Category: Friends
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Day 1256
I am hating myself more than ever this morning. It gives me a bit of comfort that I am now committed to restarting my extreme program a week from tomorrow – the day after my birthday. Today another friend and I are cohosting a birthday barbecue for ourselves (as we did last year). Thinking back…
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Day 1253
A close friend came over for a cigar yesterday afternoon after I told him how horrible I was feeling. We are going to see each other today, but that will be in a group of people. He knew that I needed to talk privately. He asked me, after I gave him an update of what…
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Day 1242
As planned, I spent the afternoon with one friend, then the evening with a group of buddies and brothers from my Lodge (and some of their families). It was a cross between a nice distraction and a horrible reminder of what I am going through. I need to get past the worst of my issues…
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Day 1217
Life is no better, but I have some studying to do today and tomorrow so that hopefully I can pass an exam on Friday. We’ll see. Last night was possibly the first decent night sleep I got in… well, since I don’t know when. My sleep score (according to my fitness watch) was 77 –…
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Day 1216
As bad as I am doing, it was somewhat of a relief to spend much of the day today with two very close friends. Thank you David, and thank you Mitchell.
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Day 1207
This morning for the first time I began to tell a friend the depths and extent of my despair. He is worried about me; so am I. I thank G-d that I have friends I can turn to because without them I would be all alone and I honestly do not know what I might…
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Day 1200
Doing no better today, but this afternoon I have to put a smile on to go see some friends. I have a good excuse to beg out early – I have to start teaching at 1am which means I need to get some sleep. Life sucks.
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Day 1197
Today is Yom Ha’Aztzmaut, the Israeli Day of Independence. I have a lot to do, mostly in preparation for the most useless exam I have to take tomorrow. It is a certification exam for the class that I am teaching next week, and it earns you a certification that I earned nearly six years ago…
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Day 1187
For the first time in years my rage erupted yesterday. I have been doing everything I can to keep myself in check, and while I have not always made the right decision, I have nevertheless been able to remain composed. Yesterday afternoon, shortly after I pressed publish on my very short journal entry, I got…
Losing a part of me 