Losing a part of me

Category: Cheating

  • Keep On Keeping On

    I knew that I was being a bad boy the second I told Ryan I would have one hamburger with a bun. Knowing my love of onions, he bought a couple of onion rolls (to go with the all-beef burgers that he was buying for me). I heard him mention to our other friend that he did not eat them, am I did not want to seem ungracious. I was carbing up… and I am supposed to be on a very low-carb diet.

    The burgers were wonderful, no doubt. I do wish he had not bought special burgers for me though. Had the only option been the patties with cheese and bacon in them, I could have begged off and not cheated… but my word, they were tasty! Yes, they… I ate one with the bun, and another without.

    On my drive home I knew I had to go for a long walk. I could not just eat like that and not exercise today… it would be a slap in the face to the milestones that I hit and wrote about this morning. I got home and changed into my workout clothes. I took Princess Sophie for her walk (the same path that we have gotten accustomed to taking most mornings, which it turns out is 1.2km), and then set out for mine… planning a route in my head that I knew would be long.

    What I did not account for was the (for Canada) grueling heat. I usually am nearly finished my water bottle (one litre) by the time I walk into the apartment. Today I realized that it was empty before kilometre number seven… and I was over two kilomtres from home. If I learned anything during my time in the Army it is that hydration is not a little important; it is huge. In truth, it is everything, because if you fall out from dehydration the consequences during training are not pleasant; in the field they can be disastrous. At the corner of Dundas and Walker’s Line, just after finishing kilometre seven, I paused my trackers and walked into the Circle K to grab a bottle of Gatorade Zero. While the bottle was gone before I had walked another 500m, the hydration and electrolytes were sufficient to get me home.

    • Distance: 9.5km (8.07km)
    • Duration: 1:37:15 (1:19:59)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:14 (9:54)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m43s (9m32s)
    • Steps: 12.1k (9.9k)
    • Calories burned: 1,187 (1003)
    • Elevation gain: 32.6 (30.3)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 122 (124)

    While my first two kilometres had me on a track to match or even beat yesterday’s walk, the heat slowed me down; while two of my first four kilometres were under ten minutes (and my average per kilometre was still under that threshold), I did slow down somewhat after kilometre four, and am not surprised that my pace fell off somewhat. Still and all, I was under 10m40 on every kilometre, so I am not at all disappointed.

    I do not know if I completely worked off the cheat-lunch that I had, but at least I did not throw up my hands in surrender. It would have been easy to just say ‘Oh well, today is a wash, I will start again tomorrow.’ That is not what I am doing… especially knowing that I am getting weighed at the doctor’s office in 3.5 days… and that night I will be seeing my wife! While I doubt if I will get down to 315-pounds by then, I am certainly not going to be happy getting onto the plane over the 320-pound mark. I dropped below that today for the first time, and I hope to be solidly and permanently below that by Wednesday.

    As I have done several times on days when I have cheated, I will not be having three meal replacements. I did not feel that I needed one before my walk, and while I am still not sure if I need one afterwards, I think it prudent to have it, lest I realize at 11:30pm that I am hungry.

    When you tangle up, tango on. Lunch today was a mistake, but I did not miss a beat in getting back on track. That is the best way to avoid failure.

  • Day 207

    I did not walk yesterday. I went to Lyle’s in the afternoon (after taking some clothes to a tailor to be altered), stopping at Bulk Barn for a handful of peanuts. To offset those, I did not have my final meal replacement shake in the evening, so the calories will more or less balance properly. It is not a habit I will be falling back into, but an occasional necessity when the timing of my day works badly. Normally I would be eating my meal around 12:30pm, so when I am out until 3:00pm (and need another half hour to cook) I need something to tide myself over, lest my hunger grow too great and tempt me to cheat worse.

    The numbers on the bathroom scale were once again good ones this morning, down nearly half a pound. I am almost back to hoping that I might way as little as 315lbs when I fly to Dallas in ten days. Something else that happens on that day is my weigh-in at the doctor’s office, and I am excited for that too. As of this morning, I am 5.5kg down from my last weigh-in, which will be my best showing between appointments… even averaged out (knowing there will have been five weeks between weigh-ins) I will be happy with that drop… and that is not accounting for the fact that I still have ten more days to try to drop even more weight.

    I am not going to lie… it feels good when the nurse looks at me in awe of my success, but it feels even better when the doctor (who I have known more than fifteen years) looks at my chart and says ‘Is this right? According to the nurse, you lost this much weight since your last visit.’ After my wife, it is their response that I am always eager for. Yes, I should not be looking for external validation. According to psychologists you need to be happy with yourself, and you should not be trying to impress anyone but you. Thanks Doctor Whoever, the reality is that external validation is important for all of us, but maybe that much more so for those of us who had parents who never gave it to them. Good enough was never good enough, it was only perfect that was rewarded. While it did not happen often, if I would bring home an exam with a 95% grade, I would be asked ‘what happened to the other 5%?’ Thanks Mother… and frankly, thanks Dad too. Forty years later I am looking for validation from my family physician.

    These epiphanies are among the reasons I write this journal. I likely would never have put into words – if I even thought about it at all – why I get so much satisfaction from my doctor’s feedback if I was not writing. I do not know how many people read everything that I write (I know of only one person who does, even though the stats on my blog tell me there are more), but these insights are not only for you, they are for me. Being able to understand the root cause of an issue is a very good way to start learning to deal with that issue.

    Let’s be honest… we all seek external validation for something. ‘Do I look fat in this dress’ is never asking for negativity, rather the asker is seeking a compliment, knowing the response better be positive. As a teacher, I love giving my students validation… and plenty of opportunity to get it. I ask review questions about what we are learning to make sure the students understand what I just taught, but it also gives them an opportunity for me to give them positive reinforcement. Things that I never got as a child. When I would do something right, more often than not the feedback would be akin to, ‘Why can’t you do it like that every time?’ Thanks Mother… and again, thanks Dad.

    I am not losing weight for anyone but myself. There are simply no benefits to being morbidly obese that I am aware of, and myriad benefits to being slim and in shape. Yes, I want to lose weight for my wife, not only for our longevity and so that I do not fall ill with any of countless obesity-related illnesses that would require her to care for me (which she would do I know, but I would rather not have to burden her thusly), but also for our immediate happiness, including our intimate life (which improves with every pound I lose). If Leslie and I were not together, would I still be on this journey? I think so. I hope so. Like most people, I like to look good, and it is simply easier to do that when you are slimmer than fatter. I feel better in the clothes I wear, and I feel better out of them. So yes, I want to lose weight for my wife… but I want to lose weight for me as well.

    With all of that said, who does not like getting compliments? As I have written before, not all compliments are welcome… but the sincere ones from people who care about you feel good. I was walking with Princess Sophie a few days ago and a neighbour who moved away but was in the neighbourhood saw me and was shocked by my progress. That feels good.

    I am changing my schedule for today. Usually, I would walk later in the afternoon, but because I did not walk yesterday, and because the weather is conducive to it – at present, it is 66° and cloudy. The high temperature is only forecast at 74°F, and the sun will be peaking from behind clouds from 1pm onwards. The weather will be decent all day, but if I go now, then I will have the whole afternoon to do what I want to do. Maybe I will go to a movie after lunch. Who knows?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 204

    I was at the park with Princess Sophie by the time I realized that I did not feel any discomfort from my previous aches. I suppose I will keep an eye on things for another day, but I hope that I am out of the woods with that.

    Yesterday’s cheat was a handful of pumpkin seeds that I usually reserve for my salads, but which was a very fine nosh for my mid-afternoon pangs. My plans for today are to not do that… although knowing that I have a friend coming over for a cigar, I suspect that he will try to entice me to join him in a glass of whisky. I am probably going to tell him I am on antibiotics, and am unable to drink. We will see. He is a fellow cigar sommelier, and it is not often I get to sit and share a pairing with another trained smoker.

    My weight dropped by another .2 pound today; at this rate, it would take me seven weeks to lose five pounds, so I will continue to try to improve on that. Yes, down is still better than up, and yes, I remember that it is the downward trend, and not individual points on the graph that are important. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to resume my exercise regimen, and that will give my weight loss progress the kick in the pants it needs.

    We are now inside two weeks until my trip to Dallas, and I am thrilled that I will be able to see her again. I only wish it was sooner. Good things come to those who wait, sure… but I hate having to wait to see my wife. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to sort things out so that I can move down there and we can be together permanently. Our Rectangle Zone dates are nice, but we both need more.

    HRF Princess Sophie is so gorgeous following her spa day yesterday! She loves her new coif, and was the belle of the ball (read: park) this morning. All of the doggies wanted to play with her. Can you blame them?

    Today is the final day of my current class, but not of my contract with this group. I am finishing up the networking lessons today, and will start on security tomorrow. I have a good group of students, and I am glad that I will be them through the end of this month. The paid contract does not hurt either… I miss having a steady paycheque, and these contracts keep me going until I can stabilize and start looking for steady work again.

    The forecast calls for a sunny day today and through the weekend, which should bode well for my fitness walking. I did not want to stop, but I have to worry about my immediate health before I concern myself with my future health. Preventing serious injury is a good reason to take a few days off, but I do want to get back to it starting tomorrow… especially knowing that tomorrow I am planning on preparing a steak for lunch, which will be my first red meat since my birthday, over a month ago.

    There is no doubt that my eating habits have changed, and I find myself eating significantly less red meat than I ever did, as well as more fish. I strongly suspect that when my active weight management program is behind me, I will not be going back to my old ways. Yes, I love a good steak… but I do want to eat healthier for life, which means it will be a rare indulgence, and not a regular part of my diet.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 201

    I cheated on my food intake yesterday. My weight is slightly up this morning. It would be easy to say post hoc ergo propter hoc, that the weight gain is the result of the cheating. What is more likely is that while I did cheat, I did not go overboard… and weight loss is never a direct and uninterrupted downward line. I am satisfied that I have been doing well on my program, and even though I had a bag of popcorn and two cookies, I am not discouraged.

    I should also mention that while I did eat those things, I did not have my three meal replacements. I only had two, foregoing the last one to offset the calories from the cheating (more from the cookies than from the popcorn).

    One might think that with all of the tubs of smaller-sized clothes that I have that I would not have to buy new for a long time. While that might be true, I do get excited that I am losing weight, and therefore will look better in cool and fashionable clothes. As such, this morning I ordered three new golf shirts that will be delivered to Leslie’s place in time for my next visit in a couple of weeks. There is a story behind the shirts.

    A year and a half ago my Rabbi and friend gifted me the absolute wildest golf shirt I have ever seen. I loved the psychedelic colours that were reminiscent of how the movies portrayed an LSD trance from the 1960s. It remains to this day one of my favourite shirts, and every time I wear it, someone comments on it… either one of my students, or a cashier, or just someone in the street or store. He told me the story of how he came across the company, but I regret I do not remember the details. Suffice it to say, I loved not only the design, but the quality and feel. I also appreciated that when I was at my fattest, it still fit.

    The company has dozens of funky golf shirts, and when I decided to buy new, I went to their website. I picked out a couple of patterns. After checking with Leslie (I do not need her approval, but I like to wear things that she appreciates) I was ready to order two shirts. I went to check out, and they were charging $10 shipping. Of course, there was also a banner on the front page of the site that said they shipped free on orders over $125. Even before the coupon code that Leslie dug up (thanks babe!) I would have been under that, but with the coupon I was saving enough money that I was prepared to buy a third shirt, and free shipping was now applied to my order.

    I can hardly wait to get them… It is exciting that I am dipping below the threshold from which I refused to buy new clothes into the zone where I know that clothes that I buy will now fit me for a few months. Of course, I did buy the custom-tailored clothes a few months ago, and if I am going to continue to wear those, I will have to find a tailor to adjust the sizes. I will look into that this week, so that I can take some of them to Dallas with me in a couple of weeks.

    I had popcorn again today. I am not going to have the cookies that I had yesterday. I am going to try to be good the rest of the day. I am also relieved that this was the last of my microwave popcorn, and so unless I go shopping and choose to buy more popcorn, I am done with that. I do have most of a box of Bear Paw cookies in the cupboard, but those have seldom been a real temptation for me.

    After seven straight days of pushing myself, I am going to take a break from fitness walking today. It is not because there is an 80% chance of rain between 5-7pm, it is because I pushed myself to go further, harder, and more than I thought that I could, and I want to give my legs (and especially my feet) a day to recover.

    A few years ago, my Master and friend told me that it is good to diet, but every so often I should cheat so that I could stay true to my diet. I thought this was a lousy idea, partially because back then I had not tried to change my habits, I was only tried to stop eating so that I could lose weight. A few days ago, Leslie suggested that from time to time it is okay to reward myself with a cheat meal, as long as you do it in moderation, and using common sense. For example, sushi might be a good cheat meal; deep-fried battered and breaded Buffalo wings is not. By using the same logic, eating the popcorn yesterday (and today) is not the end of the world. If I were to make it a habit that I was going to eat popcorn (and cookies) every day, that would be the end of my weight loss program.

    What I am getting at with that is that I should not – and will not – beat myself up over minor cheats. There are myriad foods that are not on my program that I can eat occasionally and sparingly. I just do not want to get into the habit, or do it too often. Once per week is fine, more is pushing it.

    This evening I will not be going for a walk, but that does not mean I should alter my routine. At 5:30 I will finish teaching, and I will make my meal replacement. When that is finished, I will take Princess Sophie for her walk. I have some calls to make after that, and will then sit on the balcony and talk with my wife until it is time for my last meal replacement… and bed. I am planning it out because if I don’t, it would be so easy to fall from grace, as it were.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 176

    Yesterday I ate relatively normal… but yes, I ate shawarma for lunch and rotisserie chicken for dinner. I avoided temptation several times, including when my friend asked me to get her a Boston Maple Cream doughnut at Tim Hortons.

    This morning I met Esti for brunch and I was mostly good… a bagel with lox and cream cheese with a couple of poached eggs. From there we went to a funeral, and after that is where I went wrong. I picked up 4.5 dozen Montreal bagels to take to various people… two of which I ate with a couple of slices of cheese. Bad Mitch!

    I have now reorganized my trunk three times this trip. I truly regret not leaving my golf clubs at home… and maybe a few other things! I think I am finally mostly satisfied with it, and as long as I can drop my suitcase off at the hotel before collecting Leslie and her son from the airport tomorrow I should be fine.

    I had to make a very difficult decision last night. I have cut two friends out of my life, which is always very difficult for me. However there are things that I can live with, and there are things I just cannot accept. One of the friends I told, but the other I am just going to fade away. It is sad, but it was necessary… for two very different reasons.

    It is 3:15pm and I am still waiting for my passport to arrive so I can head down to New York. I am really stressed, because if it does not arrive today my entire weekend will be ruined. I really need to leave tonight, and if not everything goes to crap. I am sitting, outwardly calm, smoking a cigar. Inside, I am going nuts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 172

    Yesterday was great! It is so nice to have good friends. I ate too much (both the food and the cake were amazing!) but it was worth it.

    I did not weigh myself this morning. There was no reason behind it other than I forgot. I am sure I would not have liked the number so it doesn’t matter. Tomorrow will be better.

    I drove Leslie to the airport this morning which is always sad. At least this time we know that we will only be apart five days. She is sadder because it might be the last time she visits me in Canada, and my apartment was special for us.

    This evening I am going to a concert with Lyle and Dorothy and his sister which will be fun. They are picking me up and I am sure it will be fun… but I really wish Leslie was coming with us.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 155

    My walk this morning hit a lot of firsts. It was, firstly, my first post-Covid walk. I know I am not yet 100%, but I did want to give it a try. It was my first walk in Dallas, and my first walk in 36°c heat (that is about 96° Fahrenheit). All good starts. I took it easy, so it is also the first time I am posting my stats here where they are worse than the previous attempt.

    • Distance: 4.00 km (7.00 km)
    • Duration: 46:17 minutes (1:15:57 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 11:33 (10:51)
    • Steps: 5k (8.7k)
    • Calories burned: 226 (402)
    • Elevation gain: 22m (22.1m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 108 (114)

    All in all, I am extremely happy that I did it. I will try to do it tomorrow, but I have to remember to bring a bottle of water with me. Yes, it is bloody hot out there!

    Breakfast was good… I had an omelet with onions, broccoli, and cheese. After I came home from my walk, Leslie and I decided to be bad… we ordered pizza. We do not cheat often, and I have been jonesing for a pizza for months. It was delicious indeed! For dinner, I will make chicken wings and a salad. Leslie is still new to the air fryer, and I want to introduce her to new ways to make food for her son. We bought the wings the other day, and I defrosted them overnight. She has a great sauce that we will use, but air fried is so much healthier than regular fried!

    My downward trend on the bathroom scale continues, and I hit another low this morning. I am thrilled by it! Leslie said that every time my weight hits a plateau, I just have to come to Dallas to see her. Maybe she is right? I doubt that Covid is having a real effect on it, but who knows? I am now three pounds down from my last weigh-in at home. To make things even sweeter, after my walk I stepped on the scale and was another two pounds down… I know that I lost a lot of water during the walk so it does not count… but it is still cool. If I were to have gotten weighed by my doctor at the same weight as I weighed in this morning, I would be 3.5 kg down from my weigh-in just over two weeks ago. Woohoo!

    I did enjoy my first cigar last night, and I was able to taste it, although I am not sure that I got the full effects. I got a strong note of cinnamon from the very first puff to the very last, which is not what this particular cigar should taste like. I will stick to a cheaper cigar for tonight if I decide to have one.

    It does get hot down here in Texas, that is for sure. A few people warned me about it, and I knew… but I forgot. Yessir, summer in Texas is not like summer in California. I will absolutely get used to it, I just forgot that the heat can be oppressive here.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 140

    I stepped onto the scale this morning expecting to see the wrath of my cheating. I was surprised to be .6 lbs down from yesterday, which is awesome. The good news is that there is no more dried mango in the house. I will also admit that yes, I had some peanuts yesterday morning.

    There are days when it is harder being apart from my fiancée than others. Yesterday was one of the hard ones. It was her birthday, and she is not a huge fan of birthdays. Like any good, thoughtful, caring fiancée would, I called the florist on Monday and ordered a delivery, along with a lovely card. Yesterday morning I called her to wish her a happy birthday, and we chatted sporadically throughout the day (as we often do). Toward the end of the day, after she had expressed her exasperation about many things, I started to worry that wait… why hadn’t she at least gotten the flowers? I asked if she had received any deliveries, and she said she had not. I called the florist, but they were already closed. I sent an email expressing my displeasure (as politely as possible). Unfortunately, if they were closed, I would likely not get a response or satisfaction until the following day. Sure enough, this morning they responded that there was some sort of printer problem which prevented them from fulfilling the order, but it would be delivered first thing today… and it was, but still a day late.

    So how did I cheat yesterday? I think I have mentioned that I buy and stock certain snacks for Leslie (and I suppose for whoever else comes over and wants a snack) in the house. Of these, the only one that I really love is the dried mangos. Leslie knows this and does her best to hide them from me when she is not here. I have never really gone looking for them (well, once…) and they have never magically jumped out from their hiding place to tempt me… until last week. I was showing her son something in my pantry on video call, and I accidentally nudged a box of her cookies, causing them to fall… heavier than they should have. It turns out she hid the dried mangos in one place she knew I would never look! The good news is that there are no more dried mangos in the house to tempt me.

    The cleaning lady is coming today, but I also have some shopping to do. I am going to head out to the supermarket in a few minutes, and then at 2pm I will pick her up from the train station. I have nothing else planned for the day, although I might do some work on renewing expiring certifications. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Kindly Shut Up!

    I mentioned earlier that I was at a friend’s birthday party over the weekend, and it was a lovely day… that was marred by my friend trying to get me to eat something that I should not eat. In this particular case, he was telling me how good the blood sausage was. I told him that as a practicing Jew, I cannot eat it because it is not kosher. My friend, who was born Jewish but has never practiced the religion, told me something like ‘I know… but today it’s okay to eat it.’ I was truly offended. My friend knew me before I started observing many of the dietary laws of my faith, so I suppose he knows that I would like it.

    It is amazing that thirty-three years after I graduated high school, I am still subject to peer pressure… and this, from an 82-year-old man.

    My relationship with G-d is nobody else’s business, and it is my responsibility alone to eat or to not eat in accordance with my faith. My friend did not hold me down and force non-kosher food into my mouth. I had to make the decision on my own… and I made the correct decision.

    Where I made the wrong decision was when the deserts came out, and I was handed a piece of birthday cake. Again, as someone on a diet, it is up to me to eat or to not eat what I should or should not be eating.

    Where that argument starts to weaken is when people try to tell you ‘Oh, you can diet tomorrow!’ or ‘Just take a break… one piece of cake won’t kill you!’ The (ironically phrased) icing on the cake is ‘Oh you are doing so well! Just have this, it is so good!’

    Let’s put this into context by replacing some of the words:

    ‘Mitch, you are a heroin addict, but you have done so well kicking the habit… one shot won’t kill you!? Just have this, it is so good!’

    Do you see where I am going with this? Food is an addiction and getting off the foods that are so terrible for us – and not just for a day, but for the long term – is extremely difficult, and requires a discipline that many people just do not have. I have been overweight for nearly as long as I have been out of the Army and kicking those terrible habits that I learned for so many years (from people who I thought loved me) is the hardest thing I have ever done. How hard? I have done it twice… and each time I ended up back where I was and am not on my third attempt.

    What is worse is that so many of the people who encourage you to take a day off from your diet are the same ones who told you that you needed to lose weight (or more often made fun of you behind your back). They are often the same people who tell you how great you are looking, and that you should keep it up. They are too often the people who claim to be your greatest advocates for success.

    By the way, some of these people are not actually trying to sabotage your diet… although that is exactly the result. Many of them think that after so many weeks or months of work that you actually deserve that piece of cake, bowl of ice cream, whatever. They do not know what temptations you were exposed to or succumbed to yesterday because they were not there. They do not know what will happen tomorrow because they will not be there. They assume that you can be on a diet 100% of the time… when you are not with them, but when you are with them you should enjoy the same foods that caused you to need to diet in the first place.

    In the end I did not touch the blood sausage, and my religious dietary discipline was maintained. However, the negative advice from my friend consumed my mind, and when it came time for birthday cake, I was not paying attention to the fact that I was doing so well on my diet; I ate the cake and a couple of pastries. While I am always responsible for what I put into my mouth, I was driven to distraction by the negative encouragement. Yes, it is on me… but my friend can claim an assist.

    Let me be clear, and this applies to both religion and to weight management: You can either be my advocate and ally one hundred percent of the time, or you can kindly shut up and keep your critiques and opinions to yourself. Do you remember how well you said I was doing? I did all of that without your advice and I am certainly not going to follow any advice to stop doing well. Some would say that your negative encouragement is counter intuitive. I say it is stupid and offensive, and I don’t want to hear it. Take your ‘advice’ to cheat just this once and shove it up your ass.

  • Day 138

    I fell off the wagon yesterday… hard. Eduardo’s birthday barbecue was a great family affair, and I saw a lot of people I have not seen in years. My friend – and he truly is a friend – tried to convince me to eat blood sausage, which is not kosher for many reasons. It stuck in my craw that my friend who was born Jewish and who at the age of 76 I helped to get bar mitzvah’d would try to get me to eat that. I told him ‘Sorry, I can’t eat that.’ He replied, ‘No of course not… but today you can!’ I was truly hurt. I know he did not mean to hurt me, but that did not change the fact that I spent so much time on it. I focused on that, instead of eating properly. I had some cheese, which I doubt will do me much harm. After a reasonable wait, I had chicken and salad for lunch, which is not harmful. Then the birthday cake was served, and I fell right off. Not only did I have a piece of red velvet cake, I also had a couple of treats from the pastry tray.

    For dinner I had a piece of salmon with a side salad, and a huge helping of guilt. I then had four pieces of dried mango, which I wish I had not found the other day. At least I did not have a meal replacement in the evening on top of that.

    The bathroom scale scolded me gently this morning. I truly thought it would be worse, but I was only up .4 lbs. I was going to say that I hope and pray that I can stay on track today… but hope is not a strategy. I know that I have to go grocery shopping today – I am nearly out of milk, and I have only one head of lettuce left. I know I have enough chicken and fish for a while, as well as canned salmon and canned tuna. That means my trip to the supermarket can be reasonably brief. I am out of pumpkin seeds, so I will go to Bulk Barn… but I will not be buying any peanuts. What I might buy is the chocolate covered marshmallows that both Leslie and her son love. While he is already really excited to meet me, I told Leslie yesterday that I have no qualms about bribing him and buying his affection.

    I have taken chicken out of the fridge to defrost, and I will try to be as true to my plan as possible today. I feel terrible about how I fell off the wagon yesterday, and I need to get back on track. If I don’t… well, then I will always be a fat fuck.

    I have a few errands to do today, some of which are online, others I have to go out. Other than that, I plan to relax. My foot is bothering me, but it is not a gout issue – I think I had something stuck in my shoe between my foot and the heel, and there is a bit of a bruise there. I’ll wait a day or two before venturing out to exercise.

    Have a great day folks!