Losing a part of me

Category: Psychology

  • Day 482

    My weight did not drop significantly this morning, but as I have said so many times: down is better than up. My session with my therapist yesterday was disappointing. I am not sure if she is helping me at this point, but I will give some thought before I make any decisions about how to proceed. I know she was a tremendous help with my diagnosis of ADHD, and I will never say that my time with her was a waste. I only wonder if she can continue to help me with what I need, which is more to do with habits and addictions.

    Over the next couple of weeks, my living in Canada but teaching remotely for US companies will bite my schedule. It will not be the fist time. In Canada, Monday is Victoria Day, and this weekend is what we call the May two-four weekend… partly because Victoria Day is traditionally May 24th, and partly because Canadian slang for a case of beer is a two-four. Either way, Monday will be a holiday. I will be working, which does not really bother me. The following Monday is Memorial Day in the USA, which means they will be off, because most of my classes are five days, and they do not schedule them on shortened weeks. Oh well… maybe I will take that opportunity to drive to Montreal for my long weekend. We’ll see.

    I am hoping that I can stick to the plan. Over the weekend when I spoke with Leslie, I told her that I needed to get back on the program, and I needed a couple of days to work into it. The deadline we set was Wednesday or Thursday, but in my head it is today (Wednesday). I have enough food for my meal today, but that is it. Tomorrow I am going cold turkey. I am going to go back onto the full-fast program and am going to push myself to start making positive progress again. I am hoping that if I can do it for one more month then I will be done with it… but I am not making any decisions. My previous plan of being done by mid-June was affected by the stress of my wedding and my backward slide, but I can and will get back on track. I am not going to lose this time.

    There were two positive things that came out of my session with the therapist yesterday. One of them was that if I set unrealistic goals for my exercise then it will be unsustainable. To wit: If my goal is to exercise seven days per week, and there is a day that I cannot make it, then I will consider myself a failure for not meeting my goal. We all know there are seven days in a week, and a missed day cannot be made up. If, on the other hand, I were to set a goal to exercise four or even five days, if I have to miss a day for any reason then that day can still be made up. While I never really had a set number of days per week that I wanted to exercise, I was trying to get out most days. I will give this some thought and see if it helps.

    My plan for today is to not do anything excessive. I will not be able to jog because after my morning class I have an appointment at the Apple Store (the Temple of the Cult of Spend as Much as We Can) to get my iPad fixed. I seldom pay for extended warranties, but this time it paid off. I think I have a cracked screen.

    My evening class is about to start. At the evening break I will have a shake, which will be the first one I have had in the evening for a couple of weeks. I am trying to get back on track… starting now!

  • Day 481

    I am not back on track… but I am going in the right direction. Yesterday was always going to be a hectic day, and I knew that jogging would not be in the cards. Nonetheless, I was able to accomplish everything that I intended to, which is more than I can say for some days. I still ate, but I do not feel that I overindulged as I have some of the last few days. I did, however, find myself quite hungry after coming in from my cigar in the evening, and I decided to break my rule about evening snacking. I opened a bag of mini crisps and did something I have not had any success in doing recently: I took six chips and then put the bag away. While it is conceivable that I stopped at six because I was calling Leslie back, the first thought that came to mind was that if I only had enough to kerb my hunger and no more then I might not be disappointed when I stepped onto the bathroom scale the next morning. Indeed, a 2.4 lbs. drop from yesterday was a welcome relief. The fact that I am now ten pounds heavier than my best weight ever is balanced by the fact that I am down 3.6 lbs. in the last two days, and even though I am still above the 260 lbs. mark, I am heading in the right direction. I have started to take the steps necessary to quash the last month of slipping and sliding.

    I really enjoyed the first session of my cigar sommelier course last night… once it got started. The original time was supposed to be 5pm, and there was a lot of confusion around… something. Fortunately, all is well that ends well, and we had a great session with the master. There are students from all over the world, and I was relieved that I was not the only one whose Spanish is not very good. The translator did a decent job, and I look forward to continuing with it.

    My plan for today is to teach until 1pm, then have lunch. I am hoping that after lunch I will be able to go for a jog, and then get home in time for my 4:30 phone session with my therapist. I need to discuss the rollercoaster I have been on lately, and hopefully I can get some pointers to stay on track. My wife and my diet buddy are great supports, but right now it is all hands on deck. I need to make sure that this last month is a blip, and not ‘where it all goes wrong.’ I am teaching in the evening, and I am always excited to start a new class. It ends at 9:00pm, which will give me just enough time to have a cigar date with my wife… as long as the weather on both sides holds up!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 477

    I must have been distracted this morning because for the first time in memory I did not step onto the bathroom scale before getting dressed. Moreover, I did not even realize it until I had come in from walking Her Royal Floofness and was making my coffee. It is not the worst thing in the world of course, I will just have to remember to do it tomorrow.

    I ended up having a second meal last night. I made another salmon salad and felt terrible about it. I am going to have to start working on not feeling guilty about food. There has to be a fine line between awareness and mindfulness… and constant guilt. That is something I will speak to my therapist about… that meeting is next week.

    Tomorrow is the day I get back on track with exercising. I have to. In the meantime, after class I will go shopping to pick up something to eat. I will pick something small and plan to not overeat.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 412

    I continued my streak yesterday, running for three kilometres and then walking six. My jogging pace is picking up a little bit which is good. I am looking forward to seeing how well I will be able to do when the roads and sidewalks are all dry, and I can wear my nicer running shoes.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 3 km (3.04km)
    • Duration: 23:08 (24:51)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 7m42s (8m10s)
    • Steps: 3,600 (3,800)
    • Calories burned: 355*
    • Elevation gain: 0 (29m) *
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (154)

    * I suspect there was an issue with my devices, as I am reasonably sure that the walk was not completely flat… and jogging the same distance as I did Sunday, it is unlikely that I burned less than half the calories.

    Walking

    • Distance: 6.05 km
    • Duration: 1:06:14
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m56s
    • Steps: 7,500
    • Calories burned: 689
    • Elevation gain: 37m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 112

    I am not sure why it is that a couple of hours after I came in, I started feeling nauseous and light-headed. It might have to do with the weather, or I might just be pushing myself a bit. The fact that my apps are telling me that I am burning more calories per day than I am consuming is not necessarily a bad thing… but yesterday I set out a little after noon, and unlike all of my previous outings I decided to wait until I got back home before drinking my second meal replacement. That might have been ill-advised. I will make sure, going forward, that I am not straddling the line of when I should be eating… I will make sure to set out after having one.

    The result of my not feeling well was that I lay down for a nap. Knowing I had to be awake to teach my class, I set an alarm. I felt a little better in time for class, but by the end of it I was ready to get back into bed. I will be keeping an eye on my body these next two days… There is no way that I am going to push myself so hard that I fly to Dallas under the weather. We will see how I am feeling tomorrow, but I know that I have an appointment in the middle of the day, and that might get in the way of when I would usually want to head out. If I have to put the brakes on jogging for a couple of days, then I will… if I have to.

    My weight was up this morning, but only by .2 lb. It is frustrating when you do everything right for so long, and then you see the regression… but I know that over the last four days I lost nearly four pounds, and it is not unreasonable for there to be that slight adjustment. I will live with it. I got a frantic text from my weight loss buddy this morning who was upset that on the four-month anniversary of her surgery, she found herself up .7 lb., which she was quite distraught over. I called her and reminded her that she is not .7 lb. up from four months ago, only from yesterday… and she is really severely slimmer (and lighter) than she was four months ago. I reminded her of the importance of the downward trend, and not the individual plots on the graph. This calmed her down significantly; she thanked me for calling and told me that she needed to hear that. She also told me about two encounters over the past few days where people have commented on how fabulous she looks. In one of those encounters she blew it off and attributed it to her new haircut and outfit, but the other was an old friend and she brought her into the circle of people who know. She knows that I advise people to keep that circle as small as possible; it is nobody’s business a) That she is losing weight, b) How she is losing weight, and c) How much weight she has lost. She agrees, but this was an old friend that she trusts.

    I realized this morning that I was out of my gourmet coffee, and I had to grind some of my Cuban coffee to make the pot. I will definitely go shopping today. It is not that I do not like the Cuban coffee, but it is not quite as tasty as what I usually make for myself. I only have one more whole pot of coffee to make before I fly to Dallas, but I should have it in the house for when I get back to Canada. I have a number of other errands to run today, and while I would usually go to a particular supermarket to pick up the coffee that I really like, there are a few things I need to pick up at Fortino’s (including my shoes, but also certain treats that I will be bringing to Dallas to surprise my wife), so I will just get coffee there… despite their having discontinued the particular blend that I used to favour. I will do that before my therapy appointment, which for the first time will be in-person. Until now our sessions have all been on the phone, but due to my being unavailable for our usual Thursday session, she had this appointment available. It will force me to get out of the house, which will, in turn, force (or at least encourage) me to go to pick up my shoes, along with the treats and the coffee. While I am out, I might also pop up to Milton to see Ryan, who has been encouraging me to change my windshield wipers at his shop. If I had computer advice for him, I would expect him to follow it. He knows cars and especially windshields (which is his business), so I have been planning to do that since he told me to… but my schedule has not allowed for it. This afternoon I can do it.

    Sometimes the universe puts things in place that just make sense. For the first time in several days, the sun is out but temperatures are -4°, and the wind is blowing cold… and picking up significantly in the afternoon. Today would not be a good day to be jogging, or at least it would be quite uncomfortable. I could easily plan to go to the gym for a couple of hours, but I have really been pushing myself these last few days so if I do, I will take it easy. Maybe a few weight machines, twenty minutes on the treadmill, and then a hydro massage followed by a good shvitz. I probably will not do any of that, but I will also not be suiting up for a jog outside… which I enjoy so much more than the gym. I suspect that my next several workouts – outdoors or otherwise – will take place in Dallas. Leslie and I talked about going to the gym in her apartment complex together, which sounds like a wonderful activity that we can share.

    I suppose, looking at it, I have quite a few items on my calendar for today, even though it looks bare. I have my therapist at 1:30pm, but I also have to run several errands. All of that will keep me busy, which is not a bad thing. I much prefer being busy than not being busy. I might try to do some studying today, but I might also just relax with my book. I downloaded a book onto my e-reader before I flew to Dallas last time, and I had not picked it up in several weeks until just a few nights ago. It is a crime drama from before the time when cops had cellular phones, and aside from the pure kitschy predictability of their stereotypical behaviour (bad-ass LAPD cop on the outs with his chain of command is paired up with the female FBI agent for a case that nobody thinks is a real case, and not only do they find evidence but they also end up sleeping together), it is funny when he says something like, ‘My pager started beeping, so I pulled off the road alongside the first payphone I saw.’ Kids today would not believe how different the world they know is from the one I grew up in. Still and all, it takes place in Los Angeles, and it is interesting to see how different my reading of that city is now that I have lived there. I wonder what it would be like to go back and read the Decker/Lazarus novels that I read for so many years, never having known where the Foothills, or Van Nuys or Tarzana or any of the other geographic references that they made were. All this to say that it would be nice to sit on the couch with my book and take just one day away from my cybersecurity and networking studies and teaching. I make no delusions that I might sit outside with a cigar though… the winds were unpleasant this morning and they are forecast to get worse as the day progresses.

    Until I started on the full-fast program, and not even at first, but really since I returned from Dallas just five weeks ago and resumed it, the predictability of my body schedule has gone out the window. For years I have reliably sat on the throne in the morning and produced. I have alternately referred to my morning routine and morning ritual, which has always meant heading to the washroom, taking my pills, brushing my teeth, and sitting on the throne (often for longer than necessary while checking e-mail, Facebook, and whatever else). I would then shower, shave, and then walk to the bedroom to weigh myself on the (no longer appropriately named) bathroom scale before getting dressed, and then taking HRF Princess Sophie out for her walk. Over these last few weeks, including today, I have sat unproductive on the toilet for long enough to realize that nothing was coming, and then I would continue with the routine. Were this something I kept an active record of, I would be able to count on one hand (maybe two) the number of times over the past two years that I have had not had a successful bowel movement, or when I have had one after 9:00am. That is, until this past month. It really has been weird, but I have to accept that my body is changing in so many ways… most of them positive, but I did like the predictability.

    Speaking of changes, I noticed something today that is hard to describe but impossible to miss. Looking at my naked body in the mirror, the shape of my stomach has changed. On the sides there are these massive… indents? I don’t know how to describe them… but I do know that there was a time not too long ago that my belly extended from one side of my body to the other. Now it seems to be pushed in on the sides… except that is not right, because if it was pushed in, then it would extend out further. Imagine taking a balloon in your hands and squeezing it. The volume of the balloon does not change, only the distribution of it, right? That is not what is happening with my belly. It is pushed in on the side, but it is not pushing out. That has to be a huge non-scale victory, as well as an indicator of a couple of things: the first is that I am absolutely losing weight at a tremendous rate… and really, I have now lost over 125 pounds, so there is no denying that. The second is that I am beginning to see the sagging skin that I wrote about last week. When all this is over I will need to have surgery to have excess skin removed, or else I will look like… what? I don’t know, but I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life with all of that excess skin hanging down. I know! I would look like a child wearing an adult costume… or more accurately, a slim man wearing a fat man’s suit. Only, the suit would be made of skin and not wool or silk. There will be more than one consequence to my years of obesity. One of the prices I will pay for that, and for no longer being that, is that I will have to go under the knife to have that excess skin removed. Once I do that, I cannot imagine I would ever want to gain weight again. The thought of it just disgusts me.

    A couple of days ago Leslie mentioned that she did not like the idea of my having weight loss surgery, be it Roux-en-Y, or any of the other options… but that she would support me if I felt I needed it. I told her that I do not want that… but I appreciate her willingness to support me. I also told her that when I am there, I will explain to her why I do not want to have the surgery, which is not a fear of going under the knife, but much more than that… and more than I want to explain over a video chat or by text. I have given a lot of thought to it, especially since I was originally scheduled to have it in 2015 and was ultimately rejected from the program for reasons I will explain to her in person. I had not given it much thought of late, until October, when my diet buddy told me that she was going to do it. I do not know how much of it I have ever really discussed with anyone, so I am glad that I have had a few days to think about how to explain myself to Leslie. She is, after all, my wife. She is the one person from whom I do not want to keep any secrets, much less my thinking on weight loss, of which she has been so supportive over the past thirteen months.

    My plan for today is to stay on track. I am getting up to head to the airport in 42-hours, and this is just not the time to fall off the program. Thursday evening Leslie and I will get dressed up and we will go out for our sushi dinner, and I will have my first meal since the great nachos and salsa incident. If I can wait until then, I can enjoy that meal without guilt, indulging in the deliciously prepared raw fish on rice. If I were to break down now, then there would be little special about the meal itself, although being with Leslie would be enough special to make up for it. No, I should be sharing my first meal in nearly a month with her, and not on any tempting cheats that might present themselves between now and then. Stay on track, stay mindful, stay focused; if I do that, it is entirely possible that when I arrive in Dallas, I will weigh a full twenty pounds less than when I left.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 405

    It was pointed out to me yesterday that I made a numbering error on the blog, this time the other way. It seems I had repeated Day 402 twice. Fortunately, that is a much easier issue to correct!

    How dare the bathroom scale be so cruel this morning? Knowing that I was true to the program yesterday (save for two throat lozenges throughout the day), how could it possibly revert my weight back to Sunday’s 273 lbs.? How can it kick me back into Obesity Class II from yesterday’s victory? I am extremely unhappy about it. It is as if simply the act of handling the snacks that I ordered to bring to Dallas for Leslie is sufficient for me to gain nearly an entire pound. It was painful to see, despite knowing the likelihood that tomorrow it will recover, and possibly even pick up a few extra ounces. In the meantime, it just sucks. I will not let this temporary setback take me from my path. I have an appointment with my tailor two days from today, and I will not fall from grace ahead of that – or just nine days from my flight to Dallas – because of one morning’s disappointment. I wrote just Sunday that, ‘This is not the first time during my journey that the bathroom scale has shown a very slight gain from Day X to Day X+1, only to make up for it greatly on Day X+2.’ I have to remember that and stay on track.

    I made it through yesterday without feeling the same weakness or fatigue that I had the last few times that I taught late, and I am grateful for that. I was worried, following last week, that I would need either a cup of tea or an energy drink to get through the grueling 13-hour day. In fact, I was fine. That is not to say that at the end of my class I was not really ready for it to be over, or that I did not really need that final meal replacement. Getting through these days is not an option, only how well I get through them. There is an old saying that you make hay when the sun is shining. When I am offered these long-day contracts (rather, they are two coinciding contracts, but from the same company) then I am going to take them. Just one week of that per month ensures that I will be able to pay my bills, plus a little extra on the side.

    As has been the case every day this month, my plan is to stay on track today. I am only teaching during the day, which means that my schedule looks pretty reasonable. If the weather forecast stays true, I might try to go for a short jog after class, followed by (if she is amenable) a cigar date with my beautiful wife. I know that her son comes back tomorrow, which means that the next time she might be able to have another cigar with me will be when I am actually there… nine days from today! Of course, it is not inconceivable that I might try to do that mid-afternoon instead. The temperatures here will be mild for the season, and if Leslie does not have a meeting in that slot, then who knows what could happen? We’ll see. As long as I am not eating. Enjoying a cigar with my wife would not be the worst way to spend my lunch break!

    Today is the last day of February. It is amazing to realize that in the entire month I have had two meals… one on the 1st because of my flight debacle, and one on the 12th with my son. I have made it through an entire month on two meals, and probably 110 meal replacements. I feel like I have had so many successes this month that it is almost a shock that I am only fifteen pounds down from February 1… but the experts say that even on such an extreme program you can expect to lose about two pounds per week… and I have beaten and nearly doubled that, so there is no logical reason for me to be disappointed. I am just impatient with it. No matter how many times I remind myself that this is a journey that takes time, I cannot seem to shake that impatience.

    Leslie and I were talking yesterday, and I realized something that I had never considered before. There has never been any doubt that the tremendous changes to my body are having a huge psychological affect on me; it never occurred to me that it would be affecting her as well. I suppose I just thought that I was slimming down so I would be more attractive to her. I never stopped to consider that yes, she has always loved me… but the man that she fell in love with has shrunk tremendously. While I would gain thirty pounds from when we first met face to face to my apex weight, I am still ninety pounds lighter than I was when she first wrapped her arms around me… or at least, as much as she could. On my last visit to Dallas, she was surprised that she could actually wrap her arms around me completely… with inches to spare. I have to remember that I am not alone in this, and that while there are no negatives to losing the weight, I have to be cognizant that she is affected too. This came to light after I sent her a picture from my heaviest weight in 2019, before I began my second extreme weight loss journey. We talked about it yesterday, and I hope we will continue to talk about it.

    After the extremely successful bowel movement on Saturday, I have not had any success in that department. I have also not gone out to get the fibre supplement which I mentioned. This evening I will try to go to the store to pick up more non-milk and will remember to pick that up as well. It is not that I am not now feeling that I would like to… but it is the first time in three days that I am feeling that. Perhaps sometime today it might happen. Maybe that success would have mitigated this morning’s ridiculous weight bump. Who knows?

    Okay, it is time to start my day. Princess Sophie went for a very brief walk this morning, but the rest of the day should go like clockwork. Stay on plan, stay focused, and tomorrow the bathroom scale will be kinder to me.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Fighting With the Bathroom Scale

    I have a routine for the morning that I follow pretty closely every day. I wake up and go to the washroom. After I sit on the toilet checking my e-mails and doing whatever else I might do, I get up and then weigh myself. While my ‘official’ weigh-in is normally every other Wednesday at the doctor’s office, I still record my weight daily. Why? There are several reasons, not the least of which is that I might be encouraged by the sacrifices I made or need to be scolded to make adjustments to my behaviour. “Oh look, I am down X.Y lbs.… sticking to the program and drinking 1.5 gallons of water really paid off!” Or else, “Yeah… I did not think it would be a big deal if I went out for breakfast yesterday… but even though I was good the rest of the day, I still gained X.Y lbs.” That’s a major reason I do it… but also because I get to see my weight-loss progress in real time.

    There are weight-loss advocates who say that weighing in every day can be a bad idea. I think that is likely true for people who are more sensitive… those who get offended, dejected, demoralized, or let down by every little thing. “I worked so hard yesterday, and I have not lost anything. I might as well eat a doughnut or three.” I am not like that… but I do have my days.

    I want to be clear… I do not need anyone’s or anything’s help to make me want to cheat. Yes, there will be reasons that I do cheat… I love food, I love eating. I got to be 395 lbs. because I am addicted to food. If an alcoholic does not need an excuse to reach for a drink, if a drug addict does not need an excuse to take drugs, why should I require an excuse to eat? There is, in fact, only one reason I eat. It is because I am weak.

    Back to the point.

    Monday’s was a particularly bad weigh-in. Why? I was weak the previous day. That morning I was up about 1.6lbs. I redoubled my efforts, and the next couple of days I was strong. I was not expecting the Monday gain to be erased entirely in two or three days, but I was hoping it would be. I was hoping for more.

    1.2 lbs.

    Just over a one-pound loss, after three days of sticking to the program, would not normally be a disappointment… but after Monday’s disastrous number, I am… less than elated. What the scale has been telling me is that, at this rate, one day’s gain would take at least four days and possibly longer to recover from.

    I sighed… I then did what I do on a lot of mornings when I am not entirely thrilled with my progress… I let it reset, and then I stepped back on the scale. Sure enough, the number was worse! I let it reset again, and then the number was right back to the original one. Okay, if that is the best I am going to get, then I will take it.

    This is something I do quite often… and most of the time when I do it, there is little or no difference. There are days when a .2 lb. drop would be meaningless… there are days when it would be the difference between just another day and hitting a milestone. Then there are the days when it is just the psychological boost I need to not be down about things. ‘Yes, I only lost .2 lb. yesterday… but that is a lot better than staying the same, or gaining .2 lb.’

    With the .2 lb. gain, I did not reach any milestones this morning; had I dropped .2 lb. there was no decade to be reached, and I would not be at a new lowest point ever. All of those are reasons to celebrate, and I have had a lot of them over the last few weeks and months, and certainly over the entire 394 days of this crazy journey. However, after that terrible ‘up’ day, it would be nice to continue to see the numbers dropping… had it dropped.2lbs instead of rising was the difference between my getting back to my best-weight-yet (tied with it anyways) and having to wait another day (or longer) to try to achieve that.

    Some days, small psychological victories can really be the difference between having a good day and not. I will still try to keep my chin up today, but it is several hours later, and I am still not feeling very motivated. Maybe tomorrow I can get back down to that best-weight-yet territory. Maybe tomorrow I can be more motivated throughout the day. What I know for sure is that if I get depressed today and fall off my program, then I have a much better chance of that not happening… and so I stay on track. One day at a time, folks… resisting one temptation at a time.

  • Know Where To Stick Your Comments

    **This is another article that I wrote during a previous weight loss attempt. It is funny how little editing I needed to do in order to make it apply perfectly to this week, nearly three years later. –MDG

    Has anyone else had it up to here (gesturing just above my head) with people telling you what to do with regard to your weight loss? Is there someone in your life who thinks they know better than you? I suspect we all try to be polite to them, but sometimes it can be too much.

    There was one person that I met recently who fed into my stress. As I said, I have very little patience for people who try to tell me what I should be doing to lose weight… no matter what their intentions are. Yes, they mean well… but do me a favour and keep your opinions to yourself.

    “Mitch, you know that the extra weight you are carrying around is not healthy, right? If you were to do X, you would continue to lose even more weight. You will be so much happier when you do!”

    I usually do not respond when someone opens their mouth like this, but I suppose was having a bad day, and this was just too far. ‘Hey, Fred (not his real name) … thanks for your concern. One of us has lost about 115lbs in the last year, and the other one of us should shut up and save his advice for when I ask for it. Would you care to guess which one of us is which?’

    Yeah, ‘Fred’ was more than a little surprised that I would say that… but really, at this point I think I’ve done pretty well, and that the method I am using is pretty good, wouldn’t you say? If I did not want your advice when I was at my heaviest, what makes you think I would want it now? If you want to offer support, offer words of encouragement. Things that friends have said over the past few weeks:

    • Oh my G-d, Mitch… I cannot believe how well you are doing! Keep it up!
    • Mitch, you look amazing! Keep up the good work!
    • Wow… you are a shadow of your former self!
    • You are a true inspiration to me!
    • Mitch, you look hot!

    All of these are perfectly acceptable (and welcome!) comments. Keep them coming folks!

    The following, on the other hand, are neither helpful nor welcome, and if it is what you were thinking of saying, then just say nothing:

    • You are doing well, but you still have a lot of weight to lose.
    • Mitch, how much more weight do you think you need to lose?
    • If you’d like, I know a doctor with an amazing weight-loss plan that would help you lose the weight even faster!
    • You’ve lost so much weight and still wear a Size 38 pants?
    • You should do X to lose more weight.
    • The program you are following is not healthy, so be careful.
    • If you do not change your habits, you are just going to gain the weight back again.

    Do you see that most of these comments sound like they are meant to encourage me? Some of them are from people who want to help, who think they are helping. Do you know what they all have in common? They are all unsolicited. I can almost guarantee at this point that I know more about weight-loss, but certainly about my own body and weight loss, than you do. I have also spent more time morbidly obese than you have. Please, keep it to yourself.

    I welcome, I love hearing, I love getting words of encouragement. Positive reinforcement is wonderful, and when people tell me how great I look it makes me well with joy. I have figured out what works for me, and that is why I look the way I look now, rather than what I looked like a year (or even three months) ago. Let me keep at it… I assure you I have no desire to ever gain another ounce again. But I have figured out a way to do it without your help, and I am my own harshest critic.

    When I was married to my second wife, I went on a weight-loss program. I asked Theresa (my now ex-wife) to be my Diet Sergeant. For a couple of months, she was… and with her help I did pretty well… until I did not. When I tried to get back on track, I asked her to resume her duties. She told me that it was unfair of me to put that responsibility on her… when no matter how strict she was, I could always circumvent her ‘authority.’ She was right… My diet is just that… mine. The responsibility is mine, and the success or failure of it is mine.

    I am my own harshest critic… in all things, not just the diet program. I beat myself up over it all the time, and nothing that you say will be harsher than what I say to myself. The difference is that I have the right… you do not. My mother used to say that if you have nothing good to say, say nothing. She was the worst offender of this advice that I have encountered in my fifty years on the planet. That does not make it bad advice, it just makes her a hypocrite. If you want to encourage me, say something nice… and completely nice. Be prepared with a follow-up should I be self-deprecating. I’ll give you an example:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… you look like you have lost a ton of weight!

    (Me) Thanks, but it’s just a drop, and I have so much more to go.

    (You) Well you are doing great… whatever it is you are doing, keep it up!

    Do you see how easy that was? On the other hand, the following would be a terrible way to follow up:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… I can’t believe how much slimmer you are than the last time I saw you!

    (Me) Thanks, but I hope the next time you see me I will be even slimmer still.

    (You) Make sure you have the occasional cheat meal, so you do not give up completely. Want to join us for pizza?

    I cheat enough, and I do not need your encouragement or permission. If I tell you I want to lose more weight, just follow up with ‘Well, you are doing great!’ or ‘Whatever you have been doing, keep doing it!’ That’s all I want. That’s all I need. If you cannot say something 100% positive, then don’t say anything.

  • Day 392

    It is strange to look at my daily articles and realize that in a week I will be on Day 400 of this incredible journey to transition down from morbid obesity to – hopefully – the slim and sexy me that I have never known as an adult. After posting my article on the blog yesterday I got a notification that I was on a 165-day streak… and I know that really that streak would be 393 days if I had not been distracted one day in September. Streaks aside, this journal (and my blog) now comprise just under 360,000 words. To put that into perspective, Dickens’ Great Expectations ran 183,300 words. Fortunately, I have not risen to the sheer long-windedness of Tolstoy, who’s War and Peace ran 587,287 words. (I should mention that his Anna Karenina was only 349,736 words, which I have recently surpassed) I will continue to write my thoughts and feelings and experience until I get to the end of my journey. Twice now I have started, and then finished in failure. My final chapter of this work should be an epilogue outlining my long-term success at maintaining my thinnest self.

    I wrote a couple of days ago (after the salsa and chips debacle) about the terrible comparative number between that day (Monday) and July 31, 2020. For those who are not keeping track: On February 3rd I realized that I was within 25 lbs. of my best weight ever, which I achieved in 2020. I looked at the data from that time frame and realized that it on July 21, 2020, I weighed the same as I did that day. I created a spreadsheet to compare my journey then to now. Monday morning (Day 11), the comparison to 2020 jumped to 6.8 lbs. more than the same day last time. Yesterday morning, after only a slight drop this time (but a huge jump in 2020) it was down to 2.6 lbs. This morning, following yet another jump from 2020, it was -1.8 lbs.! That means that this morning is the first day that I am further ahead in my progress toward my best-weight-ever than I was in 2020! It is very exciting, but I only wish that it was more due to the excellent and consistent weight loss progress that I have made this time around, and less because of the terrible 2-day, 7.2 lbs. jump I made in 2020.

    It is important to note that in 2020, I had a very stressful few days that led to my gaining that 7.2 lbs. in two days. The first of those days was mostly because I visited with a friend, and he put out too many temptations… and I had left the house without my meal replacements (which is always a terrible idea). The following day was my marathon turnaround trip from California to Vancouver and back to renew my TN Visa. It was an extremely stressful couple of days, because I was not sure that they would renew the visa… and I remember thinking that my new job depended on that. If I knew then what I know now – that the company that hired me and sent me to Canada to renew the visa would be a waste of my time – then maybe things would have been different. Oh well, life goes on. That is the past, and today I weigh 1.8 lbs. pounds less than I did during those turbulent times. I will continue to do my best to get to that best-weight-ever space… and to stay there once and for all.

    I did go out for a jog yesterday. I did not improve on my 3km jogging distance (as I wrote that I hoped to do), but I did improve on the pace. I got it down to 8m06s per kilometre. I also cut nearly 30 seconds off my walking pace, down from yesterday’s 10m54s to 10m25s per kilometre today. My walking pace was still better on Saturday, but I am just happy that I am getting out again. These next two weeks I have to get as much exercise in as I can, knowing that the following week I will be back to thirteen-hour days. I did make one minor change to the route yesterday… I did it backwards. The distance is no different, but I get a different perspective on things.

    I had an absolutely lovely date with my wife last night. Truly, the only thing that was wrong with it was that we were 1,400 miles apart. We sat out on our balconies with an absolutely fabulous cigar (She smoked her favourite Davidoff Especiale 7, while I smoked another of our mutual favourites, the Davidoff Small Batch Verano). Midway through our cigars she started lamenting what to do for dinner, and I surprised her by buying her the same Chinese meal we shared last month. Okay, I did not exactly… but I asked her if I could buy her dinner, and I transferred the money to her so that she could have her wonderful soup and Peking Duck Spring Rolls… and leftovers for a couple of days. As she ate, I took HRF Princess Sophie out for another walk. We then selected another fine cigar (I chose the very spicy Davidoff Nicaragua, and insisted she enjoy the Davidoff Chef Edition 2016). Truly, the only way the evening could have gone better was if we were together on one balcony, and if we did not need technology to keep us together.

    As I drove recently, I noticed the Harvey’s Hamburgers joint near the corner of Appleby Line and Upper Middle. I thought to myself how nice it would be to stop in at the drive-thru and pick up a burger. I was not even thinking about the sides, I just had this image of the hamburger. Memories of my father taking my sister and I as kids to the Harvey’s on Cote des Neiges Road in Montreal came to mind, how wonderful those times were. My father was a grown-up after all… he was not supposed to like fast food, was he? Yet that was where he would take us. I do not remember the last time I ate at a Harvey’s, but I do know that they changed their ingredients, and the juicy burgers I remembered from my childhood are no longer as good… but they are still not bad. What would be the harm in having one? I then remembered the hardship of losing all of this weight, and I remembered my goals for March 2 (my visit to the tailor) and March 9 (my visit to Leslie), and I kept driving. On Day 9 I write an article called Temptations and Cravings in which I wrote about the addictive effects of fast food. I called out Harvey’s by name, as well as several other chains. It is not only that their food is good and convenient, and in the case of Harvey’s, it is not only that these chains have spent billions of dollars sorting out the psychology of getting you back into their restaurants. In this case, and on this day, it was also because of the childhood memory of my deceased father that tried to draw me in. Now that I think of it, while he loved Harvey’s (and Chinese food), it was my mother who forced me to learn to enjoy Buffalo wings, originally at a restaurant called Wings and Things on Sherbrooke Street. I loved my parents (and still have fond memories of my father), but some of their food influences would come to haunt me… and do, to this day.

    I want to reiterate that I am a fifty-year-old man, and I am not blaming my obesity on my parents… or on the fast-food industry, or on anyone else but myself. It is too easy to blame others for our problems, which then makes them easily explained and understood, and thus less important to face and deal with. I gained my weight because of myriad factors, some of them from my childhood, some from my schools, some from the Army, and some because of bad influences from friends. Those are all factors in my weight gain. Not one of them is the cause of my obesity. If I was not smart enough, strong enough, or stable enough to understand that every time I had to buy pants or shirts, I needed to buy larger ones, then unless any of the factors were paying for my larger clothes, it was on me to stop eating as much… and as poorly. In 1994 I fell in love with a song by The Eagles called Get Over It. They sing about how everyone is blaming their parents, their childhoods, their whatever. “They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else, spend all their times feeling sorry for themselves. Victim of this, victim of that; your momma’s too thin and your daddy’s too fat. Get over it!” How true are these words? I have a lot of emotional traumas from my childhood and from my time in the Army, and they are things that haunt me every time I close my eyes. I can blame those for everything in my life… or I can live my life the best way I know how.

    In the movie Stripes, John Candy’s character says that he joined the Army to lose weight (by the way, that’s a stupid reason to join the Army, but it was a comedy and I digress). He said that his doctor told him he swallowed a lot of emotions… along with a lot of cheeseburgers. I probably first saw the movie with my sister when I was 11-12 years old, and I thought it was funny at the time. I know now that swallowing your emotions can be painful… but it was swallowing the cheeseburgers (along with all of the other terrible foods I ate) that got me to where I am now. Like I said about the hot towel shave yesterday, they may be the occasional indulgence… but I will never be able to afford for them to be the norm. My future is one of eating healthy and smart… and trying to stay healthy and slim.

    My plan for today is to stay on track. I am driving to Cambridge shortly to enjoy some cigars with Ryan (and possibly with Lyle). Both of them suffer from obesity, and both of them are aware (and sensitive) of my weight loss journey. While there will be plenty of snacks there for the taking, nothing will be offered to me, and nobody will try to convince me to just east a little. I will stay on the program, mixing my meal replacement shake at 1:00pm between cigars. While Ryan’s dad might try to convince me to stay for dinner, I have a perfect (and unarguable) excuse… I am teaching this evening and I have to be home by 5:00pm. As soon as I get home, I will enjoy my third meal replacement of the day, and I will spin up my computer to teach my class, ending the evening with my final meal replacement. I can stay on track if I just remain mindful and focused. I will not be getting a lot of exercise today… but tomorrow I will be back at it. I know the weather today would have been ideal for a jog, but I promised Ryan a week ago I’d come over; tomorrow’s forecast calls for rain and a high of 3°, which means that if I do want to keep it up then I will be in the gym. At least that means I can finish my workout with a hydro massage and a sauna! Friday the weather gets worse, but then over the weekend it will be warmer and sunny. A couple of days in the gym, followed by a couple of days jogging outside; that is just what the doctor ordered.

    The bathroom scale this morning had me almost (but not quite) back to my best weight yet, leaving me .2 lb. short of what I weighed Sunday morning before the Great Nacho Chips and Salsa Incident of 2023. I do not know if I will be back in BWY territory by tomorrow, but I will cross my fingers and hope that all of my efforts will get me there. If I keep up my recent progress (which likely means not only the full-fast program, but also the intense working out) then it is possible and even likely that I will shatter the goals that I set less than a week ago… and so, let me revise them to see if I can push myself even harder to achieve them:

    • By March 2 (the day I go to the tailor) I would like to weigh under 275 lbs. so if I can lose 6.5 pounds in just over two weeks I will be there.
    • By March 9 (the day I fly to Dallas) I would like to weigh under 270 lbs. so that I can at least have another noticeable difference when Leslie sees me.
    • During my ten-day trip to Dallas (during which I will be back on my modified program) I would like to gain no more than two pounds.

    I should mention as well that there is another milestone coming up. While my best weight ever was 260.4 lbs., on my first attempt in 2017 my best weight was 272.4 lbs… which means that if I can get to that weight by the time I get to Dallas, Leslie will see me in a way that few have ever seen me!

    Okay, I am just running on. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 382

    It is because of my lovely wife Leslie that I did not add a grocery shopping trip to my plans for today. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I was hungry for most of the afternoon and evening, despite faithfully following the program. We were chatting last night, and I told her that the keto anger is real, and that my body is fighting back against my returning to the full fast program with no real food. I told her that I have to teach tomorrow (and all week) from 9:30am to 10:00pm, and that I did not know if I would be able to get through it without breaking the full-fast, meal replacements only diet. Maybe if I added just one smaller meal back into my routine then I would be able to get through without falling. Leslie reminded me how strong I have been, and how much I have relished in my success. She reminded me that I am not weak! She did not tell me that I was strong, which some people might have thought the right positive word to use; whether it was conscious or not, reminding me of what I do not want to be gave me something to think about… and another reason to stay strong – because I do not want to be weak! It worked… I am not going shopping today. I am sticking to the program. I am strong!

    This morning I approached the bathroom scale with the words ‘Please do not be higher than yesterday!’ on my breath. I was not only thinking it, I said it out loud. After five days of weight drops, I did not want to see the trend reverse. It did not… but it was not lower either. My weight this morning is exactly what it was yesterday morning. I know that is to be expected, but as I stepped off the bathroom scale I started thinking, ‘Okay, I did not lose any weight… and that is probably because I was not able to have a bowel movement for the second morning in a row.’ Of course, that is to be expected as I am not eating solid foods… the frequency of proper bowel movements can drop to 2-3 times per week. What can you do? In the meantime, I did not lose weight this morning… but I will tomorrow morning… and if I don’t, then there is always Tuesday!

    I made a minor change when I came back to Canada the other day. I do not know how long it will last, and I do not know how much of a difference it is likely to make. I have not been adding sugar to my coffee. I definitely prefer the taste with a little sweetness, but I promised myself that when I could completely cut sugar out, I would try. I was only drinking one cup of coffee per day in Dallas (albeit a huge one) and was putting a smaller amount of sugar into it than usual. I have been missing the sweetness, but I think I can make do… as long as I continue to drink premium coffee. If I find myself at Starbucks or Tim Hortons, I suspect I’ll be back on the sweet.

    Princess Sophie impressed her vet as always. She has gained a bit of weight, and the doctor said she does not have to lose any… but also should not gain anymore. She said that as she filled her with treats to cooperate. I should mention that she has gained three pounds in the nearly four years since I rescued her, and she is a very happy little girl. I will continue to feed her the same amount of food but might cut back on the treats a little.

    I planned to take a nice nap yesterday afternoon and be refreshed to face the evening. About seven minutes after I fell asleep my phone rang, so that idea went down the drain. I had not heard from this friend in a couple of months, and it was good to catch up… even at the expense of my rest. I spent a lazy afternoon at home though… I had nothing to do, and I know what a bear this coming week is going to be, so I decided I deserve it. I am pretty sure that (after my study group) my diet buddy will come over for a cup of coffee today. After that, either Eduardo will come here for a cigar, or he and I will go to hang out with another friend. We’ll see. Originally the forecast was for 6°, but that has been revised slightly downward… and it will be windy, so I am not so excited about sitting outside. I will see what the day holds. In the meantime, the Princess and I went for a walk this morning, and it was nowhere near as uncomfortably cold as it was yesterday.

    After my aborted nap yesterday, I was hungry. I am not sure if I was really hungry, or if I was bored. I do know that I wanted to eat, and even after my evening shake, I was still hungry. I decided that it was not a good idea to go through to bedtime that hungry. I took a very small portion of pumpkin seeds that I keep to put on salads… and then I took some sugar free mints that I have. I did not devour the package, but they did help me get through the evening. I suppose with the seeds and the Ice Breakers I did technically cheat, but not terribly. I know I would rather have a small, controlled cheat than fall off the program… and I know what I have in my freezer (not to mention the pantry), so that would have been a real possibility.

    It has been weeks since I dropped below the 300-pound mark, and yet every time I think about my weight, I am thinking it will be above that. When I prepared to step onto the scale this morning, I was not looking for a drop below 285 lbs… I was looking for a drop below 315 lbs. I have mentioned so many times over the course of my journey that the psychology of weight loss can be as difficult and sometimes more so than the physical losing of the weight. It was only ten days ago when Leslie took my picture and I posted the side-by-side comparison to the first day of my program, and the difference is so obvious as to be laughable. When I am not looking at the pictures, it is still easy to think of myself as that over-350 lbs. morbidly obese man whose clothes do not fit. I write that as I sit here comfortably wearing a casual button-down shirt from Polo that has not fit in so long… and with a t-shirt underneath it to boot. The proofs are in my face, and they are obvious, but that does not always mean that my psyche has caught up. I suppose that is one of the myriad reasons that when my therapist asked last session if I really need her, I did not hesitate for a moment to reply that I did… and I do… and I will. I told her that I have lived with ADHD for my entire life, and I have only been on the medications to rein the symptoms in for six weeks. I do not yet know how to deal with not having those symptoms constantly affecting me. Likewise, I have been obese my entire post-Army life, and I do not yet know how to not be so… I know that I stopped seeing her sometime around the time I moved from Burlington to Ottawa in 2017, and it was about that time when my weight loss abated, and I started on that slippery slope to gaining weight back. There were, of course, many factors involved with that… but I cannot help but wonder if I had stayed in Burlington and in therapy, would I have regained all of the weight? Until someone invents a time machine we will never know. I am here… and I am staying in therapy because I need it. Many years ago, my uncle moved to California. Shortly thereafter he told me that he had learned there are two types of people in the world: those who need therapy, and those who do not yet know that they need therapy. I do not know if that is true, but I do know that right now I fall squarely into that first group.

    Okay, I have things to do. My study partner is running late so I can either procrastinate and write more, or I can accomplish a few more things before my delayed group starts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 365

    What a number. Today is the last day of the diet year one. Looking at myself now versus then is… well, the transformation is amazing. While I am still a work in progress in so many ways, I am absolutely a different person. I have shed in one year just over twenty-five percent (25%) of my bodyweight! In pants, I am down from a Size-46 to a Size-40. My shirts are down from a very tight XXL to a comfortable fit XL. While I still have a few pounds to go before I am at my best weight from 2017, the custom-tailored suits and shirts that I had made back then fit, and only the jackets are slightly tight. While it is not really measurable, my face is noticeably slimmer. These are just the physical changes.

    A year ago, I hated myself. I hated what I looked like, I hated what I had let myself become. I absolutely hated myself knowing that not only had I lost over one hundred pounds and then gained it all back… but I had done it twice in under five years. I honestly did not know if I had it in me to do again, and if I might not be destined to spend the rest of my life as a fat man. I hated knowing that one day I would be a burden on the medical system and on my family because I did not have the discipline to control my appetites. I hated that I had the choice of wearing XXXL shirts that exposed my belly or spending money on XXXXL shirts that would cover it… but would also make losing weight a less pressing issue. I absolutely despised myself for having to buy a 4XL winter jacket, because in Canada having a winter jacket that fits is non-negotiable. On the eve of my weight loss program’s 1st anniversary, I have not worn that jacket… I am wearing the much smaller one that I have had since 2006. I know that next winter I will have to buy a new winter jacket… this one will be too big on me. All of my XXXL shirts have been donated to charity or given away to friends. My blood pressure is extremely low (yesterday it was 107/62), and my pulse is on the verge of imperceptible (58 beats per minute). The two medications I am on have nothing to do with my weight issues (or any health issued caused by them). With that said, they are both directly contributing to my quality of life, and that directly affects my happiness. The difference between today and a year ago is that when I look at myself in the mirror naked today, I still see a fat man… but when I put on a nice shirt and pair of pants, I look in the mirror and realize how good I look… and how far I have come.

    I will be dealing with food addiction for the rest of my life, which means that obesity will be hanging over my head, like the sword of Damocles. It would take only one slip – forgetting to be vigilant with how I eat – for me to fall back into it. That is a difficult reality to contend with, but to underline the importance of it, let’s review the lesson of the previous paragraph: the more weight I lose, the less I hate myself. Corollary: The slimmer I am, the more I love myself. If the size of my body is directly related to the feelings I have for myself, then every time I start gaining weight, I have to remember that as much as I might dislike myself for gaining five pounds, how much worse will I hate myself for gaining twenty… or fifty. Mindfulness, vigilance, and dedication to maintaining a me that I will love. Of course, I am sure that aside from my wife, every psychologist in the world would tell me that I have to learn to love myself no matter how large or small I am. That is a great theory, but if I can stay slim, then I can continue to work with my therapist on all of the other issues that I have that contribute to negative feelings about myself.

    This morning was the first day in a while that I did not lose any weight. Actually, that is not entirely true… As with so many mornings, I did not weigh myself once, but thrice. The first time, I was .2lbs. down from yesterday. I decided to not save that and stepped back onto the scale. I was .4lbs. heavier than yesterday. That really would not do! I weighed myself one last time, and the number was exactly what it was yesterday morning. Even a week or two ago I would have kept trying until I got back below that weight… even to the original .2lbs. down number. I decided that the stagnant number would be a punishment for my impatient to lose weight that I am losing… even though I am not losing it as fast I want to lose it. As my wife has pointed out to me several times, my weight loss is not going to be the constant downward trend on a line graph. There will be ups that counter the more frequent downs. I also need to remember that every weight loss expert in the world tries to discourage people from weighing themselves every day. It is exactly because of the discouragement that people experience when the numbers do not do what we want that they give this advice. There are so many reasons we fail on our weight loss journeys, and discouragement is a big one. I will not be discouraged. I will continue on. If I persevered the last two months of plateau and zero progress (despite extreme emotional crises), I can look at a single day of not dropping any weight and laugh it off, continuing on my journey.

    My plans for today are to start studying. I have wanted to continue on my certification journey for a while, but my ADHD has really hindered that. Honestly, I always knew that I had trouble concentrating and setting my mind to studying, but I never realized that there was a medicinal solution for it. While I had heard of people who used drugs to focus, I never thought that I would be one of them. Today will be the first time in a very long time that I am going to sit down and study… I do not know how far I will get today, but I will do what I can. After all, it will be a huge adjustment. I do have incentive though… I will be working together with a couple of friends (well, one friend and her adult son) in a study group to prepare for the exam. Liz has always seen me as some sort of certification prodigy. I don’t know about that, but I have been able to pass a lot of exams… as long as the content is in my comfort zone. The course we will be working on is probably adjacent to my comfort zone, but unlike so many other exams that I have passed, there is no way that I could sit down at the exam computer today and pass it. Maybe in a few weeks… we’ll see.

    Of course, this evening I am teaching again, which is great because not only do I love teaching, I also love the knowledge that sometime in the not-too-distant future someone will be paying me for teaching! While I am looking at job opportunities, right now the only income I have is from my teaching contracts… so woohoo, teaching tonight!

    I plan to stay on track with my four meal replacements today. Aside from taking Her Floofness out for her walks, I have no reason to leave the house today. I thought about going to the gym, but I think studying is more important. The other benefit to that is if I do not leave the house, there are fewer temptations. For example, I know that in the next couple of days I need to go to Bulk Barn. I am running low on doggie treats, so I need to pick some up. In addition to that, there are a couple of other items that I want to get, but if I did not need to get Scooby Snacks, I probably would not walk into that store… there are just too many temptations there. I am going out tomorrow, Saturday, and probably Sunday too… I will gird myself to go into the store and not pick up peanuts or almonds or anything else.

    I also think it is time for me to change the theme of my blog. The more I look at it, the more I see that the theme that I picked is missing a lot of things that it should have. I’ll try to spend no more than twenty minutes on that.

    There is a simplicity to being on the strict program that I had not put together before. Since the Army I have said that best way to make sure that people make the right choice is to only give them the one option. When I was on my modified program, I had so many choices to make. Many times, but not always, I made the right choice. If I had made the right choice every single time, then I would have lost a lot more than one hundred pounds in the year. The strict meal replacement program means that I do not have to choose what protein to cook for my meal… and trust me, I know that I was always making too much. I do not have to decide what vegetables to add to my salad, or how much olive oil I should sprinkle on before dousing it with (how much?) balsamic vinegar. The only choices I have to make are: 1) What time should I have my next meal replacement, and 2) Have I had enough water today? That’s it. There are no other choices to make… which means there is so much less opportunity to make the wrong choice. I have already made the decision that I will have one pot of coffee per day (three cups), with 1/3 teaspoon of raw sugar and a splash of It’s-Really-Easy-To-Believe-It’s-Not-Milk. By eliminating all food, let’s look at how my life is simpler… and how my weight loss program is actually easier:

    • I know what I am eating… every meal, every day.
    • The only time I ever need to go into the supermarket (the den of temptations) is every couple of weeks to buy milk/not-milk for my coffee.
    • Portions are not an issue… every meal is contained in a single pouch.
    • I can work through lunch (if I want to) because it is as easy to drink the meal replacement shake at my desk as it is at the kitchen table.

    There are probably other benefits, but these are four that really stick out to me. Of course, Princess Sophie is a bit miffed because she is no longer getting the cartilage from my chicken… but we have plenty other treats in the house, and she is not going hungry. Just because I need to lose weight does not mean that she needs to go without.

    Okay, it is time for me to get off my butt and get things done. It is time for my second meal replacement of the day, and when that is prepared, I will sit down and answer a few emails before I start studying.

    Have a great day folks!