Losing a part of me

Category: Sleep

  • Day 489

    I am not sure what is going on these last couple of days, but my eyes popped open again this morning before 6:00am. If I was going to jog that would have been helpful. As I am holding off on that until the weekend (or at least until Friday, when I do not have a thirteen-hour day) that becomes decidedly inconvenient. At least yesterday when I woke up I was able to take advantage of my early rise by going to get my bloodwork done. This morning I did some banking, answered some emails, but that’s it. I took Her Floofness out for her walk, I said my prayers before sitting down to my computer with a meal replacement and a cup of coffee… and I do not have to start teaching for another ninety minutes or so.

    The streak ended today. After nine straight days of watching my weight drop every morning, today it is the same as it was yesterday. That is not really a big deal, especially knowing that this morning was the first since I restarted the full-fast program that I did not have a bowel movement. Had my weight gone up I might not be so calm (although I would try to put on a brave face). Staying the same was not nearly so bad as a gain would have been.

    It is interesting to compare what my mind views as cheating when I am on the full program as compared to when I am not. For example: I know for a fact that there were a couple of days last week (before I started again) when I decided it would not be the end of the world if I bought a bag of mini crisps… or Goldfish crackers. At the end of any day I would likely not have been able to give you a proper accounting of everything that I ate. In contrast, yesterday I had four meal replacements (900 calories total), three cups of coffee (with oat milk, as much as 20 calories total), two cups of Royal Milk Tea (one caffeinated, one decaf – my best research puts this at 120 calories total), and three Bentasil lozenges (eucalyptus flavour – 8 calories). That comes to about 1,050 calories. Add to that about 100g of carbohydrates (75g of which are in the meal replacements) and it comes to a very successful day. Nonetheless, I thought long and hard about that second cup of tea, knowing that it would be a cheat. What only a week ago would have been an irrelevance now gives me pause. I am not sure if that is a good thing (that I am mindful and aware of everything that I am ingesting) or a bad thing (that I am so obsessive about it). A third possibility is possibly more balanced… that I should be more aware (and mindful!) when I am not on the program, but that I can be a little more forgiving of myself when I am being almost completely strict. And here we have yet one more thing I will need to think about this week.

    My goal for today is to stick to the program. I am not going to be stingy with the lozenges – I am doing a lot of talking this week, and my throat is my most important tool – but if I do feel the need for another drink in the evening, I might brew a proper cup of tea, rather than mix a second milk tea. I am not doing this because I am appalled by the sixty calories in each cup, but it is something that I can control better… I can control how much oat milk I use, as well as the sugar. That reminds me that I have to remember to buy coffee the next time I go shopping. I really wish I could remember where I bought it last time, because it was really very nice! Oh well… I will have to do some research and find a good source for the beans that I like.

    Again, I will not be exercising today. I got through yesterday very well, and even sat on the balcony to enjoy a cigar at the end of the evening. With that said, even if I thought I had the time today, I know that I did not sleep nearly enough last night, and I have to be careful to not only make it through today, but the rest of the week as well. I am glad that while I cannot jog this week, I also have very little opportunity (or temptation) to cheat. I know I lose weight faster when I balance exercise and the program, but if I can only do the program these next few days then I will still lose a little bit more weight… or at least I will not gain any.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 488

    It looks like yesterday I was focusing on other things, and so I did not post an article. I wrote it, I completed it… I just never put it on my blog. Oh well. Here’s what I wrote, without a single word change, on Tuesday May 23, 2023. -MDG

    My eyes popped open this morning at 5:45am, which is ten minutes earlier than they would have had I not changed my alarm. Realizing I was not going to get back to sleep, I got out of bed and got my day started early. As I went about my bathroom routine I thought about a 5km walk after bringing Princess Sophie in from her morning outing, and I even dressed for it; had any of my neighbours been out that early they would have likely not thought twice about me wearing track pants. Nevertheless, when we got home I decided to get dressed properly, and then go to the lab early and wait in line. That turned out to be the right decision, because as it turns out, the lab closer to home opens at 7:30am and not 8:00am, as does the one in the same building as my doctor. When I walked into the building there was already a line, and by the time I got near the front of it that line was three times longer than it had been when I showed up. I probably saved an hour with that snap decision and was home from the vampires by 8:30am. I was by then more than ready for my morning coffee and meal replacement, owing to not being allowed to eat or drink before the bloodwork was drawn.

    This morning marked the ninth straight day of weight loss. With a day-over day drop of one pound I have now dropped a full 15.4 lbs. since putting the brakes on my slide. I am happy with that, but I also have to give a lot of thought to how to interpret my progress, my feelings, and my plans going forward. As I mentioned in yesterday’s entry, on Sunday I was feeling extremely weak, and I needed to break from the program. I know that I was jogging on the full-fast program before, but on Saturday and especially Sunday I was extremely weak and fatigued the rest of the day. I doubt that had I jogged yesterday morning if I would have been able to make it through my class. In the next few days I am going to discuss my options with Leslie and see which one we feel will be the smartest going forward. In the meantime, I made it through the day yesterday with four meal replacements and two cups of Japanese milk tea… in addition to my regular coffee consumption.

    Every day that my weight drops takes me to a new best weight ever; Saturday morning I was tied with my previous best, but the last three days have each set a new record low. While I have no recollection of it, as I have written in these pages before I was weighed in 2005 at 255 lbs., at the end of my Weight Watchers success (that was abruptly halted by the end of my first marriage). I have been wracking my brain to try to remember another weigh-in lower than that, and the only one that comes to mind is from a year before my enlistment in the Army. I have no recollection of weighing myself between autumn of 1993 and the winter of 2005, although I am sure I did step onto the scale for Army doctors and other check-ups… there is just no record of it. Because of that I feel I am in uncharted territory and find myself at a loss for what to say. I know there are people who have yearned for the day they would see me at a loss for words.

    My plan for the day is to stay the course. Of course, it does not hurt that I start teaching in 30 minutes, and I go straight through until 9:15pm. Would it be possible for me to cheat if I wanted to? Sure. Would it be simple or convenient? It would not be. I am also hoping that I will not be tempted to, because if I had to I know I could pop open a can of salmon or tuna. I do not think I will have to resort to that today, unless I am really struggling. I am hoping that today will be my second straight day of complete success on the program, and that tomorrow morning will mark my tenth straight day of weight drop… and fourth straight day of setting new best-weight-ever records for myself.

    That last note, incidentally, is something that my wife reminds me constantly to be careful of. The scale giveth, the scale taketh away. There will be days when I do everything right, and the scale will either show no loss, or worse a slight gain. I have to remember that these things are going to happen, and that it is not a sign of failure, nor is it a reason to get discouraged. I know that one day in the next few I will see that happen, and I have to remember that weight loss is not going to be a straight and unbroken line down without the occasional blip… even if I do everything right. The most important thing is for me to stay focused and stay on track. As long as the downs are more than the ups then I am still on the right track.

    My plan for today is to stay focused and mindful, and to not veer from the program. As I wrote, it is possible that I will be changing my program over the next few days, but most likely that would not happen until the weekend. Unless I find that I do not have the ability to concentrate and stay awake, I will stay on the full-fast this week, and on the weekend, when I resume my jogging, I will reevaluate that plan. Yes, I have decided that this week I will not be getting up at the crack of dawn to jog before class. Until I know how it will affect my mind and body throughout the extremely long day, I am going to hold off. Next week, when I am teaching in the morning then again at night, I will be happy to jog after my morning class. That way, if I am really drained, I can still take a nap in the afternoon before my evening class. This week, teaching twelve hours straight through Thursday, I will not have that option.

    As long as I do not fall off track, sometime in the next few days I will hit a monster milestone. I am less than two pounds from hitting 250 lbs., which I have no memory of ever weighing after joining the Army. I need to stay on track so that I can celebrate that one soon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 486

    “I know that the scale giveth, and the scale taketh away.” I wrote this quote in the last paragraph of yesterday’s journal entry, knowing full well that after the tremendous weight loss of the last few days, even if I stuck to my program there was a good chance that my weight would not drop more this morning. While it did not drop like it had the previous few days, I was still down. That means that I am, once again, in best weight ever territory!

    Yesterday was not an easy day to be successful. Indeed, it was a struggle, but I made it through. I think if I look back on my previous jumps from partial program (or falling off the wagon completely for a few days) back onto the full-fast program, the third day has always been difficult. True to my plans, I went out for a jog/walk around 1:30pm after my second meal replacement of the day. When I returned home I showered and relaxed a little. While my plan was to have a cigar on the balcony, I was starting even then to realize just how tired and worn down I was. I decided to have my third meal replacement, and then lie down to try to take a nap. I am not sure if I slept, but I rested for an hour or so before Her Royal Floofness told me she wanted to go out for a walk. It was a longer than usual walk for a late afternoon, but I was happy to accommodate her. I told Leslie that I was exhausted and would be going to bed and to sleep early. We spoke for a while as I enjoyed my final meal replacement, and I was asleep by about 9:45pm. Yes, this old man was asleep before 10pm on a Saturday night. My younger self would be pointing and laughing at me.

    My early night to bed paid off. My Sleep Score was 81. Could it have been better? Yes… but it has not been better in a long time, and I will take it!

    I had a huge non-scale victory yesterday! I went to put on my jeans and was again miffed by how loose they were. Remember a month or so ago, when I noticed that my Size-38 jeans were loose and I tried to fit into my Size-36 jeans… only to realize that they were still way too tight? Well, I tried again… and they fit! To be clear, I did not go through every pair until one of them fit; I grabbed the first pair of Levi 501s off the top. They are tight, but they button to the top without too much effort. Hooray!! Sometime today I will probably go through the rest of the bin and see if the others fit, and I will do a bit of rotation in my armoire. I doubt they will all fit, but we are getting there. I predict that sometime in the not-too-distant future I will no longer have any bins labeled ‘clothes that don’t fit me yet.’ Sometime after that, I predict that I will need to start shopping for clothes again!

    I have been giving thought to how to approach the coming week. My calendar is packed during my usual waking hours. Tomorrow morning I start teaching a daytime class (which, unlike my last class, is 8-hours per day). In the evening tomorrow I have my Cigar Sommelier class, then Tuesday through Thursday I am teaching in the evening. Fortunately my daytime class is in the central time zone, which means that the 9-5 class is actually 10-6 where I am. I have set my alarm for each morning this week to go off at 5:55am. It is my hope that I am able to get out of bed, finish my usual morning bathroom routine by 6:45am, then take Her Floofness out for her walk. I should be home from that by 7:30am, at which point I will go out for my jog/walk. My last few outings have been between 80-90 minutes, so I would be home by 9:00am. I can then shower, get dressed, and prepare my coffee and morning meal replacement, say my morning prayers, and be ready at my computer by 9:30am… exactly the thirty minutes prior to class that I am asked to be in class. I will try to do this for at least three days of the week… and I will see how well I am able to do. I am not usually a morning person and getting up and at ‘em that early has not traditionally been my thing. At least, not in the 27 years since I finished active duty.

    Of course, this means that I will be trying to go to bed earlier than I usually do. My evening classes finish by 9:30pm, and I will immediately get ready for bed and jump into the rectangle with my wife. If I am able to keep this up, there will be no cigars for me until Friday… or at least, from Tuesday through Thursday, as my evening class on Monday is in fact my cigar class, which I am going to try to join from the balcony so that I can smoke during the class.

    Tuesday morning will not be a jogging morning, one way or another. I have to get my bloodwork done one day this week (in advance of my appointment next week with my doctor), and so I put it onto my calendar for Tuesday morning. Of I cannot get there Tuesday, then it will change to Wednesday… but that has to be done, one way or another.

    My plans for today are simple. In a few minutes, I am meeting with my diet buddy. She is unable to meet face to face today, so it will be a Facetime call. No problem. After that, I will suit up and go out for my jog. After a good night of sleep, my Body Battery was charged up to 79/100 when I woke up, but somehow has dropped in these last three hours to 66. No matter, that is still good enough to get a really good Sunday jog in. It is a sunny day and warm but not hot, and I am going to see if I can jog a full 10km today. After that, I will come home to shower and enjoy my second meal replacement. In the afternoon I am going to visit with my buddy Lyle and his wife, which should be a nice time. I have not seen them since before I flew off to Dallas last, and it will be nice to catch up. In the evening I will come home and relax and test some new technology – I ordered an electronic picture frame to hang in my apartment, and I want to hang it and load it up with pictures from the wedding. After that, I plan to relax on the balcony, and when her son is asleep I will chat with my wife for a few minutes before hitting the sack.

    There are a couple of temptations that I need to avoid today. I have too often stopped in at Bulk Barn to pick up a handful of peanuts on my way to or from (or both) Lyle’s house. I have to stay mindful and make sure that today can truly be my fourth straight day of sticking to my program. I am now three pounds from a very major milestone, and I do not want to dilly-dally on my way there. It is possible that one or two days this coming week I will not lose weight or even possibly gain weight… but that goes back to the scale giving and taking away. My goal is to make sure that if it does happen that it is not because I cheated. I will stay mindful. I will stay focused. I will achieve my goals.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 485

    On Friday, March 31 (Day 436) I was thrilled to drop below 255 lbs. because that had been my best weight in the year 2005. With a trip to Dallas, falling off my exercise due to an injured foot and whatever else was going on in my head, it would take me two more weeks to drop another 1.4 lbs. to my best weight ever. With the excitement and stress of planning the wedding and then the difficulties I had getting back on track, one month to the day after that wonderful achievement, I stepped onto the scale last Sunday and realized I had gained 13.8 lbs. in a month.

    Three things happened that day.

    The first was that I met with my diet buddy for coffee; for the first time in months, I was not upbeat and optimistic. I was not a beacon of hope, I was not an example of success. I was exuding sadness. My confidence was gone, At the end of the meeting I told her that I needed to get back on track, and I was going to start by going for a jog almost as soon as she left. I told her that on our next check-in I would have positive progress to share and I would have my positive attitude back.

    The second thing that happened is I sent a text to my wife in Texas. We had a bit of a fight that morning, which was probably caused a bit by my down attitude of late, and a bit by the inability to easily convey tone in a text message, thus leading to misunderstandings. A few weeks earlier, she asked me at what point would I want her to ‘crack down’ on my slide. I told her at that time that I was fine, and that as soon as the wedding was behind us, I would fall right back into my weight loss and exercise program. The text that I sent last Sunday read: “Babe, I don’t remember the exact words, but a few weeks ago you asked me when you should start giving me grief about my diet. We are there.’ Later in the afternoon (it was Mother’s Day, and so she was spending the day with my stepson) we talked and agreed that I would wean myself off the bad habits by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest, and she would hold me to it. Like an amazing supporter, she did not set the deadline for me; rather, she asked me to set it. That way, I could not turn around and make excuses like, ‘you set unreasonable expectations for me.’ No, that was all on me.

    The third thing that happened was I did indeed go for a jog. I did not know how much I would have in me, but I was going to do my best… and then I would walk the rest of the way. It did not matter how far or how fast I ran, I just needed to kickstart my exercise routine again.

    These three things from last Sunday (a mere six days ago) worked together to get me back on track… and my body started responding even before Thursday. By the morning I was resuming my full-fast program I had already dropped an incredible 6.4 lbs., which was honestly unexpected considering some of what I ate those days. The real shock would be spread between yesterday and today, which saw a two-day combined loss of a whopping 7.4 lbs., from just two days on my full-fast… and two days of jogging and walking, despite what my Body Battery said.

    Six straight days of weight drops (most of them very significant drops!) totaled an almost unimaginable 13.8 lbs. … and if you read back to the first paragraph of this journal entry, that is the exact amount I had gained during the month of sliding. Yes, this morning I stepped onto the scale and was greeted by the same number as my best weight ever. That means that the next ounce that I lose will be my new record.

    Speaking of jogging, Here are my stats from yesterday. It was not very impressive, but at least I got out there.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 4.03km (6.1km)
    • Duration: 28:26 (42:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m02s (6m58s)
    • Steps: 4,530 (6,720)
    • Calories burned: 450 (750)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 159 (158)

    Like I said… I did not break any records.

    There are days when I swear that my fitness watch knows me better than I know myself. Then there are days like today, when I cannot understand some of the readings. I woke up this morning, energized that I got six uninterrupted hours of sleep (and then two more hours after a quick visit to the bathroom). I was going to should for joy about the amazing sleep that I got! When I looked at my wrist I could not understand the sleep score of 49/100. Reading deeper, the portal says that ‘You slept long enough, but your body did not recharge very well. As a result, you may tire more easily today. You got a lot of intense exercise yesterday, and it impacted your sleep quality. Try to eat well, get plenty of rest and perform very strenuous activities sparingly.’ Really? Then how come I felt so good this morning? How come I still feel great three hours later? The other one is Body Battery. I really thought I recharged last night, and yet my BB this morning peaked at a mere 43/100. Garmin might know something that I do not, but I am still planning to go out for a jog this afternoon after the rain stop, which is predicted for around 1:00pm. Of course, it is always possible that I will crap out after 2km (which has happened before), but I am going to give it my best either way.

    Since I do not feel like going out in the rain, I will spend the next couple of hours looking at wedding pictures which Leslie and I just received. I am really excited that they are in and will be renaming files to match the content of each. So far, we have 165 pictures. I do not know if there will be more, but that is a good number to look at and rename… not to mention decide which ones to print and which ones to share with others! I decided to order an electronic picture frame so that I can rotate my favourites and have it on the wall. That should arrive tomorrow.

    My original plan for today was to smoke cigars with a couple of buddies, but one of them told me that he is not available this weekend, and the other has not yet responded. I will likely try to call him soon because he is not the type who is tied to his phone but will hear it if it rings. If he is not available then I will simply relax at home this evening. Whatever I end up doing, Two things are certain: I am going to go out to jog, whatever my BB may tell me. I am going to stay on my program, which means no cheats whatsoever. I joked with Leslie yesterday evening that when I got into my car I cheated because there was a single kernel of popcorn on the passenger seat (I ate popcorn at the mall after my trip to the Apple Store). I think we can all agree that a single kernel of popcorn is not really a cheat, but today I have to stay on the program. That means I will have to be mindful, and I will have to plan the timing of my meal replacements properly.

    This morning I prepared the first shake later than I usually would, owing to my failed attempt to get my bloodwork done before eating or drinking anything. Yes, the lab is usually open on Saturday, but they are closed today for the Victoria Day long weekend. That means that I will have to go one morning this week before class. I cannot put it off to next Saturday because my next appointment with my doctor is the following Monday morning, and the results will absolutely not be ready in time. All this to say that I had my first shake this morning was at 9:00am, so I can plan for my next one at 12:30pm (before my jog), then at 5:00pm (after my jog), and the last one before 9:00pm. This plan allows for an even distribution of them.

    I should mention that I am sitting here at my desk at 11:15am, and I am feeling a bit hungry. I am not going to give in to my urges, knowing that if I wait until 12:30 then I will have my meal replacement and I will stay on plan. Before that, I am going to bide my time by going out to hunt for a new water bottle and shoulder strap. I still cannot believe that I left mine on the airplane… or at one of the airports… or in the Uber. Grrr. It does not happen to me often, but once in a while I am careless and I forget something behind, especially when I am not focused.

    My plan for today is to do everything in my power to hit a new record low weight tomorrow morning. I know that the scale giveth, and the scale taketh away. Even if it does not happen tomorrow, if I stay on track and do not cheat then there is no reason that I will not be there in the next couple of days. I love that feeling… and I want to start feeling it every day or two for the next few weeks!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 475

    This morning’s two-pound drop from yesterday was a welcome sight. I had a meal a couple of hours after my root canal which consisted of chicken, sweet potato fries (air fried, of course), and salad. I probably ate around 4:00pm and did not eat anything after that… if you discount a couple of painkillers.

    I fell asleep on the balcony for a couple of hours which resulted in my being a bit chilled for the entire night. Oops! That wasted half of a very nice cigar, but not one that I will cry over. I suppose I was a little fatigued.

    This afternoon after my class is finished I have an appointment for a haircut, then with the doctor. This will likely be my first doctors visit in four months at which I do not register a drop in weight. I will probably have gained a couple of kilograms. Add to the fact that I am breaking my pattern of going in the morning (this is when he was available) and I am pretty sure that I will not be impressed with the numbers on my official weigh-in… but I am not going to stick my head in the sand and pretend that I do not know how it happened. I have been off-track these last few weeks, and I will see the results. I did better yesterday, and I will do better today. That is not to say that I am back on-track, only that I am trying to get there. One or two days does not a pattern make.

    I miss my wife. Every time we are apart it hurts. I realized this morning that I made a mistake on my countdown, which I thought had her flying in four weeks from today. In fact she is arriving in just under 32 days, which means I was off by four. It is painful, but it is the reality. I hope that by then I have well and truly gotten back on track. I know that with patience all will work out… I just hate the wait. I wish we could be together now and always.

    Okay, it is time for me to go get my haircut. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 470

    Okay, it was bound to happen, especially how I’ve been eating. My weight jumped a little today, which took me just above the 260 lbs. mark again. I am not at all upset by this. I know that last night, after preparing a lovely roast chicken dinner for the family (with French fries, which are immediately a bad idea), I decided to have a piece of toast with peanut butter. I knew then that the carbs of the bread and the sugar of the peanut butter were a terrible idea, but I did it anyways. I will do better today!

    Speaking of today, I finally slept last night. I do not remember when I fell asleep (nor do I even remember going to bed) but I woke up around 2:00am to use the washroom and realized I had been asleep for a while. According to Garmin, I was asleep by 9:15pm, and got ten full hours of sleep. I feel much better today than I have the last couple of days, and I am ready to go for a light jog. My Body Battery is at 81/100, which means that I am not really at risk of running out of steam. With that said, I have not jogged in the last ten days so I do not expect too much of myself. I will not be trying to win any races.

    This evening is my last class with the group that I have been teaching since the beginning of February. Three nights per week for three months I have spent with this group, and I am so proud of their progress. They still have exams to take, but they are on their way to becoming networking professionals. Next week I will be starting with a new group, but only for a couple of weeks. It is not often that I get to work with a group for this long, and I have loved every minute of it… despite a lot of frustrating moments.

    The end of class means that starting next week my Monday evenings will be free. This works out perfectly because I have been invited to sit a class for cigar professionals that is Monday evenings for the next few months. I am very excited about the class, and only hope that I can keep up… they told me that they will be delivering it simultaneously in Spanish and in English, but I know one of the instructors and his English is almost zero. I do not know how they will do it, but my dues are paid and whether I need to use a translator or not, I am ready to start.

    Despite what the forecast predicted, it is a beautiful day outside. Between now and noon it is going to hit 85°, but for now it is in the mid-70s. The rain is predicted to start around 3:00pm, with the high temperatures forecast to hit 95° by then. That would not be comfortable jogging weather, but right now it is. It is time for me to suit up and hit the road so that I can be back before the worst of it starts. I had a few things I needed to take care of before getting out, but I think most of them are done so I am ready.

    My goal for today is to get back on track, both with jogging and with eating. Let’s see if I can drop below 260 again tomorrow. I know that I will likely not be able to jog tomorrow or Sunday, but if I can have one good day in Dallas before returning to Canada then I will be happy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 469

    Had you asked me a week ago, I would have scoffed at the idea that my weight this morning would be back under 260 lbs. After all, that morning I weighed 263.4 lbs., and I was going into my travel/wedding weekend fully intending to be off the program completely. I not only expected to gain weight, but I was completely okay with it. Anyone who read yesterday’s entry knows that I ate very well this weekend… which is to say that I actually ate very poorly from the viewpoint of dieting and losing weight. While I had not been doing well on my program for the entire previous week, things really started when I got to the airport a week ago today. After a full breakfast, I had chips and other snacks on the plane. By the following morning I was another 2.4 lbs. heavier, and I expected that by the time we got back to Dallas (Tuesday night) I would easily weigh 270 lbs. Yesterday morning’s 4.2 lbs. drop from Friday was a tremendous shock; this morning’s further 2.4 lbs. drop from yesterday blew me away. Four days after the wedding I am back under 260 lbs. for the first time in nine days.

    Why am I blown away? I had pizza for dinner last night. I was teaching so Leslie and her son ordered food, and I happily ate several slices while my students ran labs. It was not nearly as good as the pizza at The Stonehaus that I enjoyed over the weekend, but it was mighty tasty. It is usually a safe bet that any day that I eat pizza (much less five slices of it) I will gain weight. Not this time! This is just one more time when I admit that I do not understand the way my body works.

    I am not jogging today, despite my writing yesterday that I probably would. I got into bed last night at a reasonable hour and could not sleep. At 12:30am I gave up trying, hoping that staring at my computer screen for a while would tire my eyes. I ended up writing an 1,800-word article for my cigar blog which I hope to publish tomorrow or the latest Monday. I went back to bed and finally fell asleep sometime after 2:30am. My Body Battery barely cracked 60/100 this morning, and I am not going to push myself into an injury. I will try again tomorrow. In the meantime, I will spend a couple of hours at the lounge this afternoon. I have an article that I promised my students that I would write for them, and I want to finish it today so it can be published tomorrow in time for our final class together. I will eat reasonably during the day – I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and I will pick up salads for Leslie and I for lunch. Dinner will of course depend on a number of factors, not the least is my seven-year-old stepson. Whatever we decide on, I will keep mindful and eat in moderation. While I doubt I will see another two-pound drop on the scale tomorrow morning, I will make sure that I am careful so as not to see any increase.

    Speaking of jogging, I am not sure if I will be able to jog outside tomorrow. Starting this evening there is rain and thunderstorms in the forecast for every day from now through Sunday when I fly back to Canada. The high temperatures every day are forecast well above 90° every day as well. While the hourly forecast looks like the morning will be cloudy but dry with temperatures in the high 70s, I do not know how well I can trust that. If it is comfortable outside then I will jog outside; otherwise I will hit the treadmill in the gym. Either way, I am really hoping that tomorrow I can get at least some exercise in. It has been too long since my last jog!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 459

    My clothes are in Canada. For the last few days (since I got the initial notification from the tailor on Wednesday) I have been tracking the progress of my custom clothes which I am really excited for. From the first notification from the shipping company, the predicted arrival date was to be Monday (tomorrow), and that has not changed. Since the day Leslie and I decided to get married next weekend, I have been hoping that they would arrive in time for me to take them with me. While the only piece that I will wear to the wedding is one of the shirts (I am wearing a suit), there are numerous other events and occasions, both in California and then in Dallas, for which I will want to dress up. I would have done fine with my older stuff, but I am happy that the new wardrobe will be available. Tomorrow they shall arrive!

    I was reminded yesterday of when, as a teenager, I finally got rechargeable batteries for my Walkman. It was exciting that after a minor investment I would no longer need to spend a fortune on batteries. I was surprised then to discover that, unlike alkaline batteries (which would start to lose power gradually, resulting in your music playing slower), the lithium batteries worked great… until they did not, and the music would go from full speed to nothing. I thought of it because in the morning my Body Battery measurement on my fitness watch was at 82, but by the time I got to the gym it had plummeted to 47. My treadmill running was cut off at 3km, although I did then walk another 2.65km to make sure I would reach my steps goal (thus extending my streak to 13 days). I came home and made myself a meal replacement, but then a couple of hours later (by which point the measurement was down even further to 19) I decided I needed food, and I made myself the last pieces of salmon I had in the freezer and a plate of rice. While my jogging is great for almost every aspect of my health and fitness, I see a direct correlation between the quality of sleep I get to the Body Battery, which as I have stated over the last few days is quite real.

    Before any of that, I took my son the younger for lunch at his standard Lone Star Texas Grill. I had the same fajita bowl as I usually do but opted instead of the chicken to try the steak on it. It costs a couple of dollars more, but the nutritional difference is negligible. Why not, right? It was quite tasty! I did have as many as ten tortilla chips, but I did not lose control on them which is a huge victory. My son was not at all in a talkative mood, so we essentially ate quietly. I was not offended – aside from him being on the spectrum, he also did not sleep well the previous night, and was visibly exhausted. I don’t mind being able to spend time with him though, whether or not he is chatty. I appreciate every moment we have, especially knowing that when I eventually move back down the USA it will be harder for us to spend time together.

    While I slept marginally better last night than the previous, it took me a long time to fall asleep, and what I got was not enough to really energize me for today. My Body Battery when I woke up was a mere 66 and has already dropped to a 61/100. I am hoping that I will be able to get a good jog in before I lose any motivation and energy. As I have done on the two days when I could not complete a 5km (or better) jog, if I find myself unable to continue then I will slow to a walk; whether I am running or walking, I will extend my steps goal streak to fourteen days today. Her Floofness wanted to go for her full tour of the park today, so I am already a quarter of the way there. While it is cloudy, the temperature is currently 8° and there is no rain in the forecast, so I am going to jog outdoors. I am not sure if running outdoors gives me more motivation to continue than I have at the gym, where I often find myself bored (especially if the audiobook I am listening to is not grabbing me). I suspect that has been the case of late, so when I am able to, I will stick to the streets. The forecast for the next few days is pretty stable, with rain predicted for Wednesday. I will still likely go to the gym tomorrow, if only to give the invoice for my new lock to the general manager. I don’t think I wrote about that, but the staff cut my (very expensive) lock off when another member mistook it for his own; thinking that the battery was dead (because his fingerprint was not accepted) he asked the staff to cut it open. The other member was at fault, which was compounded by his not telling anyone when he realized that it was not his locker. No matter, I bought a new lock, and the gym had better pay me for it.

    A buddy is coming over in the afternoon for a cigar, and it will be good to see him. He was supposed to come on Friday, but he was not feeling well. He is feeling better today, so that is our plans for the afternoon. I am only hoping that between now and then I am able to get my jog in and not collapse when I get home!

    My plan for today is to try to stay mindful. I have not done a great job of staying on the program the last week, and while I was doing fine yesterday, I do not think I would have made it through the evening without having the meal. A am glad despite all to be only .4 lb. up from yesterday, and 2.4 lbs. up from my best weight ever from last Friday. It should take only 2-3 days of faithfully sticking to the program for me to get back there, and hopefully by my next doctor’s appointment (Wednesday) I will be there. This morning’s weight on the bathroom scale is lower than it was the morning of my last appointment… but only marginally (about half a pound). If I can lose three pounds from now until Wednesday, then at least I can be nearly two kilograms down; if I can then maintain that until the next day then I will be able to fly to Dallas at my best weight ever. With all of that said, if I do not have the energy to make it through the day then I will not be a hero, and I will make myself a piece of chicken… or something.

    Okay, enough of this procrastinating. I am going to try to reach the bakery to pay for the wedding cake, and then I am going to suit up for my jog. It is hard to believe that the wedding is a week away!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 431

    I slipped last night. The salad I had in the evening was likely of little consequence. When I got home (after 11pm) I had that last bag of pop chips (actually called Crispy Minis I realized) in addition to my meal replacement shake. Combine food that I should not be eating at hours when I should not be eating anything, and the result is what I got on the bathroom scale this morning. I hope the nearly two-pound jump from yesterday, in addition to surging above that previous monumental achievement of dropping below 260 pounds, and you have a big, loud wakeup call that will serve as a reminder of the consequences of not being mindful for just a few moments.

    I had trouble falling asleep, but once I had, my precious puppy let me know at about 3:15am that she really needed to go outside. She is not a fan of inclement weather, and while I had taken her outside several times during the day (and when I got back from Toronto), she had only sniffed briefly at the grass, peed a little, and then insisted we go back inside. When we went out before bed to blustering winds and freezing rain, she did a little bit of business, but then made an about-face and guided me right back into the building. I was pretty sure we were done for the night, but that was not to be. As a result, my sleep definitely could have been better.

    There are two measurements that my new fitness watch tracks which my old one did not. In truth, there are several… but these are the two I have been watching and am focusing on now. The first is sleep, which I suppose my old one probably tracked too, but with its much shorter battery life I never wore it to bed. Whether the other one did or not, the new one provides a sleep score, which for last night is telling me that: ‘You slept long enough, but you spent too much time awake. You may not feel well-rested today.’ I could have told it the second part, although I am impressed that it thinks I slept long enough. I think he mistook my lying in bed resting (and checking my phone) with actual sleep.

    The second measurement that it is providing me is called body battery, which provides a number for estimating my changing energy levels throughout the day. Right now, it is at 84, the highest number it has been since Tuesday before my jog. I also know that it likely takes a few days wearing the new device to get an accurate picture of that, so when Monday (the first day that I wore it and that I exercised) it registered a 100 (and then only dropped to 37 after 8km on the treadmill) I will assume that it was just trying to calibrate. Following Friday’s nearly 80 minutes on the treadmill my battery dropped to 11, and by the end of my relaxing Saturday it had not risen above 75. I will keep an eye on it as a matter of interest and curiosity, but I am pretty good at knowing when I should and should not work out.

    Speaking of which, today will likely not be a jogging day, for a slightly amusing reason. I do not always clip my toenails as well as I should, and I believe that the nail of my pinky toe on my left foot has cut into my next toe with all of my recent running. I will clip them on both feel today, and if I feel the need to jog later in the day (a definite possibility, especially with the weather forecast) then I will bandage my second toe before heading out. I am not sure I have ever put a Band-Aid on any but my big toe before, but there can always be a first time, right? The critical importance of having healthy feet is a lesson that was drilled into us in the Army, and I will not disappoint those who drilled that into me by letting a toe get infected for no reason other than stubbornness. In the meantime, if after my lunch with my son (the younger) I can clip them and then go for a run before Julie comes over then I will gladly take the opportunity; the forecast is for a sunny day with a high of 9°, making it a brilliant day to hit the road. Tomorrow’s forecast promises chilly temperatures with a mix of rain and snow all day… if I am going to jog outside this week, it looks like today, Tuesday, and possibly Thursday are the days to do it. The rest of the days will be gym days only.

    Yes, my diet buddy is coming over this afternoon around 4:00. I joked with her that instead of out usual coffee we might go out for beers and to ‘score some chicks’ which was my feeble attempt at Sunday morning humour. Her wife is in Yukon and mine is in Dallas so we joke like that a lot… and look forward to the day when we can actually go to a bar to see which women check both of us out. Neither of us would ever follow through with anything, but it will be nice to be looked at. We have both been overweight for so long that we are used to being ignored. We both have wives who love us and who have always been attracted to us, but it is nice to know that other people can look at us that way too. As it stands, we will sit at my place and have coffee; after these last few days I feel that I do need the touch point to get back on track, so it will be good to see her for that reason as well as just seeing my friend.

    I am taking my son the younger for lunch today, and I hope he picks one of the places with fewer temptations. No, he just confirmed that he wants Lone Start Texas Grill. My response to his mother was ‘Fucking Lone Star.’ There is nothing wrong with the restaurant of course… and I can have my usual salad there (and not finish it or take it home with me). It is just those damned tortilla chips and salsa that kill me every time. I MUST RESIST. Maybe I will ask Tex or Dakota or whatever stupid alias the server uses that is supposed to sound Texan to bring me celery sticks to dip into the salsa instead. I will find a way to resist, even if I have to eat the damned salsa with a fork. When I get home this afternoon, I will be proud of myself for not giving in to the temptation. I swear to G-d I will figure out a way. The salsa is high in sodium but if I ate three ounces of it with celery, I would be at 18 calories with 3g of carbohydrates. I can live with that.

    I am back from lunch, where I did mostly okay. I ordered the grilled chicken fajita bowl, eschewing the cheese (of course) and the rice (mostly). I did eat four of Gilad’s tortilla chips. Four chips is immeasurably better than all the chips! When I was dropping him off, his mother told me I should come in to bring his brother his birthday gift. My son the elder was quite impressed by my selection and invited me in to sample it. I had the smallest portion of whiskey possible, and it was absolutely delicious. I could easily have poured another three or four measures for myself; instead, when he brought out pecan halves, I took six – a reasonable portion by any measure. We spent several hours talking, with some amazing revelations which I will not share here.

    It is a beautiful afternoon – it is still sunny, and the forecast high temperature is two degrees behind us. I am going to clip my nails and go for a jog. Julie had to cancel, so we will have a phone call instead. That’s life. The day is mostly done, and my biggest temptations and hurdles are in the rearview mirror. I was not strictly on my program today… but in the balance I will chalk it up as a success. Tomorrow morning when I write of this afternoon’s jog I hope to do so with a spring in my step, as I plan my trip to the gym to attack the treadmill with gusto.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 417

    The correction continues! After the initial gain Friday morning of 2.2 lbs., I am once again down .4 lb. this morning, the same as yesterday morning. I am quite content with that. I jogged yesterday, but I also ate a quite a bit, including a very tasty roll (brought from Canada) with our lunchtime (non)chicken burgers, and also some of the chips that the Mexican restaurant brought to our table last night. I tempered both of these though. While I was always going to eat two patties for lunch, when Leslie asked me I told her I would only have one roll for both of them. While eating the chips with salsa, after a few (maybe twenty chips but probably fewer) I said no more… and I did not take a single other chip. That second one is a huge victory for me, considering the last time I cheated was in a very similar situation, with very similar (though inferior) nacho chips. We came home and enjoyed a couple of cigars on the balcony, which was also always in the plan.

    In the morning, after Leslie successfully talked me out of going out to eat, we did pick up our café lattés from Starbucks to enjoy with our first cigar of the day. We have a cigar that just pairs perfectly with the drink, and while it is too soft for an evening cigar (for our tastes) it is a perfect breakfast cigar. I know that the latté is not strictly a good choice, but I am in Dallas with my wife, and I want to share things with her… like this. We have some traditions that we are starting that I hope that we can continue long beyond the time when we are only visiting with each other. A weekend morning on the balcony with a good coffee and a delicious cigar is one of them.

    Thinking I had to earn that running badge from Garmin, I set out for a jog after lunch. The weather here has been strange, and while we were sitting on the balcony with jackets on at 10:30am, at 2:30pm it was hot. I was determined to earn that badge, so even after 3km (at which point it was 85° without a cloud in the sky) I left the jogging activity tracking… even though I switched to a brisk walk. I finished out with 3km jogging and 4.5km walking, a very respectable outing by any means. Of course, it was not until I got home that I realized that the challenge is for next weekend. Grrr. No matter, I got out and I stayed active. I plan to do the same thing every day this week… and I am relieved in that regard that yesterday was an anomaly… the forecast high for today is 66°, and with two exceptions, the long-range forecast does not show it going above 60° for the rest of my trip.

    This evening Leslie and I are having dim sum for dinner, which will be a special treat. In anticipation of that, after our coffee and cigar we are going to a mall where we have a couple of things we actually need to buy, but we are also going to do a lot of walking together. It will be a nice Sunday activity.

    I will mention that I am definitely sleeping better these last few nights than the previous few weeks. I have not taken melatonin or anything else, I am simply sleeping with my wife in my arms, which makes everything better. This morning we both opened our eyes around the same time, and when I asked her what time it was she gasped – it was 10:20am! It took us a few seconds to realize that the clocks had sprung forward for Daylight Savings Time. That does not change the fact that we both got more than ten hours of sleep last night. I cannot remember the last time I was able to do that.

    Have a great day folks!