Losing a part of me

Category: Clothing

  • Week 2 begins…

    I did not weigh myself the morning of Day 1, so I cannot be certain of my exact progress at the beginning of the second week. It is approximately fifteen pounds based on my weigh-in the previous day, and the night. I’ll take it.

    I ate weird yesterday. I had my first two meal replacements as expected, but then was out for the rest of the day and so could not easily have my third and fourth. The peanuts are finished, so in lieu of the third meal replacement I found a package of unsalted almonds (1.5oz) which was a good substitute. I then sat at my bar until nearly midnight, and while I was hungry when I got home… I decided to skip my fourth meal replacement of the day and go to bed slightly hungry. Because of the nutrients required to stay healthy I know to not make a habit of this… but once in a while, it will not hurt.

    As I dressed to teach this morning I am wearing the same pants I wore yesterday so there is no difference there; my shirt is one that I was able to wear comfortably ten days ago, so I do not think that is an indicator. The sports jacket that I am wearing… that feels a bit looser than it did ten days ago in Indiana. Not only am I able to sit down in it comfortably, but I was also worried about the fit over the holstered firearm in my belt. Do I need to be armed while teaching? Of course not! I am wearing it because I am trying to get used to wearing it. I suspect that as I lose the weight it will continue to feel more comfortable, and I will need to carry it less.

    On a subject partially related to the firearm: I was excited that my new eyeglasses were meant to arrive today for many reasons, not the least of which is that I am hoping it will help with my aim. I also find that as I sit looking at my computer screens, I am squinting more than I used to. Perhaps that will be helped a bit. Well, I woke up to an email that said they are now due to arrive tomorrow. Will one extra day make a huge difference? It will not.

    My initial self-challenge statement was that I would lose fifty pounds from last Monday to New Years… something like 49 days. I am not posting progress charts on my fridge, I am simply doing my best. I know that Week 1 will always produce the most extreme results, so I am guardedly optimistic that I am now about thirty-five pounds from that goal with 42 days to go. These last three days the progress has been one pound per day, and that will not continue. Might I reach my goal? Perhaps. Will I be successful if I do not meet that goal by New Years, but continue to lose all of the weight I want to lose? Yes… but only if I can keep it off.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 851

    I have missed a couple of days blogging, and have not been too happy with myself. My weight yesterday morning was 289.2 lbs., a very short step to that dreaded 290 lbs. mark which I have been trying to stay away from. This morning I actually hit that mark for a minute… which is to say that after returning from my walk with Her Floofness I was preparing breakfast and felt the need to move my bowels, which is something I have not been very successful at these last few days. I finally had a good poop, and because I had not eaten yet I decided to reweigh myself. My weigh-in at 8:45am this morning had me significantly down from that, and from yesterday’s weight. Phew!

    Leslie and I decided a few days ago that when her son goes back to his father’s house for a few weeks that we will do the extreme program together for that time, and it begins on Wednesday. I have enough eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast, and I will shop today for tomorrow only. I miscalculated on my shopping only because I realized only this morning that today is a holiday and that the grocery stores are closed. The only food I have in the house is a couple of meatless burgers, so that will be my lunch with a salad. I will go out for dinner, but I will eat carefully. While it could be considered a ‘last splurge’ meal, I am not going to go nuts with it. Maybe I will pick up a shawarma plate or something. I will figure that out later today… but not too late, as I am teaching this evening and do not want to have my meal after 9:00pm.

    The past few days have been interesting. I wrote on Friday that my son the elder came over for a dram and a cigar, which was exciting as I had not seen or heard from him since October 11. We had a nice chat, and I invited him to come with me to the suits and tuxedo sale that my lodge was holding Saturday morning. He met me here at 7:30am and we drove down to Grimsby, where we both picked out a tuxedo. He was disappointed that they did not have a better selection of regular suits, but was nevertheless pleased with his new formal wear… as was I. We pulled into my parking lot shortly after 9:00am, and he was able to get to work on time for his shift… which had been my major concern.

    In the early afternoon on Saturday I tried on all of my new duds, and was extremely upset that the pants that I had selected did not fit. I ended up going back in the afternoon, at which point I not only got a pair that did fit, but also got a tails, and at the urging of a couple of the brothers I also picked out a couple more vests, cummerbunds, and bow ties.Now if I can only lose the weight to fit back into the smaller pants then I will be happy with myself.

    Following that, I went to a cigar and barbecue event at a friend’s house down that way. This particular friend hosts events on a regular basis and has been inviting me down for seven years, but this was my first time attending. It was a lot of fun, but I could not eat any of the barbecue because it was all pork products. I did snack, which I should not have. After one cigar I went home and prepared a proper meal for myself.

    Sunday was a strange day. I had very little energy, and although I had planned on going shopping for groceries, I kept putting it off. Around 5:00pm, after eating an early dinner, I lay down for a nap. I had a weird series of dreams that mostly involved my tossing and turning in bed trying unsuccessfully to nap, trying to get to a class that I was teaching and did not want to be late for, and dropping off my dry cleaning while alternately being hindered from doing so by the casts of Seinfeld and Friends… not the actors mind you, the actual characters who were doing their best to make sitcom bits of the dry cleaning experience. I found none of it funny, and when I woke up I was not at all rested, and it was too late to go to the supermarket. I was concerned by three things: one, I was as unrested after a long nap as I had been before the nap (you try dreaming about not sleeping well); two, would the supermarkets be open on Monday  which would be Victoria Day (Spoiler alert: They are not); and three, after having had a full meal at 4:30pm, would I need to eat again. I did take a couple of yoghurts, but nothing more.

    Something else that I was concerned about, although not necessarily just then, was that I had not posted either Saturday or Sunday. If I am going to get back to my best weight ever (I am fifty pounds up!) then I have to be on track. My journal is one of the ways that I keep myself accountable to that, even though it has not helped me these last seven months. Getting back on track is extremely important to me, and I am going to do it. Having Leslie doing it with me will make it a bit easier… it is an extremely difficult program, but doing it alone makes it even harder. She and I discussed it this morning and agreed that having each other to keep us company should make it a little easier. I am nervous… but I am going to succeed. I have to. I want to look good in my tuxedo, after all!

    I have a little more energy today than I did yesterday… but not much more. I have work to do so it cannot be the same sort of lazy Sunday as I had yesterday; even though today is a holiday in Canada, I still do most of my work for American companies, and so they have expectations that do not revolve around Queen Victoria’s birthday. Next Monday is Memorial Day in the US, although I still do not know if I am teaching that night or not. I sent an email just now asking for confirmation, although I have to assume that I am. I will also work during the day, as I am now on a writing project that will require no interaction with anyone else.

    I have changed my mind. After I finish writing this entry I am going to run out to pick up food. I am going to check in on the other supermarket to see if they are open, although I dout that they will be. I will pick up my restaurant meal for lunch, and will have the veggie burgers and a salad for dinner. It makes more sense to eat the heavier meal earlier in the day. After lunch I will probably rearrange my office because I am working on a project that will require me to be recorded for the end result, and we (the recording team and I) agreed that having my very busy apartment as a backdrop might work for live classes, but would not work for a proper and professional recording. I will take Princess Sophie to the neighbour’s so that she is not here while I am moving furniture around.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 201

    I cheated on my food intake yesterday. My weight is slightly up this morning. It would be easy to say post hoc ergo propter hoc, that the weight gain is the result of the cheating. What is more likely is that while I did cheat, I did not go overboard… and weight loss is never a direct and uninterrupted downward line. I am satisfied that I have been doing well on my program, and even though I had a bag of popcorn and two cookies, I am not discouraged.

    I should also mention that while I did eat those things, I did not have my three meal replacements. I only had two, foregoing the last one to offset the calories from the cheating (more from the cookies than from the popcorn).

    One might think that with all of the tubs of smaller-sized clothes that I have that I would not have to buy new for a long time. While that might be true, I do get excited that I am losing weight, and therefore will look better in cool and fashionable clothes. As such, this morning I ordered three new golf shirts that will be delivered to Leslie’s place in time for my next visit in a couple of weeks. There is a story behind the shirts.

    A year and a half ago my Rabbi and friend gifted me the absolute wildest golf shirt I have ever seen. I loved the psychedelic colours that were reminiscent of how the movies portrayed an LSD trance from the 1960s. It remains to this day one of my favourite shirts, and every time I wear it, someone comments on it… either one of my students, or a cashier, or just someone in the street or store. He told me the story of how he came across the company, but I regret I do not remember the details. Suffice it to say, I loved not only the design, but the quality and feel. I also appreciated that when I was at my fattest, it still fit.

    The company has dozens of funky golf shirts, and when I decided to buy new, I went to their website. I picked out a couple of patterns. After checking with Leslie (I do not need her approval, but I like to wear things that she appreciates) I was ready to order two shirts. I went to check out, and they were charging $10 shipping. Of course, there was also a banner on the front page of the site that said they shipped free on orders over $125. Even before the coupon code that Leslie dug up (thanks babe!) I would have been under that, but with the coupon I was saving enough money that I was prepared to buy a third shirt, and free shipping was now applied to my order.

    I can hardly wait to get them… It is exciting that I am dipping below the threshold from which I refused to buy new clothes into the zone where I know that clothes that I buy will now fit me for a few months. Of course, I did buy the custom-tailored clothes a few months ago, and if I am going to continue to wear those, I will have to find a tailor to adjust the sizes. I will look into that this week, so that I can take some of them to Dallas with me in a couple of weeks.

    I had popcorn again today. I am not going to have the cookies that I had yesterday. I am going to try to be good the rest of the day. I am also relieved that this was the last of my microwave popcorn, and so unless I go shopping and choose to buy more popcorn, I am done with that. I do have most of a box of Bear Paw cookies in the cupboard, but those have seldom been a real temptation for me.

    After seven straight days of pushing myself, I am going to take a break from fitness walking today. It is not because there is an 80% chance of rain between 5-7pm, it is because I pushed myself to go further, harder, and more than I thought that I could, and I want to give my legs (and especially my feet) a day to recover.

    A few years ago, my Master and friend told me that it is good to diet, but every so often I should cheat so that I could stay true to my diet. I thought this was a lousy idea, partially because back then I had not tried to change my habits, I was only tried to stop eating so that I could lose weight. A few days ago, Leslie suggested that from time to time it is okay to reward myself with a cheat meal, as long as you do it in moderation, and using common sense. For example, sushi might be a good cheat meal; deep-fried battered and breaded Buffalo wings is not. By using the same logic, eating the popcorn yesterday (and today) is not the end of the world. If I were to make it a habit that I was going to eat popcorn (and cookies) every day, that would be the end of my weight loss program.

    What I am getting at with that is that I should not – and will not – beat myself up over minor cheats. There are myriad foods that are not on my program that I can eat occasionally and sparingly. I just do not want to get into the habit, or do it too often. Once per week is fine, more is pushing it.

    This evening I will not be going for a walk, but that does not mean I should alter my routine. At 5:30 I will finish teaching, and I will make my meal replacement. When that is finished, I will take Princess Sophie for her walk. I have some calls to make after that, and will then sit on the balcony and talk with my wife until it is time for my last meal replacement… and bed. I am planning it out because if I don’t, it would be so easy to fall from grace, as it were.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 111

    Today is the day! I picked Leslie up from the airport last night, and it was so wonderful to have her here. I have had a bit of a stomach issue since yesterday afternoon, but that will not dampen our visit, nor will it interfere with our vacation. We are leaving the house in about 2 hours to drive to the airport, and once we are parked at the airport, as far as I am concerned, we are on vacation. YAY!!!

    I didn’t eat badly yesterday, but as I mentioned, my stomach has been a bit touchy. That is weird for me – my stomach does not have issues. I can imagine if I had eaten something ridiculous, but I did not. I will just take it easy for a couple of days and I know I will be fine. There was nothing out of the ordinary bowel-wise… neither excessive nor a shortage. Okay, I guess sometimes mere mortals will have stomach issues… and as I am a syllable from turning fifty, I should recognize that I am that.

    There are few pampering pleasures that are exclusively for men, but there is no question that a hot towel shave is just that. This morning, one year and two days after I said goodbye to my father, Leslie and I drove to the Village Cigar Company and Barbershop in Burlington, and before I sat in Barney’s chair, she took a moment to say goodbye to my full beard. I kept the goatee, but to quote my friend Emily (who commented on Facebook): “You no longer look like a homeless person.” I suspect I lost another pound by the time it was over, which would have been over and above the 1.8 lbs that I was down this morning from yesterday. I will hope to not gain too much weight in Cuba, but vacations can be tough, so I suppose I hope to not gain more than five pounds in Cuba.

    It is a beautiful day out, and I am wearing short sleeves. Leslie is wearing shorts, and I might just change into a pair before we go to the airport. It might drop below 25°C in Cuba… but it is unlikely. I have some packing left to do, but not much. Leslie is taking a nap in the bedroom, and I do not want to disturb her, but in a few minutes, I will go out to pick up lunch for us, and I will wake her for that… and then I will finish packing and we can hit the road. If we were not returning at 2:30am next week, I would arrange for alternate transportation to the airport. No thank you, I will happily pay the parking for the convenience of getting our luggage and walking right to our car.

    Have a great day folks! I have left placeholders for the next week, but hope to be able to blog every day anyways.

  • Day 103

    Again, the only transgression of yesterday’s intake was the peanuts. I think I am doing okay. I am once again down ever so slightly from yesterday, and I hope to continue on the path… a little bit lower every day. I know it will take a year or more to reach my goal, but I will continue to press on.

    While I am not in need of more pants, I was trying to figure out why it is that I have so many pair of size 44 pants, and then so many size 38 pants, and so few in size 40 and 42. Looking back, I recall that I was playing a game with Amazon, skirting the limits but still within the rules. I would order a few pair of pants in a size, knowing that within a few weeks (when I was on the extreme program) I would return them, and then purchase the pants in the smaller size. Add to that, I also gave several pair to a buddy of mine (who also suffers from the same affliction around the waist). That explains it. Of course, the ridiculous number of shirts that I have is a different story. Pants have to fit right, but a shirt can go from tight to loose to very loose, and still be wearable. For example, the golf shirt that I wore Saturday was very loose, but still perfectly fine to wear. With pants it is different. At a certain point a belt drawn too tight just looks silly.

    It was an emotionally difficult weekend. I do not think I did very much on Saturday, but Sunday I spent the afternoon with Lyle and Dorothy. Our friend Cameron’s brother came over to take an initial look at what has to be dealt with, and I wanted to be there to offer moral support. I had some other things going on as well, but that is all part of life. I did some shopping as well – I picked up a few things from Walmart (including sunscreen, which upon my return home I realized I have a lot of, and something that Leslie asked me to pick up), and I went to Bulk Barn (where I bought a handful of peanuts for myself, and a bagful of chocolate covered marshmallows for Leslie and her son). I also finally exchanged an empty propane tank which has been sitting empty since March or the beginning of April. It is amazing how much less of that I use when it is not the dead of winter, and I do not need the heater blasting in order to smoke a cigar.

    I have some errands to run this morning, which I should have finished in time to pick the cleaning lady up from the train station at 11:00am. Once that is all done, I will spend some time working on my presentation for later this week. While it has been a long time, the subject matter is one that I have spoken on countless times and am not worried or stressed over it. I do, however, need to put the slide deck together, or else I will be unprepared, which does not appeal to me.

    Food plans: stay the course! I should mention that I thought briefly about going for breakfast yesterday. The healthy omelette breakfast meal that I had last week was actually very good, and I considered treating myself. In the end I decided against it. It was an unnecessary indulgence. It is nice to have as a treat when I take my kids out, but indulgences that are indulged in too often become habits. Next week, starting Tuesday, I will be off my diet for a week. Leslie comes in late Monday evening, and I will let myself have a little bit of freedom. No, I will not gorge or indulge, but I will put the program aside for a week. Until then, I think my peanuts are enough of an indulgence, and I do not need to go for breakfasts as well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 102

    I was able to stick to the plan yesterday. I admit thinking at one point that a meal replacement bad – in addition to what I had eaten already – would have been nice. I did not indulge – to whatever extent a meal replacement bar would be considered an indulgence – and I went to bed having eaten precisely what I had set out to eat throughout the day. In addition, I enjoyed a single cigar on the balcony, as well as a pot of coffee (enjoyed throughout the morning and early afternoon). It was, in short, a day that went according to plan.

    I am still unsure what my plans for today are. I will either be seeing Lyle and Dorothy, or Ryan and the gang. In the next hour I will make some calls and decide. It is a rainy day out though, so my thinking is that Ryan’s is the more comfortable option; Lyle’s would be to support him through a difficult situation, and if he asks, I will be there.

    Either way, I have to try to stick to the plan. My weight was down this morning, but only very slightly. I know I am seeing the doctor this Wednesday for my official weigh-in and would like to be a couple of kilograms down from last time. In other words, falling off the program (even for a day) would not bode well for that. Also, in ten days I will be on a beach in Cuba with Leslie, and I want to look as good as I can for her in my swim trunks! Okay, I am mostly kidding… but I did buy six shirts for the trip (along with my two bathing suits), and I want them to fit me as well as possible, and not too tight.

    I mentioned earlier that it is rainy out today. Leslie is thinking that might be the reason my knee has been hurting – that it has, as will happen with older people – turned into a barometer. She might be right, although I hope not. I am hoping that the only reasons my knee has been bothering me is because, thanks to HRF Princess Sophie, I am often required to sleep in less-than-completely-comfortable positions. I will have to pay attention to it over the next few weeks though… if it is true, then I will at least know when to expect it. Yes, my younger lady derives quite a bit of humour out of reminding me that I am getting old!

    It is a lovely and typical spring day, and my allergies are in full force. I have been taking allergy meds every day for the last week or two and will make sure I continue to do so. I have suffered from bad allergies since I was a child, and I am at peace with the fact that I might not be able to completely alleviate them, but at least by taking the proper precautions I can keep the worst of them at bay.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 98

    We are not yet at next week, but I hope nonetheless that I am in a better frame of mind today than I was yesterday. I know the work that I still have to do today, and while there is a deadline, I am nonetheless back on track to complete the task before the hard deadline. I am at my desk slightly earlier than I might otherwise be, were I not burdened with completing this assignment before day’s end. Otherwise, this morning is similar to most.

    I was surprised, when I checked the temperature and forecast this morning, to see that it was 1°C outside. It is not bitterly cold, but it is certainly cold enough that I pulled my ski jacket out, rather than my spring jacket that I have worn the last week. I decided that I would wear my older ski jacket, and not the one that I purchased at the beginning of this past winter. I wanted to prove to myself that I was not imagining that the smaller jacket fit. It does. I zipped it against the wind, and I was more than comfortable in it… even though it is still snug. That is to be expected, of course… but at the beginning of next season I hope it will not be so.

    I wrote yesterday evening that I was not sated by my smaller meals, and that I indulged in two extra meal-replacement bars throughout the day. I will adjust my portions accordingly today, in hope that I will have no need to do so again. While there may be little difference in calories between the larger meal and the meal replacement bars, the lunchtime meal starts to digest earlier, and… well, we will see.

    The bathroom scale (I am not going to start referring to it as the bedroom scale, despite its recent relocation) gave me three different readings today. Unlike past times, when these might be many pounds different, today’s three readings were all very similar – the three separated by 4/10ths of a pound. In the end, I settled for the middle reading, which has me up 2/10ths of a pound from yesterday. I know, I cannot be impatient. I also have to trust that despite all of these maddening daily ups and downs, I have been consistently down on my fortnightly weigh-ins at the doctor’s office. Those are the ones that really matter, right?

    Two weeks from today I will be waking up next to Leslie in Cuba for the first time. That means, of course, that she is arriving here in under two weeks. I am very excited – I really miss her. I love our long video chats, but it is not the same as being able to hold her in my arms. Friends who know we are going are asking if I am excited to be going back to Cuba after all this time. After all, this has been the longest span of time that I have not been in many years. Yes, I am excited… but I am so much more excited for going with Leslie. I am excited to share with her a gorgeous beach vacation where we can relax and enjoy ourselves… without any stress or aggravation or work.

    While there are days when I look out the window and am tempted to blow off my work to sit outside with a cigar, today is not one of them. It is not raining, but the sounds of the outside world – the wind, with hints of Blue (our upstairs neighbour Siberian Husky) crying will keep me honest today. The forecast high is 4°C, with a 50% chance of snow flurries. While the overnight temps will drop to -2°C, I will be in bed for all of the below-freezing hours. Tomorrow’s high is forecast at 10°, which is lovely… except that I will be inside teaching most of the day… and inside learning for most of the evening. The weekend is looking nice though… and not only because of the weather. I will be quite relieved to have this class behind me.

    Today is the ninety-eighth day of my diet; I have recorded my thoughts in this journal every day since January 20. While there have been bad days (Day 45 was the worst of them), I think I have, for the most part, done pretty well. No, I am not on the strict, one hundred percent meal-replacement program that the weight loss clinics would prescribe. However, most weight loss professionals would likely agree that losing forty-five pounds in 98 days is nothing to sneeze at, and indeed is a healthy pace. They usually tell you that 1-2 lbs per week is a healthy pace, and I am exactly there. The fact that I had previously succeeded in losing 100 lbs in the same time period (in 2017) is not relevant, as I was on the extreme program then with absolutely no solid foods. While some might see my current diet as extreme, I assure you that it is far from it… two meals per day is not bad at all.

    Of course, if I was losing weight faster, I would be happy… but I might also not be able to fit into the clothes that I ordered a month ago, which will be arriving in another month or so. They say 8-10 weeks, and I am eagerly hoping that they arrive sooner rather than later. Either way, they should be here in time for my flight to Dallas, which is June 16. I know, it is going to be extremely hot in Dallas in June… but wouldn’t it be nice one evening to be able to dress up for my girlfriend? Maybe to go out on the town, enjoy a fine meal, or even just a walk in the park. She deserves that!

    Since sitting down the first time this morning, I received an unexpected call that my glasses were ready. I ran down to the optometrist to collect them, as NOW was the only available slot they had for me to come in today. I headed out, and after having the sunglasses fixed (they were my own frames, so they do not guarantee anything… and yes, a piece fell off, but yes, it was repairable) I came home, sat down to work, and promptly had a dog jump up to sit on my desk, preventing any possible work. Okay, so I am now two hours behind on the day… but I should be able to make it through.

    Now that I can get back at my keyboard, it is time to do some work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 96

    For the second day in a row, the numbers on the scale were lower, setting new lows for this diet plan. I am pleased that I am seeing some progress but wonder as well if I would have been more than 2/10ths of a pound lower had I not had quite so many peanuts throughout the day. I have to go back to my original routine… If I am going to stop and buy peanuts, I can only buy a single handful. While sitting in the car, I have neither the awareness of how many I am eating, nor the discipline to stop eating them. I know that I bought more than a reasonable amount yesterday. I will not do that again.

    Something else that I did differently yesterday was at brunch with my son. In this case, I think I did well. Rather than simply ordering the plain omelet with cheese a four egg-white omelette with seasoned chicken, guacamole and pico salsa served with turkey bacon and fresh fruit. 435 Cals. Considering the cheese omelette I would have ordered is listed at 735 calories, I think I made the right choice. The fruit was a minor indulgence, but otherwise I think the entire breakfast was a good choice. With a squirt of hot sauce, it was quite delicious, and for once I was not at all jealous of my son’s Oreo French toast.

    There were fewer people at Lyle’s for our remembrance of Cameron than I had expected, but that is not unusual on such short notice. Depending on the funeral arrangements, we have tentatively planned to do a proper memorial herf next Sunday, which will give everyone much more time to plan for it. Still and all, the day went exactly as I wrote yesterday that it would.

    It was a beautiful day to be outside, but because of the configuration of Lyle and Dorothy’s patio, we were truly cold… until I had the idea to move our chairs down to the driveway where the sun was shining. Just five minutes earlier, I had gone to my car to my car to put a sweater on under my jacket. As soon as we relocated, I took off not only the sweater, but the jacket as well. We sat out in the sun comfortably wearing short sleeves.

    Spring is finally here, and I have put my winter jacket away. I am hoping that I have worn that jacket for the last time. I hated having to purchase a 4X jacket, but my older jacket (which I thought had fit me the last time I was my largest weight) did not fit, and it is impossible to live through a Canadian winter without proper outerwear. I bought it on November 15th, and I was never comfortable in it… although I was always warm. I know that if I am still living in Canada then I will be buying a new winter coat for next winter. It is not that my old Colombia ski jacket does not fit – I just tried it on, and it does – but I bought it when I was either engaged or married to my first wife, which means it is almost old enough to vote. Of course, I am also hoping that, come November, the jacket that was too tight on me a year earlier will now be too loose for me… but either way, it will be a good opportunity to update my style somewhat. After all, I was in my early thirties when I bought it, and before I wear it again, I will be fifty years old.

    While I was trying on the old ski jacket, I also took a couple of minutes to try on the other jackets hanging in my front closet. I have a spring/fall jacket that is a delightful shade of light blue that fits as long as I do not want to zip it up. I might wear it in a few weeks, or maybe sooner if I feel like it. My Taekwondo vest does not fit yet, but it will in time for next fall/winter. Okay, it is really not a Taekwondo vest… the company I used to work for gave all employees a one-year gift, and I chose a voucher from Land’s End. I chose an insulated vest, which is quite nice and very comfortable… when it fits. Of course, a few months later the company let me go. Thank you Covid. While I had zero interest in ever advertising that company’s brand, I really like the vest. I had a patch from Taekwondo Canada which served perfectly to cover the company branding. Hence, it is now my Taekwondo vest!

    There are so many things that I am looking forward to being able to wear again as I lose weight. I am also looking forward to one day being able to walk into a store and know that they will have my size… and I do not mean walking into a big and tall store, I mean going into a department store and not being treated like Godzilla. For now, I am just really looking forward to feeling better about myself and looking as good as I can for my girlfriend.

    I checked the fridge, and I am completely out of vegetables. Once I finish writing I will head out to the store to collect what I need for the next couple of days. If I did not have a lot of work to do, I would consider walking it again… but that is a long stretch of time out of my day that I cannot afford today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Pride of Dress, Pride of Progress

    My absolute worst weight ever – eighty-nine days ago – proved that I had, for a time, given up. I had no pride in my appearance, and for several months had not cared enough about myself to rein in the bad habits that come so easily to me. Of course, a broken ankle did not help… but I was in a bad way. My stomach hung out from nearly every shirt that I owned, all of which were tight fitting.

    I am now down a little over forty-five pounds, and while I still have little reason to be proud of my body, I am proud of the progress that I have made. I know that one day I will once again have pride in my appearance.

    This morning I got dressed after my shower, knowing that HRF Princess Sophie was pressed to go outside for her morning walk. I checked the weather, and then I grabbed the next shirt on my shelf of long-sleeve XXXL shirts. We went for our walk.

    I should mention at this point that not all shirts are made equally. I am not talking about quality, but rather of sizes. While that is less prevalent where the measurement is a number (a size-42 pair of pants will have a bit of range, but they will all be approximately the same), but when the sizes are L-XL-XXL and so on, there is a huge range. Most of my XXXL shirts fit me quite well now. The one that I picked off the shelf yesterday definitely did not. My belly hung out of it, and there was no amount of tucking it in that was going to hide my stomach for long.

    Eighty-nine days ago, I would have thrown up my hands and said, ‘Oh well!’ That is not what I did this morning. The shirt did not fit… but it will. That might take a couple of weeks or a couple of months, but the bright pink Under Armor shirt will fit properly one day and soon. It does not yet, so I took it off, and picked out the next shirt from the same pile. Ironically, it was also an Under Armor shirt in the same size. It fits perfectly.

    I am done wearing clothes that do not fit. I am happy to wear clothes that are a bit tight, but if it will not hide my belly then I am not wearing it.

    I still do not have a lot of pride in my appearance, but Leslie loves what I look like, and she is so proud of the progress I have made. She will continue to support me in my weight loss. My girlfriend deserves to have a boyfriend who takes some pride in his appearance, and dresses appropriately. There are so many days when I do not feel that I deserve such a beautiful woman as her, and I am not going to let a day pass when I do not show her the respect to be the best boyfriend that I can be. The day that I do that, I will truly not deserve her.

  • Day 81

    On Day 12, I wrote that I sorted all of my clothes into five storage bins. This afternoon, with Leslie by my side, I opened the one that read “Pants and Shorts, Size 42.” There were several pair of shorts and pants. The first pair that I tried on fit fine, but they are an ugly pair of black pants, and I decided to put them into the pile marked ‘Donate to Cuba.’ That they fit was only a minor victory, because they were a pair of stretch pants from Walmart.

    The next pair that I tried on did not fit… nor did one pair of shorts. Everything else in the bin fit! This was a huge non-scale victory… and the piece de resistance was the pair of Levi’s 501 button-fly jeans, which are usually the last pair in a size that will fit. Guess what I wore the rest of the day? You guessed it… My Levi’s! I always saw Levi’s as a real indicator of progress. The first time I lost a lot of weight was when I was testing for my Black Belt; I remember we (the family) were down in Buffalo, and the mall had a Levi’s outlet store. I decided to try on a pair to see… mostly because I remembered one time going into a similar store and being told that Levi’s did not make pants in my size. When they fit, I was elated.

    I was elated yesterday too… and probably more so. The fact that Leslie was here to celebrate a huge milestone was so wonderful for me. Over the next few months there will be many more milestones, and whether she is here with me in person, or if we share them over the phone, I am so happy to have her in my life and as my weight-loss (and improved-health) cheerleader!

    There were three pair of shorts that either fit or nearly fit… which means that in a month when we fly to Cuba they will fit perfectly. If I have three pair of Size-42 shorts that fit, then I will be donating all of my Size-44 shorts. I have made the decision that this is it… once I have three pair of Size-42 pants that fit I am done… after that, I will never wear a Size-44 again.

    We drove out to Cambridge, where we spent the afternoon and evening with Ryan, Glenn, Lindsay and her boyfriend. As always, a good time was had by all. We watched the last bit of The Masters on TV, and I played a few rounds of darts against Glenn. It is great playing against someone who has been drinking all afternoon… not matter how poorly I might throw, there is very little chance of my actually losing a game.

    Yesterday and today, we shared an omelet. I made it with three eggs, cauliflower, onion, mushrooms, and a little bit of cheese (although yesterday I skipped the cheese). Leslie calls it the Omelet of Justice and Power and Might… we love being silly together, and I love that we can be serious but also fun and silly. I just might have to do something drastic…

    Today we will head on over to Lyle and Dorothy’s house for a few hours, and then we will come home for dinner. While it is nice to see our friends, we also have too little time together, so spending time together alone is hugely important.

    Have a great day folks!