downward trend that matters so much more than the individual points on a graph. I also know that I was not able to have a successful bowel movement this morning, which might have made at least a bit of a difference. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in at the doctor’s office, and I am hoping for another good loss… 3.5kg would be huge.

    I am on this giant push to get to my best weight ever. I want to weigh less than I remember myself ever weighing. I want to be in better shape than I have been since I was in the Army, although I know that there is no amount of weight loss or exercise that will ever help me get back into that shape again. I just want to be the best me that I can be. My email signature has the Japanese word kaizen at the bottom, which means constant incremental improvement. I do not have to make huge, giant leaps… I need to make small improvements day after day.

    Getting through class last night was harder than usual. I am not sure that is not because I jogged in the afternoon but did not increase my caloric or nutritional intake. I did not even make myself a cup of tea during the class, which means that my total caloric intake for the day was about 910 calories (between the three cups of coffee I drank I probably had a third of a cup of cashew milk between them, which would be about 8 calories), but I did not have my final meal replacement until after class, which meant that I was working on 685 calories; between the three activities I logged during the day (walking the dog, jogging, then walking) I burned 1055 calories. I doubt anyone will be surprised that I was a little light-headed by the time we took our mid-evening break. I thought about drinking my shake then but decided against it. I did drink a couple of large cups of water throughout the evening, which helped me to get through the class.

    I was exhausted by the time I finished, happy to have my evening meal replacement… which I ate far too late, and which might just be a contributing factor to this morning’s weight gain. I got into bed and spoke with Leslie for a bit, comforted by her beautiful smile and the sound of her voice. I am losing weight for myself first and foremost… but when she tells me about improvements she sees in me – even over the tiny screen of the phone – it always makes me smile. I feel ridiculous saying that when I arrive there is to be a full eighteen pounds lighter than the day I left there, an insignificant loss… when I know that eighteen pounds in thirty-six days comes out to an incredible half-pound-per-day lost. Were I to maintain that pace, I would weigh 210 lbs. by my birthday, and I would let Leslie take me out for a cheat meal without worrying about counting carbs and sugars. Maybe for my 52nd birthday we can do that.

    I am driving into Toronto today for two reasons. I will pick up my meal replacements, and I am helping a community organization with some computer issues they are having. I am happy to volunteer to help them, as long as they understand in advance that my visit is a one-time deal. I know they pay a consultant to maintain their systems, and I have never yet walked into an organization like this one where there was not a board member who ‘knows someone who works in IT’ and who makes sure that person – either a friend or a relative – gets the paid work. They can call someone like me in to advise on more complicated issues, but if I was expecting to be paid for it, I would be holding my breath for a long time… and if I was expecting them to say ‘Oh my G-d, Mitch… you are definitely better than this than our board member’s friend… we are going to fire him and hire you!’ then I might as well expect them to send a unicorn-drawn chariot to collect me. No, today’s efforts will be a one-off, and if they have the wherewithal to give me a charitable donation receipt for my work then I’ll be happy to put that against my taxes.

    I will stay on course today. I may be driving into the city to pick up my meal replacements, but I do not want to have to open the sealed box to take from there. I will bring two meal replacement pouches with me, along with my shaker bottle. How ironic would it be if I were to fall off the program because I went to get my shakes and was not prepared? No, that will definitely not happen to me. Not today. Preparedness and mindfulness will win the day. I am sure the nurse who works at the clinic will talk with me for a bit; she is very nice and chatty. If she asks, I can honestly tell her that since I saw her last on January 16, I have lost nearly seventeen pounds, and since my first day on the full fast, meal replacements only program (January 11) I have lost over 23 lbs., which comes to an average of just over .5 lb. per day. If anyone wants proof that this program works, they can just ask me! Of course, I will also tell her that includes a week in Dallas on my modified program, which makes the pace even more amazing.

    The forecast for the rest of the week does not look jogging-friendly, so tomorrow I am going to go to the gym. For two reasons, today will not be a good day for me to get out and exercise, either outside (and it should be a nice day for the morning at least) or at the gym. I have to go into the city, but also, I want to give my body a rest after yesterday’s jog. I know that last week after I jogged two days in a row, I really felt it in my quadriceps for a few days. Taking a break between outings might go a long way to preventing or at least minimizing that. If it does not, then at least I will know.

    Stay on track. Stay mindful. Succeed. That is the order of the day! Tomorrow morning, I will be seeing the doctor who will be happy to see that I continue to make progress. I suspect that if not this time, then one day over the next few visits he is going to start asking me about my plans for long-term sustainability. Platitudes like ‘mindfulness and vigilance’ are great mantras for me to follow, but at the same time I also know that they are just that, and I will have to start planning for a future which includes food… hopefully healthier foods and smarter quantities of it, but food, nonetheless. I expect he will be encouraged (as am I) by my ability to spend a week in Dallas and actually lose weight on the modified program… but what about when the program is completely over? How will I structure my meals and my meal planning? Will I have to go straight to the Internet whenever someone asks me to meet them at a restaurant? Will I be checking the nutritional values of every meal option, weighing the pros and cons? Will I ever be able to sit down at a restaurant, look at the menu and just say ‘what am I in the mood for today?’ Probably not. I am an addict, and an addict who lets himself go just a little can fall off that cliff. I suspect that app that I use that lets me know the nutritional values of every meal and every morsel will be a permanent part of my life. It is a small price to pay to get slim and to stay slim.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 391

    One thing I should have realized yesterday from my disgusting weight gain was that I had not had a successful bowel movement in a couple of days. It was only after I wrote my article – not to mention after my morning meal replacement and a couple cups of coffee – that I had one. I wonder, had I done that in the morning, if I would have fared better. Probably not, but it is nice to think about.

    I got through the day pretty much unscathed. I did not get any exercise in, and the embarrassingly low step count is something that I would have more closely associated with a day when I taught all day and hardly left my desk. I did do a little bit more walking than I had done most days last week because I went to the supermarket to buy distilled water for my humidor. I have to tell you, the deeper I get into my weight loss journey, the more tempted I am to splurge. I am not going to lie, walking past the aisle of potato chips to get to my distilled water did make me think twice, and I had to redouble my focus to not splurge. I know those potato chips would taste oh so good and would scratch an itch that I have been feeling for weeks. I also know that if I give in to that momentary temptation that I will be paying for it dearly the following morning when I step onto the bathroom scale. I already fell off the wagon with the nacho chips and salsa at the restaurant… but those chips are not the type that really tempt me. I have to stay focused and get through the next twenty-three days until I get to Dallas… hopefully ten pounds lighter than I am this morning. If I don’t then I will never succeed.

    My housekeeper (who is also a friend whom I have known for a decade) came over yesterday afternoon, and we were discussing weight loss because she weighs herself every time she comes over… and she does not weigh herself anywhere else. I have not bothered telling her that when she weighs herself with her clothes on, she is not accounting for that extra weight, but I do not want her to think that I am trying to get her to take her clothes off. Far from it! Anyhow, she was telling me how much she wants to weigh ideally, and she discussed some of the downsides to that weight loss. We then discussed some of the pitfalls to any weight loss journey, and I gave her my ‘I can never order Buffalo wings in a restaurant ever again’ shpiel. Fortunately, before I had to tell her anything more, Eduardo came over and we went outside to smoke.

    How wonderful was it when Eduardo walked into the apartment, looked at me, and said ‘My G-d, Mitch! How much weight have you lost? You look amazing!’ If feels great when friends notice. I generally do not like to discuss my journey (and especially the program that I am on) with anyone, he is aware of it because when I was on the program the first time, he and I went on vacation together a couple of times, and he had to be aware of it so that he would not pressure me to eat. Anyhow, he is extremely proud of what I have been able to lose so far. He told me that he has never seen me this thin before, but I told him that in 2017 I was actually about eleven pounds lighter than I am right now. I am close enough to that milestone that he can be forgiven for thinking I am lighter now than I was then. In any event, it was great to see him, and to catch up after nearly a month.

    The numbers on the bathroom scale dropped only slightly this morning, likely because I did not get any significant exercise. I will try to make up for that today; I might go for a jog later in the day when it has warmed up. When Princess Sophie and I went out for our walk this morning it was gorgeous and sunny… and it was still -2° outside. With a forecast high of 9°, it should be a brilliant day to hit the road again. I am not at all displeased that my appointment to help someone with their network in downtown Toronto was deferred until next week. Not only can I jog during my freed-up afternoon, but it also means that I can have a wonderful and relaxed video date with my wife this evening without worrying about rushing home. It is, after all, Valentine’s Day, and she is my beshert. She told me that I should be expecting a parcel from Canada Post sometime today, and I am really excited to get it! I know that she received her Valentine’s Day gift a little early, but she loved it and her getting it earlier does not detract from the sentiment of it.

    My plans for today are to get my hair cut, and then see if I can get my sunglass lenses taken care of. I will not bore my readers with the details of that. After that, depending on a number of minor factors, I will likely go out for a jog/walk. I know that Sunday I was able to jog 3km before pulling up and walking the rest of the way. It would be great if I could make it to 4km today, but whether I do or I do not, I know that it is most likely irrelevant to my weight loss. What is most important is that I am getting out and exercising, and no matter if I jog two or five kilometres, it is still better than not jogging at all. I also suspect that by finishing the >6.5km circuit, by jogging or walking, constitutes a huge success. Additionally, I will stick to my full fast program and only consume my 900 calories, plus my pot of coffee. I am not lecturing at all, which means I do not have to worry about extra coffee (or tea), or lozenges. While I realize that all of those are likely insignificant it at all relevant to my program, today is a day without them which means I am full-bore on the program.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 389

    I did not expect that.

    As I was driving home from Toronto yesterday afternoon, I was amazed by how beautiful the weather was, and I decided to try to actually go for a jog. Yes, in the morning I decided on the spur of the moment to jog lightly with my dog… but that was an ad hoc thing. I came home and called my wife, and while I drank my midday meal replacement, I told her of my plans. She told me to make sure I did not hurt myself, which is certainly a possibility when an obese man of my age decides to go for a jog. I dressed warmly in layers, I took a bottle of water, I laced up my shoes, put in my ears, and off I went.

    Because of my fitness walking, I know the approximate distances of the routes I usually take, and I opted for the shorter of them. I was not sure how far I would be able to jog on my first outing, and I decided not to try to push myself. I also decided to not jog through the park; while the sidewalks are dry, there are a lot of icy patches on the paths that I had to be careful on this morning, and I did not want to get hurt – I promised Leslie!

    I am not sure if I am proud that I got as far as I did, or disappointed that I did not go farther. I do know that I jogged for twenty minutes at an average pace of 8m11s/km and came close to 2.5km overall, before stopping the jog (and my counters). I re-started the counters to walk the rest of the way home, which was just over 3.75km (with an average pace of 10m14s/km). I will say that while I was certainly dressed warm enough for the jog, the walk was chilly. I do not know if that was because I was not generating the heat, or because the wind picked up. It could absolutely be one or the other of those. The next time I go out for a jog in similar conditions, I will pack a scarf that I can wrap around my face if necessary.

    After I showered, I had a lovely cigar date with Leslie. We really enjoy spending time together, which I suppose is the whole point of getting married, right? The distance is frustrating, and while we are counting down the months until the State Department approves my visa, we are also counting down the days until my next visit. We now have just under twenty-five days until then, and they will be twenty-five very difficult days of separation. Why does flying have to be so damned expensive?? Why can’t the government just look at us and say ‘Yep, you are married to an American Mr. Garvis… come on in!’?? Such are the things that test a relationship.

    I am happy that I was able to stick to the program again yesterday. A friend wanted me to drive down to Niagara to join him for dinner and drinks. While I usually would, I decided I did not want to sound like I was making excused, and I told him that I was on a strict diet and was neither eating nor drinking but would gladly sit with him while he did. He told me that he would rather put off getting together until I was able to indulge. Frankly, I am glad that he said that. I did not want to drive to Niagara, but I really did not want to be tempted to break my program. A lot of people might say that ‘hey, after two jogs and a walk today, you deserve it!’ I say that I would rather see the benefits of the exercise on my weight loss, either this morning or tomorrow, and not eat to counterbalance my activity.

    I was feeling light-headed by mid-evening, but I am not sure if that is because of the low-calorie program, or because I woke up so early. I do know that it is the second or third evening this past week that I have felt that. Fortunately, last night I did not have to teach. I was feeling fine on the balcony until it was too cold to enjoy it, and it was only a little while after I came into the apartment (around 7:45pm) that I started to feel weak and light-headed. I am going to have to find a way to get more sleep. For the next two weeks I do not have the same crazy schedule as I did, so I will be able to take a nap during the day. After that, I have another week of 12-hour days. Hopefully by then I will either be more used to the program again, or at least I will be sleeping better.

    I will be breaking the program today for one meal. My son the younger wants to go to Lone Star Grill for lunch, and I took a few minutes to look at menu online. The Grilled Chicken Fajita Bowl is 810 calories with 35g of carbs, and I can eat half of it and then pretend to forget my doggie bag to take home. Of course, I will tell them to withhold the cheese because of my religious dietary preferences, and probably the rice as well… but even if I ate it all, half of that would be 405 calories, and that is not the worst thing in the world. If that is the only cheat meal I eat between now and my trip (okay, there might be two of these) then I’ll be okay.

    I cannot help but think that yesterday’s jogging contributed directly to the tremendous numbers on the scale this morning. In the previous eight days (Friday to Saturday) I had lost 1.4 lbs. This morning’s day-over-day loss was 1.8 lbs. I was so excited to see that extreme drop that I nearly whooped out loud! I know it is unlikely that I will see consistent drops like that, but when I do it feels good. I am a lot more confident this morning that I will reach my first goal (under 280 lbs. before my appointment with the haberdasher on March 2) than I was just a couple of days ago. Of course, if I can do that, then I must also be more confident that I can achieve that second goal of getting to Dallas on March 9 under 275 lbs.

    If you were to scour through the 350,000 words of this journal you would not find the name of the weight management meal replacement program that I have been following (often more loosely than I currently am). I said at the outset that I did not want to discuss that program by name because one day it would be replaced by something else, and I did not want this journal to be seen as obsolete as irrelevant when that happened. Well, it happened… at least in some places. I received a message from a member of one of the Facebook support groups for the program that claimed that the clinic in Hamilton where I first went on the program has officially changed to another product. She says that the product is similar to the old one, but I am not able to find any information about it yet. I have asked her to share details when she can. Whatever it is, I feel more justified now in my original plan to withhold the name of the product. What works for you should work for you, and nobody should tell you otherwise unless there is confirmation that one program or another has severe negative health consequences.

    It is a beautiful day out, and while it was cold this morning (it is still below zero), the forecast high is 6°, and by Wednesday that will be 15°… after which it drops down to zero by Friday and will once again start rising over the next few days. As I have said so often, if you are unhappy with the weather in Canada… wait a few minutes. I do not think I will be going for another jog this afternoon, but you never know. It is Super Bowl Sunday, and I have been invited to several friends’ houses to watch the game. I have politely declined each invitation, knowing that the food temptations will be too great. That is one of the topics of discussion in the Facebook support groups. My plan is to avoid the temptations completely by not subjecting myself to them. Other feel they have more willpower… or possibly they might be able to get away with just a little bit of cheating. Whatever it is, I am going to be home alone, probably on a video date with Leslie. As I have said so many times before… Lead me not to temptation! I know exactly where to find it.

    My diet buddy is coming over this morning for a cup of coffee. It will be great to touch base with her, knowing that there are so many temptations out there on this the most commercial sports day of the year. She and I started on a similar journey, but I was worried that we would lose that commonality after she had her surgery. I am glad that did not happen, and that we can both continue to support each other. We joked last week that when we are both slim, we should go to a bar together dressed to the nines and see which women check us out… yes, she would be trying to attract women as well. Both of us are married so it would just be an exercise in vanity, but it is still amusing to think about it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 375

    Yesterday was another day which had a lot of opportunities to go wrong, but I was able to stay on track. Leslie is such a wonderful support for that… there were two really bad decisions that I considered, and she talked me down from them both. Those are not good choices! I wanted the cheats… but I did not cheat. For lunch I wanted the same salad as I had yesterday… the seasonal salad that is 500 calories, with 52g of carbohydrates. Instead, I ordered the Greek Salad which has 300 calories and 18g of carbs. We then went to Costco, and as is always the case there on a Saturday, there were plenty of free samples to try. Thanks to my wife, I eschewed them all. This was not because of nagging – far from it! – but rather because she set the example of not having them when offered. Thank you Quetzal!

    We decided to pick up some salmon for dinner, which I prepared with just a bit of lemon juice and a pinch of salt in the air fryer. Leslie cooked some rice, and we put the plates on the table to season as we desire. We both added a little lemon juice, and I decided to put furikake on the rice, and shao kao heat spices on the fish. The flavours were absolutely delicious! I know the rice is a starch, and I know that I ate a little too much of the fatty fish, but I know that I ate healthy, and I was not worried that I would be putting on weight because of it.

    This is the third time that I have done the program in one form or another, and it is the third time I have lost over one hundred pounds. It is the first time that I have a supportive partner to help me, to encourage me, and to kick my butt when I am going to do something stupid. There are two sides of the coin; when I started the program the second time I was living with Liza whose words said she would be supportive, but her actions were absolutely not. Leslie is there for me every step of the way, and when I need help or encouragement, or even that kick in the ass, she is there for me. I am so lucky that my coin landed on the good side.

    Waking up this morning to see another great drop on the bathroom scale felt great. Of the 2.2 lbs. that I gained the first two days I was in Dallas, I have now lost 1.6 lbs. while still eating a salad for lunch and a proper dinner (proper by the definition of healthy and satisfying while not overly indulgent). With that knowledge, I am optimistic that the remainder of my trip will be successful, by the definition of the word that I set down before leaving Canada. My goal then was to gain no more than two pounds on the trip. This morning I weigh 0.6 lb. more than I did on my last morning in Canada… and all of my planned indulgences are behind me. I had my sushi dinner and I had my Chinese meal. We bought enough salmon yesterday to make two meals, which means that most likely tomorrow evening I will make it again. This evening Leslie and I will decide what to eat, but there are plenty of options for us to choose that will not require me to cheat. It is possible that by the time I leave here on Wednesday I might actually have lost weight on the trip! How amazing would that be?

    I realized another non-scale victory yesterday. A year ago I felt pains in my knees walking, but climbing and descending stairs was especially painful. A couple of months ago I realized that walking up stairs was easier, but I was still feeling it going down. Yesterday afternoon as Leslie and I walked to the car I realized going down the stairs that my knees were fine. I remember about a decade ago when I was trying to really get into jogging I was in Montreal and I went for a jog on Mount Royal. That evening I had dinner with friends who are into fitness and I kvelled that I was able to do it. They warned me that I should never jog downhill because it was bad for my knees. I did not understand at the time, but I guess it makes sense. The logic behind that might be the same reason I was able to climb stairs without pain a couple of months before I was able to go down without it. That is something to think about.

    Speaking of jogging, I have been thinking for a few days that I might try going for a jog while I am here. Looking at the weather forecast for the next few days, I would have been much better off doing so these last few days when the temperatures were pretty reasonable. Fortunately for every other aspect of the trip, but not for my plans to jog, I got to spend all of that time with my wife, and when we only have a week together I am not taking any time away from us that I do not have to. The apartment complex has a gym, and I will go down there to see how the treadmill is. I would love to be able to start jogging on a regular basis by the time the weather in Canada warms up. For now, I will go back to the gym Thursday, I will lift some weights, and I will also get onto the treadmill for a bit.

    While it will turn chilly and rainy tomorrow, today’s forecast high is a cloudy 15°. Leslie and I have a few things we plan to talk about, but I do not think we have any serious plans or errands that need to be done. We will have a mostly relaxing day enjoying each other, and yes that will likely include some time on the patio (unless we decide to go to one of our cigar lounges). We slept in and it felt wonderful to do so, as it was to wake up next to my wife. I could not help but think how much less space I take on the bed than I did a year ago… or the first time I came to Dallas to visit (and marry) her in June. As we snuggled a couple of nights ago she popped her head up with a look of concern and said, ‘What is this bump?’ I felt it and realized that it was the bottom of my sternum. She had never felt it before because it was always covered by a thick layer of fat. This is not the first time she has discovered something on me that had previously been buried under layers of schmaltz, and every time she does we look at each other with a huge smile and chalk up another NSV. One day I will be completely slim, and she will be able to feel every bone and every muscle. I am glad she loves me for who I am, because by the time I am done with this too slow but extreme body transformation, I will look nothing like the man she fell in love with!

    I was not ready to get dressed this morning when we decided to have breakfast so I grabbed a t-shirt and threw it on. Only a few minutes later did I realize it was one of my Army shirts that I had brought for Leslie to wear because they have not fit me in years. Each and every time I put on a piece of clothing that was previously in one of the ‘does not fit’ bins I smile. I can do this!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 348

    I feel significantly lighter today than I have in a very long time I say this for two reasons. The first is that one of the times I stepped onto my bathroom scale this morning I was at my lowest weight yet… more than two pounds lower than yesterday (when the scale was equally unreliable, but the weigh-ins were on the same spot on the floor)! That is a good indicator that my completely successful day yesterday (with regard to food intake) works. In other words, when I stick to that program religiously (three meal replacements and one meal) I can continue to lose weight. I know at some point in the future I am going to have to reduce the size of my meal, but for now I am happy that I can get back to this routine.

    I said I felt lighter for two reasons. I had nearly a thousand ‘friends’ on Facebook. Yesterday afternoon I culled that list. It is now down to 245 friends. I have also left two community pages that I created (one for a friend who dumped me as a friend, one for a business I stopped owning seven years ago) and left almost seventy-five groups (many of which were either cigar groups or fan pages). I am still a member of twenty-five groups, and I own two others, but this culling should really cut down on my Facebook noise. Already this morning I noticed as I scrolled through my feed that the content was much more relevant to what I want to see, and a lot less cluttered with crap. There are a few people who I thought about culling but did not – specifically, a couple of people who tend to be extremely right-wing and like to share their vitriol and conspiracy crap a lot… one of them is a cigar buddy, another is a work colleague. I decided to leave them both on my list… for now

    My back is aching again today. I suspect the muscular recovery from my workout the other day is still going on, which is fine… Muscle aches like these are the penance I must pay for having let myself go for so long, and now wanting to be in shape. It is a fair price to pay. My knee is still painful in the night when I am lying down; I will try to remember to discuss that with my doctor on Wednesday.

    Speaking of Wednesday. Normally I would sit down at my keyboard after coming in from my walk with Princess Sophie and start writing my daily entry immediately. As I started this morning, I was interrupted by a slew of emails from one of the companies for which I did a demo teach in December. The entire Account Creation process is more cumbersome than you might think, especially when they are a company that assigns each instructor an email account. I suppose that means this is one of the organizations for whom I will not be sharing my personal contact information with my students, which is fine. Going through all of their material, I was concerned because it looked like they assigned several classes to me, one of which begins tomorrow, another begins (and ends) last month. We got that cleared up when she told me that they only assign me to the classes so that I can have access to the requisite training material. Phew! This was the org for whom I did a great delivery but screwed up one technical item which their technical guy called me on. I wasn’t sure if they were going to fail me for that, but it seems that they are happy with my delivery ability. Yay! This all has to do with Wednesday how, you ask? They originally scheduled me to sit their Welcome Session next week, but the time conflicts with another delivery that I am doing for someone else. They rescheduled it for this Wednesday, which works for me.

    As Princess Sophie and I walked this morning I realized that my pants – the new Size-40 pants that I just bought – might be a little loose. Initially I thought how great it would be if I would fit into a Size-38 so quickly… but realized that as I lose weight, some things will fit and feel different. The larger I was, the tighter I would have to wear my pants… my belt would often feel like a tourniquet around my waist. I am now wearing a Size 40 pants with a Size 40 belt (on the last hole); as I lose more weight, before I start buying new pants, first I will move to the second and then third hole on the belt. Once I realize that my pants really would fall off without the belt, that is when I will buy new pants. No matter, it is nice to feel less constricted.

    My goal for today is to stay on course. I am waiting for confirmation from my Master and friend to see if he is coming over this afternoon for computer help (and to catch up); as much as I love him, he is notoriously unreliable with time, and has what I have often referred to as a casual relationship with time. I told him when we were speaking last night point blank that when he tells me he is coming over, a 30-minute window is acceptable, but a 2-hour window is not. Say you are coming at 2:00pm and show up twenty minutes later, great. However, it is unreasonable for him to expect me to cancel any plans for the entire day (or afternoon) waiting for him to maybe show up… eventually. Yes, I understand that he has things to do and that he is running around, and it is not his fault… but I also have things to do, and when he tells me he will come at 2pm it has in the past meant that my entire afternoon is shot because he will show up… eventually. I have known about this casual relationship with time since the first time we invited him for dinner… Theresa and I prepared everything, and I put the salmon on the grill at 6:00pm, to be timed perfectly with his promised 6:15pm expected arrival time (and in compliance with his request that we not serve meat). At 8:45pm it was without a doubt the driest salmon I have ever tasted in my life. In the meantime, I have done enough work setting up accounts on this new training provider, so I think I will get lunch ready.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 343

    No, I did not do well yesterday. I took my son for Greek food, and while I ordered a salad (which had way too much dressing and cheese on it), I also indulged in the pita and tzatziki. Other than that, I also ate too much turkey in the evening. One advantage of not having leftovers on a regular basis is that if I want to eat more than I cook, I have to actively make the decision to cook more. With leftovers, I simply go into the fridge, add more onto my plate, and I am done. Fortunately, the turkey that I brought home from Cam and Amanda’s will be done today, and I will be back to cooking as usual.

    I do not have any great plans for the day today. I do have a session with my personal trainer, which means that I will spend a couple of hours in the gym, including a good workout, followed by 30-60 minutes on the treadmill. After that, I will spend 10 minutes on the hydro-massage table, then 15 minutes in the sauna. All of that should help my body remember the consequences of getting off track, and why I need to get back onto (and stay on) track for the new year.

    I know I need to get back on track, not only with my fitness but with my diet as well. I also know that Saturday is New Years Eve, and I will be visiting with friends who are gourmet chefs. After that day, I am going back on my program… and will be in the gym as much as I can. I know that beginning the second week of January I will be teaching a lot, which is good… but I will still find time for fitness. While work is important, and as a consultant I need to make hey when the sun is shining, I also need to make sure I am healthy. I want to be alive and healthy for years to come… no matter how down I may get sometimes (see posts from 2-3-4 weeks ago).

    As long as the weather cooperates, today should be a good day to sit on the balcony with a cigar. I am just praying that the wind is not too bad because the temperature will be above the freezing point all day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 328

    I was good yesterday except I had a bowl of homemade soup in the evening. I do not know what the nutritional values are for my soup, but I know that I did not veer from the program at all aside from that, and I know that I gained weight again. My emotions are killing me these last couple of weeks, so I do not know which way is which.

    My new bed was delivered yesterday. I put fresh sheets on it and climbed gingerly into bed around midnight. I did not expect to sleep well, but that had nothing to do with the bed or bedding. I am dealing with a lot of emotions that I am completely uncomfortable with. Nonetheless, once I was able to get to sleep, I was able to sleep through the night. That might mean six hours of sleep, but that is still better than it might have been. My original intention was to have Princess Sophie sleep on the couch, but last night she could tell that I really did need my emotional support animal, and she insisted. Thank you, Princess Sophie, I needed you last night. Actually, what I needed was not available to me. I wanted to climb into a bottle. I wanted to dive into a plate of disgustingly fattening foods. That I did neither of those is a testimony to my dedication to not giving up.

    My plans for the day have only changed slightly. In a few minutes I will leave for the gym. I will work out (first alone, then with the trainer). After showering, I will come home, take Her Floofness for a walk. Depending on what time it is at that point, I will either make my lunch, or I will head straight out to Eduardo’s to watch the football. If I do that, I will make sure I have a meal replacement with me, as I do not want to cheat. I just do not know that I will have enough time between working out and the start of the match to prepare and eat lunch, but we will see. After the match, I will come straight home so that I can be ready for my class delivery. In a perfect world, I will be online by 5:00pm, but that will depend on a lot of factors. I mentioned yesterday that if the game goes to extra time and then penalties, as hard as it will be, I will have to leave Eduardo’s at 4:30pm at the latest. Yes, my Argentina squad is playing in the semi-finals. Yes, I am extremely invested in that emotionally. No, I am not willing to compromise my professional integrity and reputation for a football match. Go Argentina! Work must still take priority.

    However terrible my weight issues have been, I have to consider it a huge victory that through the emotional turmoil that has been the last couple of weeks I have not slipped. Yes, my weight this morning is still up from yesterday, and I have not made any progress these last two weeks… for someone who is used to emotional eating, the status quo is a huge victory. No, I have not made progress… but I have also not fallen off the wagon (or cliff, as it were).

    A project that I have been working on the last few days is nearly done, and it has to do with letting go of the past. I have been cleaning out my e-mail. It started because I realized that on my phone, when I would search for e-mails through subfolders, I had scores of them that were no longer relevant… former contracts, old jobs, and so on. I have always kept them all within my account so that I could access them whenever I would need to… and in truth, I do search old emails regularly. The benefit of being able to do that on my phone was outweighed by the sheer heaviness of the ten gigabytes of stored messages (including myriad attachments) in my active email account. I did not want to delete them outright; as I mentioned, I do need to find things from the past from time to time. Instead, I created an Archive mailbox, and have been offloading messages and sub-folders into that. I did not realize how complicated that would be, but owing to the sheer volume, it has not been a simple ‘press here, dummy’ operation. The project has allowed me to see a lot of old emails (some dating to my previous marriage). One email from three years ago even reminded me that an uncle asked me to try to find a picture of someone. Three years ago, that ask was impossible. This week, I was able to search through old photo albums (many of which had been in storage in Ottawa at the time of the original ask) to find pictures of a long-deceased aunt, which my uncle had wanted to add to the family archive. Cleaning out my Inbox has been cathartic. I did not exactly throw anything out, but I have been putting it into long-term storage, which I can call up when I really need it… but which will not bog down my day-to-day.

    Okay, I have put off the inevitable long enough. It is time to head to the gym. My knee was hurting in the night, but it was not the gout (which might or might not be gout), rather the familiar pain I have had these last couple of years when I sleep on the wrong side. To make that issue less simple, the correct side is not a constant. Isn’t getting old fun? Anyhow, I have taken my anti-inflammatories this morning, and I do not feel any pain as I prepare to head out. Nonetheless, I do plan to remind my trainer of two things: 1) We have to take it easy because of the knee; and 2) I am going to stretch before my workouts… but it will not be the stretches she recommended. I will follow the KISS principle. As I mentioned yesterday, any stretching routine that requires me to watch YouTube videos each time I go to the gym to remind me of what they are, and which make me concerned I am going to lose my balance and fall and injure myself, is simply not realistic. I do not want to be Mr. Universe; I simply want to be the best me that I can be.

    Have a great day folks!