Losing a part of me

Category: Travel

  • Day 270

    I am sitting at the airport, drinking a cup of coffee, waiting to board my flight to Canada. It is getting harder and harder to say that I am going home, when my wife drops me off at the airport, and I am leaving her… She is my home. I know that until the US State Department says I can, I cannot really call Dallas home. That does not change where my heart lies… it is here, with my beautiful wife. I should be going to bed with her, waking up with her, eating with her… every day. We should be getting into each other’s way and getting annoyed and making up. We should be able to look at each other across the room… we should be able to touch each other. We should be able to do all of this without smartphones. When will that be? I think the best optimistic guess is that the coming winter might be my last one in Canada… but there is a good chance that this one will not be my last autumn in the country of my birth.

    I know what you are probably thinking. You have to ask, ‘Mitch, how can you be looking forward to living far from your children?’ The simple answer is that they live with their mother, and I get to see my son the younger for a few hours every couple of weeks, and my son the elder… at his whim and convenience. It was hard to live so far from them during Covid, when I was living in California and not able to visit Canada. It was hard, but I endured. They can come to visit anytime they want, and I will be able to come to see them as well… and I will, on a fairly regular basis. I will be able to chat with them and keep up with them every week, but that is again at their whim… which seems to not be very often. My wife, on the other hand, wants to be with me… and if I talk to my kids and don’t hug them it is hard, but to not be able to touch to hold to kiss my wife is not what either of us signed up for.

    My weight bumped up this morning, but only by .2lbs… what pollsters would refer to as within the margin of error. I was good yesterday, save for dinner – and a late dinner at that. We went for sushi, which meant a lot of rice. I also had mochi ice cream for dessert, which I know I should not have done. The fact that my weight essentially stayed the same is not really a surprise. Today is a travel day, so I might eat properly all day and still gain two pounds tomorrow… or eat like a chazer and lose a pound. I am going to do my best to eat properly, and whatever the scale says tomorrow morning I will take with a grain of salt.

    My son the elder is picking me up from the airport, and it will be great to see him. I am sure he will ask, and I will gladly pay for his gas. I will pay him what I would pay for an Uber, and I will get to spend some time with my son. Depending on the timing, I might ask him to take me to the store to buy food for dinner, but that is a big if. We will see how it goes. I am scheduled to land at 4:30pm, which means that between Customs and Immigration and waiting on my suitcase, I can optimistically hope to be in his car by 6:00pm, and home at 6:45pm. If we stop along the way, then we add 15 minutes to that. If we do not, then I still have to go shopping, as I have been gone nearly a month, and have nothing to eat in the house.

    I did do something smart when packing my kit this time. I have two meal replacement bars that I will have access to in my carry-on bag. Actually, I have several dozen of them, if we count both bags… but two is the maximum that I will need. That means that I will not need to ask for the extra cookies when the flight attendant comes around. The plane will board in 45 minutes, and I expect that I should be okay until then. I might have a meal replacement at the beginning of the flight, and another at the end… but that should tide me over. If all goes well, dinner will be late, but it will be my regular homemade chicken with a side salad.

    I am working this week! I have a week-long class that I am delivering, which I did not expect… and which will provide much needed income. I do not mean to say that I am going broke, but I am glad to be earning money. I also have a contract that starts in December, for a training centre that I worked with over the summer. It is always a good sign when companies ask for me by name. I love knowing that they were happy enough with my delivery the last time to ask me back. There are far too many trainers out there who can deliver the courses that I do, and I know that a lot of them will work for a lot less money than I do. The only way to keep working is to keep reminding them that I really am pretty good at what I do.

    Leslie laughed at me last night as I was packing. I came down to Dallas nearly a month ago, with a suitcase that was overflowing with groceries – treats for Leslie and her son. Between that, and the clothes that I planned to leave at her house (the summer is over, and I doubt there will be many days in mid-October when I can comfortably wear shorts in Canada), I expected to leave Dallas with a half-empty suitcase. What I neglected to consider was that I was bringing home a lot of meal replacements (which take up a lot more room in my suitcase than you might think), two boxes and two bags of cigars, my sports jacket and shirts and pants (which I am hoping will not fit my lithe frame by my next visit in January), and a bunch of other stuff that I picked up… both here and in California. Had I been flying back to Canada with the same luggage that I came with, I would have been overstuffed, and would have had to borrow a suitcase from Leslie. Fortunately, I had loaned her my large carry-on bag a few months ago, which needed to be fixed (which I took care of at the beginning of this trip, and which was now ready to fly). It is full, nearly completely with meal replacements. To quote the Bard: all’s well that ends well.

    While I do not enjoy it, I am always less stressed leaving the USA than entering it. The USA might one day refuse me entry. The worst that Canada can do is charge me duties for whatever I bring back, and I do not think I have anything to interest them – I am ten cigars over my limit, and they are not expensive cigars. Even so, it is always a relief to get through airport security without secondary screening. To be sitting in the terminal, even when I have a long wait, is a lot less stressful when I know I am going back to the country of my birth.

    It was raining this morning in Dallas. Yesterday was gorgeous and hot, but it is also the last such day I will experience until… well, I don’t know when. It is easy to think that Texas is warm or hot all year round, but I know that is not the case. The ten-day forecast for Burlington, Ontario shows two days with high temperatures at or over 65° Fahrenheit, with four days at or below 50° Fahrenheit. It will only be getting cooler and then colder. I am not sure what walking is going to be like this week, but it is almost time for me to join a gym if I plan to keep my exercise routine going… and I do!

    It is almost time to board, so I am going to walk over to the gate. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 265

    Yesterday went mostly well, and then I had a Wendy’s hamburger for dinner. I did not expect good results on the scale this morning, although I did expect that some of the water weight (from the excessive salt intake the previous day) would drop off. As I prepared to step onto the bathroom scale this morning, I was saying to myself ‘Please, just be under 315lbs.’ I stepped up, and when the numbers stabilized, I was actually just under 312lbs! I was happy with that indeed, and while I will not celebrate with a cheat meal, I am happy that my cheat last night did not affect me.

    For the record, I did eat the hamburger with only half the bun. I have never been big on open-faced sandwiches, especially burgers. However, in this case I decided to reduce my starch intake by half. I felt the burger itself was bad enough, and while some bread was bad, more bread was worse.

    Aside from the burger, yesterday went exactly as planned. I was very comfortable hanging at the cigar lounge, and I did pick up my salad from Salad to Go. I also had a couple meal replacement bars for eating throughout the day – I only ended up eating one of them – so the day was relaxing and satisfactory. I was not hungry, and I lost weight. Yes, I know… the weight that I lost was a combination of the travel weight and the salt weight. I am okay with that… I just wanted to lose any weight that I gained in California. I was 311lbs the morning I got onto the plane, and am now 311.8lbs. In another day or two I will be back to where I was, and that is a success. I have too many times gone on vacation and taken three weeks or longer (if ever) to lose the holiday weight.

    My plans for today are similar to yesterday in most facets except location. I will hang around the house while my wife works. I will go to Salad to Go to pick up lunch for us (I introduced her to them before we left for California, and she loved it), and will probably smoke cigars on the balcony while watching TV and reading. In the evening, we will have dinner with her son (likely tamales or chicken nuggets), but I do not think that will be a disaster for me. As I said, if I can lose that last .8lbs in a couple days, I’ll be satisfied. If I can get down to 309lbs before flying back to Canada in five days, well that would be an absolute home run! The day I came to Dallas, I weighed 319.4lbs. A ten-pound loss in just under a month would be excellent!

    My foot is still in pain. It is less pain, and hardly feels like gout. It is just like someone dropped a bowling ball on my foot a week ago… which to be clear, nobody did. I am starting to suspect it is muscle fatigue from a lot of driving on California freeways (and in California traffic) … although just three days ago, it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. It is improving every day… but there’s still a day or two to go before I fitness walk again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 263

    The Day of Disney was enjoyable, and while I did not stick to the plan, it could have been much worse. I had avocado toast for breakfast on my way there, then mid-afternoon Leslie’s son wanted pizza. My options were either non-kosher, or cheese pizza. Yes, I ate lousy pizza. Leslie (my biggest supporter) and I agreed that there were no better options.

    On my way home from the park, I decided to pick up chicken from El Pollo Loco. I seem to recall my ex-girlfriend loved the food there. I don’t understand it, but to each their own. It is not that it is bad, just… well, having eaten at Zankou this week, I know there are much better options.

    My step count was exceptional. I do not remember the final tally, and because I am in the air I cannot check. Aside from the park (which is a lot of walking to begin with), I decided to return my rental car last night, and then walked back to my hotel. Yes, for a regular fitness walker, the extra mile (quite literally) should not be a problem. However, when you are walking around on a foot that is in agony, it was a challenge.

    I confess, I also had a bag of chips last night. Bad Mitch! After doing so well at the park, the chips was not the worst thing in the world… but it was not good.

    At the park, I did have a bite of Leslie’s churro, and I also had three spoonfuls of the milkshake monstrosity they shared. By the way, four of us could have shared the thing and still been over our daily calories limit. I am glad I was able to restrain myself. The boy was hugely excited about the thing, but that’s why they sell them.

    My breakfast options at the airport were not great. Again, I opted to eat kosher-style, so a turkey avocado sandwich was my only option. That and a cup of coffee satisfied me nicely. In flight, I did have the cookies with my coffee, but only one (I usually ask for a second).

    Leslie was worried that I would not be eating the chicken legs & thighs that I have in the freezer today, but I gotta say that after nearly a week on the road, I am really looking forward to cooking my own food. I am probably meeting friends this evening, so when I am back from the airport it will be my midday meal.

    Oh, and I have a new friend. For the first time in a while, I brought a second carry-on bag with me, so my new R2 unit could comfortably fly with me. I’ll post pictures to Facebook when I am home.

    I expect I’ll have gained a couple of pounds this week, but it should not be disastrous. I am crossing my fingers though… if I stayed under 315lbs I’ll be happy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 262

    I did not sleep as long as I would have liked, but I did sleep very soundly. I really liked the bed I suppose. In a couple of hours I am heading to Anaheim to see my wife and her son at Disneyland, which will be a lot of fun. I just hope that I do not fall off the weight management program too badly. Tomorrow I am heading back to Dallas, which will be a relief for the simplicity of following the program. Even with the travel day, I am not nearly as worried about the airport and airplanes as I am of Disneyland.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 258

    It is weird to be back in Southern California; weirder still to be back at the Stonehaus, in my old stomping ground of Westlake Village. It’s almost like I never left, and haven’t been here in a thousand years.

    I was mostly (although not completely) good yesterday on my food intake. Firstly, I realized too late into my scrumptious dinner of rotisserie chicken and salad that the salad had feta cheese. I did not eat non-kosher on purpose, but I did.

    I also indulged in some dried fruit and peanuts, and thought I might pay for it on the scale, but I was extremely pleased to see that I lost nearly a pound. I think I have an irrational fear that any minor aberration from the program will sink me, which I know is not true. I’m working on it. As I have mentioned, there is a huge psychological component to weight loss, and I have not yet found the right balance between eating everything and eating nothing in my mind.

    It is great being out here and seeing all of my friends. Ok, I’ve only seen three of them so far, but it is still great. I’ll see many more before the week is done, and it is truly great. Friends are truly important, and even if you don’t see them often, when you do it is special.

    I do not know if I will be able to get any walks in this week. My schedule is pretty tight, but also because I am not somewhere I can easily come home and shower, it’s a pain. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Flying (mostly) Smart!

    I mentioned earlier today that I got to the airport several hours early, in light of my beautiful wife’s work schedule. That all of her morning meetings canceled, and that we could have spent an extra couple of hours together is not relevant to this story, other than to say I wish I could have spent more time with her, and that I love her and miss her already.

    As expected, I was through Security relatively quickly, and had a few hours to kill. I could have sat down at one of the restaurants, but decided instead to take a 2km walk through the airport. Yes, I walked the length of the Dallas-Fort Worth B Terminal… twice. Once that was done, I decided to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee. I also decided that rather than buying something to eat (as I normally would when I sit at a table near a food area), I sat with my coffee, and pulled out a meal replacement bar. Through two cups of coffee, this was my first smart move of the day.

    On the airplane, I did have the proffered cookies and pretzels, with a can of Coke Zero. Yes, I should have eschewed the cookies and pretzels, but if that is my worst transgression, then I am already ahead of the game. Instead of asking for another pack of those, I opted form my next meal replacement bar. It was, by then, after 2:00pm Central Time, and the timing was about right. By the time I land, I will be three meal replacements into the day, plus an airplane cookie and bag of pretzels.

    The problem with ‘when I land’ is that I am going back in time. I am landing in Pacific Time, so it will only be 2:15pm. Once I have my luggage and rental car, I am heading to Inglewood to have a cigar with a buddy. On the phone last night, he tried to convince me to stay for dinner. His wife Cecelia is a lovely woman and a fabulous cook, and I have enjoyed her cuisine before. I told Robert that I would have to leave before dinner, and that I would have to refuse their lovely and kind hospitality. We will have a cigar, but I will not eat. Yes, I might have to enjoy one more meal replacement bar on my way to Inglewood in order to give myself the strength to refuse again.

    I expect that my buddy Tam (with whom I am staying this week) will want to order chicken in for dinner. As long as it is just chicken and salad, I will gladly accept. I will call him as I leave Robert’s house to confirm this is his intention. In the event he wants to do something else, I will have to discuss my weight loss program with him. He is familiar with my issues, so I do not expect it will be a problem. He and I will enjoy another cigar this evening. Cigars will be a very common thread throughout this week.

    We have a little less than an hour left in the flight, and I suspect that I will not have any more temptations between now and then. If I do, I do have that last meal replacement bar that I was planning to eat on my way to Robert’s. I am trying to be good, and the fact that I did not pop into any of the stores to pick up a bag of chips or nuts or other snack at the airport is already a victory. Hopefully I can keep it up.

  • Day 257

    While I did not get any exercise yesterday, I still managed to walk 4,600 steps. That may be nothing compared to the previous day’s 23,000+ steps day, or even the ~13,000 steps that I take on a day when I do go for a fitness walk… but for a day when I am mostly sedentary and relaxing, it is not bad. Leslie received a package in her mailbox that was delivered to her by accident, and I jumped at the opportunity to go for a walk to search for the intended recipient. It was not a fitness walk, but I had gone to bed the previous evening having decided that I would not be fitness walking. All in all, 4,600 steps was just fine by me.

    The bathroom scale was forgiving this morning, despite my indulgences of French toast for brunch, and then chicken nuggets for dinner. It could have been much worse – I took Leslie and her son to Braum’s for ice cream, and I sat watching them indulge. I did not even take a taste, which might have brought down my defenses. Yes, I was happy to take them, and I was happy to sit and watch them enjoy. Had I taken just a taste, I might have broken down and monched my own cone. It did not hurt that they both picked flavours that are not among my favourites, but that just contributed to my will power!

    In about an hour, Leslie will drive me to the airport. Yes, today is a travel day, and I know I have to be much more aware of my intake than I was on my last travel day. Coming down to Dallas, I was terrible. Today, knowing that I do not have to pass through US Customs, I am much calmer, and do not have to worry about stress eating. I do have to be cognizant of opportunity eating, which in an airport terminal, where there is sweet little to do, is a real danger. To try to fight off the cravings, I will be taking a couple of meal replacement bars with me in my carry-on bag. There, I packed them. All done.

    I am going to miss my wife something terrible, but at least I will see her Saturday during the day. Yes, a day at Disneyland is once again another opportunity for hundreds of cheats, and I have to be careful there. Fortunately, I will be with my wife, and she is a very good influence on my weight management program.

    It is time to head for the airport. Leslie has a call that she cannot miss, so she is dropping me off early. That is fine… I will have a book, and I will just relax in the terminal.

    Have a great day folks! I’ll see you in California!

  • Day 256

    I slept very well last night, after yesterday’s monster walk. Leslie and I agree, however, that I pushed myself too far yesterday, and that I should dial it back a little bit. The way my legs are feeling (more last night than today, but still…) are a good indication that we are right about that. I should also mention that for the first time in my fitness walking journey, the insides of my thighs were chaffed last night, and required the application of baby powder. While that is not an indication of anything musculature, it is a reminder that when I plan a walk over 11km I should also take some precautionary measures.

    The numbers on the bathroom scale this morning were spectacular. Since the morning after I arrived in Dallas (ten days ago) I have lost ten pounds. I am thrilled by that, and even though I did not drop into the 310lbs range (I actually weigh 311lbs this morning), I am happy with another two-pound drop from yesterday. I know that type of progress will not be constant, but when it does happen, I am always going to celebrate it.

    This morning I prepared chocolate French toast for the family, but the boy decided he did not want any… likely as a passive aggressive protest against the man he sees as usurping his father’s place by his mother’s side. It is too bad, for too reasons. First, it was really tasty. Second, I ate what he did not. Rather than having a meal replacement, I had two and a half slices of French toast. Fortunately, I did not add syrup. That does not change the fact that the meal was not a smart one. I will do better the rest of the day. Of course, that will be contingent partly on Leslie’s son, who may decide that he wants us to bathe in deep-fried chicken shmaltz.

    I will not be fitness-walking today. I am taking the day off, and I will spend the entire day with the family. While the kid is mostly a good kid, he does his best to test the limits of his mother’s love. I understand better now why she often calls me with frayed nerves during her weeks with him. While it is easy for me to let his crap slide, I have been exposed to it for three days… she deals with it without any backup every other week. In short, this is just another reason why we need the State Department to let me move here sooner rather than later. His mother needs reinforcements!

    It is another beautiful day in Dallas, and looking at the forecast for Dallas and California it will be quite some time before I see another cloud or cold day. I am back in Canada two weeks today, and that might be it. The evenings are more comfortable than they were during the summer, but the daytime highs are still in the mid-eighties… and in California, the forecasted high temperatures from Tuesday through Friday range from 89° to 93° Fahrenheit. I am packing a couple pair of long pants and long-sleeve shirts (and a jacket) … but only because I have to go to synagogue for the holiday.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Push It!

    I was thinking, as I approached the last quarter-kilometre of my fitness walk today, that it was less than three months ago that I passed the exact same spot where I was today, and said ‘Wow, I can’t believe that I was able to finish five kilometres in such good time, with a pace of 10m54s per kilometre. I remember thinking to myself ‘I had better put on the brakes right here, stop my timer, and just take a relaxed pace back to the apartment. I really pushed myself today!’

    If I were to register a pace of 10m54s per kilometre today, I would consider it a terrible fail.

    I did push myself today, although I am still not hitting 8km, which in Canada is my bare minimum. I do not know if it is the heat (which today was nowhere near as prohibitive as it has been) or the humidity, or simply the fact that I do not know the area as well, and the routes I take are safer, but shorter. I do know that I am still proud of what I achieved today, and only wish I was carrying more water. Yes, I am worried that if I run out of water on a stretch of road where there is nowhere to buy another bottle of it, then I will end up panting my way back home. I finished my bottle as I came into the apartment today, 7.5km into the walk.

    • Distance: 7.5km (7km)
    • Duration: 1:13:40 (1:11:22)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9:49 (10:11)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m28s (9m33s)
    • Steps: 9.2k (8.7k)
    • Calories burned: 941 (857)
    • Elevation gain: 34 (27)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 126 (120)

    Today’s was the first walk in Dallas on which I have a total average pace under ten minutes. I am happy about that, and remembered along the way of one walk in mid-July when I was just hoping to finish seven kilometres in under 1h15m. While there is still the occasional walk when I do not achieve that pace, today was not one of them. These days, I try to keep ahead of 10 minutes per kilometre pace, which means that I will always be under 1h10m on the seven. Today I did it in 1h8m19s… not my record, but certainly a very respectable pace for me!

    I am glad that I am keeping active, and hope that I will be able to stay on track with my weight loss regimen. The holiday aside, I can definitely get back on track starting tomorrow. If I keep up my walking, there is no reason I should not be able to get back down below 315lbs by the weekend!

  • Day 247

    The bad news: I fell completely off the wagon yesterday, from the time I got to the airport until the time my flight landed. My weight this morning is back above 320lbs… although not by as much as I expected it would be.

    The good news: I am in Dallas with my baby, and all is right in the world. We went for Shawarma last night for dinner, and then we sat by the pool smoking cigars. It is so good to be back with her. Life is just better when we are together.

    After running some errands, I made us lunch today. The base was a salmon salad with light mayo and onions. For Leslie, I made a salmon melt on a challah roll with aged sharp cheddar. For me, I mixed it with vegetables and poured olive oil and balsamic vinegar on it. Not my best work, only because I was lazy. Had I done it properly, I would have made and dressed the veggie salad separately, and then put the salmon salad on top. Oh well, it still wasn’t bad.

    This evening, we are heading to the Cigars International lounge for an event. Of the three events that we are planning to go to there in the next month, tonight’s is the one I am least excited about. It will be a great event for sure, but the other two are really exciting. After the event, we will grab dinner, and then come home to light the Shabbat candles. All in all, it should be a good day. Why? Because I am back with my baby!

    Have a great day folks!