Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 314

    Leslie went home yesterday, and I am very sad. Last night when I got home (after a stop-over to see a buddy and have a cigar) I ate my feelings. Most of what I ate was not bad for me, but the quantity of what I ate was. I should also point out that I had a steak for dinner because the chicken would have taken far too long to defrost. I did defrost the chicken for today, and I will resume my regular meal plans going forward.

    I am not sure how much weight I gained between September 2021 and January 2022, but it is clear that the apex of my weight during the last fifteen months since I bought my bed would also be the heaviest I have ever been – just under four hundred pounds. This is relevant because very early on in my ownership of the bed I noticed that it was losing its structural integrity along the sides – where I would sit on the bed to put my shoes on, for example. With a fifteen-year warranty on the bed and mattress, I decided yesterday that it was time to make that call. I spoke with the customer representative, and she sent me a link to submit photos of the damage. I did that this morning, and within a few days I should find out that they will be sending me a new mattress. Yay. Now that I am ninety pounds lighter than my maximum, I am reasonably confident that I will not be having the same issues with my new mattress. If I do… well, I will go through the same process again, in another forty to fifty pounds.

    Dropping Leslie off at the airport is always painful for me. I miss her so much, and aside from my binging on food last night, I also did not sleep very well. It took me an hour and a half of lying in bed to realize that I should take a melatonin gummy. During her visit I do not think I had a problem falling asleep once. We have to find a way to expedite our living together. The whole ‘It’s going to take another year’ thing is painful.

    My plans for today are to get back on my weight management program. That’s it. Nothing else. Well, my house cleaner is coming today as well, so I will stay out of her way and let her do my thing. Aside from that, I have nothing going on. I might watch a football match in the afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 313

    I was shocked to get on the scale this morning to discover I am three pounds down from what I weighed the first morning Leslie arrived. The surprise is from the fact that I have not been on my program. I have not been going overboard, but I have not been sticking to it. There were only three days when I did not have a meal replacement shake for breakfast, including today; this morning was the only time we went out for breakfast, but we have eaten out several meals over these ten days. While we did not eat out last night, I prepared a spaghetti and meat sauce for us, which is absolutely not on the program… but it was good. Three pounds down… truly the best I could have hoped for, especially since I was expecting to be five pounds up.

    Today is a very sad say, knowing that after lunch I will be driving Leslie to the airport. We are starting the countdown to her next visit, another thirty days. It breaks my heart knowing that we will be apart for that long, and I know it pains her as bad if not worse.

    Over those thirty days, it is my intention to stick to my weight loss routine. I will be doing much less (and hopefully no) cheating than I have been doing. Additionally, I will be hitting the gym several times per week. I will make sure I am doing a mixture of cardio (mostly on the treadmill) and muscle building (mostly with the machines). I know that these are a good combination to help me to lose weight. I will make sure to eat healthy proteins after, as well as a small amount of carbohydrates before each workout. I will be mindful of my knee, but the knowledge that my problems there were caused by gout and not by an injury means that I will be able to ramp up to a good level quicker than if I had to baby that leg.

    While I am not counting my weight as a victory (nor as a loss), I do have one non-scale victory to report. This morning I was able to squeeze into my Levi’s 501 Size 40 jeans. You may remember that a few weeks ago – a couple of days after slicing open my finger – I tried to wear them by accident and thought I might have been able to close the top button if I had use of my finger. Today they are tight, and it did take me a couple of tries to secure that top button, but they fit, and I am wearing them comfortably. Owing to the smaller waist of the pants, I am also wearing my Size 40 belt that I was not able to wear before. Woohoo!

    After dropping Leslie at the dreaded airport, I will meet Eduardo to watch Uruguay in the World Cup. He is a huge fan, and knowing that Canada has no chance to advance, I will support his team to defeat Portugal. Yes, I am officially supporting Argentina, but I can also get behind my buddy’s squad. After the match, we will likely go to his house for a cigar. I wish I could spend the afternoon and evening with my wife. The countdown’s on.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 312

    Yesterday was a very relaxing day for us. I prepared an omelette for breakfast, and we shared the leftover challah roll from the previous evening’s Shabbat blessings. I then enjoyed a cigar on the balcony in the morning as Leslie sat knitting. We did not need the heater on which is impressive for November 26 in this part of the world. We took a very relaxing afternoon nap together, which is something we both enjoy tremendously!

    We spent the evening at Lyle and Dorothy’s, together with Rob and his wife Pippa. It was a lovely evening, and as always, the food was spectacular… even though both Lyle and Dorothy were not pleased with the presentation of their parts of the meal. Just sitting and socializing was nice, but the food (and the dessert) was quite tasty!

    After charging it the previous evening, I forgot to don my fitness watch in the morning, so my long walk with Princess Sophie did not get registered. If that is the worst thing that happened in a day, then I am considering it a win! I do not care that Garmin thinks I only walked 2500 steps in a day… we know better!

    Today is Leslie’s last full day in town. Tomorrow afternoon I have to drive her to the airport, and we will be facing yet another month-long separation, which is always hard for both of us. I am glad that she will be back in time to welcome in the New Year, but our time apart keeps getting harder and harder. I pray that in the new year, the Department of State will finally see fit to approving my spousal visa so that we can live together forever.

    On tap for today… not much. I think we are going to have a fairly quiet day close to home. If there is anything that we decide to do then we will, but our main focus will be on being together and maximizing our time together. The forecast calls for a high of 6° Celsius, and for rain much of the day. We have plenty of food in the house, both ready to prepare and leftovers, so unless there is something that really piques her fancy, we will likely eat in.

    Tomorrow afternoon I will with a heavy heart drive my wife to the airport, and then I will drive to Milton to hang out with Eduardo. He bought a mezuzah, and I will hang it for him and say the proper blessings for that. Tuesday morning, I will start my new regimen of going to the gym nearly every day. No, I will not commit to going every day, but most days. Now that my concerns about my knee (as well as the excruciating pain) are behind me, I can get into beast mode. No, I am not going to push myself too hard… but I will be combining aerobic and anaerobic exercises to get my slimmer body back into shape. I will also, after the leftovers are gone, be going back onto my religious food intake program that I was doing so well with… and there will be no cheating for the entire month that Leslie is in Dallas. I am relieved that the weight that I gained during my knee issues and her visit has been minimal, and I look forward to attacking that best-weight-ever territory again… once I have lost about six pounds. My food intake and my workout regimen will make that a reality, and while the 50 kg year is looking more and more unlikely, the 100 lbs. lost in the year is still very much on the table. It is important to set goals in my weight loss. It is also important to remember them every time I am tempted to cheat.

    I am going to see if Leslie is awake, and if she is not then I will sit on the balcony with a cigar. If she is awake, I will spend more quality time with her. She needed the rest, so I let her sleep in (and prevented Princess Sophie from interrupting that as well).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 311

    Friday was a perfectly normal day in the Garvis household. Leslie and I did some shopping in the morning, and then in the afternoon she took a nap while I relaxed next to her. I have been experiencing a minor discomfort in my torso; it is not a stomach issue, rather in the muscles around my back and into my sides. It is nowhere near the level I would need to even speak with a doctor, much less make an appointment to go see one. Still, it is there, and I will pay attention to it.

    After waking from her nap, Leslie prepared her special chicken salad, which I look forward to trying today. You see, after the preparation it must sit for twelve hours, so I did not even get a taste of it. I am eager to though and will report back tomorrow on how wonderful it is. We decided to add one ingredient to a small portion of the salad, and so one of the containers will have dill in it.

    For lunch we picked up food from the prepared foods section of the supermarket. Leslie opted for pasta salad and a couple of meat balls. I chose a Thai chicken curry soup which was scrumptious! For dinner we had Chinese food, which will likely be my last really bad cheat meal before going back onto the program. Of course, there are leftovers of that and the Italian food, so those will be eaten before they go to waste.

    As will always be the case after indulging in Chinese food, my weight was up slightly this morning. Was it worth it? I do not know. I think Leslie’s Lemon Chicken was, but my General Tao Beef probably was not. There is a huge container of leftovers in the fridge, and I strongly suspect that most of the beef will end up going into the bin.

    Leslie is sad that we only have two more days together before she returns to Dallas on Monday. I am trying to keep that out of my mind, and just enjoy our time together. For the next two days we still get to sit together, laugh together, go to sleep and wake up together. It is difficult, but I try to focus on that… and not what will be after Monday’s dreaded drive to the airport.

    This evening we are going to Lyle and Dorothy’s for the Thanksgiving meal that was aborted Thursday because of Lyle’s health. We are both nervous that Lyle will be overdoing things less than two weeks after suffering a stroke. We have voiced our concerns to Dorothy, and she promises us that she is doing most of the work. I think we cannot help but to be concerned about our friend. We told them that we are really looking forward to seeing them, but take-out fast food would be fine with us, whatever would require the least effort on his part. In any event, I am sure it will be a lovely evening; however concerned we are, he is a big boy who will decide for himself what he can and cannot do.

    The weather forecast says it will be sunny with a high of 11° Celsius today, which means there is a good chance that Leslie and I will be enjoying a cigar on the balcony before we head to Hamilton. We have a couple of minor errands to run along the way. We will make a pit stop at Bulk Barn to collect some peppermint hot chocolate powder for her to take home with her, and we have to stop in at Pet Smart – or another pet store – because Princess Sophie broke her name tag yesterday. We have nothing else planned for the day, only to be together and to enjoy being together. It is a gift that we appreciate so much more for our long and frequent separations.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 310

    My diet buddy had to cancel yesterday’s meeting for professional reasons. She is a teacher in a school and was acting principal yesterday. There was an accident with the school bus, and she had a lot of reports that had to be written. That is a perfectly understandable reason for canceling!

    Leslie and I spent a few hours with Lyle yesterday, and he shared with us his holiday slide show. It is amazing how people go on vacation differently, and how different their telling of a trip can be. Lyle, for example, is a master chef, and a genius of the culinary arts. As such, there were scores of pictures of food, and he gave us a detailed explanation of every dish that they ate during their ten days in Italy. If it was me, expert in many things but not in foods, I might have had a picture or two of a couple of dishes, but I would have simply raved about how wonderful the food was.

    One possible unexpected consequence of the telling was that after seeing so many pictures (and hearing the explanations) of unkosher meats, I got queasy in my gut. Queasy might even be the wrong word; I was in pain – so much so in fact that I ended up in the washroom twice while we were there, and then after an uncomfortable drive home, once when we were here. It was a weird sensation, knowing that I was having those sharp pains, but also, not having eaten since morning, I was hungry. If ever two diametrically opposed pains there were!

    I had a small bite to eat when I was finished in the washroom, and then Leslie and I relaxed for a couple of hours. One unsurprising consequence of the slideshow was that both of us were in the mood for Italian food, and I made reservations at a restaurant in Oakville that I have loved for years and have not been to in quite some time. Leslie took one look at the menu and knew that she would be having the mushroom risotto – she is an absolute fiend for mushrooms! As I am eating differently than I did that last time I ate there, I also picked a mushroom pasta dish. Not only am I eating much less meat than I used to, I am also reticent to eat meat in restaurants that might serve pork. Also, the mixing of meat with cheese is forbidden. As such, the vegetarian options are simpler. It was truly tasty! For dessert, I had a chocolate tartufo (which is an Italian ice cream) while Leslie enjoyed her cannoli siciliano, which were both out of this world!

    With all of my cheats yesterday, I expected my weight to be up a pound or even more this morning. I stepped onto the scale and was shocked to see that it was down; not only was it down, it was down nearly six pounds! It was down to what I weighed two weeks ago, right before my knee started to hurt, and before my weight loss slide started! In disbelief, I stepped off the scale, moved it a few inches, and tried again, and then once more. While all three measurements were slightly different, they were all within the margin of error. Is it possible that my bowel issues yesterday afternoon cleared out some sort of blockage that has been causing my weight gain this past fortnight? I do not know, but I am really hoping that it is not an anomaly. I will continue as I have been these last few days and will once again resume my strict regimen once Leslie flies home. If I am back to where I was, then I will be thrilled. I have been thinking these last couple of days that when I got back to the routine, I would have nearly ten pounds to lose to get back into best-weight-yet territory. If this is the truth, then it is really only 2-3 lbs.

    We do not have a lot planned for the day. I know we have to do some shopping for groceries – we have to buy challah for the Sabbath, and Leslie wants to make chicken salad, so we need the fixings for that – but aside from that, I think we are going to spend a quiet day close to home. It is nice out, but extremely windy, and unless the wind dies down throughout the course of the afternoon, I do not see us sitting outside on the patio and smoking. The forecast does predict that the wind abates by about 3pm, so that might be a possibility, but we will play it by ear. One of the great parts about a lazy day – and a day when neither of us has to work – is that we can do that. No plans, we will just do what we want to do.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 309

    I have said before that I am blessed for my health. Not once, but three times I have been so morbidly obese as to worry doctors. And yet, with the exception of my gout, I have never had an actual health scare that turned out to be a real something. When I was turning thirty-nine, I was getting dizzy and light-headed and came close to passing out when driving. After a number of tests, it turned out that I needed glasses. That does not count as a real scare. Before I started losing weight the first time, my doctor told me that I had indicators of being pre-diabetic. Those disappeared when I lost a few pounds and has not reoccurred since. That too does not count as a real scare. My gout, for all of the pain and discomfort that it causes me, is relevant to my diet, but not to my overall physical condition. As I said before, I have been blessed. There are not a lot of middle-aged men who are morbidly obese who can say that.

    I am reflecting on this today because a very close friend told me yesterday that he had a minor stroke last week, or rather a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack). It happened the day after I collected him and his wife from the airport to drive them home. It happened the day after they gratefully handed me a slice of pizza that they had smuggled into Canada from Rome, Italy. It happened a day after we talked about how great he was feeling, and how much walking they had done on his trip to Italy. It shook me. I messaged him yesterday to ask him what time Leslie and I should come over today for our scrumptious Thanksgiving dinner. The response was unusual from him: Call me now please. While we speak on the phone all the time, it occurred to me that he has never asked me to call, certainly not with any urgency in his tone.

    I hope I can be forgiven for not reaching out to him these last ten days. On the day that he suffered his TIA, I not only started teaching my class, I also realized how much pain my knee was in. Over the next few days, my ability to walk was hindered, and I could hardly go to a doctor as I was teaching my class all week. I was stressed that in the middle of this class I was teaching, I also had to take time out to meet with the psychologist who was evaluating my son the younger for his educational assessment. I was stressed about that and was also anxious that Friday my wife was coming to visit. For a couple of days, I was also stressed that Eduardo had asked me to pick him and his wife up early Friday morning and drive them to the airport, meaning that it would be an extremely long day. While the stress of that would be relieved, it would soon be replaced by a call from my ex-wife that my son the elder had a series of seizures and was transported to hospital for unknown reasons. For three days he lay in intensive care, sedated and intubated… for reasons nobody could explain. All of this weighed on me, and in fact it is not uncommon for me to not speak with even my closest friends for weeks on end. It does not mean that we are angry, it simply means that we are busy.

    When Lyle told me what happened I was truly shaken to my core. As he continued to try to apologize that he had lost track of time and would not be preparing Thanksgiving dinner for us, Leslie and I were just concerned for him and his health, fancy meals be damned. Today at lunchtime she and I will take him a quart of soup. We will sit with him for however long he is comfortable, and then we will take our leave. We will likely not even stay for lunch; we will just deliver the soup for him.

    Leslie and I talked after we got off the phone with him, and we discussed how this is a strong reminder that I have to keep to my weight loss and workout goals to get healthy and slim. I want to spend a very long and healthy life with her. In order to do that, I have to live a very long and healthy life. The steps that I am taking (and must continue to take) are a big part of that. I have been so lucky all these years to be healthy despite my obesity. I have likened it before to gambling; I have been ‘playing with the house’s money’ in a casino; anybody who knows anything about gambling knows that given time, the house always wins their money back. The trick to winning is knowing when to get up from the table and to be happy with what you have won, rather than pressing your luck and expect to continue to win. I have to walk away from the table now. I need to lose the weight and get into shape now, before the casino takes its money back. I need to get healthy before my not-unhealthy streak comes to an end.

    I do not know what else we have planned for today, but Leslie and I will likely just take it easy. It is going to be warm out, so we might sit on the patio with a cigar (or two) this afternoon. We’ll see. Right now, I am only concerned about seeing Lyle, and making sure that he is okay.

    Today is Thursday, and so I am supposed to meet with my diet buddy. We have not spoken since her surgery, and I know she was recovering in, of all places, Yukon. She was supposed to fly back into town this past Monday, and I have reached out to ask her if we are speaking today. I hope we do, but that will be up to her. I still wonder if now that she has had the surgery if she will be as motivated to meet. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 308

    Today’s was an expectedly disappointing weigh-in at the doctor’s office. I know these last two weeks I have been taking a much laxer and cheat-friendly approach to my weight loss, and that is partially because of the utter agony I was in for ten days, and partly for other reasons which I will not rehash here. I know that in two weeks time – at my next weigh-in – I will be back on track.

    My knee is still bothering me, but much less that it was just two days ago. This morning I took Princess Sophie for her walk, and we did the long walk around the park for the first time in a couple of weeks, just because it was the first time that I could walk the 2,000 steps without being in utter agony. Also, I would think, because Her Floofness has been completely unimpressed by the onset of the cold weather and snow, and this morning the snow had melted (it was warmer yesterday), and though it was chilly, the wind has died down and the sun was shining.

    Yesterday’s dinner was homemade chicken soup with matzoh balls. I am so happy with how the soup came out, although my matzah ball technique needs some work. They tasted great, but I want to work on the size and consistency. That will come with practice. I am just glad that I had not disgraced the name of my ancestors by making lousy chicken soup. There are some things that every Jew should know!

    This afternoon we will drive to Cambridge to spend a few hours at Ryan’s cigar lounge and man cave (the heated garage). I am looking forward to seeing my friend who I know has been suffering from a few issues and can use a friend to talk to. The cigars will be a secondary benefit… although a real one!

    Team Canada squares off against the Belgian squad today, in our first World Cup match since 1986. I remember watching that last match (I was laid up in bed with a broken leg and watched it in the comfort of Donnie and Iris Hersh’s condo). We did not score a goal in that (or any other) match. Our Mitch’s-adult-life World Cup debut has us facing the top ranked team in the world, but I am still hopeful. After all, if Saudi Arabia (ranked 51st) can upset Argentina (ranked 3rd), then hopefully Canada (ranked 41st) can upset Belgium (ranked 1st). I will not be watching the match. Not only is Leslie trying to avoid the World Cup, I know that everyone at Ryan’s hates soccer. It should not be an issue today.

    My plans for today are to not go off track too badly today. I will limit my snack intake and will be good. After all, I seldom overeat when I am smoking cigars! Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving, and while it not a holiday here, Leslie has the day off, so she and I will go to Lyle and Dorothy’s for dinner. We have been looking forward to that – they are absolute magicians in the kitchen, and we know that dinner with them will always be our best meal of the week. We are also looking forward to catching up with our friends.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 307

    This morning I did something that I have not been able to do for over a week. I went about my morning routine, took my pills, but did not include pain killers. Yes, my knee is actually starting to feel semi-normal again! I am very happy about that. After making a scrumptious breakfast of French toast for my wife (of which I only had a few small bites), I had a meal replacement shake. If there is any better sign of my commitment to eating but not overdoing it this week, I do not know what that might be! For lunch, I am going to pick up one of Leslie’s favourites… and one of mine too. Shawarma is a huge delicacy in parts of the world where I have spent a great deal of time, and I have always considered it to be part of my culture. Strictly speaking, it should not be too much of an aberrance from my weight loss program… as long as I do not do it too often.

    It seems to be turning into a lovely day outside, and I suspect that Leslie and I will take advantage of that by sitting on the balcony and enjoying a cigar. Even if I have to turn the heater on, it will be lovely for us to be able to do that. Last night we went to Eduardo’s for a couple of cigars, and that was truly nice… but we also enjoy smoking when it is just the two of us. Today will be such a day. I know that tomorrow we are going to Cambridge, where we will smoke with Ryan et al, and Thursday we are going to Hamilton to have Thanksgiving dinner with Lyle and Dorothy (as well as with Rob and Pippa), so being able to spend a day where it is just the two of us will be a delight.

    While my weight yesterday morning was up above the 310-pound mark, today it is down nearly half a pound, at 310 pounds even. I am okay with that, knowing that I only have a few days left of ‘vacation with my wife,’ after which I will go back to my boring routine. I am truly hoping that by the end of the week my knee will be back to normal. While I doubt I will be back in the gym before she leaves, I would like to resume that next Monday. Knowing (or at least now strongly suspecting) that the injury to my knee was not an injury at all, but was in fact just gout, I will be able to hit the ground running. Even so, I suspect that I will be skittish about my lower body and will spend a lot of focus on my upper body strength for a bit. The treadmill will be my go-to lower-body routine for a bit.

    Today should be a relaxing day with my wife… a bit of shopping, a lovely lunch, and soaking up all of the love that a married couple should have.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 306

    The doctor at the clinic suspects my knee injury is actually an inflammation of gout. While I did not know that gout could manifest off the foot, this is amazing news. It means that with the right meds, I’ll be right as rain in a couple of days. I already woke up this morning in significantly less pain than the last week! I do confess though that I think it is part of getting old… I am hurting, and for no good reason.

    I am eating regularly this week, although I will be very careful. I want to enjoy my week with Leslie, and once she is gone I will go back to starving myself and the gruelling exercise routine. I deserve a break… but I will not go nuts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 305

    After a long day not being able to do anything, we drove my son the younger home, and I took Leslie for a scrumptious Greek dinner. Here’s a tip: it hardly matters how good you are on your diet. If you finish dinner with a Chocolate and Almond Baklava with a scoop of ice cream, you are unlikely to lose weight that day. I was only up a fifth of a pound, which I’ll call a success.

    Leslie and I ran errands today after sharing an omelette for breakfast. I made chicken with a Buffalo sauce for lunch. Now we are sitting at the walk-in clinic hoping the doctor will magically fix my knee.

    Dinner will be leftovers – both Greek from last night and chicken from lunch. I am hoping my knee will not be in so much pain, and I can resume some sort of physical activity.

    I did not sleep badly last night. Tonight might be better… we bought new pillows!

    Have a great day folks!