Losing a part of me

Category: Progress

  • Day 433

    A good buddy of mine has lost a great deal of weight in the past year, and posted a picture of himself online showing how his old belt no longer fits. I am so happy for him, and many of us commented positive feedback. He replied to me privately that he knows that I do not like to share my progress publicly, but that he and his wife are also extremely proud of me. It is ironic that people feel that I am not public about my weight loss… I post an article about my progress and successes (and struggles and failures) every single day). I just do not want to share it to my public Facebook feed, where I am going to be bombarded by questions about how I did it… and suggestions on what I should be doing. The questions about how do not bother me, but geez folks, do you really think that telling a man who has lost the equivalent of a whole person’s weight what he should be doing to lose weight? Those comments just piss me off, are the reason I do not post my progress.

    My day went well. Firstly, the car ended up taking half an hour and cost me $40. My transmission is fine, but there was a garbage bag melted onto the bottom of my car, which accounted for the burning smell. While we still have no idea what caused the gearshift issue Sunday, we suspect it was likely a freak anomaly of some sort. When I take my car back in to have the tyres changed mid-April, I will have them flush the transmission fuel, but in the meantime, he suggested I keep driving as I would without worrying. All of this was a tremendous relief… I suspected the issue might end up cost me thousands of dollars!

    From there, I went to the gym… following a text conversation with an old Army buddy. It is always great to catch up with old friends. Hopefully we will have more time to talk soon. While I would have liked to do more, as I was walking into the gym, I got a call asking me for a meeting at 4:00pm. Okay, then I kept it short, taking the opportunity to calibrate my new fitness watch. As it happened, I could have spent another 90 minutes on the treadmill because the 4:00pm appointment was pushed to 5:30pm… and even with that, he was 20 minutes late, which meant that I had seven minutes to talk to the guy before I had to go teach my class. All in all, that is probably not the way to impress them… but then again, they have now four times proven to me that they have no respect for my time, so I don’t know that I’m that disappointed.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 7.4km (11km)
    • Duration: 53:41 (1:27:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m16s (7m57s)
    • Steps: 8,165 (13,750)
    • Calories burned: 1,000 (1,400)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 152 (155)

    My class went well, and then I got a text that was so tempting that I could not resist doing something completely spontaneous. More details on that next week! Yes, I know… that absolutely negates the point of spontaneity… live with your disappointment for the sake of discretion. I have to make some changes to a few things, but next week there will be some excitement!

    Okay, so I have decided to set a new timed short-term goal. I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning. I am four pounds from achieving it, and I have four days to do it. I am going to jog every day, in addition to returning to Taekwondo (Tuesday and Thursday evenings, starting tonight). I am going to stick strictly to my full-fast program, and I am going to do it!

    Next week is the start of Passover, and I have already bought my matzoh (which will be very well-traveled by the time I crack the box open). I will be celebrating the holiday of course and observing it to the best of my ability. It is one of my favourite holidays… and not just for the food! The LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, and he did bring plagues onto those who did enslave them. It sounds to me like a good story for a good Israeli soldier. With that said, I am going to prepare a traditional charoset for some of my people to try. I have never made it before, but as I have gotten a bit more comfortable in the kitchen (and with all of the people who would previously have prepared some of my favourite Jewish dishes gone from this mortal coil) I figure I should give it a try… if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can do it! Oh, and there is the minor coincidence that it is (and always has been) one of my most beloved treats that you only get for two days out of the year!

    Once I finish this journal entry, I have a few tasks to do, and then I will go to the gym. In the afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, followed by my haircut. The company I interviewed with today asked me my availability for the rest of the week so that might change… but knowing how they have scheduled and rescheduled and delayed the last two interviews I strongly suspect that my plans for the day will not be interrupted. We shall see though, right? One never knows. In the evening, my diet buddy is coming by around 5:30pm, and we will share our first meal replacement together ever. It will be too late for coffee (unless I don’t want to get any sleep), so a chocolate shake will be the order of the day. I was told today in no uncertain terms that I had better get my rest in preparation for the spontaneity. Late-night coffee is not in the cards this week! Of course, after that I will go to my first Taekwondo class since the summer… it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to jogging in the morning and then doing martial arts in the evening… and at a lower weight than I have been in over twenty years!

    Leslie mentioned today that she missed our Saturday morning cigars and latté dates. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… we are going to coordinate so that we each pick up our lattés from our local Starbucks and we can make it work… even if it is in the Rectangle Zone. I am literally counting down the days until we can be together again, and the number is always too high. I really miss her and hate that we have to be apart. Hopefully, the next time we are together I will be at my lowest weight ever… I really love that every time she sees me, I am so much lighter than the previous time. I want to keep succeeding for her… and of course for myself.

    My morning got away from me. I had a lot of small issues to take care of, but a couple of them took much longer than expected. I am almost ready to go, but I do not know that I will be able to go to the gym… at least, not for as long as I would have liked. I have packed everything that I need for the gym (as well as my Taekwondo kit) to take to the car, and I will head out. I should remember to take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment). As long as I keep my eye on the clock, I should be okay, but I should head out now.

    What are my plans for the day? Stay focused, stay mindful, stay on track. There is no way that I will get onto the plane Saturday morning at my best weight ever if I veer even a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 428

    I was prepared from the moment I opened my eyes to open today’s journal entry with words like: ‘The scale giveth, the scale taketh away.’ After a huge drop yesterday, I was certain that I would be giving some of it back this morning. I did have a good bowel movement, and I was hoping that the increase would not be too bad. I knew that if I was back above the 260 lbs. mark I would be upset. In fact, my weight dropped again! It was not a significant drop – only .2 lb. – but down is better than up.

    After coming in with Her Floofness I made my coffee and morning shake, and then was prepared to sit down at my desk and to enter my morning weight into the comparative chart from 2020… and then I realized that I do not need to do that anymore! I have surpassed that goal, and that spreadsheet is no longer relevant. I might maintain it for the next few weeks just to see how much better I do… I might even expand it to using it for the long term to see how while in 2020 I lost ground, this time I am going all the way to the top. It is probably because it is another numbers thing that I can use – I am comforted by numbers – but the truth is that whether I continue with that spreadsheet or not, I have beaten it.

    My next short-term goal is absolutely unbelievable… as so many of them have been. My previous two milestones were comparing my weight loss to that of three and six years ago… both reasonably recent, since my second divorce. I had kids, a career, all of that. My next milestone is a lot harder to conceive. I am now less than four pounds from achieving my best ever weight. When I drop below 255 lbs., I will weigh less than I did at any point in the millennium. When I last achieved that weight, I was married to my first wife, although it was the last week of our marriage. Facebook existed, but it was still only available to high school and university students. While I had passed two Microsoft certification exams, I would not earn my first senior certification until later in the year (the end of May), and it would be another year and a half before I would achieve the Microsoft Certified Trainer credential that has been the lifeblood of so much of my success. Paul Martin was Prime Minister of Canada, and George W. Bush had been sworn in for his second term the previous month. If it is not this month (today is March 23rd) then it will be very early in April when I will surpass this weight goal.

    …and then what? I am going to have to figure out another way to mark my accomplishments. I have written so often of the importance of short-term goals for weight loss success, but until now I have always had these comparisons to myself to beat. Will I simply revert to striving for decades? The 250 and 240 marks and so on are great. I am going to have to give this all some thought.

    My first next goal should be my Size-36 pants. I have seven pair of them that still do not fit, and I would like to be able to wear them comfortably. I am not going to even entertain the notion of Size-34 yet, as that is not a realistic short-term goal. I do not own a pair of them. However, it’s look at what I can realistically achieve in the next thirty days:

    • Best-Weight-Ever (255 lbs.)
    • 250 lbs. Milestone
    • Size-36 pants (all of them)
    • Jog 15km
    • 240 lbs. Milestone

    I have shortened the definition of short-term goals for this list only. Usually I have it at 45-days. On February 27 (Day 404) I set out six goals, three of which I have accomplished. Of the remaining three, two are on this list… but the third one – drop out of the Obese Class I classification into the Overweight category is still most likely outside the 30-day boundary. I will get there, and I will likely do it before the end of May (I am approximately 28 lbs. away), but to expect that kind of weight loss in thirty days is simply unrealistic.

    I did go to the gym yesterday, and I found a treadmill that seems to be more cooperative than the other ones. That is to say, it did not arbitrarily end my workout because I refuse to hold on to the sensors. My Garmin Connect app is telling me that I set a new personal record with the fasted 5k I have run yet. I strongly suspect that if I were to take the time to properly calibrate the watch to the treadmill that a lot of my paces would be wrong, this one included. I will try to remember to do that today… or at least, I will do it the next time I go to the gym, which will be today or tomorrow.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 6.02 km (10.1 km)
    • Duration: 33:05 (1:22:34)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m29s (8m11s)
    • Steps: 5,065 (12,795)
    • Calories burned: 720 (1,243)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    I did wake up this morning with some achiness in my knee, but that is completely gone now. I rubbed some Voltaren into it, but I suspect the pain was just my normal ‘I’ve been lying down too long and my knee hurts because of it’ issues. I will make a mental note to remember if it continues throughout the next few days. For the moment, I will continue to try to jog… and if it starts to hurt, I will listen to my body and slow down or take breaks or stop… whatever I have to do.

    I am off to the dentist now, and I have a meeting as soon as I am back. Hopefully I will be able to get some studying in, as well as a jog. It would be nice to run outside, so if the rain is not too bad then I will. Otherwise, I will go to the gym, with the ever-luxuriant post-run sauna. We’ll see.

    Once again, my plan is to stay on track. Last night some of my students were discussing McDonald’s and I was tempted to go out and have a meal… or to just defrost the steak that I have in my freezer to enjoy today. I am not going to give in to these urges and temptations just yet… but once I am below the 250 lbs. point, I might consider introducing the occasional meal. We’ll see… but not today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 426

    I have mentioned before that one of my fitness tracking apps (Garmin Connect) awards badges for many different accomplishments, including your first activity of any distance. I was scrolling through my collection of badges yesterday and came across the 10K Run badge, which I assumed would have been earned last week. Not so… it seems that I earned it in August of 2012. I had almost forgotten that for a few weeks in that month I had a Garmin watch, and that I used it a few times before losing it (I believe it was left behind in a hotel room in Miami, although the hotel denied it at the time). Looking back at that activity I cannot help but assume that this was not a jog at all, rather a walk… but that I had not properly configured the watch. Knowing what my average pace is today for both walking and jogging, it is impossible to imagine that I was jogging at a pace of 10m54s per kilometre… even at whatever my weight would have been around then (looking at my records I see that it was between 300-310 lbs.). My average walking pace now is under 10m per kilometre, and for jogging that drops to between 7m30s and 8m15s, depending on whether I am on the streets or on a treadmill. I see that the device was a Garmin Forerunner 410 (an early predecessor to my new Forerunner 255). Looking at the image of it, I do not recognize it. Of course, that was a different life; I was a month past my fortieth birthday and had no idea how many failures I would encounter before finally finding success with my weight loss journey. Is this the ultimate success, where I will actually be slim forever? I hope so. I do find it amusing that according to the same app, I only earned the 5K Run badge last month.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 8 km (5 km)
    • Duration: 45:43 (41:43)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m42s (7m29s)
    • Steps: 6,390 (6,350)
    • Calories burned: 636 (551)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (157)

    Yesterday I did end up at the gym and got extremely frustrated with the treadmills. If you do not keep your hands on the sensors, they stop after a few minutes. That is extremely frustrating as I enjoy moving my arms as I would exactly if I were running on the streets or on a trail. Hopefully today and the rest of this week I will be able to jog outside, although the forecast from Wednesday through Saturday is for rain and snow. Hopefully during the day, I will be able to get it done.

    While it was a little chilly and windy for my liking, I still decided to sit on the balcony with a cigar in the afternoon. After my jog I did take my hydro massage, followed by a quick shower, then fifteen minutes in the sauna, and then another more thorough shower. I stepped onto the scale at the gym (which I do not consider authoritative) and was thrilled to see that I weigh much less than the last time I stepped onto the same scale – by about forty pounds. I have not been taking full advantage of my gym membership, but that does not mean that I have not been exercising and working out. I have certainly lost a good amount of weight since my last visit there, and I only wish that my personal trainer had been there to see the difference from the last time she saw me!

    I do not think my mood was so bad yesterday. Today might be a better indicator, although I am also hoping that my increased exercising will give me endorphins that will help to counterbalance the crabbiness that might come with the first days of the full fast. I will try to get out again today, but if things hold up then I will be running outside rather than at the gym. The forecast is for a mostly sunny day with high temperatures around 8°, which would be perfect weather for a jog as long as I remember to suit up in warm layers. The shorts and t-shirt that I was able to get away with in Dallas would be less than ideal. Fortunately, Leslie and I picked out a couple of pair of sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirts at the outlet mall; combined with a jacket (and gloves should they be necessary) and I will be perfectly prepared for the great outdoors.

    I got a message from the clinic in Toronto last night that their shipment of my meal replacements is only arriving today, so my drive into town will be delayed by twenty-four hours. As I have plenty of product left, that will not be an inconvenience at all… especially since my cleaning lady is coming today, so if I was going to drive into Toronto, I would have to be back in time for that, which would greatly impact the window I have open to jog outside in the good weather. Tomorrow the weather will be slightly cooler and cloudy, but that does not mean that I will not be able to jog outside… only that I will have to plan my jog smarter. The forecast for Thursday is warmer but wet… I do not really mind jogging when it is warm and drizzling, but unless the temperature prediction is off by fifteen degrees, Thursday I will be back on the treadmill.

    It felt amazing last week when I put on one of my casual dress shirts that had not fit just a few months ago, only to realize that it was too big to wear. That shirt, along with another from the same era, went into the ‘donate to charity’ bag at Leslie’s. What I was not thinking about at the time was that I am now down to only two long-sleeve shirts in that category. I am not planning on buying more… we are only a few short weeks away from my being able to switch to golf shirts for the season, and for the days that I teach I will be wearing dress shirts anyways. When I got back to Canada, I optimistically tried on some of my Size-36 pants, but they are still a few pounds away from fitting. That is frustrating not so much because I am overeager, but because my Size-38 pants (especially the jeans) are now quite loose on me. There is no in-between!

    When I spoke with my wife last night, I told her that I was thrilled with my weight drop from the previous day, but I knew that it was a travel day, and that I expected I was going to give back a bit of it this morning. Far from it! According to the bathroom scale, this morning I dropped another two pounds. That puts me a full 6.4 lbs. ahead of my 2020 pace. Looking at the chart from 2020, I see that I drop nearly two pounds over the next two days before gaining back nearly three pounds. I also see that on that chart I vacillate over the next 2.5 weeks between a low of 266.6 and a high of 271.6, which I would hit for the last time seventeen days from now. In 2023 I am hoping that in six or seven days I am down three more pounds, which will push me below my best weight from 2020… which would have me beating my 2020 pace by a full seventeen days. Unlike in 2020, I do not plan to stop there. I plan to keep losing weight until my Army uniform fits perfectly… and probably beyond that.

    As I have mentioned before, I do not know how much weight I want to lose because it has been so long since I was slim… and when I was, I was a lot more muscular than I expect I will be now. Until I modified it a couple of days ago, I had one app on my phone configured to a goal of 210 lbs. I changed that to 195 lbs., for no good reason that I can think of. I do not know at what point I will have the body that I want. I do know that I do not want to be forever obsessed with my body and weight loss. Just yesterday, Leslie pointed out to me how front-of-mind it is for me, and she is right. It is not enough that I write about it daily (and at great length), but I also talk about it a lot. I have to stop doing that. While it is fine that I still want to lose the rest of the excess weight, but I have to stop being obsessed with it. Focus is good, mindful is great; obsession to the point of mania is probably not a good thing. I will start to pay closer attention to that and remember that the fact that I am doing so well does not mean that I should be so single-minded about it. One of my better qualities (I have always thought) was my eclectic nature, and ability to discuss myriad topics. I would not be surprised if someone listening in on any conversation I had when I was in Dallas would have heard ‘bla bla Cigars bla bla Jogging bla bla Weight Loss.’ It is time to go back to being ME. I will continue taking time out of my morning to write in my journal, and I will continue to jog and exercise, and I will continue to stick to my program… but I will try to get back to being a more well-rounded and less boring and repetitive me.

    While it is still cold (2°) now, it looks to be warming up by several degrees over the next hour, so I will plan to head out around 10:30am. I just mapped out a route that looks to be just under 11 kms which suits me fine, although I would like to try to complete a fifteen-kilometre jog by the end of this month. I know that my pace will not come close to what I am able to achieve on the treadmill and that is okay by me. If I can average under 8.5 minutes per kilometre then I will be a very happy man. I only wish the provincial parks did not charge such high fees, or I would drive out to either Bronte Creek or Rattlesnake Point for a more nature-inspired jog. Perhaps once the weather is a bit warmer, I will start doing that, but for now I think I will stick to the roads.

    I stuck to the program yesterday; I plan to stick to the program today. I am loving my progress, and I do not want to falter. Focus and mindfulness will get me through to my ultimate success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 425

    As she drove me to the airport yesterday morning, Leslie expressed her regret that we had gone out for a splurge dinner the previous evening, thus erasing all progress that I made on my weight loss journey while in Dallas. I told her the following:

    a) There was no reason to regret it; we had a wonderful evening (despite whatever effects the meal would take on our stomachs before the night’s end).

    b) It is my experience that the weight-gain effects of a single cheat meal that causes such an overnight weight gain will usually be very temporary, and it was possible or even likely that most or all of the gain would be lost again over the next day or two.

    c) Even with that cheat, I was still down a full pound from the day that I flew into Dallas.

    I had a very good bowel movement after I unpacked my suitcase, which was a relief for two reasons. I had worried since the previous evening that the unrest in my stomach would eventually lead to a more unpleasant experience on the porcelain throne. That was followed this morning by another one, which gave me hope that I was right, and that the weight gained Saturday night into Sunday would start to drop off this morning… despite the fact that I had a can of Pringles and a bag of almonds on the airplane. No, it was not the large can… it was the individual size, which is a huge improvement over what I likely would have done just a few short months ago. When I got back to the apartment, I thought briefly about resuming my full-fast program this morning, but then thought better of it; the only calories I consumed last night were two meal replacement shakes, which was exactly the right thing to do… especially if I was hoping to resume losing weight as of this morning.

    I had a bit of a technical issue with my bathroom scale and the app this morning. Before getting dressed I weighed myself (as is my habit). I was thrilled to see that not only was my weight down, but it was significantly down. I mean, it was slightly lower than my previous best from Saturday morning! Woohoo! I got dressed, I took Her Floofness for a walk (the first one we took since I got home). After feeding her, I made coffee and prepared my shake. Sitting down at my computer, I realized I had not worked on this system since before Patch Tuesday, and so it was going to reboot for me. I decided to fiddle around with the app on my phone; after nearly three years of using it, I noticed a couple of features on it this weekend that I wanted to try. The unfortunate result was that I accidentally wiped out this morning’s weigh-in. Damn. Well, I had only had one sip of my coffee, so it was not too late to weigh myself again. I got undressed and did just that, nervously hoping that I had not imagined it, or that I had somehow gained two pounds in thirty minutes.

    265.0 lbs.

    Wow. Not only had I not imagined it, but somehow along the way, in fewer than 1000 steps with Princess Sophie, my weight had dropped another .4 lb., putting me at the threshold, and achieving a new milestone. I have now lost one hundred and thirty pounds. My Body Mass Index (BMI) dropped to an even 34.0. According to the scale and app (which granted might not be the most accurate to measure these), my body fat percentage is now 30.3% (down from a high of over 40%) and my Basal Metabolic Rate is 2,076 (down from a high of nearly 3,000). As a much shorter-term win, that puts me 3.8 lbs. lower than I was the morning I flew to Dallas, besting my previously stated (albeit pessimistic) goal of gaining 2 lbs. by nearly six pounds! I am thrilled, and I know Leslie will be too.

    While the forecast high today gets up to 5°, it is also predicted to be quite windy. As such, I think it will be a perfect opportunity for me to go to the gym. An hour on the treadmill followed by fifteen minutes in the sauna sounds like a good way to spend a couple of hours. I am teaching this evening so I might spend a few minutes reviewing my material. Tomorrow I am hoping to drive into Toronto to pick up meal replacements… I got a notification that the clinic where I buy them is closed for the next month, but the nurse told me that she would meet me before she actually goes on vacation to make sure I have the proper supplies. Otherwise, I would not need to go into town for another week and a half. Oh well, whether I go tomorrow or next week is not really a big difference. I just hope that I can get either the gym or an outdoor jog in tomorrow – my cleaning lady (who has not been since mid-February) is coming in the afternoon, so I have to plan things properly.

    I am happy that I am getting back into that mindset of trying to make sure I can get my run or walk or whatever exercise into my schedule on a mostly regular basis. Previously it was one of those things that I would do, but it was not something I necessarily planned and was eager for. Now, especially since I am back into the mode of competing with myself, I feel the excitement of getting back at it as often as I can. When I head to the gym today, I will be doing my inaugural workout with my new fitness watch, a present from my lovely and doting wife. It arrived Friday afternoon after I was back from my workout, and I did not get out over the weekend. I am looking forward to seeing how it fares. My initial disappointment in realizing that it is not a touch screen has been turned around, remembering the issues I so often had with the touch screen on my previous fitness watch, especially in wet weather or when my hands were sweaty. It will take some getting used to with the buttons, but as I mentioned to Leslie yesterday (or Saturday?) I was still not entirely used to the functions on the previous watch. I will pay closer attention on this one, and hopefully I will not be saying the same thing in 3.5 years.

    Princess Sophie decided to go to the neighbour’s today to spend the day playing with her pal Charlie, so it is relatively quiet here for now. I suppose it is as good a time as any to get ready and go to the gym. I have a few emails I need to respond to first, but hopefully by 11:00am I can head out.

    My plan for the day is to stay mindful and to stay on track. Today is my first day back on the full-fast program, and as Leslie reminded me yesterday, there is the possibility that might put me into a bit of a mood. If I am, I will do my best to make sure that I do not show it or take it out on anyone. I do not know if the endorphins from working out might counterbalance that, but I will try to pay attention and see if I notice a difference. Leslie told me yesterday that she did not notice a huge difference the last time I came back to Canada and resumed the full fast, but that I had told her I felt it. Wouldn’t it be great if I do not feel it at all this time? If I can get through the day on meal replacements (and coffee) only, and not feel any negative effects… that would be great! Of course, I am teaching this evening, so if I need the extra caffeine to get through that, I will not hesitate. I do not want anyone to feel the negative effects of my mood, but if it affects my work then that is especially bad.

    Today is the 14-month anniversary of my weight loss journey, so how perfect that I can celebrate it by hitting a new best-weight-yet, a couple of new milestone (at the 265 threshold, plus the 130-pounds-lost mark), and a new fitness watch to inaugurate with a great workout… possibly even a new record for distance? Time? Pace? Who knows? As always, I will follow the advice of my doctor… I will listen to my body and let pain guide me. If I feel the need to stop, I will. Otherwise, who knows how far I might jog? Smile

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 421

    Yesterday was a day off from exercising. I had a relaxing morning at home, and after Leslie and I had lunch I headed to the cigar lounge where shortly after lighting my cigar, I got a wonderful surprise. My son the elder, with whom I have not spoken in several months, reached out and we had a thirty-minute video call. It was wonderful to see his face and catch up with him about so many things. The odd thing is that while we discussed so many things about our lives (including my recent diagnosis of ADHD, and the progress I have made on the medications), one of the most important, relevant, and front-and-centre topics of my life did not come up. I did not say to him that since he last saw me (probably in October) I have lost fifty pounds, or that my total weight loss is 128 lbs.… and I don’t know why. I was going to send him the before and after picture which I posted just yesterday, but I think I’ll just let him see for himself. He told me that at some point in the near future he will try to make time for us to sit together to share a dram and a cigar. It is amazing to realize that the little boy that I met when he was nine years old and adopted shortly thereafter is turning twenty-five on Sunday. How time flies! The grains of sand in the hourglass flow one way only, and they flow at their steady pace no matter our attempts to retard them.

    The response I received to that before and after picture is amazing. Hundreds of people liked and commented on it on the two Facebook support groups that I am in, and it drove over eighty hits on my weight loss blog. To put that in perspective, the previous week had sixty hits… not per day, rather a total of sixty hits! When my professional blog was in its prime, and I was posting on a regular basis, there was a day when I was sitting in a conference room in Phoenix, Arizona when I got a notification that my blog stats were blowing up. It had been given an award that had been published in a magazine, but the magazine had forgotten to notify me about it. This was the same level of ‘blow-up.’ My professional blog went from 200-250 hits on an average day to over a thousand hits on that day in Phoenix. The difference is that with my weight loss blog, today the stats will go back to normal… which is okay, I don’t mind! I reach certain people daily, some people occasionally, and others once or once in a while. I write for me, to keep myself accountable to myself.

    From the cigar lounge I went to Whole Foods because they were having a special on sockeye salmon marinated in a mango glaze which both Leslie and I thought sounded very tasty. I also picked up a head of cauliflower, which I prepared before my class started. I cut a quarter of it up, drizzled some olive oil on it, then Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning (a favourite of Leslie’s and mine), and a little bit of shredded cheese. I put the mixing bowl into the fridge until my class break, at which point I put the fish into one tray of the air fryer, and the cauliflower into the other. With ten minutes left in class (and while my students were all completing their in-class assignments) I turned both sides of the machine on so that as soon as class was over we could eat. This fish was much tastier than my recent attempt at ahi tuna, and the cauliflower was tasty as well… although I suspect most of the cheese melted to the bottom of the pan and ended up not getting to our plates. Still and all, it was very tasty!

    Unlike the previous evening, I opted to stick with my non-alcoholic iced tea to accompany my cigars, and it paired better with the second cigar than the first. I did not make this decision because I had not exercised, I just did not feel I needed the alcohol. Once again, Leslie and I spent a very lovely evening on the balcony enjoying each other’s company. We both know that until I get my visa, these nights together are precious and too few to waste. We both hope that it will not be too much longer to wait.

    I mentioned to Leslie yesterday that I expected, after yesterday’s tremendous drop, the bathroom scale would likely take a couple of ounces back this morning. It did not. In fact, it gave me another drop, and I am again in best-weight-yet territory. I am now under 7 lbs. from beating my best weight from 2020, and if I continue to lose at an average of .4 lb. per day, I will achieve that by April 2… a full ten days ahead of the time it took me nearly three years ago. This morning the comparative pace to that time was 6 lbs. better now. I do not plan to slow down.

    Speaking of weight loss (this is, after all, a journal primarily about losing weight, right?), I am thrilled that after the initial ‘shock’ from travel and from the first-night cheat meal I have recovered all of the weight that I had gained, and I weigh 2.5 lbs. less than I did on the morning I flew to Dallas. While my stated goal was to gain no more than two pounds during my trip, I also knew that on my last trip I had lost over three pounds. I was hoping to repeat that trend, even though I knew I would be eating (comparatively) indulgently during the trip. At this rate, even if my weight stays the same from now until Sunday, I will have bested my stated goal, and actually lost weight again. Leslie told me that she is relieved that being with her does not cause me to gain weight. I am too, especially knowing that I have had partners in the past who were less than encouraging with my weight loss efforts. When I told her yesterday that I was expecting a weight gain this morning she told me that she just hoped that it was not significant, and that I stayed below the 270 lbs. mark, which she knows for me is a psychological trigger. The difference between gaining one pound and going from 268 to 269 does not have nearly the same psychological impact that would gaining .2 lb. and going from 269.8 to 270. At the rate I am going, it is not impossible that I might actually drop to 265 by the time I leave… but that would be a lot to hope for.

    It is a rainy and blustery day in Dallas, not at all conducive to jogging outside. As such I am going to make my first trip to the gym in the apartment complex. I do not know all of the equipment that they have, but Leslie tells me that it is all nice and modern. I will decide when I am there what I will do, but my first attempt at a ten-kilometre jog will likely have to wait another day or two. I can run on a treadmill, but I do not know if I would jog that long on it. We’ll see. In the afternoon we are going to do some work on a system that we both want to learn a bit more about, and which I will probably write a blog article about for my professional blog before we are done. I know we both love that we are in the same profession and can talk shop, but the fact that we can occasionally work together to figure something out that will benefit both of us… that’s really cool to me!

    We will be going out for dinner. I do not know where yet, but we will pick something that will suit both our tastebuds as well as my dietary needs. Tuesday evening we were planning to go for Indian food, until we realized that the restaurant she had in mind likely did not have anything suitable for my dietary needs. Everything that she would have recommended to me would have had meats prepared with dairy, which is a no-no for my religious beliefs. She told me this restaurant did not have a great vegetarian selection, and that the dishes that would have been suitable would likely have been too spicy for me. If that sounds strange for a man who enjoys spicy foods (and who used to win hot-pepper-eating contests in the Army against Moroccan and Yemeni soldiers), I answer that Indian food has always been my nemesis. I was essentially force-fed spicy chicken curry by my mother as a very young boy and hated it from the beginning. As an adult I went to India but came home with dysentery. All this to say that if Leslie is going to re-introduce me to Indian food so that I will enjoy it, we should do it carefully. I love her for understanding me!

    Mindfulness is the order of the day… and exercise. I am heading out now and will do my best to get in a good workout, and then after my shower I will pick up salads for lunch. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 420

    The day I landed in Dallas I told Leslie I wanted to do another before and after picture. It is great to see the numbers on the scale drop; it is amazing to fit into smaller (and more stylish) clothing; it is spectacular to see what I can do when I work out. With all that said, there is nothing so incredible as to see the sheer transformation of my body, side by side, from when I started until now. We took a few moments this morning to recreate that photo. Unlike the last time we did it, I decided to leave out the interim pictures. One next to the other is all I need to see the results of my hard work!

    420 Days_use

    To look at this image is to look at two different people. I do not remember the exact moment, but I am certain that when my friend took my picture on Day 0 he told me to smile. This morning as Leslie snapped my picture I know she did. Just look at the difference in the smile! I suppose it is the difference between someone embarking on a challenge, and someone who is well into the challenge and who has seen tremendous results. I still have a ways to go… but there is no denying that I deserve that smile this morning!

    I absolutely killed it yesterday on my jog! I remember setting out shortly after I wrote my article in which I said that I am hoping to do a combined walk/jog of ten kilometres before I left Dallas, but I did not think it would be yesterday. Even more exciting is the fact that I jogged 8.2km… without stopping! I absolutely smashed my previous bests for distance and duration. I decided on 8.2km because that is slightly over five miles. Of course, I did not set out expecting to come close to that… but at each kilometre I evaluated my legs (especially my right knee) and my lungs. It was not until I hit the fifth kilometre that I thought I might be able to do it, and I still reevaluated every kilometre. In truth I probably could have jogged the full 10km and am really not sure why I pulled up. Tomorrow is another day, and I guess I wanted to leave myself another attainable goal for the rest of the week.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 8.22km (5 km)
    • pb Duration: 1:06:03 (39:40)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m01s (7m55s)
    • pb Steps: 10,170 (6,200)
    • pb Calories burned: 866
    • Elevation gain: 35.6m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (157)

    Walking

    • Distance: 2 km
    • Duration: 21:37
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m48s
    • Steps: 2,460
    • Calories burned: 194
    • Elevation gain: 6.4m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 114

    The weather was perfect for it too. It was sunny, but not too sunny. It was cool, but not cold. It was a little breezy but not windy. In short, the conditions for a strong showing were all there, as long as my knee and my lungs held up. I finally followed my doctor’s advice and rubbed some Voltaren on my knee before setting out, and I was off to the races.

    According to the stats in the app that I use to track my workouts, this was my fastest five-mile run… which makes sense because I do not think that I have jogged five miles since I started using it. My fastest five-kilometre was Friday, but I will try to pick up the pace over the next few days to see if I can beat it. It does not really matter though… I am not trying to race; I am trying to get out and get into shape. I want to burn calories, not win prizes.

    I was thrilled when I stepped onto the scale when I came in yesterday though… while I won’t count it because it was not first thing in the morning, I still registered my lowest weight yet! I hoped that if I could maintain just some of that weight loss into this morning then I would be happy. I was not expecting what I saw when I stepped onto the scale this morning and saw that I had absolutely killed it! Not only did I lose the couple of pounds I had gained from when I got to Dallas, and not only did I get back under the 270 lbs. mark, but with a full 3.6 lbs. loss from yesterday, I am more than a full pound into best weight yet territory! I ran out of the bathroom to show Leslie the numbers (which register on my phone as well… it would have looked silly had I picked up the bathroom scale to bring it to her). She was as amazed as I was. Wowee!!

    It is not only jogging that contributed to this morning’s loss. I have been eating but doing it smartly. Yes, I had a half-chicken at the restaurant yesterday, but I was working on 450 calories on the day, having burned over 1,000 calories exercising. I took a few pieces of Leslie’s fried casavas (which were really tasty!) but I counted them, and when I reached my limit I told her I am done… and never reached for another one. I even made myself a cocktail last night (gin and bitter) which was lovely, but I did not go overboard… I had one ounce of gin with four ounces of Schweppes Bitter Lemon. All in all, I think I had a great day.

    Leslie and I were speaking last night about the 12-step program that my therapist recommended I look into for overeaters. It has been six weeks since we discussed it, and I had told her I was going to table the idea until this week. At the time, I did not realize that I would be in Dallas this week, so when we met last week, I told her I was delaying until I got home. Over these last few days, Leslie has now seen me shut down on eating things that were available twice… last night with the fried casavas, and Saturday evening with the nacho chips and salsa. She asked me if I still felt that I needed the program. I told her that I do not know. It is easy to be good when she is watching because I want her to see me succeed. The next real test will be how I do the next time I am faced with that sort of temptation and she is not there… likely the next time Gilad and I go to that same restaurant where I faltered in February. I am not sure that I like the idea of a 12-step program for myself, but if I really cannot control myself then it is something I will strongly consider.

    I just told Leslie a few moments ago that I am not going to jog today. My knee is absolutely fine, but I am feeling some aches in my hips. These are not pains, these are the aches of ‘this part of your body has not worked that hard in a long time, and it is reminding you that it needs to recover.’ I have no problem with taking the day off. I will hit the trails again tomorrow, although based on the forecast I might have to plan around rain. As of now, my safest bet will be to wake up and hit the road early; maybe I will set an alarm for 6:30am and see if I can get out and back before the precipitation starts. If not, I could always go to the indoor gym and jog on the treadmill… but that is my fallback, and only if it is unavoidable.

    It is a beautiful day in Dallas, and I am looking forward to having lunch with my wife (between her meetings). After lunch I will head out to my cigar lounge and will try to get some work done. I want to skim the material I will be teaching this evening, just as a quick reminder to myself. I have taught the class many times before, but it never hurts to refresh. I might also do some studying, but I might just open my book and do some reading. Leslie recommended a book on the anthropology of human sexuality that I started the other day, and I am quite enjoying. While the thought of our parents having a sex life might be repugnant to some, learning about how sexuality evolved with our ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago is quite fascinating.

    My plans for the day are simple. Stay on track and stay mindful, especially with the knowledge that I will not be jogging today. I might take a brisk walk… but we’ll see. Before I return home from the cigar lounge, I will stop in at the supermarket to pick up a nice piece of fish to make for dinner. The tuna I made the other night was not exactly a resounding success, but I do know how to prepare salmon or trout, and that is likely what I will look for. Also, either a broccoli or cauliflower as a side dish would not be completely out of the question.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 414

    Welcome to Dallas! After three restful hours of sleep, I kicked out of bed at 2:05am to get ready so that fifty minutes later I would alight the back seat of an Uber to take me to the airport. It had not occurred to me that March Break is starting, and that the airport would be a madhouse. No matter, I got through – despite much longer lines than usual at every step – and was safely ensconced in a restaurant in Terminal 3 ordering breakfast at 5:05am. This was my first meal of my cheat day, and I ordered a breakfast wrap (which I had to specify no meat) and a cup of coffee. As the only dairy option for the coffee was cream I drank it black; I realized as I drank it that the coffee that I did not like at Starbucks had not been bad, so much as now that I am drinking it without any sugar, and often black, I am just more discriminating. On my way to the gate I did stop at Starbucks where I was able to grab a coffee with oat milk to take onto the airplane; this blend (True North) was much more pleasant than the Pike Place blend that I did not like the other day. It could also be that after the diner coffee it was just that much better in comparison.

    I cheated on the airplane, but I knew well in advance that I would. I bought a bag of salt and vinegar flavoured Pop Chips, as well as a tin of Lays (of the same flavour). I had some of each, but when I had my fill, I threw both of the containers out. I was not sure if I would be doing that but am glad that I did.

    My weight on the bathroom scale was up slightly from yesterday, but that was expected; I usually weigh myself around 8:15am, a full ten or eleven hours after my last meal replacement. At 2:30am I was scarcely five hours past my last shake. Last night I told Leslie that I knew that this morning’s weigh-in would be meaningless. Even so, I still expect tomorrow I will be up a full two pounds from this morning. Today is a real cheat day! Leslie and I are dressing up and going for our sushi indulgence this evening, which is fast becoming a tradition for my first night in town. I will settle down tomorrow and will be much better over the next few days. Yes, I am off the full-fast program, but that does not mean that I plan to let myself go on this trip. I will be having two meal replacements every day, a very reasonable lunch (as I did today with my Thai tofu salad from Salad and Go), and a proper evening meal. I will be planning almost every meal in advance, whether we are cooking at home or eating out. Starting tomorrow I will also be working out every day, whether that be in the gym or out for a jog. My goal for this trip has always been to gain no more than two pounds, and I know that I can do that if I am smart… and ever mindful.

    I am tired today, but that is to be expected. Even after a proper night’s sleep I am always tired from traveling, so with the short sleep and long lines at the airport I would not expect otherwise. Still, I am thrilled to be here. Leslie and I are finally together again, and whatever fatigue I might be experiencing it counterbalanced by the excitement of that. We belong together, and we will make the most of this week.

    Today is the first day in a while that my plan is not to stick to the program, but I am not sorry for it. I have been planning for today and have been so regimented these last few weeks. The key is to not go overboard… and to get back on track tomorrow.

    Leslie was shocked when she put her arms around me today. We were snuggling and she was amazed by how well I have been doing. She saw me a scant five weeks ago and is amazed at the progress since then, to say nothing of how much smaller I feel to her from when I was at my heaviest. While she is not the only reason I am on this journey, she is certainly among the top three reasons. I want to look better for her – she deserves that. She also deserves to have a husband and lover who can… well, do better with less than I could ever do with more. In June I told her that as I lost weight I would be much more into certain activities that I will not discuss here. On my last visit I reminded her of that conversation; she told me she was not sure at the time that she believed me but was pleasantly surprised that I was right. It will just keep getting better babe… I promise!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 410

    I had not expected to set out on a jog yesterday afternoon, but it was sunny and comparatively warm, and I had little else on my schedule. It was not that I decided to try to repeat my best outing from a week ago, I just really wanted to get out. Forgetful soul that I can be, I actually set out twice, having gotten a couple hundred steps up Walker’s Line, only to realize I had left my gloves at home. I might not need them… but I likely would.

    I was not going to push myself too hard. I knew that I had it in me, but I do not want to go too hard too fast. When I passed the 3 km mark I stopped running, having achieved several personal bests.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 6.3 km (3.5 km)
    • Duration: 51:52 (29:02)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 8.14s (8m17s)
    • Steps: 7,900
    • Calories burned: 800
    • Elevation gain: 84m (27m)
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (152)

    Walking

    • Distance: 5.2 km
    • Duration: 54:38
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m34s
    • Steps: 6,273
    • Calories burned: 610
    • Elevation gain: 20m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 115

    I should also point out that these numbers are counting the two jogs together. The first jog shattered my personal bests… 7m44s average pace per kilometre. No matter, I am extremely happy with it. More importantly, all told I was out for nearly two hours and covered 11.5 kilometres. That is a huge win for me. Yes, I was exhausted from it, and in a little bit of pain… but as someone once said, the harder the struggle, the sweeter the victory. I could easily have stayed home and sat on the computer for the afternoon. Instead, I got out there and absolutely killed it on the roads! Yes, I was on the roads for a lot of it… not all of the sidewalks have been plowed yet.

    It means nothing of course, but before I hopped into the shower, I first hopped onto the bathroom scale. I was 1.6 lbs. down from the morning, which would have been much more in line with where I would have hoped I would be when the week began. It had me about half a pound over that 270 lbs. goal for my trip to Dallas on Wednesday. It is this morning’s weigh-in that means something, and my bathroom scale (along with the unstable floors beneath it) were maddeningly frustrating this morning. I stepped onto the scale seven times, getting six different readings. There was only one positive thing I could say about this frustration… all but one of them had me under 270 lbs.! The one exception had me at 270.2, but that was just after getting a reading of 266.4. In the end I accepted the only repeat number, 269.6 lbs. After a maddening week of plateau, I find myself 3.4 lbs. lighter than I was last Sunday. I am back on track… although if the past is any indicator of the future, it is possible and even likely that tomorrow morning my weight will be slightly higher. The frustration is real, but the trend is what matters.

    I should never get on the scale after I weigh myself in the morning. This past week I have done so twice, once weighing 275 lbs. (nearly three pounds more that I had weighed that morning), and once weighing 270.6 lbs. (which was 1.6 lbs. less than I had weighed that morning). As Leslie pointed out recently, when I come in from exercising, I have sweat off a lot of water, so of course the scale will be down. As I have known for most of my adult life, body weight fluctuates throughout the day, and the only way to be sure of an accurate trend is to weigh yourself at the same time every day. I know, yesterday’s post-workout drop turned out to be a preview for what I saw this morning, but it is still not a good idea… it will always be deceptive and can cause a sense of failure.

    I forgot to mention yesterday that I was still losing ground on my comparative chart to 2020. This will continue for a few days because between Day 366 and Day 370 (the corresponding days from yesterday through Thursday) I dropped nearly five pounds… it will be hard to keep up at the rate that I’m going. Of course, if I keep jogging, maybe I will… we’ll see. A week ago, the comparative number had me 6.4 lbs. ahead of the 2020 attempt. Today that number is 3.8 lbs., and unless I drop a pound and a half over the next three days, that number will shrink somewhat. Of course, it is the trend that matters, right? I can see that in 2020 my weight fluctuated a lot on the graph and would not drop below 270 lbs. for the final time until a month later. Even if my weight straddles that line for the next few days, I am on a much better trajectory today than I was 2.5 years ago. Even if I were to gain a couple of ounces tomorrow, and then average a .4 lb. drop per day (less than a 3 lb. drop per week) then I will meet my best weight from 2020 on the 30th of this month… and best it the following day. Whatever day that happens, I will delete that spreadsheet… and I will focus on my next goal: best post-Army weight ever!

    Thinking about it, and there really is no way to know for sure, I am not sure that in this millennium I have weighed less than 255 lbs. I have no recollection of (and probably did not take notice) when my weight first popped above that mark. Aside from my yearly check-ups with the doctor, the first time I weighed myself would have been when I started at Weight Watchers, which would have been in 2003 or 2004. In that time, I know I dropped from somewhere around 295 to (according to an article that I wrote on my blog in 2014) 255 lbs. When I drop below that number it is entirely possible that it will be the first time since Y2K that I am below that. The enormity of that is astounding to me. I have spent nearly a quarter of a century weighing more than I do today. How different would my life be had I not wasted so much time as obese and morbidly obese?

    This morning I weigh 9.2 lbs. more than my best weight from 2020. In that year, between September 3 and October 7 I would register below this morning’s weight 30 days. On October 8 I snuck back above today’s weight for the last time. My goal looking forward is for today’s weight to be the heaviest I will be for the rest of my life… and to be able to say the same about what I will weigh a month from today, and six months from today. I never did like roller coasters, and it is time for me to get off it. This should be my last trip down, and with the knowledge and wisdom that I have gained from so much experience, I hope that I now know what I will need to do to make that a reality.

    Her Floofness and I are heading to Cambridge today to smoke cigars with friends. She likes it there, knows that everyone will dote on her, and might even give her some treats. As for me, I am on the fence between going out for a jog for the next hour or getting back into bed for that hour. I did not sleep very well last night but know that I will be able to make it through the day either way. It would just be nice to not be so tired!

    My goal for today is to smoke my cigars and stay true to the program in the face of myriad temptations that are everywhere at my buddy’s house. I have to look those snacks in the eye (jar, bag, container) and say that my weight loss journey is more satisfying than anything you would do for me. There was a time when I thought of this as a long-term satisfaction, but I now look at it as a short-term goal. Tomorrow morning my weight might be up a couple of ounces, but it would be worse if I succumbed to temptation. I was originally supposed to go yesterday, but my buddy and I decided that today would be a better idea (we were not sure what the roads would look like after the snow). Had I gone yesterday, knowing that I was on that plateau, I might not have been so strong. This morning, with my weight dropping below 270 lbs. for the first time since October 8, 2020, I know my resolve will be much stronger. I will bring a meal replacement shake and my shaker bottle with me… along with a couple of really good cigars to make sure I have the tools that I need to combat the negative desires.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 406

    When I wrote my article yesterday, I was full of crap. I mentioned that I had not had a successful bowel movement since Saturday, and that might have been a contributing factor to my weight gain. When I excused my class for lunch I went for a try. As painful as it was is also how productive it was. Frankly, I was surprised by the output. How is it that I have not eaten any solid foods in nearly three weeks, and yet that much solid waste is coming out of me? I am hoping that it is because the obesity is leaving my body. Seeing that weight gain yesterday morning was bad enough, but the psychology of jumping back into the Obesity Class II category, however briefly, was a hit to my ego.

    After my bowel movement, and then after I had my midday meal replacement, I decided that I have three possible plans for my evening after class, and the more things that I plan, the less likely I would accomplish them all. I decided to run out to the pharmacy to pick up a fibre supplement, and then next door to the supermarket to pick up a quart of I-Can-Absolutely-Believe-It’s-Not-Milk. I did not go to Fortino’s because it is farther away, and I knew that I only had a limited time to get there and back. I pulled into the shopping centre on the corner and went into both stores for a single purchase at each one. In both I found myself in line behind people who were obviously not pressed for time, but I held my peace, waited my turn, and was back in front of my computer precisely one minute before it was time to resume my class. I added a teaspoon of fibre to my early evening meal replacement and starting today (and going forward) I will add a teaspoon to my morning meal replacement shake every day. I do not think I will need more than that, but I certainly know I needed something. After all, there is no reason to suffer pain and discomfort unnecessarily.

    At the end of my class, I got my jogging kit on. Before I set out on my run, I took HRF Princess Sophie for a quick walk. She had been waiting patiently, but in the last twenty minutes of my class she was quite clear about needing to go out. She took care of her business, and then as if she knew, she guided me back into the building. I set her up with a nice treat, and then made my way down.

    • Distance: 3.5 km (7.08km)
    • Duration: 29:02 (1:01:29)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 8m17s (8m41s)
    • Steps: 4,400
    • Calories burned: 451
    • Elevation gain: 27m
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 152

    This was my jog. I did reset my devices to record my progress on the return walk (which was exactly 3km), but those stats are not worth noting. For anyone who might ask, the reason I stopped jogging was not that I was in pain, rather I was stuck at a red light, and there was quite a bit of ice and snow ahead. Looking down at my devices, I was going to pause the trek; seeing that both my devices were at exactly 3.5km, I decided to pull up and walk the rest of the way. It was colder today than it was Sunday, and with the darkness that had fallen before I even set out, I decided to play it safe. Yes, the temperatures had been above zero most of the day… but when the sun goes down, it is a quick transition for the dampness on the ground to turn to ice. It would not do for me to turn an ankle and hurt myself… certainly not when I have been doing so well; not knowing that I am off to Dallas in eight and a half days.

    I took a quick shower before selecting a Davidoff Yamasa Toro cigar to enjoy on my Rectangle-Zone date with my beautiful wife, who had selected a Davidoff Millennium cigar for herself. In eight days, we will be together again, and it will be wonderful. For now, we have to settle for the damned rectangle zone. The physical distance that separates us is becoming more and more difficult to contend with. As silly or juvenile as it might seem, I truly am counting down the hours until we are together again. Rounding up, we are at 193. How cruel the universe can be in conspiring to keep us apart for so long? How amazing karma was for bringing us together, despite no geographic commonality. We will get through this, and we will one day be able to live happily ever after together.

    As we were talking last night, Leslie asked if she could tell me about a non-scale victory that she had noticed during my last visit but was unsure how to bring up delicately. As I do, she has a balcony on which we sit to enjoy cigars. It has a plastic floor cover that she added when she moved in. The first few times I had visited her, she noticed that under my chair, there were indents from my weight on the plastic. When I was there in January, there was no such indent. Hooray! I’ll take every victory that I can, thank you very much!

    I mentioned earlier in this entry that I had three things planned for yesterday evening. I actually accomplished all of them! I picked up fibre as well as faux milk. I went for a jog, despite the cold and dark that might have been a good excuse for skipping it. I had a cigar date with my wife. True, I did one of those at lunch, but the important thing is that I accomplished them all. After I told Leslie about my digestive issues she asked if I had bought the fibre and was glad that I told her I had. She was probably not as happy as I was though… the passing was quite sharp!

    Her Floofness has a spa appointment today which means I have to plan my class breaks around dropping her off and then collecting her. The spa does not have facilities to keep her longer than her appointment, and the one time that I could not collect her on time, I heard about it. I know I can massage the timing of recess and lunch, as well as assign lab work to ensure I am not too rushed. Knowing that I have to get there and back quickly will negate any temptation to stop off and pick up anything to cheat with. This morning saw the numbers on the bathroom scale down again, back into best-weight-yet territory, as well as back into the Obesity Class I category. I am now 11.4 lbs. from my best weight from 2020, and 16.8 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. More important for the immediate, I am back below my best weight from 2017. I was somewhat distraught yesterday morning to see that I had kicked back above that mark, in addition to the Obesity Class II. Thank goodness it was only for one day, and I am back on track. With my jog, as well as my bowl movement, I was hoping for a little more; I will be satisfied with what I have. I told Leslie last night that I would like to lose at least 3kg from last Wednesday to my next doctor’s appointment next Wednesday. That should not be too difficult, but if I can manage to drop 3.5 lbs. between now and then (a reasonable weight drop for a week on this program) then that fortnightly weight drop might be closer to 4kg. The things I think about as I look at my spreadsheets over my first cup of coffee…

    So once again, my plan for the day is to stay on track. If I can stay true to the program for the next eight days, then there is a very good chance that I will achieve my next short-term goal, to arrive in Dallas under 270 lbs. Last night I was speaking with Leslie, and I told her how wonderful it would be to go to the tailor Thursday evening under 270 lbs., but that is not likely to happen. A 1.8 lb. drop from today into tomorrow is unrealistic to expect. With that said, on February 2nd (and then again on February 13th) I set the goal for tomorrow to be under 280 lbs. by tomorrow. It was not until February 15th that I stretched that goal, hoping to get under 275 lbs. by tomorrow. I achieved both of those. On that day just two weeks ago I also stretched my goal for my Dallas trip to 270 lbs. (down from an original goal of 275 lbs.), and unless something drastic happens, I will absolutely achieve that. Would it have been nice to be able to move those two goalposts downward by another five pounds? Sure… but I am on a long-distance marathon, and not a sprint. I have discussed many times the importance of setting short-term goals and trying to meet and even beat my own expectations. So far, I have met every milestone goal that I have set for myself. I doubt I have met every timed goal, but I have done my best… and certainly since I kicked my program into high gear in January, I have been hugely successful. I am 29.2 lbs. down since starting the full-fast program on January 11… and that includes an eight-day hiatus from it during my trip to Dallas. That is over four pounds per week! In that time, I have also started jogging, which was another long-term goal of mine. I may not be anywhere near ready to run a marathon, but that too might happen if I stay on track! What is the lesson learned from this? Setting short-term goals for myself results in long-term successes… as long as I stay patient and stay focused.

    With that, my plan for the day is to stay on track with my food intake, to teach for the next twelve hours, and to wake up tomorrow morning to another slight drop on the bathroom scale. There are days when I forget that a lot of those slight drops will amount to huge drops over time. As of today, that drop from Day 1 is over one hundred and twenty pounds.

    Have a great day folks!