Losing a part of me

Category: Food

  • Day 219

    I suspect it is the high sodium content of the Lebanese food that we enjoyed last night that accounted for the this morning’s 2.2lbs weight gain. Yes, I cheated during the day. I had three handfuls of peanuts over the course of the day, plus one serving of dried mango. Yes, I had a salad at lunch, in addition to the meal replacement bar that I had. The Lebanese food, on the other hand, was excessive. It was not only a large meal, consisting of proteins and carbs and salads and stuff, not to mention the half piece of pita I enjoyed with way too much hummus. It was extremely tasty; it was also extremely salty. It is the reason I gained weight from yesterday to today.

    I will mention at this juncture that I have a very set morning routine, toward the end of which I weigh myself. That is the only time that I weigh myself during the day. This morning there was an anomaly – not in my morning routine, but in how my morning went after the routine. Part of my morning routine is a bowel movement, which is almost always regular, and with very rare exceptions is my only bowel movement of the day. This morning, about an hour into my class (while they were doing a test) I had a second significant movement, which may well have changed things somewhat.

    While I am going to stick to my weight loss program as well as I can while in Dallas, I know that there are going to be aberrations. I know that I will take Leslie out for a couple of good meals, and while I can order smartly for those meals, I cannot completely control what a restaurant puts into their food. I would like to cook every meal for Leslie, but that is not going to happen for several reasons. I simply have to remember that for every cheat, I have to be extra good the rest of the time. That means no more peanuts, no more snacking. That means that outside of meals, my meal replacements are my friends.

    Speaking of meal replacements, that was something that threw me off yesterday. I spoke of the difference between the Canadian meal replacements (225 calories) and the American meal replacements (160 calories). If I was on the full Canadian program, I would be consuming four shakes per day (and nothing else) for a total of 900 calories. On the full American program, I would be consuming five meal replacements per day (and nothing else) for a total of 800 calories. One of the reasons I snacked like I did yesterday is that I forgot of the caloric deficit; I did not think to modify my schedule so that I would not be hungry… and I was. This morning (as yesterday) I had my first meal replacement at 8:00am. On a teaching day in Canada, I would be having it at 8:30am, after walking Princess Sophie. The 225 calories would get me through to my lunch hour (12:30pm) without fail. The 160 calories here did not do so well; I will plan today to have a meal replacement around 11:30am, and not think that I am failing or cheating. It was that feeling yesterday that actually led me to cheating and failure.

    I did not exercise yesterday, and will not today. The schedule just does not allow me to do everything I would like to do, and while I can exercise to my heart’s content in Canada, here I want to spend time with my wife. She and I might go for a walk together tomorrow, which would be lovely. I will happily adjust my pace for her! She told me yesterday that next month her company is doing a charity walk, and this could help her to prepare for it. As luck would have it, the distance of the charity walk is exactly the distance of one of my routes here, so it works out perfectly.

    I told Leslie this morning that I am sleeping much better next to her than I do at home, which was to be expected. I also told her that one of the reasons I am impatient to lose a lot more weight is because I suspect that I will be less tired throughout the day (and especially at night) than I am as I carry around all of this excess fat. I know I have a lot more energy now than I did eight months ago… imagine how much more energy I will have when I have lost another seventy-five pounds!?

    My new water bottle arrived yesterday, and it is gorgeous. It does not fit into my shoulder sling, so I am ordering another one, which should arrive by tomorrow. I do not know if it will be here in time for us to go on our walk, but that’s life.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 218

    Welcome to Dallas! I arrived at Pearson International Airport yesterday four hours in advance of my flight, expecting there to be a ridiculous line followed by a lengthy interview at U.S. Customs. There was absolutely no line (as in, I walked up to the queue and was directed immediately to an unoccupied agent). He asked me maybe five or six questions, and wished me a pleasant journey. It was the first time I ever had more time to kill at the airport than the actual duration of my flight.

    I did not bring meal replacements with me, which was a mistake for two reasons. The first is that there are few (if any) really healthy options in the airport, and the second is that everything at the airport is priced ridiculously. Of the available options, I opted for a pad thai salad with tofu. I later cheated with a small can of Pringles and a small bag of almonds. On the airplane, I had the biscuits and pretzels offered, with a Coke Zero and a cup of coffee.

    Leslie and I had discussed what to do for dinner once I arrived. After debating Mexican, steak, and a few other options, I suggested she eat before coming to pick me up, and that I would have a protein shake (or bar). She brought a bar (and a bottle of water) for me to the airport, which I ate on the ride home. I do not know if it quite makes up for the cheats, but I know it was the right thing to do. When you falter – and you will falter – the best thing to do is to recover and continue on your path.

    I slept well last night, after the happy discovery of another unmentioned benefit of weight loss. It was good to sleep next to my wife again. It has been too long!

    This morning I made a mistake with my meal replacement shake. Forgetting that the American formula is different from the Canadian one I put too much water into the mix, and ended up with a diluted shake. I will learn from that, and for my next shake will measure out the necessary ingredients. Once I have done so once, I will be able to do it by sight again… but the watery shake left me unsated, leading to my taking a couple small handfuls of peanuts mid-morning, along with a slice of dried mango. Leslie reminded me that she should not have to police my food intake, and she is right. I know what I did wrong, and I will adjust for it so that this afternoon and the rest of my visit will be better.

    I was going to make dinner tonight, but Leslie is going to her office in the afternoon, which means she will be near the really good Shawarma restaurant. I will order well, and will only have meal replacements aside from that. I am really looking forward to that meal!

    In the evening, I suspect she and I will either go sit by the pool for a cigar, or we might go to my cigar lounge to say hi, and to enjoy a stick there. I don’t know, but I do know that I am happy that we have a date together, and that there are no phones involved!

    The reading on the bathroom scale was down this morning, despite the cheating yesterday. I am not quite back to my previous milestone, but I am getting there. I know that I beat myself up over what really are minor cheats, but that is the only way that I know to not have them escalate into larger cheats over time. I have done that before, and I will not do it again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 215

    I made three mistakes yesterday… and I paid dearly for them this morning.

    1. My friends gave me a package of low-carb tortillas they thought I would enjoy. While I did enjoy them, I wish I had not. I will not be eating them again.
    2. The same friends recommended that rather than buying raw chicken and cooking it, I should buy a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket, and then chop some of it up and put it in the tortillas. While I do have a lot of chicken left, I will definitely not be repeating this exercise.
    3. I ate my meal at dinner time rather than at lunchtime, because I spent the afternoon with them.

    I want to be clear now that I am not blaming anyone but myself for the three pounds gained on the bathroom scale this morning. They did not force me to eat the tortillas (which may be low-carb, but still a lot more carbohydrates than I eat usually). They certainly did not force me to opt for the rotisserie chicken. They are not responsible for when I eat. I made these mistakes.

    You read that right… I am up three pounds this morning. Whereas Saturday I crossed below the 320-pound mark, today my weight is closer to 325 than to 320.

    I am kicking myself because the truth is I did not even enjoy the meal nearly as much as I enjoy my regular meals. I was going to write that I would have been just as happy with my normal chicken and salad; in truth, I would have been happier.

    I do not know if my decision to not walk yesterday was really much of a contributing factor to this morning’s stupid jump on the scale, but I stand by it as a smart decision. Muscles need timed to recover sometimes, and last night I was able to see and feel muscular definition in my legs that has been missing for years. That is a huge non-scale victory, on a day of a huge scale defeat. When there is little positive to look at, you should try to find at least a glimmer of it.

    I am torn about my plans for today. I am torn between eating the rotisserie chicken (which I believe is extremely high in sodium, a contributing factor to my weight gain), and going to buy raw chicken to cook. Honestly, I think that is the right decision. Yes, I am going to head to the store to pick that up so that I can return to my regularly scheduled meal plan. I am going to ask my buddy if I can freeze the remaining tortillas, and save them for a treat.

    It is raining today, and the forecast is for rain from 2pm throughout the evening. Depending on how heavy the rain is, I might or might not walk. If it is pouring rain then I will not, but if it is just a light drizzle then I will try to go out for a turn.

    I have a couple of errands to take care of today, including sending the tailor an email to see if my clothes are ready, or at least will be by tomorrow. I do want to take them to Dallas with me, and that was always my deadline for her. If they are not done in time, then I am really not going to be happy… but it is something I have no control over at this point. I also have to print out the Covid forms for air travel, thanks to American Airlines’ app not supporting my Canadian residence. Sheesh.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Keep On Keeping On

    I knew that I was being a bad boy the second I told Ryan I would have one hamburger with a bun. Knowing my love of onions, he bought a couple of onion rolls (to go with the all-beef burgers that he was buying for me). I heard him mention to our other friend that he did not eat them, am I did not want to seem ungracious. I was carbing up… and I am supposed to be on a very low-carb diet.

    The burgers were wonderful, no doubt. I do wish he had not bought special burgers for me though. Had the only option been the patties with cheese and bacon in them, I could have begged off and not cheated… but my word, they were tasty! Yes, they… I ate one with the bun, and another without.

    On my drive home I knew I had to go for a long walk. I could not just eat like that and not exercise today… it would be a slap in the face to the milestones that I hit and wrote about this morning. I got home and changed into my workout clothes. I took Princess Sophie for her walk (the same path that we have gotten accustomed to taking most mornings, which it turns out is 1.2km), and then set out for mine… planning a route in my head that I knew would be long.

    What I did not account for was the (for Canada) grueling heat. I usually am nearly finished my water bottle (one litre) by the time I walk into the apartment. Today I realized that it was empty before kilometre number seven… and I was over two kilomtres from home. If I learned anything during my time in the Army it is that hydration is not a little important; it is huge. In truth, it is everything, because if you fall out from dehydration the consequences during training are not pleasant; in the field they can be disastrous. At the corner of Dundas and Walker’s Line, just after finishing kilometre seven, I paused my trackers and walked into the Circle K to grab a bottle of Gatorade Zero. While the bottle was gone before I had walked another 500m, the hydration and electrolytes were sufficient to get me home.

    • Distance: 9.5km (8.07km)
    • Duration: 1:37:15 (1:19:59)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:14 (9:54)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m43s (9m32s)
    • Steps: 12.1k (9.9k)
    • Calories burned: 1,187 (1003)
    • Elevation gain: 32.6 (30.3)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 122 (124)

    While my first two kilometres had me on a track to match or even beat yesterday’s walk, the heat slowed me down; while two of my first four kilometres were under ten minutes (and my average per kilometre was still under that threshold), I did slow down somewhat after kilometre four, and am not surprised that my pace fell off somewhat. Still and all, I was under 10m40 on every kilometre, so I am not at all disappointed.

    I do not know if I completely worked off the cheat-lunch that I had, but at least I did not throw up my hands in surrender. It would have been easy to just say ‘Oh well, today is a wash, I will start again tomorrow.’ That is not what I am doing… especially knowing that I am getting weighed at the doctor’s office in 3.5 days… and that night I will be seeing my wife! While I doubt if I will get down to 315-pounds by then, I am certainly not going to be happy getting onto the plane over the 320-pound mark. I dropped below that today for the first time, and I hope to be solidly and permanently below that by Wednesday.

    As I have done several times on days when I have cheated, I will not be having three meal replacements. I did not feel that I needed one before my walk, and while I am still not sure if I need one afterwards, I think it prudent to have it, lest I realize at 11:30pm that I am hungry.

    When you tangle up, tango on. Lunch today was a mistake, but I did not miss a beat in getting back on track. That is the best way to avoid failure.

  • Day 212

    It is good to be back on track.

    Yesterday evening I was tired… but that did not stop me from going to Taekwondo. I made a mistake with the schedule, thinking that Thursday evening there were two classes that were appropriate for me – the senior belts class, and the adult class. After putting on my dobok, I walked into the gym only to realize that I was looking at a children’s class.

    I had told myself that I wanted to spend a lot of time stretching during class, I took the opportunity to carve out a small corner in the back of the room and did just that for nearly the entire class. When it was time for the actual senior belts class to start, I was not exactly limber… but I was ready to go.

    I need to do that more often. Just spend the full class stretching, regaining the mobility that I once had. It was never great – I have never been as flexible or as graceful as so many other martial artists, many of whom I have trained with and trained. My kicks are powerful and effective, but I would never win a competition based on beauty and style. However, I will do what I can to improve my flexibility, at least to the point where I was ten years ago. That will involve a great deal more stretching… and not only on occasional Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Remember how angry I was at my bathroom scale the last two days? This morning it effectively apologized to me, with a massive 2-pound drop from yesterday. That brought me back into the ‘best weight yet’ territory, as I am now a full .6 pound less than my previous best. Unfortunately, my week-over-week loss is only one pound down from last Friday. While I do not consider a single pound drop in a week to be a good week, but I have to remember what I wrote: One pound lost is three pounds of progress. There are days when I just find it so hard to be patient with tiny steps, when I want to take giant leaps… especially when I am doing almost everything right. Just the other night, Leslie reminded me that patience is not one of her virtues. I guess in a lot of ways it is not always one of mine either.

    As I said yesterday, I will almost certainly drop below the 320-pound mark before I fly to Dallas on Wednesday, but it is extremely unlikely that I will drop as far as 315-pounds. I would need to lose another six pounds from today until Wednesday, which is only five days away. No, that will not happen… but as I have said, I aimed for the stars and while I missed, I still hit the moon. I have already lost better than twenty pounds since I returned from Dallas less than two months ago, and ten pounds per month is nothing to sneeze at… especially when some of that time has been as emotionally charged and difficult as it has been.

    I was considering buying a steak for lunch today, but decided against it. My indulgence from last week had no deleterious effects on me, and to celebrate the Sabbath is it proper to have a celebratory meal. I decided against it for a number of reasons, including cost. With that said, I have decided that while I will not be cutting red meat out (as have so many people), I am happy making it an occasional treat and not a regular part of my diet. I had a steak last week and it was wonderful. Maybe when I am back from Dallas, I will have another one. Once per month seems a reasonable cadence… and I have always loved chicken so it is not a hardship for me!

    Speaking of which, I just prepared my lunch. I am hungry, but it is still 90 minutes from meal time. I can survive that, no problem! I just wish I could pop a snack in my mouth to satisfy my hunger, but I know that either my hunger is really in my mind, or if it is in my stomach then I have to learn to control it. There were times in my life when other people controlled my food – when I was a kid and when I was in the Army – and if I got hungry between meals I could either complain about it or live with the hunger, knowing that it was temporary. I have to re-learn how to live with hunger.

    The weather forecast for the next few hours calls for rain, but that is supposed to clear up by 6:00pm, which means that I will be able to walk after class. I am happy about that, knowing that I have not gone for a good walk since Monday evening. That is not to discount the Taekwondo that I did last night, but it is a different kind of workout, and I look forward to pushing myself this evening.

    I am looking forward to the weekend, and will try to use some of my free time to do some more exercise – whether that be walking, stretching, or actually re-learning my Taekwondo patterns. Actually, that is a good idea. I will spend some time at the park with my new book on Poomsae and try to re-learn so much of what I have forgotten over the years. Fortunately, I know that my muscles will remember a lot of what my brain has forgotten.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 211

    My weight loss program is extremely important to me, and my routine is fairly important to my progress. With that said, sleep is even more important; without sleep, I do not have the energy to get through the day. I have not been getting nearly enough sleep this past week, and I needed to figure out a way to end that streak. I decided, for one day only, to have a second meal. Yesterday evening I prepared a second meal identical to my first – chicken and salad – and enjoyed it around 6:30pm. I did this in place of the two evening meal replacements, so while I certainly consumed more calories than I would normally, it was not obscenely so. I then spent the evening on the balcony with a cigar, watching television and then talking with my wife.

    Is the extra meal the reason I slept well last night? I do not know. I could have happily stayed in bed another couple of hours, which was obviously not an option. That’s okay… and I am hoping that this evening I will be able to catch up on even more sleep… hopefully after a Taekwondo class.

    My weight was down nearly a full pound this morning, but is still a full 1.5-pounds higher than my low from Tuesday. These corrections are annoying and often disheartening, and I have to remember that it is the downward trend that is important, and frankly the weigh-ins at the doctor’s office. The bathroom scale, which I have known to be notoriously inaccurate, is a bellwether, not expected to be scientifically accurate.

    The forecast calls for a 30% chance of rain at some point today, but if I am going to Taekwondo and not for a walk, that will not be an issue for me. It will affect Princess Sophie, who has never been a big fan of precipitation… she might just step out for a few minutes to pee, rather than taking her full walk.

    I am wearing a golf shirt from the Size-XL bin today, on top of a pair of pants from the Size-40 bin. It feels good to be able to feel my progress with such victories!

    I realized last night that I would be running out of milk, but I did nothing about it. This morning’s first cup of coffee had dairy, but that will be it. I have to remember to pick up a litre this afternoon… and to not get the larger container, as I am going out of town Wednesday for a week.

    I have reached out to my diet buddy to confirm that we are still meeting this afternoon. We are supposed to meet every Thursday, but life often gets in the way. I love having Leslie’s full support, but I hope that Julie and I can touch base today to see how we are both doing.

    With regard to my meal replacements, I realized this week that I was running low, which is to say that I have 36 shakes left. To put that in perspective, at the peak I had twelve boxes, or 168 shakes. I thought briefly about going onto Facebook to buy more, and then decided against it… for now. I have a large case of shakes (84 servings) and a small case of apple cinnamon bars (42 servings) waiting for me in Dallas, and while they are the American formula (which means I have to adjust my schedule to compensate for the caloric differences), there is no reason I cannot bring some of them back to Canada with me… and I will only be back in Canada for three weeks before my next trip, so I only need bring enough to get me through that. Assuming with the American formula I plan for four meal replacements per day, that is 84 meal replacements that I need to bring back. No problem, and unlike here (where I have to buy them on the grey market), I can always order more in the US off eBay.

    Okay, so my diet buddy and I touched base during my break. She is not having a very easy time of it, and I gave her some tips… including the importance of telling people ‘I CANNOT EAT THAT (or THERE)’ instead of just going along, either to please them or because you are embarrassed to say that you are on a diet. It is embarrassing too, because it is vocalizing that you are fat. Also, if you tell someone you are on a diet, you always have to be on a diet with them, lest you slip and they think you are weak. All of those issues are psychological and deeply embedded into us, and we have to let go of them. Yes, it may hurt… but eating a poutine will hurt more.

    It is nearly time for me to get back into class, so have a great day folks!

  • Day 209

    As can be expected following an evening walk like I had last night, I woke up this morning with achy legs. The blisters on my feet had blisters on them. I will not let that stop me though… I am on a mission.

    The bathroom scale gave me back what it took away yesterday, and so I am again at the weight I was Sunday. While it is good to be back on track (and at my best weight), I would have liked to have gotten a pleasant surprise, maybe a new low. I know, that is not how weight loss works. I did expect, after an extremely productive bowel movement, that it might be even better… but no, there it was, the numbers on the scale aping those from a couple of days ago.

    I realized yesterday as I was preparing for my walk that I was a bit ambitious with my clothes, or at least with my workout clothes. I put on a sleeveless t-shirt that I have worn a couple times, but as I was preparing to walk out, I realized that my belly was exposed… and I do not want that. I changed my shirt, and later in the evening I told Leslie that when I am down there, we will need to try to pick up a couple of t-shirts. In truth, I probably have a few t-shirts that will fit just right, and later today (while my students are doing labs) I will go through my bins and see what fits.

    Princess Sophie has a play date today, so I will be teaching uninterrupted. In truth, she is a really good buddy, and seldom disturbs me while I am teaching. Occasionally, she asks to be picked up; usually she does her own thing. The one thing she does go nuts over is when she hears Charlie in the hallway; that they will be together all day will give me one less thing to think about.

    The weather forecast is predicting a beautiful day, but I am hoping that instead of walking this evening, I will go to Taekwondo. It is intimidating getting back into it after long absences. I am less worried that I do not remember my patterns as I am that I have not done my stretches in a long time, and I have never been the most flexible of people even at my best. Nonetheless, I will suit up and do what I can. I might just take the opportunity to spend the entire class stretching on my own. One of the advantages of being the senior man in the gym (both age-wise but if the Master is not in the gym, then I outrank the instructors) is that they will pretty much leave me alone if that is what I want to do.

    On that subject, I wish I had an area at home that would be comfortable to stretch, but the floors are terrible, and knowing that I am hopefully moving in the next few months, I do not want to invest in mats for the floor. I also know (or at least strongly suspect) that Princess Sophie will not really leave me alone if I get onto the floor to stretch. We’ll see… I may give it some more thought. I am also thinking that I might look into joining a gym for a few months. Before I do, I am going to wait to see how long I will likely have to wait for my visa once we file the application (hopefully next week). However, it is probably safe to assume that I am going to have to spend at least one more winter in Canada… and joining a gym will make working out in the cold and snowy and icy winters more doable. That is to say nothing for the strength training that I will be able to add to my walking. Yeah… now that I think of it, I am going to look into it. I do not want to spend more than I have to, but if GoodLife has any promotions going on, I might do that sooner rather than later.

    I was thinking last night that I have not golfed since June. I then realized that while I enjoy golfing, I also know that it was a contributing factor to my falling off the workout track back in 2020. Of course, living in Southern California (and only a mile from the golf course), it was easy to substitute walking and jogging for golfing, even after work (I was working in another time zone which had me online at 6am… but then I could run to the course by 2pm and play 18). Living in Canada, and working in the local time zone, I have plenty of time to go for a power walk at the end of the day (or to Taekwondo, or to the gym), but playing 18 holes of golf when I work until 5:00pm? There might be two weeks of the year when I could do that.

    All this to say that I might consider taking my golf clubs to Texas before the winter. I might get in one or two more rounds this season… but the only way that I can safely do that is to remember up front that the way I golf, it is not an exercise, it is a game.

    As is usually my routine when I teach, I prepared my lunch during the morning break, and I have an alarm set to remind me 25 minutes before we break for lunch to turn on the air fryer. The salad is ready and is cooling, and my chicken will be tender and juicy. I look forward to my lunches, despite the fact that they are almost always the same. I do so because lunch is my only meal of the day. I still enjoy eating and am glad that I have modified the rigorous regime of the program to include a single meal. I know that I am not losing weight nearly as fast as I might if I was only on meal replacements (which is a grueling 900-calories per day), but the benefits are tangible. I also hope that by doing it this way, I will be able to keep the weight off long-term.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 205

    After five days of stagnation, the numbers on my bathroom scale were tremendous this morning. I saw a monster 2.6-pound drop from yesterday, taking me to my lowest weight! On the one hand, it is probably an aberration, and tomorrow it will correct itself up a bit. On the other hand, woohoo! I love seeing those numbers… and being able to demonstrate that what I am doing on my weight management program is working is huge for me.

    After four days of not walking, I will be back on the trails todayI I think I mentioned the other day that I plan to substitute my regular chicken (or fish) for a nice juicy steak for lunch today, as an occasional (very occasional) treat to relieve the monotony. While that is great, I still know that I will be paying for that transgression tomorrow (and subsequent days) if I do not work it off, starting immediately. So the steak will be my lunch, and then after teaching this afternoon I will hit the road, hoping to work up a good sweat. It would be nice if I can get 8km in, but I am not promising myself anything beyond suiting up and getting out there. I still feel a slight sensitivity, which I suspect is all in my head. If I detect it returning and getting worse, not only will I cut my workout short, I will also take a trip to the walk-in clinic to have it looked at. I am assuming that it is nothing… but if it is truly something, then there is only one thing that I can think of, and I do not want to think about that.

    My buddy Etienne, a fellow cigar sommelier from the North Shore of Montreal, came in yesterday afternoon. We shared a couple of very nice cigars on my balcony, but at the back of my mind I was thinking to myself that if he was going to spend the night on my couch, I was going to have to speak with him about food. I was concerned that if he wanted to go out for dinner (or order in) that I would be tempted.

    I told him that I did not have anything in the house, but that we could order in or go out. In the end, we opted to go to Fortino’s (supermarket) which has great prepared food options. He picked up a couple of slices of pizza; I picked up coffee beans (I had run out), my steak for today, and four (yes, only four) slices of dried mango. It is a shame that the dried mango you buy in the large bags (at Costco and elsewhere) is so much better than what you can buy at the bulk foods section of the supermarket, but I was not going to risk having that ambrosia in the house as a constant temptation. I ate them as Etienne enjoyed his pizza. Princess Sophie looked at him, then at me, and then decided to sit at his feet, having decided that the dried mango was nowhere near as delicious as the pizza.

    Speaking of Her Floofness, we did not sleep very well last night. We got to bed early enough, after a third walk of the evening. Because Etienne was sleeping on the couch, I closed the bedroom door when we went into the room. Sophie almost always gets onto the bed, and stays there the whole night. However, it would seem, she is comforted by the open bedroom door, and the potential for her to roam the entire apartment. It took her a very long time to get settled, twice going down from the bed and barking (very softly) at the door. Despite being in bed earlier than I had been in weeks (or months), I do not think I was asleep before 1:30am… and her unease woke me at least three times throughout the night. Needless to say, I hope to sleep much better tonight.

    —

    THIS JUST IN! STOP THE PRESSES!

    I was wearing a pair of pants yesterday and I realized that when I tightened the belt to hold them up, the top of the waist folded over the belt. This, for those of you who have never been really fat and then lost a lot of weight, is an indicator that the pants might be too big, and are being held up by a too-tight belt. At the same time, I knew that it was less than two months ago that I dropped comfortably and completely from Size-44 to Size-42 pants, and so I doubted I was ready to drop another size that fast.

    Nonetheless, this morning I decided (halfway through this entry) to pull out the bin of Size-40 pants. On the top of the pile was a pair of Dockers (which are, in theory, the same pants I wore yesterday). I held them up by the waist, and they looked… small. I tried them on anyways… not only did they go on, they fastened comfortably!

    I did not have time this morning to try on any other pair, and it is entirely possible that this is a larger Size-40. This evening, I will try on the rest of them (while on video call with Leslie), and I will see what I can start wearing. If there are more than two pair, then all of my Size-42 pants are being donated.

    Dropping pounds is great, but even a huge drop like I experienced today may show on the scale, but you still do not look smaller from one day (or even one week) to the next. The biggest indicator of success in weight loss is how your clothes fit, and dropping from a higher size to a lower size is big, huge, flashing neon sign non-scale victory, and a true bellwether that what I have been doing is working.

    Of all of the bins of clothes that I separated out early this year, the heaviest was the smaller sizes. Why? When I weigh less, I want to look better, so I buy better clothes… and more of them. During the summer of 2020 I bought several pair of pants, as well as lots of shirts. I am excited that this evening I will be trying those on, and while some of them will stay in the bin (I am sure that a lot of my XL shirts will not fit yet), I am hopeful that several pair of pants will be moved onto my shelves, and the bin will get a whole lot lighter.

    Today is going to be a good day. Despite my fatigue (thanks Princess), I am now invigorated and excited to get on with the day. I frankly wish my class was canceled so that I could spend the day walking and jogging. Of course, I cannot do that, but as long as I stay the course – my meal at lunch, my long fitness walk in the evening, my meal replacements, and no cheating – then I can continue to see results.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 203

    I woke up in the middle of the night to pee (by far not a unique occurrence) to discover that I have a discomfort in my groin area when I walk. It has persisted through the night and into the morning, although it seems to be better after taking Her Floofness for her walk. I do not know if it is something to worry about, but it is something I will be keeping my eye on for the next few days. To be clear, it is not pain. It just feels… weird.

    It was good to see the scale go in the right direction this morning. Three days after achieving it the first time, I am back at my lowest weight, although I am pleased that I never went more than half a pound above it. I was thinking this morning that with my recent pace, it would be optimistic to believe that I could lose another ten pounds before I fly to Dallas in two weeks; with that said, even if I lose five more pounds, I will be more than twenty pounds down from where I was when I was there last.

    I have mentioned how good it is to have Leslie supporting me in my weight loss. Last night I told her that I was, once again, tempted to cheat… although I did not in the end. She asked me to confirm what I eat on a daily basis, and asked if I might not be getting bored or burned out on the monotony. I agreed, and decided that I would change things up a bit this week, and will buy a steak for lunch Friday to take a break from the chicken and fish that is my norm. She asked me about the meal replacement bars I used to have – the chocolate and apple cinnamon bars that are available for the American version of my weight loss program, but which are not available in Canada. She reminded me that those were a good way to break the boredom of three shakes and one meal per day. On her advice, this morning I ordered a case of them to be delivered to her place, and which will be there when I arrive.

    With the American meal replacements that I have ordered (I also ordered a case of shakes last week) I have to remember that the program is different, and that instead of each portion containing 225 calories (as they do in Canada), these will only have 160 calories each. I will adjust my intake accordingly, although that is not something I am going to think about now.

    Princess Sophie has her spa appointment today, so I will have to take a short break from class to drive her over there around noon. As gorgeous as she always is, she will come home even more gorgeous and coiffed. I suspect that for the summer heat she will appreciate the shorter hair.

    If my groin is not really bothering me, I would like to resume my fitness walking today, but I am not going to risk injuring myself if it is still an issue. Stay tuned.

    I went to speak with the owner of the Taekwondo school where I had an issue a few weeks ago, and all is good. I am going to train there, but I am not going to help teach. He told me that until the students know me, they can be intimidated and spooked by me. I told him that I was happy to help when he had asked, but I do not want to spook anyone… as long as I can continue to train there, I will not help the instructors unless asked. While there are certainly advantages to being big and strong and powerful (in both size and presence and voice), there are also disadvantages. Even my wife asked that I keep my powerful voice in check… which is easier to do in conversation than in a Taekwondo class setting.

    Have a great day folks… It is getting cooler here as we get to the middle of August, so whether I fitness walk or not, I will have the patio door open at times during the day, and will enjoy a cigar on the balcony this evening.

  • Day 201

    I cheated on my food intake yesterday. My weight is slightly up this morning. It would be easy to say post hoc ergo propter hoc, that the weight gain is the result of the cheating. What is more likely is that while I did cheat, I did not go overboard… and weight loss is never a direct and uninterrupted downward line. I am satisfied that I have been doing well on my program, and even though I had a bag of popcorn and two cookies, I am not discouraged.

    I should also mention that while I did eat those things, I did not have my three meal replacements. I only had two, foregoing the last one to offset the calories from the cheating (more from the cookies than from the popcorn).

    One might think that with all of the tubs of smaller-sized clothes that I have that I would not have to buy new for a long time. While that might be true, I do get excited that I am losing weight, and therefore will look better in cool and fashionable clothes. As such, this morning I ordered three new golf shirts that will be delivered to Leslie’s place in time for my next visit in a couple of weeks. There is a story behind the shirts.

    A year and a half ago my Rabbi and friend gifted me the absolute wildest golf shirt I have ever seen. I loved the psychedelic colours that were reminiscent of how the movies portrayed an LSD trance from the 1960s. It remains to this day one of my favourite shirts, and every time I wear it, someone comments on it… either one of my students, or a cashier, or just someone in the street or store. He told me the story of how he came across the company, but I regret I do not remember the details. Suffice it to say, I loved not only the design, but the quality and feel. I also appreciated that when I was at my fattest, it still fit.

    The company has dozens of funky golf shirts, and when I decided to buy new, I went to their website. I picked out a couple of patterns. After checking with Leslie (I do not need her approval, but I like to wear things that she appreciates) I was ready to order two shirts. I went to check out, and they were charging $10 shipping. Of course, there was also a banner on the front page of the site that said they shipped free on orders over $125. Even before the coupon code that Leslie dug up (thanks babe!) I would have been under that, but with the coupon I was saving enough money that I was prepared to buy a third shirt, and free shipping was now applied to my order.

    I can hardly wait to get them… It is exciting that I am dipping below the threshold from which I refused to buy new clothes into the zone where I know that clothes that I buy will now fit me for a few months. Of course, I did buy the custom-tailored clothes a few months ago, and if I am going to continue to wear those, I will have to find a tailor to adjust the sizes. I will look into that this week, so that I can take some of them to Dallas with me in a couple of weeks.

    I had popcorn again today. I am not going to have the cookies that I had yesterday. I am going to try to be good the rest of the day. I am also relieved that this was the last of my microwave popcorn, and so unless I go shopping and choose to buy more popcorn, I am done with that. I do have most of a box of Bear Paw cookies in the cupboard, but those have seldom been a real temptation for me.

    After seven straight days of pushing myself, I am going to take a break from fitness walking today. It is not because there is an 80% chance of rain between 5-7pm, it is because I pushed myself to go further, harder, and more than I thought that I could, and I want to give my legs (and especially my feet) a day to recover.

    A few years ago, my Master and friend told me that it is good to diet, but every so often I should cheat so that I could stay true to my diet. I thought this was a lousy idea, partially because back then I had not tried to change my habits, I was only tried to stop eating so that I could lose weight. A few days ago, Leslie suggested that from time to time it is okay to reward myself with a cheat meal, as long as you do it in moderation, and using common sense. For example, sushi might be a good cheat meal; deep-fried battered and breaded Buffalo wings is not. By using the same logic, eating the popcorn yesterday (and today) is not the end of the world. If I were to make it a habit that I was going to eat popcorn (and cookies) every day, that would be the end of my weight loss program.

    What I am getting at with that is that I should not – and will not – beat myself up over minor cheats. There are myriad foods that are not on my program that I can eat occasionally and sparingly. I just do not want to get into the habit, or do it too often. Once per week is fine, more is pushing it.

    This evening I will not be going for a walk, but that does not mean I should alter my routine. At 5:30 I will finish teaching, and I will make my meal replacement. When that is finished, I will take Princess Sophie for her walk. I have some calls to make after that, and will then sit on the balcony and talk with my wife until it is time for my last meal replacement… and bed. I am planning it out because if I don’t, it would be so easy to fall from grace, as it were.

    Have a great day folks!