Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 436–Best Weight Ever!

    I honestly did not think that it would happen today. I expected to step onto the bathroom scale to see that I had lost .2 or .4, or even stayed the same as yesterday. Of course, I have been on the watch for it for the last few days. When I looked down at the numbers transmitted from the device to my smartphone and saw that I was not at, but actually just under my best weight from 2005… I do not know how to describe the emotions that went through my head, my heart, my whole body. I do not know when it was that my weight first crept above that number, but as it is only about 40-45 lbs. more than I likely weighed when I finished my Army service, and knowing how terribly I ate for those first three years (not to mention the last six months of my service) and it is easy to assume that it was well before Y2K. I know that in 2004-5 it dropped from 295 to 255, only to start climbing again when my first wife left me. I am, as of this morning, the lowest weight I have ever weighed in this millennium. I am trying to remain calm and composed as I am jumping out of my skin.

    Until just five days ago I was talking about the comparative chart from my weight loss journey in 2020. While I first beat that number on Wednesday of last week, I decided to keep charting it… especially after this weekend, when I faltered, and my weight jumped, popping above that number for one day. On the race from 285.2 lbs. (I weighed the same the day after I returned from my previous trip to Dallas on February 3 as I did on July 21, 2020) to the best weight of 2020 (September 27, 2020), it took me 48 days to reach and 53 days to stay below that milestone. On each of those days I was 9 and 6.4 lbs. below the corresponding day’s weight from 2020. In 2020 I know I only stayed at that weight for one single day, and then started a gradual (and eventually not-so-gradual) climb back up. New Years Day 2021 I weighed 305.4. Over the next few months, I was still putting in some effort… I see that there was a week in January of that year when my weight was fluctuating between 2-3-285 lbs. In mid-February of 2021 my weight jumped above the 300 lbs. mark for the last time, staying there for twenty-three months. Since January 12 (when it dropped to 299 lbs.) I have lost 44.2 lbs., and I plan to keep going.

    My efforts on the treadmill yesterday were not spectacular, but I was still out there doing it. I jogged the first bit, then walked another 2km before calling it a day.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 4.09km (8.4km)
    • Duration: 34:22 (1:02:42)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m24s (7m27s)
    • Steps: 5,200 (9,475)
    • Calories burned: 450 (1,117)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (151)

    I mentioned over the last couple of days that I was having issues with my bowels. It was at the gym yesterday that I started to feel some discomfort, which would eventually get worse and even interfere with my sleep. No, it was not intestinal, rather an issue that I have experienced a couple of times before, usually after a few days of intestinal issues. Hemorrhoids are itchy and painful, and I am glad that I had cream at home that would start to treat it. Such are the joys of weight loss and aging, folks.

    My afternoon went pretty much as planned yesterday, except that I needed to take care of a number of logistical items for the wedding. Upon returning from the gym, I had my second meal replacement before taking Her Floofness to see Eduardo and his wife. We had a cigar on the balcony and chatted, which was nice. After that, Princess Sophie and I dropped in to see another friend at his work before coming home. While enjoying my third meal replacement of the day, I took care of yet more wedding planning things before heading out to Taekwondo. While the first half of the class was great, the second was interrupted by a call I had scheduled… also wedding-related, and with someone whose time I need to respect. She told me that this was when she was available, so at 7:59pm I stepped out of class and called her. I returned to class in time for the end. Taekwondo is important… our wedding is more important. I came home and enjoyed my final meal replacement of the day while speaking with Leslie, and taking care of yet more wedding logistics issues.

    I know that I will not get a lot of sleep tonight. I teach until 9:30pm, and my alarm is set to wake me up at 2:15am. Hopefully I will get some sleep on the airplane, but even if I do not, I will be fine. Tomorrow morning, I will restart my modified program, so after I am checked in at the airport, I will have breakfast and coffee. I bought my snacks for the plane – almonds and mini crisp chips – and I will not be tempted to cheat with anything else. Tomorrow should be a good day overall.

    Knowing that I won’t be sleeping much does not change my plans for the day. I have been dealing with things all morning, so it is almost noon. I have one more call to make for the wedding, after which I will head to the gym for my last run in Canada for the next week or so, after which I will return home and prepare for my class. While the forecast is for the temperatures to rise to 7° by the late afternoon, the rain is predicted to continue non-stop until I get onto the airplane tomorrow morning, so running outside is not an option. When I get home from the gym, I will also be packing my suitcase, which is extremely exciting for me! I will teach until the end of class, and then I will have my final meal replacement and speak with Leslie before going to bed as early as I can. Hopefully throughout the day my bum will feel a bit better, and the swelling will be much less (or even gone completely) by tomorrow.

    I will stay mindful and on-track today and will not veer from my path. Just because I hit such a monumental milestone this morning does not give me leave to splurge… especially knowing that tomorrow is a travel day. I did not say that I want to hit my best weight ever before Saturday, I said that I want to get onto the airplane on Saturday at my best weight ever. Staying on track is the way to do that. I will, of course, light the Shabbat candles with my wife during my evening break, but I am not going to buy challah. I might pour a k’zayt of wine, but that’s it. Because it will be so early I do not know what I will weigh tomorrow morning, but if I am back above 255 it will not be because I veered from the path today. I am going to run, and I am going to get it all done. This is a major milestone, but it is not the end of the journey.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 435

    I was so excited that I was going to break all of my distance records yesterday on the treadmill. I was nearly 2km into my jog when I realized I had not pressed the start button on my fitness tracker. Of course, this should make absolutely no difference to my workout; I am not running primarily to track my run, but to get fit. For some reason, that logic did not help me, and I just never got into the run. I will try again today, but not with the intention of setting records, only to get back up on the horse. My schedule is pretty packed, so I am not going to be able to spend hours at the gym. I will go, I will run for an hour, then I’ll pick up Her Floofness and we will go to Eduardo’s for a couple of hours. It would be slightly easier if my ultrasound appointment was at 10:00am, and not 11:00am.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    · Distance: 8.4km (5.6km)

    · Duration: 1:02:42 (39:09)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m27s (7m01s)

    · Steps: 9,475 (6,075)

    · Calories burned: 1,117 (767)

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (155)

    I should remember that I should not be pushing myself at the gym today, knowing that I have my Taekwondo class this evening. I did spend ten minutes on the mat stretching before I jogged yesterday, and I will do the same today. In six months, I will be ready to test for my next belt… and I will be in the best shape of my (adult) martial arts life!

    My bowel movement this morning was solid, and there were slight indicators from my body that it is safe and prudent to resume my fibre additive in the mornings. I suppose it was simply something that I ate over the weekend that caused me issues, and that is behind me now. Phew! **Written later and before publishing the entry: No, I am still having loose bowel issues. Hold the fibre once again, thank you!

    I am so close. With two days left before I get up early to head to the airport, the reading on the bathroom scale this morning has me at 255.6 pounds. I am less than one pound away from achieving my best post-Army weight ever. As I woke up this morning, I started thinking that it might be today. That would have been a stretch, as it would literally mean I would have lost four pounds in two days. I also knew that it was possible that I would give back some weight this morning, but that did not happen. I was thrilled to see that I am inside one pound, and also know realistically that I might fall outside of that range tomorrow… but staying on track, staying mindful, and staying focused are how I will figure out how to get there. Over the next few days, I will be on the watch for it though. A few months ago, I would have expected that when I do get there, I would let out a loud ‘whoop!’ but now I expect a big smile, a quiet fist pump, and then I will go about my day. I will not be rewarding myself with a big cheat meal… that would defeat the purpose. I will be going off the full-fast program Saturday for the week that I am away, but I will not be starting out with the same wild cheat night that I usually have when I go to Dallas. When I leave town on Saturday I might or might not be at or under my best weight ever; I promise you, dear reader, that when I return to Canada the following Sunday I will be.

    Yesterday’s extreme winds brought a drop in the temperature (along with a couple of hours of wild snow). When Her Floofness and I went out this morning the thermometer read -8°, which in February is pretty seasonal but the last few days of March might be considered less so. As such, I will not even be thinking about running outside today; I will go to the gym where I can be comfortable. When I am out of town next week, I will likely spend a lot more time jogging outside and exploring my environs as I do. Hopefully by the time I get back to Canada we will be done with the below-zero temperatures, and spring (which supposedly started a week ago) will really be ready to kick in.

    Leslie and I made a very exciting decision on Tuesday; I followed that decision up with a long phone call with my rabbi yesterday afternoon. With that, the path is clear, and the date is set. My wife and I are getting married! That might sound weird, so let me explain. We were married by a judge in the State of Texas. There were no witnesses – there were three people in the courtroom – the bride, the groom, the judge. We have set the date for our religious ceremony, which will be at the synagogue. When I fly to Dallas at the end of the month, she and I will then board a flight to California, and that weekend we will be married under the eyes of G-d… and a few friends who will be gathered to witness our happiness. There are so many things that we have to do between now and then, and I am glad that the rabbi (who is also a friend) is guiding us through it. Last night I ordered the ketubah (the marriage contract, a hand-drawn and calligraphed document that will be signed prior to the ceremony, and then framed and mounted on our wall forever). This morning, I decided to order customized kippot (yarmulkas) – the skullcaps that Jewish men wear, which is so often a tradition that a couple shares with their guests. This afternoon, I will have to speak with a couple of people in California regarding the logistics, food, setup, and everything else. It is a frenzy, and it is exciting! The countdown is officially on.

    Wednesday evening (six days from now) is the beginning of Passover. Not realizing that I would be traveling next week, when I was last in Dallas, I purchased a box of Matzahs. That box will be getting onto yet another international flight, making it a very well-traveled box of unleavened bread! With the expectation that by then I will be safely into best-weight-ever territory, I plan to make a very minor feast, including some of the traditional foods that have always made Pesach one of my favourite Jewish festivals. I will prepare the Pesach plate, I will fill a cup of wine for Elijah the Prophet, and with very few people around the table, I will tell the story of our flight from the bonds of slavery into the dessert, where we wandered for forty years before the descendants of the slaves crossed the Jordan River into Eretz Yisrael. While Matzah is completely not good for my weight loss regimen, I am going to celebrate my holiday… and I will do it weighing less than I have in this millennium.

    Over the last few days, I have been fitting things into my schedule for today, and every time I did, I kept trying to remember what it was that I have scheduled for the evening. I have long said that if it is not in my Outlook, it will not be remembered. This morning, I finally created a recurring event for Tuesdays and Thursdays… my Taekwondo classes! I have a lot of learning to do, or rather relearning. Before I am ready to test for my next belt, I have to relearn every pattern that I had to learn for all of my previous belts… or at least, all of the official patterns. That means I need to relearn eight Taeguk patterns, Koryo, Keumgang, and Taebek. I will also have to learn a pattern called Pyongwon, which I have seen but have never learned. Of course, the patterns are one thing… I also want to vastly improve my form. The major takeaway from my first class on Tuesday is that my kicks are garbage, and I have to work on them… a lot.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to try to stay focused. I have a lot of things I need to get done, starting with my ultrasound. I’ll pack my gym kit so that I can go straight there from the clinic. After that, I will come home, have my meal replacement, and then Princess Sophie and I will head up to see Eduardo and Gladys. I hope to also stop into see Ryan at his job before coming home to teach this evening. Staying on track means that my Saturday I might be there… but I must stay on track!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 434

    I found my belt! I cannot believe how relieved I am by this. I do not know if people who are not martial artists can understand the emotional attachment that we have to our belts, which were in many cases not only awarded to us, but actually wrapped around our waists by Masters and Grandmasters for whom we have such love and respect. While searching high and low for it, I went through every square inch of my apartment, but I also carefully went through the bin that contains all of my old uniforms and belts (back to my white belt), and was reminded that I have a couple of ‘doubles’ – I was working with an organization as a Second Dan Black Belt that wanted me to have a belt with their school name on it – so I am still happy to have ordered a new belt and uniform with the name of the school where I will be training for my next belt. That does not make my original belt any less special. When the new belt and uniform arrive (within the next ten days) I will happily start wearing them, and my original ones will go into the bin. With that said, I will always keep every belt and every uniform from my Taekwondo journey and will always treasure them.

    The islands are calling! This weekend will be so exciting, I can hardly wait! I finally got to the gym yesterday, and knowing how much I enjoy pushing myself, I realized it best that I set an alarm so that I do not do that. I had a 1:30pm appointment that I had to get to, and had I run longer I would have been late. I weighed the benefits of a longer jog versus fifteen minutes in the sauna. Knowing that I was also going to Taekwondo, I opted for the sauna. I hopped into my car after my shower and parked in front of my doctor’s office at 1:29pm.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.6km (7.4km)
    • Duration: 39:09 (53:41)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m01s (7m16s)
    • Steps: 6,075 (8,165)
    • Calories burned: 767 (1,000)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (152)

    I really screwed up when I left the house yesterday. I even wrote in my article that my plan was to: ‘…. take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment).’ Well, guess what? I forgot. I tried to pick up a handful of almonds, but it turns out that this is the week that Bulk Barn is moving, so their old store has closed down and the new store has not opened yet. I could have gone into a convenience store to get a bag, but decided I did not want the temptation of more than 25 almonds. I went to my doctor’s, then after that appointment I drove back to my barber (which is a few blocks from the gym, demonstrating unfortunate planning), and then came home; my second meal replacement of the day, scheduled for 1:00pm, was finally enjoyed a little after 4:00pm. The fact that I did not cheat was a testament to the advancement of my willpower.

    My diet buddy came by for a catch up and we had a shake together. While my second meal replacement was much later than usual, the third was much earlier – rather, it was exactly on time, but only a little over an hour after my second one. I will not make a habit of this. What is important is that I stay on track; moving the times when I have my meal replacements is not a problem (unless, of course, I make it too late at night). Eating more than my meal replacements could be. In any event, it was great to catch up with her. We were both surprised by how good the other looked after only what… three weeks of not meeting? Short-term goals really do lead to long-term success!

    My stomach and bowels have been giving me slight issues these last few days. I do not know if it is because of the food that I had on Saturday and then again on Sunday, or if the teaspoon of fibre that I am adding to my morning shake is doing it to me. I have had a lot of stomach cramps and gas these last few days. Yesterday afternoon I had a second bowel movement in the day (which is unusual but not unheard of for me), and then in the evening I had a third one (which is nearly unheard of). They were both loose and made me think that over the next few days I will pay closer attention to that. I do not know if it is a simple issue of ‘cleansing’ after a couple of cheat meals, or if there is something I should be focused on. For the moment I am going to just keep an eye on it, taking a wait-and-see approach. I opted to not add the usual teaspoon of fibre to my shake this morning.

    Taekwondo was interesting. I was pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to stretch! I am going to have to work on that, as well as my push-ups. That will be something I spend a little bit of time on every day. I was really disappointed by my kicking, but what was I expecting? I had not thrown a kick of any sort in eight months. I will spend a few weeks working on stretching and kicking before I try to dive into my patterns… I want to relearn them the right way, which is going to be slightly and infinitely different from how I learned them when I was seventy-five pounds heavier. It is amazing to think that I am fifty pounds lighter than I was when I tested for my Second Dan Black Belt!

    I was going to bring Princess Sophie to Eduardo’s to meet his wife today, but because of a few other things I need to do, that might put a damper on my schedule. Instead, we will go tomorrow afternoon (and I have already put that into my calendar). I am less concerned with how the wife (who loves dogs) will take to her than I am with how Evita (his cat) will. Brace yourself, it might be a very short visit.

    While it looks sunny and calm outside now, today’s weather does not look promising, with high winds predicted until 3pm, when the rain should be starting. I will not try to chance it by running outside… I will go to the gym, where I can spend much more time on the treadmill than I did yesterday (without the time restraints) … after I spend some time stretching! While I am teaching this evening, I do not have to prepare for class. There will be a few classes in the next few weeks for which I will have to prepare, but tonight’s is not one of them.

    It was only yesterday that I wrote that, ‘…I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning.’ I went on to say that I was 4 lbs. from achieving that. Following a tremendous drop this morning, I am now only 1.4 lbs. from that goal! I am thrilled! How amazing is it that the next time my wife sees me I will almost certainly weigh less than any of my three wives have ever seen me at. In fact, I cannot think of any woman I have been in a serious relationship with since Shani (who I dated when I was in the Army) who has seen me at that weight. I am less than 1.5 lbs. from achieving that, and while it is possible that I will not get there by Saturday morning, it will certainly be within the next few days. That is really so exciting for me! I am jumping out of my skin, knowing that within a few days I will have no more comparative short-term goals… I will no longer be competing with my previous attempts to lose weight, rather I will just be striving to get back into better shape while losing weight.

    I keep looking at the goals that I wrote into this journal on Day 2. I wrote that I would be jogging again, at least 5 miles per day, at least 4 times per week. It took me much longer to start that than I had hoped – I had written it under ‘When I have lost 80lbs.’ – but I am certainly able to run that and am jogging nearly every day. The days when I do not hit 5 miles is usually based on time, but I can certainly do it. I also wrote that, ‘When I have lost 120lbs I will start preparing to run a marathon.’ Yes, one day I would like to run a marathon… but I have too many other things to think about before I do that. If I can keep increasing how far I can jog in a day, then I will eventually get there. It was less than a month ago that I was only able to jog 3km without stopping to walk. I am up to 11.5km now, and that will only keep improving. I wrote that, ‘When I have lost 140lbs I will resume teaching Taekwondo… hopefully in a Size 6 dobok (uniform).’ I am going to make a slight change to this one, because I do not have an organization that requires a teacher. As I approach that milestone, I am officially back at Taekwondo… and preparing for my next belt test. That preparation will take me another six months or so, but I am back at it. I am not in a Size 6 dobok, but my Size 7 dobok fits much better than it ever has before! I guess what I am saying is that the only long-term goals that are left (from my original goals) are to run a marathon, and to take a picture in my Army uniform. I am probably forty pounds from that last one… and if I do not do it, then I will move the goalposts and declare victory.

    My plans for today are to head to the gym for a good stretch, workout, then sauna. I have to try to speak with my rabbi this afternoon and am hoping that I will be able to be home from the gym in time for that. I will stay mindful, and I will remain focused, and I will keep my eyes on the prize. As is often the case after I have had bowel issues, my stomach feels a bit delicate today. I will pay attention to it just in case, but I suspect the issues are behind me… whatever might have caused them. I will do some paperwork, then I will head to the gym. In the afternoon, weather permitting, I will have a video cigar date with my wife before class time. I hope to get a good night’s sleep because I know how important that is to general well-being, not to mention weight loss. With less than 1.5 lbs. to go to that last comparative goal, I will not veer from my meal replacement program. I know that success is within reach, and failure is just one misstep toward that slippery slope.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 433

    A good buddy of mine has lost a great deal of weight in the past year, and posted a picture of himself online showing how his old belt no longer fits. I am so happy for him, and many of us commented positive feedback. He replied to me privately that he knows that I do not like to share my progress publicly, but that he and his wife are also extremely proud of me. It is ironic that people feel that I am not public about my weight loss… I post an article about my progress and successes (and struggles and failures) every single day). I just do not want to share it to my public Facebook feed, where I am going to be bombarded by questions about how I did it… and suggestions on what I should be doing. The questions about how do not bother me, but geez folks, do you really think that telling a man who has lost the equivalent of a whole person’s weight what he should be doing to lose weight? Those comments just piss me off, are the reason I do not post my progress.

    My day went well. Firstly, the car ended up taking half an hour and cost me $40. My transmission is fine, but there was a garbage bag melted onto the bottom of my car, which accounted for the burning smell. While we still have no idea what caused the gearshift issue Sunday, we suspect it was likely a freak anomaly of some sort. When I take my car back in to have the tyres changed mid-April, I will have them flush the transmission fuel, but in the meantime, he suggested I keep driving as I would without worrying. All of this was a tremendous relief… I suspected the issue might end up cost me thousands of dollars!

    From there, I went to the gym… following a text conversation with an old Army buddy. It is always great to catch up with old friends. Hopefully we will have more time to talk soon. While I would have liked to do more, as I was walking into the gym, I got a call asking me for a meeting at 4:00pm. Okay, then I kept it short, taking the opportunity to calibrate my new fitness watch. As it happened, I could have spent another 90 minutes on the treadmill because the 4:00pm appointment was pushed to 5:30pm… and even with that, he was 20 minutes late, which meant that I had seven minutes to talk to the guy before I had to go teach my class. All in all, that is probably not the way to impress them… but then again, they have now four times proven to me that they have no respect for my time, so I don’t know that I’m that disappointed.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 7.4km (11km)
    • Duration: 53:41 (1:27:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m16s (7m57s)
    • Steps: 8,165 (13,750)
    • Calories burned: 1,000 (1,400)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 152 (155)

    My class went well, and then I got a text that was so tempting that I could not resist doing something completely spontaneous. More details on that next week! Yes, I know… that absolutely negates the point of spontaneity… live with your disappointment for the sake of discretion. I have to make some changes to a few things, but next week there will be some excitement!

    Okay, so I have decided to set a new timed short-term goal. I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning. I am four pounds from achieving it, and I have four days to do it. I am going to jog every day, in addition to returning to Taekwondo (Tuesday and Thursday evenings, starting tonight). I am going to stick strictly to my full-fast program, and I am going to do it!

    Next week is the start of Passover, and I have already bought my matzoh (which will be very well-traveled by the time I crack the box open). I will be celebrating the holiday of course and observing it to the best of my ability. It is one of my favourite holidays… and not just for the food! The LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, and he did bring plagues onto those who did enslave them. It sounds to me like a good story for a good Israeli soldier. With that said, I am going to prepare a traditional charoset for some of my people to try. I have never made it before, but as I have gotten a bit more comfortable in the kitchen (and with all of the people who would previously have prepared some of my favourite Jewish dishes gone from this mortal coil) I figure I should give it a try… if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can do it! Oh, and there is the minor coincidence that it is (and always has been) one of my most beloved treats that you only get for two days out of the year!

    Once I finish this journal entry, I have a few tasks to do, and then I will go to the gym. In the afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, followed by my haircut. The company I interviewed with today asked me my availability for the rest of the week so that might change… but knowing how they have scheduled and rescheduled and delayed the last two interviews I strongly suspect that my plans for the day will not be interrupted. We shall see though, right? One never knows. In the evening, my diet buddy is coming by around 5:30pm, and we will share our first meal replacement together ever. It will be too late for coffee (unless I don’t want to get any sleep), so a chocolate shake will be the order of the day. I was told today in no uncertain terms that I had better get my rest in preparation for the spontaneity. Late-night coffee is not in the cards this week! Of course, after that I will go to my first Taekwondo class since the summer… it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to jogging in the morning and then doing martial arts in the evening… and at a lower weight than I have been in over twenty years!

    Leslie mentioned today that she missed our Saturday morning cigars and latté dates. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… we are going to coordinate so that we each pick up our lattés from our local Starbucks and we can make it work… even if it is in the Rectangle Zone. I am literally counting down the days until we can be together again, and the number is always too high. I really miss her and hate that we have to be apart. Hopefully, the next time we are together I will be at my lowest weight ever… I really love that every time she sees me, I am so much lighter than the previous time. I want to keep succeeding for her… and of course for myself.

    My morning got away from me. I had a lot of small issues to take care of, but a couple of them took much longer than expected. I am almost ready to go, but I do not know that I will be able to go to the gym… at least, not for as long as I would have liked. I have packed everything that I need for the gym (as well as my Taekwondo kit) to take to the car, and I will head out. I should remember to take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment). As long as I keep my eye on the clock, I should be okay, but I should head out now.

    What are my plans for the day? Stay focused, stay mindful, stay on track. There is no way that I will get onto the plane Saturday morning at my best weight ever if I veer even a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 431

    I slipped last night. The salad I had in the evening was likely of little consequence. When I got home (after 11pm) I had that last bag of pop chips (actually called Crispy Minis I realized) in addition to my meal replacement shake. Combine food that I should not be eating at hours when I should not be eating anything, and the result is what I got on the bathroom scale this morning. I hope the nearly two-pound jump from yesterday, in addition to surging above that previous monumental achievement of dropping below 260 pounds, and you have a big, loud wakeup call that will serve as a reminder of the consequences of not being mindful for just a few moments.

    I had trouble falling asleep, but once I had, my precious puppy let me know at about 3:15am that she really needed to go outside. She is not a fan of inclement weather, and while I had taken her outside several times during the day (and when I got back from Toronto), she had only sniffed briefly at the grass, peed a little, and then insisted we go back inside. When we went out before bed to blustering winds and freezing rain, she did a little bit of business, but then made an about-face and guided me right back into the building. I was pretty sure we were done for the night, but that was not to be. As a result, my sleep definitely could have been better.

    There are two measurements that my new fitness watch tracks which my old one did not. In truth, there are several… but these are the two I have been watching and am focusing on now. The first is sleep, which I suppose my old one probably tracked too, but with its much shorter battery life I never wore it to bed. Whether the other one did or not, the new one provides a sleep score, which for last night is telling me that: ‘You slept long enough, but you spent too much time awake. You may not feel well-rested today.’ I could have told it the second part, although I am impressed that it thinks I slept long enough. I think he mistook my lying in bed resting (and checking my phone) with actual sleep.

    The second measurement that it is providing me is called body battery, which provides a number for estimating my changing energy levels throughout the day. Right now, it is at 84, the highest number it has been since Tuesday before my jog. I also know that it likely takes a few days wearing the new device to get an accurate picture of that, so when Monday (the first day that I wore it and that I exercised) it registered a 100 (and then only dropped to 37 after 8km on the treadmill) I will assume that it was just trying to calibrate. Following Friday’s nearly 80 minutes on the treadmill my battery dropped to 11, and by the end of my relaxing Saturday it had not risen above 75. I will keep an eye on it as a matter of interest and curiosity, but I am pretty good at knowing when I should and should not work out.

    Speaking of which, today will likely not be a jogging day, for a slightly amusing reason. I do not always clip my toenails as well as I should, and I believe that the nail of my pinky toe on my left foot has cut into my next toe with all of my recent running. I will clip them on both feel today, and if I feel the need to jog later in the day (a definite possibility, especially with the weather forecast) then I will bandage my second toe before heading out. I am not sure I have ever put a Band-Aid on any but my big toe before, but there can always be a first time, right? The critical importance of having healthy feet is a lesson that was drilled into us in the Army, and I will not disappoint those who drilled that into me by letting a toe get infected for no reason other than stubbornness. In the meantime, if after my lunch with my son (the younger) I can clip them and then go for a run before Julie comes over then I will gladly take the opportunity; the forecast is for a sunny day with a high of 9°, making it a brilliant day to hit the road. Tomorrow’s forecast promises chilly temperatures with a mix of rain and snow all day… if I am going to jog outside this week, it looks like today, Tuesday, and possibly Thursday are the days to do it. The rest of the days will be gym days only.

    Yes, my diet buddy is coming over this afternoon around 4:00. I joked with her that instead of out usual coffee we might go out for beers and to ‘score some chicks’ which was my feeble attempt at Sunday morning humour. Her wife is in Yukon and mine is in Dallas so we joke like that a lot… and look forward to the day when we can actually go to a bar to see which women check both of us out. Neither of us would ever follow through with anything, but it will be nice to be looked at. We have both been overweight for so long that we are used to being ignored. We both have wives who love us and who have always been attracted to us, but it is nice to know that other people can look at us that way too. As it stands, we will sit at my place and have coffee; after these last few days I feel that I do need the touch point to get back on track, so it will be good to see her for that reason as well as just seeing my friend.

    I am taking my son the younger for lunch today, and I hope he picks one of the places with fewer temptations. No, he just confirmed that he wants Lone Start Texas Grill. My response to his mother was ‘Fucking Lone Star.’ There is nothing wrong with the restaurant of course… and I can have my usual salad there (and not finish it or take it home with me). It is just those damned tortilla chips and salsa that kill me every time. I MUST RESIST. Maybe I will ask Tex or Dakota or whatever stupid alias the server uses that is supposed to sound Texan to bring me celery sticks to dip into the salsa instead. I will find a way to resist, even if I have to eat the damned salsa with a fork. When I get home this afternoon, I will be proud of myself for not giving in to the temptation. I swear to G-d I will figure out a way. The salsa is high in sodium but if I ate three ounces of it with celery, I would be at 18 calories with 3g of carbohydrates. I can live with that.

    I am back from lunch, where I did mostly okay. I ordered the grilled chicken fajita bowl, eschewing the cheese (of course) and the rice (mostly). I did eat four of Gilad’s tortilla chips. Four chips is immeasurably better than all the chips! When I was dropping him off, his mother told me I should come in to bring his brother his birthday gift. My son the elder was quite impressed by my selection and invited me in to sample it. I had the smallest portion of whiskey possible, and it was absolutely delicious. I could easily have poured another three or four measures for myself; instead, when he brought out pecan halves, I took six – a reasonable portion by any measure. We spent several hours talking, with some amazing revelations which I will not share here.

    It is a beautiful afternoon – it is still sunny, and the forecast high temperature is two degrees behind us. I am going to clip my nails and go for a jog. Julie had to cancel, so we will have a phone call instead. That’s life. The day is mostly done, and my biggest temptations and hurdles are in the rearview mirror. I was not strictly on my program today… but in the balance I will chalk it up as a success. Tomorrow morning when I write of this afternoon’s jog I hope to do so with a spring in my step, as I plan my trip to the gym to attack the treadmill with gusto.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 430

    I went to the gym as expected yesterday. I beat my distance record, although I know that my calibration is off, so I honestly do not know how far I jogged. I will try to try to calibrate it properly tomorrow… or whenever I am next on the treadmill. I am now putting a double asterisk next to my treadmill distances because I honestly do not know. When I jogged in the street the other day, at least I know that was an honest 10km. I did calibrate one kilometre of my jog to the treadmill (thinking that would fix everything – it did not) and I saw that my pace on the treadmill is no different from what I jog outside. That is a good thing.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • pb Distance: 13.45 km (7.25 km)
    • Duration: 1:18:45 (57:03)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 6m00s (7m53s)**
    • Steps: 11,350 (8,850)
    • pb Calories burned: 1,626 (754)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    Following the gym, I decided to take a giant plunge. I stopped at the Taekwondo school owned and operated by an old instructor of mine – the one where I took a few classes back in the summer – and had a great chat with him. I told him that I am ready to start training, and he welcomed me back. We discussed the issues that had made me uncomfortable in the summer, and he felt terrible about them. I told him not to worry, and he told me I can start coming in for the adult classes which are Tuesday and Thursday evenings… which works out perfectly, as I am teaching Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings!

    I was surprised, after I came home, that I was hungry. I then looked at the clock and realized that it was 3:15pm, and I had only had one meal replacement so far. I prepared and drank my second shake, and then sat out on the balcony with a cigar. Okay, that is not entirely accurate. First, I went to get changed for my evening class… which gave me the opportunity to try on my Taekwondo kit. It fits perfectly… it might be a little big, but probably not big enough to need to order a new one. I will ask the Master if I can try on the smaller size, but I suspect that for the next few months I will stick with what I have. Anyhow, I did squeeze my three shakes in throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, spacing them out appropriately.

    My weight was up again this morning despite my being true to the program yesterday… and the excellent workout. I know that my cheat day on Thursday (and by cheat I am referring more to the pop chips and the late eating than to the steak and salad I had mid-afternoon) was going to have consequences, and I am not going to be upset by this. I know that as I continue to do the right thing, the weight will continue to come off. I am not going to let that stop me from living. Yes, it would have been nice to see a significant drop in my weight this morning, but it did not come, and I will see it tomorrow or Monday. We move on. I am in a place where I am not going to beat myself up over a series of conscious decisions that led to two days of slight gains… and even with them did not bring me back above the 260 lbs. mark (although it was close).

    I know I kicked butt this week on my exercising, and I think I am going to take the weekend off… or at least, I am going to take today off. Tomorrow I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and I will follow my plan, but if I cannot then I will come home and lace up the running shoes. I think I can resist the temptations to be bad though; if he does want to go to Lone Star then I will have my salad but will not touch the chips. Frankly, whichever of his regular haunts he wants to go to I will follow that same plan. Eat… but not overeat and eat smart. I expect that had I been able to follow that throughout my 20s-40s then I would not be where I am today. That’s life, we learn, we move on. My diet buddy is coming over for coffee tomorrow afternoon and we will catch up after our trips. I hope she has made the same kind of progress that I have.

    My plans for today… if I am not going to the gym (and it is rainy and cold outside) then I don’t know… I will reach out to some of the boys and see if they want to connect for a cigar. Maybe I will crack my Taekwondo book (which I did dig out) and spend a couple of hours reviewing the patterns that I will need to re-learn. I am also going to spend a little bit of time trying to track down my belt, which seems to have gone missing. I will see if I accidentally put it into my storage locker, or if it is just in my gym bag and I did not see it. It might also be in my car… but wherever it might be, I have to track it down. Aside from the expense of replacing it, there is also an emotional connection to it. I might also spend an hour or two doing some studying for my next exam. We will see. Looking out the window, it is one of those days where you want to just crawl back into bed and stay there… but I want to try to be productive in at least some way. Maybe I will go to the gym… after all, my schedule for tomorrow will not comfortably allow it, so I have a built-in day off right there. Hey! Maybe I’ll go to the gym and use one of the private rooms to work on my patterns. Hmm, there’s an idea! Maybe I’ll do that. I should download the videos for the first ten patterns to my iPad and head over there.

    All in all, I have to stay mindful and remember that I am so much closer to my ultimate goal than I have been in… well… ever, really. I am five pounds from my best adult weight ever, and I see no reason to stop doing what I have been doing. I might start introducing small meals every couple of weeks, but I don’t think that is going to hurt me terribly.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 429

    After serious thinking and discussion with the woman I love I decided this afternoon that I was going to defrost and prepare a steak. I told Leslie that I wanted to do a really good jog first, but I have been tempted too much these last few days, and I was going to eat smart. I tried to do a 10km jog, but that proved too much. I jogged 7.25km and walked the remaining 3km to get home, which did give me the 10km that I was hoping to achieve. Before I even showered, I jumped into the car to go to the supermarket to pick up some vegetables to make a salad. I came home, showered, got dressed, and prepared my meal. It was delicious! My housekeeper had unearthed a bag of pop chips, and I devoured those as well. That was a terrible decision, but much better to do it with pop chips than with potato chips. Knowing that I had the remaining vegetables in the fridge, I weighed the options of having another cheat day today, or just making another salad in the evening. I opted for the second choice, which I prepared with the last package of smoked salmon that Leslie had given me for my birthday. It was delicious! I hope now that the temptations of fast-food restaurants and deep-fried chicken wings will be behind me. In other words: sorry, not sorry.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 7.25 km (6.02 km)
    • Duration: 57:03 (33:05)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m53s (5m29s)
    • Steps: 8,850 (5,065)
    • Calories burned: 754 (720)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am back on track today, but I am starting to realign my thinking. With the tremendous progress that I have made, especially in these last two months of being on the full-fast program (excepting for my trips to Dallas), it might be time for me to start looking at an endgame… a time to start weening myself off the full-fast program, and in fact working toward being off any programs. I have said recently that my intention is to get through two more months on the full-fast (excepting, of course, another trip to Dallas), and then to begin transitioning off the program. That transition might take many forms, and it would not be a quick process, but it is something to start thinking about. I am also thinking, after yesterday’s multi-meal indulgence, that over my last couple of months – that is, between now and when I start transitioning – it might not be so horrible to have a healthy planned cheat meal every two weeks, or every week, or whatever that might end up looking like. I will give it some thought over the next few days.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale with the full expectation that I would have gained two pounds, taking me back over the 260 lbs. mark. In fact, I gained only .6 lb. which was a much more reasonable result from the decisions I made yesterday. In truth, had I stopped with the steak and salad, I likely would have lost an ounce or two this morning; also, I know the evils of eating late at night, and preparing my fish and salad at 9:30pm was counterintuitive. I am back on track today, and I will recover what little ground I lost in my journey over the next couple of days.

    Today is Friday, March 24th. I am planning to go to the gym today, seeing as the weather will be cloudy and cool. In fact, looking at the ten-day forecast, there will not be too many days that promise enjoyable outdoor running conditions, so I will likely be spending quite a bit of time on the treadmill. As long as I go today, I will be continuing my streak – I have jogged every day since Monday, for a total of 31km jogging. Today will be Day 5 of that streak, and I am planning for at least 10km today. There is a Garmin Connect badge that I would collect if I can do one fifteen-kilometre jog during the month of March, and I might try for that… but I also will not push myself too hard. I have to listen to my body and let pain be my guide.

    I find it hilarious that my gluteus maximus muscles are aching these last couple of weeks; Until a few months ago, my posterior would hurt most often from sitting on it for long stretches of time. Knowing that it is aching because of the tremendous amount of jogging I have been doing makes me want to make them ache more! That is not to say that I have not thought about finding a decent massage place that might be able to make those muscles (and the rest of them) ache less, but that is not my number one priority right now. I am a strange bird in a lot of respects. I consider the aches that I am feeling my body’s penance for neglecting it for so long. While there are days when I take a couple of aspirin (I think I did that one day this week), that has been the extent of my need to deal with any discomfort. Well… that and readjusting how I am sitting a few times!

    There is a song that I remember learning from a buddy who was a sergeant on a base that I served on for a couple of months. Funny, I do not remember his name, but I remember him walking up to where I was standing post and singing ‘Today is Friday… and tomorrow is the Sabbath, the Sabbath for us to rest.’ The thing was that he was singing it to me on a Tuesday, and I kept yelling (in jest) ‘LIAR!’ Well, today really is Friday, and while I do have to teach this evening, tomorrow really is the Sabbath. I will remember the Sabbath as holy as I always do… observing the Fourth Commandment (as it is written in Exodus 20:8. I am afraid that I do not observe the Sabbath Day as holy as the Commandment decrees in Deuteronomy 5:12) by lighting the candles this evening and reciting the blessings and praying for the health of my family and friends. The list of my friends for whom I pray continues to grow, which is sad. I do not mean prayers for general well-being, of course. I mean the list of my friends who are sick. A number of them have cancer and are undergoing treatment for that. Two were in terrible automobile accidents and continue to recover. So many others are going through so many different health-related issues that I sometimes feel guilty that I am, for the most part, in perfect health. I am still obese, but I am not morbidly so as I was. My gout has not bothered me in months (thanks to a pill that I remember to take every morning). My ADHD is under control (thanks to the other pill that I remember to take every morning). When I pray for Sophie and Marty and Sean and so many other friends who are hopefully going to get better I also thank Hashem that I am not in their place. I am truly blessed to be in good health, and I hope going forward to never take that for granted… as I did for so many years by ignoring the importance of a healthy body weight.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to stay focused. A ten (or more) kilometre jog on the treadmill will be nice, but it will not be an excuse to have a second consecutive cheat day. I do have some work to do on my teaching workstation today – I noticed a lot of slowdowns on it recently and decided that refreshing the operating system was just what the doctor ordered. Of course, that also means that I have to reinstall a lot of my applications, and that I have to log on to my class a few minutes earlier than I normally would, just to make sure that all of the tools I need to teach have been reinstalled. While I am on the treadmill I might try to calibrate my fitness watch because I am pretty sure that while it does great when running on the street (it has a great GPS in it), it is not properly calibrated for my pace on the treadmill. I will set a lower pace on the machine, and then try to get it properly calibrated so that my future measurements – as I get more into shape and more into running – will be more accurate. While I do plan to finish my pot of coffee today (and hopefully I will remember to buy more fake milk), I have no plans to consume anything else beyond my meal replacements. If needed, I will also pop a throat lozenge during class. I do not know if the bathroom scale will reflect it tomorrow morning or the next, but my weight loss progress will resume, and I know that what I have been doing is working. I will keep that up!

    I have reached out to my diet buddy who will likely be coming over tomorrow or Sunday for a cup of coffee. Once she confirms which day works better for her I will reach out to my son the younger and I will take him out for lunch the other day of the weekend. I will not be eating with him though… and if he insists on going back to Lone Star Texas Grill then I am going to use it as an opportunity to prove that my resolve is stronger than my desires, and that I do not have to succumb to every temptation. I hope he picks somewhere else though… but I have not seen him in a month, and ultimately it will be his choice. Feigning a stomach virus so that I do not have to order food is not a bad idea, but not eating those chips is more important. I am going to start thinking about that now and will go into whatever restaurant he chooses with the resolve to stay on track.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 428

    I was prepared from the moment I opened my eyes to open today’s journal entry with words like: ‘The scale giveth, the scale taketh away.’ After a huge drop yesterday, I was certain that I would be giving some of it back this morning. I did have a good bowel movement, and I was hoping that the increase would not be too bad. I knew that if I was back above the 260 lbs. mark I would be upset. In fact, my weight dropped again! It was not a significant drop – only .2 lb. – but down is better than up.

    After coming in with Her Floofness I made my coffee and morning shake, and then was prepared to sit down at my desk and to enter my morning weight into the comparative chart from 2020… and then I realized that I do not need to do that anymore! I have surpassed that goal, and that spreadsheet is no longer relevant. I might maintain it for the next few weeks just to see how much better I do… I might even expand it to using it for the long term to see how while in 2020 I lost ground, this time I am going all the way to the top. It is probably because it is another numbers thing that I can use – I am comforted by numbers – but the truth is that whether I continue with that spreadsheet or not, I have beaten it.

    My next short-term goal is absolutely unbelievable… as so many of them have been. My previous two milestones were comparing my weight loss to that of three and six years ago… both reasonably recent, since my second divorce. I had kids, a career, all of that. My next milestone is a lot harder to conceive. I am now less than four pounds from achieving my best ever weight. When I drop below 255 lbs., I will weigh less than I did at any point in the millennium. When I last achieved that weight, I was married to my first wife, although it was the last week of our marriage. Facebook existed, but it was still only available to high school and university students. While I had passed two Microsoft certification exams, I would not earn my first senior certification until later in the year (the end of May), and it would be another year and a half before I would achieve the Microsoft Certified Trainer credential that has been the lifeblood of so much of my success. Paul Martin was Prime Minister of Canada, and George W. Bush had been sworn in for his second term the previous month. If it is not this month (today is March 23rd) then it will be very early in April when I will surpass this weight goal.

    …and then what? I am going to have to figure out another way to mark my accomplishments. I have written so often of the importance of short-term goals for weight loss success, but until now I have always had these comparisons to myself to beat. Will I simply revert to striving for decades? The 250 and 240 marks and so on are great. I am going to have to give this all some thought.

    My first next goal should be my Size-36 pants. I have seven pair of them that still do not fit, and I would like to be able to wear them comfortably. I am not going to even entertain the notion of Size-34 yet, as that is not a realistic short-term goal. I do not own a pair of them. However, it’s look at what I can realistically achieve in the next thirty days:

    • Best-Weight-Ever (255 lbs.)
    • 250 lbs. Milestone
    • Size-36 pants (all of them)
    • Jog 15km
    • 240 lbs. Milestone

    I have shortened the definition of short-term goals for this list only. Usually I have it at 45-days. On February 27 (Day 404) I set out six goals, three of which I have accomplished. Of the remaining three, two are on this list… but the third one – drop out of the Obese Class I classification into the Overweight category is still most likely outside the 30-day boundary. I will get there, and I will likely do it before the end of May (I am approximately 28 lbs. away), but to expect that kind of weight loss in thirty days is simply unrealistic.

    I did go to the gym yesterday, and I found a treadmill that seems to be more cooperative than the other ones. That is to say, it did not arbitrarily end my workout because I refuse to hold on to the sensors. My Garmin Connect app is telling me that I set a new personal record with the fasted 5k I have run yet. I strongly suspect that if I were to take the time to properly calibrate the watch to the treadmill that a lot of my paces would be wrong, this one included. I will try to remember to do that today… or at least, I will do it the next time I go to the gym, which will be today or tomorrow.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 6.02 km (10.1 km)
    • Duration: 33:05 (1:22:34)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m29s (8m11s)
    • Steps: 5,065 (12,795)
    • Calories burned: 720 (1,243)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    I did wake up this morning with some achiness in my knee, but that is completely gone now. I rubbed some Voltaren into it, but I suspect the pain was just my normal ‘I’ve been lying down too long and my knee hurts because of it’ issues. I will make a mental note to remember if it continues throughout the next few days. For the moment, I will continue to try to jog… and if it starts to hurt, I will listen to my body and slow down or take breaks or stop… whatever I have to do.

    I am off to the dentist now, and I have a meeting as soon as I am back. Hopefully I will be able to get some studying in, as well as a jog. It would be nice to run outside, so if the rain is not too bad then I will. Otherwise, I will go to the gym, with the ever-luxuriant post-run sauna. We’ll see.

    Once again, my plan is to stay on track. Last night some of my students were discussing McDonald’s and I was tempted to go out and have a meal… or to just defrost the steak that I have in my freezer to enjoy today. I am not going to give in to these urges and temptations just yet… but once I am below the 250 lbs. point, I might consider introducing the occasional meal. We’ll see… but not today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 427

    After an extremely productive bowel movement, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and was shocked. I cannot remember the last time I saw a one-day weight drop of more than four pounds, but there it was. In a single day, completely unexpectedly, I not only dropped below the 260-pounds mark… but I blew right past my best weight from 2020 (by over 1.5 lbs.), beating the pace I had set on my comparative chart by a full three weeks. You see, on February 3 I looked at what I weighed, and realizing that I was 24.8 lbs. from my best weight of 2020, I decided to create a chart of my daily weigh-ins from that attempt. It took be sixty-nine days to lose those 24.8 lbs. back then, with a lot of hiccoughs along the way. In 2023 it took me forty-eight days. I am now solidly in best-weight-yet territory, and I am less than four pounds from achieving my best adult weight that I have any reliable record of. I am blown away, and more motivated than ever to keep going!

    According to the app that is connected to my bathroom scale, my Body Mass Index (BMI) this morning is 33.2, a tremendous one-day drop. It was a scant nineteen days ago that it dropped (for the final time) below 35. Mornings like this, when I see a huge and unexpected drop on the bathroom scale, make me look at things more finely than I usually do. Frankly, of late I know that I have spent a lot of time obsessing over my numbers and charts. I know that I have to start tempering this obsession with my weight loss, but on days like today that can be tough. After seeing the doctor, I will drive into Toronto to pick up my meal replacements, then I will come right back home, finish this entry (and publish it on my blog), and I will go about the rest of my day. For now, as I sit here at 7:45am, I am happy to take a few moments to kvell.

    There is a challenge on one of the apps I use to track my progress called You Vs. The Year 2023. The goal is to walk or run 1,023 kilometres in the calendar year. There are some pretty sweet prizes that those who complete the challenge can win (there will be a raffle). I only discovered the challenge a couple of days ago, but all of my walking and running from the beginning of the year are counted. Checking out the leaderboard I have actually run/walked nearly 200km… although that number is likely slightly higher, since only two workouts per day can be counted. I know there was a day a few weeks ago when I ran then walked then ran then walked, and that was four workouts… two of those would be discarded. So be it. I also see that of the 130,301 people currently enrolled in the challenge, I am ranked 32,700… nowhere near the top, but in the top twenty-five percent. I am quite happy with that!

    I picked Kerry up from the train station (as is the custom), so it was not until we got to my building that I stood up and she saw me. ‘How are you so thin? What happened to you? Did you leave part of yourself in Dallas?’ It felt amazing to hear her notice my weight loss. When we got upstairs, I showed her the most recent before/after photos and she was astonished. To put things in perspective, I am now fifteen pounds from having lost her body weight. That is a real trip!

    My outdoor jog yesterday was tougher than I thought it would be, but with a few short breaks to breathe I was able to complete a 10km outdoor run for the first time. There is an obvious difference between the mapping software I used to calculate the route in advance and the actual route, because what I had mapped at just short of 11km prior to setting out would have been short of 10km, and I only reached that number because there was a very long freight train that impeded my forward progress, so I circled back twice (nearly a full kilometre in total) waiting for it to pass. Most likely, the difference can be chalked up to running on the close sidewalk, rather than driving in the far lane of traffic. No matter, I did my first outdoor 10km run, and I feel great for it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1 km (8 km)
    • Duration: 1:22:34 (45:43)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m11s (5m42s)
    • pb Steps: 12,795 (6,390)
    • Calories burned: 1,243 (636)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am feeling like I can do anything… knowing that I am down so significantly since I left for Dallas just thirteen days ago (and remembering all of the cheating eating I did in that time) I have to wonder how long it might take me to get down to my ideal weight, whatever that might be. I cannot imagine that it will take me the rest of this calendar year but am going to remain cautiously optimistic. If my rate of loss were to drop to 2.8 lbs. per week then on my birthday, I would weigh less than 220 lbs. … a 115-lbs. drop from my last birthday. Before the middle of August, I would drop below 200 lbs., which I have not weighed since I was a teenager. I only have to stay focused and on track… but at a certain point, I am going to have to start listening to my body for signs that it is enough. As I have said, I do not know what I should weigh as a healthy fifty-year-old male. According to the BMI Calculator, I will not be ‘healthy’ until I drop to 194 pounds, which means I am less than sixty-five pounds away. I am 26 pounds from dropping from Obese Class I to Overweight, which will be a great accomplishment, but I still feel I am a couple of months away from hitting that goal… not quite a short-term goal yet.

    I am off to my doctor’s appointment and will find out what I weigh on his scale this morning. Last night I told Leslie how wonderful it would be to drop another 2kg from my last weigh-in. As it stands, if my bathroom scale is any indicator, that loss might be closer to an unheard of 5kg. The now very real possibility that in just over 90 minutes I will know if I have not only dropped below 120 kg, but also surpassed the 60kg lost mark simply blows my mind! If I do not make that, then I will still be down, and will have another milestone to look forward to two weeks from now.

    Shock and disbelief are words that continue to describe my reactions this morning. It is currently 11:45am. Just four hours ago I wrote that I was hoping my official weigh-in would have me down better than 2kg, although my bathroom scale was measuring me down nearly 5kg. The reality was much closer to that latter number than the former. I was floored to see I have dropped 4.7kg in two weeks. I have officially lost 60.8kg (134 lbs.) since my journey began. How can that be?

    Driving into Toronto I spoke with my wife about everything I discussed with the doctor, including my response to his question ‘what is your final goal.’ As I have written herein several times, I told him that I do not know. I did decide, however, that on June 1 I will be transitioned back onto regular food. I discussed this with Leslie, and she told me that she supports me as long as I no longer see myself as a fat man. I responded that might take a lot longer and we discussed the psychological effects of long-term obesity.

    I mentioned June 1 as my end date for a few reasons, but I do not think I had discussed it with anyone (nor written it down) before. The only reason it came to mind today was because the nurse at the clinic where I buy my meal replacements informed me that on that date the price of the products will be going up. While that is the reason I thought of it today, the price increase is not the reason I made that decision. I should mention that I will very likely buy another case of the meal replacements right before the price increase; Doing the math, and taking into consideration my next trip to Dallas, I would finish my current allotment plus one more case of the meal replacements on June 4. If I purchase one more case, that will allow me four more weeks of the full-fast program… but I am planning to use the final case to transition off of the full-fast at a measured and reasonable pace. While I have a couple of months ahead of me to think about it, my transition off of the program is something I will have to give consideration to. I will start discussing that plan with my doctor at our next appointment.

    It is a cloudy day outside, and while the temperatures are forecast to reach 7° by 6:00pm, I still think I am going to opt for a trip to the gym today. The treadmill is not as liberating as is jogging outside, but it does force me to push myself harder; I do not know why my pace on the treadmill is so much quicker than it is outside, but it is. Of course, the gym also allows me the added bonus of the post-workout sauna, which feeling my muscles today will be welcome relief. I am teaching this evening, which means I will be spending a great deal of time sitting down; a quick Google search confirms that some of the muscles I should be feeling with my increased jogging are also the ones I find myself sitting on!

    Have a great day folks!