Losing a part of me

Category: Plans

  • Day 227

    My streak is broken. Yesterday was the first day since January 20th that I did not post an article on my weight loss blog. I began to write the piece, I got distracted by shiny things, and I did not go back to it. I assure you that it was not because I was failing with my weight loss. Princess Sophie probably dragged me out for whatever, and I never came back to post what I had written. That will actually take a lot of the pressure off… yes, there is a lot of pressure involved when you are on a 225-day streak, and when WordPress congratulates me daily for it! My new streak begins today.

    My bathroom scale continues to be kind to me. This morning, I am 2.6-pounds down from what I weighed Wednesday morning. This despite big cheats on Wednesday and Thursday (with the Salt and Vinegar Goldfish) and yesterday, when I had a handful of peanuts, as well as two meals (the first was my normal lunch, the second was a lovely smoked Coho salmon with tabouli at Lyle and Dorothy’s house, where I spent the afternoon and evening. I am at my lowest weight, and it feels good. I only wish I was with my wife so that we could enjoy it together.

    I have been walking on a tricky ankle for the last few days, which is something I did when I stepped on something at the airport the other day. I know it is not a big deal, but I do want to give my ankle another day to recover. I am hoping that the weather tomorrow morning holds up – there is a 10% chance of rain predicted for the morning, with the chances increasing throughout the day. I would like to go out for a walk, and if it not raining too badly then I can do that. I do not want to get sick, but I also do not want to stagnate with my exercise routine. Fortunately, I know that the Taekwondo club will be open Tuesday (the day after Labour Day), and I will be able to resume my martial arts training… even if the weather outside is not conducive to walking.

    My plans for today are to go to see my friend Eduardo. He wants me to fix his computer, and we will smoke a cigar together as well. The way my allergies are currently kicking my butt, I am wondering if I will be able to enjoy a cigar on his balcony, what with all of his wife’s plants and flowers. We will try though. He also wants to take me out for lunch (assuming I do fix his computer!) and I will have to be careful. I will nix any restaurant suggestions where I cannot stick to my weight loss program. I am really happy with my weight loss progress these last few days, and I do not want to tumble back, just for the sake of a free meal.

    It is a lovely day outside, so if later this afternoon my ankle is not doing too bad, I might try for a walk. We’ll see… I do not want to make that transition from hurt to injured.

    Everyone is asking me what my plans are for the long weekend, and I keep telling them that I do not really have any. I will mostly stay close to home, and possibly see my kids for a couple of hours… assuming they want to see me.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 222

    I did not lose any weight from yesterday, but I also did not gain any. Considering some of what I ate, I will be happy with that.

    Yes, I took an amazing walk in the morning, and got a lot of exercise. I burned calories as I pushed myself in the heat.

    We ate a delicious dim sum meal for lunch, which is truly a treat. I did something that I cannot remember ever doing with dim sum… I left some over. Leslie did not order too much, and when I saw it all when it arrived my first thought was ‘That’s it?’ but of course my eyes are still the same gluttonous eyes that helped me achieve the ridiculously obese form that I carried around so long. Could I have finished it all? Absolutely. Was I sated? Yes, I was. We put the rest away for today.

    Leslie has a great tactic she uses. When she believes I have stopped eating for nourishment, and am now eating out of habit, or because the food is there, she will ask me ‘Why are you eating that?’ If my answer is ‘Because I am still hungry,’ she lets it go. Otherwise, she asks ‘Do you need that dumpling, or onion, or whatever else?’ She reminds me that I am trying to break my unhealthy relationship with food. Yesterday she did not need to do that… with dim sum, one of my favourite meals, I suspect we were both pleasantly surprised.

    For dinner, we had a frozen meal of breaded cauliflower that was a Buffalo wings replacement. They were very tasty, but I suspect the breading is the reason my weight was not down this morning. However, it is a great starting point. I can take the idea of cauliflower wings and replicate it, either with no breading, else with much less breading, and add my signature (hic) sauce to them. That, good reader, will be a healthy and appetizing meal sometime in the future!

    Lunch today was the leftover Chinese foods… what little there was left from Saturday evening and from Sunday’s dim sum. It was tasty, but likely not very healthy. At least by enjoying them at lunch, I will be able to burn off the calories (and especially the carbohydrates and starches) by the time bedtime rolls around.

    After more than five weeks, my teaching contract will come to an end today. I had a really great time with these students, and this morning I received high praise from the school for which I am teaching, as well as from several of my students who are sorry to see me go. Alas, tomorrow they start learning subject matters that are outside of my expertise, and while I could fake it… I hate doing that. I wrote them all a very nice thank you note on our shared Slack channel… and tomorrow I start looking for my next contract. In the meantime, I will take the opportunity to enjoy my downtime, and will relax a little. One of the first things I did this morning was to disable my wake-up alarm!

    Last night I sat on the balcony reading. I am absolutely loving my new e-book reader that Leslie bought for me. I have always been able to read my e-books on my tablet, but when the sun is shining, the glare is insurmountable. The e-book reader solves that issue, and is a wonderful and thoughtful gift which will get a lot more use than just on airplanes!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 220

    I ate a couple of things yesterday that I suspected would have a negative effect on my weight loss. For lunch, I had a Montreal bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese. It was really tasty! In the evening, Leslie and I watched a movie, sharing a bag of microwave popcorn (with Dill seasoning). Again, it was really yummy. I am with my wife, and it is a very short trip. I am not going to go completely off the rails, but I do not expect to lose tremendous amounts of weight this week.

    When the bathroom scale showed me not only three pounds down from yesterday, but also below my 320 pound milestone again, I had to run into the bedroom to share the great news with Leslie. After a very good night’s sleep (the best I have had in a couple of weeks or longer), this was just the icing on the cake. Mmmm… caaaakkkee….!

    Leslie and I are going for a walk this morning. We are going to try to do a five kilometre walk along a path that I am very familiar with. The mercury is already flirting with the 30° Celsius, on its way to a high of 34°. That is extremely hot for Toronto, but not really for Texas. I think Leslie will make it just fine, and I am not expecting to break any records, just keep pace with her.

    Later in the day, we are going to go to the Asian markets… there is a Japanese store that we love, and next to it there is a Japanese bakery. We need a few things for the house, and Leslie needs bread for her son. Both will be easily accomplished there. Who knows? After a wonderful walk (and on a day my weight is at its lowest point ever) we might even treat ourselves to a Japanese doughnut. The problem is that there are so many wonderful indulgences at those stores, and I can only pick one cheat per day! Decisions, decisions…

    It is going to be another wonderful day with my wife, and I am looking forward to relaxing with her later with a cigar and maybe a drink.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 216

    I confess, it is much easier to state your resolve to stick to the plan than it is to actually stick to the plan. That is how I ended up here, a day before my trip to Dallas (as well as my weigh-in with the doctor’s office) about 3.5-pounds heavier than my lowest weight from just a few days ago. I am glad that after cheating yet again yesterday, I did not gain any weight… although I did not lose any either. Days like yesterday need to be avoided… or at least minimized as much as possible.

    Yes, I finished the rotisserie chicken for dinner (in addition to having my regular chicken meal at lunch). I also had a cookie. No, I did not exercise. Yes, I know this all amounts to not losing weight this morning. I have to stick to the mantra that today I will do better.

    My plans for today are actually quite conducive to doing better. I have a dentist appointment to repair a cracked filling at lunchtime, so I will not be eating as usual. My class starts doing their end-of-class assessment at 3:30, at which point I will prepare my regular meal. I plan to go to Taekwondo in the evening. When I get back from Taekwondo, I will take a shower, and then have my evening meal replacement shake. If all goes well, I will only have two shakes and one meal, plus two consecutive Taekwondo classes, which should bode well for a decent weigh-in result tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping!

    Last night I collected my clothes from the tailor, and before bed I tried all of them on (under the admiring supervisory eye of my gorgeous wife). I was very worried that they would not come out well, but they did. I will easily get another three months out of them… not that I will have a lot of need for them. They are now all packed in my suitcase’s garment bag ready to go to Dallas, where they will stay for a bit. I am only there for a week, but I will be back there three weeks later, in time for the Jewish holidays. I will spend Rosh Hashana in Dallas (and hope I can find a local synagogue to attend), and Yom Kippur in Westlake Village (with my California congregation). In the three weeks that I will be back in Canada, I cannot foresee any even for which I would need to dress fancy.

    Today is the last day of my class, although there are a few more days of answering questions for the students. It will be a more relaxed few days… more so that I will be in Dallas with my wife! It has truly been too long. As I told her the other night, I am sick of rectangles, and need to hold her in the RFZ again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 211

    My weight loss program is extremely important to me, and my routine is fairly important to my progress. With that said, sleep is even more important; without sleep, I do not have the energy to get through the day. I have not been getting nearly enough sleep this past week, and I needed to figure out a way to end that streak. I decided, for one day only, to have a second meal. Yesterday evening I prepared a second meal identical to my first – chicken and salad – and enjoyed it around 6:30pm. I did this in place of the two evening meal replacements, so while I certainly consumed more calories than I would normally, it was not obscenely so. I then spent the evening on the balcony with a cigar, watching television and then talking with my wife.

    Is the extra meal the reason I slept well last night? I do not know. I could have happily stayed in bed another couple of hours, which was obviously not an option. That’s okay… and I am hoping that this evening I will be able to catch up on even more sleep… hopefully after a Taekwondo class.

    My weight was down nearly a full pound this morning, but is still a full 1.5-pounds higher than my low from Tuesday. These corrections are annoying and often disheartening, and I have to remember that it is the downward trend that is important, and frankly the weigh-ins at the doctor’s office. The bathroom scale, which I have known to be notoriously inaccurate, is a bellwether, not expected to be scientifically accurate.

    The forecast calls for a 30% chance of rain at some point today, but if I am going to Taekwondo and not for a walk, that will not be an issue for me. It will affect Princess Sophie, who has never been a big fan of precipitation… she might just step out for a few minutes to pee, rather than taking her full walk.

    I am wearing a golf shirt from the Size-XL bin today, on top of a pair of pants from the Size-40 bin. It feels good to be able to feel my progress with such victories!

    I realized last night that I would be running out of milk, but I did nothing about it. This morning’s first cup of coffee had dairy, but that will be it. I have to remember to pick up a litre this afternoon… and to not get the larger container, as I am going out of town Wednesday for a week.

    I have reached out to my diet buddy to confirm that we are still meeting this afternoon. We are supposed to meet every Thursday, but life often gets in the way. I love having Leslie’s full support, but I hope that Julie and I can touch base today to see how we are both doing.

    With regard to my meal replacements, I realized this week that I was running low, which is to say that I have 36 shakes left. To put that in perspective, at the peak I had twelve boxes, or 168 shakes. I thought briefly about going onto Facebook to buy more, and then decided against it… for now. I have a large case of shakes (84 servings) and a small case of apple cinnamon bars (42 servings) waiting for me in Dallas, and while they are the American formula (which means I have to adjust my schedule to compensate for the caloric differences), there is no reason I cannot bring some of them back to Canada with me… and I will only be back in Canada for three weeks before my next trip, so I only need bring enough to get me through that. Assuming with the American formula I plan for four meal replacements per day, that is 84 meal replacements that I need to bring back. No problem, and unlike here (where I have to buy them on the grey market), I can always order more in the US off eBay.

    Okay, so my diet buddy and I touched base during my break. She is not having a very easy time of it, and I gave her some tips… including the importance of telling people ‘I CANNOT EAT THAT (or THERE)’ instead of just going along, either to please them or because you are embarrassed to say that you are on a diet. It is embarrassing too, because it is vocalizing that you are fat. Also, if you tell someone you are on a diet, you always have to be on a diet with them, lest you slip and they think you are weak. All of those issues are psychological and deeply embedded into us, and we have to let go of them. Yes, it may hurt… but eating a poutine will hurt more.

    It is nearly time for me to get back into class, so have a great day folks!

  • Day 202

    I had a harder time yesterday than I have in quite a few weeks, and I am not sure where it came from. To start with, I had a bowl of popcorn in the afternoon. Thankfully it is the last of the popcorn that I had in the house, so that will not become a habit. In the early evening, after my second shake, I was still hungry. I knew there were bagels in the freezer, and I was so tempted to pull one out, defrost it, and really ruin my diet. To curb that temptation, I decided instead to make a salad. I did not add tuna or salmon to it, only vegetables, salad dressing, and pumpkin seeds. There was nothing satisfying or even enjoyable about the salad… but it did the job of distracting me from the evil bagel, which was the point of the exercise.

    I will also mention that, once again, I forewent my evening shake because of the ‘cheating,’ which is probably why my weight this morning is exactly what it was yesterday, and not up.

    I took a break from walking yesterday, giving my legs a chance to recover somewhat. When I woke up this morning, my legs were achier than they have been in the last few weeks. Sometime last week I realized how nice it was that I was not having the next-day leg cramps that I had at the beginning. I wonder if it is because I had not been giving myself any chance to recover. Either way, the aches are not a bad thing. They are a reminder that my muscles are being used and strengthened, and that is all part of getting back into shape.

    Speaking of getting into shape, I need to have a conversation with my friend who owns the Taekwondo school this week. I do not know how that conversation will go, but I do want to speak with him. My plan right now is to start practicing and re-teaching myself at the park… but we will see how that goes.

    My goal for today is to get through today. I was weak on food yesterday, and I did not exercise. I will try to be stronger today, and if my legs are okay, I will go for a walk. I have other things I need to take care of though… and I do not want to injure myself by not recovering fully. We’ll see at the end of my class.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 201

    I cheated on my food intake yesterday. My weight is slightly up this morning. It would be easy to say post hoc ergo propter hoc, that the weight gain is the result of the cheating. What is more likely is that while I did cheat, I did not go overboard… and weight loss is never a direct and uninterrupted downward line. I am satisfied that I have been doing well on my program, and even though I had a bag of popcorn and two cookies, I am not discouraged.

    I should also mention that while I did eat those things, I did not have my three meal replacements. I only had two, foregoing the last one to offset the calories from the cheating (more from the cookies than from the popcorn).

    One might think that with all of the tubs of smaller-sized clothes that I have that I would not have to buy new for a long time. While that might be true, I do get excited that I am losing weight, and therefore will look better in cool and fashionable clothes. As such, this morning I ordered three new golf shirts that will be delivered to Leslie’s place in time for my next visit in a couple of weeks. There is a story behind the shirts.

    A year and a half ago my Rabbi and friend gifted me the absolute wildest golf shirt I have ever seen. I loved the psychedelic colours that were reminiscent of how the movies portrayed an LSD trance from the 1960s. It remains to this day one of my favourite shirts, and every time I wear it, someone comments on it… either one of my students, or a cashier, or just someone in the street or store. He told me the story of how he came across the company, but I regret I do not remember the details. Suffice it to say, I loved not only the design, but the quality and feel. I also appreciated that when I was at my fattest, it still fit.

    The company has dozens of funky golf shirts, and when I decided to buy new, I went to their website. I picked out a couple of patterns. After checking with Leslie (I do not need her approval, but I like to wear things that she appreciates) I was ready to order two shirts. I went to check out, and they were charging $10 shipping. Of course, there was also a banner on the front page of the site that said they shipped free on orders over $125. Even before the coupon code that Leslie dug up (thanks babe!) I would have been under that, but with the coupon I was saving enough money that I was prepared to buy a third shirt, and free shipping was now applied to my order.

    I can hardly wait to get them… It is exciting that I am dipping below the threshold from which I refused to buy new clothes into the zone where I know that clothes that I buy will now fit me for a few months. Of course, I did buy the custom-tailored clothes a few months ago, and if I am going to continue to wear those, I will have to find a tailor to adjust the sizes. I will look into that this week, so that I can take some of them to Dallas with me in a couple of weeks.

    I had popcorn again today. I am not going to have the cookies that I had yesterday. I am going to try to be good the rest of the day. I am also relieved that this was the last of my microwave popcorn, and so unless I go shopping and choose to buy more popcorn, I am done with that. I do have most of a box of Bear Paw cookies in the cupboard, but those have seldom been a real temptation for me.

    After seven straight days of pushing myself, I am going to take a break from fitness walking today. It is not because there is an 80% chance of rain between 5-7pm, it is because I pushed myself to go further, harder, and more than I thought that I could, and I want to give my legs (and especially my feet) a day to recover.

    A few years ago, my Master and friend told me that it is good to diet, but every so often I should cheat so that I could stay true to my diet. I thought this was a lousy idea, partially because back then I had not tried to change my habits, I was only tried to stop eating so that I could lose weight. A few days ago, Leslie suggested that from time to time it is okay to reward myself with a cheat meal, as long as you do it in moderation, and using common sense. For example, sushi might be a good cheat meal; deep-fried battered and breaded Buffalo wings is not. By using the same logic, eating the popcorn yesterday (and today) is not the end of the world. If I were to make it a habit that I was going to eat popcorn (and cookies) every day, that would be the end of my weight loss program.

    What I am getting at with that is that I should not – and will not – beat myself up over minor cheats. There are myriad foods that are not on my program that I can eat occasionally and sparingly. I just do not want to get into the habit, or do it too often. Once per week is fine, more is pushing it.

    This evening I will not be going for a walk, but that does not mean I should alter my routine. At 5:30 I will finish teaching, and I will make my meal replacement. When that is finished, I will take Princess Sophie for her walk. I have some calls to make after that, and will then sit on the balcony and talk with my wife until it is time for my last meal replacement… and bed. I am planning it out because if I don’t, it would be so easy to fall from grace, as it were.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 199

    Tomorrow will mark the two hundredth day since I made the decision to lose a lot of weight. It was and is a daunting challenge that cannot be taken lightly. When someone is twenty-pounds overweight, they can cut out alcohol and bread for a few weeks, or cut out desserts, or whatever it is that someone who has a relatively minor amount to lose will do.

    My intention – what I needed to do in order to be healthy again – was to lose roughly half my body weight. To put that in terms that will show how unrealistic that felt at the time, I needed to lose the equivalent of a UFC Light-Heavyweight. Look up the current champion, Glover Teixeira, and then think about what it means to lose his entire body weight.

    While I am nowhere near that goal, this morning I hit a milestone; I have given myself more short-term milestones by measuring at home in pounds but at the doctor’s office in kilograms. This morning’s milestones are both in imperial weights – I am both seventy pounds down, and at the quarter milestone of 325.0-lbs. It was an exciting number to see on the bathroom scale readout this morning.

    My friend Eduardo is coming over for a cigar today, and I am going to ask him to take a picture of me in the exact same spot and pose I took my before pictures. I look forward to seeing myself side by side with what I looked like in mid-January. He is coming around 2pm, which means that despite it being a weekend, if I am able to go for a walk, my schedule will not be too different from my working weekdays, in that he will be here until around 5pm, and then I will have a meal replacement shake, and then I should be able to go out around 5:30pm.

    I say in the previous paragraph ‘…if I am able to go for a walk.’ The if is because this morning I am feeling my legs. I have pains in my shins, and no they are not shin splints. They are simply my legs telling me that I am exercising much harder than I have in a couple of years, and that I am doing so while carrying 110-pounds of excess weight (according to the body fat scale app I use, my lean body mass is actually 116-pounds less than my current weight). They are not telling me that I am overdoing it… but that I am approaching that threshold and I should be aware of it.

    While I had set my goal yesterday for a fifty-five-kilometre week, I gave it a bit of thought last night, and again this morning. Fitness walking every day without respite might be overdoing it. I might try to walk 10-kilometres today (making for fifty-kilometres in the past six days), and then taking a day off tomorrow. I am not making any decisions… it will depend on how I feel if I am able to go out for my walk this afternoon, and then how I feel afterwards.

    I will say that over the last couple of evenings, I have noticed muscular definition in my legs that I have not noticed in a long time. It is great to see and feel the progress which results from the combination of eating less and exercising hard. Even on a day with great scale-related victories, those non-scale victories are huge for me.

    Numbers are great; I know numbers, I trust numbers. My emotions need to see progress though… what do those numbers mean where the rubber meets the road. It is nice to know that I have lost the equivalent of a tweenager, but actually seeing the muscular definition was a great boost for me. If I was tempted to succumb to temptations this weekend, that put an end to it. If I am on the fence this afternoon about going out for my fitness walk or not, that will help me to make my final decision.

    I am looking forward to the day because my friend is coming over. Leslie was worried about me when I was shutting myself in and not seeing or speaking with any of my friends. While my state of mind is greatly improved, I am coming out of my self-imposed isolation at a more comfortable pace than could have been. I saw Lyle and Dorothy last weekend; I will see Eduardo today. I am not looking to have a seemingly endless string of get-togethers, and I have not initiated any phone calls or message threads (although I have started accepting calls).

    Tomorrow my son or sons and I are going to Costco, which should be fun. I asked my son the elder last weekend if he wanted to, and when he agreed, my son the younger asked if he could come. That does not mean that he will, but I hope he does. I love seeing them, and watching them grow. Of course, it will usually be an expensive outing for me. I am happy to pay for their groceries on top of my child support, but it can be pricey. No matter, they are worth it. I will also take the opportunity to pick up vegetables, and anything else I might need for the house. Nothing comes immediately to mind, but if I see something, I’ll pick it up.

    The weather forecast for today is sunny and hot. It will not be nearly Texas-hot, but that does not prevent Environment Canada from issuing a heat advisory. As such, if and when I do go out, I will make sure to stay well hydrated along the way.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 198

    I do not know if I could have gotten this far into my weight loss journey without the love and support of a good woman. The fact that she understands my struggles is a huge relief, and has gotten me through many hard days.

    Yesterday evening I wrote an entry that began with four paragraphs of how I was going to pick up a whole lot of really unhealthy foods for dinner. It was a dream sequence, and when that sequence was completed, I decided to space it so that the next line (‘WAKE UP, MITCH! You were dreaming! ‘) would be off the bottom of the page for most readers. I wanted the reader to feel that this was real… as real as the temptation was in me.

    When we sat down for our date, Leslie told me that I had her going, and that while she was reading it… let’s just say that she was not impressed. I told her that I did not write it as a ruse or a joke, but rather as a demonstration that while my goal is to change my unhealthy relationship with food… I am nowhere near achieving that goal. It would have been as easy for me to pick up the Chinese food and Buffalo wings as it was for me to go for my walk. Easier, in fact, because it would have required no pain, endurance, or dedication… only my credit card.

    My walking and weight management routines are still in their nascent stage, and nowhere near habitual. While I do not wake up every morning salivating over the thought of French toast drowning in Quebec maple syrup, I also am not at the point where I am addicted to my exercising. I also know that it would not take much to push me back into my old habits. Even if I were able to curtail the overeating, I would still be indulging in unhealthy foods (mostly take-out) on a daily basis. Otherwise, I might be eating only my own cooking… but eating three large meals per day. The more likely scenario is that I would be overeating a combination of my own foods and the unhealthy take-out… and that only because restaurants do get expensive, and I am not made of money.

    I do not want any of that to happen. I know that I still have a few things I will need to cut out when my current weight loss plateaus. My one meal is larger than it needs to be, and I could cut it down. I will eventually have to cut out milk in my coffee, and sugar or sweetener as well. With regard to food intake, those are currently the only things that are I might cut out if I wanted to speed things up. Yes, I could stop adding pumpkin seeds to my salad, and fewer tomatoes and onions (which are both high in sugar), but that is it.

    As I discussed with Leslie yesterday, there will be days when my weight is up (as it was yesterday), but the science is clear that if I stick with my current regimen of food and exercise, there is no way for me to not lose weight. Before I was ever introduced to my current (rather extreme) program, everyone told me that a 1,500-calorie diet would be an extreme but effective way for me to lose weight. Well guess what? I am not consuming that many calories in a day. No, I am not on the 900-calorie regimen that the full-on program calls for (four meal replacements, nothing else), but I have done that twice, and both times I succeeded until I failed. Thank you, I will do my modified program that is less extreme, but hopefully will show longer-lasting results.

    It is quite the relief that Princess Sophie is feeling better. Last night was the second in a row that she slept through the night; this morning she had her second solid and healthy bowel movement. I am relieved that whatever she was afflicted with is behind her. She had a half-day play date with Charlie yesterday, and I suspect she will be with him all day today at our neighbour Sue’s house. Every loving dog parent wants their fur-babies to be happy and healthy; the five days when she was not were not fun, not because I had to clean up several poop accidents in the kitchen (although there was nothing fun about that), and not because she got me out of bed in the middle of the night (when she did let me sleep at all), but mostly because I hated seeing her unhappy. She is a very proud pup, and I know that she was embarrassed by her needs and by her weakness. I can see it in her eyes that she is relieved to be feeling better.

    My plan for the day is no different from yesterday. My fitness watch has a sliding scale for daily step goals, which I believe is based on your average steps for the last week. Today’s goal is 11,540, and judging by my performance this week I should not have any trouble achieving that. I am going to set a goal though… I have since Monday walked 31.75km, averaging just under 8km per day. I am going to aim for a fifty-five-kilometre goal from Monday through Sunday. To achieve that, all I have to do is average 8 km per day, which is really my baseline now anyways. The challenge is getting out there to do it… and that despite whatever the weather may be. Today will likely be my easiest day – the forecast high is 26° (79°F), and the only rain forecast is before noon. Tomorrow the forecast is mostly sunny with a high of 31°C (88°F), with Sunday being slightly higher, and with a 50% chance or rain. So as long as I am willing to brave the elements, I can achieve that goal.

    I tried to find a reasonably flight to Dallas over the next few days, but last-minute inexpensive flights are very hard to come by. I miss Leslie terribly, and really wish I could be with her.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 197

    It could not last forever. After a seven-day streak of my weight dropping (by nearly six pounds), this morning it was up… and rather significantly, if not disastrously. Yesterday morning the numbers were flirting with crossing a major milestone, which this morning is a full two-pounds away. I know I will get there in the next few days, but my hopes of crossing below 325-pounds this morning were dashed, and I am now a full two pounds from that goal. Tomorrow is another day, right?

    There is a tendency that I remember from my first ever true attempt at weight loss, maybe eighteen years ago. It was not uncommon for me to cheat on a particular day, see no ill-effects the following day, and then see weight gain on the second day. Likewise, if I had a really good day, I might not see weight loss the next day, but the day after I would drop.

    All this to say, I am wondering if the numbers on the scale this morning might be reflecting the bag of popcorn I ate on Tuesday. It probably is not, but it will be interesting to watch for going forward. I know that I has very good yesterday, and my only cheat was a Japanese biscuit after lunch. That was followed by a seven-kilometre walk that saw my fastest cadence (steps per minute) recorded yet.

    I am thrilled that Princess Sophie had, for the first time since Saturday, a solid bowel movement this morning… after sleeping through the night for the first time in that time. Her Mommy and I have been very worried about her, and I was planning to take her to the vet on Saturday if she was not better by then. I am still going to keep a close eye on her for the next few days, but I am hoping she is better. I will say that she had a helluva romp this morning, first with her friend Charlie, and a few minutes later with Lewis and Louis. While she has not lost her playfulness in these last few days, I still see it as a good sign.

    I had another wonderful video date with my wife last night. She is such a wonderful woman, and I am really not liking this long-distance thing. When I am down there in a few weeks, we are going to have a serious discussion about how to remedy that as quickly as possible. Because of the immigration issue, it will not be overnight… but however quickly it can be, we both really want to be together. I love that I can see her every night, but I hate that I cannot hold her in my arms. It is time to figure out the ultimate solution so that we can be together forever.

    My plans for the day are to stay the course. With the exception of the popcorn the other day, I have been good, and the results have been obvious. I am currently three kilograms slimmer than I was on my last official weigh-in day, which is far and away the best two-week loss I have had since I started getting weighed at the doctor’s office. Of course, owing to my teaching schedule I will not be back for another weigh-in until August 24, which is nearly three-weeks from today. I am hoping that in that time I can lose another three kilos, and hear the doctor say to me ‘Is this right?’ He has known me for fifteen years and knows that I can achieve anything I set my mind to; he has also seen me stagnate, and he has certainly seen me falter a number of times. He is a nice guy, but I am not trying to make him happy; I want him to be impressed because of my success, I do not want to succeed to impress him.

    While my heel is reminding me that I might want to change out my footwork, I am not feeling any other ill effects of my working out. That includes my ankle, which did not seem to bother me when I took Her Floofness for her walk this morning. I note that for two reasons. The first of which is the obvious and immediate… yes, I am feeling better, and I can plan for a good walk this afternoon and not have to worry about taking time off for injury.

    The other reason is because I remember back to my first few walks, and then to the first few where I pushed myself. After all of those, I would come home and nearly collapse in place, avoiding falling into bed only because I was disgustingly sweaty. The following day, I would feel my muscles aching with the reminder that they were not used to being used, and needed time to heal. While I certainly can feel in my leg muscles that they are recovering from the walk, I am raring to go for another one this afternoon after class. That is a sure sign of real progress, and a real non-scale victory.

    Adding to that NSV is the fact that I am walking better. I do not mean when I am pushing myself to exercise, rather when I am walking down the street, taking Princess Sophie for a walk, or whatever. Even walking through the supermarket, I feel lighter. It is, frankly, exhilarating. The phrase ‘You ain’t seen nothing yet’ comes to mind, knowing that as I continue to lose weight, my stride will continue to improve.

    It is good for me, on days when I am disappointed by the numbers on my scale, to remember how far I have come, and how sluggish I was just seven months ago. Forget that, just a couple of months ago I was still strides behind where I am today. For reasons I cannot recall, the other night I reached down between my legs from behind with one arm, and was able to clasp my hands through my legs… without my enormous belly getting in the way, and without the pains of ‘fat bodies do not move like that!’

    Don’t get me wrong… according to the numbers, I am still morbidly obese. Hell, according to what I see in the mirror, forgetting the numbers. According to the charts I look at online, I am still a good twenty-five pounds away from a promotion from morbidly obese to simply obese. According to those same charts, I am roughly one hundred pounds from simply being overweight. Those numbers are daunting, but they are also the goals that I am setting for myself.

    If it sounds like I am getting down on myself, let me assure you that I am not. I am being realistic and using that to encourage myself to keep going. I will not lose one hundred pounds in this calendar year – that is simply not realistic, and if it is, there is no healthy way to do so… at least, without surgery (either stomach surgery or limb amputation). However, rather than saying ‘It has to be done this year’ I say ‘I want to do it, I am committed to doing it, and I am willing to be patient with my progress knowing that I am doing the best that I can.’

    So, what is realistic for this calendar year? We are in the eighth month, and I am 7.5 months into my weight loss journey. I have lost nearly seventy pounds in that time. Another seventy pounds is not realistic… but would it be doable to lose another forty pounds in the remaining months of the year? That would take my weight loss to about 110-pounds, and would bring my weight down well below the 300-pound mark. That is possible. Now, if I stick with my regimen, it is possible that I could lose even more… but I am not going to get myself excited and set myself up for failure. Yes, it would be nice to get down to 260lbs, but doing that by the end of this year – or even by Day 365 (January 19, 2023) is a lofty goal. I will get there… but I will get there when I get there.

    Leslie and I had a conversation last night about my weight loss that resonated with me. She has been encouraging me to lose the weight, but at the same time, I know that she was attracted to me when I was at my heaviest. She made it clear last night (although not for the first time) that she wants me to lose the weight because she wants me to be healthy, because she wants to spend as many years as possible with me. I want that too. I want to be able to live a long and healthy life with her, and losing weight (and getting back into shape) is a huge part of that. I do not want to find myself ten years from today with a pacemaker and a bland diet that is medically prescribed lest I drop dead of another heart attack. I want to live a long life with her… and I want to be able to eat whatever I want!

    Over the weekend my friend Eduardo is coming over for a cigar, and I am going to ask him to take a picture of me exactly where and how I was standing when we took the ‘before’ picture on the day I started this journey. I look in the mirror today and I still see a fat man, but with all of the progress I know I have made, I am looking forward to seeing those two pictures side-by-side. Yes, I will post the two on my blog for the world to see… but I am not doing it for them. Leslie sees my progress, and it is easy to see so many ways that I have improved these last seven months. It is important for me to stop seeing myself as a fat man, and start recognizing the huge improvements I have made… even on days when I cannot see positive changes from day to day.

    Have a great day folks!