Losing a part of me

I have missed a couple of days blogging, and have not been too happy with myself. My weight yesterday morning was 289.2 lbs., a very short step to that dreaded 290 lbs. mark which I have been trying to stay away from. This morning I actually hit that mark for a minute… which is to say that after returning from my walk with Her Floofness I was preparing breakfast and felt the need to move my bowels, which is something I have not been very successful at these last few days. I finally had a good poop, and because I had not eaten yet I decided to reweigh myself. My weigh-in at 8:45am this morning had me significantly down from that, and from yesterday’s weight. Phew!

Leslie and I decided a few days ago that when her son goes back to his father’s house for a few weeks that we will do the extreme program together for that time, and it begins on Wednesday. I have enough eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast, and I will shop today for tomorrow only. I miscalculated on my shopping only because I realized only this morning that today is a holiday and that the grocery stores are closed. The only food I have in the house is a couple of meatless burgers, so that will be my lunch with a salad. I will go out for dinner, but I will eat carefully. While it could be considered a ‘last splurge’ meal, I am not going to go nuts with it. Maybe I will pick up a shawarma plate or something. I will figure that out later today… but not too late, as I am teaching this evening and do not want to have my meal after 9:00pm.

The past few days have been interesting. I wrote on Friday that my son the elder came over for a dram and a cigar, which was exciting as I had not seen or heard from him since October 11. We had a nice chat, and I invited him to come with me to the suits and tuxedo sale that my lodge was holding Saturday morning. He met me here at 7:30am and we drove down to Grimsby, where we both picked out a tuxedo. He was disappointed that they did not have a better selection of regular suits, but was nevertheless pleased with his new formal wear… as was I. We pulled into my parking lot shortly after 9:00am, and he was able to get to work on time for his shift… which had been my major concern.

In the early afternoon on Saturday I tried on all of my new duds, and was extremely upset that the pants that I had selected did not fit. I ended up going back in the afternoon, at which point I not only got a pair that did fit, but also got a tails, and at the urging of a couple of the brothers I also picked out a couple more vests, cummerbunds, and bow ties.Now if I can only lose the weight to fit back into the smaller pants then I will be happy with myself.

Following that, I went to a cigar and barbecue event at a friend’s house down that way. This particular friend hosts events on a regular basis and has been inviting me down for seven years, but this was my first time attending. It was a lot of fun, but I could not eat any of the barbecue because it was all pork products. I did snack, which I should not have. After one cigar I went home and prepared a proper meal for myself.

Sunday was a strange day. I had very little energy, and although I had planned on going shopping for groceries, I kept putting it off. Around 5:00pm, after eating an early dinner, I lay down for a nap. I had a weird series of dreams that mostly involved my tossing and turning in bed trying unsuccessfully to nap, trying to get to a class that I was teaching and did not want to be late for, and dropping off my dry cleaning while alternately being hindered from doing so by the casts of Seinfeld and Friends… not the actors mind you, the actual characters who were doing their best to make sitcom bits of the dry cleaning experience. I found none of it funny, and when I woke up I was not at all rested, and it was too late to go to the supermarket. I was concerned by three things: one, I was as unrested after a long nap as I had been before the nap (you try dreaming about not sleeping well); two, would the supermarkets be open on Monday  which would be Victoria Day (Spoiler alert: They are not); and three, after having had a full meal at 4:30pm, would I need to eat again. I did take a couple of yoghurts, but nothing more.

Something else that I was concerned about, although not necessarily just then, was that I had not posted either Saturday or Sunday. If I am going to get back to my best weight ever (I am fifty pounds up!) then I have to be on track. My journal is one of the ways that I keep myself accountable to that, even though it has not helped me these last seven months. Getting back on track is extremely important to me, and I am going to do it. Having Leslie doing it with me will make it a bit easier… it is an extremely difficult program, but doing it alone makes it even harder. She and I discussed it this morning and agreed that having each other to keep us company should make it a little easier. I am nervous… but I am going to succeed. I have to. I want to look good in my tuxedo, after all!

I have a little more energy today than I did yesterday… but not much more. I have work to do so it cannot be the same sort of lazy Sunday as I had yesterday; even though today is a holiday in Canada, I still do most of my work for American companies, and so they have expectations that do not revolve around Queen Victoria’s birthday. Next Monday is Memorial Day in the US, although I still do not know if I am teaching that night or not. I sent an email just now asking for confirmation, although I have to assume that I am. I will also work during the day, as I am now on a writing project that will require no interaction with anyone else.

I have changed my mind. After I finish writing this entry I am going to run out to pick up food. I am going to check in on the other supermarket to see if they are open, although I dout that they will be. I will pick up my restaurant meal for lunch, and will have the veggie burgers and a salad for dinner. It makes more sense to eat the heavier meal earlier in the day. After lunch I will probably rearrange my office because I am working on a project that will require me to be recorded for the end result, and we (the recording team and I) agreed that having my very busy apartment as a backdrop might work for live classes, but would not work for a proper and professional recording. I will take Princess Sophie to the neighbour’s so that she is not here while I am moving furniture around.

Have a great day folks!