Losing a part of me

Category: Clothes

  • Day 293

    While I did have a (smaller than usual) handful of peanuts yesterday, I mostly stuck to the plan. I had a good day with regard to food intake. I wish my bathroom scale was not being wonky again. Yesterday and today I got two (or three) very different readings. Yesterday, they ranged from 305.6 to 303.2 lbs., while today they were 305.2 to 304 lbs. On both days I settled on the lower number, which means that in theory, today I gained nearly a pound. Knowing that yesterday was a doctor’s office day, I am less concerned by yesterday’s weight, and will gladly discard it, meaning that this morning’s 304.0 lbs. has be back in best-weight-yet territory.

    Yesterday was a good day for non-scale victories. First of all, I joined a gym. This will not be like my Los Angeles fitness club debacle, where I joined with my ex-girlfriend, and then for the nearly two years I was a member hardly ever went. No, I plan to go to the gym… a lot. I plan to go five times per week over the next few months. I am meeting today with my personal trainer (I bought a package of seven sessions and will work with her to develop a plan for going forward). Today’s meeting is just to discuss my goals, which I think are continued weight loss plus building muscles. I have never had (and do not really want) a body builder’s body, but it would be nice to have slightly larger muscles than I do.

    Today’s meeting with Kezi is only a consultation, and we will work out for the first time on Friday. For today, my plan is that after our meeting, I will hop on the treadmill for a good walk – maybe an hour or so – and then shower and sauna there. While I packed my workout bag last night, I realized this morning that I will need a sundries bag. I have one for travel, but I do not want to take that to the gym. Fortunately, it is the time of year when the pharmacy puts the kits on sale in preparation for Christmas, so I will pick one up before I go in. We are meeting at noon, which means that I will likely not be home before 3:00pm… and that my daily meal will have to wait until after that… and that I had better prepare for this by taking a protein bar or shake with me so that I do not spend three hours starving and with no energy.

    Last night I told Leslie of this plan, and she reminded me (in the strongest terms) that it has been a few weeks since I went for a fitness walk, and that I should take care to pace myself, and not hurt or injure myself as I go. On the one hand, she is a bit of a worrier. On the other hand, she has a point. I have come home from my fitness walk a few times with painful and blistered feet. While most often this was because I wore bad shoes, I still have to remember that I am a fifty-year-old man who is still fat, and I cannot push myself like I once could.

    I opened this entry with talk of non-scale victories. The first was joining the gym… although really, the victory will be when I am going to the gym on a regular basis, and not just handing them my credit card. The second was clothing related. Last week I mentioned that I accidentally put on a pair of Size 40 jeans, and that while they were tight, I thought that if my finger was not injured, I might be able to wear them. Last night while speaking with my wife I put them on, and indeed was able to button them up. This was huge for me, and while I will likely wait another week or two before wearing them, it is amazing to know that I can. What I should do is open up my storage bins and see what other Size 40 pants I have, and if they fit me yet. I might do that later today.

    I just finished chatting with my weight-loss buddy, who had her surgery yesterday. She is in good spirits and is quite impressed with the level of care there. I am very happy, because as I likely stated previously, I was worried about the tourism surgery issue. I am relieved that she is doing well.

    What else do I have to do today? I am running out of coffee, so there will be a trip to the supermarket on the calendar. As well, my bank card has been having issues, so I am going to go into the branch and see what is going on… and probably order a new card. I am also going to the pharmacy for a sundries kit. I should also put the empty propane tank into my car, and get it filled up – the petrol station where I can do that is just down the street from the gym, which is convenient. When I get home from the gym, I will have a mid-afternoon meal. I will take Princess Sophie for a walk in the evening. I do not think I have anything else planned for the day. I will relax in the evening. I do not know if the weather will be amenable to a cigar on the balcony, but I will think about that too.

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 287

    I gained weight this morning, but it was not a significant amount. .2lbs is what I would call a ‘margin of error’ gain. With that said, I did cheat yesterday. I had peanuts (which is not a daily thing but is not unusual). I also had dried apricots, and a couple of ounces of sharp cheddar cheese. It is a misconception that fruits are good for you. While they are healthy, they are also filled with sugar. Dried fruits are much worse, because the sugar is concentrated. While you might eat two or three fresh apricots, it is not difficult to eat a handful of dried ones (as I did… probably eight or ten of them). In other words, I ate the equivalent of ten apricots worth of sugar. Yes, that was a slip. It will not be a common one, but once in a while, I do like to treat myself to something sweet.

    The cheese was a craving that came out of nowhere. I don’t know why, but while I was sitting with Lyle yesterday, I decided I was really in the mood for a piece. I bought the smallest block of aged cheddar I could find and ate two small strips of it… probably 2-3 ounces… after paying the cheese tax to Princess Sophie… and her house guest, Mr. Charlie.

    I do not think that any one of those cheats would have prevented me losing some weight, but the three together resulted in a slight gain. My bad, and I will do better today! Yes, I still have the cheddar in the fridge, but I will not be devouring it on a regular basis.

    This morning, while I was getting dressed, I grabbed the wrong pair of jeans from my armoire. They were tight… I did not remember them being that tight! Because of my damaged and bandaged middle finger, I was not able to button the top button, so I took them off… only to discover that they are a Size 40. I have two identical pair (Levis 501) in a Size 42 (which I wear on a regular basis), and apparently a Size 40 (which was on the ‘hopefully next month’ shelf). While they were tight, I suspect that if my finger was not bandaged, I would have been able to squeeze into the Size 40 jeans. I am not ready to call that a non-scale victory just yet… but it is a good sign of progress!

    I mentioned over the last few days that I had a few days of constipation, and that yesterday it finally passed. I realized as I was speaking with Leslie last night that I could draw a direct line between not drinking enough water to having a stool too hard to pass. Drinking a lot of water is something that I should be doing every day, but I confess that I am often remiss on that. Saturday and Sunday I did not drink enough, so Sunday and Monday I was constipated. Monday, I drank a lot more, so Tuesday I was finally able to poop.

    I have no real plans for the day, except that I am going to try to pick up a Lego set that I spotted on Facebook Marketplace, which Leslie might like. That would take me to Hamilton, so I reached out to Lyle to see if he would be free. As of now he says he is likely busy, but he will let me know if that changes. Who knows? We might have a cigar three days straight leading up to their trip to Italy.

    I will try to be good today. I will have my regular lunch, and aside from that I will do my best to not veer from the path. Despite having cheese in the fridge, I will refrain. If I am out for a while and end up having a handful of peanuts, then let that be the worst transgression… and let me keep the size of the handful small!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 282

    I actually followed the program pretty well yesterday, save for a handful of peanuts. I cannot complain, knowing the stress and anxiety I am living with right now. I did not sleep very well, but none of my troubles are because of my weight management, which the bathroom scale showed me down .6lbs, putting me squarely back into the Best-Weight-Ever category. A few more days of this would be nice. Of course, knowing that I am taking my son the younger for dinner this evening might be a bump in the road, but I will do what I can.

    I am looking forward to saying the Sabbath prayers this evening. I am hoping that the request I usually make – to bring peace and joy into the hearts and minds of my loved ones – will extend to me this time. I certainly do not feel peace or joy in my mind this week.

    Three weeks from today, I will be anxiously preparing to drive to the airport to pick Leslie up. It truly does suck being apart. We are newlyweds after all, and we are supposed to be together. Don’t get me wrong, the time that we do spend together is magical… but the time apart is very difficult for both of us. It is harder on Leslie I suspect, for so many reasons… but it is very hard on me as well. I love her and I miss her, and I truly do count the hours until we are together.

    Plans have just changed a bit. I will be taking my son the younger for lunch instead of dinner. His schedule is very confusing… he slept all day yesterday so I could not take him for dinner last night, but he is… forget it; I do not understand what is going on, so I cannot explain it. Suffice it to say, I am going to take him for lunch. I do not know yet where he is going to want to eat, but I am betting it will be somewhere quite diet unfriendly. I will happily suffer to spend time with my son, not eating if I have to. I will take a meal replacement bar with me in case his choice makes it impossible for me to eat anything reasonable, and when I come home, I will make my meal. In the event we go somewhere I can only have a salad, then I will still come home and make my chicken.

    Leslie got a huge accolade from her company today, congratulating her for five years of employment. I am so proud that in the face of all that she went through, she was able to come out the other side, be accepted back at the company as a full-time employee again, thrive. It is hard for any woman to succeed in the technology field; how much harder for a woman who has been kept down at home too. I will never do that to her. I will boost her up and celebrate her successes and laud her accolades. She deserves each one because she works so hard for them!

    I bought a shirt on Facebook Marketplace yesterday. It is a long sleeve cold-weather workout shirt that is from the same company as one that I used to have, but the colour is much nicer… not to mention it does not have a giant black ink stain on it. Fashion aside, it is a size XL (the old one was a XXL) … and I bought it without trying it on, knowing that it might be tight. It fits perfectly. Even three months ago I would have never bought a shirt without trying it on… especially not in a size that I had not fit into at all recently! In other words, another non-scale victory!

    I did have my meeting with my diet buddy last night. She is so excited and so scared about her upcoming surgery. I am not sure if I am more worried about the major surgery, or about the fact that she is flying to Mexico (and Tijuana of all places) to have it done. I have considered having a dental crown done in Cuba, but that’s a tooth… not invasive surgery. I am going to say a few extra prayers for her. We have one more meeting before she flies, and I am glad that I can be an outlet for her anxiety. She referred to it last night as ‘buyer’s remorse’ but I do not think that is what it is. She is scared, and that is understandable.

    Okay, I want to do my daily Torah studies before I head out and pick up my son. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 278

    Another mostly good day to report. Yes, I did have some pop chips, which are not exactly on the program, but which are also not the worst transgression I could make. Aside from that, I was on track. I had a pretty good lunch, a couple of meal replacements in the afternoon and evening. I relaxed most of the day, which is to say that I sat on the balcony, smoking cigars, and watching James Bond movies. I did not go for a walk. I am having trouble getting my heinie in gear again. However, I have decided that I will join the gym this week. That will motivate me!

    I did not go to the doctor’s office to get weighed last week because I was teaching. Unlike a couple of previous times, I did not have the time to give the students labs and tell them I would be back in an hour. I was way behind on my schedule, and I did the right thing in not trying to fit that in. As such, I am going today. Normally, I like to go before I have had a morning meal replacement (or even coffee), but I did not make the call to schedule my visit until this morning, so they want me to come in at 11:15am. Okay, I can do that. On my last weigh-in, I was at 143.5kg. I am skeptical that I might drop below 140kg, but that would be amazing! Frankly, even if I weigh 140.5, I will be pleased.

    Yesterday was a massive day for non-scale victories. I was thinking about how I feel about myself and decided that I wanted to check in to see how close I am to fitting into my custom-tailored suits and shirts from five years ago. I was floored when I realized that not only did the shirts fit, but they were not even tight! The buttons were not pulling at all! I tried while I was on the phone with Leslie. She watched, and we celebrated! My sports jacket from that time is tight, but wearable. What does all of this mean? Aside from being a huge NSV, it means that when Leslie comes to town in a few weeks, I will be able to take her out wearing a suit that fits! Whatever bad thoughts I have had, this really perked me up and gave me the motivation to keep going. My next goal is for these suits and shirts to not fit me anymore because they are too big… but that is still a long way away.

    The more I succeed, the more I realize I can succeed. At this point, it is extremely likely that 2022 will be the year I lost 100lbs. What would be amazing, and I think this will be my ultimate goal for the year, would be to lose 50kg in the year. That converts to 110lbs, which means that I am still about 22lbs away from it, with a little over two months to go. Of course, in those two months we have the holidays, which means that temptations will be everywhere. We also have the coming of winter, when I will no longer be eager to head outside to walk (hence, joining the gym, which I might even do today). Can I lose 22lbs in that time? I don’t know… but I am going to try my best!

    I am off to the doctor’s office for my weigh-in. I will continue to write when I am home, if only to report back on my progress!

    Weight: 140 kg (down 3.5 kg, down 37.25kg overall)

    A weight loss of 3.5kg in 39 days? I could certainly have done better. How about in 39 days that included a month on the road (between Dallas and Southern California) where I was tempted to eat more and worse every day, despite the encouragement not to by my lovely wife? How about throwing into those 39 days another week of weather-related sadness and work-related stress and anxiety? I think we can change the first sentences of this paragraph to read: ‘A weight loss of 3.5kg in these 39 days? I could certainly have done much worse!’ In short, I will take it!

    I should also remind myself that I did not weigh in first thing in the morning, before meal replacements and coffee. We should also point out that today’s was the first weigh-in since June that I wore long pants and not shorts. Those two factors could easily account for another kilogram. One way or the other, I am making progress. I am down, and I am happy about it. Earlier in the article, I mentioned that if I weighed 140.5kg then I would be happy. I beat that by an entire half kilogram. Woohoo!

    It is time to continue on with my day. I went to the supermarket and picked up tomatoes and celery to add to my salads, and I have chicken in the air fryer. After that, I suppose I will enjoy a cigar on the balcony before heading over to the pharmacy to get my Covid-19 booster and my flu shot. Who knows? I might even walk over there.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 269

    Yesterday went exactly as I expected that it would. I had a meal replacement shake for breakfast, leftover Mexican food for lunch, and Italian food for dinner. The only real cheat in there was the dessert that my wife and I shared… a decadent piece of cake with a canoli on top (which she insisted I have). It was only because of that I was concerned that when I got onto the scale this morning I might be disappointed… but I was not. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised. Wednesday I was in best-ever territory, before giving back a little over 1.5lbs over the next couple of days. I am back to within .2lbs of where I was, and that is a good feeling.

    As we were getting dressed for the event yesterday, I decided to try to put on one of the new belts that I bought last month, which did not come close to fitting then. It was tight, but I was able to wear it. I am calling that another huge non-scale victory. I doubt it will fit with every pair of pants that I own, but if it works with some then I am happy by the minor progress.

    Another victory, and it is partially connected to the scale, is that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is under 40. In fact, it has, over the past two weeks, registered under 40 on five days, not surprisingly the five days when my weight was at or under 311lbs. The best that it has ever been was 33.4 on September 27, 2020… my best day from my last weight loss journey. It is disheartening to realize that even with all of my progress this time around, I am still fifty pounds heavier that I was then, and that it might take me another five months to get there.

    I know that weight loss is a marathon and not a sprint, and there is no healthy (and non-surgical) way to lose weight quickly. I just wish I thought I could do the full program completely (meal replacements only, no food at all) for a couple of months and drop it all… but I do not think I would be able to do it. I am worried that I would, as I always have, fallen off the wagon… hard. No, slow and steady is my best course to long-term success. I know that, and I plan to follow that… I just don’t have to be happy about that.

    Our plans for today have changed. We were originally going to drive out to Cigars International again for the event, but after yesterday’s Davidoff event (which was a real bust), we decided to stay closer to home. I am a member of a cigar lounge that is a five-minute drive from the house, and we will have just as good a time on the patio there as we would on the patio of the lounge at CI, which is a bit of a schlep. The staff told us what we could expect from the Oliva event today, and frankly there is nothing that will tempt me. Had we gone out there, we would have had to buy a couple of boxes of cigars to make it worth our while, and truthfully, I don’t mind spending the day at Addison. It is just more of a homey feeling to it.

    My goal for today is to relax with a few cigars, and to eat reasonably smart. I had a meal replacement for breakfast; we might have salads for lunch, but that will be up to Leslie. Dinner tonight will be our last dinner together for this trip, which is sad… but at least we know that in just over a month, she will be coming to Canada for ten days. With that said, I am not looking forward to flying back to Canada tomorrow.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 268

    I knew that after a few days of tremendous weight loss, I would be adjusting for a couple of days. The only thing I am looking forward to about being back in Canada is the boring normalcy of my regimen… I will not be traveling, I will not be going to restaurants, I will not be going to cigar lounges where the host insists I try a dram of Irish whiskey to give my opinion on a particular pairing. I will not be invited to backyard barbecues where I am fed liberal quantities of carne asada.

    I was speaking with Leslie yesterday, and lamented how nice it would be if by the time she arrived in Canada next month I could fit into my 2017 suits. I know that will be an amazing non-scale victory, but I also tie it to a scale victory… about the same time I drop below 300lbs, I should be able to fit into those suits and shirts. I remember that the first time I wore one of them to synagogue services in 2020, I was around 296lbs. Leslie loves wearing dresses, and I would love to dress up in a nice tailored suit to accompany her. I do think I look pretty good wearing my custom-tailored pants and sports jacket (which I had made in March, and then tailored down in August), but there is something special about a suit… and while I do have ‘fat suits,’ I do not ever want to wear one of them again. I want to wear clothes that make me feel like I deserve to walk into a room with my wife, and not look like Fat Albert.

    Yesterday went almost, but not exactly the way I expected it to. Both Leslie and I completely forgot about the leftovers, and I went to pick up salads for us for lunch from our favourite drive-thru salad place. I do want to state, for the record, that it feels really weird to have a favourite drive-thru salad place, but that is a conversation for another time. For dinner, we did go for Chinese food, and while I did make a bad choice, and ate more than I should have, I did not really overdo it. However, I do know better than to have the sweet and sticky Szechuan sauces. Next week, I will eat much better, but today and tomorrow I am going to enjoy dinner with my wife!

    I have a lot of work to do this morning, and I have a 12:30pm meeting about a class that I am teaching next week. Before that meeting, Leslie and I will sit down for a lunch of leftovers – I’ll finish off the Mexican food, and she will attack the Chinese food. After my meeting, we are going to the Davidoff event at Cigars International, because that is far and away Leslie’s favourite brand of cigars. I will find time between this and that to shower and dress up, as it will be a fun and special dress-up outing for both of us. After the event, we will likely have a nice dinner around that area.

    After dinner last night, Leslie got the confirmation email that my laptop has shipped, and will be here in time for me to take it back to Canada. I am quite happy about that, as it means that as soon as I get home, I can advertise this laptop for sale. While the two devices are reasonably similar in specs (both Core i7 processors with 16gb of RAM), the new one is 15” (this one is 13”), and most importantly – the reason I actually decided to buy it – the new one will be under warranty. With the amount of travel I do, I consider that a huge benefit. For the last year, I have been using a laptop that is not under warranty, and while I am not doing the same amount of travel I once did, it still has 15,000 miles on it – which includes three round-trips from Toronto to Dallas, one round-trip from Dallas to California, and several road trips from Toronto to Montreal. I am hardly concerned when it is sitting on my desk, but a laptop in motion always has the potential to break. In short, new laptop = geek-out fun!

    You can tell that autumn is in the air, even in Dallas. Last night, Leslie and I sat out on the balcony with a cigar and a beverage. While it was not cool enough that I thought to put on long sleeves, it was definitely not hot enough to worry about my wife being uncomfortable. Yes, she much prefers the cool weather to the hot. I can only imagine the shock to my system when I arrive back in Canada…

    My diet buddy and I had our weekly check-in yesterday, and she told me more about her decision to have the surgery. I am going to continue to try to support her, although I suspect that she might decide later on that she needs someone that can relate to her experience. We will see.

    While it might get cooler this evening, the forecast high today is 86° Fahrenheit, which will be quite warm. I will not wear my sports coat in the car on my way to the event. As I mentioned, I have some work to do this morning, which I guess I should get at.

    Have a great day everybody!

  • Day 244

    I thought I did pretty well yesterday, although I did have some goldfish crackers – the last of them. Unless I go shopping for treats, I have no more temptations in the pantry that I can think of. I have no further need to shop – I went to the supermarket last night to pick up an onion and to collect my dry cleaning. I want to be able to wear those suits in a month; unless I stay on track, that is unlikely to happen. So, I will stay on track.

    Yesterday, I bought my ticket for Disneyland. There are not a lot of options for getting discounts, and rather than spending excessing time on this, I decided to just pay full boat. I am disappointed that my friend will be out of town – his wife works for the company, and they could have signed me in for free. I am really looking forward to it though – Leslie and her son are worth it!

    There is no rain in the forecast for today, and that means I will head out for a good walk. There are a few reasons for this, not the least of which are the consequences I mentioned a day or two ago. In truth, I am still trying to make fitness walking habitual. I am long past the stage when I worried if I was able to walk well, and most of the time when I embark on a fitness walk, I am going to try for a certain distance (almost always in excess of 8km). However, I have still not become addicted to it. I still have to say to myself on any given day, ‘Okay, I should go for a walk. This is what time I am going, and this is the route that I will take.’

    I really want fitness to be part of my nature that I just go. I want it to be an addiction. Of course, it will never be that simple… as it will never be as simple for me to lose and keep off all of my excess weight. I think, really I know that I will always have to work at these things. I have to admit that I was never a fitness junkie, which probably would have made a lot of things in my life much easier. If I had been, I likely never would have gotten to where I am. It is a sad realization maybe, but it is an honest one. Guys in my unit would wake up, roll out of their bunks, and be doing pushups before they even peed. I would always grumble something about coffee, even though I was in just as good shape as they were. I have never loved it… I just always knew it was good for me, and important to do. For far too many years, I ignored it. Wisdom comes with age, and at fifty years old I know that I can never ignore fitness, just like I will never be able to eat without thinking. That is a very certain recipe for failure, and I do not want that.

    Aside from my walking, I will likely stay pretty close to home today. If he were around, I might invite my son the elder for a drink; he is on the west coast with friends, so that’s a non-starter. I might reach out to a friend to see if they want to sit and chat, but I suspect that Lyle is busy preparing for his aunt’s visit. We’ll see.

    Speaking of my son (and his absence), I am going to have to get an Uber to take me to the airport on Thursday. That’s usually an opportunity to see my boy, but with his not being in town, I am deprived of that option.

    As it turns out, Lyle is free for a cigar. After my walk I’ll have lunch around 1:00pm, and then drive over there for a couple of hours. I do not plan to make it a late night – or even evening – because I am going to do laundry this evening, so that tomorrow afternoon everything that I want to take to Dallas (and of course to California) will be clean. I won’t pack tonight, but I will try to fold and organize everything.

    I was speaking with Leslie this week, and I told her that I am going to bring a lot of my summer clothes and just leave them there. After all, by the time I am back (October 16) it is a safe bet that the short-pants weather will be behind us for the season. When she asked if I won’t need them in the spring, my initial response was that I could bring them home in time for that. When I gave it some thought, I was happy to tell her that if all goes according to plan, all of the shorts that I am wearing now will be too big for me by the spring, and I will need new ones anyways. Despite the bumps along the road (like this past couple of weeks), my goal is to be down another fifty pounds by next spring… if not more. Leslie agrees that if I am able to accomplish that, it will be a pleasure to have to buy new shorts!

    I have procrastinated enough. It is time for me to hit the trails. I am not sure now steady my knees feel, so I am going to plan for an 8km walk, with the option to extend it if I am feeling up to it. I will walk through the park to Appleby Line, up to Dundas Street, then back down. If I am feeling ambitious at that point, I can continue down to Mainway for the extra couple of kilometres. We’ll see. For now, I am going to start by suiting up and heading out.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 230

    As I gushed with Leslie yesterday about the massive weight loss I achieved over the previous day, I did tell her that I was resigned to the fact that I knew that I would be giving some of that back today. Nonetheless, I ate well yesterday. I did not veer from my normal weight management program, enjoying three meal replacements and one meal throughout the day. I also went for a great record-breaking walk. All this to say that as I lay in bed last night, I was still holding out home in my secret heart that I might actually hold my weight. After stepping onto my scale this morning, I realized I had not held it. Indeed, I was down… nearly another full pound.

    Dropping below the 315 lbs threshold was an amazing way to start my day, but again I am not going to hold my breath that it will hold. Fortunately, I will not be weighing myself again until Monday, when I am back from Montreal. My hope is that I will maintain my current weight over the five-day trip; hoping to actually lose weight is more than I will hope for.

    I chatted for a few moments yesterday with one of the organizers of a party that I am going to on Saturday. I asked what foods would be served, mostly because I do not want to be at a party that only serves non-kosher foods, but also because I suspected there might not be any healthy options for me. I was okay on the first, but from what I can tell, there will not be a lot of diet-friendly foods available. I will do my best to stick to my meal replacements, but I also know that if I have a little bit of bad foods in moderation then it will not be the end of the world. It will give me incentive to try to be good the rest of the week… and even if I am, I cannot hope to succeed if I go overboard. My goal is to not go overboard.

    We are less than a month from the Yom Kippur holiday. It is a day when we spend the day in synagogue praying and asking G-d’s forgiveness. Last year, I attended services online. I just do not have a connection to the Jewish community where I live, whereas I have a very close one to the community in California, where I used to live. That is where I was two years ago, and that is where I will be for Yom Kippur this year. I was thinking this morning how nice it would be if I could attend services weighing 305 lbs. Two years ago, I weighed 260 lbs when I attended. I know that was a fateful and terrible day for my diet – it was the day that my steady weight loss came to an abrupt halt, and my fall into failure began. It started with a cookie and a shot of tequila. That will not happen this year.

    I doubt that I will be able to comfortably attend services wearing the same suit I wore then, but I do plan to wear that suit just a few weeks later. There is a picture of me from 2020, coincidentally at the synagogue, wearing that suit for the first time in three years. I remember clearly weighing 298 lbs and being thrilled that I was able to wear it. If all goes well, Leslie is coming to Canada for American Thanksgiving, and I would like to take her out to dinner wearing that suit. I love looking good for her, and I happen to know that she has a bit of a thing for a well-dressed man. For the first time in a couple of years I feel that I am within reach of being able to be that. I always did it for myself – I quite enjoy putting on a suit and tie – but this time I want to do it for her. She deserves me looking my absolute best.

    It is about time for me to pack up and drive to Montreal. I will be there several days, and again I have to remember that my fitness walking must be a regular part of my daily routine. I am packing several sets of workout clothes, and because it is September in Canada, I recognize that this will require several permutations, including shorts and long training pants, and long sleeve shirts as well as short sleeves. What a pain. At least the drive will be mostly relaxing… I have no deadlines to hit, so I can stop and smell the roses as it were. After an hour on the phone with the Quebec Ministry of Justice, I think I have submitted my request for my divorce certificate properly, but again, it is Quebec… so who knows? I am taking my passport and birth certificate, just in case I get a notice that I am missing a … I don’t know what.

    If all goes well with that, the next few days will be a lot more relaxing and enjoyable than I originally suspected they might be, and I will be able to just chill, walk, and enjoy the company of friends.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 225

    I did not get nearly as good night’s sleep last night as I had been getting sleeping next to my wife. I do not think it is that the air in Dallas is somehow cleaner, I just suspect that I am more at ease sleeping with her. I suppose for the next three weeks I will have to put up with it. I did not really have trouble falling asleep, but I was up a couple of times in the night. That, before Princess Sophie decided at 6:45am that it was time for us to get out of bed.

    She did allow me to complete my bathroom rituals in peace, although I was… unproductive. Yes, it is an unpleasant topic, but when discussing weight management, bowel movements are occasionally something we have to mention. I will not write off the poopless morning to travel, nor to food – I ate yesterday. I just could not. Maybe later today, and if not, then there is always tomorrow.

    Speaking of travel and food, let’s review what I ate yesterday. The morning started with a meal replacement shake. At the airport, knowing that they would not be selling food on my flight, I bought a (small) can of Pringles, which I did end up supplementing with two bags of airplane pretzels. When I arrived home (later than anticipated, due to delays on the airplane, followed by my son forgetting to collect me, so I needed to wait for a taxi), I almost immediately went to the supermarket, where I picked up my salad fixings, chicken to prepare for dinner, and milk for my coffee. I also found (to my delight) that they had Salt and Vinegar Goldfish crackers, which have been missing from the store shelves (with no explanation) for eight or nine months. I like them, Leslie loves them. I bought five bags of them.

    I prepared my chicken and salad for dinner (while I will be back to my regular timing today, yesterday’s meal was the same old), and then decided to splurge. I opened one of the bags of Goldfish and ate a couple of handfuls. I will, over the next week or so, likely finish that pack… I will not be opening any of the others, which are all going to Texas with me for my beloved. I sat outside with a cigar, and as I prepared for bed, I had one last meal replacement shake to curb my hunger.

    With the cheating I did yesterday, I was expecting that my weight would be at least slightly up this morning. Not so, I was actually down 2/10ths of a pound. I do not know if I was truly excited, but I was certainly relieved that after traveling and with my cheating that I did not gain weight.

    Today is the first day of September, and while autumn does not start until the 21st, I have always seen the 1st of September as a boundary. We have crossed over from the completely summer month of August into the soon-to-be-fall month of September. As a kid, school would start around now. The weather traditionally starts to turn now… or at least, that is what it always felt like. I checked the weather before dressing to take Her Floofness for her walk, and was surprised to see that it was sunny and 55° Fahrenheit (12.5° Celsius), meaning I not only had to wear long pants (which I was wearing during the day when I was teaching, but I have not worn otherwise in weeks), I would also have to wear some sort of upper ware to reinforce my golf shirt.

    I thought about a hoodie, but opted to go into my front closet instead, where without thinking I pulled my Taekwondo vest, pulling it on and zipping it up. As we hit the trail, it occurred to me that the last time I tried the vest on (Day 96) was when Leslie resewed the patch on for me, and it did not come close to fitting me. There was easily over an inch between the zipper sides. While it is a little tight, it zips up without any issues. This is a huge non-scale victory for me!

    Speaking of that, I renewed my membership to Taekwondo Ontario today for another year. I also reached out to Taekwondo Canada to find out where I can purchase gear, including new patches. I do not think I want to replace my current patch, only because it has the old name of the organization on it (World Taekwondo Federation has been renamed World Taekwondo – WTF has become WT), and I like having WTF on my uniforms and vest.

    I was thinking about sizes as Her Floofness and I walked. I remember more than twenty years ago I starred in an amateur play, and the man in charge of wardrobes made a comment to the effect that ‘fat men do not wear their pants right – you wear it all the way under your belly, when normal people wear them around their navel.’ Judgmental much? Anyhow, the thought was that because I do indeed wear my pants under my belly, which means that I am wearing a Size 40, despite having a waist that is about 56” around the belly. I am thrilled, by the way, to see that I have lost about 7” in the belly… but because I do not wear my pants there, I do not actually know (until I pull out the tape measure) how much I have lost there. It is only when I try on clothes that did not previously fit me that I can really see the difference… and when I do, I am very happy with it.

    It is turning into a beautiful day. My friend Eduardo is coming over in the afternoon, both for me to look at his computer, and to have a cigar. It will be good to see him again, especially since I know he has been going through a lot and needs a friend. Also, while I would rather not be working on his computer, I would rather do it here than at his house… my allergies have been kicking my butt today, and I do not want to add his cat’s dander to the pollen.

    Have a great day folks! I am going to try to take a nap.

  • Day 216

    I confess, it is much easier to state your resolve to stick to the plan than it is to actually stick to the plan. That is how I ended up here, a day before my trip to Dallas (as well as my weigh-in with the doctor’s office) about 3.5-pounds heavier than my lowest weight from just a few days ago. I am glad that after cheating yet again yesterday, I did not gain any weight… although I did not lose any either. Days like yesterday need to be avoided… or at least minimized as much as possible.

    Yes, I finished the rotisserie chicken for dinner (in addition to having my regular chicken meal at lunch). I also had a cookie. No, I did not exercise. Yes, I know this all amounts to not losing weight this morning. I have to stick to the mantra that today I will do better.

    My plans for today are actually quite conducive to doing better. I have a dentist appointment to repair a cracked filling at lunchtime, so I will not be eating as usual. My class starts doing their end-of-class assessment at 3:30, at which point I will prepare my regular meal. I plan to go to Taekwondo in the evening. When I get back from Taekwondo, I will take a shower, and then have my evening meal replacement shake. If all goes well, I will only have two shakes and one meal, plus two consecutive Taekwondo classes, which should bode well for a decent weigh-in result tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping!

    Last night I collected my clothes from the tailor, and before bed I tried all of them on (under the admiring supervisory eye of my gorgeous wife). I was very worried that they would not come out well, but they did. I will easily get another three months out of them… not that I will have a lot of need for them. They are now all packed in my suitcase’s garment bag ready to go to Dallas, where they will stay for a bit. I am only there for a week, but I will be back there three weeks later, in time for the Jewish holidays. I will spend Rosh Hashana in Dallas (and hope I can find a local synagogue to attend), and Yom Kippur in Westlake Village (with my California congregation). In the three weeks that I will be back in Canada, I cannot foresee any even for which I would need to dress fancy.

    Today is the last day of my class, although there are a few more days of answering questions for the students. It will be a more relaxed few days… more so that I will be in Dallas with my wife! It has truly been too long. As I told her the other night, I am sick of rectangles, and need to hold her in the RFZ again.

    Have a great day folks!