Losing a part of me

Category: Weight Management

  • Day 236

    Phew.

    I suppose I should start with an explanation for that… as well as yesterday’s one-line post. Yesterday morning, after five days in Montreal, I stepped onto the scale. To my horror, I had gained 8.2lbs since Tuesday morning. I was heartbroken. I know that I ate poorly in Montreal, making more poor choices than I ought to, but over eight pounds in less than a week? Especially a week in which I went on three monster walks (8-10km each)? That was harsh.

    There are a few things I should mention about weighing myself on a regular basis:

    • My weight fluctuates depending on the time of day. That is not necessarily about what I have eaten that day, it is simply that at 9am I might weigh more or less than I do at 11am.
    • Changes to my sleep will affect my weight. For example, if I go to bed very late or very early one night, it will be affected.
    • Travel, whether by car or by airplane, always affects my weight for a day (and sometimes for two).
    • When I have a bad cheat day, the next day may be hell on the scale, but if it is only a single bad cheat day, it often works itself out the following day.

    Yes, I made a lot of bad decisions in Montreal, culminating in a series of bad decisions at the cigar garden party I went to on Saturday, and then more on the drive home. All of that, combined with the long car ride, the very late night, the very late morning, and weighing myself two hours later than I usually do… well, I was over eight pounds up from my previous weigh-in on Tuesday. I was really not happy… but Leslie reminded me that the travel day will affect me, and that I am usually so good, from time to time I am allowed to fall off the wagon… as long as I can pick myself up and get back onto it.

    Since I woke up late yesterday, I decided to not have my morning meal replacement. That decision was partly due to the fact that I felt like a fat pig from the weight gain, but mostly due to the fact that it was nearing 11:30am by the time I was ready to go, and I simply made myself lunch. I did end up taking a nap for a bit in the afternoon… I had so missed having my Princess Sophie cuddling in with me that it lasted longer than expected. We then went out for our walk before I settled onto the balcony for a cigar and a video date with my wife.

    As I prepared to step onto the scale this morning, I was hoping beyond hope that I would see a 3-lbs drop. It was all that I could hope for. Seeing the numbers on the scale announce a six-pound drop was just euphoric. I was so thrilled to not only be back below the 320lbs mark, but significantly so, was amazing.

    Knowing that at least part of my weight gain was not owing to the travel and timing, but to poor food choices, I doubt that the remaining 2.4 lbs will fall off tomorrow morning, but if I can lose them by the end of the week then I will be happy. Remember, next Thursday I am flying back to Dallas to be with my gorgeous wife, and I want to be looking my best for her. Yes, I am losing the weight for myself… but I think she deserves the best me that I can offer to her.

    It is going to be raining off and on today, and so I do not know if I will be able to take a walk. According to the hourly forecast, the rain should abate by 4pm, which means that I can hit the trails anytime after that. Not having walked since Friday, I would like to get in a good walk to start the week off. Also, there is a challenge on the Garmin Connect app to hit 100,000 steps between September 1-14. I am just over 14,000 steps shy of that goal, which means that a good showing today (even 10,000 steps) will guarantee that I hit it tomorrow, as any day that I do not fitness walk still hits 4,000 steps.

    I have to go shopping now so that I have food for lunch. I need chicken as well as vegetables, and we will see what else I might be missing.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 214

    For someone who’s usual routine is as utterly predictable as the movements of a clock, it is sometimes difficult to write every day about what I do and still keep it fresh. At least, I hope it is always fresh!? This morning I did not follow that routine. I got out of bed at 9:00am, which is a full two hours later than I usually would. This, after I woke up at 6:32am to pee, and after my ex-wife texted me at 7:28am to confirm what time I would be picking our son up for breakfast. Yes, I fell back asleep after 6:30am… twice!

    My time in the washroom was shorter than would normally have been, knowing that I had a pup who had waited patiently for me to wake up before asking to go out. As I was getting dressed, there was a knock on the door; my neighbour (Charlie’s mom) asked if Princess Sophie could come play, as her dog (and I believe her daughter’s dog Jasper as well) were barking and begging for Her Royal Floofness to come over. Yes, today is the first day in I don’t know how long that I am in town and did not take my dog for a walk. Routine shattered!

    The bathroom scale, as predicted, crept above the milestone I reached yesterday. This was entirely predictable, but it is something that I was prepared for. Leslie asked me a very important question yesterday about how I would react if the bathroom scale this morning showed me back above the 320-pounds milestone that I was so happy I hit yesterday. It was a question about psychology, about my attitude, and about my expectations. I told her that in all honesty, I expected that I would likely be back above that mark this morning – partly because of my cheat lunch yesterday, but also because I know that sharp drops are not only not easy to explain, but they also ‘give back a bit’ in the following days. I am glad she asked me the question. It gave me pause to think about it, and how I could or would react. It gave me the opportunity to shape my reaction and to not just get down on myself for it.

    Leslie shared another interesting idea with me yesterday about scheduling cheat days to keep me on track. They would have to be within reason (a large order of deep-friend and battered Buffalo wings would not be considered within reason), and they could not be too frequently, but that way if a friend invited me over for a meal that was outside my plan (as happened yesterday) I could either schedule my visits with friends around my allowed cheat days, or I could slide the cheat day… say, if it was supposed to be Sunday, but I was invited to my friend’s on Saturday, I could move it around. It is definitely something I am going to think about. I have to decide what is a reasonable interval for it… and what is a reasonable cheat, versus what is on a par with the large order of wings.

    I am taking my son the younger for breakfast this morning, which means that while I made coffee, I did not have a meal replacement shake. I do not want to sit there and watch him eat while I have nothing, and I do not want to have a breakfast shake and a breakfast. I will order smartly (as I have done on our last few breakfasts together), and yes, I will probably end up finishing his eggs for him. I just have to be careful about carbs. There will be a piece of toast with my breakfast, but I cannot dip into his.

    My feet are in quite some pain this morning, so I might take the day off from walking… I’m not sure, I might reevaluate that position later today. In the meantime, I am going to have a lovely time with my son, and then the rest of the day is mine.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 212

    It is good to be back on track.

    Yesterday evening I was tired… but that did not stop me from going to Taekwondo. I made a mistake with the schedule, thinking that Thursday evening there were two classes that were appropriate for me – the senior belts class, and the adult class. After putting on my dobok, I walked into the gym only to realize that I was looking at a children’s class.

    I had told myself that I wanted to spend a lot of time stretching during class, I took the opportunity to carve out a small corner in the back of the room and did just that for nearly the entire class. When it was time for the actual senior belts class to start, I was not exactly limber… but I was ready to go.

    I need to do that more often. Just spend the full class stretching, regaining the mobility that I once had. It was never great – I have never been as flexible or as graceful as so many other martial artists, many of whom I have trained with and trained. My kicks are powerful and effective, but I would never win a competition based on beauty and style. However, I will do what I can to improve my flexibility, at least to the point where I was ten years ago. That will involve a great deal more stretching… and not only on occasional Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Remember how angry I was at my bathroom scale the last two days? This morning it effectively apologized to me, with a massive 2-pound drop from yesterday. That brought me back into the ‘best weight yet’ territory, as I am now a full .6 pound less than my previous best. Unfortunately, my week-over-week loss is only one pound down from last Friday. While I do not consider a single pound drop in a week to be a good week, but I have to remember what I wrote: One pound lost is three pounds of progress. There are days when I just find it so hard to be patient with tiny steps, when I want to take giant leaps… especially when I am doing almost everything right. Just the other night, Leslie reminded me that patience is not one of her virtues. I guess in a lot of ways it is not always one of mine either.

    As I said yesterday, I will almost certainly drop below the 320-pound mark before I fly to Dallas on Wednesday, but it is extremely unlikely that I will drop as far as 315-pounds. I would need to lose another six pounds from today until Wednesday, which is only five days away. No, that will not happen… but as I have said, I aimed for the stars and while I missed, I still hit the moon. I have already lost better than twenty pounds since I returned from Dallas less than two months ago, and ten pounds per month is nothing to sneeze at… especially when some of that time has been as emotionally charged and difficult as it has been.

    I was considering buying a steak for lunch today, but decided against it. My indulgence from last week had no deleterious effects on me, and to celebrate the Sabbath is it proper to have a celebratory meal. I decided against it for a number of reasons, including cost. With that said, I have decided that while I will not be cutting red meat out (as have so many people), I am happy making it an occasional treat and not a regular part of my diet. I had a steak last week and it was wonderful. Maybe when I am back from Dallas, I will have another one. Once per month seems a reasonable cadence… and I have always loved chicken so it is not a hardship for me!

    Speaking of which, I just prepared my lunch. I am hungry, but it is still 90 minutes from meal time. I can survive that, no problem! I just wish I could pop a snack in my mouth to satisfy my hunger, but I know that either my hunger is really in my mind, or if it is in my stomach then I have to learn to control it. There were times in my life when other people controlled my food – when I was a kid and when I was in the Army – and if I got hungry between meals I could either complain about it or live with the hunger, knowing that it was temporary. I have to re-learn how to live with hunger.

    The weather forecast for the next few hours calls for rain, but that is supposed to clear up by 6:00pm, which means that I will be able to walk after class. I am happy about that, knowing that I have not gone for a good walk since Monday evening. That is not to discount the Taekwondo that I did last night, but it is a different kind of workout, and I look forward to pushing myself this evening.

    I am looking forward to the weekend, and will try to use some of my free time to do some more exercise – whether that be walking, stretching, or actually re-learning my Taekwondo patterns. Actually, that is a good idea. I will spend some time at the park with my new book on Poomsae and try to re-learn so much of what I have forgotten over the years. Fortunately, I know that my muscles will remember a lot of what my brain has forgotten.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 196

    While the popcorn yesterday was not a great idea, I am happy that it did not seem to hinder my weight loss progress. I am down sixteen pounds from the day I flew from Dallas to Toronto, and ten pounds down since my birthday. On that measure, it is important to know that in the week following my birthday I actually gained five pounds, so the loss is even more meaningful.

    Her Royal Floofness is still not at 100%, but she seems to be getting better. Two other dog parents today said that if she is under the weather, she is hiding it very well. She is playful and active and happy… and has diarrhea. Even after we went out right before bed at 11:30pm, she asked to go out again two hours later, which interrupts my sleep but it also limits the amount of cleaning soft poop off the floor I have to. It also gives my girl the dignity of not having to have accidents in the house. If this persists for another day or two, we will go see the vet to make sure it is nothing serious.

    It is intriguing to me that I was able to walk nine kilometres yesterday without issue, but when I took her out (four times through the evening and night) my ankle was hurting. It is something I will have to pay attention to for the next little while. I do not want to stop walking, but at the same time I do not want to damage my ankle to the point where I have to stop walking.

    My class went well yesterday. I am really enjoying working with this group, and hope that the company is impressed enough to keep me on their roll of trainers to reuse. If I can continue to prove myself useful to these companies, I will be able to continue to earn a decent living doing something that I really enjoy.

    Have I mentioned how much I love my wife, and how badly I miss her? According to my countdown app, in twenty-one days, eleven and a half hours I will be disembarking the airplane in Dallas, and once I collect my luggage we will be together again. Really, the long-distance thing is not working for me. We have to find a way to be together permanently… and we will. In the meantime: in anticipation of my upcoming visit with her, I ordered a case of meal replacements to her place. Yes, I could shlep the shake packets from here to there when I visit, but that is counterproductive for a number of reasons. For one, I will eventually (as I did the last visit) forget to bring them, which will mean I have to break my routine. As well, buying them in Canada requires underground transactions on the grey market, whereas in the US I buy them off eBay… and I never have to worry about them being expired.

    Yes, it is true… despite the fact that I will be ‘on vacation’ while I am there, I plan to stay true to the program. Losing weight is hard, but establishing good habits is harder. What is easy is falling out of those good habits back into an old and unhealthy routine. Do you want to know how demoralizing it is knowing that because of just a couple of tiny mistakes that snowballed, I went from 260-pounds in September, 2020 to 395-pounds in January, 2022? How about knowing that I have fallen like that not once, but twice? Were it not for the love of a wonderful woman, I do not know if I ever would have been brave enough to try again.

    Yes, those are the numbers. That was my highest weight in January of this year… 196-days ago. Since then, I have not done everything I can and stayed true to the program, but I have lost a tremendous amount of weight. I am about seventy pounds down from my worst weight. At the same time, I am about sixty-five pounds up from my lowest (best) weight which was twenty-three months ago. I have a long way to go until I get there, but I am committed to getting back there… and then to losing even more. I want my wife to see what I look like slim, not from pictures of me in my early twenties, but in her arms. Two hundred and sixty pounds is not slim, it is slimmer… and I have to take one step at a time. It would be great to reach my goal of being actually slim by my fifty-first birthday, which gives me eleven months to lose another 115-pounds. I might need longer, but I have to keep trying to keep at it, lest I fall off again and end up where I was again. I cannot think about that… it is too depressing, and just the thought induces anxiety.

    Today will be a chicken day; I went shopping yesterday, so I have enough chicken and vegetables to last me a few days. Yesterday I decided to shake things up a little, using a fat-free salad dressing in place of the usual oil and balsamic vinegar that I usually dress my salads with. It was good, and I lost weight, so I might do that again today. We will see!

    Environment Canada has issued a special weather statement warning that the temperatures will be extremely high for the next couple of days, with daytime high temperatures reaching 33°C, and the humidex reaching 41°. For my American readers, that translates to 91°F with the humidex at 105°F. Yes, it is hot… but it is nowhere near as hot as Dallas, where 105° will be the straight-up high temperature, with humidity of 65% (as the humidex is a Canadian measurement, I could not easily find it for Dallas. Trust me, that is freaking hot!). Ankle permitting, I will go for my walk this afternoon… but I will be paying special attention to drinking every kilometre, and not just ‘when I think of it,’ which is usually the case.

    It is hot and sunny today, and Princess Sophie and I decided we will keep the patio door closed in favour of the air conditioner, which is set at a balmy 74°F. I am wearing a short sleeve shirt so it can get a bit chilly, but for the most part it is very comfortable.

    Speaking of short sleeve shirts, I have a non-scale victory to report! Last night while video-chatting with my wife, she asked me which shirt I was wearing. Of course, she had seen it a hundred times before, but she did not recognize it because it was so loose! Likewise, the pants that I am wearing, which three months ago did not fit at all, are also very loose, and for the first time I eyed the bin of clothes the next size down this morning. I am not quite ready for them… but I can start thinking about it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 195

    Princess Sophie is getting better, but slowly. Last night she asked to go outside again at 2:30am, and so I had another night of interrupted sleep. Nevertheless, I woke up mostly refreshed, and am happy the day is underway.

    For the sixth consecutive day I was pleased by the numbers on the bathroom scale, and I am once again in new-low territory. It feels good, and I hope I can continue to drop. Over the last week or so, I have hoped to lose at least fifteen pounds between now and my trip to Dallas, now twenty-two days away. If we account for the five pounds I have lost in that time, I see it as a reachable goal. That would have me around 315-pounds, which is twenty-six pounds down from the morning I left Dallas early in July. I am thrilled that is within reach.

    Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. There are consequences for a fat man who does a lot of exercise, including on the back, knees, and feet. Last night in bed I could definitely feel both of my knees, but a good dollop of Voltaren helped that. My heel was not too bad until I got up in the night to take Her Floofness out, but it is still okay. I dressed it again this morning and will need to go to the pharmacy to pick up more bandages. I will try to do that at lunch time.

    Lunch today will be fish, which is defrosted in the fridge, and salad. I know that I only have enough vegetables for one more salad, so I will also be going to the supermarket at some point today. That means that I will be running the temptation gauntlet of the bakery and prepared foods section, but I know I can do it. I will just make a point to go after I have eaten, rather than before. In fact, I might do that at lunch… they likely have the bandages that I need at the supermarket, so I will not have to make two stops.

    It feels good to be coming out of the funk that I was in. Leslie and I discussed yesterday (and not for the first time in these few weeks) that I am a bit of a social butterfly, and when I do not speak with friends, I tend to fall even further into depression. I do not think that has been the case with my break with Facebook, but it truly was nice to sit with Lyle and Dorothy on Sunday. I have other friends who want to see me, and a couple have reached out to see how I have been doing. I hope that I am better, but I have to be vigilant, because there are hidden triggers abound, and I do not want to run into one unexpectedly and fall backwards into despair.

    I am told that of my students who wrote the test yesterday, only one of them will be required to retake it. By any measure, that is a good pass rate. I tend to worry that sometimes my folksy teaching style focuses more on what students will need to know in their careers, and less on what they need to know for the exam. Every time I get news like this it makes me happy. Today we start on a new class, and it is one that I have taught several times before. I am looking forward to it because unlike the previous class, it is not a ‘For Beginners’ class… or at least, the technologies covered are much more advanced than the Foundations class I just finished with. When I teach a course for beginners, I am always worried that my previous disdain for Level-1 IT Professionals will come through. I have certainly evolved away from that opinion, but I never want what I used to think to show through. I also know that I have much more time for this class and will be able to take a more relaxed pace than with the previous one. It should be fun!

    It is a cooler day today than it has been, owing I suspect to the rain we enjoyed last night. The forecast has up to a 9% chance of precipitation today, but that is from 10am through 4pm, and that drops to no chance of rain by the time I will be ready to walk. The temperatures will top out at 26°C, which for my American friends is a very comfortable 79° Fahrenheit. As long as my feet and knees are not bothering me, I will endeavour to kick it up a bit and beat yesterday’s distance, if not the pace.

    Today is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, but I will not be partaking in anything so frivolous. I am doing extremely well on my weight loss program, and now is not the time to falter. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 190

    While my weight was down this morning, it was only a slight drop, and nothing to counteract the huge jump from yesterday. Nonetheless, I am going to keep on track. I still weighed in above 330-pounds, which is a huge psychological bump for me. I hope that by the weekend I have gotten back below that milestone, which I had thought was behind me.

    When I finished my class last night, I realized I was exhausted. I love teaching, but it does take a lot out of me… especially when I have not been sleeping well, as has been the case. Nonetheless, and despite predictions of rain, I embarked upon a fitness walk. Because I selected footwear that would have been appropriate for the rain, I was not going to be setting any records. The fact that I got out there at all was a victory. That I walked 8km was really huge. Yes, that distance has become my base distance, and I am going to try to do that every day; that does not change the fact that three minutes before I went out, I was trying to decide between walking and going to sleep.

    In the end, it did not rain… although when I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning it started to rain, and from what I see out the window the rain has not stopped. The forecast predicts rain all day, although that prediction is then clarified as a 20% chance of rain most of the day. Sometimes I think that meteorologists were put on this planet to make psychics look credible.

    • Distance: 8.05 km (10 km)
    • Duration: 1:27:37 (1:41:26 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:49 (10:08)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 10m35s
    • Steps: 10.3k (12.4k)
    • Calories burned: 466 (582)
    • Elevation gain: 36m (39.6m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 118 (122)

    I had a great talk with Leslie last night. I really miss her, and know that when I am with her, I am not only happier, I sleep better. We discussed my fitness walking and weight management program. I told her that while she is not the only reason I am losing weight and getting into shape, she is certainly one of them. Among the other reasons are that I would like to look good, and that when I weigh less and am in better shape, I feel better. She reminded me that she loves me for me, and has been attracted to me all along… but she appreciates that I am dedicated to losing weight for myself and for us.

    After a great deal of frustration and aggravation, I was able to book my next trip to see her. The American Airlines website does not seem to like the fact that my credit card is American, even though I am Canadian. There is an option to change countries for the credit card, and when you select it, you are kicked back to the main menu. When you call, they offer to call you back… sometime between two and six hours from now, which when it is already 10pm does not bode well. Leslie was able to log on and do it from her end, and so the day after my classes are done, I am flying off to see her. Yay!

    Today is another fish day. The last ten days I have been buying fresh chicken and fish from the supermarket, forgetting that I had a large bag of Norwegian salmon from Costco. I enjoyed it yesterday, and will do the same for today. Yesterday I had to make myself a second salad with lunch, possibly because the salmon is fewer calories than the chicken. I’m not sure, but I think it was better to have more salad than a cookie.

    I start teaching in fifteen minutes, and I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. Yes, I am that tired. I have not been sleeping well, but I still feel better working and exercising than I would sitting around lazily. I will go through my pot of coffee this morning, and I will make it through the day. I will go for a fitness walk this evening, even if it is raining. On that note, I found a great use for a hat that was gifted to me a couple of weeks ago! Leslie and I (as well as a number of other people I asked) are on the fence about the fashion of the hat… but it will certainly keep my head dry in the rain, and it folds into my walking satchel quite nicely!

    My trip to Dallas is booked for August 24. My goal is to lose at least fifteen pounds by then. That will require a strict regimen of no cheating on the diet, and sticking to my exercise plan. If I do that, then I should be able to get there… let’s see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 189

    I spent most of yesterday afternoon feeling a bit light-headed. When I told Leslie, she suggested I consider taking a day off my walking routine. It has been said by some that I am not very good at taking advice, but this advice I accepted… even though I was kinda jonesing to go for a short walk. Instead, I ran an errand that I had put off for several months, and when I came home, I sat on the patio with a cigar for the first time in several days.

    There are mornings when I step onto the bathroom scale and say ‘Hmph… I was pretty good yesterday, but I am still half a pound up from yesterday.’ On those days I take comfort in knowing that my progress will balance out, and that tomorrow I will be lower than I was yesterday. Then there are days like this morning, when the numbers on the scale are nearly three-pounds higher than yesterday, and I want to hurl the damned thing out the window. How can my weight be that much higher today than yesterday? I know that weight loss will not be a constant and unbroken downward linear graph, but really? A 2.5-pound gain in one day not only is a tough blip, it also tipped me back above my last decade milestone, which is never fun. When you are staying true to the program, you are supposed to look back at milestones, and not fall back and have to achieve it over and over again.

    There were three things that I did differently yesterday that could be factors in this slip, although even if we combine all three, I am truly shocked that my weight was not (as expected) much lower this morning. The first, I did have a Japanese biscuit after my lunch. I have done that a few times before, and that should not be a big deal. Second: I was truly hungry in the evening between my third and fourth meal replacements; I thought about making myself a salad, but decided instead to just cut up a tomato and eat it with a drizzle of salt. Of course, the third is that I did not walk yesterday. The factor that I think actually caused the blip is the tomato… or rather, the salt that I added to it. I seldom add salt to anything, and I know that it can cause water retention. If that is the case, that terrible number on the scale should right itself by tomorrow… as extreme as it is.

    Last night I was speaking with Leslie and we discussed my next visit, and I asked how amazing it would be if I could lose another fifteen to twenty pounds between now and then. She asked if that was possible, and from last night’s perspective I thought it was. In the morning gloom, following the ridiculous weight gain this morning, I wonder if I was overconfident in that prediction. Again, weight loss is not a constant downward linear graph… but on days like today when I gain so much weight, it is easy to lose faith. I do plan to keep on track, but still…

    One of the reasons I was really surprised by the weight gain this morning is the sheer volume of urine I expelled in the previous twelve hours. Twice before bed, and then several times throughout the night, I peed like the proverbial racehorse. I figured that I might be two kilos lighter based on the expelled liquid. No such luck.

    As luck would have it, the forecast for the rest of the day shows a 40% chance of showers between 6-8pm, which is exactly when I would like to be walking. I did not walk yesterday, and I have said before that I am hoping that the positive behavioural change will become a habit. With that said, I will dress for it, and I will go for my walk after class… whether or not I get wet. I will wear an older pair of shoes, I will wear a hat, and I might even bring a light jacket if I feel it is necessary. I will not be breaking any records on my walk, but I will keep up the exercise, and I will still try to walk between 6-8 kilometres, rain or shine.

    When I am done with my walk, I am hoping that my wife and I can have a nice, relaxing long-distance date over video chat. Tonight is the first night in two weeks that her son will be with his father, so we should be able to have a nice and relaxing evening, maybe a little drink and a cigar on the balcony… who knows? I just look forward to spending some time with her, without her having to be on edge that her son will be calling on her to clean up whatever.

    I was still hungry after my lunch, which was salmon and a salad. I decided that instead of having a biscuit, I would make another salad. I should now be able to get through the rest of the day with my meal replacements before and after my walk. If I can, then there is no reason why tomorrow morning the bathroom scale should not be down. Here’s hoping!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 183

    I do not know how far it will go, but the recent changes to my diet routine are paying huge dividends. The bathroom scale has me down another two pounds today. What I mean to say is that when I start a new diet – each time I have started on the meal replacements program – I see profound weight loss for a few days, which will then taper off. What is important is that as I keep losing weight, I should not expect tremendous drops on a daily basis. I have to be satisfied with smaller losses. As Leslie has reminded me many times, a weight loss journey is not always a smooth and steady road.

    With all that said, I cannot imagine that cutting five hundred calories from my daily intake (while at the same time increasing my daily physical activity) can possibly be a bad thing. I seem to recall writing (or at least thinking) when I started the two-meal regimen that I would stick with it as long as I was losing weight… and when I was not, I would make another adjustment. I suppose that time has come, and I am happy to get on it.

    After three days (two religious ones) of my new food plan I have not found myself wanting for more food. Yes, I have felt hunger… but much of it was my stomach telling me it is used to having more, not that it actually needs more. I will keep resisting that nagging, as I would resist a child who wants three new toys instead of just one.

    As I was walking yesterday, it occurred to me that I have not gone back to look at my previous weight loss journals in quite some time. I then realized that today is exactly half a year since I started on this journey, and I have never lasted that long. By this point the first time around, I had already gained back about half of the weight that I had lost. My second go of it lasted longer, but after a few months I took a long hiatus, and came back later. Yes, I would eventually lose a lot more weight… and I would gain it all back.

    I do not want that to happen this time around. My intentions are to keep at it, albeit slightly slower than the previous two times. Unlike those times, I have not cut out real food completely. I have also had a wonderful woman by my side through It all, and while she has not been with me physically for a lot of it, she has been an excellent supporter. I am losing the weight for me… but also for her, and for my kids.

    While I am still in a real funk of a mood, I have been in healthier spirits, owing in large part to my exercise routine. I have gone on two incredible power walks this week, and I did a Taekwondo class on Tuesday… and will do another one this evening. It is keeping me on track, and I have a lot of reasons to stay on that track. As such, this week (or at least the three days of it that are passed) has been my most successful food week in I do not know how long. I have stuck to the plan of eating only one meal each day, and three meal replacement shakes. Yes, Monday I had some of the popcorn (which I then threw out), as well as a Japanese biscuit. Tuesday and Wednesday I did not veer from my program at all, and I can feel the difference.

    While Monday and Tuesday were chicken days, yesterday when I finished my walk (and my article about the walk) I prepared a piece of Atlantic salmon, topped with black sesame seeds, and a few slices of pickled ginger. A garden salad accompanied it, and while the piece of salmon was quite large (nearly 600 calories worth of it) I was still under 1500 calories on the day. Considering the walk/jog I did, I do not feel guilty about it.

    I am enjoying my book. Last night I sat on the patio reading with a cigar, and stayed there until the thunderstorm hit. When I do not have to be on the road, I enjoy the romance of a storm with thunder and lightning, and for the hour before the rain encroached on my balcony, I loved seeing the tremendous lightning from the corner of my eye as I read. I then went inside, had my final meal replacement of the evening, and then went to do some shopping, only to discover that the supermarkets close at 10:00pm, and it was five minutes past the hour. Oh well, I’ll go this morning.

    I am preparing for my class that begins Monday, but there is not really a lot of preparation needed. I am teaching for a new client so I have had a number of meetings with them, mostly about the (mostly) proprietary tools that they expect me to use. None of these are overly complicated. One of the people I needed to talk to is a senior instructor there, and we figured out that we have at least two colleagues in common, one of whom is among my dearest friends. It is nice when meetings do not have to be all business.

    My legs were really feeling the effects of my walking in the afternoon, and my housekeeper friend joked that I looked wobbly. I told her about my exercise, and that since I saw her last, I am down ten pounds. As she has gained five pounds in that time, she stopped harassing me. I do not know why exactly, but she only weighs herself on my scale… and my scale reports her weight to my phone as an unknown weight. I am glad it is smart enough to realize that no matter how strict I am about my diet and exercise, I cannot possibly lose 185-pounds in six weeks!

    I would imagine that were it sentient, my fitness watch would be wondering what has changed. I am blowing through 15,000 steps several days per week, which has not been the norm for a while. I hope to keep it up, and continue to surprise it.

    As I prepared for yesterday’s walk, I realized that my new workout shorts were in the laundry, and I decided to see what other workout shorts I have that fit. I pulled out maybe six pair from the bottom drawer, and sure enough, at least one pair (and possibly two) fit me just fine. I also found a sleeveless t-shirt that almost fits me, and knowing how hot it was, I decided to wear it anyways. I had vowed some months ago that I would never again go out in public wearing a shirt that exposed an inch (or any) of my belly… but when I am power-walking and jogging in the 35° heat, I would rather comfort over looks. Also, if anyone commented, I would simply say that I am wearing it to inspire me to exercise to fit into it!

  • Day 182

    In an hour I will be going to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I am optimistic that I will be down at least one kilogram since my last weigh-in. That day – my fiftieth birthday – feels like a lifetime ago. I know that for the few days after my birthday my weight went up gradually a few pounds – birthday celebrations will have their consequences – but as of yesterday morning, my weight was two pounds lower than it was on my birthday, and I was good yesterday, so just maybe I’ll hit that.

    —

    Okay, I am back… and I did not hit that target, but I also did not miss it by much. .8kg is about 1.75 lbs, and considering the fortnight it has been, I am going to take it and run.

    Emotionally I am still a wreck, but I am staying on course. Yesterday I had a cheese omelet in the morning (I had three eggs left, and it is a shame to waste them), chicken with salad for lunch, and a meal replacement shake when I came in from Taekwondo in the evening. I only did the one Taekwondo class last night, for several reasons… not the least of which is that the dojang (gym) is not air conditioned, and the heat was oppressive. Also, I know that if I am going to get back into it, which I want to do, I have to do it smartly. It would not do to hurt myself, forcing me to take a break from exercising today and possibly tomorrow through the weekend.

    I uninstalled Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from my phone yesterday. I am truly in a rut and do not want to be social. Hopefully that will change, but for the next little while I will be ignoring all social media. Fortunately, I am starting a new teaching assignment that will last nearly an entire month starting Monday, so I will have what to keep my mind occupied with. I love teaching, and I hate that I have essentially been sitting on my butt for the last few months. Don’t get me wrong, I have been keeping myself busy… but I have not earned a pay cheque since May, and that is no way for a man to be. Yes, I have money in the bank and have been able to live off of that, but that is not how I want to live. I have always said that I want to be a productive member of society… and aside from that, even if I did not, my savings will eventually run dry. I do not want that to happen!

    When will I go back to Facebook and the other social media platforms? I don’t know. I am not planning to use them on my computer either, if that is what you were thinking. I am taking a break from them. Yesterday I posted that I am going dark for a little while. I did not wait to read responses to that, I just closed out. When I am feeling better, I will think about it… maybe.

    Today is Wednesday, July 20, and I have decided to set a new short-term goal. Because of my upcoming teaching schedule, my next doctor’s appointment and weigh-in is August 24, precisely five weeks from today. On that day, I will weigh (at least) seven kilos (about 15.5 pounds) less than I do today. How, you ask, do I plan to kick up my weight loss up so much? I started this week, and will continue to eat only one proper meal per day (instead of two), and I will replace that second meal with another meal replacement (or two). For the last six months it has been two meals (one of which was usually a salad with salmon or tuna) and two meal replacements. For the next five weeks I will eat one proper meal (which will remain largely unchanged from what my primary meal has been) and three meal replacement shakes. I also plan to exercise every evening after class – Tuesdays and Thursdays will be Taekwondo; the other nights will be a power walk. I am growing impatient with the sluggish pace of weight loss, which has been good but not great. Yes, I know it is a marathon and not a sprint… but some marathoners run faster than others. For me, it is time to hit that Turbo-Boost button and get going. If I can do that, then hopefully by November I can weigh in at under 300-pounds (136kg).

    Those are far from my ultimate goal. By my fifty-first birthday, I would like to weigh 100 lbs (45.5kg) less than I do today. Can I accomplish that? I do not know. I do know that if I set lofty goals for myself, then stick to the plan, then even if I miss them, I can be satisfied by the results. What is most important is that I do not do what I have now done twice… lost a lot of weight, and then fall of the program and gain it all back. Whether I lose 100 lbs or only 50 lbs, I have to stay vigilant to never regain that weight again.

    In the meantime: One of my favourite living authors releases a new book in his series every July. Traditionally, I buy the book on my Kobo (e-reader), and when I am done with it then my father’s widow will read it. Of course, last year was the first year that it was not my father grabbing it as soon as I was done with it, before handing it off to Esti. She will get it when I am done with it… and that usually takes a couple of days. I started it on the balcony last night, and it will keep me occupied possibly through the weekend.

    With my weigh-in behind me, I am going to finish my first cup of coffee and my meal replacement shake, and then I am going to go for a walk. I am not expecting to smash any records like I did Monday, but I would like to get at least seven kilometres in, and if I can do that in 1h15 minutes then I will be extremely happy. I know it is going to be an extremely hot day – There is a heat warning for the next few days, with the high temperatures in the mid-80s every day (29°-32° Celsius), so I will bring a lot of water. It is almost amusing that what we consider scorching hot here is almost balmy in Dallas, where the next week high temperatures are over 100° Fahrenheit every day. Well, I am here, and here’s weather is what I have to deal with.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 173

    I am not surprised that I gained four pounds over the weekend, and nearly six pounds since the day of my birthday. It could have been worse. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that in my sadness yesterday evening I had two large bowls of cereal right before bed. Yes, I had a great time at the concert with Lyle and Dorothy and Tamara, but I miss Leslie when she is not there, and so rather than having something reasonable to quench my hunger, I sat down at the table at midnight and chowed down. Today will be better, and tomorrow’s numbers on the scale will be as well.

    Of course, tomorrow morning I am driving to Montreal, which means I will have to be extra vigilant with sticking to my diet, or at least to eating reasonably healthy. At Leslie’s I was able to control what I ate because Leslie and I did the shopping, and she does a good job of helping me to stay honest and on track. While we are meeting up Friday in Long Island, I will be on my own at my friends’ house tomorrow through Friday, and there will be a lot of long-distance driving to boot. There is only one person who can keep me on track, and I shave his face in the mirror every morning.

    I have a neighbour who will be looking after Princess Sophie for the week. She is so wonderful, and I will miss her. Leslie told me that her son really wants to meet her, but first things first. He will meet me on Friday, and next month he will meet Her Royal Floofness.

    I have had a headache for the past hour, so I am going to finish up a couple of things and then try to relax with a cigar, and hopefully talk with my wife.

    Have a great day!