Category: Anxiety
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Day 1275
It felt like I was walking around with an anvil on my back from the moment I could not sit my exam on Tuesday until the minute I received an email from ISC2 at 2:00pm yesterday afternoon telling me how I could now rebook my exam. Precisely forty-nine hours and fifteen minutes. That weight is…
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Day 1274
Last night was not a good night. I do not know what happened, but shortly after I got into bed I realized my back was uncomfortable… and then in pain. Between 11:30pm and 2:30am I got up several times to In the meantime I tossed and turned and just fought to get comfortable, which was…
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Day 1272 – Afternoon
I did not pass my exam. In my defense, I also did not fail my exam. I arrived at the testing centre as prepared as I could be, perfectly at peace in the knowledge that I very well might (dare I say would probably) fail the exam. At least I would know what I was…
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Day 1256
I am hating myself more than ever this morning. It gives me a bit of comfort that I am now committed to restarting my extreme program a week from tomorrow – the day after my birthday. Today another friend and I are cohosting a birthday barbecue for ourselves (as we did last year). Thinking back…
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Day 1255
I made a decision that I hope I can stick to. The day after my birthday (a week tomorrow) I am starting back on the full program. I have to get hold of myself, stress and anxiety and depression and despair be damned.
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Day 1253
A close friend came over for a cigar yesterday afternoon after I told him how horrible I was feeling. We are going to see each other today, but that will be in a group of people. He knew that I needed to talk privately. He asked me, after I gave him an update of what…
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Day 1197
Today is Yom Ha’Aztzmaut, the Israeli Day of Independence. I have a lot to do, mostly in preparation for the most useless exam I have to take tomorrow. It is a certification exam for the class that I am teaching next week, and it earns you a certification that I earned nearly six years ago…
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Day 1194
Today is election day in Canada, and I plan to go vote right after my daytime class, hoping that I will get through it and home in time for my nighttime class. It is going to be tight if the lines are long, but I have to make my voice heard. Other than that, I…
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Day 1189
I am so happy that I can help so many other people. I just wish I could help myself. I need to find a way out of this chasm but I do not see any escape.
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Day 1186
I am still where I was yesterday. Emotionally distraught. I am a real mess. I am going to see some friends in Grimsby for dinner and to break my Passover after sundown. I just wish…
Losing a part of me 