Losing a part of me

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  • Day 88

    There is a psychological characteristic in me that does not seem to want to accept certain types of moderation. I am not talking about food intake… although I suppose I am a glutton when I do not check myself. No, what I mean is this: I feel that when I veer from my program, even a little, I will be punished the following day on the bathroom scale.

    Yesterday (Saturday) I had my morning shake, and then around 11:00am HRF Princess Sophie and I hit the road. We drove to Caledon to see my friend (and now hers) Jacqueline, and her young puppy (I think she is six months old) Charley. A wonderful time was had, but shortly after we left the house, I realized that I had not taken any meal replacements with me. We stopped in at Bulk Barn, where I purchased a bag of red-skinned peanuts. Remember the previous day, when I bought a bag of peanuts from the convenience store? That bag cost me $5.99, and the peanuts were salted. This bag cost me $1.50, and the peanuts were exactly the way I like them. I enjoyed them as we drove up north.

    Jacqueline knows that I am on a diet, and also respects that it is Passover, so even if I was not on a diet, I really cannot eat any snack she might put out. She offered me coffee, which I enjoyed. We had a great time catching up – it had been far too long!

    We hit the road a little after 5:00pm, and no thanks to Waze on my iPhone, we got to the supermarket around 6:00pm. I know, I wrote yesterday that I would bring her home before going shopping, but we were an hour later than I thought we would be, and it was warm and sunny. Princess Sophie climbed up onto the back dash to sun herself while I ran in and picked up everything that I needed… except one crucial item. Oops.

    We got home and I put the chicken into the air fryer, and the rest of it into freezer bags. It was only then, as I was getting ready to prepare my salad, that I realized that I had run out of balsamic vinegar the previous evening. Okay, I had a choice: Either I could make my salad another way (and while there are myriad ways to season a salad, I did not have too many options in the house), or I could forego the salad, and instead steam a head of broccoli. I opted for that second option, adding a bit of onion as well. I spread much less margarine than I had on my previous attempt, but also added some cheese (but not a lot). I forgot to add salt, but that is not the end of the world.

    Spoiler alert: While steamed broccoli can be quite tasty, steamed onion is less so… at least, not the way I prepared it. I ate it, but it was nothing to write home about.

    Later in the evening I had another meal replacement shake. That was the extent of my food intake yesterday.

    If you look at what I consumed, I obviously did not gorge myself. I did not eat tons of bad food, or even overeat the good ones. Yes, I had a little margarine and shredded cheese on my broccoli. Yes, I had a handful of peanuts (which replaced a meal). With all that, how could I possibly not lose weight?

    I did. After yesterday’s colossal two-pound gain (which followed the previous two day’s 1.5 lbs gain, I was hoping to be down at least a little. I was down a full three pounds from yesterday, and while I am not back to my best weigh-in of the last week, I am damned close to it… and most importantly, I am back under the 350-pound mark.

    I will mention as well that I think that moving the scale from the bathroom to the bedroom has done tremendous good for the stability of my weigh-ins. While I am neither an architect nor a builder, I suspect that the floors immediately adjacent to a load-bearing brick wall will necessarily be more stable than one nowhere near an outside wall, when the floor in the apartment has already been established as not reliably stable. It (the scale) is now under my window, which means I can just leave my phone on the ledge when I weigh in (which allows it to register the weight). Over the past few days (since I moved it) I know that there has been much less up-and-down before settling on a final weight… and so there it will remain.

    My plans for today: I am picking up the cleaning lady from the train station in about an hour. I would have stopped at the store to pick up a bottle of balsamic vinegar, but guess what? Yep, the stores are closed again for Easter Sunday. Sigh. I suppose for my salad today I will be making a slightly different dressing, with the fixings that I do have.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 87

    I almost asked for a recount. I got onto the scale this morning and was a full two pounds over what I weighed yesterday morning. I am back above 350 lbs, and I am not happy about it. I will focus today to get back to where I was… focused.

    This morning’s weight gain was not a surprise. I went to see Lyle and Dorothy yesterday, and as I headed for home, I stopped to pick up a small container of milk. I was hungry, which is never the right time to walk into a convenience store. In fact, when you are dieting there is never a good time to walk into a store whose entire business model is to sell you fattening and unhealthy foods that are overpriced. I picked up an all-beef pepperoni, and a bag of peanuts (in addition to the 2% milk). By the time I got home half an hour later, all that was left was the milk, and the empty wrappers.

    I was not feeling particularly weak when I walked into the store. I was not sad or despondent. I was simply tempted by the myriad food choices that were all calling out to me.

    It was far too windy for a cigar yesterday evening, but I did have my holiday dinner. A piece of fish, a piece of chicken, a bowl of chicken soup. I should have cut one of those three out… but it was the holiday, and I defrosted what I defrosted, and that’s life.

    I am relieved that last night I finished the last of the expired meal-replacement shakes. Some of them tasted better than others, but they were the old formula, and the new ones taste so much better. I am enjoying my first new one in several weeks. Aside from better flavour, they are also creamier and smoother. I am definitely glad that the old ones are done, and if another lot of them comes up for sale I will be passing on them.

    Today I am going to do my best to get back on track. In a little while, HRF Princess Sophie and I will head out to see my friends Jacqueline and Matt, and their puppy Charley. We will not be out too late – I plan to hit the road to come home around 4:00pm. I do have to do some shopping today, but I will likely drop Sophie at home first, and then head out anew. While she does not really mind it, I do not like leaving her alone in the car while I go into the store. I need to pick up chicken and fish, some veggies, and of course my distilled water. I cannot think of anything else that I will need.

    Leslie’s plane is landing at Pearson International Airport in twenty-three days and twelve hours… if anyone is wondering how badly I miss her. We speak for hours every day, but it is not the same. Yes, it is true… the fact that she will be here in just over twenty-three days means that in just over twenty-four days we will be in Cuba, and I am excited about that… but I am much more excited to see my girl.

    It is a beautiful day outside today. Last night’s rain seems to have washed away the dirt, and there is nowhere near the kind of gusting winds we had yesterday. I strongly suspect that there might be a cigar in my future.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 86

    I cheated last night… twice. I paid for it this morning on the bathroom scale.

    I had wanted to try to steam either broccoli or cauliflower for a few weeks, and I decided that last night was the night. I put a crown of broccoli into a corning ware with some water. I spread some margarine on it, covered the pot, and put it into the microwave. I asked Lyle how long I should leave it in for, and he told me that five minutes should do… but I should really cut it up first. Oops. Too late for that. When it might have been done, I pulled it out of the microwave, sprinkled it with salt… and grated cheese. I gave it another minute in the microwave, and then voila, it was served. It tasted delicious… but neither the margarine nor the cheese was part of the diet program. It was not the worst thing in the world though, right?

    Later on, during my class but after the dinner break, I was still hungry. I decided to munch on some salt and vinegar rice crackers that I had bought for Leslie. I will have to buy her more, because I finished them off.

    Two cheats in a day must be punished… and the scale took back some weight from yesterday. If I am going to be under 350 lbs clothed on my next weigh-in at the doctor’s office on Wednesday, I cannot cheat much more this weekend. I will need to stay on track. I suppose then that it is a good thing I was not invited to a Passover Seder this year. Yes, it is sad… but as much as I love the holiday, I know that the foods at the Seder are too tempting for me to turn down. Next year, when I am at my ideal weight, I can make the Seder a cheat meal.

    I had just finished writing the paragraph of what I need to buy at the supermarket today… only to realize that the supermarkets are closed today for Good Friday. Oops. The simple revised answer to ‘what’s for dinner?’ is: Whatever I have in the freezer! I don’t know if I have any chicken left, but I know I have a piece of salmon, so that might be it. I have enough veggies for lunch and dinner, and while I might run out of milk on my second cup of coffee, that I can buy at any convenience store. I also have distilled water on my shopping list, but that is not an urgency, that is for the next time the humidifier in my humidor runs dry.

    I just checked, and I have a very small piece of chicken, and a very small piece of salmon in the freezer. I am defrosting both, and my Passover meal will be a multi-course dinner… with a salad, of course. It just occurred to me that I might have a container of chicken broth in the freezer. While I cannot make matzah balls (I wasn’t even able to find matzah when the stores were open), I can at least have a nice bowl of chicken soup with vegetables. I might need to find some carrots and maybe a couple of other veggies – the only one I have that would go into the soup is onion. No worries, I will make do.

    I have a study session to join for the course I am taking, and after that I will make a salad for lunch, and then I’ll head over to Lyle and Dorothy’s for a few hours. It will be good to spend a few hours with friends.

    Have a great day folks… and whatever holiday you are celebrating this weekend… enjoy it!

  • Day 85

    I splurged a little bit and picked up some peanuts when I was at the supermarket yesterday, but that was really my only cheat. Oh, and I had a bunch of lozenges again.

    I am completely fed up with my bathroom scale. This morning I got ten different readings in a six-pound range. You would be fed up too. I decided in the end, after moving the scale into the bedroom and trying again, to keep two measurements in my journal – the one from the bathroom that was about the same as yesterday’s reading, and the one from the bedroom (which has me one pound heavier than yesterday). I am not going to move simply because I live in a nice apartment with absolutely terrible floors… but there are days when I am tempted to.

    My eye has now been bothering me for three days. It was because of that I thought to walk into an optometrist near my barber to make an appointment for a checkup. That will be next week, which is not a problem… or is it?

    It was supposed to be a relaxing day, and when I got back from having my haircut and doing some shopping, I made lunch (the usual), and then decided that I might like to take a little nap. I was not nearly asleep when Leslie called on video chat, and she asked about my eye. She told me that she could tell it was getting worse, and I decided that I would go to the walk-in clinic to see if there was anything seriously wrong with it. Sure enough, it looks like there’s a minor scratch on the eyeball. I have to put drops in twice per day (blech!) for the next five days, and I am wearing an eye patch for a few days to try to rest that eye. Hopefully it will be completely healed in time for my appointment with the optometrist, but I will ask her about it anyways.

    I defrosted chicken for dinner and had the usual chicken leg quarters and a salad. I had a shake for breakfast and another for my evening snack, and so aside from the peanuts, I did exactly what I should be doing. Even though the temperatures were pretty warm (I wore a short sleeve shirt out today, although it was a bit chilly when I walked from the barbershop to the bank and optometrist… in the rain) I did not have time to sit on the patio with a cigar… the surprise trip to the clinic fixed that. Hopefully today I will be able to do that.

    Today is Thursday. I have some reading to do, but aside from that, it is only my class this evening. The forecast predicts rain until around 1:00pm, at which point the sun will come out. I will stay inside until then and will go outside for a cigar and some reading once the weather is a bit nicer. I decided to wear Leslie’s favourite shirt today, and I hope that when the sun comes out it will be warm enough that I can show it off for her. Other than that, the plan is to try to enjoy the day. I hope you enjoy it too!

  • Losing and Gaining and Losing Again

    I wrote earlier about the times I have lost weight, and then gained it back. After I finished that piece, I decided to go back to look and see just how long it takes to fall from grace.

    The first time I lost the weight, I was following a medically supervised intensive program. I lost one hundred pounds in just over twelve weeks. It was great! I was feeling wonderful, I was looking better than I had in years. The Province of Ontario’s medical insurance (Ontario Health Insurance Program, or OHIP) allows you to do the program only once, and only for twelve weeks. After that, they essentially kick you to the kerb. I struggled to stay on track; I even tried to get back on the program. Unfortunately, the discipline required to restart once you have stopped was, at the time, beyond me. In July 2017 I weighed my best, around 265 lbs. By New Years or so I was back up around the 300 lbs mark. A year and a half later, in July 2019, I weighed around 370 lbs.

    My next honest try was in California. It was still supervised by a doctor, but this time I was paying for it out of pocket. I did not stay true to the program for one extended period of time, but over the next fourteen months I dropped down to my absolute best weight, 260.8 lbs on September 28, 2020. It was two months later that I last popped back over the 290 lbs mark, and on December 22 of that year I was back over three hundred pounds. I got back down to just under 285 lbs toward the end of January 2021, but on February 18 I was back above 300 lbs, where I have been ever since. By March 18 I was at 320 lbs, and around the day my father died (April 19) I was over 330 lbs. On the morning I flew back to Canada (July 16, 2021) I weighed in at 348.2 lbs. Over the next six months, during which I did not really weigh myself, I gained another forty-five pounds.

    I was not able to accurately weigh myself then, but on January 20, 2022, I was at my heaviest weight ever, somewhere around 392 lbs.

    Let’s recap: In August 2017 I weighed 262, and twenty-three months later I weighed 370. In September 2020 I weighed 260.8, and seventeen months later I weighed 390.

    If ever there was proof that I cannot let my guard down ever, and that this struggle with my weight is one that I will need to actively fight until the day that I die, it is those numbers right there. It took me less than two years to gain 108 lbs. It took me less than a year and a half to gain nearly 130 lbs.

    All it takes is my letting my guard down, thinking that I can eat the way I used to eat… or more accurately, not thinking about how or what I eat.

    I have lost about forty-five pounds in the last eighty-four days; at this rate, I will be down to my ideal weight in just under a year. It has taken a lot of hard work, willpower, and sacrifice to get this far, and I know it will take even more to get to where I want to be. I cannot throw all of that away again. I’ve already done it twice; this time – the third time has to be the charm. If not, I am eventually going to eat myself into an early grave – in a coffin that will break the backs of six pallbearers.

    The third time is the charm; with dedication and perseverance – and the love of a wonderful woman – I will get to where I want to be, and I will stay there.

  • Day 84

    I regained half a pound from yesterday, but that is not surprising, knowing that I had lost over a pound over the last few days. I am still maintaining below 350 lbs, which is confidence inspiring. It means that what I have been doing is working.

    It is likely that before I finish this article, My Weight Loss Diary 2022 will hit eighty thousand words… not to mention the 120 pages that I am glad are not on paper. It is the third journal I have started over the past five years, which would be filling well over five hundred pages if I were to ever print them all out. I would not be worried about all of that paper if I knew that I could inspire readers with huge success; as it is, with two failed attempts behind me (which is to say, I have lost over one hundred pounds twice and gained them all back twice), I would consider it a waste of paper and dead trees to print them out.

    Yes, I am a little fatalistic this morning. While they do say that the third time is a charm, I also know that I have been addicted to food – primarily, the wrong foods – for far too long. I know that I have to not only succeed at the diet now, but I have to then find a way to maintain the weight loss for the rest of my life. Even if I do not get back to my absolute ideal weight, I cannot slip back into my old ways. In September of 2020 – less than two years ago – I weighed 260 pounds. I was still about sixty pounds overweight, but I was also ninety pounds (more or less) lighter than I am today… and a good one hundred and thirty pounds lighter than I was on Day 1. Okay, I fell off the program… but instead of finding a way to maintain my weight, I slipped back into my old unhealthy ways. Yes, there were all sorts of stresses that can explain why it happened… Yes, I lost my job, and yes, I lost my visa status (although to be fair, I did not realize that at the time). Yes, my father passed away. Yes, I ended up very suddenly and unexpectedly moving back to Canada. All of those were terrible things… but I still should have found a way to not fall back into my old ways.

    A little over a month ago, I had a terrible day. It was not yet noon when I told Leslie that I was off the diet for the day. I went to Wendy’s and got a burger and fries. I can’t remember what else I ate that day, but I ate a lot more that day. I was bad. I was terrible. The next morning, as I had told her I would, I was back on track. I did exactly what I should have done in September, 2020… I had a cheat day, and then I got right back onto the horse. In September 2020 after the Jewish High Holidays, the rabbi gathered his volunteers (of which I was one) and gave us all cookies and tequila. I figured, “What the Hell? It’s only one night!” I then went to the supermarket and picked up fried chicken for dinner. Only the special was however many pieces for five dollars, and that was enough for a few meals. I ate it that night, the following night, and the next night as well… and my diet was done. The downward spiral began and did not stop until January of this year… one hundred and thirty pounds later.

    I cannot let that happen again. I need to stay focused, but if I lose my way for a day, I have to get right back onto the horse… not the next week, rather the next day. I have to keep on track. That is the only way I will ever be able to lose the weight and keep it off permanently. That is my goal.

    I wrote about my food intake for yesterday last night. During the lectures, I went through a bunch of sugar-free lozenges. I suspect that despite them being sugar-free, they will still be bad for my weight loss. No matter, they helped to stave off my hunger until I got over the emotional roller coaster. During the dinner break, as planned, I had my last shake of the evening. At our last break, I was truly hungry, and I had one of the meal-replacement bars (160 calories instead of the 225 in the shakes), but that won’t kill me. I drank more water throughout the evening than I have been doing, and so my rest room breaks were more frequent than they have been.

    I made the decision, and have discussed it with Leslie, that I will be taking a hiatus from my diet while we are in Cuba. More accurately, from the time I pick her up from the airport the night before we leave until the time I drop her off at the airport after we are back, I will be mindful of what I eat, but I will not be dieting. That means that I can eat and drink freely in Cuba… I just want to be careful not to gain too much back. I also need to promise myself that immediately upon after that time period I get back on the wagon, which means the morning of May 18th I will be back on the program. That happens to be the day that HRF Princess Sophie goes to the spa, but that is not important. The diet resumes that morning!

  • Cravings

    I dropped Leslie off at the airport a few hours ago and miss her already. After trying (unsuccessfully) to run a couple of errands, I came home to make dinner. I made boneless and skinless chicken breasts that I had been marinating since yesterday, and I a nice salad. I have to remember to buy more lettuce tomorrow. I think I have all of the other vegetables I usually put into my salad, but I will check before I go out.

    Following my meal, I was still hungry… or at least I felt hungry. I wanted to eat something else… and I know that I have a lot of food in the house that I could have turned to. I was tempted to have a meal replacement bar to satisfy my cravings, but I decided not to do that either. I know that the hunger is not real, rather it is my emotions telling me that since Leslie is gone… since I am sad, I should fill the void with food. I drank two glasses of water and washed the dishes instead of eating, and then came to my desk to join my class. Sometime in about two hours, the instructor will give us a twenty-minute break for dinner, and I will have my evening shake. I am glad that I had the willpower to overcome the temptation, and to defeat my emotions.

    One tool that I could have used when overcoming the temptation is my blog. This morning, when I got off the scale and saw how well I had done – and how much weight I have lost over the last few days. I have lost six pounds since Thursday morning, and I was elated each morning when I got off the scale. I do not want to ruin all of that with what… a jar of peanut butter and a spoon? Whatever I might have eaten, it would not have been as satisfying as knowing that this weekend I put on a pair of jeans that had not fit in a year and a half. I also know that a single misstep can begin a slippery slope that would lead to all of those great colourful and flowery shirts and bathing suits that I bought for our Cuba trip no fitting me.

    I won’t do it. I will check myself every time I feel the need to indulge. I will call Leslie I will call my diet buddy if she is not available. I will do whatever I need to do in order to not fall off. I have come so far… I have not lost fifty pounds yet, but it is close. While I am nowhere near where I want to be, losing nearly fifty pounds is huge, and I have vowed to not go back. Every bit of progress, every milestone, every pants size, every pound lost is a bit of progress, milestone, pants size, and pound that I never want to see again. I know I will fall from time to time – I have done so already, and I am sure I will again – but falling down and getting right back up again is so much better than falling down and giving up. I will remember the Japanese saying… Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

    I am going to start paying attention to my class, but I will be back tomorrow morning. As I seem to write at the end of every article… Have a great evening!

  • Day 83

    It is extremely important on days when I do not lose (or actually gain) weight that I take not of and remember all of the cheats that I took throughout the day… even if they are minor and insignificant. It is equally important on days when I lose weight – especially significant loss – to do the same. This morning I woke up and I was more than a full pound down from my weight yesterday morning, and I am thrilled about it.

    I did, however, have a number of minor cheats and deviations from the program. For example, I made Leslie a tuna melt on a challah roll for lunch. I prepared enough tuna for her sandwich and for me to have a bowl of it. I used low-fat mayonnaise, as well as onions (of course). For her sandwich, I added extra mayo onto the roll, and sprinkled generous amounts of shredded cheddar into it. I also melted butter into the bottom of the pan that I heated it in. It looked and smelled delicious; suddenly my tuna salad looked boring. Leslie ate most of her sandwich, but when she left over a bit of it, I took three bites of it. The difference that the cheese and butter and challah roll made was night and day. It was absolutely delicious! I am glad I did not make one for myself, but I am glad I got to taste it.

    I had a couple of pieces of dried mango, which were also absolutely delicious. I limited it to two pieces, which was enough to satisfy my cravings.

    For dinner (our last dinner together for nearly a month) I prepared a couple of gorgeous salmon steaks, and she prepared the jasmine rice. The scheduling screwed us up for eating together, but the food tasted delicious. The rice is not on my plan, but I did not see the harm in having a little bit… especially since Leslie prepared it with love.

    It is extremely important that I remember that I got away with these cheats yesterday, but that I cannot make a habit of it. I will not say to myself ‘Well, I had some challah bread and rice that day and I lost weight, so I guess I can always do that!’ That would be a bad idea. I need to remember that there are some things that I can take a bit of for the occasional cheat that I cannot make a regular part of my diet. Just like when I do reach my ideal weight, there are some foods that I will be able to enjoy very rarely for a special occasion but cannot be a regular part of my diet.

    One of the phrases that the original program that I went through kept telling us – and that I truly believe is the key to long-term success – is that I need to break my unhealthy relationship with food, which means that so many of the foods that I used to love on a regular basis cannot ever be that again. Not only that, but I will also have to adjust my idea of a regular portion size. If I can do those two things – stop craving the fattening (and terribly fattening, and disgustingly fattening) foods, and keep a better handle on my portions (of healthy and especially of unhealthy food), then I should be able to get thin and to stay thin. That means that I should not go searching for whatever tempting foods that my loving girlfriend might have hidden from me in anticipation of her leaving. Yes, I was able to eschew the bag of dried mangos that sat next to her desk all week… but that was a short-term resistance; It was resisting temptation while she was here, and even if I was to get tempted, she was here to support me and to encourage me to make the smart decisions – the right decisions. When she is gone, when I am down and despondent and low, and especially while I am sitting at my desk for five hours every night listening to a mostly boring class for the next three weeks, it would be so easy to reach over there and grab a handful… just one would be all that it would take for me to finish the bag. I cannot do that.

    I sometimes take for granted how helpful Leslie is to my weight loss. Her presence here is so important for many reasons, not the least of which is that I would be ashamed if she saw me chow down on fattening and unhealthy foods. She has told me time and again that she loves me and will love me no matter what… and I believe her. To the extent that she needs to do so, she has proven that over and over again. It was never she who was encouraging me to start the diet, and she has told me time and again that I should not be dieting for her. She has also told me, since I started my diet, that she remembers sitting with me before the diet, and being amazed at the amount of food I could consume. She never said it in a judging way, rather in response to something that I said about how I have to change my ways. I am so grateful to have her in my life, and while I am not dieting for her, I hope that by losing the weight I will be able to live a longer and healthier life with her. Today is the day that she and I always dread – the day I have to drive her to the airport, the day we set the countdown timer to her next visit (27.5 days, for those who are counting down with us). I am going to miss her terribly, but I have to make sure that in her absence I do not fall off the food wagon. It may not be fast enough for my liking, but I have been losing the weight at a decent pace, and I have to continue to do so… whether the love of my life is here or not.

    It is the most gorgeous day of the week. The sun is shining, and the temperatures are in the mid-teens. Once I have posted today’s article, I will sit on the patio with a cigar while Leslie is working. When she is ready, we will get into the car for that sad drive, but we do so knowing that the next time she arrives – four weeks from tonight – we will be together again… and we will be going on vacation to the islands the following day!

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 82

    While my weight yesterday morning did go up from the previous day’s, it was only by half a pound. Today it is back to where it was on Saturday, which means that for the third day in a row I have remained below 350 lbs.

    The last few days I have been sharing an omelet with Leslie; I am relieved that these have not pushed my weight up at all. That is not to say that I will continue to make them for myself when she goes home, but I am happy that I it has not hurt my progress. I am relieved that Lyle and Dorothy did not want us to stay for dinner yesterday, and so before we left the house, Leslie marinated a couple of pieces of chicken, which we ate with her yummy rice. I succumbed to the temptation of a couple of pieces of her dried mango, but aside from that I was good.

    Another huge non-scale victory is that I noticed a significant drop in the size of my belly and of my (groan!) man-boobs. It is not something that I have been paying ongoing attention to, but I know that they were GIGANTIC and now they are significantly less so. I think I will take this opportunity to measure my chest… okay, I am back… and I have lost about 2 inches on each of the three measurements. Woohoo… but I still have a long way to go.

    I am going to pick up fish for dinner again, and while I am out shopping, I will have to remember to pick up Kleenex and vegetables… as well as eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast. If I can find a pack of 6 eggs that would be great, but I am not holding my breath.

    I have been told to hold off on working on my customer until they figure out their budget for Q2. That means I have some reading to do, which I will do on the balcony with a cigar. I also have to go shopping, which I will do when Leslie gets onto her next call. She just told me that she has never tasted a bagel that she liked, so I am going to see if Fortino’s has a good Montreal bagel for her to try. They would not be authentic, but they would still be better than any bagel that has ever set foot in the State of Texas. That is not to say that I will buy one for myself… but I will buy one for her to try.

    Later this afternoon, Leslie and I have to drive out to Etobicoke to run an errand, which will be a couple of hours of our lives that we will never get back. Don’t get me wrong, we will be happy to be together in the car… but we would be equally happy being together not in the car.

    I have made another decision. If next week, when I get weighed at the doctor’s office, my weight in my clothes is still below 350 lbs, then I am going to treat myself to a steak. I have not prepared any beef for myself since January, and although I have had beef a couple of times (such as at Ryan’s house the other night), it has not been a juicy homemade steak. That will be my one guilty treat to commemorate my accomplishment.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 81

    On Day 12, I wrote that I sorted all of my clothes into five storage bins. This afternoon, with Leslie by my side, I opened the one that read “Pants and Shorts, Size 42.” There were several pair of shorts and pants. The first pair that I tried on fit fine, but they are an ugly pair of black pants, and I decided to put them into the pile marked ‘Donate to Cuba.’ That they fit was only a minor victory, because they were a pair of stretch pants from Walmart.

    The next pair that I tried on did not fit… nor did one pair of shorts. Everything else in the bin fit! This was a huge non-scale victory… and the piece de resistance was the pair of Levi’s 501 button-fly jeans, which are usually the last pair in a size that will fit. Guess what I wore the rest of the day? You guessed it… My Levi’s! I always saw Levi’s as a real indicator of progress. The first time I lost a lot of weight was when I was testing for my Black Belt; I remember we (the family) were down in Buffalo, and the mall had a Levi’s outlet store. I decided to try on a pair to see… mostly because I remembered one time going into a similar store and being told that Levi’s did not make pants in my size. When they fit, I was elated.

    I was elated yesterday too… and probably more so. The fact that Leslie was here to celebrate a huge milestone was so wonderful for me. Over the next few months there will be many more milestones, and whether she is here with me in person, or if we share them over the phone, I am so happy to have her in my life and as my weight-loss (and improved-health) cheerleader!

    There were three pair of shorts that either fit or nearly fit… which means that in a month when we fly to Cuba they will fit perfectly. If I have three pair of Size-42 shorts that fit, then I will be donating all of my Size-44 shorts. I have made the decision that this is it… once I have three pair of Size-42 pants that fit I am done… after that, I will never wear a Size-44 again.

    We drove out to Cambridge, where we spent the afternoon and evening with Ryan, Glenn, Lindsay and her boyfriend. As always, a good time was had by all. We watched the last bit of The Masters on TV, and I played a few rounds of darts against Glenn. It is great playing against someone who has been drinking all afternoon… not matter how poorly I might throw, there is very little chance of my actually losing a game.

    Yesterday and today, we shared an omelet. I made it with three eggs, cauliflower, onion, mushrooms, and a little bit of cheese (although yesterday I skipped the cheese). Leslie calls it the Omelet of Justice and Power and Might… we love being silly together, and I love that we can be serious but also fun and silly. I just might have to do something drastic…

    Today we will head on over to Lyle and Dorothy’s house for a few hours, and then we will come home for dinner. While it is nice to see our friends, we also have too little time together, so spending time together alone is hugely important.

    Have a great day folks!