Losing a part of me

Category: Friends

  • Day 573

    Despite a small cheat yesterday afternoon I was able to wake up this morning and cross a number off on my fridge. Again, it is borderline… but 258.0 is lower than yesterday’s 258.2, and I need the motivation this week. A small victory might just be the success I need to get through the week.

    I originally thought to follow up with mentioning my streak in the bathroom, but before I got to that paragraph, I finally felt that urge. It was 10:00am and I had my breakfast so I would not be able to re-weigh myself, but I am quite certain there would have been at least a minor adjustment. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am thrilled to be back on the program (modified though it is) and I am going to stick with it and get back down to my best weight ever… and then start moving that number downward. With that said, there was always something to be said for the regularity of my morning bowel movements that I am not currently experiencing. For the record: I still hate writing about bodily waste in any of its forms, but it is relevant to my weight loss journey and so be it.

    My son the elder gave me wonderful news yesterday. He graduated with honours from law school. It is difficult to express how proud I am of him. It is also hard that it comes as I have made the difficult decision to stop chasing after his affection. I love my son dearly, but I am tired of being mistreated and disrespected. I truly hope he comes back to me… but I am done playing his games.

    I went to the supermarket yesterday evening, knowing that I was low on eggs and milk. The only additional item I picked up was a handful of peanuts which I know I should not do, but I honestly think that by doing so I was encouraged to not look at any other possible cheats on the shelves. As I walked past that aisle, I thought briefly about Goldfish crackers and mini crisps, but knowing that I had the peanuts in my shopping basket I did not even walk into the aisle. I still see it as a transgression, but maybe the occasional strategic cheat is not such a bad idea sometimes.

    My friend who was meant to come over for a cigar on Monday should be coming today. It will be great to see him… it has been too long. While it is not why I invited him, I know that while we are smoking, I will not be tempted to eat/cheat. He is coming around 1:00pm so I will have my midday meal replacement directly before that, and my second shake before I start teaching this evening. As is usually the case, I will finish the day following my class when I will have my third and final meal replacement of the day.

    After yesterday’s cool and rain I am happy that the forecast for today is sunny and warm. I did sit take my computer outside to study yesterday so that I could enjoy my cigars while doing so. It was raining but there was no wind, so I was mostly not worried; I did have a bit of a concern when I saw the lightening flashes but did not feel that I was truly in danger. Besides, it was a very high quality cigar that I would have had to sacrifice!

    Damn, I realized I have to go back to the supermarket. I am out of raw sugar; a few weeks ago I decided to start putting a very small amount into my coffee again, and so far, I do not believe it has negatively affected my progress. If that changes then I can cut it out if needed but I do not anticipate that happening soon.

    My plan for the day is to stay on course and to stay mindful. How hard can that be, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 528

    I looked at yesterday’s post online and had to laugh. As I sat on my balcony with my morning coffee and cigar, I tried to use voice to text to write it, and the Jetpack app (which replaced the WordPress app) kept deleting what I wrote. I finally gave up and started typing the article out… which was not going any better. In the end, I opened a Word Document and typed it out, and then copied and pasted the text into the app. Nevertheless, parts of the remnants of my app frustration remained. I decided to leave it in to remind me of the humour… and how frustrating technology can be sometimes. (I copied the article into my journal but did not include the repeated text and the aborted paragraphs. Sorry reader, you might have to go searching online for my blunders!)

    Yesterday was Canada Day. As a proud Canadian I was happy to celebrate. My first act of celebration was to sit on the balcony with a cigar, chat with my diet buddy, and then enjoy my coffee and cigar with a book. At one point a parade of vehicles turned into the street flying the Maple Leaf, with one of them blasting O Canada on repeat. I stood and waved (especially to the police and firemen, but to everyone really) and then went back to my book. In the afternoon I would drive to Strathroy to see my god kids and their parents, and it was a truly lovely afternoon and evening.

    I was worried that the scale would not be kind to me this morning. After all, I had a couple of fruit on my way there, I ate a hamburger and a hotdog for dinner (in addition to the salad and potatoes), and for dessert I had a decadent chocolate plus two much less decadent Oreo cookies. Add to that a bag of chips and then a protein bar (late at night), and I was not hopeful. I was not expecting, after nine straight days of weight gains, to see it drop by 1.4 lbs., but it did. I was relieved because I was flirting with the dreaded 270 lbs. If I can drop just a few more pounds this week then I can get to 265 lbs., and I can see my birthday weekend celebration as one last opportunity to be guardedly free with eating… before I revert the next week to a much stricter meal program.

    I am hoping that a couple of friends will come over for cigars this afternoon. We have discussed it briefly but until Sam says ‘Yes I am coming’ I never hold my breath. This is not due to unreliability, rather a busy schedule with family responsibilities and such. I left a message for him and would love to see him. If not, then I will spend a lot of the day on the balcony smoking and reading. The muscles in my legs are still sore from Friday’s outing; combine that with the light rain that is predicted all day and I think I am going to give them another day to recover. The forecast for tomorrow is also rainy, but as far as I can tell it will not be heavy and I might still be able to get out. Tuesday through the weekend promises to be much more agreeable, and I will walk if I do not jog.

    I started writing this article hours ago and have been distracted by all sorts of things since. I have come back to it six or seven times, which is quite embarrassing owing to the brief length of it. I have two dogs playing who have insisted on attention or treats, or who have just been a loud and cute mess the last half hour. They will join me on the balcony for my cigars.

    My food plan for today is to make chicken for lunch, and then for dinner I will enjoy the leftover salmon from Friday evening. With lunch I will likely make a salad, while dinner will be accompanied by rice. If I can stick it out and not cheat, then tomorrow morning I might just see another successful number on the bathroom scale.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 526

    I saw my doctor this morning and she is a nice woman. We talked about what my situation is and she is extremely proud of my weight loss progress. While I have gained nearly 5kg since my last weigh-in, I was certain that would be higher so I am relieved. I am in a really crappy mood this morning – everyone wants a piece of me, so I have to prioritize. I am also not able to eat because of my schedule. I will eat when my friend goes home.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 492

    There were three reasons I doubted today my mostly consistent weight loss would continue this morning. 1) I cheated yesterday. 2) I have been having trouble moving my bowels these last couple of days. 3) I decided last night very late (11:30pm) to have my last meal replacement, even though the plan had been to skip it because of my cheating. I made this decision because the meal replacement shakes are my best conduit for added fibre, which I decided (after a painful and failed attempt in the bathroom) was necessary. I am going to address each of these issues individually, but first:

    I did it. This morning, despite my expectations that I would not drop, the bathroom scale reported my weight at 250.0 lbs. It is a huge milestone, a threshold on which I have never, in all of my attempts to lose weight these last twenty years, stood. If I am able to stick to the program today, then tomorrow morning’s weigh-in might actually be in the 240s. I do not remember ever being there before. I am almost breathless with anticipation!

    Okay, so now that I have that out of the way, let me address the three points from my first paragraph:

    1. I love teaching. Technical training has been a passion of mine for years, and I truly enjoy it. When training went online and I had to accept that my students were not in front of me, I adjusted and found ways to make the best of it. My daytime class this week (I taught an evening class as well) was a group of military members who try as I might I could not engage. It felt like I spent the entire week speaking to an empty room. Add to that I did not plan my timing as well as I usually do, so the last day (yesterday) was a mad rush to finish. I got through it, but it was extremely stressful. As I drove to Hamilton for my evening plans (cigars with friends) I was hungry, even though I had my third meal replacement of the day less than an hour before. I know now as I knew then that my hunger was emotional, but it did not matter. I broke down and stopped at Bulk Barn to buy peanuts to eat in the car. I feel guilty and ashamed of it, but I doubt I would have made it through the evening had I not done so.
    2. As I have written about previously, one of the effects of a full-fast program with liquid meal replacements is that there will be days when I do not move my bowels. I do not think I had a good poop since Wednesday, and that can affect weight loss in the short term for sure. Unfortunately, read the next point.
    3. Last night I felt the urge to poop, and I tried… hard. It was painful, and I was unable to succeed. I realized that my solid waste was too solid and would need some help. It was past my bedtime, and I never like to eat (or whatever the term for ingesting a meal replacement is) that late, but the shakes are my usual conduit for fibre. I had originally skipped my fourth meal replacement of the day in lieu of the cheat-peanuts, but I needed the fibre… badly.

    I still managed to get to where I wanted to be this morning on the bathroom scale, even though I suppose when I had said I want to hit 250 I probably meant I wanted to be below 250… but I am at the mark, and I am happy with it. I will do well these next couple of days and I will drop below it soon enough.

    The reason I waited so long to take the fibre is because when I was taking it before I started having bowel issues that scared me… two weeks of diarrhea led me to get off the program until I was able to see my doctor and make sure I was safe to resume. My solution then was to do a partial program, where I would have shakes but I would also have enough regular solid food to regulate my system. I am probably 5-10 pounds away from making that decision anyways, so it is something I am going to start thinking about more.

    I am driving out to Strathroy today to see my buddy who has been sick. I also get to see my godchildren while I am there, and I am really excited. I wish I had thought to pick up presents for them, but honestly this week has been a shitshow. I will do my best to stay on track with my program and will make sure I have my meal replacements and my shaker bottle with me. On my way home I will drop in to have a cigar with Ryan in Cambridge. All in all, I will be doing a lot of driving today… but I will also get to see some friends I don’t see as often as I wish I could.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 459

    My clothes are in Canada. For the last few days (since I got the initial notification from the tailor on Wednesday) I have been tracking the progress of my custom clothes which I am really excited for. From the first notification from the shipping company, the predicted arrival date was to be Monday (tomorrow), and that has not changed. Since the day Leslie and I decided to get married next weekend, I have been hoping that they would arrive in time for me to take them with me. While the only piece that I will wear to the wedding is one of the shirts (I am wearing a suit), there are numerous other events and occasions, both in California and then in Dallas, for which I will want to dress up. I would have done fine with my older stuff, but I am happy that the new wardrobe will be available. Tomorrow they shall arrive!

    I was reminded yesterday of when, as a teenager, I finally got rechargeable batteries for my Walkman. It was exciting that after a minor investment I would no longer need to spend a fortune on batteries. I was surprised then to discover that, unlike alkaline batteries (which would start to lose power gradually, resulting in your music playing slower), the lithium batteries worked great… until they did not, and the music would go from full speed to nothing. I thought of it because in the morning my Body Battery measurement on my fitness watch was at 82, but by the time I got to the gym it had plummeted to 47. My treadmill running was cut off at 3km, although I did then walk another 2.65km to make sure I would reach my steps goal (thus extending my streak to 13 days). I came home and made myself a meal replacement, but then a couple of hours later (by which point the measurement was down even further to 19) I decided I needed food, and I made myself the last pieces of salmon I had in the freezer and a plate of rice. While my jogging is great for almost every aspect of my health and fitness, I see a direct correlation between the quality of sleep I get to the Body Battery, which as I have stated over the last few days is quite real.

    Before any of that, I took my son the younger for lunch at his standard Lone Star Texas Grill. I had the same fajita bowl as I usually do but opted instead of the chicken to try the steak on it. It costs a couple of dollars more, but the nutritional difference is negligible. Why not, right? It was quite tasty! I did have as many as ten tortilla chips, but I did not lose control on them which is a huge victory. My son was not at all in a talkative mood, so we essentially ate quietly. I was not offended – aside from him being on the spectrum, he also did not sleep well the previous night, and was visibly exhausted. I don’t mind being able to spend time with him though, whether or not he is chatty. I appreciate every moment we have, especially knowing that when I eventually move back down the USA it will be harder for us to spend time together.

    While I slept marginally better last night than the previous, it took me a long time to fall asleep, and what I got was not enough to really energize me for today. My Body Battery when I woke up was a mere 66 and has already dropped to a 61/100. I am hoping that I will be able to get a good jog in before I lose any motivation and energy. As I have done on the two days when I could not complete a 5km (or better) jog, if I find myself unable to continue then I will slow to a walk; whether I am running or walking, I will extend my steps goal streak to fourteen days today. Her Floofness wanted to go for her full tour of the park today, so I am already a quarter of the way there. While it is cloudy, the temperature is currently 8° and there is no rain in the forecast, so I am going to jog outdoors. I am not sure if running outdoors gives me more motivation to continue than I have at the gym, where I often find myself bored (especially if the audiobook I am listening to is not grabbing me). I suspect that has been the case of late, so when I am able to, I will stick to the streets. The forecast for the next few days is pretty stable, with rain predicted for Wednesday. I will still likely go to the gym tomorrow, if only to give the invoice for my new lock to the general manager. I don’t think I wrote about that, but the staff cut my (very expensive) lock off when another member mistook it for his own; thinking that the battery was dead (because his fingerprint was not accepted) he asked the staff to cut it open. The other member was at fault, which was compounded by his not telling anyone when he realized that it was not his locker. No matter, I bought a new lock, and the gym had better pay me for it.

    A buddy is coming over in the afternoon for a cigar, and it will be good to see him. He was supposed to come on Friday, but he was not feeling well. He is feeling better today, so that is our plans for the afternoon. I am only hoping that between now and then I am able to get my jog in and not collapse when I get home!

    My plan for today is to try to stay mindful. I have not done a great job of staying on the program the last week, and while I was doing fine yesterday, I do not think I would have made it through the evening without having the meal. A am glad despite all to be only .4 lb. up from yesterday, and 2.4 lbs. up from my best weight ever from last Friday. It should take only 2-3 days of faithfully sticking to the program for me to get back there, and hopefully by my next doctor’s appointment (Wednesday) I will be there. This morning’s weight on the bathroom scale is lower than it was the morning of my last appointment… but only marginally (about half a pound). If I can lose three pounds from now until Wednesday, then at least I can be nearly two kilograms down; if I can then maintain that until the next day then I will be able to fly to Dallas at my best weight ever. With all of that said, if I do not have the energy to make it through the day then I will not be a hero, and I will make myself a piece of chicken… or something.

    Okay, enough of this procrastinating. I am going to try to reach the bakery to pay for the wedding cake, and then I am going to suit up for my jog. It is hard to believe that the wedding is a week away!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 458

    I killed it on my jog yesterday! Not only did I do the whole ten kilometres without so much as a pause, but I did it faster and stronger than I ever have. My eighth, ninth, and tenth kilometres were 7m28s & 7m27s. Every other kilometre was under 7m15s, with my first ever kilometre clocking under 7m (6m57s on the third kilometre). I truly surprised myself, surpassing my best expectations. I am not going to lie, that Body Battery measurement is either no joke, or a real psychosomatic trick!

    I decided to pull up at the 10km mark. I should mention that there is always a slight discrepancy in measurements between my fitness watch and my phone, so I always finish the 10km on both, and then use the slightly higher measurement for my records.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1km (5.00km)
    • Duration: 1:13:18 (38:30)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 7m15s (7m41)
    • Steps: 11,654 (5,900)
    • Calories burned: 1,300 (525)
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 159 (153)

    I am now in the top 14% of the 2023 challenge, ranked 20,276/146,133. I suspect that one or two more jogs will get me into the top 20,000, but I am not checking to see how many people above me are within reach. I am rather surprised to see that in my age bracket I only today cracked the top 20%, ranking 5,033/26,064. Once again, I am less concerned with how I am faring against others and more concerned with doing better today than I did a week ago.

    After I pulled up from my jog, I was still 2.25km from home, and I walked the rest of the way. I am feeling good… and if I did not have things I had to get done, I likely would have kept going. The better me is on his way!

    My only cheat on the day was a cup of milk tea and half a dozen dried apricots which were laying around. I should not have eaten them, but I did, and I own up to it. They are the last of what I bought at Bulk Barn yesterday, and I will not be going back before my flight on Thursday. I am taking Gilad for lunch today so I might have to eat something, but I will not be going nuts on it.

    I was in the middle of writing the following sentence: ‘A close friend is going through some stuff right now, and his wife asked me to drive out to visit him in the afternoon.’ When my phone beeped with a message that he was admitted back to the hospital last night. I am worried about him, but that also means that I cannot go to see him today. This is a blessing in disguise, as the two hour drive each way would have not been convenient today. I would happily do it and will do anything I can to help him or her. Frankly, I would make the drive happily if only to hug both of my godchildren. However, I have a 9:30 meeting with my diet buddy, followed by lunch with my son, and with the four hours driving and a few hours visiting, I am not sure how I would have been able to fit my exercise in. I am currently on a twelve-day steps-goal streak (my best ever since switching to Garmin in 2019), and I would be quite happy to keep extending that for a few more days. I cannot imagine that it will last through the wedding (Friday Leslie and I are flying to California, and the schedule gets busy from there), but even if I get it up to seventeen or eighteen days, I will consider it a huge success.

    The weather is not conducive to running outside today which means I will be at the gym for my running. While it is forecast to stop raining around 3:00pm, I am not going to plan my day around the accuracy of a weather forecast. I bought a new lock (identical to the old one) and printed out the invoice to give to the General Manager of the club. It turns out it was less expensive than I remembered, but that does not make it a cheap mistake. With taxes the total is a few cents shy of $60, which I will gladly take in gym credit. I am tempted to print out a sheet to wrap around it that says ‘THIS IS NOT YOUR LOCKER! DO NOT CUT THE LOCK!’ but I cannot think of a good way to make other gym members not snicker at that.

    As I mentioned, it is raining this morning. It actually started sometime during my class last night, which means that Princess Sophie had zero interest in going outside. We got to the front door, and she slammed on the brakes. She did the same thing this morning, which means that sometime in the next few hours she is going to break down and say ‘FINE! I’ll get a little wet, I just gotta pee.’ I will have to watch her when Julie is here, but she is generally a good girl and has not had an accident in the house ever unless she was sick… and that only happened once or twice.

    I was quite happy when the bathroom scale reported another loss of 2.6 lbs., taking me down to within 2.2 lbs. of my best weight ever from last Friday morning. If I stay on track, I might actually get to the 250 lbs. mark by the time I fly on Thursday, but if I do not then I will not be disappointed… as long as I am below 255 lbs. which I hope to hit again tomorrow or Monday morning.

    I have always been bad at keeping track of how different foods affect my body. I do not mean that I gain weight from some foods and lose weight from others. I know that these last couple of days I have had only meal replacements and a few peanuts and dried apricots. Both yesterday and today I had very comfortable and productive bowel movements, and I am wondering if the handful of dried apricots were a contributory factor to that. I will never go overboard on them, but I will keep this in mind the next time I am a little backed up.

    My plan for today is to stay mindful. I do not know where my son the younger will want to go for lunch, but I am not going to use it as an excuse to fall off the wagon. Yes, I will eat something if I have to… but I will not be gorging myself, and I will be ordering smartly. After I drop him off, I will drive straight to the gym so that I can work off whatever excess carbs I ate… and of course extend my streak. Despite a less than ideal night’s sleep, my body battery was up to 82/100 this morning. While I am not as charged as I was yesterday (when I was ready and eager to run even while walking Her Floofness), I will still have the energy to get a decent workout in. I would love to spend some time in the studio working on Taekwondo, but my elbow is still bothering me, and I am not going to push it. I will continue my lower-body workouts for now and hope that my elbow continues to improve before I start trying to throw punches and blocks with that arm. As long as I can get through lunch with my boy without falling off, then the rest of the day should be smooth sailing.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 440

    My next appointment with my doctor is one week from today, and I have a couple of things that I need to discuss with him before I continue on the program; rather, whatever I end up deciding with regard to the program, I need to discuss them with them. I am not concerned that my weight is likely to be up from my last visit – rather, it is likely going to be the same, as I had lost a few pounds before regaining the few pounds. There is a reason I made the decision at the beginning of this journey to be monitored regularly by my physician; most of our meetings have been progress reports, but I know that it is impossible to lose this much weight without changes to the body, and while most of those changes are positive, there was bound to be one or two negatives in there. Welcome to Negative #1.

    (I am also interested in the results of my ultrasound, but that has been an issue for months, and is not nearly as urgent as the other things.)

    When I sat down to write this entry, I was feeling a bit dejected because I did stick to the plan yesterday – I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a piece of fish with cauliflower for dinner – and I still gained a tiny bit of weight. I would have mentioned that I did enjoy a gin and tonic with my cigar last night, but that was the only change. I had even had a bit of a bowel movement in the morning, which has been the case almost every day. I had eaten my cereal and was in the middle of my coffee when the urge hit… I went to the toilet and had the first really substantial BM that I have had since the hemorrhoids started. I would normally never get onto the bathroom scale after having my breakfast, but I made the exception. Even having eaten, the weight that I had gained from yesterday was reversed. It is a relief to know that if I eat like I ate yesterday I might not lose weight, but I will not gain weight either. If that is what my maintenance will look like going forward, then I will be able to keep the weight off when I am where I eventually want to be.

    I met a really interesting man yesterday. He is a member of the Facebook group that I run for cigar lovers, and since he lives in this city I decided to reach out and connect with him. We sat at the lounge for three hours enjoying cigars and conversation. What makes him so interesting is that he is a Southerner who is quite right wing (I am a political moderate) and a devout Christian (I am Jewish)… and we sat and had long, respectful discussions about issues on which we do not agree, but we did it respectfully. It is so wonderful to know that with all of the extremists in this country (and in my own) who refuse to listen to the viewpoint of the other side, two people who do not agree can have respectful discourse and enjoy each other’s company. He and I will definitely be staying in touch.

    I hope to get back into running today, or at least walking. I have a few things that I do need to get done before that happens, but if I can head out for an hour this afternoon, I will be quite pleased with it. I know that had I been able to do so the last few days I would not have gained nearly as much weight as I have. The blister on the bottom of my foot is still… there; while I feel it, it is not painful as it was the last couple of days. I will make a gametime decision on that; if I decide not to go today, then tomorrow I will absolutely be hitting the trails (so to speak).

    My plan for today is to eat reasonably. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and will have a salad for lunch. Dinner is still up in the air, but Leslie and I will have something nice. This evening is the last night that I can eat chametz before Passover starts. While the holiday only starts tomorrow evening, it is customary to stop eating anything not ‘kosher for Passover’ around noon tomorrow… and knowing how bad the breakfast cereals I have been enjoying are for my weight, I will cut that out as well and make an omelet or something. I have always loved breakfast cereals, but I will be better off when they are an occasional indulgence and not a regular part of my diet. There are many aspects to the weight loss journey, and one of them is changing my habits and how I see different foods.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 433

    A good buddy of mine has lost a great deal of weight in the past year, and posted a picture of himself online showing how his old belt no longer fits. I am so happy for him, and many of us commented positive feedback. He replied to me privately that he knows that I do not like to share my progress publicly, but that he and his wife are also extremely proud of me. It is ironic that people feel that I am not public about my weight loss… I post an article about my progress and successes (and struggles and failures) every single day). I just do not want to share it to my public Facebook feed, where I am going to be bombarded by questions about how I did it… and suggestions on what I should be doing. The questions about how do not bother me, but geez folks, do you really think that telling a man who has lost the equivalent of a whole person’s weight what he should be doing to lose weight? Those comments just piss me off, are the reason I do not post my progress.

    My day went well. Firstly, the car ended up taking half an hour and cost me $40. My transmission is fine, but there was a garbage bag melted onto the bottom of my car, which accounted for the burning smell. While we still have no idea what caused the gearshift issue Sunday, we suspect it was likely a freak anomaly of some sort. When I take my car back in to have the tyres changed mid-April, I will have them flush the transmission fuel, but in the meantime, he suggested I keep driving as I would without worrying. All of this was a tremendous relief… I suspected the issue might end up cost me thousands of dollars!

    From there, I went to the gym… following a text conversation with an old Army buddy. It is always great to catch up with old friends. Hopefully we will have more time to talk soon. While I would have liked to do more, as I was walking into the gym, I got a call asking me for a meeting at 4:00pm. Okay, then I kept it short, taking the opportunity to calibrate my new fitness watch. As it happened, I could have spent another 90 minutes on the treadmill because the 4:00pm appointment was pushed to 5:30pm… and even with that, he was 20 minutes late, which meant that I had seven minutes to talk to the guy before I had to go teach my class. All in all, that is probably not the way to impress them… but then again, they have now four times proven to me that they have no respect for my time, so I don’t know that I’m that disappointed.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 7.4km (11km)
    • Duration: 53:41 (1:27:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m16s (7m57s)
    • Steps: 8,165 (13,750)
    • Calories burned: 1,000 (1,400)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 152 (155)

    My class went well, and then I got a text that was so tempting that I could not resist doing something completely spontaneous. More details on that next week! Yes, I know… that absolutely negates the point of spontaneity… live with your disappointment for the sake of discretion. I have to make some changes to a few things, but next week there will be some excitement!

    Okay, so I have decided to set a new timed short-term goal. I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning. I am four pounds from achieving it, and I have four days to do it. I am going to jog every day, in addition to returning to Taekwondo (Tuesday and Thursday evenings, starting tonight). I am going to stick strictly to my full-fast program, and I am going to do it!

    Next week is the start of Passover, and I have already bought my matzoh (which will be very well-traveled by the time I crack the box open). I will be celebrating the holiday of course and observing it to the best of my ability. It is one of my favourite holidays… and not just for the food! The LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, and he did bring plagues onto those who did enslave them. It sounds to me like a good story for a good Israeli soldier. With that said, I am going to prepare a traditional charoset for some of my people to try. I have never made it before, but as I have gotten a bit more comfortable in the kitchen (and with all of the people who would previously have prepared some of my favourite Jewish dishes gone from this mortal coil) I figure I should give it a try… if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can do it! Oh, and there is the minor coincidence that it is (and always has been) one of my most beloved treats that you only get for two days out of the year!

    Once I finish this journal entry, I have a few tasks to do, and then I will go to the gym. In the afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, followed by my haircut. The company I interviewed with today asked me my availability for the rest of the week so that might change… but knowing how they have scheduled and rescheduled and delayed the last two interviews I strongly suspect that my plans for the day will not be interrupted. We shall see though, right? One never knows. In the evening, my diet buddy is coming by around 5:30pm, and we will share our first meal replacement together ever. It will be too late for coffee (unless I don’t want to get any sleep), so a chocolate shake will be the order of the day. I was told today in no uncertain terms that I had better get my rest in preparation for the spontaneity. Late-night coffee is not in the cards this week! Of course, after that I will go to my first Taekwondo class since the summer… it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to jogging in the morning and then doing martial arts in the evening… and at a lower weight than I have been in over twenty years!

    Leslie mentioned today that she missed our Saturday morning cigars and latté dates. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… we are going to coordinate so that we each pick up our lattés from our local Starbucks and we can make it work… even if it is in the Rectangle Zone. I am literally counting down the days until we can be together again, and the number is always too high. I really miss her and hate that we have to be apart. Hopefully, the next time we are together I will be at my lowest weight ever… I really love that every time she sees me, I am so much lighter than the previous time. I want to keep succeeding for her… and of course for myself.

    My morning got away from me. I had a lot of small issues to take care of, but a couple of them took much longer than expected. I am almost ready to go, but I do not know that I will be able to go to the gym… at least, not for as long as I would have liked. I have packed everything that I need for the gym (as well as my Taekwondo kit) to take to the car, and I will head out. I should remember to take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment). As long as I keep my eye on the clock, I should be okay, but I should head out now.

    What are my plans for the day? Stay focused, stay mindful, stay on track. There is no way that I will get onto the plane Saturday morning at my best weight ever if I veer even a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 411

    I wrote yesterday morning that I was ‘…on the fence between going out for a jog for the next hour or getting back into bed for that hour.’ I decided to suit up and head out. I knew stepping out the door that I was not going to try for another 11km+ foray, but I figured that if I wanted to try to minimize the possibility of this morning’s weigh-in being up from yesterday’s, there was a better chance if I got at least some exercise in before the drive to Cambridge. I did set a couple of personal bests, but that was not the point of the outing.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 3.04km (6.3 km)
    • Duration: 24:51 (51:52)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 8m10s (8.14s)
    • Steps: 3,800 (7,900)
    • Calories burned: 800
    • Elevation gain: 29m (84m)
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (153)

    Walking

    • Distance: 4 km
    • Duration: 42:14
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m32s
    • Steps: 4,900
    • Calories burned: 526
    • Elevation gain: 12m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 116

    It was nice to get out, especially knowing that it is the second day in a row that I was able to do it. Hopefully I’ll be able to do it again today. The weather will not be as nice as today, but we will see. When I took Her Floofness out, she did not want to go beyond the front lawn, where she did her business, and then politely but adamantly insisted we go back into the building. In a few weeks we will be beyond the cold and snow and salt on the pavement, and dogs will be happier because those signs of winter hurt their paws. As for myself, I would like to get out for another jog… even if it is a short one.

    I wrote yesterday as well that I was fully expecting that after the tremendous drop from the previous day that my weight would either stay the same, or more likely it would sneak up a couple of ounces. In fact, it dropped .4 lb. which might be my body trying to make things right for the frustrating plateau that was last week… or it could be reminding me that sticking to the program, as well as getting out and exercising, are the combination that will lead to my ultimate success.

    As planned, Princess Sophie and I spent the afternoon with our friends in Cambridge, which was really nice. I see one of them a lot more often, but a couple of them I had not seen since December. It was great to catch up with them… even though a lot of the time we just spend watching TV and talking about nothing in particular. Even though they (they are a couple) got engaged since the last time we caught up, beyond a quick ‘congratulations!’ to them, most of the talk was about pets and stuff.

    I am chomping at the bit to start packing my suitcase. We talk about ‘counting down the hours…’ well in sixty-six hours I will be getting into an Uber that will take me to the airport. I might get five hours of sleep, but likely will not because of the excitement and anticipation… and because I have to teach until 9:30 Wednesday evening. I am holding back because every Israeli is taught that you never pack a suitcase and leave it unattended. I do not care how secure my apartment might be… but I might just take my suit and a few shirts and put them into a garment bag

    I woke up this morning and lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. It was only when I moved to kick out that I realized that my leg muscles – particularly my quadriceps – are really feeling the effects of my jogging. While some might call it pain, I realized as I lay there analyzing it that it is not actually that… it is just a bit of an ache that is reminding me that I need to stretch before heading out. I know, I should not be neglecting that. As a martial artist I know how important it is, and the fact that I neglect it so often is absolutely on me. I promise I will spend a few minutes stretching before heading out this afternoon. I promise myself!

    I have a few thoughts that I plan to share today in a separate article, so I will sign off now. The plan for today: 1) Stay on track with the program. 2) Try to get out for a jog. 3) Do some studying for my next exam. 4) Stay focused and stay mindful!

    Have a great day folks!