Losing a part of me

Category: Travel

  • Day 389

    I did not expect that.

    As I was driving home from Toronto yesterday afternoon, I was amazed by how beautiful the weather was, and I decided to try to actually go for a jog. Yes, in the morning I decided on the spur of the moment to jog lightly with my dog… but that was an ad hoc thing. I came home and called my wife, and while I drank my midday meal replacement, I told her of my plans. She told me to make sure I did not hurt myself, which is certainly a possibility when an obese man of my age decides to go for a jog. I dressed warmly in layers, I took a bottle of water, I laced up my shoes, put in my ears, and off I went.

    Because of my fitness walking, I know the approximate distances of the routes I usually take, and I opted for the shorter of them. I was not sure how far I would be able to jog on my first outing, and I decided not to try to push myself. I also decided to not jog through the park; while the sidewalks are dry, there are a lot of icy patches on the paths that I had to be careful on this morning, and I did not want to get hurt – I promised Leslie!

    I am not sure if I am proud that I got as far as I did, or disappointed that I did not go farther. I do know that I jogged for twenty minutes at an average pace of 8m11s/km and came close to 2.5km overall, before stopping the jog (and my counters). I re-started the counters to walk the rest of the way home, which was just over 3.75km (with an average pace of 10m14s/km). I will say that while I was certainly dressed warm enough for the jog, the walk was chilly. I do not know if that was because I was not generating the heat, or because the wind picked up. It could absolutely be one or the other of those. The next time I go out for a jog in similar conditions, I will pack a scarf that I can wrap around my face if necessary.

    After I showered, I had a lovely cigar date with Leslie. We really enjoy spending time together, which I suppose is the whole point of getting married, right? The distance is frustrating, and while we are counting down the months until the State Department approves my visa, we are also counting down the days until my next visit. We now have just under twenty-five days until then, and they will be twenty-five very difficult days of separation. Why does flying have to be so damned expensive?? Why can’t the government just look at us and say ‘Yep, you are married to an American Mr. Garvis… come on in!’?? Such are the things that test a relationship.

    I am happy that I was able to stick to the program again yesterday. A friend wanted me to drive down to Niagara to join him for dinner and drinks. While I usually would, I decided I did not want to sound like I was making excused, and I told him that I was on a strict diet and was neither eating nor drinking but would gladly sit with him while he did. He told me that he would rather put off getting together until I was able to indulge. Frankly, I am glad that he said that. I did not want to drive to Niagara, but I really did not want to be tempted to break my program. A lot of people might say that ‘hey, after two jogs and a walk today, you deserve it!’ I say that I would rather see the benefits of the exercise on my weight loss, either this morning or tomorrow, and not eat to counterbalance my activity.

    I was feeling light-headed by mid-evening, but I am not sure if that is because of the low-calorie program, or because I woke up so early. I do know that it is the second or third evening this past week that I have felt that. Fortunately, last night I did not have to teach. I was feeling fine on the balcony until it was too cold to enjoy it, and it was only a little while after I came into the apartment (around 7:45pm) that I started to feel weak and light-headed. I am going to have to find a way to get more sleep. For the next two weeks I do not have the same crazy schedule as I did, so I will be able to take a nap during the day. After that, I have another week of 12-hour days. Hopefully by then I will either be more used to the program again, or at least I will be sleeping better.

    I will be breaking the program today for one meal. My son the younger wants to go to Lone Star Grill for lunch, and I took a few minutes to look at menu online. The Grilled Chicken Fajita Bowl is 810 calories with 35g of carbs, and I can eat half of it and then pretend to forget my doggie bag to take home. Of course, I will tell them to withhold the cheese because of my religious dietary preferences, and probably the rice as well… but even if I ate it all, half of that would be 405 calories, and that is not the worst thing in the world. If that is the only cheat meal I eat between now and my trip (okay, there might be two of these) then I’ll be okay.

    I cannot help but think that yesterday’s jogging contributed directly to the tremendous numbers on the scale this morning. In the previous eight days (Friday to Saturday) I had lost 1.4 lbs. This morning’s day-over-day loss was 1.8 lbs. I was so excited to see that extreme drop that I nearly whooped out loud! I know it is unlikely that I will see consistent drops like that, but when I do it feels good. I am a lot more confident this morning that I will reach my first goal (under 280 lbs. before my appointment with the haberdasher on March 2) than I was just a couple of days ago. Of course, if I can do that, then I must also be more confident that I can achieve that second goal of getting to Dallas on March 9 under 275 lbs.

    If you were to scour through the 350,000 words of this journal you would not find the name of the weight management meal replacement program that I have been following (often more loosely than I currently am). I said at the outset that I did not want to discuss that program by name because one day it would be replaced by something else, and I did not want this journal to be seen as obsolete as irrelevant when that happened. Well, it happened… at least in some places. I received a message from a member of one of the Facebook support groups for the program that claimed that the clinic in Hamilton where I first went on the program has officially changed to another product. She says that the product is similar to the old one, but I am not able to find any information about it yet. I have asked her to share details when she can. Whatever it is, I feel more justified now in my original plan to withhold the name of the product. What works for you should work for you, and nobody should tell you otherwise unless there is confirmation that one program or another has severe negative health consequences.

    It is a beautiful day out, and while it was cold this morning (it is still below zero), the forecast high is 6°, and by Wednesday that will be 15°… after which it drops down to zero by Friday and will once again start rising over the next few days. As I have said so often, if you are unhappy with the weather in Canada… wait a few minutes. I do not think I will be going for another jog this afternoon, but you never know. It is Super Bowl Sunday, and I have been invited to several friends’ houses to watch the game. I have politely declined each invitation, knowing that the food temptations will be too great. That is one of the topics of discussion in the Facebook support groups. My plan is to avoid the temptations completely by not subjecting myself to them. Other feel they have more willpower… or possibly they might be able to get away with just a little bit of cheating. Whatever it is, I am going to be home alone, probably on a video date with Leslie. As I have said so many times before… Lead me not to temptation! I know exactly where to find it.

    My diet buddy is coming over this morning for a cup of coffee. It will be great to touch base with her, knowing that there are so many temptations out there on this the most commercial sports day of the year. She and I started on a similar journey, but I was worried that we would lose that commonality after she had her surgery. I am glad that did not happen, and that we can both continue to support each other. We joked last week that when we are both slim, we should go to a bar together dressed to the nines and see which women check us out… yes, she would be trying to attract women as well. Both of us are married so it would just be an exercise in vanity, but it is still amusing to think about it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 384

    For the first time in a few days, I had a productive (if small) bowel movement. For the first time in a few days, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and weighed less than I have these last few days. It was not a huge loss, but something is better than nothing… and that something took me below the 285 lbs. mark! It was also the first day since I started my spreadsheet comparing my weight loss now with my weight loss from three years ago that this morning’s comparison to 2020 is lower than it was yesterday. While that may falter these next few days, that is more a commentary on how well I did in 2020 over that first ten days. I then lost momentum, so while the total weight loss from Day 1 of that sheet is nearly 9 lbs. on Day 11, that number drops to under 4 lbs. on Day 19. In 2020 it took me 69 days to drop from 285.2 lbs to 260.4 lbs. I still believe that in 2023 I can do it in less.

    Of course, there might be a bit of a delay in that. Yesterday, after much fighting with American Airlines, I booked my next trip to Dallas. On March 9 I will fly down for ten days, and I will once again go back on my modified program. With all of the worries I had, it worked really well the last time. I am going to expect, once again, that I will gain as much as two pounds on that trip to consider it a victory. If I do anything like my last trip, I will do much better than that!

    Yesterday went exactly as planned. Both my daytime and my evening classes are good groups, although I did not hear a lot from the daytime class (except when I asked them midday if they wanted me to change anything, and three of them told me I was ‘crushing it.’ I felt really good about that and will do my best to keep going. My evening class was a lot larger, and because of the different format I was able to force each one to turn their mics on to introduce themselves. That was a pretty good ice breaker, and while very few mics went on the rest of the night, I had them using the feature where they raised their hands… a lot. I stuck to the program, with the only aberrations being a cup of tea in the evening and a couple of lozenges. I essentially spoke straight from 9:45am to 10:30pm (with the last 90 minutes being on the phone with American Airlines), and I doubt anyone would begrudge me my throat soothers.

    Today I will do essentially the same… but I do have to step out. I was worried yesterday that I might not have enough oat milk for my coffee today. It seems that I do, but I will definitely not have enough for tomorrow if I do not go to the supermarket. There is nothing else that I need, so I will get in and out as quickly as possible. I wish the oat milk was not all the way at the back of the store, but I know that I can get through without succumbing to any temptations. I will also take the opportunity to drop a couple of my shirts and a pair of pants at the dry cleaners. I may be saving a ton of money on that bill by wearing undershirts, but that does not change the fact that they do need to be cleaned from time to time. Of the four shirts that went me to Dallas, three of them are in need… as are a pair of pants.

    Last night I was worried about sleeping, as I have had trouble the last couple of nights. I woke up twice to pee, and the second time I felt like I might not get back to sleep… it was 3:15am. Before I even went to the washroom, I proactively ate a melatonin gummy, so when I got back into bed I might have an easier time. Indeed I did, and was asleep within 15 minutes or so. I did not sleep through to my alarm clock, and again was out of bed 10-15 minutes early… but that is not the end of the world. At least it was not another mostly sleepless night.

    Stay on track today. Stay focus, stay mindful. Do not veer, and you will succeed. Right, Taz? Yes Staff Sergeant!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 379

    Yesterday did not go as planned, but I suppose it went about as well as I expected it to. In the end, my plane from Dallas landed just in time to watch my flight to Toronto take off, and I was rebooked onto the first flight out this morning, which meant a night in a hotel. Despite the mechanical issues with the aircraft (that had to be changed), the airline insisted the delay was weather-related, so I was on the hook for my own hotel. I will fight that, but as of now, the delays cost me USD$275 out of pocket.

    I had a decision to make. I one protein bar left which I could have eaten at hotel last night, but I thought I would be smarter sitting down for dinner and then eating it in the morning. The restaurant at the hotel was quite nice, and I ordered a Cobb Salad… no bacon, no blue cheese (dressing or crumbles), with a balsamic vinaigrette. Of course, the hotel restaurant did not have the nutritional values available, but my app showed me a list of them ranging from 250 to 688 calories, and I assume that. While it is high in fat, the carbs are reasonable, and the protein is great. For obvious reasons I did not have the opportunity to weigh myself this morning, but I am confident that I did not veer too badly from my modified plan.

    I did not sleep well at all. I got into bed at a reasonable hour, and rather than watching television I opened my e-book reader and read my cheap detective novel until my eyes were tired. I tried to sleep but sleep just would not come. Not only had I requested a wake-up call, but I also set both phone alarms, so I knew that I was not going to oversleep and miss my flight. I do not think it was stress, although there is some of that. At 1:30am I was finally out, and when I woke up, I was sure that it would be a few minutes before my wake-up call. I lay in bed waiting for the shrill of my alarms or the phone. After a few minutes I looked to see if I had any flight notifications on the phone, only to discover it was 2:35am. I took the opportunity to void my bladder once more, and then tossed and turned for another 30-40 minutes. When my alarm actually did go off, I am happy to say that I was able to get out of bed on the first ring, no snooze button required.

    I am sitting in the food court of LaGuardia’s Terminal B. My flight is still 85 minutes from departure, which means that I have plenty of time to sit down and write my thoughts. Yesterday’s (modified) Cobb Salad and the bag of almonds I ate on the airplane were not really on the program, but neither should cause any damage to my weight loss program. Two days of airplanes might, but that should not be too bad. I will weigh myself when I get home this afternoon. I know that is not a great idea because I will have been on the road, and the time shift from my usual morning weigh-ins will not be a true comparison to yesterday, but whatever it will be I will accept, and know that tomorrow’s will be better. I will not get upset with the numbers on the bathroom scale today because of that, and the travel factor.

    I want to say that as stressful as this travel ordeal might have been, it is good to know that I am in the home stretch, and I should be arriving at my own apartment within the next five hours. It is even better to know that with all of the crap I have not fallen off the program. It is trials like this that make for perfect and understandable reasons to fall off the wagon. I read about that all the time from members of my Facebook groups… stress causes us to fail. Well folks, I have been stressed, and I have not failed! If the worst that I can say is that I polished off a small bag of almonds and a Cobb Salad, then I am claiming victory. Despite everything going on – with travel and other stuff – I chose continuing to lose weight over the familiar comforts of bad food choices. If that is not huge then I do not know what is!

    Let me catalog a couple of non-scale victories while I am at it. Not only do I do not need a seatbelt extension on the airplane, but I also no longer feel like my fat is encroaching on my seatmates. I sat in the window seat of a three-seat section on yesterday’s plane and did not feel bad. I always choose the aisle seat for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I want to be able to stand up without disturbing anyone. I would be lying if I said that being squished against the bulkhead and still encroaching on my neighbour is a huge part of that – there is simply no way to escape it. Yesterday I did not feel that guilt at all. Yes, I took the armrest – I will be a big guy even perfectly slim, and the man in the middle section was… petite. That was not a weight issue. Additionally, the shower in the hotel room was very nice, but very streamlined. It was two tile-widths from side to side, and the tiles were probably 10” wide. I did not feel cramped, and I was happy that I was not up against either side as I took a comfortable wake-up shower this morning.

    I should mention that there is something wrong with the way the airlines handle luggage when you miss your connecting flight (and it is their fault). I do not think there is an easy solution to this, but I still need to mention it. While it saves all sorts of hassles that they did not have me collect my suitcase and then recheck it this morning, it would have been considerate to give me that option. One of the first things I like to do at the end of a long travel day is to take off my travel-soiled clothes and put on something fresh. I hate that I am sitting in the airport in yesterday’s clothes… all of them, head to toe. I can assure you that as soon as I get home, I will be stripping them off and getting into the shower. Additionally, my medications are in my luggage… and the cheap plastic razor the hotel graciously gave me would not come close to the shave of my kit that also spent the night at LaGuardia. I looked at it for two minutes before deciding to fly unshaven, and to give myself a real clean-up when I get home. I am teaching this evening, so I will be putting on my jacket and tie anyways. I might as well get properly clean ahead of that.

    Oh, and I had to cancel a meeting because of the travel. I have a very important meeting with a company that I am hoping to do business with, and with the flight mess-ups, my only option to take it today would have been to get off the airplane and find a quiet corner in the terminal… before even clearing Customs or getting my luggage. Fortunately, the gentleman I am meeting with was able to fit me in for next week.

    My plans for today are to get on track the minute I get home. I have my protein bar for now, and when I arrive home, I will immediately shift back to the meal replacement shakes and the full-fast of my program. It will be the first time I will have resumed the program mid-day, rather than waiting for the next day to start over. I do not want to worry about what food options I have in the house… or preparing them. It will not be easy, and I am glad that I am allowing myself coffee on the full-fast. I am teaching until 10:00pm this evening, and I know the first day of full-fast I might get grumpy. Coffee will mitigate that somewhat.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Delays and Temptations

    It took an extra 90 minutes in the terminal, including a gate change (and aircraft change) but I am on the plane waiting for boarding to complete so that we can take off and get out of here. That 90 minute delay was stressful, exacerbated by not knowing when we would take off and if I would make my connection in New York. I really want to get home tonight.

    The extra stress made it extra hard to not cheat. While my plan was to wait until we were in the air before enjoying my protein bar, we were supposed to be in the air 90 minutes ago, and I did not think the stress and the delays and the hunger, mixed with all of the temptations I mentioned in my previous post, made for a good combo for staying faithful to my weight loss program. Modified as the program might be, there are few healthy and smart options available from the convenience stores that litter every airport terminal in North America (and most of the world).

    We should be arriving in New York shortly before 7:00pm, which will give me just enough time to walk the six gates to my connecting flight. If I was worried I might need to eat at LaGuardia, I now know I will not have time. While I am not supposed to restart my full fast program until tomorrow, the protein bars I brought with me, along with the package of raw almonds I have in my bag, will make it close enough to full-fast.

    Tomorrow morning I will be on my full fast program, which will be easier because I have all of the meal replacements I need at home. While I do not know if I will have lost weight tomorrow because of the travel, it is highly unlikely that I will weigh as much as I did a week ago this morning when I last stepped onto my Canadian bathroom scale. I said from the beginning that anything less than a two-pound gain would be a victory. An actual loss will be huge for me!

    Boarding is almost complete and we are just going to the deicing area before taking off, but then we will be on our way. Getting out of Dallas and the veritable ice storm they are recovering from will be a relief. I already miss Leslie, but that cannot be helped. Hers is the only bed I prefer sleeping in to my own… but until things are approved, our monthly visits are still a godsend. As it stands, at least I might sleep in my own bed tonight…

  • On My Way… I hope.

    After taking a very dangerous slip at the kerb at the bottom of the stairs from the apartment (from which I recovered unharmed and without falling), I walked to the corner where the Uber was going to be waiting for me. Sure enough, he was late, but that is perfectly understandable. It was not only the walkway that is solid ice – the sidewalks and roads were a solid sheet of ice up until we got onto the PGBT highway. That I had to wait in the ‘cold’ for six minutes was much less an inconvenience than would have been his crashing and not being able to pick me up. The drive to the airport was slower than it ever has been, but again, that was perfectly understandable. Leslie was not kidding when she told me that I might not be able to get to the airport at all! The roads were exactly as bad as she predicted they would be. By the grace of G-d, I arrived safe and sound.

    I checked in with the airline and sailed through security. I was not sure if the weather was going to cause the airport to be a mob scene or a ghost town, so I wanted to arrive as early as I could. That everything went smoothly was great, but that left me a lot of time to sit patiently. I was going to find a Starbucks, but there is another restaurant – Chili’s – across from my gate. Their coffee is just as caffeinated as it is at Starbucks, and the Internet is just as unreliable. The only problem is that I had two hours to kill… with a lot of temptations everywhere I looked.

    Kuchisabishii!

    Leslie and I both have a love of Japanese culture and language. Last night she introduced me to a word I was not familiar with (not surprising, since I do not speak the language). Kuchisabishii (口寂しい)  is defined as ‘When you are not hungry, but you eat because your mouth is lonely.’ How many times have I told her I was going to eat something, and she asked if I was hungry or bored? I think this word is less about boredom and more about loneliness and sadness, but those are two emotions that I a feeling right now as I sit at the airport, less than 2.5 hours from when I hugged my wife for the last time until… when? I do not even know when I will see her again. It is common that we see each other every month, but that is still a month until I can hold her again… and that makes me sad and lonely.

    I have walked through airport terminals on every continent, and without exception there is temptation everywhere you look. Whether I am sitting at Chili’s on my laptop (with the tasty and extremely unhealthy foods that the very nice Darryl will bring me just for asking), or walking through the terminal, there are scores of opportunities to cheat. Would it be so bad? The food would help me to feel a little better, if only for a few minutes. Who would know?

    I would know. My weight loss program is not about show, and lying in my journal would not help me if I stepped onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning to discover I gained weight because I was weak. As it stands, it is likely that I will have to purchase a snack along the way – either on the airplane or at LaGuardia – because the travel day that was supposed to be a direct flight to Toronto (3.5 hours) is longer than I thought (8 hours from taking off at DFW to landing at YYZ, not accounting for travel to the airport, waiting at the airport, collecting my luggage, clearing Customs, and traveling home). I do not know if the three protein bars that I packed will be enough to get me through. I will try to stay true to my program so that when I step onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning I will weigh less than I did this morning… even though I spent the day on airplanes and in airports.

    My mouth is bored, sad, and lonely. Frankly, so is the rest of me. I am now sitting at the gate, but Chili’s is only fifty feet away… not to mention the myriad other shops and restaurants that will gladly sell me chips and chocolates and candies and and and… but I am not going anywhere until they call my boarding group. The sign reads that boarding will start in nine minutes, and while I know there are other temptations on the airplane, I am going to stay strong… no matter how bored and sad and lonely my mouth is. I have a protein bar to devour the moment the flight attendant brings me a cup of coffee… and I decline the proffered cookies or pretzels. My mouth might be all of those things, but despite it all I am reminding myself to stay mindful and remember the mission I am on… to lose weight and to keep it off. I cannot do that if I do not stay true to my program. I might, depending on availability, sit down and have a salad at LaGuardia… as long as I can find something that is healthy and nutritious, and not detrimental to my program. That would be the extent of my program deviation… and really, it would not actually be a deviation, as I had always planned to restart my full-fast program tomorrow morning.

    Okay, the gate attendant just announced that boarding will be delayed because the crew is not here yet… but they are on their way from their hotel, so as long as we are not waiting for them on an incoming flight, it should not be too long of a delay. I am crossing my fingers because the longer I am here, the better the chips at the convenience store are looking. G-d give me the strength to get on the plane without testing me too badly.

  • Day 378

    (This was written Tuesday afternoon)

    My partial program might be extended by a couple of days. I received notification from American Airlines that my flight tomorrow has been canceled. They currently have me booked to fly out an hour later (with 2.5-hour layover in LaGuardia, instead of my direct flight), but that might change. Right now I am hoping to get home… if not on time, then at least on the right day. Staying one extra day means staying two extra days because I have teaching commitments on Thursday that I cannot change and I cannot miss. Sometime in the next hour or two I will receive a callback from American Airlines to discuss my options. Leslie is worried that if they book me for Wednesday, will I even be able to get to the airport. She knows the roads and city much better than I do, and if she says that the roads might not be drivable then I have to trust her. That will be part of my conversation with the ticketing agent. In the meantime, I do not have meal replacements for another day (let alone two), so if I do not get out Wednesday, then Thursday (and Friday) I will be switching them out for protein bars… and trying to eat healthy despite the situation (Leslie’s son comes home Wednesday, and the meal planning has been with him in mind). While it would be nice to have a couple of extra days with Leslie, I just have too many things that are working against that being a good idea… if at all possible.

    It is now Wednesday morning, and I am packed and waiting for my Uber to arrive. It should be here in 90 minutes, and aside from my laptop, I have packed everything. As it was on my trip down, I have a single suitcase with a single carry-on. My flight status is showing on time, and it begins boarding in 4h19m. As it is not an international flight, I do not need to arrive three hours early… but I want to get there with plenty of time to spare. The airport will likely be a madhouse because of all of the cancellations. I am as nervous as I have been for any flight in recent memory… with the exception of when I was not sure about coming back into the United States. Weather does not usually get me nervous… but I am used to being familiar with all of the parameters. It is snowing in Texas, and all bets are off.

    After yesterday’s tremendous weight drop, I was not expecting a good number this morning. I expected to see a correction, either staying where I was, or possibly even taking a half-pound back. I was mostly good yesterday, and I say mostly because I was not able to have my usual salad for lunch because the Salad and Go outlet was closed due to weather. Instead, lunch consisted of two Boca ‘chicken-but-really-vegan’ patties with Buffalo sauce and mozzarella cheese and a small salad. The chicken patties were actually very tasty, and I was very happy to see that the total calories for the two was 450, with 24g of carbohydrates. Yes, that includes the sauce and the cheese! The salad was lettuce, tomato, onion, with craisins and a couple of pickled veggies on it, with a little bit of Ranch dressing. I think, all in all, I did pretty well on that meal. I will try to remember it when I am off the full-fast program.

    I made the right decision in not having either patty as a sandwich, so there were no extra carbs. I was also pleasantly shocked when Leslie pointed out the sauce had no sugar added. Aside from the lunch, I also drank two sweet teas and a glass of iced tea, all of which was sweetened. Other than that, I had two protein bars – one in the late afternoon, the other in the early evening). Still, I was not sure what to expect from the bathroom scale this morning. Knowing that I was on the cusp of hitting a decade milestone, I asked Leslie last night if she would join me when I stepped onto the bathroom scale… just in case. I thought it unlikely that I would drop below 290 lbs., but I wanted her there to share it with me if I did. We walked to the bathroom with no expectations. I put my phone (with the scale-connected app open) on the counter behind me, and I stepped onto the scale. Her reaction was one of shock, and I thought I was going to turn around and see I had gained back the 2.6 lbs. that I lost yesterday. Far from it – I looked at the phone and saw the numbers 288.2 lbs. I wiped it clean and waited for the scale to reset and stepped onto it again. Sure enough, with the absolutely stable and reliable floors of her bathroom, the numbers showed a two-pound drop from yesterday. Holy crap!!

    Before I left Canada I decided that I would be back on my modified program and would have a couple of cheat meals with my wife. I had not seen her in a couple of months, and I wanted to be able to take her out on a couple of date nights, and to cook for her… and to eat with her. I made the decision then that a successful trip (with regard to my weight management) would be to gain no more than two pounds, and when I returned to Canada, I would resume the full-fast program and take them off. It never occurred to me that I would be returning to Canada 2.5 lbs. lighter than I left! Of course, that is not wholly accurate. As Leslie rightly pointed out, I tend to gain weight on travel days. Despite the fact that I have prepared by packing three protein bars in my carry-on bag, it is often just the travel that does it. Also, I know I am cutting it close with that – any delays or cancellations will mean having to make smart choices about what to buy to keep myself on track. I might gain weight from the travel day, but if I can step onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning and weigh less than (or the same as) I weighed the day that I left then it will be a huge success. Of course, it is still a big if regarding getting home today. The flight from LaGuardia to Toronto should be routine with regard to the weather… there may be the usual delays out of New York City, but there is no weather predicted. As soon as my flight out of DFW takes off, I will breathe a sigh of relief. Until then, I know there is a chance I am staying here until Friday… without meal replacement shakes to keep me safe.

    I wrote yesterday about a post on a Facebook support group for my program, and my response to it. Later in the day, the following response was sent by someone else:

    The secret and science to losing weight and maintaining it after <the program> is your very first meal of the day must be protein only. Even after you eat this first protein meal of the day, your body will continue to dip into the “stored fat” for energy and lose weight. The 2nd meal must be either be protein or protein and veggies. Again your body will continue to dip into the “stored fat” for energy and you will not gain but lose weight. Your 3rd meal you can introduce some carbs but be smart about it. The very moment you swallow those carbs is the very moment your body stops using your “stored fat” for energy and uses the carbs for energy and the very moment your body will stop losing weight.

    So if you are off <the program> and your very first and second meal has carbs in it……you are doomed right there for losing weight and will gain. It is simple but extremely difficult I know. It sucks but it is how our bodies works.

    While this might or might not be good advice, I am always weary about anyone who gives advice with ‘the secret and science.’ If the secret to losing weight and staying slim could be summarized so neatly into four paragraphs, we would all do it and stay slim forever. I have written in this journal many times that what I have to do, what I must do, how I must be… but that is what I feel I must do. What is right for me might not be right for someone else. With that said, the idea looks interesting, and it is something I might look at further. I am reticent to believe that having vegetables with your protein in the morning would be detrimental to the ketosis, but I am neither a doctor nor a scientist. I will see if I can speak with one and ask about it. I can imagine that my breakfasts will consist mostly of eggs, and that the breakfast cereals we grew up knowing are healthy and good for you are really not… but not being able to add vegetables into an omelet sounds a bit extreme. Who knows? Maybe that is true, and what I need to do for the rest of my life actually is that extreme. We’ll see.

    The Uber is one hour away, and I am ready to brace myself and face the cold. No, it is not the sort of cold that I am used to, but I made the (now clearly incorrect) decision to leave my winter jacket and boots at home. It never occurred to me that I would be dealing with temperatures of -4° with falling snow. Couple that with the fact that we live in a gated community, so I will have to walk the 200m to meet the Uber outside the gate, and I’ll be a bit chilly. I will also have to contend with similar weather in Toronto, but it is what it is. I made the decision and now I will live with it. No good Canadian has ever died because of a few minutes of cold temperatures! Well, they have… but there are usually underlying conditions involved, or the temperatures are much colder, or they are exposed for much longer periods. No matter, our hero will not be thwarted! I will run from the shelter of Pearson International Airport to my Uber, and then from the Uber into the warmth of my apartment!

    All this to say that I remain optimistic that tomorrow I will be writing my daily article from the comfort of my workstation in Canada, with HRF Princess Sophie curled up until it is time for her to go play with Charlie. If I do not get home today, then I will see you back here (from Dallas) tomorrow… and Friday morning as well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • On my way…

    I wrote the following in a Facebook support group. The fact that I feel full is a huge step!

    “This is a good sign! I arrived at the airport this morning, 3.5 hours before my flight (in anticipation of US Immigration issues). I have been ready to take a break from my full-fast for the week that I am with my wife, but I expected that to start tonight. Unfortunately, in my excitement to see her after two months, I packed all of my meal replacements in my checked suitcase. Okay, off a few hours early. I had 20 Pringles (not an entire serving) and a bag of almonds (one serving)… and I am full. Yay! I do not feel the need to eat more (the temptation, yes… not the NEED) and I feel like I will make it from here to Dallas without needing anything more.”

  • Day 371

    The numbers on the bathroom scale were all over the place this morning. I don’t mean up a pound, down a pound… I mean it gave me readings of 249 and lower. I was worried I might have gotten out of bed missing a leg without noticing… until the screen flashed Lo indicating the batteries were dying. I replaced them, and got a couple of different readings once it settled down; both were lower than yesterday’s readings… but not by 40-150 lbs. While one of those readings was actually 290.0 lbs. – the number I was hoping to meet or surpass by this morning to go visit Leslie – I selected the more reasonable and likely the more accurate one. Down .6 lb. from yesterday. Steady as she goes.

    Seldom do I wake up at 6:15am and cannot get back to sleep because of nerves and anticipation and excitement… but here we are. It is 7:55am, and I am sitting at my desk writing. I am showered, shaven, dressed (I changed my shirt three times before settling on the casual Polo button-down with the blue checkered pattern). Princess Sophie and I took our walk, I made my coffee and meal replacement, and here I am… waiting for the Uber to bring me to the airport. My bags are packed, and there is nothing… left… to… do. At 9:00am I will take Her Floofness over to the neighbour’s (The Dog Whisperer, as we call her) to spend the week, but that’s really all I have until the car comes. My passport wallet (which holds all of my American credit cards as well) is in my pocket, my boarding pass is on my phone, all of the papers that I need are in my carry-on… as is my laptop. Anxious, nervous, anticipation… and excitement. Counting down the hours until the car, then the line for Security, then US Immigration, then waiting for the airplane… then boarding, taking off, and if all goes well, in around 8.5 hours I will be with Leslie.

    While I am really happy that the numbers on the bathroom scale were down this morning, I honestly have very little on my mind that is not directly related to seeing Leslie. It has been way too long, and we have way too many things to talk about… but just to hold her in my arms. It is a good thing I do not have to teach today… I don’t know that I could focus on anything. Go to the airport. Get through Security and US Immigration. Wait for Airplane. Board Airplane. Wait. Disembark Airplane. Walk to Baggage Carousel. SEE WIFE. HUG WIFE. Try not to cry.

    I try to share my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and insight with regard to my weight loss journey in this diary, but really… this morning I got nothing. If it was not for the batteries in the scale, I might not even have written anything today. I probably would have left a quick note on the blog so as to not ruin the 145-day steak, but I have nothing to say about the weight loss program.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 370

    ‘Ass over teakettle’ is an expression that came to mind this morning during my walk with Her Royal Floofness, and I decided to look it up when I got home to see if I could trace the origin. From my very brief research, it seems that it is a slightly later iteration of the term ‘tail over teakettle’ that was first used in a piece in Everybody’s Magazine from 1927. The exact wording of the altered phrase that stuck with me seems to be from Pagany, Volume 3 by Richard Johns (1932). I gleaned this information from pieces on https://english.stackexchange.com, and I thank their reader for asking as well as for the people who responded.

    Whatever the origin of the phrase may be, the reason that it came so readily to mind as I walked my dog this morning is because this is exactly how I found myself flying on the trail through the park.

    By all indications, with the exception of a couple of bitterly cold weeks in December, this has been the mildest Canadian winter I have experienced. There have been windy days and damp ones which make it feel colder, but for the last month, the high temperatures have been slightly above the freezing point, with the overnight lows dropping beneath. In dry conditions this causes no issues, but when there is precipitation, the straddling of that line will make for icy conditions. On Sunday we had snow, on Monday the temperatures warmed, and Monday night they dropped again. Snow turns to water; water turns to ice. Mitch’s foot finds icy patch (which are often almost impossible to see), Mitch’s feet go up, Mitch’s ass goes down.

    Since my return to Canada mid-2021. This is the second time I have done this. Once was about a year ago, on a cold and snowy day just down the street, I hit an icy patch that was camouflaged by a light dusting of snow and went flying. I stayed down for a few minutes before asking for help getting up. The ordeal is outlined in an article I posted to my weight loss blog (OW! – Losing a part of me). The penultimate paragraph of that piece reads:

    I don’t know how different this would have been had I been 100lbs slimmer, but I do know that I am not as young as I once was, and I have to be careful. I do suspect that if I was slimmer, and if I was not still recovering from a broken ankle and wrenched knee, I would have likely had an easier time standing up than I did.

    I go on to say that I have no intention of trying this again when I have lost the weight. I could not have thought then that I would, precisely 369 days later (and eerily close to the predicted 100 lbs. slimmer) do just that.

    Unlike a year ago, there was no comedic (to an outside observer) teetering and trying to retain my footing before giving in to gravity. I went right down. Exactly like a year ago, I immediately checked my surroundings for impending danger, then took inventory of my body to ensure that nothing was broken. My head (always the biggest concern in a hard fall) had not come close to impact, and my Akubra hat remained secure and straight. My right wrist hurt a little but was not injured. Anyone who has gone through serious military training understands the difference. Other than that, nothing hurt or ached. I checked to make sure my surroundings (other than that one still invisible patch of ice… even up close) were dry, and I stood up. I re-evaluated, and there was still no pain. My back, my neck, my hips, my ass, my knees, my ankles were all good.

    I don’t know how different this would have been had I been 100lbs slimmer… now I know. I went through it unscathed and was able to recover much more quickly and I was able to right myself without any assistance.

    I should mention that Princess Sophie was, just as she was a year ago, wondering why her Daddy fell, and was glad to see that I was okay.

    Falling down is never fun… especially as we get older. While I am not going to get any younger, I will continue to lose weight. Hopefully I will never fall again, but if I do, it will be even less traumatic because I am not nearly four hundred pounds.

    Yesterday was another good day on my program. I did not veer at all, enjoying all four meal replacements at regular intervals, the last one at a reasonable hour in the early evening. I drank a lot of water, and I spent a lot of time running to the bathroom. I was completely unproductive with regard to work, although I did write two articles in this journal totaling 4,000 words. I was (and I suppose still am) distracted knowing that in less than twenty-four hours I am calling an Uber to take me to the airport, and by tomorrow evening I will be in Dallas with Leslie. It has been nearly two months since we were last together, and it is hard. I know that we are lucky in some respects. Even ten years ago, a couple in our shoes would have had to spend money on long distance calls, and would have been limited to audio only, whereas today Leslie and I can video talk for free every day. A couple in the same situation fifty or more years ago would likely have had to settle for exchanging letters (remember those?) and relying on the post office. That does not make it easier for Leslie or for me that we are mostly apart and spend so much time in the Rectangle Zone. We have had so many emotional hardships due to our physical separation, but when we are together… everything is right in the world again.

    This morning was the first day in fourteen that the numbers on the bathroom scale were up from yesterday. It was within the margin of error (.2 lb.) but it was still disappointing. I was hoping that two more days of loss would take me under the 290 lbs. mark for when I got to Dallas. Now that seems unlikely. Even so, Leslie looks at me on video and wonders what it will feel like to hug a much smaller Mitch than she has ever known.

    We had a frank discussion this morning about my visit, and how I will be modifying my program for the week that I am there. She is worried that I am talking about a lot of different foods, and she is worried that this visit might be a trigger that pulls me off the program completely. I told her that while I am excited to be eating certain foods, I am not going to go wild, and there will be no meal where she will think I have gorged myself. I will be on a modified program, which will include a few salads for lunch from our favourite place, a few dinners out where I will eat well but reasonably, and a couple that I will prepare for her at home. I told her that I will be stepping onto the bathroom scale daily, and that if I see it is getting out of hand then I will rein myself in… but if I gain less than two pounds during the week then I will consider it a success. I would be thrilled if I do not gain any weight, but two pounds is my hopeful limit. I will mention that while I will be eating reasonably, I will be eschewing snacks, treats, and desserts. I might take a bite of something that Leslie orders, but that’s it.

    Yesterday evening my diet buddy and I had our call. Last week our usual call was canceled because of scheduling conflicts, but we did want to have our touch point yesterday. We are both going through a lot, and it is important that we keep in touch to make sure neither of us has fallen off the wagon. It was good to hear that she is also doing pretty well, despite a lot of travel. She has been exposed to a lot more temptations of late than I have. She is also eating solid foods, but because of her surgery she cannot eat nearly as much as she would like and continues to lose weight. I am proud of her. My ideal situation would be to be able to only eat much less than I used to, which would mean that I could not eat the quantities I am used to. When I am ready to ween myself off the weight loss program and onto solid foods, my two main strategies will be wise choices and portion control. If I can succeed with those, then keeping the weight off long term will be easy. If not, I expect that I will spend the rest of my life gaining a few pounds and then forcing myself to diet to lose them so that I do not fall back into old habits and weights. Honestly, I think the part of maintaining for the rest of my life is more daunting than actually losing the weight.

    I have done a bit of work and a bit of screwing around since I started writing, and I have things to do. I have to fold laundry and pack my suitcase, and I would like to do a little studying before my meeting and then class this evening. It is time for a meal replacement (and there are two puppies reminding me that it is time for them to get a treat), and then I will do my work. I will stay on track today…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 271

    Welcome to Canada… and to a week of work! I am not really employed, and I do a lot of contract work. This week, I will be teaching an IT Security class, which I rather enjoy.

    The plane ride home was quite comfortable. I was in an exit row on the aisle, and when I took my seat, I joked to the woman in the window seat that we now had to pray that the middle seat remained vacant. I do not know where I get my luck from, but on an aircraft that had two empty seats, the one next to me was in fact one of them, making for a slightly more comfortable flight. As anticipated, I did have the proffered pretzels and cookie, but only one… plus a meal replacement bar at the beginning of the flight. While in the air I wrote an article for my cigar blog on different types of lounges, and then I watched part of a movie I have seen before we landed.

    Getting from the airplane to the house was a lot less stressful than it could have been… and than it has been. I am not sure if it was just a quiet Sunday afternoon, or if the elimination of the Covid procedures at Canada’s airports made it so, but the line to get through Customs and Immigration was much shorter than it has been in recent trips. That, of course, is counterbalanced by the fact that I would have to wait longer for my luggage. The only stressful part of this was my son, who kept texting me and asking where I was. He was collecting me and can be a little tense. Once I was in the car, we headed home, stopping at the supermarket to collect the necessary provisions for the evening, and the next morning. They did not have the chicken pieces I usually get, and I decided to buy a seasoned Portuguese chicken that I would cut in half and make two meals of. I did not think of the sodium content until after I was home, but that’s not the worst thing in the world.

    As I was putting my groceries away, I was surprised to see that I had most of a quart of milk left, and that it still had a couple of weeks before it expired. I was almost disappointed that I bought milk. That disappointment turned to elation when I opened that container to realize that while it did not smell bad, it was much creamier and thicker than 1% milk is meant to be. I did not take any chances, dumping it and starting my new container fresh.

    I did have a snack last night that I should not have eaten. I finished an open container of Goldfish crackers. If that is the worst I did, then I will consider it a pretty successful travel day. The bathroom scale this morning was almost exactly where it was yesterday, but I was unable to move my bowels so I expect that I did well except for flushing my system. It would be nice if by tomorrow I could lose another pound… or at least, part of one.

    I started the day by taking Her Royal Floofness to the park, where she played with some friends, and had a much more successful time pooping than I did. We came home, and while she lounges on the couch, I am at the computer, ready to start my class. I will prepare my lunch during the morning break, which will give me an hour to relax and eat. I had a Canadian meal replacement shake this morning but will have the American ones the rest of the day. I think that is going to be my routine until I run out of Canadian meal replacements, at which time I will be on US ones only. I do not expect the extra 65 calories in the morning will make a huge difference, but we’ll see how I feel.

    Have a great day folks!